I didn't think
for me at any stage that I would suffer
as much as I am. And I had no idea. In my family, no
one talked about it. The women, the
women never spoke. I wouldn't have
known that my mom had gone through menopause. And did she go
through menopause? I don't really know. My aunts, did they? They just soldiered on. I started hot
flashes when I was 52. But I didn't realize
that was menopause. I thought my
heating was broken. And you know, I
honestly thought — I was ready to
call British Gas, because I just
got a new boiler. So I thought it was that. I was opening the window. I don't know why. Maybe I was in denial. I just — Yeah. And then one day it clicked. I was like, "Oh, oh!"
and I just laughed. They say, oh, well,
just hot flashes, they're just hot flashes. But it's like you've just
been sitting normally and suddenly you feel
as if your whole body is going into a fever. You know, like you really, your whole body just breaks
out into this sweat all over. You can feel it
all over your body, in the roots of your hair and
your neck and your chest. I can literally feel the
hot flash start in my brain. And also I can feel where
in the brain it starts. It's in the front like
left-hand side here. And as soon as a hot flash
happens — it sounds nuts, my partner laughs
at me all the time — I feel like something
goes "whoosh," like it makes that sound too. In my mind it makes that sound,
like something gets released, like there's a
spark and it starts there first in the brain. Work was really stressful. We were getting married. We were buying a house. There was just, like,
a lot going on. And I ended up with, like,
really bad insomnia. And I remember saying to
Ross, like, this sounds really silly, but I feel like I
flipped my hormones upside down and I don't know how
to get them back again. At that time I must
have been 34, 35. And I went to the doctors. They are just, like,
based on your results, it looks like you're
going through menopause. And I was just, like,
sorry, I don't understand. So, like, if I'm going
through menopause, what does that mean if
I want to have children? And the doctor just
said, "Oh, yeah, you won't be able to
have your own kids." Very rapidly my
periods got heavier and heavier and heavier. It was the summer. It was a really hot day. And I was in the shower. And I'm having my shower
and I'm washing my hair and then I looked down and the
floor of the bath, you know, my feet and the base of
the bath was just red. It was like someone had
just tipped red paint in the bottom of the bath. It was just a sea of red. And I remember, I just
stood there looking, thinking, OK,
like, what do I do? Do I tell Tony to
phone an ambulance? This can't be normal. The hair started falling out. Concentration
levels got worse. My mood got worse. I felt really down. I felt really
fat, really huge. You didn't have to eat a lot. You just take a breath and
you're swollen and bloated. I don't understand how
I can diet and detox for a whole day and wake up
in the morning and weigh more. And you know, you
can't take off anymore. You stood there naked on the
scales weighing yourself. You weigh more and
you've been eating celery and lettuce the day
before and weeing nonstop. And you weigh more. What is that about? Night sweats, restless
legs, hot flashes, migraines, like, really bad
digestion, heartburn, like, brittle nails, dry skin,
anxiety, low confidence, things like memory
loss, I didn't realize that was a
symptom of the menopause, so I just thought
I was getting really shit at my job. I had brain fog. I started to forget things. I couldn't remember anything. And it was quite
disconcerting because I had quite a job where I had
to remember a lot of things. So I would have
anxiety attacks, where I would start to get
shortness of breath and burst into tears. Irrational, you become
an irrational person. It doesn't matter
this lifetime of learning you've had
about managing your feelings and being aware, all of that
just goes out the window. And it's just, it's rage. It's like, it's like there's
an injustice, like there's massive injustice. It's really deeply unpleasant. In fact, it's beyond
unpleasant it's scary, because I don't feel like
me and I'm not in control. So there's something about,
like, this stage of life where you just
lose all patience. Whereas, when you're a younger
woman you'd be like a people- pleaser and just
like, oh, it's OK, or laid back about things
or trying to please people or trying to be seen in a — "Oh, she's so nice." And then you just,
like, don't even give a shit after
a while with this. You just, like, you
can't even pretend. I think that when you're
going through the menopause, you start to really feel a bit
of your mortality, you know. And you kind of
know that you're going into this
other phase of life, you know, you're no
longer a fertile woman. I don't — do I miss periods? I don't know what
to say to that. I suppose the
inconvenience down there. I don't miss that. But for me periods meant — it
was part of my femininity. It proved that I
was still a woman and that if I wanted to have
a child, I could have a child. But when you have that
taken away from you, you do feel that you lose
some of your womanness. I said one of
the hardest things I've had to come to terms
with is intimacy and sex and not having a desire for
myself or with my partner. That's horrific. It's like I'm having a
conversation with myself going, OK, how can
I feel sexy today? How can I feel, like, when
I look at my partner, I'm like, oh, my God,
I want you inside me, I want to have it, you
know, like, really? Like, I did go
through a period where I thought
that Ross would find me less attractive
because I couldn't give him the one thing that we wanted. And he's never made
me feel like that. But mentally, I just thought,
like, my body has failed me, and I have failed,
like, us as a family. And that is a really
unattractive place to be. Your vagina starts
losing its moisture levels and you start to
dry up basically. And at the beginning
it wasn't severe, but I had a lot of
scar tissue from, first of all, the first
birth I had an episiotomy. The second birth I had
a bad tear and the skin on my perineum started
to thin and dry a bit. And suddenly I had real
problems with that scarring, like, it would feel
really tight and painful, and sex became quite painful
unless I used a lubricant. My libido did go completely. But I was OK with that. I think part of the
change is we want to stay the same as we were. And we need to embrace
where we're going. It's not a bad thing. If your libido goes,
it's not necessarily bad. I remember a phrase
that Boy George said. And he said, what did he say? He said, you know,
"Sometimes I'd just rather have a cup
of tea than have sex." And that is true. And there's nothing
wrong with that. As women we're really
sold that sexual energy is what is the most important. And when we lose that, then we
feel like we don't have that anymore. It's not that we're losing it. It's changing, it's shifting
into something else. You can start using sexual
energy in a different way. I think it gets
confusing for women because possibly that
submissive receptivity is kind of gone. You know, where you're
like, yeah, just take me, do me or — it almost opens up all
of these other avenues. Yeah, I would say that
menopause is unpleasant. You know, like, we don't
talk about it in society, but it's unpleasant. But of course, it's got
its good sides as well, like, you know,
it's wonderful now that I've come through
the other side, I'm finished my menopause. It's like owning
yourself in a way. I mean, I can't stress
that high enough. I don't have
these mood swings. I feel I'm constant, you know. I feel I understand
myself better. All through your
fertile years, at times, well, I did
sort of question, "Who am I? I seem to be all
over the place." That all kind of disappears. It's a wonderful relief. There's a million
reasons why you can go through it. I know there's people
younger than me that have gone through it. And no one tells you that. I often, like, want to tell
all of my friends about it, you know. And I want them
to understand all about their hormones
and their ovulation, so that they can feel as
empowered as me by that. I feel kind of
like how I felt when I was, like,
11 or 12, 10 years old before I started
getting the hormone changes of puberty where I
just felt, like, this is me or you just feel like
I know who I am. You do feel like estrogen
was just this weird drug that you were
under the influence of, like it was a trip. And now you're coming out
the other end of this trip, and you're just looking
back going like, weird. I feel it's really
important to always speak up because there are
still many women who think that menopause is
the end of your life. Me, I'm just getting started. I got shit to do. You know, how could this
be the end of my life? You know when you were 20
and you think 50 is ancient or when you were 10 and you
think 21 is really grown up. No one knows what they're
doing, like no one. So you may as well just
live your life at any age, you know, I'm not
lying down for it. [LAUGHTER]
It’s been 6 years of horror.
Beautiful and much needed. Love these women.
9 years and not seeing an end in sight. I hope to maybe have a time when the hot flashes end, when the body realigns, because it is a living hell
This was amazing, thanks so much for sharing. I love the idea that after the menopause it's like being 10 years old again, because we don't have the hormone rollercoaster! I'm holding out for that :-)
So true. I thought I was the only one. I feel almost like an electrical buzz before a migraine or a hot flash. The hot flashes are the worst three times this week I woke up soaked. And the migraines and excessive bleeding I can’t wait until I can feel 11 again lol 😂
The part where she talks about finishing menopause is like returning to being 10,11,12 before estrogen was honestly like the most hopeful thing I’ve heard in a long time.
It's a beach it is I hate it don't like it & wish it would just go away lol the hot flashes are the worst 😫
Tears that I didn't know were there are falling. I loved this, thank you so much for posting ♥️
Thank you, this is so good! I am vexed that they do not share more about each artist. I checked many places & came up blank.