Why I had to step away from my acting career in Hollywood...

the industry has damaged me and [Music] I stepped away from my acting career yeah don't worry I'm gonna explain okay we're gonna explain I'm finally ready to talk about it talk about why and just share a life update about what's been going on with me you guys deserve to know especially because my channel is very focused around acting for those of you who regularly watch my videos or know what my channel is about you understand that this is a pretty big deal for others who might be new to my channel hello there my name is Michaela lizac and you might be thinking this girl's quitting her acting career like I never seen you on anything like you're not a big star so why does it matter why are you making this so dramatic well I've actually had a very long career in Hollywood I've been working in this industry since I was nine years old being an actress has been my identity for the past 10 years of my life and I represent the millions of actors out there who are pursuing careers not necessarily the Stars that's like two percent of everybody who is trying to become an actor and I'm one of them even though I actually am very blessed that I've had a working career where many many many others don't have that at all so I'm very very blessed for that even though I'm not like a big name star it has consumed my life and today I'm going to talk about how it consumed me a little too much um okay and that's why I had to step away but I've been going to therapy and I feel like I'm finally ready and I actually have a sponsor in this video okay okay don't come for me I actually have been using this monster of this video for my therapy so I want to thank betterhelp for sponsoring this video I have been using the service for the past two months and it's really helped me a lot I love my therapist betterhelp's mission is to make therapy more affordable and accessible and this is an important Mission because finding a therapist can be really hard especially when you're limited to options in your area betterhelp is a platform that makes finding a therapist easier because it's online and by filling out a few questions betterhelp can match you with a professional therapist in as little as a few days you have Choice over how you communicate with your therapist there's text phone call and video call betterhelp also allows you to tailor what you want in a therapist for me it was important that I had a female therapist so I just selected that option when I was trying to get matched it's easy to sign up and get matched with a therapist there's a link in my description it's betterhelp.com Michaela lizac clicking that link helps support this channel but it also gives you 10 off your first month of Better Health so you can connect with a therapist and see if the service helps you because I know it definitely helped me because finding a therapist is a little bit like dating if you don't really fit with the therapist you get matched with which is a common thing in therapy you can easily switch to a new therapist at no additional cost without worrying about who's in your network Insurance stuff like that so if you're struggling consider online therapy with better help click the link in the description or visit betterhelp.com Michaela lizac that's a better help.com Michaela lizac thank you again betterhelp for supporting this Channel first off I want to get into my journey I want to give a brief summary of my career in Hollywood so I initially wanted to become an actress in third grade I was cast as Dorothy in the school play at my elementary school and I just remember absolutely loving it performing was always something I really loved and I begged my mom to get me an agent I got signed with an agency really quickly and within my first month of being in La I booked my first commercial job so the ball was rolling for me and it really felt like I was fulfilling my destiny everything was falling into place and for the next years it only continued to get better I booked more Network tele vision and I went from co-star roles to guest stars and then I got recurring jobs I was truly thriving but there were definitely a lot of moments of just extreme heartbreak and disappointment you know I was grateful for the jobs I got but I remember being so young and so hopeful I went into the industry wanting to be like that Hannah Montana on screen wanting to be you know the Disney star like all the children want to be which I'm so glad that never happened to me thank you Jesus for looking out God's plan is always better than your plan okay but um that was what I wanted at the time and I remember getting so close to some of those opportunities callbacks and then producer sessions and then even for some things being put on a pin or a veil or on hold and then losing out to another actress and having to sit in front of the TV and watch somebody else perform the role perform the lines you slaved over and the emotion you put into a character all of that go to somebody else when I was like 10 years old feeling so heartbroken it was like I was gutted and I remember just crying to my mom but then through those tears I would get another email and I'd have to wipe them and then do it all over again and put my heart into a job that I didn't know I would get yet I was very blessed but really matured me super quickly so that's a little bit about how I grew up in the industry and how it's built me into the woman I am today which is so amazing I'm 19 now I want to fast forward to the summer before College I got into one of the biggest film schools in the world USC School cinematic Arts I know I talk about it all the time but I'm very proud to be a Trojan Hollywood runs on the Trojan Mafia if every USC Film School alumni took a sick day from Hollywood there would be no Hollywood because I'm telling you all of the most powerful people went to USC School of cinematic Arts the president of Marvel went to USC School cinematic Arts I feel so grateful that summer I was so excited to go to the school because while I was acting I was in love with screenwriting I remember looking at scripts that I would have to read and I would just be like who wrote this I remember when I was working on Mr Mercedes I just was enamored by David E Kelly and when I would be on flights to shoot in South Carolina I would be screenwriting on the plane taking the leap and applying to USC I honestly felt very confident like I knew that I was going to get in because I had dedicated so much time um and so much of my life to understanding screenplays understanding scripts when I got in it validated all those years like five years of teaching myself in discipline of learning how to be a good writer and it validated that I have what it takes because I got into such a prestigious program so over the summer you know I was excited about college I was doing you know my college prep Vlogs and all that but I also was acting at the same time and during that summer I got so close to booking different opportunities I went out for like three different TV shows and I got to the final stages for all of them one of them I specifically remember was poker face and I remember my manager calling me and she was like Michaela like it's you and one other person like they're debating right now they really like you you need to go get your booster shot because they want to make sure that like your double backs and I was like oh my gosh okay so I dropped everything I went to CVS and I made sure that I could get a booster shot and I remember the end of that day my manager called me she was like you know you didn't get and I just was like I it was disappointing because the other roles that I was so close to and it just nothing was panning out and I hadn't booked for a while um and so it was just constant like I'm being beat down like I'm getting so close and like nothing's panning out and the only way I was staying sane was like maybe this is God telling me that I need to focus on school so that summer I was very excited but also going through a lot of really tough emotions with acting not booking anything like am I good enough am I not talented like just really questioning my career and my profession it was really difficult specifically because of YouTube I feel like when I started making acting videos it added more pressure for me to book roles I Mentor people online and if I'm not booking what does that say about me what does that say about my credibility it was really hard for me and I felt like a fraud but now looking back I'm like Michaela you've had a great career you know what you're talking about and if you're an actor also remember this if you get callbacks if you get to those final stages that shows that you're doing something right that shows that you're talented because you're getting to those stages you're not getting pushed aside from the beginning even though it's a loss take it as a win there was just some aspect that was out of your control even though I was heartbroken the summer before College I still decided to do acting when I started school so let's go into college and my freshman year I decided to continue acting when I went to school I told my agents I'm gonna block out for the first month and I'm just going to get situated with school after the first month they started sending me auditions and I was able to do them I would come home I live extremely close to La so I was able to come home film auditions or sometimes I would film them in my dorm I remember it being very overwhelming I was taking 18 units I was getting used to a new schedule a new living situation acting auditions they come out of nowhere and you'll have to drop everything to make an audition or to memorize lines but I did it for the whole first and second semester of school I actually ended up booking two different jobs they weren't traditional acting jobs that I usually do they needed actors for help with the development of projects and like reading scripts so that the writers knew kind of how to develop it and move forward the one that I worked on first semester I signed an NDA for very talented people a-listers like crazy I wish I could talk about it but I can't I'd basically take a week off of school which was really difficult because when you miss out on one day of class my classes are three to four hours and when you miss out on one of those classes you miss a ton of information the information in that class is what you take to study for the rest of the week or the rest of the month it was really difficult like catching up and staying on track I went into school thinking I could definitely do this because the whole time in high school and Elementary School in middle school I was in public school cool while working on set going to auditions and I was able to have that balance and I knew how to do it I never homeschooled and so I thought going into college I could totally do this but College in that workload is a completely different Beast second semester I worked on another project um I don't I didn't I don't think I signed an NDA for it but just to be safe I I won't say like exactly what it is but we workshopped the script at the Gary Marshall Theater I got an offer for it it was the same casting for the last project I did for a semester so you might be thinking Michaela while you were working you were in school everything sounds pretty great why uh what what happened at the end so this is where mental health comes in we're gonna fast forward to the end of freshman year I developed really bad study habits procrastination specifically keep in mind that I was running a whole entire YouTube channel I was taking 18 units which is over the recommended workload for a student I'm at USC doing acting auditions and I was also going to social media events for again my influencing career I really procrastinated on projects so I could fit everything in I remember pulling all-nighters and truly like breaking down I remember I went to this Premiere with my friend Kiara I was saying yes to a ton of different things I went to the event I had so much fun I get back to her house it's 11 p.m and I have to write 14 pages of a script and it's due at 10 am the next morning that was the worst night of my life I finished and I was just crying I remember calling my boyfriend and my mom I was like why do I do this to myself during that same month I was having depressive episodes I was having panic attacks I had this audition and I was like okay I gotta do this paper and then oh like I'm gonna go home I have to do this audition and so like I raced home and then I was like okay I have to film it tonight and then I have to go back to school the next morning and I literally I set up my self tape I set up the paper I set up the lights I set up my camera and I was trying to like figure out the lines on the spot and I just could not breathe and I literally this was like one of the scariest things that's ever happened to me I didn't think I required I literally had a panic attack I couldn't breathe I had like so much caffeine that day just to try and keep going because I was like doing homework in the morning and then I was trying to memorize the script at the same day and finish it that night and I was just putting so much pressure on myself I'm sorry for crying my boyfriend and my dad they told me to lay down to sit down like they tried to help me breathe because I couldn't breathe it was so traumatic I had to put off the audition I couldn't do it I went back to school and I still would get anxiety I would still get mini panic attacks and that lasted like it lingered for a month and I felt I started feeling depressed I had to start going to therapy at school I genuinely felt like scared because I didn't know what was going on with me because usually I could handle so much so many different things I didn't know what was going on with myself I genuinely felt depressed and yet I I didn't step away from acting but I knew that acting was the trigger and I knew it for a long time because whenever I set up the camera or whenever I had to memorize lines it felt like a burden and it felt like I could be doing something else it felt like I wanted to do school it felt heavy and it I remember like even doing a self tape I'd be like okay like let's just get this done and I would be frustrated I would get really frustrated because I just knew that I was gonna put my heart into something that would not pan out it just wouldn't work that's how I felt sorry the very last month of school it was finals and that was during the time where I procrastinated on that one script the 14-page script during finals week was literally the time a tidal wave of auditions just hit my computer and I had to keep declining decline decline decline I'm doing finals and all this stuff I had like a few essays that I had just finished and I was like feeling really burnt out because of school I decided to take on this audition that came through because I felt bad for declining everything and I just remember being like Oh my God like I like I don't want to do this I just want to relax like I've had so much stress and I was also like you know I gotta film this video for YouTube like I gotta film my move out stuff I gotta film my last week of school I was just so in my own world that I literally forgot my little brother's birthday and I remember like looking at the date and I was like oh my God like I never told him happy birthday and I remember him like calling me he's like hey Michaela and I knew I knew he knew I forgot and I was like I'm done I I put down the script I shut my computer I called my mom and I said Mom I'm calling my agents I'm calling my manager because that was that was the straw that broke the camel's back my own stress my own world everything that was going on my head it was so consuming to the point where I forgot about my family the next morning I woke up I can post an email to my manager who I've been with for a very long time I don't know if she's watching this but I wrote her an email and I was terrified because I didn't know if she would leave I didn't want her to leave because I really love her as a manager she's so amazing she's been with me since I was little when I was composing the email I basically said I need a break from acting I don't know how long it's become a lot more emotionally heavy for me than I expected juggling it with college and I need a break so I wrote that email and I sent it I was in the gym just trying to de-stress like running on the treadmill and then my music stops playing and I see on my phone there's a call from my manager and I'm scared because I don't know what she's gonna say because clearly she read my email if she's calling me so I answered the phone on the treadmill I like stop the button and I'm like hello she's like hi like I was wondering if we could talk and so I'm like yeah like let me step outside because there was like gym music playing the whole time I'm walking out of the gym I'm just thinking the worst possible things the worst possible outcome I'm thinking okay my managers can drop me or my agents might drop me blah blah blah and I get outside I'm like hello and she just says thank you so much for telling me this and she's she said I just want you to know take all the time you need I started crying right then and there and I was like thank you so much she was like you know there's a possibility that your agency can drop you and so she kind of asked me how I felt about that and I said I've mentally prepared myself to be dropped by my agents and she said okay we'll see what they say and so I go about the rest of my day manager called me again and she said my agents understand and they said tape all the time you need so I still have my management I still have my agents and right now I'm on a break from acting and I don't know how long I'm gonna be on the break but I've been going about my summer I finished school and I've been taking care of my mental health and I've been going to therapy we talked through the procrastination which is also something that flows into my acting I'll like put off studying a script until last minute because of a fear of failure because of all the years of rejection I've gone through with acting I put off that 14-page script because I was afraid to fail I put off doing my auditions to last minute to where it makes me mentally break down because I'm afraid to fail I'm afraid of that rejection and my therapist helped me understand this and realize this you know that procrastination really broke me down freshman year it was not good for me but what was also hard is that I would procrastinate but I would get great results still you know I put up a video it would do great even though I pulled an all-nighter to get it up I ended my second semester of college with all A's I got straight A's a freshman year of college was like the best year of my life and the worst year of my life it made me realize like if your mental health is messed up everything else has to stop and you have to take care of your mental health I'm just very grateful for my team because I was just scared that I would also let you guys down like I was very scared to you know have made all these acting videos and then say oh like I'm taking a break and I don't know how long I'll be on a break how am I gonna Mentor hundreds of thousands of people and not even do it you know and I know a lot of you guys look up to me so I added a lot of pressure I had to put myself first so that I can be my best for you guys be the best for my family be the best for myself you know it was always scary to quit because something that's been a part of your identity for so long it's it's hard to detach from that I mean 10 years of my life like it's okay to take a break I'm just very grateful for you being here and even caring about hearing my story up until this point let's get into um what's next for me what I've been telling myself is like this break right now is okay I helped my friend with her like self tape script and I was her reader and I just remember looking at the lines I was like I'm glad I'm like not doing this right now because I'm still not ready to go back it's only been like two months two or three months the soonest I would go back to acting is after my sophomore year of college so that summer um there is no way I am doing it during school I just want to go back into the process of falling in love with it and going to acting classes and just doing it on a level where it's not there's no deadline I'm still gonna make acting videos and I had to tell myself like Michaela you still have credibility taking a break doesn't negate the years of experience you've had in this industry we're still going to do acting videos okay we're still doing acting videos and I think that'll also help me really fall back in love with the process I just kind of ask from you guys to be open about seeing the other content that I have to offer I know you guys love the acting tips and tutorials but that's not all of who I am definitely check out the Vlogs I feel like the Vlogs are very underrated I put a lot of hard work into those there's always different seasons of people's lives and right now I'm just in a different season where I'm truly embracing who I am as a screenwriter and I'm very proud of where I'm at right now and I know I have the talent to do amazing things in the industry and I'm just embracing that if you want to follow along for this new chapter of my life be sure to subscribe to the channel it would mean the world to me if you stuck around and checked out my other videos I have videos where where I go to premieres and I'm behind the scenes of like the place where the Emmys television Academy goes I'm going to Netflix headquarters I have a whole bunch of Vlogs like that I have Challenge videos where I test if AI can write screenplays better than Hollywood writers there's so many different types of things I do but it's all about the Hollywood film and television industry and if you're interested in that type of content be sure to subscribe to the channel thank you for watching till the end and if you stay till this point comment comment lava lamp because I have a lava lamp right here if you want to see what I'm doing right now be sure to go follow me on Instagram and you can catch up with me see what's going on I've always seen myself creating shows and when I create my shows that I'm writing in school I will put myself in them and that's how I'll be acting I want to make the industry more accessible for people and that's what I want to focus on right now in this new era in this new decade of my life acting I do see myself going back to acting I don't know when but I definitely will be and whenever I do I will let you guys know and I will see you guys in the next one bye foreign foreign

Channel: Makayla Lysiak

Views: 353,171

Keywords:

Id: o5p_zNBpndg

Length: 23min 32sec (1412 seconds)

Published: Sun Jul 09 2023