What Should I Look For in a Woman?

hey Jim wolf here so what should you look for in a woman I get this question a lot especially from guys who just got broken up with or they just got divorced and they want to make sure that they don't pick the wrong woman for them again and so they want to know going forward what should I look for in a woman that might give me a better chance at a successful long-term relationship now this talk is for you if you want a girlfriend or a wife if you just want to date casually the things in this talk are still somewhat important however they become increasingly important the longer you want to stay with someone so this talk is about what to look for in a woman if you want to build a satisfying long-term relationship with her that ultimately will allow you to be happy five years from now with her or ten years from now or 50 years from now with her instead of just thinking about the short term and honestly I used to care a lot about the divorce rate we all have heard that the divorce rate has been around 50% for the past few decades and you know that statistic used to really bother me however now the thing that really bothers me is that recent studies have been showing that only about 10 to 30 percent of relationships are happy healthy and functional what I want you to be able to do is to choose a woman who you can be happy with 10 20 30 50 years from now and who you can build a satisfying relationship with because I don't think you should just stay married to someone I think you should build something that is positive for both of you and so that's what this talk is about there are things that you can look for in a woman that give you a very good chance of building a satisfying long-term relationship with her and those are the things that we're going to be talking about now here's the thing you have to train yourself to look for these qualities because your body won't necessarily automatically reward you for looking for these characteristics okay so it's just like dieting if you want to have a healthy lifestyle you can't just follow everything that your body wants in that moment for example your body is designed to reward you for eating sugar salt and fat but in our current environment we have so much sugar salt and fat available that you can easily eat too much of all three of those things and then it becomes a negative and so just like you can train yourself to eat healthy food more often you can train yourself to look for these particular qualities in women and once you're aware of them you will start to see them in the environment around you so the next time that you're out on a date with a woman you'll be more aware of these characteristics and then they're going to start to show up and you'll be able to tell if she has them or not and then your reaction to her will be based on whether or not she has the qualities we're going to talk about in this talk at a high level instead of kind of the automatic responses that you're having right now just because of your past experience or because of what your body is rewarding you automatically for because at the end of the day the male brain and your body is going to reward you for being with women who can successfully have your child and maybe they're nice to you once in a while okay so the bar is basically are they healthy and fit enough to have your child successfully that's what your body is going to tend to reward you for automatically and so you can't trust that if you're looking for a longer term thing that's a very short-term survival solution and your body is designed to survive not to be satisfied and thrive in your relationship and so you have to train yourself to look for these qualities if you want to be with someone for a long time and be happy with them that's one of the reasons why we don't have such good relationships right now is because having a satisfying relationship is not required to have children it's not a survival requirement you can have crap relationships and have kids and you can probably relate to that maybe you know some people like that maybe your parents had that kind of relationship okay so you don't have to have a good relationship it is not a requirement for life so if this is something that you want if you want to have a relationship that's ultimately satisfying you have to choose it and you have to train yourself to look for these qualities in a woman to develop them in yourself and to actively build the kind of relationship that allows you to be happy and satisfied after 10 or 20 years with the same person and it's a difficult thing to do again because it requires education and training it's not just something that we're naturally able to do now the qualities that I'm going to recommend that you look for in a woman in this talk are based on decades of relationship satisfaction research so these are the qualities that data is showing are related to how satisfied you're going to be with a woman 10 years from now to 50 years from now okay and I have adapted them to the male seeking female perspective I think the values and priorities are slightly different for a man seeking a woman than it is for a woman seeking a man and so I'm going to give you these qualities to look for in a woman from the perspective of a male who's seeking a female and now the last thing that I want to talk about before I get into the qualities that you should look for in a woman is that you should develop most of the qualities we're going to talk about within yourself as well most of these are not just qualities that you as a man can look for in a woman to be more satisfied in your relationship these are also things that you can develop within yourself to be more satisfied in your life and also to bring more value to your relationship for her also so this is not a one-way street you're not just shopping for a commodity you should also develop most of these qualities within yourself so that you can contribute an equal amount to the relationship also and on a similar note when you're out there dating please don't try to change the woman that you're dating please do not try to help her learn how to grow these qualities unless she asks you to do that your job is not to find a woman and then change her into what you want your job is to find a woman who already has the qualities that we're going to talk about right now so don't ever think that someone else is going to chain and don't let your happiness depend on someone else being different than they are when you're dating a woman except exactly who she is and decide if that's good enough for you okay so don't try to change anyone look for someone who already has the qualities that we're going to talk about right now and then develop those qualities within yourself as well so here we go first we're going to talk about four deal-breakers that I think should always be there if you're going to commit to a long-term relationship whether you want a girlfriend or a wife I think these four things are completely necessary and you should never seriously date someone who doesn't have all four and the first one is physical attractiveness now this sounds really obvious to you because you're a man and we definitely always look for physical attractiveness however I have to keep it in here for a couple of reasons first studies have shown that if the woman is slightly more physically attractive than the man both partners tend to be happier long-term and one reason for that might be that the man is willing to put more effort into the relationship if she's slightly better looking than him okay so I want to encourage you not to settle when it comes to looks if that's something that you value do not be ashamed of that it's part of our biology to seek out what we think of as a good-looking woman and what's good-looking to us just means she's healthy and fit enough to successfully have a child it's based on survival so don't be ashamed of that there's a reason why there are certain women that we find physically attractive and you should use that as energy when you're out there dating and you're going to be more motivated to contribute to the relationship if the woman that you're dating is physically attractive enough for you now I'm not saying that she has to be a supermodel or a playmate for you to be happy not at all in fact it's a lot better to date someone who's a little bit less good-looking and has all the other qualities that we're going to talk about then it is to date someone who's a little better-looking than her okay so it's definitely not the only thing for sure and the longer you date someone the less important it is however a lot of guys are really afraid of expressing their desire for physical attractiveness it's not really socially acceptable so I want to encourage you to go for what you want don't worry about what anyone else thinks and on the other hand if you find a woman physically attractive but other people don't who cares this is about you and your life so as obvious as it sounds only date women that are physically attractive to you it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks so I encourage you to be true to yourself and date women who you find physically attractive and I think that you'll find that doesn't actually make you more shallow it's just the first requirement we're going to talk about a lot more things that you're going to look for but I think it's a good thing to start with people who turn you on and now the second of the four deal-breakers is high interest in you or strong interest and you the more a woman likes you to begin with the easier everything will be for you now this is a huge flip in the minds of a lot of men and when it comes to dating and that is a lot of guys try to get they try to get women which is really really really difficult if not impossible you can't actually get women who don't already like you a little bit okay what you can do is you can take women who are already at least a little bit interested in you and make them a lot more interested in you that is your mission as a man in the dating game there is absolutely nothing that you can do to make a woman who is not interested in you become interested in you that's impossible nobody can do that but if a woman likes you a little bit you can definitely encourage her to like you more okay and again this is a huge shift for a lot of guys and you might think well no women are all that interested in me so maybe I'm screwed well no it's just that you haven't figured out what the signs of female interest are they don't just come up and tell you hey I'm interested in you they expect you to know based on their little behaviors okay and so once you learn what to look for and start noticing the women who are interested in you you'll start seeing the options that you really have and that's what we want to get to we want you to start seeing the real opportunities around you and stop wasting your time and effort on women who aren't interested in you and once you do that you'll start to get everything that you want and you can start being more choosy and start looking for these qualities that we're talking about today okay so start looking for women who are interested in you and if she's not don't try to date her and then the third of the four deal-breakers is that she's single she's available she doesn't have a boyfriend or a husband okay the more single she is the easier and more clear everything is for you now there is a rare exception to this where she has a boyfriend or a husband and he is on the way out and she's looking for his replacement okay so she has no interest anymore in her boyfriend or her husband but she hasn't broken up with him or divorced him yet however you have to be very careful with that because there are a lot of women who will date you to get validation or maybe they want a meal or maybe they want a little more excitement in their life right now but at the same time they have no intention whatsoever of leaving their boyfriend or husband and they'll just string you along okay so it's far better to start with someone who's clearly single right now so you want to start from a place of strength which is you find her physically attractive she's interested in you and she's single okay so don't make it harder on yourself don't get really invested in a woman who's already got a boyfriend or a husband if you're going to even pursue that at all which I don't recommend make sure that you're still dating other women as well because that's a very weak position to be in okay and again like we talked about in the beginning your emotions might be strongly attached to this woman but you have to step back and train yourself not to let it go there okay so make sure that she's single and then the fourth of the four deal-breakers is loyalty okay and obviously loyalty is important to women as well but it's even more important to men after the three other basic deal-breakers this is a really big one this is the number one thing to look for in a woman that will make you comfortable happy and satisfied for the next 50 or 100 years with a woman if you're with a woman who is loyal to you you are much more likely to be happy and comfortable in a long term relationship with her and loyalty doesn't just mean that she doesn't cheat on you it also means that she defends you in public she makes you look good in public she discusses things with you instead of with her friends and family so she is loyal to you in every way that's what we want we want someone who once she's committed to you once she has very strong interest in you then she's loyal to you okay and this is a quality that it will take you some time to figure out if she has it and one of the ways that you might start trying to figure this out is listening to how she talks about her exes does she say that she's cheated on more than one ex I would say if she's cheated on more than one of her exes she's showing a pattern of disloyalty and he had to be very careful with her I would end things with her right away if she has a pattern of disloyalty but again that's up to you and the individual situation that you're in just don't be fooled by your emotions and continue to date a disloyal woman and ignore that okay so I recommend that if you find a pattern of disloyalty from the past she probably has some underlying issues that are causing that behavior and if she hasn't resolved them by the time she's dating you it might be a good idea just to be friends with her and date someone else because as a man you have to be with someone who's loyal to feel comfortable and happy with her and to give her the vast amount of value that you bring to the relationship as a man okay it takes a lot of effort and energy to make a really good relationship and it's only worth it if she's going to be loyal to you and also I recommend that if you are her official boyfriend or her husband and she does cheat on you I would recommend always ending the relation ship because first of all if you don't you are telling her by your actions that that's okay that it's okay for her to treat you that way and I don't think that's true I think that that diminishes your own self-worth and I think it's wrong you don't have to get angry about it because people are people we're all doing our best here okay so I'm not saying you should judge her harshly or get upset I'm saying that you should be with someone who is willing and able to be loyal to you I think it's a really important thing for your own self-respect now there is one exception to this rule if a woman has a boyfriend or a husband but her strength of interest in him is zero or less so she's not in love with him at all she feels no emotions for him she can stay in that relationship and be disloyal to him and that's not the same thing as the disloyalty that I'm talking about what I'm talking about is there are some women who can have very strong feelings for you that are legitimate they can be in love with you and they can still cheat on you that's what I'm talking about here you want to choose a woman who if she has strong enough feelings for you is going to be loyal to you and your job is to take her feelings from where they are now and increase them until she's in love with you and you want to be with someone who will be loyal to you at that point okay so that's what we're looking for here now again I don't think that you should date anyone who does not have these four qualities I think these things are deal-breakers right away so as soon as you figure out that she doesn't have one of these things I would recommend moving on so these are the first four things that you should look for in a woman if you want to be happy in a long-term relationship and now we're going to talk about the seven qualities that you can look for so if she has the four deal-breakers and we're going to start something with her there are seven qualities that you can look for that will be related to how satisfied you'll be with her 10 20 30 50 years from now and that's what we're going to talk about now this is the reason why I recommend waiting at least two years before you agree to marry a woman it takes time to really get to know people for real when you first start dating someone your emotions are going to be extremely high and you're not going to see reality clearly and neither is she to be fair okay and so you need to let those emotions cool off before you sign a contract that says she can get half your stuff if it doesn't work out all right so if you want to get married again I recommend waiting two years at least so you can see if she has these qualities and if she doesn't it might be a good idea to part ways with her okay so these are the seven qualities after the four deal-breakers that you should look for in a woman and again we're going to train ourselves to look for these things and the women that we date so the first of the seven qualities that you should look for is emotional stability okay now we all have periods of strong emotions okay so I'm not saying that she's going to be a cold fish in fact the opposite of that emotional stability means that most of the time the emotions that she feels are proportional to what's happening around her okay so she should respond in an emotionally appropriate way to things in the environment if something really bad happens of course she's gonna react strongly to that and get upset hey that's not what I'm talking about here emotional stability has to do with her general emotional health how does she respond to life you should expect her to have lots of different emotions and for her emotions to change rapidly emotional stability just means that the emotions she feels at any given moment are generally proportional to what's happening does she fly off the handle when the smallest things happen does she get upset easily does she always seem to be in crisis mode that's not good how does she respond to stress does she put herself down all the time or does she have average self-esteem or better has she been hurt so badly or traumatized in the past so much that she brings emotions from those past events into the present situation does she do that a lot does she take everything personally does she accept responsibility for her results in life or does she tend to blame external forces and does she have a good attitude about life in general the thing is that the more emotionally healthy and mature she is the easier it's going to be to have a good relationship with her because she won't be bringing a ton of extra negative energy into every situation for no reason life's already hard enough without compounding that difficulty with unresolved issues from the past and again everyone has bad days and experiences strong irrational emotions nobody's perfect when it comes to emotions so the important thing to figure out as if she has a consistent pattern of emotional instability you want to look for a woman who deals with her issues and tends to leave them in the past when she's with you and of course make sure you have your own emotional life handled also deal with your issues so you don't drag them into your relationships either and her degree of emotional health is critical to your sanity and happiness long-term so make sure you look for a woman who handles herself and life well so the first thing to look for in a woman that will make you happy long term is emotional stability also called low neuroticism you don't want to be with someone who's neurotic because they just bring more issues and negatives to your life someone who handles life well is going to be a net positive someone who's always in crisis mode is going to be a net negative so no matter how physically attractive she is make sure she also has the quality of emotional stability and you'll thank me in five years okay and the second thing we're gonna train ourselves to look for is agreeableness and this basically just means she sees you as a team instead of enemies so does she try to work things out with you calmly or is she always trying to get her way does she have a flexible pliable positive attitude or is she stubborn and hard-headed is she judgmental of you and other people does she put people down or build them does she say mostly negative things about other people or is she mostly positive does she give freely or does she take and manipulate now does she enjoy doing things for you or does she never think about it at all the thing is she can have really strong interest in you or be in love with you and never think about doing things for you it's a completely separate personality trait for her to be agreeable and it has nothing to do with how interested she is in you and the thing is we're not trying to get a free lunch and we're not trying to take advantage of her but you have to ask yourself if you'd want to spend seventy five years with someone who never ever thinks about doing something for you does she enjoy making you feel good does she support your mission in life we talked about having a mission all the time here on Team impact so does she support your mission or is she taking away from it does she support your passions or does she put them down or not care about them at all does she enjoy building you up does she knit pick your little mistakes and quirks or does she accept them because she knows you're an amazing guy in general does she expect everything from you or is she eager to work with you her positive team oriented flexible attitude is one of the most important factors in your long-term satisfaction with a woman so make sure you look for a woman who's willing and able to be positive and work with you so the second thing to look for is agreeableness and the third thing we're going to train ourselves to look for in the women that we date is trustworthiness we all know that Trust is the foundation of good relationships and we all kind of also know that some women are honest and others are habitual liars it's fairly obvious that it's better to be with a woman who's honest and now there's a sliding scale of honesty and the closer she is to the honest side the better your relationship with her will be now most women will tell small fibs to avoid hurting other people's feelings or maybe the lie about their age or their weight or things like that that's not what I'm talking I'm saying that you shouldn't be with a woman who lies about important things who talks about people negatively behind their backs who talks about your personal life publicly or someone who lies to you about what they're doing or otherwise beat raise you we talked about loyalty already trustworthiness and loyalty our twin sisters the thing is if you feel like you can't trust her you'll never feel completely comfortable around her and your interest in her over time is mostly based on how comfortable you feel and that means that your relationship quality will suffer and you won't feel satisfied and on the other hand part of this is also being with a woman who's able to trust you there are a lot of people out there with trust issues for one reason or another and while we can have empathy for that because a lot of us do too it's not good to be in a long-term relationship with someone who isn't able to trust you for whatever reason okay so choose someone who is trustworthy and who's able to trust you and the most important question that you can ask when it comes to trustworthiness is does she do what she says she'll do in other words do her words match her actions that's called integrity does she have a high level of integrity can you rely on her word will she be able to teach her children how to be honest so again look for a woman you can trust and who's able to trust you and the fourth thing that we're going to train ourselves to look for in a woman is self sufficiency the more she takes care of herself and the less you have to take care of her the better your relationship with her will be over time now it's okay for either one of you to take care of each other when one of you is sick or you're in the hospital or she's having one of your children or she's pregnant right now it's okay for you to take turns taking care of each other a little bit but for the most part the degree to which both of you meet your own needs is a critical element in how functional your relationship will be taking care of your own needs and wants is one way to define how much of a functional adult you are unless of course you have some kind of condition or a situation that makes you physically or mentally unable to do that everything is easier and better when a long-term relationship includes two functional adults so is she willing and able to take care of herself at a high level does she take responsibility for her own happiness and the way her life is going how responsible is she does she get herself into compromising situations a lot or is she good at avoiding trouble for the most part is she flaky or is she reliable does she stay healthy and fit because she values herself and her health is she dedicated to staying fit after the children arrive does she get regular medical and dental check-ups does she pay her bills on time can you actually count on her is she going to be an asset in your relationship or a liability that you have to drag along with you does she make a good teammate would you hire her as an employee would you trust her with your life find a woman who's self-sufficient that way she's choosing you because she wants you and not because she needs you that's a very important distinction a woman who's self-sufficient doesn't need you which is great because then if she's with you it's because she's choosing to be with you it's because she wants you and want is great want as healthy need is unhealthy the only things that you need are food water shelter and clothing okay so you don't need someone and if she's coming from a place of wanting you and not from needing you that's going to be better for you over the long term for sure so the more she takes care of herself the better your relationship will be now if she doesn't have the four deal-breakers and these first four qualities that we just talked about emotional stability agreeableness trustworthiness and self sufficiency if she doesn't have these four qualities at a high level you are going to have relationship problems down the line okay so these are the most important things to look for in a woman if you want to be with her long-term so I recommend that you make these the four qualities that you look for most after she meets the criteria of the first four deal-breakers and if she has the four deal-breakers and these four qualities at a high level you have a very very good chance of building a great relationship with her one that you won't regret being in after 10 or 20 years one that you won't want to leave and one that's going to leave you feeling very satisfied okay so start training yourself to look for the four deal-breakers and these four qualities and now we're going to talk about three more qualities that will have an effect on how satisfied you feel with her down the line the next one is called secure attachment now I don't think this one is a deal breaker you just have to decide if it's something that's important to you or not or if her attachment style is something that's okay with you and that you can handle okay so I'm not going to go into too much detail about attachment styles you can read a lot about that on your own there are a lot of great books and a lot of articles online that you can read about attachment styles if you want to but just know that if you both like each other and she also has a secure attachment style she'll be comfortable when you're with her and also when you're not she's gonna assume positive things when you're not around or you're running late like oh he must be busy or he's probably stuck in traffic right now and in that situation if she has an insecure attachment style she might assume the worst like oh he must be cheating on me right now or he probably doesn't like me anymore so if she has an anxious attachment style she might get upset if you're not texting her or calling her or texting her back or calling her back often enough she might want constant attention from you and if she has an avoidant style she might think that you're too clingy even if you pay her a normal healthy amount of attention she might feel like you're too clingy she might always value herself more than you and deny that she even needs or wants a close relationship even though she's with you and she may pull back from you even if you're doing at thing right and the point here is to be aware of her attachment style and realize that has nothing to do with how much she likes you it's just her attachment style so if she has an avoidant or anxious attachment style there will be difficulties in your relationship that you have to navigate no matter how much she likes you and the key is to be patient with her in either case and decide if her attachment style is something you can deal with and if she's worth the extra effort and don't take any of that personally again it's not you it's just her attachment style if you can handle her attachment style great if not move on to someone whose style matches up better with yours and also it might take some work but there's encouraging evidence that you can actually change your attachment style so if you have an insecure attachment style whether it's anxious or avoidant there is evidence that you might be able to change that to a more secure attachment style and if you don't have a secure attachment style right now it doesn't at all mean that you're doomed to have unhealthy relationships a lot of people do not have a secure attachment style and again it's something that you can work on so accept her attachment style exactly as it is and decide if you want to continue dating her based on the current reality again don't expect her to change at all so work on developing a more secure attachment style yourself and look for a woman who has a secure attachment style as well and if you want to learn more about attachment styles definitely check out attached by Amir Levine and Rachel SF Heller and I'm not affiliated with that book or those authors at all but I think it's a good resource if you want to go deeper into attachment Styles so check out attached if you want and the sixth thing that we're going to train ourselves to look for in a woman is called capitalization and all capitalization means is that when something good happens in your life she expands that positive energy for example let's say that you got a promotion at work and you're very excited about it and you come home and you tell your girlfriend or your wife about it hey honey I got a promotion at work I'm so excited and you'll probably be a little more excited then I just said it but anyway you tell her hey I'm so excited about this promotion I just got at work now if she has this quality of capitalisation she will take that situation and expand the positive that comes from it so she will say something like oh my gosh honey that's so great I'm gonna go to the store right now and get some champagne and we're gonna celebrate that's awesome you've worked so hard and you deserve it let's celebrate this thing okay so she's gonna take the positives in your life and expand them okay now if she doesn't have this quality she might dismiss your accomplishment or the positive thing in your life or even make it negative so if she doesn't have this quality of capitalisation if you say hey honey I just got a promotion at work she might say something like oh so you got a raise at a job you don't even like or good you should have gotten a raise six months ago where's your next one or she might even just completely dismiss it like oh really oh cool and then go back to what she was doing okay so capitalization just means that she takes things that are positive from your life and expands them and this can add a lot of positive value to your relationship and make you much more satisfied over the long term so I highly recommend that you start looking for a woman who's going to capitalize on the positive things in your life and help you expand them and also do that for her when she has good news you expand that as well even if you're not feeling so good in that moment take that positive news and expand it and if you both do that for each other that's going to go a long way to feeling satisfied over the next 10 20 30 50 years okay so look for a woman with the quality of capitalisation and you'll be happier and the seventh and final quality that we're going to train ourselves to look for in a woman is minimal baggage her baggage is the extra things that she's bringing into your relationship with her so when you start dating a woman it's never a 100 percent clean slate she's had past experiences with men that she's gonna bring she has her childhood experiences that she's gonna bring she might have children that she's gonna bring so her children her ex's her unpaid bills her credit score her level of education these are all things that she's bringing into the relationship from before hey that's her baggage that's what she's carrying with her okay and the point of minimal baggage is just to give your mind a little marker to look for someone who has a minimal amount of baggage we all have some we're all bringing something into our relationships that's extra and a lot of times it's not a positive thing so we all have a little bit of that and it's important to work with her a little bit but you have to ask yourself especially if you're gonna sign a contract and marry this woman is her baggage something that you can accept or is it too much for you you know maybe she has 12 kids is that too much for you even one child is that something that you're ready for these are things that you have to consider and if she has a crazy ex-boyfriend who's trying to kill you that might not be a good situation for you no matter how much you like her so look for a woman who has a minimal amount of baggage that she's bringing and try to get rid of your baggage as well so you don't bring it into your relationship with her either so look for a woman with minimal baggage and you'll be better off so the degree to which you and the woman that you're dating have these seven qualities determines the likelihood that you'll be able to create a satisfying lasting healthy relationship with her so if she has these seven qualities at a high level you have a really good chance of being happy with her long term now again nobody embodies all of these characteristics perfectly including you and me so it's critical that both of you adopt the mindset of being positive teammates instead of adversaries or enemies to people with accepting flexible attitudes can go a long way and if you're going to put in the tremendous amount of work it takes to create a great relationship with the woman it's important to choose a woman who's truly right for you now you know how to tell if she's actually right for you you know exactly what to look for instead of a random list of things you think you might want so whatever you thought you wanted in a woman before whether it's oh she loves snowboarding or oh she makes me laugh or whatever that's fine if you want to have those but these seven qualities are more important and also the four deal-breakers and so we're going to break the habit of just going with whatever we thought before and we're going to train ourselves from now on to look for the four deal-breakers and then the seven qualities and we're going to wait at least two years before we agree to marry her so we can make sure that she has these qualities at a level we feel comfortable with in terms of giving her a commitment on paper like that okay and again she should be doing the same with you so this isn't a one-way street but this talk is specifically for you as a man in terms of what to look for in a woman so develop these qualities within yourself as well but I wanted you to know exactly what to look for in a woman if you want to be happy with her 5 10 25 50 years from now so here's a recap of the four deal-breakers in the seven qualities to look for in a woman the four deal-breakers are physical attractiveness strong interest in you she's single and she's loyal the seven qualities to look for are emotional stability or low neuroticism agreeableness trustworthiness self-sufficiency secure attachment capitalization and minimal baggage and for more about how to tell if you and the women you date have the qualities of emotional stability agreeableness secure attachment and capitalization you should definitely check out ty - she rose excellent book the science of happily ever after the science of happily ever after by Titus Shiro goes into those four qualities a lot and it's a really great book so if you want to go further into that and kind of how to tell how you and the women you date actually have them definitely check out that book and I'm not affiliated with tight Oshiro or his book in any way I just think it's a great resource if you want to go deeper into a few of these qualities and as a bonus there's one more thing that will help you build a deeply satisfying relationship with a woman and that is shared values so after the four deal-breakers and seven qualities another thing that you can look for is shared values for example if you value experiences and she values things or the other way around deciding how you should spend your time and money together will definitely cause conflict should you buy airline tickets to Dubai or should you save for a bigger house look for a woman who shares your most important values or at least has the attitude of appreciating and finding a way to honor your values and asking yourself one final question can help you cut through all the possible things you think you might want in a partner would you enjoy spending 75 years with her in a jail cell if the answer is yes she's probably a great match for you the thing is as we've talked about before even the most awesome people in the world have laws that includes you and me and nobody's perfect the question that counts is this one can you live with her imperfections or are they deal-breakers for you only you can answer that and again it takes a couple years to really find out after all the initial good feelings and hormones have faded away and reality is laid bare and notice that none of the qualities to look for in a woman involve having lots of shared interests with her that's because having the same interest is not an important factor when it comes to having fulfilling satisfying healthy relationships it doesn't matter if both of you love rock climbing or not there are literally millions of things you guys can do together and no matter how different your interests are you can always find some things that both of you enjoy doing together being together doesn't mean being the same a lot of people get this wrong they look for someone with a lot of shared interests and ignore the qualities that would actually lead to a satisfying healthy relationship that's part of the problem so be together with a woman not the same and look for women who have the four deal-breakers and the seven qualities who also share your values and the last thing that I want to say in this talk is that there's not one perfect woman for you out there there are many women who are great for you okay so you don't want to look for the perfect woman because that doesn't exist what you want to find is a woman who's good enough for you based on the criteria in this talk and there are many many many women who had these qualities that are right for you okay so your job is to find one who's good enough if you want to be in a long-term relationship that should be your goal find one who's good enough don't let perfection get in the way of good enough okay so look for someone who's good enough for you and build something awesome with them and even when you're with that woman who's good enough for you you are going to be attracted to other women as well that doesn't stop but none of those other women who are also good enough for you will make you any happier than the woman that you've chosen so if you choose a woman who's good enough for you there will always be a lot of other women who are also good enough for you and none of those women who are good enough for you will make you any happier than any other woman who's good enough for you so again if your goal is to be in a happy healthy functional satisfying long-term relationship with the woman where you feel really good about it even after 10 20 50 years choose a woman who's good enough for you and realize that's the best that we can actually do in this reality that we've been given and if you follow the advice in this talk you have an excellent chance of building the kind of relationship that other people will be jealous of after 50 years and if you want to know exactly what to do from the first moment you meet a woman until you've been together for 99 years to make sure that she Falls and stays in love with you and you build the best possible relationship that you can with her so that both of you are alternately happy and satisfied go claim your copy of attract and keep her right now and never get broken up with or divorced by women ever again unless that's something that you want so I encourage you to take control of your dating and relationship life right now go grab your copy of attracting key her I'm Jim wolf and I will talk to you soon Cheers

Channel: Dating Advice 4 Men Who Love Women

Views: 132,414

Rating: 4.7959757 out of 5

Keywords: never, settle, wife, girlfriend, long-term, relationship, dating, trust, my, feelings, how, do, you, know, she's, one, right, happiness, qualities, deal-breakers, satisfied, satisfaction, avoid, divorce, breakups, got, dumped, smart, decision, good, marriage, marry, her, should, after, healthy, functional

Id: EYOPxmn6x6c

Length: 44min 22sec (2662 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 26 2016