Why you should not bring your authentic self to work | Jodi-Ann Burey | TEDxSeattle

[Music] so picture this your friend calls to invite you to a party this saturday they say yes i totally understand that saturday is halloween but trust me it's not a halloween party october 31st just happens to be the best day when everyone is in town no no no you don't have to wear a costume it's not going to be like that at all just come as you are a party with your friends on halloween without having to go through all the trouble of finding a costume a costume mind you you'll never wear again oh you'll be there so saturday's here you head on over in your favorite faded jeans and the stylish enough top quite frankly you've been lounging in all day you knock on the door out steps these bright red boots the perfect accessory to your friend's wonder woman costume wonder is the exact description of the look on your face as you enter the house your eyes dart across a number of cartoon characters uniformed professionals and some unfortunate impersonations of the latest celebrities you look to your friend for answers but they're gathering the final votes for the costume contest a costume contest you of course receive no votes do you feel that that feeling that you have right now the anxiety the upset and bewilderment as to how you came to be the odd one now for just doing what you were told to come as you are that's exactly how i feel when i am told to bring my full authentic self to work we want people of color to feel like they belong here they say we're looking for passionate people who can bring a fresh perspective to challenge our way of thinking they say our diversity is our strength they say come just as you are they say recruiters managers executives ceos all those responsible for making decisions they say quite a lot and perhaps for good reason it's long been the expectation for people like me who have been grossly often intentionally underrepresented at work to contort ourselves into this caricature of what some call professionalism and what we call a distorted elaboration of white cultural norms and the standards that meet the comforts of those who hold social and institutional power that's professionalism invitation to bring our full authentic selves to work signals that this place could be the place to safely shed the guys we could collect the parts of ourselves we've compartmentalized and trust that our differences will be seen as assets not liabilities seated in this call for authenticity is this idea that those who don't have to spend all the energy hiding parts of themselves could find more fulfillment at work the expectation is that the more we could just be ourselves perhaps just maybe others will follow suit the hope is that soon enough the culture of the entire organization will shift becoming more inclusive and welcoming of difference my type of difference so i show up to work as i am with my afro my family photos my disability accommodation needs my questions my pushback my perspective grounded in the lived experience of all my identities i show up with this full authentic self to perform my job with excellence but when the time comes for the stretch projects the promotion equal pay recognition mentors sponsors i'm overlooked you need to work on being more of a team player they say your approach makes it difficult to work with you they say try to help others feel more comfortable around you they say you are hurting your relationships at work when you talk about racism they say no promotion no mentor no votes we cannot compete in the costume contest without a costume and expect to win the call to brave work with more authenticity undeservedly disadvantages people of color those of us who are already burdened with the task of chronically battling bias with precision the work to shift culture is designed to cost us our own mental and physical health if who we are makes us as difficult as they say than this demand for our authenticity compromises our careers listen the fact is this one person or even a few people coming just as we are cannot change company culture how would change happen alongside rewards for coded definitions of fit what difference would it make to allege a value for diversity without sustaining evidence of that value in any meaningful way we know what we're up against authenticity has become a palatable proxy to mask the pressing need to end the racism ageism ableism sexism homophobia xenophobia and the like that run rampant throughout our professional lives without accountability to examine these systems of bias and power the call for authenticity fails it fails to question who is in the room who sits at that table and who gets to be heard it fails to demand that we reveal the truth about how racism impacts decisions about who's in the room who sits at that table and who gets to be heard what many people of color find is that even when we are in the room sitting at that table stating firmly i am speaking very few people are actually listening it can start to feel like like our bodies are wanted in the room but not our voices look i know what that's like a couple years ago at the end of a senior leadership brainstorming meeting i was called into an unscheduled check-in with an executive she sounded enthusiastic about how my contributions helped move the project forward so it surprised me when she then suggested that in future meetings i should try to be more agreeable to help give others a win if i did have feedback she advised that i send it over email instead honestly i was taken aback like here i was feeling like my contributions mattered that my seat at that table had proved pivotal to the success of our work together excitedly i felt a lightness ideating alongside my colleagues without reserve the work was riveting so i opted outside of my usual guardedness i stopped hiding my opinions i worried less about those constricted norms of how i should express myself for the first time i felt like like i could take off that costume so many of us have to wear clearly that was a mistake at the end of her comments i tried to keep it real with her i said your advice is consistent with the way women of color black women especially are treated at work her response fit perfectly into this three-step framework i've now come to know as darvo deny attack reverse the victim with the offender darville sounds like this jody ann this has nothing to do with your race deny you're just being too sensitive and angry attack you know if you're going to play the race card every time i try to give you feedback is going to make it really hard for us to work together i just want you to be successful here i'm just trying to support you who's the victim now her attempts to gaslight me to psychologically manipulate me into questioning my own reality was futile even then in that moment i knew that my experience was not unique for too many black women and other people of color people living with disabilities non-binary people deaf people lgbtqia plus people and others among us that are constantly featured on the come work with us section on company websites we know this harsh reality intimately being authentic privileges those already part of the dominant culture it is much easier to be who you are when who you are is all around you coming just as we are when we're the first the only the different or one of the few can prove too risky so we wear the costume we keep the truer parts of ourselves hidden we straighten our curly hair for interviews we pick up hobbies we do not enjoy we restate our directives as optional suggestions we talk about the weather instead of police brutality we mourn for brianna taylor alone we ignore the racist comments our supervisor makes we stop correcting our mispronounced names we ask fewer questions we learn to say nothing and smile we omit parts of our stories we erase parts of ourselves our histories and present realities show this to be the best path for success but now our society is reaching a new tipping point inequities racism and bigotry are finding fewer places to cower silences are becoming harder to keep our most radical collective imaginations for racial justice are reaching new possibilities and so i'm asking that we the people who have and continue to be denied inclusion in that refrain dedicate the authentic fullness of who we are to that work the work of making space everywhere for who we are to breathe but just for a moment let me step away from that work to tell the rest of you this black people do not need to be any more authentic so no this black disabled immigrant woman will not be bringing her full authentic self to work but she is asking that you those of you with the power of your positions and the protection of your whiteness and other societal privileges you did not earn to take on that risk instead there's an opportunity in this movement for change for you to do just that change not your hearts and minds close the gap between what you say and how we're treated change your decisions make working effectively across racial and cultural differences a core competency in hiring and performance management for everyone define good product design as one that centers the most underserved people close the racial gender pay gap starting first with latinx women build responsive people systems to manage racial conflict with equity and justice these aren't the decisions that shift culture but rather a tiny sample of the expansive possibilities of what you can actually do today in your next meeting to realize the hope for racial equity you do the work to make it safe for me to come just as i am with my full authentic self that's your job not mine it's your party not mine you set the rules and rewards so i'm asking you what will it take to win in your contest thank you

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 200,838

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, Global Issues, Business, Race, Racism, Society

Id: HRi-jpzBiGo

Length: 15min 40sec (940 seconds)

Published: Sat Dec 26 2020