Why A Prenup Is The Best Thing You Can Do For Your Marriage | Anthony ONeal

things don't go wrong they start wrong yep we're talking about prenups my future wife will sign a prenup to have or not to have that's the million dooll question someone someone is saying right now but I'm I'm a Christian and I feel if I sign a prenom I don't have faith like I believe that my marriage is just going to end they prenup is the best insurance you will ever have in your life you're going to want to take notes on today's show and let us know in the comment section below how do you feel about prenups now before we hop into Today's Show be sure to like comment and subscribe so you can be notified every single time we drop a new video all righty now let's jump into the show Welcome to the table Yeah we going to get real we going get right building up we going life Welcome to the table welcome to the table well to theable 40% of all engagement proposals Ure this is interesting between the month of November and February so a lot of people uh right now are uh contemplating um proposing Brothers congratulations and if you just recently got engaged hey congratulations um and about to make that make that move as younger couples are time not watch this you guys a growing Trend and prenups are happening I love it I just love it gen Z 41% of gen Z respondents who are engaged or have been married said that they entered into a prenup prior to getting married 47% of my crew the millennial crew respondents who are engaged or have been married said that they entered into a preup so nearly 50% of people in the Millennials are saying prenup 41% of gen Z are saying prenup prenup prenup and often times when I say prenup I think a lot of people um are scared of the word prenup one because of the lack of Education around prenups uh two I think we've seen the mishandling of prenups in the past uh from um celebrities per se right and so I remember I was recently on the stage somewhere and they asked me my thoughts on prenoms and you guys know me I'm all for a prenup my future wife will sign a prenup I will sign a prenup you know cuz I want to protect both of us but there is this narrative inside of the Christian Community that if you sign a prenup you're already saying your marriage is going to fail and I was like I just don't feel that way I I don't feel as if if I marry someone I'm walking into it saying it's going to fail I I I don't believe that I I lack Faith because I have a prenup you know and so while I was on this stage I got off the stage and uh an amazing La lady uh told me about uh this guy named Aaron Thomas and when I looked him up man he has a book called the prena prescription meet the premarital contract designed to watch this you guys save your marriage so he's changing his whole Narrative of hey the prenup actually saves your marriage it doesn't hurt the marriage and so as I was looking him up because I really wanted to make sure that I have the right person on the show to have this conversation especially as we're in 2024 especially as people are proposing right now and as we're dating I'm dating right how do we have this conversation because I really do believe that if you have a little bit of something something and that's all of us there's a part of me that believes that you're not being a good Steward of your resources if you're not having a prenup if you're not having the conversation of a prenup and so again I'm not married I'm not a legal expert in this field but I've seen prenups save people millions of dollars I've I've seen prenups save people homes save people careers save people livelihood because who they married 20 years ago loved them and they were able to come to terms When Love Was there but then when they broke up love wasn't there but that prenup was and it saved not just them but even save their families their kids that experience and so y'all today we're going to talk about how prenups can really save your marriage and we have the attorney himself the guy who has been in this field for years um at the table today I I called him and said hey man I need you to come I don't want to do this over Zoom I need you to come into town uh because I want to have an in-depth conversation about everything around marriage like this is not just going to be prenups it's cool I really want us to get educated on what is marriage like when we just sit down not spiritually cuz I know some of y'all Christian people I know what marriage is I know what the Bible says I'm with you okay uh but we're going to break it all down today so ladies and gentlemen um Aaron is in the building what's going on Aaron that was a long intro I'm sorry bro I had to set it up though no no thank you for that thanks for having me it's a pleasure to be here thank you man for for for coming uh the prenup prescription um I want to get straight into it because I think people watching this show like all right let's let's understand this right um and I'm opening up your book because y'all this book is amazing we we are going to link his book in today's show notes on where you can check it out uh but Aaron what exactly is marriage and when I say marriage I'm not talking about from the spiritual angle we know what that is right but on paper throughout the United States of America what exactly is marriage marriage is the most important Financial contract that you'll ever sign in your life this man just said Financial contract and a lot of people are going to have a visal reaction to hearing that obviously that's not the only thing the marriage is but you go to a courthouse and fill out paperwork when you get married there's obviously wide- ranging legal implications to the fact of getting married a lot of people look at it as you know two people becoming one um certainly in the Romantic sense or the spiritual sense but also legally in a financial sense you are becoming one couple one entity in the eyes of the law so break that down so when you say Financial in the eyes of the law right that means bank accounts are all the same now when I get married let's say me and my wife get married my debt Becomes Her debt her debt becomes my debt so there's there's something that I call uh the one paycheck rule because it's a little bit more complicated than that let's break it down um when you get married and you get that first paycheck okay a little bit goes into your checking a little bit goes into your savings account a little bit goes to pay off a mortgage or pay on a car um and it goes in all these different places most people know that whatever you bring into your marriage is considered your separate property you're supposed to keep it you're supposed to hold on to what you have coming in and you know what you build together is is the hours yeah what a lot of people don't know is everything that that first paycheck touches has now been comingled whoa in the eyes of the law and if there's ever a need to separate your assets back out it's the burden of the person who's trying to establish their separate property to prove how much in your retirement account is from your premarital contributions and how much is from your contributions during the marriage or how much of the equity in your house came from uh money that you earned prior to the marriage and how much came from your contributions after the marriage and a lot of people think wait but the house is in my name the retirement account in my name they didn't pay any of these bills they didn't pay the mortgage what do you mean that I have to split my retirement or my house where I'm the only one who contributed to it and in the law in the eyes of the law it doesn't matter whose name is on the bank account it doesn't matter whose name is on the title to your house if you contributed money that you earned during the marriage then a portion of whatever that asset is is considered baral property and is up for division if that marriage comes to an end this is why we had to expert in the building cuz you just made me upset you just said if her name is not on the title of the mortgage or his name if her credit wasn't pulled but if we're married and she put $500 into the bank account and this is the same bank account that the mortgage came out of she could legally say I help pay for the mortgage and her name is nowhere on the documents and even if she didn't pay a dime towards it your money that you earn over the course of your marriage is considered marital property every dollar that you earn during your marriage is considered to have been earned by the two of you okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay this is why he's here so let's say Aaron I'm married she's married I put my money into Bank of America she puts her money into Wells Fargo but we're married we keep our money completely separate then let's say we have a bank at uh BBNT and I put 50% of the mortgages in BB&T she puts 50% of the mortgage into BBNT is she still as my Legal Wife is she still held liable like can she still come after some of my money that's in my bank account as my wife if we were divorced although we're not on the same bank account we put our money in in in a separate account that paid the bills absolutely oh hell absolutely um and that's why I say that you know not only is marriage a financial contract it's a contract that nobody's read and the first time that people find out what this contract says most people is when they are sitting in a divorce lawyer's office 10 15 20 years down the line and they're saying Aaron what do you mean I have to split my retirement my house my car hold on hold on he wait pause pause pause bro this is hold my blood press getting high so you trying to tell me if I have a if I have a 401k that's coming from my job and I put it in there she's never contribute to the 401K she also because because she's my wife or because because he's her husband they got to split all of that they have to split all of that recently I've completed my full estate plan and it's been an emotional Journey if I'm going to be honest with you but now I have a peace of mind knowing that my family and loved ones are well taken care of but here's something you may not know that I think you need to know according to a recent study nearly 60% of African-American adults have life insurance now wait a minute many of these policies may not provide sufficient coverage to fully protect their families in case of unexpected deaths this lack of adquate coverage is a pressing issue among the black community it can lead to financial difficulties and potentially hinder the building of generational wealth in today's time it's more important than ever for African-Americans to give priority to life insurance and estate planning you see by doing so you can ensure that your loved ones are secure in the event of your passing this covers funeral and burial costs clears all debts and mortgages and provides a financial cushion to help them continue Building Wealth longlasting wealth don't leave your family's financial future to chance I want you to secure life insurance today I want you to get a free life insurance quote through my friends at ethos all you got to do is go to Anthony oil.com forlife Insurance again that is oil.com lifeinsurance for your free quote or click the link in today's show notes protect your family's future and attain a peace of mind at right now and let's get back to Today's show this goes back to what you just said it is the most important Financial contract in your life because she gets access he gets access to anything and everything you get married on July 1st of you get married on January 1st of 2024 January 2nd any income that comes in after that spouses have access to all that it's all considered marital property up for division and that's why I also say that you know people who are kind of anti- prenup if you are married you have a prenup you either have your own customized prup where you have chosen the terms for it or you are accepting the default prup that was written by the state that you happen to live in probably over a hundred years ago and the more time goes on the less likely it is that that prenup is going to fit the terms of your marriage what you expect your marriage to be wow what state do you live in I live in Georgia all right let's talk about Georgia uh but you can do prenups in all your company does prenups in all states right that's right okay but let's talk about George since you live there right so um break that down because I've said that before and people's like nah man you know it's it's not that bad and I'm like but why cuz here's my philosophy and correct me if I'm wrong why do I want the state of Georgia to tell me what's going to happen rather than me and my wife just figure out what's going to happen up front right so let's paint a picture of let's let's just talk about divorces um on average how much does a divorce cost on average in the state of in the state of Georgia just on basic level yes on average each spouse is going to spend $115,000 in attorney's fees during their divorce case um the average contested divorce takes at least a year to complete in postco days with all the backups from the court sometimes it's a year and a half I have personally worked on a divorce case that lasted four years and our client alone paid over a million dollars in legal fees over the course of those four years and the more money that you make the more money that you accumulate over the course of the marriage the more likely that your case is going to be more expensive than that average of $330,000 a couple so clearly a million dolls this mean this was either a celebrity wellknown very influential or just a very financially well off individual yes they had PL tens of millions you know to debate about but yeah it can get expensive real quick so if did that person have a prenup they didn't have a prenup and if they would have had a prenup would they have spent a million dollars for the divorce no chance if I have a prenup in the state of Georgia will I spend $115,000 um as a fee on per per average if you a prenup can cover anything that has to do with Asset Division okay dividing your assets and debts and anything that has to do with alimony a prenup cannnot cover anything that has to do with child custody or child support um but typically if you are not fighting about financial issues where there is a potential payday where there's money on the line that makes it worth it financially mathematically to spend that money on attorney's fees yeah people are going to be much more likely to work out the issues with the kids you know and the child support versus you know if I if the court buys my argument I could come up an additional million versus you know just settling the case and so taking the money issues taking asset and debt division off the table taking alimony off the table uh could save millions and millions of dollars Nationwide if people would just get a prenup on the front end as a matter of course now you said something that a prenup doesn't cover I didn't know that so prenups doesn't cover uh kids as far as in what parent gets what kid right right right prup can't cover custody or child support okay custody has to be decided based on what is in the child's best interest and what may be in the child's best interest you know before the child's even born you know how do you even determine what's going to be in a child's best interest somebody could go crazy somebody could turn out to be a great parent someone could turn out to be an absentee parent right and so the court is always going to retain the ability to make that decision uh at the time that custody is being decided and what about child support we can't talk about that UPF front in the prenup like hey if we and we have kids I'll give you x m doll per the kid or is it the same for the custody as like you don't know what it's going to cost to take care of that kid because of the situation one you don't know what the child's needs going to be you don't know what the resources of the parents and the ability to pay child support at that time are going to be and you also don't know which parents going to have custody you know you're not going to be paying child sport if the kids are Liv with you 95% of the time right so all of those things come into play and that can only be determined at the time because she's being decided all right cool so on average per average the average person will spend per spouse would spend about $115,000 on a divorce if there was a divorce I think this is very important because the studies are showing correct me if I'm wrong because you're in this space I think right now we're seeing 52% of American uh people end up in a divorce as far as I know I'm sorry I said it wrong 52% of American marriages are ending up in divorces yeah I don't think there's super reliable uh data on it but it is certainly more than 40% okay uh sometimes it gets up to about 50% you know the 1980s saw 50% divorce rate so it's a lot it's a lot it's a lot all right so $115,000 for the average spend to a divorce that's $330,000 to get a divorce between the two people and we are having a problem with people saying I want to get a prenup and I think the reason why we're having a problem with people saying they want to get a prenup one's for the lack of education and two one of the most complaints that I hear is I'm walking into my marriage without faith and already expecting it to fail ask someone cuz they're watching right now they're in the comment saying that right now right as someone who's been in that space um what would you say to someone that come to you and say well my husband wants to get a he wants to get a prenup but I just don't he's expecting something to fail he's expecting us to fail in this marriage what would you say as as a human and then also as an attorney in this field yeah I I love that you asked this question because you can't talk about prenups without talking about the stigma and the misconceptions surrounding prenuptial agreements and and that was that's what I thought before I got into law I thought the same thing that most you know of these people out here are thinking that you know that a prup is just planning for your divorce um but really what you're doing you know I think that a prup should be looked at as a partnership agreement for your marriage right if you're going to go into a Business Partnership facts with somebody would you say we'll just figure out who owns what percentage of the company if one of us leaves the company at the end of the day no you would probably have an attorney draft up an agreement and get very clear about what are each person's rights and responsibilities with respect to the business um and yes you would also Define what happens if one of the partners leaves the business now you're not doing that because you want the business to fail facts you're doing that so that you have Clarity while the business is going on you're drafting this partnership agreement so that things move smoothly while the business is happening and I think that you should look at prup as the same thing it is the partnership agreement for your marriage yeah and uh what I learned from over the course of doing uh about a thousand divorces over the past two decades is that things don't go wrong they start wrong whoa whoa whoa whoa break that down things don't go wrong they start wrong well how are we starting wrong so people don't know how to combine their financial lives particularly in today's world so um my parents have been married for 57 years they just celebrated 57 years together um they got married in the 1960s mhm in the 1960s the average couple getting married was getting married at say age 21 and uh they were coming in a complete Financial Blank Slate um they probably maybe had one bank account between the two of them uh credit cards were not really a thing in the 1960s um student loans you could work your way through school they weren't you know six figures of student loans that people were taking out um they likely had zero to one Cars between them um no equity in a home no business and you contrast that with the average couple who's getting married today first of all they're not getting married at 21 they're more lik getting married in their 30s and that average couple is likely to have each spouse is likely to have four to five bank accounts each three to four credit cards each student loans in the tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars maybe they got some equity in a condo or a house they've each got their own car they've got one or two retirement accounts because they didn't roll over the first you know to their current retirement account they may have a small business and so if the couple getting married in the 1960s is like a blank slate they're like a startup in your garage starting from complete scratch the average couple getting married today it's like a corporate merger in terms of the complexity and you would simply never do something of that magnitude without a clear agreement on what exactly is it we're signing up for what's yours what's mine what's ours how's the money going to flow how are we going to pay for expenses are we 50/50 on everything are we paying prata are we putting all of our money into One bank account do we have money going into separate bank accounts it's something that is so complex and the idea that people go into this just saying I I guess we deposit our income into the joint bank account now when they get married it's no it's no wonder yeah that the divorce rate is so high it's just a recipe for disaster if you go into this willy-nilly and so um people have to be looking at it give respect to the complexity that combining your financial lives really is end of the show God bless y'all listen I I couldn't have said that any better you said things don't go wrong I'm saying marriages marriages don't go wrong they start wrong and what I heard you say right there was simply hey we're not having the real conversations upfront are we going to be 50/50 are we going to be traditional marriages to where hey I'm going to pay all the bills Etc hey you can have this like this is what we're going to do inside of our family and one of the the quotes that I live by is that the breeding ground for understanding in the ending is communication in the very beginning and people are not having the communication the very beginning on hey here's what we're doing with our finances and because we didn't have that that conversation very beginning it starts issues throughout the marriages and and the next thing you know it's ending now why do you think it's hard for marriages and I would even say this even for dating cuz I even did a a free book for dating uh on it wasn't a not a book it's a I have a quiz um uh I have a quiz I have a I'm sorry I don't have a quiz I have an ebook I have a eBook and a quiz for single people on really how to start maximizing a single season and how to have a conversation about money while dating right and we'll we'll link that into their channels as well y'all can check that out um it's called the uh singles um something Playbook quiz or something like that we'll link it down below to where yall can check it out uh cuz it it really does help bring up the conversation around money but how do we start having that conversation in dating or in engagement so that way we don't start wrong we start right cuz I think the first thing that's starting right is having that conversation so from your expertise me talk about me I'm single right I'm dating when do I start having that conversation so that way I don't start wrong yeah and and what you said is so brilliant because it really comes down to that communication I talk about it in the book there are three principles that I believe make for uh a good prenup and not coincidentally a good marriage so those three principles are transparency communication and fairness and wow well hold on wait fairness what's the last one transparency okay communication okay and fairness I can't ride as quick as you all and communication yes sir so what am I being transparent about so you've got to be transparent about everything that has to do with your financial life talk that talk that's hard people don't want to be honest people don't want to be honest I mean your own research that you've talked about recently says that 70% of couples aren't talking about money no they're not and if those couples are getting married look nobody wants to be surprised that you've got 50 Grand of credit card debt nobody wants to be surprised to find out that you owe 25 Grand to the IRS and the first time that you find that out is when your tax refund is getting garnished on that first joint tax return and so what we recommend is being transparent with your finances as soon as possible when you're talking about engagement because you really are creating a financial Union and you're not going to sign up for a Business Partnership without knowing the fundamentals of the finances on the other side of the table right yes and so we talk about you know for a printup to be enforcable and this is in all 50 states okay each spouse has to disclose all of their assets and debts to each other and the way that we ensure this that this has happened is we literally create a net worth schedule for each spouse spouse one spouse two you write down all of your assets and debts in black and white on paper and you initial each other's net worth statement and this is difficult for a lot of people to to think about to wrap their REM about around because I saw in my divorce work couples that have been married 10 20 30 years that have no idea what their spouse makes what their what their spouse has in assets what their spouse has in debts and that is a recipe for disaster and it's tough because you know talking about your finances to this kind of detail is not exactly first date material yes you know you're not going to show up to first date and slap down a spreadsheet of your finances on the table and then it becomes EAS you're trying to put you're best foot forward you're trying to potentially pay for the dates and so there's never a natural time to have that conversation of by the way my my student loans are in the six figures or you know um I haven't saved as much for retirement as I had hoped to retire and people sometimes skip over that step and then they get married and then they combine their finances and it's no wonder that it's a ticking Time Bomb what's going on everyone it's your boy AO here and I'm super excited to share some incredible news with you on January 22nd through the 26th we're launching a transformative movement called pray FYI short for pray for your increase we're believing 2024 will be the year we eliminate debt and build wealth so real quick I want to give you a sneak peek into what's happening January 22nd through the 26th I want to encourage you to join myself and thousands of others in this week of prayer as we're diving into a series of powerful sessions each focusing on a key aspect of financial well being join this Movement by visiting pray fi.com you see day one we're focusing on debt reduction and financial stress we'll be praying for wisdom to identify and eliminate unnecessary expenses making room for your financial growth and stability on day two it's all about increase in salaries and business income we'll come together and pray for guidance in pursuing career opportunities promotions and the skills needed to boost our income day three is all about increase in wealth and investment opportunities let's pray for discernment and wisdom we need this and making sound financial decisions that lead to longterm I mean long-term I mean generational Prosperity on day four we're tackling boosting multiple streams of income together we'll pray for creativity and opportunities to diversify our inome income streams creating Financial abundance and finally on day five enhancing Legacy let's pray for discernment and wisdom and making some sound financial decisions that lead to long-term Prosperity I want to personally invite you to join me on this journey of Financial and spiritual growth listen I honestly I can't wait to see you there visit prey.com to get started I'll see you soon so how do I you know I was talking to someone may about 10 years ago I want to say about 10 years ago uh she hid $100,000 in another account and never told her husband about it because she was like I would never have a man marry me and then divorce me and I don't have no money she said she never touched it she said she kept it into a little CD it just grew she end up getting divorc and she was so grateful that she had $100,000 and he never knew never knew it came up in their divorce though because she was like wait I got to I got to reveal that I had his account cuz I guess it was going through something in a divorce and so the judge asked her like what are all of your accounts in your name what all the accounts in his name and he was just thrown away that she had 100,000 in that account because a part of their issue was finances and they lost their home because they were behind $42,000 in the mortgage and she she had 100 Grand just sitting in account and wouldn't go there to help save their mortgage and I was like yo how did he not know you you had $100,000 but why would you even do that like did y'all not have this conversation before y'all got married so what I hear you're saying is we make everyone list everything and you have to be honest but is there a way to make sure that they listed everything or is it is it just really you got to trust what they said if you don't if you were found not to have been honest about your financial disclosures when you're signing a prenup yeah then your prenup is unenforceable if the court finds that out oo so you've got to you've got to put you got to be honest or you are risking that your agreement is not going to be enforcable at the end of the day and you know I'm glad that you brought up this couple that you're talking about because it is not unusual and what I have found is is that the financial dynamics of your marriage MH dictate the personal dynamics of your marriage if you have secrecy around money in your marriage it is very easy for that secrecy to bleed out into other parts of your relationship listen here dear future wifey come correct come telling me everything because I think I think that's the that's the foundation of the marriage is being transparent and honest and let's be honest it probably will be difficult for someone marrying me who knows I'm 100% debt free telling me they got $200,000 in student loans that probably will be a little uncomfortable but I think how could it be that uncomfortable with the person you're about to spend the rest of your life with I should be able to accept everything and all things you know I like be honest I would rather like you said I would rather you tell me up front than I find out when when we go to file taxes and I'm thinking I got to pay back x amount but I got hit with an extra 30,000 40,000 because you never told me that's going to piss me off I'm be like hey how come you just didn't tell me this last year when we got married let's be transparent in the communication part how do we start communicating that though because one of the things that I that I found while I'm dating and maybe I'm saying it too early maybe I am I don't know but it's like if you watch my show you already know how I roll but um when do we communicate or how do we communicate that we want to have a preup in place and it doesn't make it seem like we don't trust the person who we're about to and who we're thinking about Maring yeah yeah great question you know I have some advice that I think might be a little bit counterintuitive when it comes to bringing up a prenuptial agreement talk about it and that is don't lead with the word prenup okay you know I think we all recognize that the term prenup or prenup agreement carries a lot of stigma it carries a lot of weight it's heavy has a lot of misconceptions a lot of people they hear the word prup and it brings to mind you know the Hollywood version of the prenup okay the athletes and the celebrities and you know you're an old rich guy and you're trying to keep your money from a young you know gold digging wife that's what comes to people's minds when they think about a prenup yeah instead of this partnership agreement for your marriage and so what I advise people to talk about is what do you want your financial future to look like what do you want to accomplish you know okay should is it a good idea for us to be transparent about our finances coming into the marriage is it a good idea for us to get clear about what belongs to you what belongs to me and what belongs to us as a couple um should we talk about how the money is going to flow in our relationship are we going to do what I call the inside out where all of the income goes into one joint bank account and then each spouse gets kind of an allotment that goes out into your separate bank accounts okay or or are we going to have our money go outside in our money goes into our separate bank accounts and we contribute to a joint bank account that pays for our truly joint expenses okay um you know are we going to prioritize retirement you know what are the things that we want to accomplish in our marriage do we want to buy a big home do we want to take two vacations a year um my wife and I our big thing is travel and so we decided that ahead of time that 5% of all income that comes in our household is going to go into a travel fund so that whenever we want to take a trip the money is there and the more that we make the more we have to spend on our travel right and if you can focus on what your shared goals are together and get aligned on as many of these things as possible and yes you should talk about what would happen if we didn't make it could we agree on what would be fair to happen if our marriage does not make it till death do us part can we make can we have that conversation while the love is high while the trust is high while communication is high while the respect is high rather than do what 40 to 50% of these couples do and they have that conversation SL argument when things are at an all-time low and all of a sudden now you're spending 20 to 25% of your net worth on litigation costs and giving that money to divorce attorneys rather than dividing it between you and your spouse Aaron I'm going say right here on on my show I've been doing it wrong I've been doing it wrong what I just heard you say was have a have a conversation about the vision for the couple's money and at on in any kind of vision that you set there's always the if the vision doesn't happen how do we fix it what do we do with it and I think anyone watching right now if you are presented with that like hey you know what do you what do you what you what are you doing with your find finances now you know what are your goals financially you know how what do you what do you want to do financially what do we want to do financially d da do we want to travel do we want to build a home do we want to set aside college fund you know do we want to retire at 65 d d like how are we going to accomplish these goals and if you and I can't do this and and hit this Vision how do we deal with that if that comes I don't I don't know too many people who genuinely love each other who would not want to have that conversation I'm almost I'm almost I am almost almost tempted to say and I'm going say it if we have a love conversation for 90% where it's all 90% good and the last 10% is probably uncomfortable conversation like if it doesn't and you're like no I don't want to talk about that I don't know if you love me I I don't I don't know if you love me you want to talk about everything great which on the flip side I I I've said this too publicly we're talking about prenups today but man this this is a good show I hope y'all are getting this info because now I'm feeling convicted I don't I can't say this because I'm not a parent right so if I'm saying this wrong please forgive me I'm just trying to say the best way I to say it I have I know that parents love their children but to the extent to where you don't have a trust in place for your children I question do you know what you're doing I know you love him but it's like do you really love him you got a Gucci backpack you got a Louis Vuitton Pur but you don't have a trust that clearly outlines what you went done with you your resources um and your assets after they passed so now you leave it into the hands of the government to tell your family your kids and your loved ones what to do but you didn't want to be uncomfortable to talk about your what happens with you and your assets and your stuff after passing now it's like okay you're saying you want to get married to someone but you don't want to be uncomfortable to have a conversation that could save you both time and resources if it does end and I think honestly prenoms can save your marriage because if you don't want to if you don't want to have the conversation about a prenup I don't know if I want to get married to you and I just Sav my marriage because it's like if you're willing to have an uncomfortable conversation that lets me know why we're married you are willing to have uncomfortable conversations this is some good stuff right here y'all we're going to put this man's book uh in the show notes um Aaron and his his team listen listen to me Aaron and his team do this in all 50 states and I asked Aaron before the the before the show I said Aaron how much does it cost do you charge per per couple per situation and they pretty much have two basic costs andc me from r a in here it's $3,500 for the average person in America to get a prenup then you have someone like say of my status or celebrity status or higher is going to sell for 10,000 because now you're dealing with millions and assets and different things and he has to talk with other um other like my financial advisor my CPA my stuff like that he had to do all that type of stuff right the average marriage in America is right about $28,000 to $32,000 and you can't spend 10% of that to just make sure like hey as we're going in this is right because here's the truth we're seeing marriages end 25 years later 30 years later I am positive I am I'm turning 40 this year the 70-year-old Anthony O'Neal is going to be a different version of the 40y old Anthony O'Neal and I'm putting it on me now when I get married at 40 I I mean that's to death to us part I'm going to keep it but I mean you know I it 40 years you have to kill me but I am going to change between now and 70 years old and that could be a little different for for someone else and the person she married at 40 is not going to be the person she's married to at 70 I would have evolved I would have grown matured hopefully at 70 but here's the truth people do change and you do not divorce the person you married and so if $3,500 is a is a is a problem to protect your marriage to protect you and your assets I have a problem with that I I genuinely do and so I want to encourage you all to check out the show Nots check out my friend here Aaron and his team and if you're getting engaged this year if you're getting married this year um I would encourage you to make sure you get a prenup I feel this on my spirit right now I'm a spirit I'm a save person um Aaron someone someone is saying right now but I'm I'm a Christian and I feel if I sign a prenup I don't have faith like I believe that my marriage is just going to end what would you say to that I would say to look at it as the best insurance policy you could ever get I like if you go and get car insurance mhm does that mean that you're going to be a reckless driver from then on you're going to go out and start driving recklessly we get life insurance does that mean that you're going to begin living a reckless life and you know take risks with your life we get house insurance but we don't leave the stove on and let our House burn down we have insurance that protects against basically every major Financial catastrophe that can happen to you in life and make no mistake divorce is a financial catastrophe it is that is best avoided at all costs and if you can take that potential catastrophe off the table for a fraction of the cost of one wedding day I mean doesn't doesn't it make sense to do that and then hope that you never need it but know that you and your spouse have Clarity and that you've come to an agreement about what would be fair should your relationship ever come to an end and you can do it in a way that doesn't cause Financial catastrophy that allows you to continue to co-parent your children because you didn't just spend two years in a courtroom slinging mud at each other and wasting 25% of your assets yeah to divorce attorneys it is it is a small price to pay for the peace of mind and the clarity around your finances and taking the government out of your financial partnership with your spouse and defining it on your own I have a lot of people in their 20s right now and this is be honest like 20 rows they don't really have a lot they got a decent job you know they may have a nice little car may only have maybe about a couple thousand in their bank account but they got a big Vision but they don't have a lot of assets right now but they have a big Vision right um working a normal 9-5 job should they sign up should they get a prenup at 25 years old uh with not much assets yes well because what makes what you're trying to do is take this this expensive crazy Soul crushing family killing divorce off the table takeing the possibility of that off the table right and what makes divorce expensive and messy isn't what you have coming in a lot of people think you have to have all these Prem assets to protect what makes the divorce messy is what you accumulate over the course of the marriage and so if you were on an upward trajectory if you were going to accumulate assets over the course of the marriage how could it not be in your best interest to figure out what belongs to you what belongs to your spouse and what is part of your marital empire together and get clear on that on the front end of your marriage and even if you never split up knowing what belongs to whom is something that is important to know in a successful relationship so Aaron someone coming to you young 22 they don't have nothing do you just recommend them just to go ahead we just split it down the middle or do you sometimes say hey maybe it is 60 40 30 70 whatever that is but how do you how do you have that conversation as attorney yeah great question so what we typically do are title-based okay agreements meaning what is in your name belongs to you what is in your spouse's name belongs to them and what you choose to put in joint joint names belongs to the two of you and if everything ever happened that joint bucket is going to be split 50/50 between the two of you and what that does is it gives you the flexibility to grow without having to come back and revise your agreement every two years when Financial circumstances change so if you start a business but this is just going to be my side project I want to you know I'm going to own the business I'm also going to Shield you from the debts and potential liabilities of the business then I'm going to put that just in my name but if we're going to get a rental property and we're going to operate it together it's going to be a joint project then we put that in joint names and you can have the flexibility of titling things the way that you want them to be treated throughout your marriage without having to come back and revise your partnership agreement I see what you just did right there because the beginning of the show you said once we get married if I start a business with no prenup she's entitled to some of that proceed because she's my spouse but you're saying inside of the prenup we will say hey yes she's entitled that per the state right but in the prenup you greed if we put this solely in Anthony O'Neal's name only and you're not on it if we were to divorce I keep 100% of that Pro proceed am I hearing that correctly that's exactly right but if we start a business together with Anthony and Sarah for an example right now we split that 50% because we're starting off but if Sarah goes out there and she buys a rental property that she wants to own yes the family is benefiting right now from the proceeds of both of that but if we were to separate Sarah would keep that house when 100% that's exactly right oh and everyone knows exactly where they stand at any any given point in the relationship that is so good and it's clear and I'm thinking about myself like would I ever want to start something without my wife on there that's that's where I'm at because it's like dang I been want my wife on everything but I I I also now knowing what I know just because my wife is not on it doesn't mean she doesn't benefit from it financially and inside of my trust although I'm not on it she can still be the beneficiary of it or she can still get it inside of my estate planning if something was to pass but then it also does protect from a perspective of if divorce and it can also go the other way it can protect against debts so you know if your spouse goes and takes out a loan or a credit card without your knowledge you're going to be on the hook for splitting that down the line or maybe you want to take out a loan for a business that may or may not work out and you want to Shield your spouse from the potential liability of that you can do the same thing and take that loan out only in your name and I also think that it is particularly useful for business owners to be thinking about a prenuptial agreement would you agree that okay you just said it cuz I'm about to say with me being a business owner am I making an unwise decision by not having a prenup with me having a multiple seven fig business absolutely business owners are the most important category of people that should have a prenup or a postnup and this is why every other asset postup in there we G to talk about that we going to talk about postup okay go every other asset that you have that could potentially be divided in a divorce has a reasonably reliable way of coming up with a value on it right if you have a house you can go get an appraisal and figure out what it's worth and two different appraisers could value it and come up with different figures but going to be in the same ballpark right if you have a car you can just go to Kelly blue and get an estimate bank accounts are worth what's in them retirement accounts or brokerage accounts you can apply you know a discount for the tax rate but you can figure out what that is worth a business is the one type of asset where one business valuation exper could look at this business and say uh Anthony you own this business but without you it's worth nothing you can't sell it to somebody else no one else could run it the way you you you were running it so it's really worth zero and another business valuation next to look at that exact same business the exact same profit and loss and balance sheets and say we're looking at the 12-month trailing revenue of this business and we're going to apply a multiple of of X and your business is worth $5 million and if you got one side saying this business is worth zero and the other side is saying this business is worth 5 million and my share of it is 2.5 million that case is going to court and you're going to spend lots and lots of money on the litigation because all of a sudden it's worth a swing of $2.5 million One Direction or the other and if the court finds that you have to split that what are the chances that a $5 million business has $2.5 million cash to pay out the spouse and so I've seen business owners who don't have prenups have to file bankruptcy have to sell their business to pay out the settlement and it causes such a disaster that if you are a business owner it is almost malpractice to not be thinking about having a pre-up or a postup in place let's talk about post-nut post nut simply means after you're married you have quote unquote a pre-up which is technically called a postnup because you you're already married are those hard conversations to have cuz I don't know I'm just going to be real with you keep it a buck I don't know too many black sisters that's going to if I go to them laying in the bed ba we need a post up that's a hard sale after marriage because automatically all of our minds are going to are you about to divorce me is there's something coming up I need to know about and how do you bring how do you deliver that in a good way to your to your spouse man or woman yeah so let's break down the reasons that somebody might be getting a post note oh let's do that let's do that so first is there's a category of people who they wanted to get a prup they got caught up in the wedding planning you know time got away from them and they're just basically getting their prenup but they got it after the date of the wedding you know and they're on the same page and and they're good with it um and then there are couples who um something has happened maybe there's been some infidelity in the relationship and the couple says I want to work on this relationship but I left my career 5 years ago to come home and stay with the kids and now if you leave me with this other person I'm just supposed to be out there hanging out to dry and so let's come up with an agreement I want to work on the relationship but I need to secure it on the financial front that all of these things are going to be in the ours column and I'm going to get 50% of all of these assets if things go wrong and yes I'm actually going I'm also going to get some alimony to bridge the gap from me being financially dependent on you to being financially independent myself okay right and so there are there are postnups that happen because something has happened and they want to work on the relationship they want the marriage to work out but they need to resolve something on the financial front and I think that's fair um and then there's a category of people who they recognize that I signed a contract and I'm living in complete you know a completely different life from that contract so there are couples who they've kept their financial lives mostly separate and one person may have a business and the other one has a retirement and they view their retirement as this is my retirement and the other spouse says this is my business and they're listening to this show right now and they're realizing that the court is not going to respect that division of assets and debts that they are assuming is in place right and so they need a postnup maybe nothing's wrong with the relationship at all but they want to posten up so that their legal reality matches their lived reality yeah yeah that's I like those three right there especially the other one man because I think that's fair like if if a young lady or a young man you know leave their careers and come be home and they are relying on this the the high earning spouse you know posting up is needed in the state of Georgia is is true that people if you live together for a certain amount of time you could get C certain amount of their assets because y'all live together y'all played husband and wife for a certain amount of time is that the case in Georgia not anymore not anymore yeah so common law marriages have basically been abolished across the country a bet yeah amen cuz I was like man I man that's whack oh thank God that's not there anymore cuz that that was that had me scared when I heard someone say that was living together for 10 years and they got 50% of all assets but this was like I was in my 20s young 20s so that that's that's really good um why would you say Aon and when I look at this book I was reading one of the your one of your I want to go back to it where is it at [Music] um in in your book you talk about pretty much a attacked timing and talk and and I like that TCT timing and talk talk to me about tact though what do you mean by tact tact is not walking up to your fiance and saying I want a prup which goes back to what you were saying earlier have the vision meeting first what's your goals Etc then bring that up time you know you never said that when should we have that conversation I think that conversations about money need to be far more normalized absolutely between dating couples absolutely it should not be just on the verge of Engagement that you finding out you know what your spouse is what your future spouse's Financial picture looks like yeah yeah yeah um so you know um it should be in my view and I know in your view it should be early and often you should not be getting down on a knee and proposing to marry somebody without knowing you know what their financial life looks like and you know we talk about this idea of people who are getting married married uh in this day and age they're older they're you know they're in their 30s they might be in their 40s going into their first marriage and how much you've accumulated in assets and debts by that time in your life but the other thing that goes under the radar is what your financial habits that you've built up over the course of your life that might be even more important than the assets and debts that you've accumulated that at that point in your life is what are your financial habits are you the kind of person who maxes out the 401K every year do you carry debt on your credit cards or do you pay them off in full every month are you investing in you know the S&P 500 or is all your money in crypto you know those kinds of things are the types of financial misalignments that break apart relationships every day yeah and so um having those kinds of conversations about what your financial practices are is something that you can start early in the dating process without laying out your spreadsheet showing all of your net worth on the table um and then it makes all the conversations that follow after that much easier when you've already exercised the muscle of communicating about your finances yes no I I I 100% agree and we will definitely put a link to um how to have the hard conversation with your while dating uh when it comes to finances um I came up with a whole like 20page ebook on hey here's how to bring up the conversation at dinner at coffee in a car driving to music walk on a picnic or walk on the park or at a picnic or anywhere because that's just one thing I believe we struggle with we struggle with asking the hard questions in a comfortable way now I don't think it's ever going to be 100% comfortable that to talk about money because a lot of us have made bad money decisions but I do believe like you said if we can have the money conversations UPF front we quickly know if we're aligned or we're not aligned and Alignment doesn't mean that they're good it just means okay cool we're on the same same page all right you got out this debt what do we need to do to start working on this debt now okay and um what what are your goals with this debt like do you want to bring it into the marriage you have credit cards do you want to keep credit cards so you know we how do we get on the same page in the same alignment and I like and I I just I don't understand from your expertise as we're as we're closing at the show out outside of not really understanding prenups the definition of what a prenup is outside of um the negative stereotype of the word prenup why do you think is what do you think is the real reason why people are scared of prenups scared to come sit down with you and have the conversation about a prenup I think that talking about money is just so taboo yeah and people just have a really hard time breaking down that wall and having these conversations you know in society it somehow has become such that it is easier for us to get physically naked with our partner than it is to get fiscally naked with our partner and having these conversations I think that you've got to approach it from it's a no judgment Zone you are wherever you are in your financial life and we're going to sit down we're going to talk about it it's not going to be any judgment this is just the reality of where we are and then once we've broken down that wall and we've gotten transparent then we can start having the communication we can start having the conversations about how do we bring our financial lives together so that we're aligned so that we can avoid the pitfalls of the financial arguments that break apart half of marriages today so Aaron if I come to you at my spouse um uh do I hear some people say that I should have a prenup attorney she should have her own prenup attorney and we go back and forth together make sure is right your company it's one attorney handling both sides is that safe no no so we can only legally represent one side okay of the transaction okay um a lot of people will come to us because they like our philosophy they like that we're about saving marriages and not just planning for your divorce right and so they'll make sure that I am you know my office is drafting at least the first draft of the agreement but we can only legally represent one side my view is that you want to minimize the number of conversations and all the back and forth between the attorneys because Abol that's where you start racking up you know these unnecessary fees and there starts to get you know the communication that should be happening between the spouses can't happen between the attorneys that's just an inefficient way to go about this process I think that couples should get as educated as they possibly can um I'm biased but I would love for people to read the book and find out as much as they can about prenups and decide what works for them in their financial contract their financial relationship and then what you were doing is you were taking something that you and your fiance have already agreed to you're taking that to an attorney so they can just draft up and translate into legally is what you and your spouse have already agreed to so so you do agree that let's say if I come to you and I retain your services but I'm coming to you for me and my spouse you're cool with us not getting her an attorney or should she still have an attorney to read over what we draft up specifically to cover her or are you saying no I mean if you all did your proper research if you read my book for an example you've done some other research and you all come to me saying this is what we want and if I draft it up it's it's good A lot of people do that because they have come to an agreement on their own gotcha um so they don't need to hire a second attorney but I will never discourage somebody from talking to their own advisor and having somebody that can advise them on you know what are their concerns you know my concerns are not going to be your concerns what keeps you up at night what are the things that you want to protect against what are the things that that you know that you're fearful of in terms of your financial future and be able to advise you independently of me advising one side um and hopefully it is a conversation of how can we come together and get aligned and not a negotiation of I win if you lose and you win and I lose um it should be a coming together something that you can both benefit and agree to so we come to you we get the legal paperwork drafted up she may get her attorney to write it he may get her attorney to write it Etc but we get it once we get the piece of paper back to you uh we got to get it notorized and it just sits like where does it sit I know like my estate my my Law Firm has a copy of my estate and then I have a copy of my estate as well is that the same thing with a prenup the the state has a copy of it and I have a copy of it how does that work yeah we recommend that couples sign two original copies uh you got to get it notorized in some states you also have to have witnesses so you want to make sure that you're up on your local laws um and then each spouse can keep a copy and then usually a copy will go to the attorney as well so that um you know and and most people keep them in a lock box or you know wherever you keep your safe documents um you keep it there and uh the attorney will have a copy as well so that hopefully it is never needed but if you do need it then you know you got it yeah man you know it the hardest thing I did in my life was January of last year was when I S my estate plan and I have no no kids nothing at all and often times when I talk to some of my peers and friends I'm like yo you need to get in the state plan you need to you know get a preup if you're not getting married um um and even do postnups if you're already married uh well we're going to work on it we're going to work on it we're going to work on it and I just feel as that sometimes people don't want to have the hard conversations and I would definitely be honest when I did my full estate plan it wasn't easy at all there was nothing fun about talking about my death and there's going to be nothing fun talking about the possibility of my marriage ending but I would definitely say when I get sick now I don't like it but at least I know if I do go home to be with the Lord at least I know my family is going to be good and they're not going to be arguing the state it's not going to be telling them what they should and shouldn't do with my stuff I took some time to be selfless and to think about my loved ones and they are good and I want to be selfless to where if I do get a divorce and let's be honest CU I just be transparent I'm a man of character and integrity but hurt people do hurt things and I don't want to be so hurt that I lose my Integrity in that process that I didn't do what was fair because I was hurt and if I had this piece of paper here I I just you know whatever that piece of paper sake do it I I ain't got time for it we got kids what you want to do 50/50 all right bet let's do it get out my face if we going to get a divorce you know what I'm saying it's like I don't I don't want to be hurting oh no girl you ain't getting nothing now you get no man because I think I think hurt people hurt people and then when we recover we got to come back and apologize for our hurt when if we would have had a prenup in place we just probably with Attitude say whatever the piece of paper say let's let's just get it over with so I can move on my life yeah you're not just protecting against what your spouse may do you're protecting against your future self as well yes man and that's and that's just me being transparent you know cuz I'm human and when I'm hurt I'm not the best I don't think no one is the best individual and so this is this is just great so you guys listen we are going to put um his book into Today's Show Nots and I would encourage you I think I think some of the healthiest marriages in the world have the the uncomfortable conversations um I'm going to be reading this book he just gave me my my signed book um and um I'm going to read this so that that way I can become more educated um on this CU we couldn't have the full conversation uh on today's show but I will encourage you if you're seriously looking into marriage if you're seriously um dating someone that you're serious about and if you serious l in value Love and Marriage hey get this book and have a real conversation and no listen I don't care what your girlfriend a boyfriend say talking about a prenup does not mean the marriage is not going to work talking about a prenup doesn't mean you love them less talking about prenups doesn't mean that you know you don't you don't believe it can last no talking about a prenup is just like hey I want to make sure that you and I can start our marriage off right that's it that's it before you go buy a car I just pay cash for a car they still wanted my insurance my insurance card I was like bro it's mine it's like I'm not financing it it's like no no no no we just want you get into the car right to if you drive off the lot and someone else hits you you are covered and I said well thank you for helping me protect me and that is the quote of the day a prenup is the best insurance you will ever have in your life and I pray that is one insurance policy that I never have to use I pray I actually pray that about my car insurance and I've had to use it I've I haven't used my home insurance yet but I pray I never have to use my home insurance but I still pay for that thing every single month health benefits God knows I don't want to use that thing but I still pay for it but this is one thing that I'mma pay in one lump some up front and pray that I never have to cash it in and I pray that's the same thing for you we all want marriages to work we all want our marriages to last heck partnership and Union is important I can't wait to get married because I'm I'm going to be a better man I'm going to be healthier man I'm going be a wiser man I'm going have a whole lot of fun but I also want to make sure that you know we do started off right so we'll drop his uh company's website you guys in his show notes go check them out um if you all want to check them out to get a pre-up start it hey $3,500 is very very affordable especially from a man of his caliber get the book read it with your spouse read it with the person who you're dating and ask those questions maybe highlight them and then once y'all get on uh with um Aaron or someone from his company and his team uh ask the right questions so that way you're educated because that's important so you can know exactly what you're signing into but you know when I get married I'm going to Aaron y'all he's going to be my preup attorney yo it's your boy Anthony O'Neil love you all see you on the next show peace out

Channel: The Table With AO

Views: 10,159

Keywords: what do men want, what men want, what do men want in a woman, what do men want in a relationship, what men want in a woman, what do men want from women, what men really want, relationship advice for women, how men think, what men really want in a woman, relationships, relationship advice, what men want in a relationship, dating advice for women, Anthony Oneal, the table with anthony oneal, what men think, anthony oneal podcast, dating, divorce, prenuptial agreements, prenup

Id: F1refGbniXc

Length: 69min 13sec (4153 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 11 2024