Congratulations soldier, you've just been
picked to be part of a four-man crew on an American Abrams Main Battle Tank. That's right, you'll officially be on board
one of the most powerful machines on earth, a tank so tough that none have ever- in its
entire lifetime- been destroyed by enemy fire. You may be a total badass on the battlefield,
but buckle up buttercup, because you're about to find out why life inside a tank sucks. Like tight spaces? We sure hope you do, because the first thing
you're going to notice about life inside a tank is that there's not much room to move
around. The total area for a crew inside a tank is
only a few square feet, and that's because as you begin your new life as a tanker you
very quickly realize that the machine comes well before the humans. After all, a modern battle tank can easily
level an entire neighborhood block, while you probably struggle to fight your way out
of a wet paper bag. Hopefully you're not claustrophobic, because
not only is the interior of a tank an extremely tight squeeze, but it gets even worse when
the tank is fully buttoned down- and that's going to be most of the time. Until scientists figure out how to make humans
obsolete, a tank is only as functional as its soft, squishy human crew, so anytime you're
cruising around your big bad battle mobile, you can be certain that you're going to be
locked down and buttoned up tighter than Fort Knox. Nearly every modern battle tank can operate
inside a nuclear, chemical, or biological environment, meaning that when these things
seal up, we mean it. Hope you like that air you're breathing, because
you're going to be breathing it in over and over again for hours- potentially even up
to two days straight. Scrubbers in the air filtration system will
keep you from suffocating on your own carbon dioxide, but, well, they don't work quite
as well on other things- like smells. Go ahead and take a quick whiff under your
armpit right now, then go ahead and close your eyes and imagine how bad you might stink
after spending an entire day buttoned up in an airtight tank. Sure, modern tanks have air conditioning,
but when it comes to a very long list of priority equipment and systems to keep well maintained
and repaired, the AC comes in dead last. If you happen to have the luck of serving
in a warm tropical, or scorching hot desert environment, then you'll very soon understand
what it feels like for cookies every time you stick them in an oven. Huffing down your own funk is bad enough,
but with an up to four-man crew, you're going to have to get used to the particular flavors
of your crewmates. For a good approximation of what this is like,
next time you're around a sweaty friend, go ahead and stick your face in their armpit,
and then take in several deep huffs of air. Hold it in, really savor the sweat stank coursing
down your esophagus and saturating your lungs with their salty stink. Let the vapors linger as they work their way
back up your respiratory system and come up the back of your throat and into your mouth. Yeah, that's what living in a tank with three
other guys is like. But as you check out the digs in your new
battle ride, you might notice that there seem to be several critical amenities missing. You might pay upwards of $3,000 a month for
the same square footage apartment in New York City or San Francisco, but at least those
places will come with a bathroom. Inside a modern tank the only bathroom that
exists is... well, the one you invent for yourself. Gotta pee? Old gatorade bottle will do in a pinch- just
don't confuse it with, you know, your actual gatorade. Gotta go number two though? Well, there's a reason your crew commander
warned you to save the plastic bag your MRE came in. That's right, even after one hundred years
of tank technological improvements and innovations, the best technique for taking a deuce in a
modern tank is the age-old tradition of pooping in a bag. A modern tank may be the 70 ton embodiment
of God's vengeful wrath on a sinful world, but while you're stuck in it you're still
pooping in your sandwich baggie. Forget about hopping out so you can pinch
a loaf off real quick from the side of the tank, tanks operate on the most dangerous
battlefields on earth- and that means that the life expectancy of a tank crewman outside
of his actual tank is vanishingly short. When you're living in a tank, you're gonna
be squatting your grumps in the tank, not outside of it. For our more astute viewers, this has likely
already led to the question on many of your minds- what happens after you're done laying
wolf bait? Like, what happens to it? Well, modern tanks are thankfully equipped
with a trash incineration device that instantly disintegrates whatever trash the crew generates
and- ha, just kidding. That's right, over one hundred years of tank
design and still the best solution to what happens after someone takes the Browns to
the superbowl is to simply stow it away. That's tank speak for you're hanging on to
your poop until it's safe to actually exit the vehicle. Hopefully your pop receptacle is air tight-
but since you'll be using plastic sandwich baggies or plastic MRE bags, then it most
definitely won't be. At least try to tie a tight knot onto it,
and not repeat the unfortunate disaster aboard Apollo 10 when one of the astronaut's hersey's
kisses started floating around the cabin. With all the shaking and banging a tank does
as it moves around the countryside though, odds are eventually you're gonna have a loose
turd rolling around. Marinating in the smells of your crew's poop,
urine, and sweat though is only some of the perks of getting to drive around the most
powerful machines on earth, because the other perk is occasional and extremely excruciatingly
painful injuries. As we've mentioned, the actual human crew
is more an afterthought for many tank designs, and in tanks like the German Leopard 2 it's
all too easy for the crew to get seriously injured, if not killed, by their own machines. One German tanker was once caught in the machinery
of the turret and had his femur snapped cleanly in two, though broken arms, fingers, and even
legs are not uncommon injuries for tankers. We seriously cannot overstate just how much
you don't want to be in the way of a 70 ton murder machine. At least though you'll get to make big bangs
driving your tank around, and every time that big main cannon fires off you can expect the
cabin to fill up with cordite from the fired round. You can add that one to your laundry list
of savory aromas you'll get to enjoy in your life inside a tank. Listen, there's one obvious perk to life inside
a tank though, and that's mainly the fact that if you happen to be riding inside an
American Abrams or British Challenger, there's really not much on the modern battlefield
that's going to be anything more than a pesky annoyance. Small arms fire? Kick your feet up as you enjoy the tin-roof
like sound of high caliber rounds plinking off your thick armor plating. RPGs, those are cute- bet they would tickle
a little if one hit you. They certainly tickled an American Abrams
that took over 52 RPGs in one day and only suffered a thrown track. IEDs? Well, unless the IED is the size of a... well,
a tank, then it's not going to do much but maybe scuff the paint. You might be feeling invulnerable, but you're
also going to be a pretty priority target on any battlefield, and while anything we've
discussed isn't going to do much but annoy you, there's plenty of weapons out there that
can seriously crap your day up. You can be sure that if you're facing a modern,
or even close-to-modern foe, then you're going to have everything from bonafide anti-tank
missiles to other tanks trying to knock you out of the fight. And while your thick armor may protect you
from most things sent your way, even a hit that doesn't penetrate the armor can be deadly
to the crew inside. That's thanks to spalling, or when a hit is
absorbed by the tank's armor, but the energy actually causes the inside of the armor to
fracture and fire off shards of razor sharp metal inside the crew compartment. You really don't want to get in the way of
a three inch shard of sharp metal traveling a few dozen feet per second any more than
you want to get your arms or legs in the way of any of the moving machinery inside the
tank. Then there's the fact that any round that
actually manages to penetrate the interior of a tank... well, it's not going to be particularly
survivable for the crew. A fighter pilot can still eject if his plane
is hit by a missile or gunfire, and even soldiers in a Humvee can be completely unharmed or
just dazed if they roll over an IED. But if an anti-tank round hits your tank and
penetrates, well, that kind of stuff is just simply not survivable. Humans are just too squishy. A high explosive round for instance may not
be particularly effective against modern tanks thanks to modern armor, but if you're caught
with your head out of the turret when it goes off, it's going to basically ruin your day
by taking your head clean off. A high explosive squash head round on the
other hand is going to very much ruin your day if you're sitting inside your tank, these
rounds create a large surface explosion on the outside of the tank which causes the metal
armor on the inside to shatter and spall, showering the crew with high speed shrapnel. The use of spaced armor has made these rounds
less effective, but still a danger. If you come under fire from an armor piercing
discarding sabot round however, you better hope your armor is up to manufacturer's specifications,
because if not it's going to be your last day on earth. These rounds use no explosives, and instead
fire a very thin needle-like projectile which penetrates through layers of tank armor. By the time the penetrator makes it to the
interior of the tank it's been fractured so badly that it turns into a deadly high-speed
shower of razor sharp shrapnel. If you're on the business end of a depleted
uranium round such as those used by American tanks, then we hope you've got a solid last
will and testament, because no known tank on earth has survived a hit from one of these
bad boys. Lastly you've got high explosive anti-tank
rounds to concern yourself with, which like to mix things up by providing a fun party
mix of high-speed kinetic penetrator death along with high explosives. If the kinetic projectile that punches through
your armor doesn't kill you, then the searing hot explosion that follows it certainly will. And if you happen to be running around with
your own ammunition exposed, then you can be sure that the sudden rise in temperature
to several hundred degrees will cause your ammo to cook off, further adding to the explosive
death fun. At least it'll be quick. With the threat of instant death, absolutely
zero leg room, and the joy of marinating in the poop smells of a four-man crew, you might
be wondering who exactly would even want to serve as a tanker anyways? Well, sure, they're uncomfortable, dangerous,
and a priority target on any battlefield, but they're also pretty much the most badass
machines mankind has ever made, and that in itself is a compelling argument for putting
up with pooping inside a bag for days on end. A modern tank is after all, the literal embodiment
of the wrath of a vengeful god on a sinful world, and short of another, even better tank,
or perhaps serious air support, there's not much that's going to stop your rampage across
a battlefield. And definitely not things as flimsy as 'buildings'
or 'walls'. But a thrown track definitely will, and despite
how tough modern tank armor is, the truth is tank treads might as well be made of egg
shells for how often they get damaged or thrown. Even just taking a turn too sharp is enough
for a tank to throw a track, and in that case you can look forward to the fun of having
to lift hundreds of pounds of metal tracks with just you and your crew mates as you desperately
try to fix your busted tracks so your giant murder machine can actually move. But hey, at least then you could poop outside
the tank for a change. Sick of tanks? Why not learn about why living on a submarine
sucks by clicking this video here. Or perhaps you'd prefer this other video instead. Either way click one now and keep this watch
party going!
