Whose Line: The News According to Colin

good evening<font color="#E5E5E5"> it's time for</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> the 6 o'clock</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">news</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> on your anchor Les</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> Miserables oh</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">yes you</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> are yes you are all right</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> our</font> top story today according to a recent scientific report men think about sex every<font color="#E5E5E5"> six seconds</font> and<font color="#E5E5E5"> be cut Mike Wallace</font> welcome to the<font color="#CCCCCC"> 415 news I'm your anchor</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">or</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> land</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> curtain back today's top story</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">9 out of 10 Americans</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> believe that out</font> of 10<font color="#E5E5E5"> people one American will always</font> disagree with the<font color="#CCCCCC"> other 9 this just in</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">sucking up still get</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> you ahead in</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> the</font> business welcome to the<font color="#CCCCCC"> 6</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> o'clock news</font> I'm<font color="#CCCCCC"> your anchor West Boeing more taste</font> our top<font color="#E5E5E5"> story today after a</font> disappointing summer<font color="#CCCCCC"> Humpty Dumpty has a</font> great fall this just in looks really don't<font color="#E5E5E5"> matter</font> welcome to the<font color="#CCCCCC"> six o'clock</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> news I'm</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> your</font> anchor <font color="#CCCCCC">Lars of the Mohicans</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> story</font> according to<font color="#CCCCCC"> a statement today</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> released</font> by the<font color="#CCCCCC"> national viagra Association</font> contrary<font color="#CCCCCC"> to</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> popular belief the points do</font> matter welcome to the 6<font color="#E5E5E5"> o'clock news I'm</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">your anchor</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> Thor buttocks</font> our top story<font color="#CCCCCC"> today</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> 60s musical group</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">the birds today</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> announced the 24 City</font> reunion<font color="#E5E5E5"> tour</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> with their new band member</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">George W Bush to save on money mr. Bush</font> will play guitars and drums<font color="#CCCCCC"> according to</font> a spokesman<font color="#E5E5E5"> a bush in</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> the band is with</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">two in the birds and the Dodgers lost</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">welcome to the 6 o'clock news I'm your</font> anchor<font color="#E5E5E5"> Pierre</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> because my bladders empty</font> our top<font color="#CCCCCC"> story tonight</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> NASA</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> sands probe</font> to Uranus<font color="#CCCCCC"> people everywhere giggle</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">welcome to the</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> 6 o'clock</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> news I'm</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> your</font> anchor<font color="#E5E5E5"> frankly don't give a damn</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> a large</font> wooden object with a pointy end was found spinning in the downtown core <font color="#E5E5E5">that's our top story this just in</font> donors are wanted<font color="#E5E5E5"> for men whose buttocks</font> are blown off an industrial accident <font color="#CCCCCC">doctors report no end in sight hello I'm</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">Jackson good reader</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> yeah you suck boring</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">boring and</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> welcome to the 6 o'clock</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> news</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">John</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> unfortunately everything happened</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">at 3:48 today so we</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> have nothing to tell</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">you welcome to the</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> 6 o'clock news I'm</font> your<font color="#E5E5E5"> anchor Earl from Ipanema</font> welcome to the<font color="#CCCCCC"> six o'clock news I'm your</font> anchor<font color="#CCCCCC"> Keith</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> my pasty white butt</font> our top<font color="#E5E5E5"> story today noted archaeologist</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">Fred Flintstone made an amazing</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">discovery today</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> in Sweden</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> on a windswept</font> fjord he came<font color="#E5E5E5"> across some primitive</font> musical instruments<font color="#E5E5E5"> plus some minuscule</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">deposits a fossilized stool when asked</font> what the<font color="#E5E5E5"> stool could be</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> Flint</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> steam</font> replied<font color="#CCCCCC"> ad Abba Abba do this just in</font> because<font color="#E5E5E5"> of cold you may experience a</font> blue moon<font color="#E5E5E5"> welcome to the</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> 6</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> o'clock news</font> I'm<font color="#CCCCCC"> your anchor Rhett to riddle out</font> around<font color="#E5E5E5"> the waist our top story tonight a</font> man who was swallowed whole by a whale <font color="#CCCCCC">escaped today</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> by running all the way</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">down to the end until he was pooped out</font> welcome to the<font color="#CCCCCC"> six o'clock news I'm your</font> anchor<font color="#E5E5E5"> Arthur any more doughnuts our top</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">story today</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> Rudolph the Red Nosed</font> Reindeer dead at<font color="#E5E5E5"> 53</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I know it is sad</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">over Barcelona</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> today</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> the famed reindeer</font> was hit by a flock<font color="#E5E5E5"> of seagulls and a 747</font> eyewitnesses report that the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by<font color="#E5E5E5"> the plane</font> welcome to the<font color="#CCCCCC"> six o'clock news I'm your</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">anchor Wolverine</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> st. Jack Johnny our top</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">story an infinite amount of monkeys came</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">up with the Fox fall lineup</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> this just in</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">nine out of</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> ten</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> dentists</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> agree the tenth</font> one should really chill out welcome to the<font color="#CCCCCC"> six o'clock news I'm your anchor gay</font> apparel<font color="#E5E5E5"> our top story tonight 95</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">year-old</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> Fred</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> Skippy was found</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> not</font> guilty today<font color="#E5E5E5"> of sexual harassment the</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">night five year old however was serene</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">Don charges of assault with a dead woman</font> this<font color="#E5E5E5"> Justin</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> were</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> all just people welcome</font> to the<font color="#CCCCCC"> 6 o'clock</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> news I'm</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> your anchor</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">lars of the red-hot lovers our top</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> story</font> today<font color="#E5E5E5"> the</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> great flight</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> Dini the Shrek</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">moon circus human cannonball for the</font> last 50 years retired yesterday<font color="#E5E5E5"> when</font> asked if<font color="#E5E5E5"> he was going</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> to be</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> replaced</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> the</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">circus owner said no it's hard to find a</font> man of<font color="#E5E5E5"> that caliber welcome to the 6</font> o'clock news I'm your<font color="#E5E5E5"> anchor</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> Olly</font> oxen-free<font color="#E5E5E5"> our top story tonight famous</font> TV dolphin flipper<font color="#E5E5E5"> was arrested</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> today on</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">prostitution ring charges he allegedly</font> was seen transporting<font color="#CCCCCC"> two 16 year</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> olds</font> across state lines<font color="#CCCCCC"> for immoral purposes</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">welcome to the 6 o'clock news</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I'm your</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">anchor</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> puffy don't need combs our top</font> story today an entire cult of dead killer bees<font color="#E5E5E5"> were found dead they are</font> thought to<font color="#E5E5E5"> have committed insecticide</font> welcome to the<font color="#CCCCCC"> 6 o'clock</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> news I'm your</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">anchor then you're gonna pay me</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> back</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">that 10 bucks</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> our top story today rock</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">star Prince has changed his name once</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">again</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> after</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> changing long distance</font> carriers<font color="#E5E5E5"> Prince the artist formerly</font> known<font color="#E5E5E5"> as the</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> artist formerly known as</font> Prince<font color="#E5E5E5"> will now be known</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> as the artist</font> who<font color="#CCCCCC"> formally phoned with</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> Sprint welcome</font> to the 6<font color="#E5E5E5"> o'clock news I'm your</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> anchor</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">Kurtis interruptus</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> our top story</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">disaster at the Los Angeles</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> Zoo today</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">when the snake pit was accidentally</font> filled in said the zoo director<font color="#CCCCCC"> it's</font> terrible terrible<font color="#CCCCCC"> news now the snakes</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">don't even have a pit to</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> hissing</font> welcome to the<font color="#CCCCCC"> six o'clock</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> news I'm your</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">anchor</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">Tad's the way</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> uh-huh uh-huh I like it</font> our top<font color="#E5E5E5"> story today famous</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> playboy</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> Hugh</font> Hefner managed<font color="#E5E5E5"> to successfully stop an</font> order of<font color="#CCCCCC"> monks from operating</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> a business</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">on his property</font> the police forced the<font color="#E5E5E5"> friars to close</font> down their stall which was<font color="#E5E5E5"> outside the</font> Playboy Mansion<font color="#CCCCCC"> where they had been</font> selling<font color="#CCCCCC"> flowers</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> said one friar well if</font> it was anyone<font color="#CCCCCC"> else we may have</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> gotten</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">away</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> from it</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> but unfortunately</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> only you</font> can prevent florists<font color="#E5E5E5"> Friars</font> try saying<font color="#E5E5E5"> that three times welcome to</font> the<font color="#CCCCCC"> 6 o'clock news</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> I'm Bernd Knightley</font> our top<font color="#E5E5E5"> story today a national study</font> shows that<font color="#E5E5E5"> balding men make the best</font> lovers<font color="#CCCCCC"> welcome to the</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> 6 o'clock news I'm</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">your anchor Woodrow</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> but don't have a</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">paddle</font> our top<font color="#E5E5E5"> story tonight bars across</font> America were sat in today<font color="#CCCCCC"> but a death of</font> dr. Joseph Lowenstein<font color="#E5E5E5"> the famous doctor</font> who as a<font color="#E5E5E5"> sideline would make exotic</font> drinks<font color="#E5E5E5"> from</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> whatsapp died suddenly</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> today</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">this is one patron who's really gonna</font> miss<font color="#CCCCCC"> that hickory dickory dock welcome</font> to the<font color="#CCCCCC"> 6 o'clock</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> news our</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> top story</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">wives live longer than</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> husbands</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> because</font> they're<font color="#E5E5E5"> not married to women introducing</font> : welcome to the<font color="#CCCCCC"> six o'clock</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> news I'm</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> your</font> anchor<font color="#CCCCCC"> Colin Marines and our top story</font> today Hollywood was saddened when foghorn leghorn<font color="#CCCCCC"> died today at the age of 65</font> memorial<font color="#CCCCCC"> services will be held</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> tomorrow</font> after which<font color="#E5E5E5"> the deceased will be served</font> with a nice<font color="#CCCCCC"> orange sauce</font> this just<font color="#E5E5E5"> in Beverly</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> Hills 90210</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">Cleveland Browns</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> 3 good evening and</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">welcome to the 6 o'clock</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> news</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> I'm</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> your</font> anchor<font color="#E5E5E5"> Oswald</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> Lorenz</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> Wald our top story</font> today<font color="#E5E5E5"> convicted</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> hitman Jimmy two-shoes</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">McClarty confessed today that he was</font> once hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field<font color="#E5E5E5"> using</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> only two small</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">porcelain figures police admit this may</font> be the first known<font color="#CCCCCC"> case of a knick-knack</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">paddywhack</font> welcome to the<font color="#CCCCCC"> six o'clock news I'm Thor</font> but not complaining welcome to the<font color="#CCCCCC"> six o'clock news I'm your</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">anchor Thor just</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> thinking about</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> it our</font> top<font color="#E5E5E5"> story today the</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> great Gamboni</font> eccentric human cannonball known for <font color="#CCCCCC">taking his lucky donkey to all his</font> performances escaped near tragedy<font color="#E5E5E5"> today</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">when the donkey climbed into the cannon</font> muzzle just as<font color="#CCCCCC"> jambon II was taking off</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">it</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> took the surgeons three hours to</font> remove<font color="#CCCCCC"> jambo d's head from his ass</font> welcome to the<font color="#CCCCCC"> six o'clock news I'm your</font> anchor horse<font color="#CCCCCC"> zeroed in on our top story</font> tonight disaster struck a ceiling fan convention <font color="#E5E5E5">tonight when the scheduled entertainment</font> dr.<font color="#CCCCCC"> linguini and</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> his trampolining sheep</font> hit the floor according<font color="#CCCCCC"> to one</font> eyewitness everything was fine<font color="#E5E5E5"> until one</font> extremely<font color="#E5E5E5"> high bounce and then the Sheep</font> hit the fan<font color="#E5E5E5"> this just in helium prices</font> up it's the<font color="#CCCCCC"> 6 o'clock</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> news on your anchor</font> large large pants on<font color="#CCCCCC"> pars</font> our top<font color="#E5E5E5"> story today a man who had been</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">swallowed by a whale and then who had</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">been swallowed</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> by a whale escaped today</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">by running as hard as he could till he</font> was all pooped out welcome to the<font color="#CCCCCC"> six o'clock news and I'm</font> your anchor<font color="#CCCCCC"> Gord Bless America</font> our top story<font color="#CCCCCC"> today I fight was started</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">downtown by a man wearing a suit made</font> completely of<font color="#E5E5E5"> mirrors the police said</font> the man apologized once he had time<font color="#CCCCCC"> to</font> sit<font color="#CCCCCC"> down and reflect</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> welcome to the 6</font> o'clock<font color="#E5E5E5"> news I'm</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> your anchor Tito</font> through the tulips<font color="#E5E5E5"> our top story tonight</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">a man is still in critical condition</font> after<font color="#CCCCCC"> swallowing $250,000 in large bills</font> <font color="#E5E5E5">no change is expected well that's the 6</font> <font color="#CCCCCC">o'clock news see</font><font color="#E5E5E5"> you tomorrow</font><font color="#CCCCCC"> night til</font> then good night and good news

Channel: jet417

Views: 4,069,696

Rating: 4.9332099 out of 5

Keywords: Colin Mochrie, Colin, Mochrie, Whose LIne, Whose Line Is It Anyway, Whose, Line, IS, It, Anyway, Ryan Stiles, Ryan, Stiles, Drew, Greg, Funny, Comedy, Improv, Improvisation, Weird, Newscasters, Weird Newscasters

Id: 79wm06j3_gM

Length: 13min 3sec (783 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 12 2012

Reddit Comments

[u/Jazzaman12]

I'll always love the one where he puts Wayne in the toaster and sighs when he pops up. Wayne's reaction is priceless.

Edit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qPQ_noVssI

[u/bakkouz]

my favourie Colin moment.

[u/goal2004]

I think my favorite is "A Bush in the band is worth two in The Byrds".

[u/tiridawn]

This Irish Drinking song fuck-up always makes me cry from laughing! Colin and Ryan keep it together while Wayne and Drew nearly pee their pants: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAS2W4r_UmE

[u/ENTersgame]

Our top story: Famous Playboy Hugh Hefner managed to successfully stop an order of monks from operating a business on his property. The police forced the Friars to close down their stall which was outside the mansion where they had been selling flowers. Said one Friar, "Well if it was anyone else we might have gotten away from it, but unfortunately only Hugh can prevent florist Friars".

[u/justlog]

Here's my favorite bit

[u/joaquisoriano]

Woodrow Butdonthaveapaddle

[u/narutojebac]

A burglar left a hole in the victim's backyard fence. Police are looking into it.

[u/finalcut]

I love watching the guys on the side trying not to fall apart