What is the perfect 2nd Date? - James Marshall answering student question #AskTheNaturals 032

hi there it's james marshall for ask the naturals time with a question from an old client of mine i remember well how you doin reece the question is what is the perfect second date so I'm gonna keep that as like an aside and then he asked a specific thing about him which is I live 30 minutes away from the city the goal is 40 minutes away from the city our first date was in the center and we both drove separate cars right so let's look at that from his perspective and your perspective I'm going to address the second part of the question first which is around his specific logistics which is that he and the girl both live away from the center of the city so away from the kind of dating locations the cafes and the bars and restaurants and parks and whatever that you would normally kind of meet up to have your initial dating so the issue here is that he's thinking are we met we both drive our cars we met in the city and we did that so what are we going to do next time are we going to both do that again and then how how am I going to get this girl home do you see the question and there's a couple of ways to look at this the first is that on a big level it may be worth starting to reconsider your living situation and of course I know this is not always a practical thing for everyone there's its financial or whatever constraints involved but for myself I always made sure that even when I was a totally broke musician I was more broke than you promised that my priority was living in a situation that was close enough to a good part of the city that my logistics weren't gonna be an issue so that man I moved from many different cities I lived in I don't know I lived in 20 cities now and I've always no matter what my financial situation was made sure that I made certain sacrifices in order to be able to be central and we deal with quite a lot of clients who are still living at home especially Asian guys Indian guys can often still be living at home even though they're there working full-time and they're doing that because they're thinking oh you know I'm going to save up for a house or I need to you know do do my parent's right or whatever and I always say dudes you need to move the out of home if you're a 25 year old two thirty year old guy and you're living at home then you're severely disadvantaged and I know in some countries it's very normal some aging countries and more traditional societies it's normal to do that okay maybe that's just what people have to do because of their are their obligations but if you're living in the West we're living in in a kind of progressive country staying at home with your parents is the death of your sex life and it's also the death of your independence if you don't know how to cook for yourself clean for yourself make your own bed wash your clothes and just actually do the functions of being an adult male then you're not a particularly attractive prospect to women who are looking for a man not a boy so firstly move out at home even though even if that means living in a shitty cher house even if it means a major downgrade in your kind of lifestyle you're like external living conditions it's worth it it's better to just have a single mattress on the floor in a shitty chair house with a candle and a chamber pot than it is to be living in your parents nice house way out in the suburbs and being dependent on them and be under their rules and that's what I did I moved out very young at 16 and I literally lived on a mattress that I found on the street which had Springs sticking out of it so that I had to like angle my body in weird positions to avoid the springs when I slept at night and I lived on lentils and you know cheap as food and I got laid heaps because I was the one me and the two guys that moved out of home were the only guys that had a place to take golf all right so that's the first thing look at your logistics if you're living a long way away from where the city is where people can go to date then it is going to be more difficult for sure alright so if that's a short term or a midterm goal it's definitely worth figuring out okay how do I move to the center of the town or am i living in a tiny little city or a very very conservative City where this is just not going to work and there are some sometimes in many places systemic limitations to what is possible because it's not okay to approach girls on the street because you're living in a village with a thousand people or or even a small town of 20,000 people where there's just not enough traffic of girls to really get good at this this is something that you will need to consider in the long term if you want to get really good at this all right so that's that's on the big level like life planning stages of things but okay let's say we're taking the situation as it is the reality is you're both living away from the city and how do we get to get get together what I would say is you did the right thing the first time all right you organized to both invest to come to somewhere essential but for the second date try to get her to come to your place all right or to go or you go to her place and this is can seem like wow this is a big jump this is pretty presumptuous but you'll be surprised what you'll get away with when you ask well the way that you make an offer of this sort can mean that the goal will often do it now I don't want to say look okay last time when we both drove 45 minutes can you know you come over to my house so we can have sex because that's more convenient I would phrase it in a way that would be more along the lines of hi how you doing I'm James what's your name are you gonna keep walking or you want to talk you and me where this is going you're gonna walk and walk out it walk out of my life forever you're not on a time crunch you're on holiday do you want to go on a date eh don't answer for hole it's just her relationship so yeah it was a yes okay so how do I ask a girl to come over to my house because this can totally be done now I remember there was a time when I was experimenting with doing this in the first date and I discovered that it sometimes the girls would come over I would say hey I'm gonna cook a lasagna doing to come over and share it with me or I'm you know watching movies you wanna come over and girls would do that there's surprisingly often but I kind of stopped doing that and maybe I could try again because I that was a long time ago but I remember at the time when I was trying it girls would sometimes come over have dinner but having the kind of seduction location and the first date location being the same place I found at that time I found more difficult to kind of transition to like okay you came over we made dinner and they were sitting down and we have dinner and then how do I make a move because it's like we're in the in the house and so it's all too much happening maybe that was probably just my mind sets at the time which which I was like oh it's a bit awkward I need kind of a I need to move step by step through some things but I found that if I had the first date simple coffee go for a walk at a juice have a drink whatever and then the second date I said hey like I'm you know I'm cooking something and that would be my thing that I would often do another reason to be an independent male to learn how to look after yourself learn how to cook a salad a lasagna a pastor a simple dish a set like just learn four dishes that look kind of impressive because there's a bit of feta cheese and some like pine nuts and a bit of rocket on it girls girls are impressed easily by rocket and pine nuts because it looks like something that happens in a fancy cafe get your four dishes down and then girl to come over and if you're going to do that as another little aside get her to bring something alright if you're inviting a girl over for dinner or for some or just to come over and like watch a movie say hey can you grab can you grab a bottle of wine or can you bring over some ice cream get her to invest something in it it's a little thing because then it's it's more of this even thing where I'm putting in you're putting in rather than I'm trying to impress you that's that's kind of a general rule relates to the seductive economy talk about too much right now so that's that's the way that's the way that I would handle your specific issue of logistics of the these time constraints that you have is try to get her to come and meet you at the seduction location use a not an excuse but it's like use a other reason which is movie you've got to pull at your house there's a there's a parking nearby we can go for a walk whatever to get her to come to your place now relating back to the first part of your question which is what is the perfect second date and this is a really good question because I don't think people think about this so much they think dates are just dates right so the first date you only ask you to go on a coffee second date you go on you have another coffee or first date you go and you have a drink at a bar second date you're gonna have another drink at a bar or right right so they don't see them as like a progression they just see it as like dates are these things you do and if I can just have to do these dates and hopefully eventually I would you get some sex and if you look at it like that like okay I did one day and I'm gonna do another one because I'm kind of clocking up time like hoping that I'm just getting sex credits by putting more time in then very commonly you'll have situations where it doesn't it fizzles right you go on one day that's the kind of they get to know you casual one you do it again and then you feel like a here we are again sort of having the same conversation or variation on the same conversation and nothing's moving anywhere and then after that that's when the girl is likely kind of just flakes off and says ah you know I'm kind of busy and she fades out right because you want to look at your dating as I said I don't have to sit in this video on a previous one but I don't I will generally not go on more than two dates with a girl if she won't come home with me after the second maybe third if she's really hot or you know I've just or I've got plenty of other things going on and I feel like investing I will do another one but generally after two I'm like I'm out so the reason that I'm able to make it that work most of the time is because I don't look at it as like a date and then another date and then another date I look at his first date the point of this is to flirt to touch to spend some time together to get it comfortable with me to gauge the sexual tension and maybe it's quite at that it seems appropriate like hey do want to come hang at my place and she's like oh okay I really shouldn't you know I got work in the morning which is her way of saying I need another before I have sex with you and so cool all right then I'll send her home first dates I won't spend more than two hours with a girl take a home or Center home don't spend four hours thinking that more time equals better chances then the second day I will try to make that a different kind of vibe let's say I met the girl on Sunday I got a number I see her on Tuesday and we have the coffee in a walk I got a go to kiss her she doesn't kiss me but she says she really wants to see me again okay so I'm getting that like yes she wants to take a little slower but she's she's interested so then I sent her a message on Thursday and I say hey hey I'm had a had a stressful day I want to go and have a whiskey after work how's about we meet 7:00 I know a good place near mine all right so what I'll do is I I set it up and don't write that down is like a thing to do I'm just said that off the top of my head but the gist of that is the the agenda behind that is okay now went from like friendly juice or coffee to evening with a whiskey and like letting off steam and it's near where I live all right now where I'm in Budapest I have if it's with my girlfriend or if it's alone I have there's a couple of bars that are just near my place that I always meet the girl right now hello how you doing you know very nice yeah where I meet the girl because it's logistically very simple to get the girl home and I tell her that it's near my place right because if the girl was like gonna go hang on near his place I don't want anything to do with that kind of thing then she'll make an excuse and she'll leave and then in which case cool I'll let it go because I don't want to around whereas if she's like okay cool I'll come to that place that's new your place then she's saying to me yeah I'm totally open to the possibility of going home with you doesn't mean she's absolutely going to I could still it up she could still decide she hates me but she's a she's thinking okay cool I'll go and have a drink with him near his place and see what happens that's a good thing to do so that's the that's the general answer to your question have a think about the progression I will often make have a goal like I have a simple kind of friendly date and then on the weekend I'll contact a girl for an evening date yeah or I'll tell her to come over new my place or or then I'll invite her over to my place for you know to come and have some have some food or watch a movie or sit on the balcony or whatever it is that you've got at your place play chess I've done that before I've invited girls over to like play a game of Connect four and we'll Scrabble or something where it's like yeah okay she knows that she's coming over to your house and you've already been on dating your kiss that it's not a just a friendly innocent thing but having some kind of activity or some reason to come over can be a way that she can justify it she doesn't have to think too hard about it there's the answer to your question first date is preparation six second date is progression don't think of it like just filling in time from the neck first thing to the next thing think of it as this is moving somewhere it's moving towards a physical relationship that's the whole point of going on a date this is James Marshall I'm gonna go until today girl [Music]

Channel: The Natural Lifestyles

Views: 25,611

Rating: 4.7450199 out of 5

Keywords: Seduction advice, Sex tips, Relationship advice, How to get a girlfriend, best PUA, daygame, james marshall, The Natural Lifestyles, pickup advice, daygame infield footage, #askthenaturals, askthenaturals

Id: jsUsPbtz8yc

Length: 13min 15sec (795 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 25 2017