What's The Worst Defense You've Seen Made In Court?

what's the worst defense you've seen someone make in a court i never touched my daughters i never hurt my daughters never would i sexually abuse my daughters except that one time at the cabin the guy became an instant meme in our country language a domestic abuse case a husband was the accused the couple was in their late 70s or early 80s when asked if he did indeed abuse his wife the husband started complaining that some 40 years ago the wife pretended to be ill and he had to do the laundry all by himself as if he expected the judge to just go okay i guess that's cool then my sister told the judge that the light wasn't that red then he said he was going to suspend her license and she said but my dad already took it away i took a guide to small claims court his defense was i didn't have the product so i couldn't ship it to him obviously the judge was like but you took his money the guy yay so i could buy the product and ship it to him judge did you do that guy not yet judge do you have his money guy no i had had an emergency and had to spend it that was that i won edit someone gave me gold thanks this was a very stressful period of my life i defended a guy on a dui that jumped into the back seat after he got pulled over and claimed someone else was driving he was the only one in the car i saw this go down while waiting for my traffic ticket judge so you were seen pulling a stop sign out of the ground and throwing it in the river accused yes sir jay were you drunk hey no sir jay the ticket says you were intoxicated hey no sir jay okay let's say i believe you i will throw out this drunken disorderly charge hey thank you sir jay but i will have to charge you with the destruction of government property and endangering the public that comes with at least a year in jail so i'll ask one more time were you drunk hey yes sir very drunk sir it says here you were drinking and driving judge no sir i drank then i drove a guilty guy i knew a guy who said that the police who responded to the domestic that he had perpetrated had no right to charge him with meth possession since the meth was so pure no one could have seen it of course his dna seamen was in the alley behind his apartment where a sexual assault took place where else would you expect to find your dna except where you lived a guy was in court for a dui and he insisted on taking the stand when his lawyer advised him not to turned out he wanted the judge to know the cop who arrested him was just some rude kid trying to be a big [ __ ] and he wasn't even drunk he only had two bottles of wine with dinner his lawyer interrupted him to try to get him to stop talking and he told his lawyer to shut up then the judge advised him to listen to his lawyer and he told the judge i'm not a damn child don't interrupt me and the judge just smiled and sat back and said please proceed we all knew it was over for this guy he got maxed on the charge and advised in the future if he was going to pay for a lawyer he should listen to him i watched a friend try a dwi case her client testified that she wasn't drunk while driving and therefore not guilty because she was actually high on meth at the time my friend put her head down and started hitting her head against the desk who would die i was in traffic court and the first guy to go before the judge got pulled over doing some crazy speed like 140 miles per hour the judge essentially told the guy to say he wouldn't ever do it again and that it was a mistake and in return the judge would drop the ticket fee and the points on his record the guy countered with well i drive that fast all the time so i'm really good at it and i don't think it was dangerous at all because of how good of a driver i am guy could have walked out totally free but instead got a 2 500 f n e and two points on his record friend of mine once got a ticket for leaving her car standing in the marked off no parking zone in front of a grocery store which she thought was outrageous because she was just running in to get a pack of smokes then she saw how much the ticket was for something like 120 dollars which she thought was just ridiculous because damn it she was just running in for a pack of smokes i mean come on how is that worth 120 dollars so her plan was to go to court and contest the ticket and point out to the judge how ridiculous that was and offer to compromise it like maybe 40 dollars because for pete's sake she was just running in for a pack of smokes and let's be reasonable here yes her plan was to haggle with the judge over how much the ticket should be worth so she goes to court and sits there most of the day waiting for her case to be called and eventually she gets bored and goes outside to grab a smoke and hang out and while she's out there her case is called she missed the whole thing didn't even get to try the hole come on 120 for that come on i'll give you 40 dollars and even that's highway robbery defense on the judge and got hit for the full value of the ticket plus court costs ted bundy jumping out of the courthouse window and running probably didn't do much to convince people he was innocent mine is sort of a worst best defense sort of scenario a few years ago i was doing jury duty at crowned court in the old bailly it was to judge this gang violence case against a sri lankan gang in london essentially someone had gotten attacked with a machete in a car park and left for dead there were six suspects in this trial two of which had left the country what was very clear was that all six of these people were in complete cahoots every one of these four came to trial and blamed one other so no one got blamed twice but every one of them got the blame placed on them most of the evidence pointed to one of the guys in the trial or one of the guys that had left the country we had to vote not guilty because there was so much reasonable doubt against all of them that none of them could be prosecuted hands down it's a tie between every sovereign citizen i've seen in court for a simple traffic violation like displaying expired plates or not registering a vehicle the defense is always a stupid variation of this court doesn't have jurisdiction because the wrong flag is displayed in the courtroom wasn't legit court just caught to change my last name i was 14 and wanted to change my last name to my stepdads my biological father had to be present for the appointment and sign off on it it went something like this judge ok if everyone will sign here your name will be changed bio dad i'm not signing judge why not bio dad what if she gets pregnant out of wedlock i want the baby to have my last name reminder that i was 14 years old had never even kissed a boy and i hadn't spoken to my dad in at least five years the judge told him that was an irrelevant point and convinced him to sign the paper i was glad to leave that part of my life behind me that day i had a guy come into my jail with a robbery charge he tried to explain that it was a misunderstanding because he just took a girl's money and kept the weed he was supposed to buy her for himself so at most he was just a itty boyfriend he made his situation worse by throwing and did she tell you we're ducking she was underage i gave testimony as a health professional in a child custody case the mother wanted to revoke the father's joint physical custody of the eight-year-old girl the issue was that girl was asked to wipe her father's butt apply lotion and wash his genitals the father's case was that because he was obese fatigued suffering from frequent diarrhea and taxed to take care of his own hygiene without assistance it was acceptable for her to do this as long as she wore gloves to avoid contracting hepatitis c from him he also argued that it taught her a lesson about compassion and caring for those unable to do so themselves and help them to bond truly incredible when my cousin was on a jury for a domestic case the woman was put in the hospital by her boyfriend she was in a coma for 18 months and couldn't even appear in court apparently the guy pushed her through a door and down the stairs the guy's defense lawyer was actually trying to get him off with a lighter sentence but then they guy opened his mouth and tried using the defensive if she would have just listened to me about not touching my gun i wouldn't have gotten so mad i didn't think the push was strong enough to put her through the door i didn't mean to put her in a coma it just happens when my cousin told me this i couldn't believe it he ended up spending three years in jail and is no longer allowed to possess weapons he was deemed mentally incapable of handling such things my rapists lawyer tried to argue that i wanted it i was eight when i was assaulted and had no idea what was going on or what he was doing i overheard this guy tell the officer that yes his car license is suspended but his i don't remember the correct terminology the driving truck one isn't and neither is his moat license three people and the judge tried to explain that a suspended license means he's lost his privilege to drive in general and all together he kept fighting it and saying he wasn't fixing anything because he's now driving a moped and that license is still okay he came out with saying it's suspended for several old duis judge why are you late defendant my momma didn't wake me up judge how old are you defendant 42 i only sexually assaulted her to make her feel more confident about her body as she was a big woman paul gascoigne ex-professional footballer today traffic court i was the defendant i show up in a suit and tie and i'm waiting for my attorney judges there first part of the day is just making sure we all show up and then the city attorney offers us a discount to plead guilty that is first time offenders have to sign up for a class on safe driving other than that 30 off the top always fight your tickets people anyway i wasn't going to accept a plea deal cause i had an airtight case even my lawyer agreed she was nice and actually listened to me and did the ground work so she shows up i've already checked in and she and i refuse the initial offer she then tells me to go wait outside while the city attorney tries again to get me to take the plea and others so the thing with traffic court is that the officer who wrote the ticket has to show up my attorney was concerned because the guy who ticketed me typically shows up so we go back into court and i'm sitting there and a group of guys come in all wearing ripped jeans and graphic shirts with dirty work boots one of them looks familiar but i can't place him and figure it's just some more people waiting for tickets they were the cops for the various cases the judge was not amused their defense for their condition was that court was too early me and about 10 other people had our tickets dismissed i have the signed letter from the judge framed he didn't have to say a thing the poor city attorney though he looked like he was about to die when the judge asked to speak to him like seriously i honestly feel he felt he was walking to his execution i was a juror on a dui case the driver had drank six vodka tonics and three beers in about three hours his lawyer tried to argue that electronic interference is what caused him to fail the breathalyzer test traffic court guy said he had been speeding accidentally because the speedometer in the exotic foreign car he borrowed was marked in kilometers not miles the failed atmos judge actually bought this defense even though driving at 85 miles per hour would have been displayed as 136 kmph was sitting in court for traffic violation the guy in front of me had a speeding ticket to fight it he pulled out a large stack of papers about three stroke four of an inch thick the stack of papers was a law he pulled out from the 1990s from a different country the poor judge had to read through i only hit him he fell off the building himself a stupid person who spartan kicked my uncle off a high school building when i was watching my sister get sentenced for a minor offense i listened to this court-appointed attorney talk about this 18-year-old girl who was in trouble for hitting her 50-year-old co-workers car and not telling anyone until the co-worker noticed the co-worker was yelling and carrying on about how this obviously pretty concerned 18 year old girl wouldn't even acknowledge her at work anymore and how she found her cocky and disrespectful her court-appointed attorney basically just said she told me she was afraid of you and wanted to stay out of your way while this was being worked out and the woman screamed that's ridiculous as far as defending yourself goes that wasn't a great way to do it story from driver's ed guy was in court for killing two relatively young gals while drunk defendant lawyer claimed that the young girls should be at fault because this man was drunk and the girl was sober she should have had the reaction time to get out of the way pretty stupid offense but in terms of the worst defense nothing beats that absolutely appalling maybe not exactly a bad defense but when i was going through the legal system with my ex-wife there was the case before hours between a woman and her son she was suing him over a bag of cat food he took a bag and never paid her for it after he'd promised he was just kind of like yeah i never paid her back and i probably never will what's worse is the judge sounded so casual about it like as if it was a normal thing for him to hear caught over a bag of cat food as in caught for a traffic violation in the state of florida i'm sitting with a room full of people who are also contesting their tickets there was a lady who looked like she was a waitress who got up to make her case in front of the judge she point blank told the judge in front of the officer that ticketed her that her violation was bullet from a know-it-all cop the judge then questioned the officer your honor the defendant's car was going 75-35 and ran several stoplights the judge then proceeded to ask why those charges were unreasonable her answer was parody level i was drinking last night and woke up late i couldn't lose another job so i needed to be on time he ended up paying 500 for wasting the judge's time in addition to her tickets not in court but i saw the guy pulled over and cops were trying to give him a field sobriety test he said he couldn't walk in a straight line toe-to-toe because he was a tugboat captain and his balance wasn't normal we were on a bar patio within earshot and we ducking fell out even the cops were laughing right in this dip it's face needless to say he got cuffed and stuffed i was sitting on a jury for a case of reckless endangerment or reckless driving or both anyway the defense was it's not illegal because he didn't mean to he was ducked up on pills i seriously hope that guy got an appeal for bad counsel the writers of rick and morty animated and voices a court case that actually happened i recommend taking a watch it's not my fault for raping her she was too attractive and i couldn't help myself yes this was a real defense in a real court case yes i rephrased this so it wasn't so long some guy sang a song about how sorry he was it was honestly beautiful he still killed a kid dumbass got life in prison that kid who drunkenly mowed down a family of four argued that he was too spoiled to know the difference between right and wrong now but my drunk ex-husband came to family court with his lawyer after i was asking for any remaining custody be taken and replaced with supervision he was caught drinking and driving a second time this time with my kids in the car he's a cop so there could be more that was covered up since the first time was on duty in the department tried to hide it anyway his attorney said i was kicking a guy while he was down that's what his legal defenses was to me that was the most idiotic argument regarding the safety of my kids my ex literally goes to calls of drunk driving accidents where people died and still put our kids in danger i thought it was a deer 17 year old that was high and ran over someone with his car as a public defender you're thrown into a lot of itty cases with little hope of winning and with very little time to win them my approach was to make any argument within the ethical rules that govern attorneys which led me to a hilarious court appearance my client was charged with possession of marijuana a misdemeanor first offense that carries no jail time in my state client and his friend were smoking in a park some citizen reports it to the police and the cops come and find them in their car after smoking my client admits to the cop that he was smoking obviously i'm thinking he's got no defense here other guy admits to smoking and gives the police the weed and pipe from his backpack the entirety of the evidence was the admission and the physical evidence so i argue at trial bench trial no jury with zero expectation of winning that the state failed to prove my client ever possess the marijuana your honor for all we know the other guy at all times had possession of the marijuana for all we know he held the pipe to my client's lips and lit it for him a discussion amongst myself the judge and the prosecutor in susori can you smoke marijuana and not be in possession of it i got the decision a few months later not guilty i'm a reporter and i covered my first murder trial a few months ago the defendant was a father who had been accused of shooting his 22 year old daughter in the face the father verified that the only people in the house at the time of the murder were him and his daughter the defense obviously didn't have a lot to work with but one of their arguments was the defendant couldn't have done this because the gun that was used isn't even a man's gun needless to say the dude was found guilty edit spelling i went to court because my next door neighbor tried to drive drunk and when his truck wouldn't move he got so angry that he threw several of the complexes large six inches landscaping rocks through the windshield one missed and hit my car leaving a large dent on the hood several scrapes and about one thousand dollars in damage he then moved his truck a few spaces over leaving a truck-shaped hole in the glass that was all over the ground next to my car the rocks were still in his cab the other rock was still on my hood i called the police and this man this 32 year old man had his mom lied to the cops for him for some reason they found my story more plausible at court he showed up drunk his lawyer asked for a delay the judge approved it and promptly recused himself as he himself had represented this man 15 plus years earlier i had a co-worker arrested for scamming me out of 1500 he legit tried to counter sue me for extortion his extortion case was a recording of me saying either give me my money back right now or i'm calling the police and having you arrested for theft dash in his warped mind i was extorting him by asking for the money back that he stole from me story as part of my university course i had to sit in on a court case and create a court report i turned up on a random day and asked to enter for my course and they allowed it turned out i was in a hearing about a man who was actually abusing his stepdaughter and her friends a key piece of evidence was a photo of his daughter tied to her bed and stripped it was very obviously her her full face was in view and she also had a very recognizable and undeniable birthmark on her jaw the man's defense was that this couldn't have been taken by him as he didn't recognize the girl in the photo judge damn near laughed at him there in the courtroom my ex tried the i didn't do it defense during the restraining order hearing the judge looked at him already annoyed by him being late said you're telling me you did not do the crime you confessed to the responding officer and plead guilty to three weeks ago honestly if it wasn't to itch out a deal with it would have been hilarious in my law graduation i was working as a trainee for the college lawyer assistant and i honestly saw that scene judge where were you on tuesday 11 pm accused i was working in the street selling pot judge you were doing what accused selling pot the lawyer looked to him like wtf recently there was a court case over whether colorado marijuana companies have to pay overtime federal law says yes you have to pay hourly employees over time the lawyers for the company argued that since marijuana was federally illegal federal overtime laws didn't apply more than helix's attorneys moved to dismiss the case on the grounds that a federal court had no jurisdiction to hear the case because colorado's recreational marijuana industry is in violation of the controlled substances act i'm already breaking one law so the rest of them don't apply as the hottest legal take i've heard in a while he shot the guy admitted to shooting the guy but said the police framed him for murder he was defending himself and kicked off the trial by singing the star-spangled banner and had to be taken out of the courtroom wasn't really a defense but when i was there for some damage years back there was a guy in front of me wearing the choice caught apparel combat boots cut off kamokaki shorts and a red shirt that said on the front prison hell and on the back inmate no 666 dude was going to speak to a judge wearing that ensemble i wasn't there long enough to see him speak but i mentioned this because that outfit had to have said everything for his case defense in ways he could only have dreamed of i was waiting in court for a traffic ticket when a woman's case came up she was able to prove that the time on the ticket 9 pm was incorrect since the officer who was on the stand admitted he worked the early shift that day he had meant 9am but the argument was made that if he made one mistake on the ticket there could be others judge agreed ticket dismissed so then this good old homeboy contests his ticket next officer gets up runs through the usual time of day location weather conditions radar etc at the end of it the homeboy just not the judge patient as ever asks if wants to challenge any part of the officer's statement no no says homeboy no that was really good so if you are admitting guilt why did we just do this the judge asked well i figure that woman got off on a mistake maybe this cop would make a mistake too explained homeboy did she ask the judge nope said homeboy happened just like he said everyone in the courtroom laughed and homeboy got a small [Music] fine [Music] you

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Id: vuWXrLbFOSY

Length: 24min 13sec (1453 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 03 2020