What's Your Most Useful Dirty Life Hack? (r/AskReddit | Reddit Stories)

what is your most useful nsfw life hack you're masturbating come on your cat the cat will clean itself with instinctual licking no more crusty socks if you get a hair in your mouth when going down on a girl just stick your tongue out and lick her inner thigh it's dryer and non-hairy so the hair will stay and she will just think you're mixing it up a bit it can kill the mood when you have to stop to fish the hair out with your hands before fingering check your nails by scraping them against the inside of your cheek if you can feel the nail scratching it's not good enough when doing her doggy style dart put a finger just under where her [ __ ] isn't pushing slightly you should start to feel yourself thrusting from the inside if you roll your tongue up and press it against a woman's cornhole you can funnel her farts directly into your mouth use both hands for masturbation gently rotate hands for an added bonus fingering one hand with fingers in one hand working her [ __ ] making out get your hands involved both of them stop grabbing her ass the whole time show her her whole body means something to you missionary put both hands under her back and hold her shoulders thank me later cowgirl put one hand on her hip and the other on the small of her back work that rhythm doggy style one hand on her hip and the other all over the occasional smack is appropriate add your own nsfw two-handed method edit i just realized that if i move making out before fingering this is a pretty good date night lay a couple sheets of toilet paper in the bowl before taking a dump it muffles the sound and reduces the risk of water splashing back at your ass edit rip my inbox buy condoms on amazon i got 60 for 12 bucks when they cost five for three at the gas station when you go down on a girl she presses against you it means do it harder if she pulls away it means do it more gently if your forklift doesn't go high enough use it to lift another forklift get a boner before shaving your junk it will tighten up the loose skin making it easier to shave and minimize the risk of cutting yourself years ago when driving home after work at 4am i was so tired to the point of almost falling asleep at the wheel instead of pulling over to nap i whipped it out and started stroking it kept me wide away for the 62 miles home ask your girl to masturbate for you she'll love the intimate attention and you get to learn exactly what she likes remember all girls are different figure out what they like and then give it to them like that forget how past girls wanted it explore and learn about the girl in front of you to achieve female orgasm it is necessary that you first eliminate anxiety fear doubt cold toes etc from the female subject i call it the stink test when making out with your lady of choice and you're considering going down on her but not certain if she's rocking a flower or some old tuna that's when you need the test give her a quick diddly do when things are getting hot and then when she's not looking brush your fingers under your nose and take a whiff you can pass it off for scratching your nose if you get caught but she probably won't call you on it this lets you determine if you really want to get your tongue up in that or not a warning though i'm reasonably sure girls know when you're conducting the stink test edit yes jolly rancher got it create a file on your computer called porn that automatically shuts it off during missionary place a pillow under the female's butt the male will penetrate deeper and rub against the g-spot with each thrust also a foot board makes for deeper penetration great calf exercise if you need to fart but it's just not moving out get on your knees put your head on the floor with your arms stretched out above your head and your butt in the air hang out there a little bit [ __ ] back and forth a bit if you need to works like a charm toot away if you bet court you're just doing a little yoga never ever ever get come in your eyes doesn't hurt at first but then it's the slow burn of what i like to think a million of sperm trying to tunnel in and fertilize your eyeball if my mental image is off please don't correct me it tickles me man or woman keep some condoms in your room it's such a mood killer if you're about to go to pound town only to realize no one has condoms i've gotten dressed driven to a gas station to buy some come back and by then the mood is ducked and you're basically starting from scratch i've yet to find a woman that doesn't love the following move when in the spooning position during six use your free hands to massage the [ __ ] and nipples you can get a motion going where you're pumping in and out with your d while rubbing on and off of the [ __ ] with one free hand and working the nipples with the other i've found that most girls come violently when this move is applied correctly as an added bonus you can kiss the back of their neck while doing all of the above it is a bit difficult to coordinate until you get the hang of it but your lady will appreciate it convert one of those stupid no hand sonitizer dispensers into a no hands lube dispenser duck her right in the [ __ ] ladies use baby oil instead of shaving cream when shaving your lady parts you won't be able to keep your hand out of your pants all night though fair warning gentleman if the position allows for it look your lady in the eyes for that initial thrust it's near guaranteed to get her going a bit more right from the start it feels like you're in tune or summit i don't know and that'll pay off for both of you the rest of the time if you want to use whipped cream in the bedroom stick to the light crap not to save on calories it just leaves a much less sticky residue when licked off if your partner is really responding to something you're doing you're going to want to start to do it more or faster or harder or whatever but don't just keep doing it the same as you were that's what was getting them off find the [ __ ] and use it when you give a blow job use your hand in combination with your mouth and synchronize your strokes so that your hand is basically working as an extension of your mouth helps those who easily gag and gives you an extra four or five inches of mouth when hitting drop your legs up against the wall in front of you and push it'll give extra force to force it out google chrome has incognito browsing never worry about deleting your browser history again d for the menu are um thicker than average or for the women who are tight have your girl lay face down and straddle her just below the butt massage their neck back and shoulders as you work it in i've had a lot of problems with women being in pain from the girth of my d for whatever reason relaxation maybe this works like a ducking dream expert level massage with one hand use the other to rub her [ __ ] or finger her gets her wet and loosens up the muscles in the v making entry much less of a problem for both of you if you are ever in a pinch a snickers candy bar wrapper can be used as a condom pooping at work isn't always safe but there is something nice about getting paid to poop if you have a gravely voice anything you say when your head is touching her v will cause pleasure this thread is like cosmo for redditors get her in the mood straddle her ass then give a back massage and relaxed start kissing her neck back then slowly finger her now you're in perfect position for the prone bone hide condoms everywhere under the couch on the windowsill behind the blinds under the bed in the bathroom if you can reach out and grab a condom you won't break the flow and you're less likely to do something stupid go in raw i actually had a girl call me the condom squirrel once also giving a woman a foot massage and lots of cuddling buffer essex helps her relax so she is more likely to orgasm have a few music playlists ready to pick from i keep a little thing of baby wipes near my bed where i keep my lube and stuff makes for a great and easy cleanup moan or hum while giving a [ __ ] guys like to know you're enjoying yourself if you're not touch yourself too and the vibrations can feel good every girl is different explore with your fingers to find where the most sensitive areas are then try exploit that during six with various angles and positions use pillows if needs be to get where you need to go never stick to the one speed have lubrication on hand foreplay for about 20 minutes try not be approved when communicating what you both like always shower after have a little travel mouthwash on the bedside table find a chance to pee before you start there's never any need to finish first if you're a guy slow down a bit and start a little foreplay to keep you both in the mood encourage her to play with herself while you're having sex no one knows how to make themselves feel good better than themselves if you're going down on someone either gender don't brush your teeth first you create lots of little cuts on your gums which makes it easier to pass these in both directions use mouthwash instead suck at making balloon animals inflate a ribbed condom and tie it off presto instant millipede as a guy if you're getting ready to blow your load and can hardly hold it stop moving your d in and out and instead reach around and play with her [ __ ] bring her right on the edge of orgasm and then start thrusting again and you'll both come at the same time i do this with my girlfriend and in five years it's never failed once saw this quote on the front page once masturbation is a lot easier to clean up than an affair if you're sitting on the toilet and you want to use the same piece of toilet paper to wipe your ass and your nose wipe your nose first if you are a fat dude drop some weight to get an effectively longer d i've learned more about six from this thread than my entire academic career damn it american schools some of this info is quite useful when a girl says yes yes keep doing exactly what you are doing otherwise you'll just duck it up if a guy says that do it harder and faster when i have a headache i masturbate make a red hammock when using a porto potty use 3-4 lines of tp just long enough for the middle to droop down having the distance from the seat to the water sit on that and when your it comes out it will hit the tp then drop the distance will be cut in half thus eliminating any splashback upon your [ __ ] the picture is more nsfw than the life hack itself but for all you men who complain about p drips after urinating before you take a dump spray an air freshener directly into the bowl and smell the delicious fresh scent clouds wafting up while you drop bombs quit your job if you're unhappy there men drink lots of pineapple juice a bit late but for my fellow guys who have a bit of trouble lasting alternate the fibonacci sequence look it up if you don't know how i can't link on mobile and counting down from 100 by 7s in your head while holding your breath as long as you can egg one one zero zero one nine three two eight six three seven nine five seventy two eight sixty five on the flip side counting down from one hundred by one s while breathing deeply with your partner doing all the work will make you come before you hit zero source mathematician who comes too fast from six and two slow from bjs keep a designer ted six towel in your room when using a condom you can use these towel to take off the condom this way your hands don't get covered in splurge then wipe off latex lube residue when not using a condom let the guy wipe off first then ladies have a seat and let it absorb guys if you come on her letting her use these towel first is the chivalrous option anyway having a designer ted six towel prevents kleenex bits and all your towels smelling like split gingers sauce a lady friend [Music] [Applause] [Music] you

Channel: Reddit Avengers Stories

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Id: YRgh7xPGdWs

Length: 13min 40sec (820 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 14 2020