"What To Do When You Can't Forgive" - Paul Brown

man i am so excited to speak the word of god today and we're talking about this topic when you can't forgive what do you do when you can't forgive but i want to encourage us this morning that the healer is in the house amen and that before we go any further one of my favorite quotes that one of the pastors says here i knew if he says that a heart of praise writes a wrong perspective so if you hear something just shout out amen and pra in fact let's practice it amen oh that's pretty good that's pretty good one more time amen whoa okay all right now we're getting loose we're getting loose all right in fact tell somebody preach prucha tell someone next to you say preach preacher oh there it is you guys are working on it but i want us to get in the the mood and in the heart of recognizing the truth of god because the truth of god is going to speak to us but it's our job to now allow it to touch us to say lord jesus i'm going to receive this truth it's hard to hear but i'm gonna receive it and i was thinking about this topic of what do we do when we can't forgive and i was thinking how people perceive hawaii maybe when you think of what you think of hula girls online you think of palm trees one person actually i went to california they're like you're from hawaii yes yes i am from hawaii you know and they're like do you patter the school yes i do i proud of the school every single day amen but they have this this thought process that no when you come to hawaii it's perfect it's paradise but we all know in this room there's wounded people in paradise isn't there there's people in paradise that felt the hurt of a stinging word the shame of betrayal the hardship of manipulation that each of us have a story to tell and it's way beyond the 25 minutes that we can address here this morning but the healers in the room amen amen and that's what we're going to continue to remind ourselves man i'm going to believe the promises of god i'm gonna wait on you and he will renew our strength but some of us have pains but some of us have wounds and maybe it's a spouse maybe it's your kids maybe it's a friend maybe it's your family in fact i would say this that sometimes the hardest people to forgive are your family members aren't they because you're never betrayed by an enemy you can only be betrayed by a friend so the hardship is there in fact some of us if we're honest we have a list of names that we could roll out on the on the floor of people that as soon as you hear their name your blood starts to boil that guy that person that hardship that wound and a lot of us have wounds that have not healed and you can always tell a wound hasn't healed it hasn't become a scar how by every time a doctor says how are you doing you're like i'm doing great and then they start to touch the the part that hurts and they say does that hurt and you say ow yeah that hurts who yeah i remember that moment and anytime you you recognize that pain you can recognize that man you've been wounded we've been wounded and we have to address the wound because the wound if we don't watch it will become infected and then it it infects everything around us everything and we can name these people that have hurt us but i love our god because he is faithful he's good he is the alpha and the omega the beginning and then all things were created by him and for him and that he knows life and he knows how to live life to the fullest that's what he promises to bring so what is his remedy we can trust him and i love that we don't need to necessarily need to trust the person that hurt us but we can trust god who heals us and it is this he says that we must forgive in fact it's a command in colossians 3 13 it says this bear with each other and to forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone forgive as the lord forgave you in fact at the beginning of time that jesus would come on the cross and would forgive people before they asked for forgiveness that he would come and die on the cross for us for the the reconciliation between us and god and now we get to now decide hey we're going to be a part of the healing if the genesis of healing happened with forgiveness guess what the genesis of healing in our family and in our souls it's going to be when we forgive also amen it's when we start two for give in fact i think of unforgiveness as a cavity has anyone just be honest with me has anyone in here ignored a cavity raise your hand my people amen hallelujah the honest people in here and online but i remember i ignored a cavity and it got worse and worse and worse and worse in fact i went to the finally went to the dentist and he started to what they do they scratch at your teeth i hate when they scratch at my teeth you scratch at your teeth and he pushed down on this one spot i knew it was going to hurt you know it's going to hurt but he's coming to put his finger his his tool there what to hurt you no to bring healing sometimes god will put his finger in something that hurts why because he wants to bring coldness to that so he put his little scratcher on my tooth and i said oh and he goes does that hurt no it doesn't hurt no no no no no it's fine it goes to the next tooth ow does that hurt i'm good i'm good and he already knew god knows you're wounded you don't need to lie to him all you need to do is surrender to him and he's going to do the work so i finally said hey doctor what's the damage he said well you haven't been in for eight years oh my gosh okay good so this is the damage he says you got three cavities you gotta get a root out and a crown i said oh man and i realized one thing he said to me again and again it comes to me and i feel like the lord says this to us why didn't you come to me sooner all we need to do and i would tell you right now it's more complicated than our pa pay rate right no but our god can do the impossible we need to bring it to the lord because he has the remedy in fact there's a danger to to holding on to unforgiveness i love that pastor wayne says it this way he says that unforgiveness is like drinking poison waiting on the other person to die you're so bitter oh and you just look at the person you're like oh that person and you just think about that person and you know this is true right because you might have started your whole day with joy but once you start thinking about that incident about that moment about that phrase about those words your whole countenance changes in fact i believe that her people her people but also healed people healed people that god has called us to healing and i i believe this that when we don't forgive our past and things that happen in our past that trauma would become our future drama that trauma how many of us in the in this place right now have brought trauma from other relationships into these new relationships and you think it's the relationship but really it's the trauma and it's the reality of saying lord jesus would you heal me from this trauma then i may actually be whole as you called me to be i'm gonna walk in this healing that is what god is calling us to do in fact i believe this i don't know why this is so true but god always tests me on the h1 it happens on the h1 i get tested and i remember this older gentleman i was my sister was driving i think we might have cut him off i don't know but he gave us the one-way son to heaven uh he gave us the bird and i got angry i was like oh my god my sister started crying i was like it's it's oracopuna it's okay it's okay she's like i don't know i feel so sad it's like oh bad i gotta find this guy you know like my whole countenance changed in fact i was joyous at the beginning of the day and at the end of the day i just partnered on it more and more and more and more in fact i now started to complain to other people and then they're like yeah you're right and guess what i started making a trend a trend of bitterness i was making a club a bit like yeah and then we just got together just to talk about people we're like and then we just became what a trend of bitterness and god's saying no i want you to bring a trend of reconciliation of healing in fact god wants to bring healing in you but he also wants to bring healing through you that's through reconciliation amen second corinthians 5 17 20 states this he says therefore if anyone is in christ jesus this person is a new creation the old things have passed away behold new things have come 18. now all these things are from god who reconciled us to himself through christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation namely that god was in christ reconciling the world to himself not counting their wrongdoings against them and he committed to us the words of reconciliation wow that god has called us you and i broken people to reconcile all of humanity back to god guess what though it starts with us i love that she said that she said it starts it stops with me and it has to stop with me i have to be the one that's gonna choose to forgive i'm gonna have to be the one that chooses to say you know what i'm gonna allow my wounds to become scars because i'm healed because the only way a wound can become a scar is through healing and so we need to actually find our place in christ's love to make our wounds scars and i was thinking to myself why in the world did jesus come after the resurrection right and he came and he still had scars in his hands scar on his side i believe it's this this is the reason why and we can see it reflected in thomas he wants to reflect his goodness that he's faithful that he died on the cross for us that while we were yet sinners christ died for us he wanted to give us an example so one thing i want to do is give you three steps to get you to the door of forgiveness you still got to open it no one can open it for you you still got to open it three steps to at least get you to the process to the place of forgiveness the very first one is this those who recognize that they have been forgiven much will love much they will love much in fact luke 7 47 says this for this reason i say to you her sins which are many have been forgiven if she loves much but the one who has forgiven little loves little and what's so interesting interesting about this passage is this is a passage that is referring to this lady who anointed god with perfume and he comes in she he's sitting and she comes and she actually starts to go to his feet and she cries so much that she's wetting his feet and you don't understand if you lived in hawaii a long time we were slippers anybody and your feet are just stinky and she comes up to jesus and begins to wipe his feet with her hair and then takes the the oil that she has that's really expensive oil and starts to pour it on his feet and starts to anoint him with oil and all the pharisees these are the high officials say look at that center look at her and why is he associating with her and jesus says surely woman your sins are forgiven today because she came and said lord jesus i come to you and i surrender in fact he says this that anywhere the gospel is preached the deeds of this woman will also be taught so maybe in this place you have a picture you have a past or online that you want to just release and surrender to god and god says i'm good and gracious to forgive when you turn to me amen now there's a flip side so the sick that need a savior and know it are gonna get healed they are that's the promise of god but those who are sick but don't think they need a healer there's a danger there's a danger the pharisees had this perspective they thought that they were whole they thought that they were fine in fact they judged jesus again and again because he's hanging out with what tax collectors prostitutes i probably would judge somebody too right oh why is pastor wayne over there restaurant row no he he was reaching the lost mark 12 17 reflects this reality and saying this on hearing this jesus told them it is not the healthy who need a doctor but the sick i have not come to call the righteous but sinners the word of god says there is no one righteous there is no one righteous but all have fallen short of the glory of god meaning this there's only those who know that they're sinners needing grace or those who are sinners that don't think they need grace we need grace and how many of you guys are so glad that god has grace for us amen and when we have that it actually allows us to now stop judging and now sitting and recognizing the grace that god has for us and that god has for the people around us therefore we must recognize that we are sinners saved by grace it doesn't matter class you come from it doesn't matter what creed economic standing what degrees you have at the end of your name we are all saved by grace if you're from waimanalo or you're from waianae we are saved by grace if you're from hawaii kai hallelujah you're saved by grace it's grace that we've been saved it doesn't matter where you're from or who you are you're saved by grace amen so point two when we recognize that we are loved much we can forgive much when we recognize and that word to recognize means acts to re-cognition to re-think about think about the love of god upon our lives and peter was trying to test jesus he's like jesus okay how many times should we actually forgive somebody like one time two times three times so what peter said he who wanted to say you know what i'm going to kind of outdo all the disciples i'm going to say let's forgive them seven times seven times with is the number it's the the symbolic number for completion and he's saying i'm gonna forgive seven times and we see this right here in matthew and he said then peter came to jesus and asked lord how many times shall i forgive my brother or sister who sins against me up to seven jesus answered i tell you not seven times but 77 times what he's trying to say is that this is the completeness of his goodness to continue to forgive again and again and again can you imagine if god only forgive gave us seven times how many guys how many of us sin more than seven in here amen we are citizen by grace and that's the goodness of the gospel that we are saved by grace why is this so important because it's going to give us the authority to send away unforgiveness it's going to give us the authority to release the hurts in our lives when we see god's grace it's god's grace in fact god can empathize he says that we do not have a high priest who cannot empathize with us the empathize is literally means to wear the weight of that person's wound to wear it to hold on to it this sympathizes this have you ever heard someone say this to you i'm sorry you feel that way it's the most infuriating thing ever i'm sorry you feel that way no it's like i'm sorry that i hurt you would you forgive me the weight of that is different he can where he knows exactly the pain that you are going through so when you forgive people and you're right some of you guys might say right in this place and i'm not trying to trivialize your pain but some of you might say they don't deserve forgiveness guess what you're right and not neither do we neither do we we are saved by grace and therefore we don't look at what they've done but we look to what christ has done on the cross amen and when we do that now we have this authority now to be reconcilers of god to man to god and man to each other this is the work that god has called us to in fact ephesians 2 8 9 says this for it is by grace we've been saved through faith and this is not for them yourself it is the gift of god it's a gift nine not by works so that no one can boast we are saved by grace grace literally means unmerited favor to give favor without merit you didn't work for it and honestly if you live in hawaii that's really hard to understand because we only usually get favor when we do something good oh good boy you know you get good things when you get do good god says you did wrong and when you repent i'll still give you more you'll receive more in fact a great author said this kathleen falsani said this justice is getting what you deserve mercy is not getting what you deserve and grace is getting exactly and absolutely what you don't deserve the justice when you do something wrong you should get punished mercy is when you say you know what i'm not going to punish you grace says this come i forgive you and i'm going to give you something that no eye has seen no ear has heard no imagination has even conceived for those who love the lord that's grace it goes beyond just justice it goes beyond just mercy it goes to grace and when we see that it gives us now this authority to see in fact i will allow you i would encourage you to do this that allow your the altitude of your grace happen when you see god's goodness in praise then when you begin to praise god and that's why when you praise it's almost like everything disappears for a second doesn't it you're like praise god great is that faithfulness morning it's morning and we're like yes lord then we walk out these doors oh my gosh kalani because we've now stopped looking at the grace of god and we look at the doings of people we must look to the grace of god look to the grace of god in fact that we could do this worship but we also need to pray so point three begin the process of forgiveness by praying for your enemy it's gonna take it's gonna take grace it's gonna take seeing god's goodness his faithfulness trusting his plan even if it doesn't look like yours matthew 5 43 and 45 says this you've heard that it was said love your neighbor hate your enemy oh we're good with that but i tell you love your enemies who pray for those who persecute you that you may be children of your father in heaven can i encourage you this that children from heaven hey they bless they continually bless and the children from the enemy man we curse and we say you know what we we hope that you do have a terrible day we end up cursing people instead of blessing people we're called to be blessings to the world in fact i would say that's anything that we aren't willing to forgive and trust god that's where god the devil is going to come in that's where the devil is going to hold on to your unforgiveness because you're holding on to your unforgiveness and then lead you around to do whatever have you ever had anger issues and you notice you have anger issues and you can't get rid of this anger i bet it's connected to past trauma that you need to find healing for in fact i want to illustrate this with my brother matthew brown but also the devil matthew would you come out yes would you make some noise for matthew brown you're the like the most handsome devil ever uh so he's gonna illustrate the devil and the devil knows he can't do anything to us all he can do is entice us he wants to entice us just like that you're the cutest devil i've ever seen in my life sorry distracted i can't remember but the devil what he'll do is say you know what i want you to grab on to something and as soon as you latch on just like a fish to the bait it will take you and he knows this he's betting on your unforgiveness so he can control you and then you you see something happen and you actually take on you're like you know what and you think you're in control you think you're in control you're like i'm in control but actually you're being pulled by the okay take it easy buddy okay i know you're strong but and you're actually being pulled by the enemy but i'm in control he doesn't deserve forgiveness he doesn't deserve it you're right he doesn't god wants to free you from it but guess what what happens is that we hold on to it thinking we're in control but we're holding on to unforgiveness and then he gets to pull you around in fact you're angry and you don't know why you're angry you're kids you just blow up on your kids and you don't even know why you're blowing up you talk to your wife or you're talking to your husband and that hurt from that one last boyfriend just threw you too to the mars to another world and you realize man i i just i i can't even handle processing in fact people that haven't even wronged you but you see it as a hurt as a wound because you already been wounded in that way people will leave and you will think that they're betraying you and abandoning you because you've been abandoned and you actually have to begin to forgive if not you keep on pulling and pulling and pulling and you think you're in control but true freedom doesn't happen when you think you're in control true freedom happens when you surrender to the god who is in control that's what happened and when we hold on and you can pull a little bit harder and when we hold here this is why i think prayer is so important and maybe you need to go on a forgiveness retreat like you need to go you might have 20 people on that list and maybe even this and i know this is true some of you guys have not forgiven yourself word of god says this he says even when your own heart betrays you your own heart will condemn you he says i have not that's the grace of god it's so powerful it goes beyond it will heal the very nature of humanity if he heals our hearts everything changes so as we pray this is what happens and i remember i was passing that person's house and i was like i literally thought to myself man i pray he has a terrible day you know abraham i know you're like pastor paul you're terrible yes i'm sorry say my grace and uh i remember i was just thinking these thoughts and the lord said you have not been healed from that wound have you i was like lord you're right he said i want you to do something i want you to start praying for him i was like pray for him for him oh well i want you to pray for him and i began praying for him i said father god would you change his heart father god would you would you allow his family to be a generation of healing i pray lord jesus that you bring success i pray lord jesus that you lord jesus if you need to chastise him to be exactly who you called him to be lord jesus would you transform him and would you just turn the whole thing around that what the enemy meant for evil you would mean for good father god i surrendered to you so true freedom doesn't happen in control it's when you surrender control to the god who is in control amen amen thank you matthew i love you bro god is so faithful because he knows and it's going to be hard it's going to be difficult i know but god and we serve a god who does the impossible he will help us along the way we need to continue to live in god's grace in fact jesus exemplifies this on the cross can you imagine we nailed him to the cross and this is what he says jesus said luke 23 34 father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing and they divided up his clothes by casting lots the true enemy of humanity is not the person sitting next to you or the person that you're thinking about the true enemy is the enemy of our souls the devil and we have to recognize that god is trying to do something greater we have to go beyond just looking right here and i know it's so difficult i have people in my life i have had to pray over i feel the pain i have to pray over again and it is going to be a process but sooner or later your wound will no longer be infected it will finally become a scar and it will remind you of the faithfulness of god amen i love our god he's so good and i just want to end with this last story and it's the story of peter and i love peter when when jesus is alive he's like feeling so cool he got the sword on him he's excited about the future and he says to jesus i will never betray you have you ever made promises to god i'll never do this and then you do it and guys we see that peter actually betrays and denies jesus three times what's so interesting about the word number three again it's a symbolic number meaning completion and he betrays jesus and he he is so distraught that he starts to break down in tears and then we see a scene happen it's the resurrection and we see jesus on the shore making a fire and peter sees jesus far off and he begins to recognize that that's jesus and he goes to the shore and if someone betrayed me three times i would chew them out jesus was making breakfast making breakfast he said we have some fish let's make some breakfast and he says to peter and i love these words he says peter do you love me who you can imagine how peter felt and he said i love you then he said feed my sheep again he said peter do you love me [Music] and he said lord you know that i love you and feed my land and finally he says for the third time third time he said to him simon son of john do you love me peter was hurt because jesus asked him a third time the number of completion do you love me he said lord you know all things and you know that i love you and jesus said feed my sheep when we know that we are forgiven much then we can now forgive much when we know that we've been shown grace upon grace upon grace then we can now show grace when we know that we are a sinner saved by the love of god then we can show grace and love to those who don't deserve it because we didn't and that's our god that's how good he is because i believe this that god if you allow him if you surrender control and you say i let go and i let god allow you lord jesus because i trust you i don't understand it all but i trust you and i believe this he's going to take your wound and he's going to turn it into a scar and you're going to reflect back and not say ow anymore you're going to say wow god you're that good amen hey would you stand with me as we close and i just want to pray really quickly but i want to address two groups of people so at this time would you just buy your heads with me i just pray [Music] maybe you're in this room and you've felt the wounds and the hurts and the pains that the world has to offer and you need a touch from the healer but you don't know him you have not said yes to the lord maybe online or in person and maybe that's you and this is your moment with god [Music] this is the most significant moment you could and decision you could ever make if that's you in here and you've never said yes and not for me and not for the people around you but just between you and god would you just raise your hand go ahead you can raise your hand right now amen praise it high amen amen amen amen amen amen amen see you in the center see on the side i see in the back amen amen amen amen after this there's a yes pack and we just want to walk with you with your next few steps would you just take one we're not going to shame you're not going to get ridiculous we're not going to get crazy we just want to walk with you if you're in this place and maybe you are a christian but man you have tons of wounds in fact a lot of christians do because we extend grace we try to love people and we get hurt in the process if you're in here and you want to start the process of healing through forgiveness and you need a touch of the father hey would you raise your hand right now amen amen amen amen yeah amen god sees you he knows you amen you can put your hands down hey i'm gonna pray this prayer would you pray this prayer with me maybe you pray this prayer a million times hey would you pray with all your heart and if this is your very first time hey would you surrender to god i tell you this if you follow jesus it's an adventure because god will do great things in you and through you hey would you repeat after me heavenly father thank you for jesus thank you that you came and died on the cross for my sins that i may have life eternal so i say this so that you can hear this so those around me can hear so i can hear myself and so the devil can hear jesus christ is my lord he's my savior i belong to him father god that is the cry of our hearts lord jesus we know that it's not gonna be easy but all things are possible through christ jesus who strengthens us so i pray right now that just as we go maybe we need to go on a forgiveness retreat maybe anytime that person comes to our brain we need to pray but would you in your process in your love turn our wounds to scars we love you lord jesus we give you all the praise the honor and glory and all god's people said amen would you give god some praise we praise your name yeah amen amen hey we love you guys so much we pray that you guys have a wonderful weekend

Channel: NewHopeOahu

Views: 739

Rating: 5 out of 5

Keywords: Sermon, Church, Jesus, New Hope Oahu, New Hope, New, Hope, Church in Hawaii, Oahu Church, Worship

Id: vrjfgqmsBUU

Length: 36min 17sec (2177 seconds)

Published: Sun Jul 25 2021