Why I became a nun | Ven Munissara | BCWA Interview

[Music] at the time you have no idea right then you know I'm gonna grow up to become a nun but but I think that now that I look back I'm like I don't think it's any any coincidence that I I was born in a house that where you know you could walk five minutes and be with nothing so movie they were Catholic nuns but they were nuns and I had very fond memories of them and when I was going growing up we would go and visit Thailand once or twice a year and my mother would bring us to the monastery maybe once or twice a year so for me it was very special to go to the monastery it wasn't like if I had grown up in Thailand it was dragged you know out of beds offered Donna early in the morning every day I might and I might be a little more mixed in my opinions but for me it was like oh wow you know going to the monastery is a special thing and I I remember seeing actually a nun when I was I don't know seven or eight I can't really quite remember what age I was at the time in Thailand they didn't have bikinis so she was named a chi so white-robed eighth precept nun sort of sitting sitting there quietly teaching and I remember thinking it seems like a good life so I think I think these things when I look back you know there there are no no coincidence but when you're just a kid going to school I mean what do you know about you know people ask you what you want to be when you grow up people say oh I want to be a teacher I want to be a doctor I want to be you know the one says I want to be a nun so there's there's not quite that in your head but nonetheless I think a natural affinity for the Dhamma developed as I grew up so even when I I went to school in the Philippines until high school then after that I went to do my undergraduate degree in America and so I went to Harvard which is you know supposed to be a good University but I also felt quite quite unhappy actually when I was a student there I was very stressful because because really you're always looking for your worth from the outside so there there's very much an intial you know an emphasis on on having achievements that you can you can show I you know I attain these grades I got this kind of scholarship I I got this job at this prestigious company you know I applied to this graduate school that I got in it was very much always talk about what you accomplished that was that was worldly and I think that deep down I I actually didn't really share those values but when you're when you're living surrounded by that kind of mentality you can't help but just absorb it and you so you think that you always have to prove yourself according to what it is other people value and I think deep down I probably felt quite conflicted about this and so so yeah it was quite unhappy I remember my second year I was I was actually seriously depressed and at that point you know rather than go out and just get drunk or whatever you know luckily luckily I had some grounding in the Dhamma and so so my mother's advice you know let's go to the monastery go speak to a monk and I was like okay okay that sounds good you know something a good idea so I remember I got this book from this friendly Monken it says yeah a Thai Thai temple in LA I had to go all the way across the country and to go to a Buddhist monastery but um but there I got this book that that was translated from a Thai Thai very famous Thai monk named Buddha gossipy ku and it was sort of an introduction to Buddhism and I remember reading that sort of looking for answers looking for why why am I so unhappy and how do I stop being so unhappy and there was a line that really resonated with me in there which is that of all the things that Buddha taught he taught about suffering and the end of suffering I mean that's really it and to me I thought yeah well that's all that matters oh and when you're when you're actually really suffering you don't really care about all those other things that are supposedly called success all those other things that are supposedly supposed to give you happiness because I found it didn't you know you accomplished one thing then you just expect it accomplished another thing you scale one mountain then you have to look at the next and it's endless but here was the promise of an end of suffering and that was very interesting I mean I to me I felt okay well this is it this is the real meaning of life and this is really what's worth pursuing in one's life and I think at that at that time even though I was very you know quite young probably 19 I really found I found my my my compass in life I found I found the direction and the highest purpose and goal of my life what it would be and that was such a relief because when you're when you're young or just lost right you really know what you want to do what you want to become that kind of thing but at least I knew at some level this was the most important thing I had to do in my life so whether I did it exactly then or not was another story because when you're young you you don't really have any role models especially spiritual role models for women maybe if I was a man in Thailand or something and I came to this this conclusion I feel like wow right off to the monastry I go and I shall ordain as a big kind of thing but when you're when you're a woman you're just kind of like okay so I know that Dom is important but how does that actualize in my life I wasn't you know I didn't really know so I just did the normal thing and I you know finished school got a job and and I remember I remember thinking that it seemed it seemed that if I wanted to devote myself to the Dhamma would be like very serious you know I had to be serious about it I was like I'm young I just want to have fun first so my mentality was well let me have fun you know for a while and you know and later on I'll be you know devoted to the Dhamma so so when I was in my 20s I chose to go and work in New York City because if you want you want a fun life right you know you go to New York City and so I had my time of fun my early 20s just you know living a quite carefree life and basically in if you want to use Buddhist vocabulary just you know living the world of the five sense pleasures so so looking for your fun from the you know going to going to movies going to shows you know going to restaurant eating food this that having fun with trends basically five sense pleasures and I had that for a while and really after the second year I was already a bit bored of it I mean it's it's fun for a while and then it's just that then you get bored and then then what and so again I began to look again to the dumber because I felt that that that would provide something more satisfying and so I started to practice meditation more seriously and I started to devote time to to doing spiritual things and not just you know worldly pursuits but really what what turned me more seriously towards the thought of were dating or that kind of thing was when I was 25 and I I came back to Thailand and my mother became very ill in a way that was very sudden and also it was a very it was a very rare illness that was said to be terminal but you also didn't know when so originally she was she was given six months and we were thinking oh my goodness you know something you start preparing for like death you know you know right right in your face but it was very unpredictable and she actually lived on another five years but constantly with with our thought of well we don't know when it's gonna happen so for me that that really brought home the point that life is really uncertain and this plan of my having fun first and then devoting myself to the Dhamma later became quite it seemed well you know I've had enough fun how much later am I gonna have you know my mother's not that old so I mean when's my when's when's my time gonna be up so that made me much more much more focused and and so then I began to practice the Dhamma more seriously and I started to think about ordaining because I thought well if this is the most important thing to do in life you know why not be professional you know why not be full-time because that would really be the easiest way to learn something right and I mean if you want to if you want to be a student you know it's easier to be a full-time student and not like part-time and you know holding on a job at the same time kind of thing similarly if you want to if you really want to you know figure out stuff in terms of the demo learn it study it practice it wholeheartedly I thought well heck full-time so then I thought you know being a monastic would be would be really good option or maybe the the most conducive way to do that but again as a woman you think but what are the monastic options for a woman you know so it was it was more confusing and hazy I didn't really have a clear idea of where I could go or what you know what what would be a suitable suitable option so it was more just an idea for a long time maybe five years that that also might I was I felt I couldn't go as long as my mother was still alive you know I'd have to see that through first but also because I was I was still not sure myself whether I was more in love with the idea of being a monastic than really really actually knowing what it entailed so I I was worried that I would have just romanticized notions of what being a nun was or you know what the nuns life was and maybe it was just a form of escape so I had my five years of grappling with it and really looking into the into the Dhamma moreso studying it and practicing it I did a master's degree partly partly just to have time to read more about Buddhism and to practice and write a thesis about it to see whether or not I I loved the dumb enough to devote my whole life to it you know and and yeah and then the more I'm looking the more I study the more I practice the more I wanted to devote more time to it the more it seemed like the most important thing to do and so so it was quite natural my progression to becoming monastic you know was just getting myself you know walking from the shallow end and just you know progressing till you get wetter and wetter and so so after I finished my master's degree I wanted to just explore monastic life more and one one turning point was coming here actually so back in 2008 I spent a few weeks at bodhinyana and I spent I think month and a half at dumbest era because I never lived in a nun's community I'd visited monasteries in Thailand before but they were monks monasteries so when you go as a lay woman it's it's still not a clear idea of what it would be like to be one of them because you're not one of them you know but when I came here I had more of a sense of what it would be like to be one of them because when you're all a woman staying here a bit more involved you have more contact with the monastics and I remember thinking I'm so relieved that I actually think I would like it you know I had this idea oh I want to be a nun and what-have-you went to a nunnery and you're like oh god I hate it so I was actually so relieved after that experience said no no I think I I think I actually really liked it I really I really you know really took to monastic life I really felt it you know it's like it's like you know a duck going back into water kind of thing you just take to it and so that helped me clarify that actually this this kind of lifestyle is not escapism you know I thought oh maybe I'm just really tired of a list to the humdrum of daily life you know paying the bills going to work that kind of thing but then I came to the monastery and they had these eternal discussions about their phone bills and you know the water pump and you know all this kind of stuff it's like oh yeah no real life exists in the monastery too and you know I'm not running away from anything in fact maybe there's more here because there's you know in your little house you have just your stuff but this is like much much more responsibility so so I thought well great I'm not running away and I'm running to something I actually think would be enjoyable and helpful in my practice and so so then I decided okay I want to be a nun and now basically I think for me being able to be in a suitable environment a conducive environment to help one to to grow in the Dhamma is very important and I think monastic life provides that it provides that that training and it provides the environment and it provides a lifestyle that's simple and a lifestyle that is centered on you know virtuous conduct and so it's something that I found very difficult when I was a layperson trying to practice I felt I was always pulled in different directions you know on the one hand you go and you listen to a Dhamma talk and then you mediate you come out and you're like in the middle of busy Bangkok with all these advertising you know blaring in your face you're like oh wait okay no desires right and so it's very conflicted or maybe the people around you your friends your family not everybody is going to be so interested in Summa so it can be a bit you know you can't quite communicate or you can't find people who are also doing the same thing but in the monastry everyone's we're going for the same thing you know and and it's a very helpful and supportive to have that community feeling well I think that you know a good a good way to think of the Buddhist path is the the three three modules of conduct sir virtuous conduct and then the second is the training of the mind and the third is to develop wisdom to understand the way things really are so if we can begin to practice elements of these three aspects of the path so by leading a life that doesn't cause harm to oneself or others you know not virtuous and this goody goody two-shoes kind of way but virtuous in that sense of being harmless really recognizing when our actions cause harm and what's interesting is harm not just to others but to ourselves as well so if we are just guided by this very basic principle you know whether you can memorize the five precepts or not whether you can keep them perfectly or not if we're always you know our intention is always inclined towards refraining from harming I think that in itself will bring you such an improvement in your quality of life now without having to be a so-called religious person or a Buddhist even that just just being constantly mindful of what what is harmful and that actually requires the other two aspects because we can't know what's harmful or not if our mind has no there's no clarity so we need to develop a level of mindfulness which is the buzzword now you know mindfulness oh but we're like that really means it's really beating there in the present being here in the present and knowing what's happening because we can't know what's appropriate to do unless we're actually here you know and so being able to to keep our harmless conduct we need to have some level of mental training where we can be here in the now so we can know what's appropriate to do in the now so meditation is something that is not introduced even to school children because because it's recognised what a benefit it brings to one's life when our mind is all over the place we have apps we're completely you know at the door at the beck and call of our anger you know our fear our worries all sorts of distressing emotions that if we've never trained our mind there's no way we can actually be free of these things but if we start to train our mind you know a little bit a little bit a little bit eventually they'll build up more clarity and more presence so that's something that is relevant to anybody and then finally the wisdom to know things as they really are this this is almost like a Buddhist cliche which can sound so obscure it's like know what and how is it really but but really I mean if you just if you just break it down to something so simple as as if you're having a conflict with someone okay someone in your life you know in your family in your workplace whatever is just has just had an angry outburst and called you bad names or that kind of thing so how much wisdom we have will depend you know how much wisdom we has will determine how deeply we see into the situation if we just see that oh this this person is so bad this person is so wrong they've just they've just you know yelled my head off then we're only seeing things like at a certain surface level but if we look deeper into into how that might have been caused you know what suffering that person might be feeling that has led to this what kind of conditions has made this person have to act in this way we start to see things more more deeply and more according to reality so when we can see things more according to reality we find we can accept it more right so they just if we just think out this person just you know it's totally out of wine then we can't accept it but if we see that oh you know this person you know they've always had a temper they have they have a problem with their temper or they have a lot of suffering right now they're very stressed out with whatever problems they have in their life we can see more what are the causes and conditions behind things so we find it more easy to let go and so this is something that you can see in your own life how when we see things as they really are it causes us to be able to release our suffering lighten things up a little and so that I think is how Buddhism can serve the community or any any human really it's because it allows us to touch into a deeper source of happiness [Music] you

Channel: Secretary Bcwa

Views: 46,257

Rating: 4.9222999 out of 5

Keywords: Munissara, BCWA, Buddhism, Australia, Theravada, Bhikkhuni, BSWA, Dhammasara, Nun

Id: Dk9J-wciYYI

Length: 19min 4sec (1144 seconds)

Published: Sat Apr 28 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

Wow. Thank you for sharing.

[u/[deleted]]

[removed]

[u/NoFee8]

This was a very uplifting talk. Thanks for sharing! Which lineage is she from?

[u/rickdrumond]

Very interesting and insightful, thanks for sharing!