Why I Rethought My Life With My Husband In My 70’s | Life With Sandra Hart

today is a heart-to-heart conversation a lot of people ask themselves should I stay or should I [Music] go in the mirror of time I see reflections of life's tapestry moments of Joy moments of strife each shaping The Story of My [Music] Life welcome back it's so wonderful to see you again today I'm going to be covering a topic that a lot of you may be surprised to hear but it's very close to my heart and I have had community members ask me questions if they are in a relationship or a marriage and they're wondering should they stay or should they go my answer to that well it depends if you of course are in a relationship where there is abuse uh where there is uh anger or violence definitely run as fast as you can and try to find shelter with your family or wherever you can but it's never never good to be in a relationship that compromises your happiness or your safety and that aside I have sometimes thought about decisions that I have made in my life and you may be surprised to hear that I know some of you have followed me you've watched Arthur in my interviews and um he was one of a kind he was a a bachelor till he was 57 as you know and didn't get married I was widowed and had three children but it seemed to work it was like yin and yang but one thing I did know about Arthur and it reminded me so much of the Henry wodsworth poem there was a girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead and when she was good she was very very good but when she was bad she was a horror well that kind of explains my husband in a nutshell we were married for a total of 38 years when he passed at the age of 96 but it may surprise all of you and this is something I have not shared with anyone here on YouTube but because it relates to marriage and it may help other people decide what they want to do with their lives when uh we were married for 30 years uh Arthur throughout the years brought a lot of baggage with him into the marriage as I did as well but his baggage was very hard to deal with sometimes in his family unit when he was growing up they didn't communicate with each other very well and the only way that they knew how to communicate and to voice their frustration or when things didn't go wrong they would fight and yell and scream with each other Arthur's household was always full of anger and resentment and of course a young child absorbs that and he brought that into his life as an adult man he in a way when I'm thinking about it you know after we got married for a while that he had a LoveHate relationship with his mother and that carried off into his adult relationship with women he was running away from women as fast as he could and when I came along in his life because I had no desire whatsoever to get married I was raising my children I had a good career and I was just just happy to be single and on my own so that was the attraction is that I wasn't chasing him he felt free and so when my children when got older and were teenagers uh Arthur and I decided that maybe it would be okay to be married that we could get together we never live together but that we would Bond our yin and yang together other and to make a happy marriage well it was that way for a while because I was very tolerant uh I didn't try to change him and because Arthur is was very charismatic and open and friendly and social and I was more of a quiet person I was very tolerant and I always thought before I spoke so it was it worked it was yin and yang working but after a while when my children grew up and Arthur and I were on our own and he uh became older he he became more controlling more belligerent and um out of control in a way with his emotions and one time I just decided after 30 years of marriage that I'd had it I really deserved just some peace and quiet and I deserved not to be in this atmosphere that I was always using psychology to make everything work so I filed for divorce after 30 years and I know you're thinking is she crazy but I was in my 70s I was self-sufficient I knew that I had the ability to earn a living and uh I could be do very well on my own but Arthur didn't that separation time Arthur lost 35 pounds he grew a long beard uh like Santa Claus and he really deteriorated fast so I had to make a big decision in my life was it worth keeping my marriage and and on honoring my vows of For Better or For Worse did I truly love the man that I married and was he able to change now I couldn't change him he had to do it himself and when I saw what was happening to him I thought you know I don't want to get married again I made the decision that I was going to try to save our marriage so we went into therapy I think that separation time that we had together really shocked him and made him realized how much the marriage and I meant to him we went into therapy a relationship therapy and eventually within a period of maybe about 3 or four months we both fell in love with each other again because we were able to accept who we are I understood Arthur and I understood the baggage that he brought into the relationship and of course I was traumatized by my second marriage and I had that going on also with me but I really decided that it was the marriage was worth saving and I think the biggest thing that is a takeaway from this and if you are in a situation where you are in a mature marriage and you've been married for a long time and the children have left I think you have to make a decision for yourself will you be happier on your own are you able to survive on your own without great difficulty do you not love the person that you are divorcing the biggest question I think you do have to ask is staying and fighting for your marriage worth it to you I know that I am so grateful that I did that myself self because the last eight years of our marriage were absolutely wonderful and I am so grateful that I made the decision to spend the rest of my life and his life with him kind of a serious topic today I um hope uh that this may help you if you're having problems with your marriage and it may help you appreciate what you have even more if you have a love loving relationship in your marriage and you haven't had too many bumps here and there take care and um thank you for being here and I hope to see you in my next [Music] video

Channel: Life With Sandra Hart

Views: 185,435

Keywords: life over 60 with Sandra, Over 60, Over 50, Mature relationships, Mature marriages in trouble, Divorce, Marriage counseling, life with Sandra hart, Mel Robbins, Jordan Peterson, Mature beauty community, Best marriage advice ever, Stay or leave a marriage, relationship advice, this video will make you think, Ted talk, How my husband and I saved our marriage, Big life decisions, long marriages, Best motivational video in 2924, life coach advice, Advice from 85 year old

Id: 6oh3ADZRENE

Length: 10min 25sec (625 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 16 2024