Why My wedding was the worst day of my life|Abigail Ruth Munyai | I've Been through the Most

[Music] one night i called home couldn't reach my mom on the phone i was worried tried my brother he wasn't answering what was going on i just thought perhaps they're all engaged and they can't answer the phone so i decided the next day to wake up and go home caught a taxi and upon arrival i didn't know where to go because when i got home it was all locked nobody was there and you could see nobody had been there for quite a while good day everybody my name is abigail ruth mabato munai and i am the author of a book series titled from the view of a preacher's kid i was born and bred in the small town louis trihat this town is found in limpopo i am an orphan and i only have one sibling by the name of carol praise munai growing up i had a really good bond with my father a bond that words could never explain one day on a wednesday i arrived home from school and i found him standing by his toilet and i asked him if he was okay he said he was but i could see from his facial expression that he wasn't that day i was going to get my hair done a house away from home and i then explained to him that it was time for me to go he then said he would gladly accompany me we took that walk together and just as the lady began to do my hair he then said to me abigail i am leaving i didn't quite understand or i didn't at that moment realized the deeper meaning in those words he said he was leaving and he was indeed i just didn't understand how i then i then looked at him and i said no it's okay i'll see you when i get home two days later he stopped speaking and literally he was no longer able to speak my mom and brother rushed him to the hospital and that sunday at church i went to the bathroom and i began to pray and i said god this is a man of god he's a pastor of a congregation a father to his children a husband to his wife and he played a huge role in the community altogether he was a principal of a school a very loved he was needed in society and i tried to plead my case to god in that prayer monday morning i was at school when my aunts came to fetch me they told me that we were going to see my dad in hospital but when i arrived home something was just weird there were tons and tons of cars and i i was still young at that time so i didn't make much of it but when we walked in everybody hugged me and my brother and they told us that my father had passed away it was on the 23rd of january my mom's birthday and since that day the day carried a bitter sweet aroma to it because we never knew whether we should be happy or whether we should be sad [Music] my mom was broken we were all broken we were shattered and then it came back to me he told me he was leaving i just didn't know where to [Music] since then life became very very difficult i remember in the year of 2007 the well-known pastor twonzi number was holding a conference it was the seventh of the seventh month in 2007 and he made a prophecy to my mom he said to her your finances are going to change we became so happy and we thought wow life is going to get better you know god is going to change our situation but it actually meant the opposite my mom opened several businesses in attempt to make a living for herself and all of them collapsed it became so so bad we had no food in the house there was no electricity she couldn't pay school fees she couldn't buy us supplies no stationery no clothes no electricity things began to get rotten in the fridge and of course the bond on the house was due such a difficult time i remember it as if it were yesterday [Music] we would try to make the most of what we had but as you all know that's not as easy as it sounds i watched our furniture get auctioned away i watched them foreclose the house my mom tried to be strong through it all without any support from relatives without any support from anybody all we had was each other my mom then tried to rent out an apartment we went and lived there and i could see that she was broken and she was trying to hold on with a very less strength [Music] after that i remember going to varsity and she couldn't afford for me to go to varsity so by the grace of god i had received a bursary and i was studying one night i called home couldn't reach my mom on the phone i was worried tried my brother he wasn't answering what was going on [Music] i just thought perhaps they're all engaged and they can't answer the phone so i decided the next day to wake up and go home quite a taxi and upon arrival i didn't know where to go because when i got home it was all locked nobody was there and you could see nobody had been there for quite a while so i asked my neighbors i tried reaching my mom and when i finally got hold of her what i found out is they had been locked out of that flat because my mom was unable to pay she had actually resigned from her work to become a full-time pastor as she said god had called her to do she was homeless we were all homeless we didn't have a place to sleep she had been sleeping at different places different houses every night you know jumping from one friend to the next and my brother as well just trying to get a roof over his head every night trying to get food into his stomach every night they didn't even have a change of clothes because they were locked out one man she said it was a friend of hers had her farm and he said on his farm he had a house it was a very old dilapidated house and that's where his workers were living and he said you could give her a room and indeed she moved there the place was very bad you know when i when i went to see her they my heart just tore into pieces it stunk it was dirty you know and i kept wondering what's the point of having relatives if they don't help you in your time of need you know what's the point of having people around you if they can't help you in your time of need this was a woman of god you know i didn't understand what was happening it was horrible it was really horrifying for me to see at such a young age [Music] then my brother went into business with his friend and just as the business was picking up then they threatened to foreclose on my mom's car it was an isuzu a double cab and it was owing quite a huge amount of money and my friend and his friend my brother and his friend then decided that they would pay it off so that it doesn't get foreclosed and they did but that was just a tip of the iceberg greater was still to come we were still going to go through mountains and mountains of issues and so he got a place to rent and so she moved in with them so she could finally move away from that horrible place on the farm and as she was staying there um you know she she was trying to make the most of what she could then she was able to get another place to rent a small two-bedroom house at that time i felt pregnant out of wedlock and i remember that it was nine months into my pregnancy so it was right around the expectancy date we had a baby shower on a sunday and then the following sunday my mom passed away in the house she actually woke up in the morning asked my brother to get her milk she said she felt heartburn at that time we didn't think much of it but then we went into her room and found that she was gone obviously at such a young age we didn't really think that she was gone so we tried carrying her into the car and i remember i was nine months pregnant so i couldn't help carrie my brother ran out and he tried to find someone to help him to carry her into the car they carried her into the car and upon arrival at the hospital she was declared dead and it then made sense that she had been dead all along i was so angry at god i had prayed i had applied the recipe and i was expecting it to be successful i had been taught my whole life being born into a christian family been born into a pastor's house being a preacher's kid i knew that prayer worked i knew that prayer was effective and if i prayed i expected the results that came along with prayer and i believed i truly believed that i had full faith and they both died anyways irrespective of my prayer irrespective of what i had done by following all the steps as i should have in the recipe she died he died i was so angry a few days later i gave birth to my firstborn son by the name of taylor i was so numb throughout because my mom had just passed away i had just buried her i was angry at the world angry at this god and i felt like he wasn't there for me at the time that i needed him the most i just didn't understand i felt that we had been through enough we had been through so much and yet this again remember because we didn't have a house we didn't have a home and she had rented out the apartment we didn't have a place to stay after she passed away so i had to start working at a very young age forcing me to mature at a very young age i i then started working at a bank and then my brother and i rented out an apartment together we were trying our best to survive no help from anybody just the two of us we worked and we tried to make the most of what we could at that time and immediately while i'm still trying to get into a new life to turn over a new leaf to stand on my feet i got a lot of phone calls from relatives from people in the community and they were talking down at me for having this child outside of wedlock and they were saying i would need them to marry the father of my child to try and live up to the image or to to the memory of my parents as pastors because having a child out of wedlock as a christian is a sin and i had this guilt i had this pleasure from society and this pressure from people that expected to protect me and so i caved i gave in i then tried by all means to to correct my first mistake of getting pregnant out of wedlock by another mistake getting married without understanding the implications without understanding the consequences without even understanding the institution of marriage itself and at that time financially my partner wasn't ready and i i tried my best to help him financially so that we could get married and correct the first mistake little did i know this was another mistake on our wedding day i should have been happy it was my wedding day it was the saddest day of my life i i i was under so much pressure trying to make everybody happy at my own expense so many instances so many things happen on the day that even if i try to talk about them it would take me days it was so difficult my mom wasn't there and none of her relatives came to support me it was only her two brothers out of the entire family um all her sisters didn't come their husbands didn't come their children didn't come it was only the two uncles and i felt so alone but once again i had to be brave and go through with it because i had to set the record straight and i had to make things right at least to honor the memory of my parents so got married a year later um it had been a horrible year by the way a year where there was no intimacy in my relationship i i was dealing with the in-laws dealing with all of these issues by myself i found out that my partner was cheating on me and when i tried to report him to the pastor he became abusive he would throw me against the wardrobe because he'd like he wanted to take the phone away from me the phone that had it all the evidence on it and that's the evidence i wanted to produce to the pastor as proof of what he had been doing um we went for marriage counseling i played by the book i really did try my best to save that marriage for the memory of my parents as the pressure from society you know was forcing me to do um i remember not feeling anything it just became a life that i would wake up every day sleep as long as everybody was happy i was trying to please everybody but myself it got to a point where i said enough is enough i'm not doing this anymore and i felt for divorce after having done all to save the force of a marriage i failed so i set up the divorce all by myself i didn't tell a single soul um and when he realized that i had filed for divorce he became violent he started accusing me of promiscuity he started accusing me of a lot of things and he would come to where i stayed and he would bang on the doors he would threaten to break down the the you know the doors and the butlers and i was very afraid because i was living alone and i remember opening the door for him he shouted at me he he was a new person when i looked in his eyes i didn't recognize him you know i tried to run away he chased me he caught me and nobody was doing anything the neighbors nobody was reacting i was so afraid i couldn't sleep that night you know i remember in the morning i went to work and everybody at work looked at me and they said what's wrong with you and i explained what happened my boss then asked one of my colleagues to accompany to the police department we then filed for protection order which was granted i had never been so afraid in my life and i was never given an opportunity to communicate what i was going through i was going through it all alone i still wonder how i made it till this day it was horrible it was a very horrible lengthy uh divorce process because then there was custody of the child we were fighting and i felt like what's the use of me even being alive everything in my life has been a better you know without my parents life has been horrible it was a huge wake-up call that being an orphan actually meant that the the people that brought you into this world the people that cared about you are no longer there it's just you i struggled i really struggled to come to peace with my new identity and the consequences of being an orphan i then said to god you know what i have been faithful i have been your child i have done everything that i should have done and was expected to do and yet my life is only a story of pain after pain just as joseph betrayal after betrayal there was nothing that was working out in my life and there was nothing i could do to make it work and so i said god i'm taking a break from believing in you from praying to you all i've done has not paid off so i'm stopping right here i'm stopping and i'm giving myself to the world and whatever happens happens and i threw myself into the world i got lost into drinking i got lost into a life where i was trying to find myself because i i had lost myself you know my identity i didn't know who i was i didn't know who i believed in or what i believed in anymore and it was just so difficult and painful and the only way to numb the pain was to be drunk nobody even knew what i was going through i was drowning in my own issues and i was waving for people to try and save me but no one could see that i was drowning everybody assumed i was okay because if everybody asks you how are you doing the standard response is i'm okay even though you're not he kept on threatening me even after the divorce you know he would harass me and it was so difficult he supported his child for a while and then he stopped you know he stopped caring then the financial expense of raising my child was not only on me and at that time i was i was earning peanuts i couldn't even make ends meet i couldn't i was live you know the whole eating or living hand-to-mouth thing was even better than what i was going through because i could barely afford to live life life was so difficult for me and i i couldn't explain and all throughout these years i'm busy having dreams that i can't even explain you know i i'm going through emotional chaos physical chaos spiritual chaos at the same time i didn't understand what what was going on because my dreams were you know in my dreams i would see myself praying and casting out demons and what was manifesting my life total opposite i couldn't explain or understand myself what was going through i remember there was a time i felt so sick that i couldn't walk my feet was so painful i couldn't walk when we went to the doctor he said it can't be arthritis he couldn't even say what it was but i couldn't walk the pain was excruciating when i had blankets on my feet would be like it was like they were burning when i take the blankets off my feet are so cold i don't understand what am i supposed to do he suggested meds you know anti-inflammatories i took them a change of diet i stopped taking any type of spice and i've stuck only to chicken and i tried so much but and throughout that period of my sickness i'm dreaming these uh dreams that i cannot explain where i'm seeing a a spiritual warfare and in that spiritual warfare i had to cast out the demon and i had to deal with it i didn't have the strength at that time i didn't have the knowledge i didn't understand what was going on it was all too much and all at once and when i when i tried to stand up i kept getting knocked down when i tried to get on my knees i kept getting knocked down nothing was working out for me i cannot even begin to explain the kind of sufferings i went through and when i when i look back only at that section or that portion of my life i only see the grace of god because as angry as i was at him i could see that still his love his mercy and his protection was there for me nothing ever came easy into my life every single place that i went to i realized that my new identity came with a new set of issues a new set of problems a new set of sufferings that i had to go through you know as an orphan life is not easy you have to do everything by yourself and everybody takes advantage of you i've had people tell me to my face you know what in this family you have to take whatever you get because there's no one there to support you and really there is no one there to support me i face everything on a daily basis on my on my own when i had my operations when when i was in hospital i wished my mom was there to nurse me back to health every single time i was in hospital and i lay in my bed i thought of my parents and i thought of there's nobody coming to visit me at this hospital i'm all alone and that was the story of my life all the time i was alone in every situation i was alone no matter what problem i faced i was alone and the biggest clash that i had was within myself that's the biggest problem i had because the only god that i was raised to know i was angry at the only god that i was raised to serve i felt had left me all by myself i cried if pillows could talk if walls could talk i cried and i i i i had no peace i had no joy in my life but then god remembered me you see everything that you go through in life has a purpose and at that moment you may not realize it at that moment it may not make sense to you because the constant confusion or the constant misunderstanding is that you are born as a preacher's kid because you need to become somebody as a result of the family you're born into in laymen english as a preacher's kid community places us on pedestals that we could never live up to people have expectations of us that we could never ever live up to people looked at me and as a worshipper and as a preacher's kid people expected me to always be holier than thou to be perfect nobody is perfect for only jesus is only only god is holy the rest of us are not holy and we could never ever live up to that it was then where god revealed to me the purpose in my life it was then with god revealed to me who i really was and he said to me my child you are not who you are because of the family you are born into but you were born into the family that you were born into because of who you are your destiny is so great that we needed to place you in a family that could groom you that could that the instances and the tribulations that you went through and everything that you went through it needed to be in that specific order you needed to be born into this family born in this town at this time for this generation because of the purpose because of your destiny and because of who you are and what you carry within you to say that everything does happen for a reason there is no such thing as a coincidence i didn't lose my father i didn't lose my mother i didn't go through a divorce i wasn't alone in life i wasn't homeless in life i wasn't in and out of hospital by myself for no good reason it's because of who i am today and then i met the love of my life i have a mentor pastor mohari you know he was always there for me and my mom and all of us through at war and when i introduced the love of my life to him he said something that even today resonates he said this man came into your life to wipe your tears [Music] and that's exactly what he has done [Music] as much as life has been harsh difficult lonely i met the lord rick goguera and he changed my life he wiped my tears and god blessed us took away that loneliness you know i went from being alone to having my own little family you know god blessed us with two beautiful kids and the elder one is called ofunwa and the young one is called ebi onanguao between the two of us we actually have five kids we have two beautiful princesses and three princes god has been so faithful he has enlarged my territory and he has blessed us beyond our wildest imagination today i am an author of a book series today i am a minister of the word of god today i am counseling individuals today i am a motivational speaker and today i can sit here and talk to all of you because of what i've been through my name is abigail ruth mabato munyay and i have been through the most [Music] you

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Length: 29min 22sec (1762 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 02 2021