What is a story that you want to tell but can’t find the right thread? r/AskReddit | Reddit Jar

our /al screwed it what is a story that he wanted tell but can't find the right ask read it one day after sending my gf home after our date my car ran into some major engine trouble not far from her place smoke coming out from under the hood kind of trouble it was quite late already and no mechanic I know is going to take the call so I called her and asked if I could stay the night her dad showed up on his bike to pick me up the next morning I awoke to my car at her doorstep her dad had went back to where my car broke down on the side of a highway in the dead of night and worked through till dawn to get it fixed I think I may have just gotten her parent's approval I had a pet chicken that would casually have what seemed to be sexual relationships with pigeons a squirrel gave me a take on birds have shit on my pizzas twice when I was younger I had a ladybug pillow pet when pillow pets were somehow the rage back then I was once in the airport waiting for a flight that got delayed and I put my ladybug on top of my suitcase there was another much younger kid also at the gate and he took notice of my pillow pet his mom asked me if I could let him borrow it to play and I gave her the go-ahead the kid was immediately ecstatic and started throwing the ladybug up in the air to catch it he was overall just having a fun time playing while I watched my dad and I went to walk around the airport to find a place to eat before boarding call and when we came back we found the kid sleeping on the seats while resting his head on the pillow pet his mom thanked us for letting her son play with my plush and when we were called to board she gave back the pillow to me so I could use it for the flight I hate waiting at the airport and having to deal with the occasional and friendly traveler but whenever I go to the air Court and have a bad time I sometimes think about the one kid whose boredom I killed by letting him borrow my pillow pet I was talking to my school's security guard and he asked me a question and I inadvertently asked are you talking to me and he confusedly replied yes with a smile and at that moment I wanted to just excuse myself for the rest of my life as I had forgotten that he's cross I I felt so bad because he is genuinely a nice guy and I felt like a bitch afterwards I work at a lumber outlet my second day on the job my boss calls me over to introduce me to someone at first I thought it was a new employee so I said welcome to the team then I realized my mistake we laughed and started chatting this man started telling us about different cultures and how most people would consider LA to be overcrowded but have never been to India so their frame of reference is skewered then he started talking about eating crickets for protein and how he hates the beef industry then he took off in his Tesla which had a turn hitch attached to it I mentioned to my boss how cool it was to see a Tesla with a towing bull on it and he said do you realize who that was I said no and he proceeded to tell me that this guy was Bryan Thompson a man who acted in movies with Sylvester Stallone Arnold Schwarzenegger and most importantly to me played Buffalo Bill enjoyed honors it was the happiest day of my life an accomplished actor came to our humble lumberyard and I mistook him for a new employee after high school I worked for a short time in a grocery warehouse in the refrigerator freezer section I would drive around on a motorized pallets Jack grabbing boxes of foods to be put on a truck and sent to grocery stores in the region but one day I missed one whole section of my pick list the ice-cream section by the time we realized my mistake the truck was already gone my boss told me to put the items into a cold box and fill it with dry ice and then drive it to the store in a van no problem it was a long and boring Drive on the old country roads so I turned up the radio and started singing along when it started raining I put up the windows and continued on the monotony of the drive really started getting to me and I got really sleepy after a while I felt myself slipping off into sleep so I pulled over off the road I decided to get out and stretch and really was fumbling to even find the door handle I finally got it open and stepped out as soon as I got out I was wide awake and fully alert it dawned on me that I was slowly as fixating myself in a co2 rich atmosphere from the dry ice so I opened up the windows and continued my drive my friends and I was skipping our exam and went to the bones locker room and decided as females that my friend was going to pee in the urinal as we chanted why T do i t do i t this teacher who was later fired for impregnating a student walks in and juts awkwardly screamed sorry and leaves sure law my freshman year of university we had an I'm football team and we were straight trash I'm talking blown out every game without scoring a single point all year trash anyways last game of the year we are down like 35 or something points with time dwindling but somehow the other team had busted coverage that allowed our guide to get down the field and score a TD our team went freakin nuts like it was 1999 guys on the sidelines running on the field guys hugging like we had won the Super Bowl guys diving on top of the dude who scored I'm talking like last-second victory in the championship game of their inspirational football movie celebration refs were just other students and the other team was pretty chill so they basically let us finish up our wild celebration and kill like two minutes of the running clock celebrating we ended up losing like 30 5-7 or whatever but it was still one of the greatest moments of my freshman year because of how stupid it was when I was like seven I was making a cake from the other room I saw my chubby lil cat sitting on the couch I heard some quiet murmur from under her butt and then a Keshia song started playing turns out she sat on my iPod and somehow told Siri to play Keshia I can never find a question that needs this story as an answer edit I'm 14 and the cake was very delicious edit - I asked my mom and I was 10 when this happened not seven I worked for a phone company call center and once time I had a conversation with a customer who insisted that all the premium rate chat line numbers on the bill were incorrectly charged I explained that the billing doesn't work that way but they insisted and were really argumentative she insisted neither she nor her husband were interested in adult services and refused to pay the bill I ended up going over to the special phone we had for these issues and darling the first number off the bill a recording of a sexy lady's voice over the top of the sound of the rolling C's seductively asked me hi would you like to ride my chorus achey . i immediately put the phone down then dialed the next number the same sound of the waves then hi would you like to ride my suzuki full stop each number was exactly the same sexy chat but each number was a different brand of mentor bike i went back to the customer and said is there anyone in the house that likes motorbikes the lady spoke very quickly and said thanks very much you've been very helpful and hung up immediately one day I was at school and walked into a bathroom in a middle school ah but we used the same bathrooms as the elementary kids I walk in and see this little kid peeing inside a cone he had the cone upside down so the tip was on the toilet in the bottom he stuck his peepee in I walked in and he had the nerves to say sup dude so I responded with a SUP it was so hard not to burst of laughter I survived a cancer with a four percent survival rate and am part of the 40% of Serbia's that ice and handicapped or some shit not much but it's a small story about how out of touch with reality I am when I wake up so I have an alarm set on my phone for 11 a.m. every morning I also have an old alarm in my room that's like half a minute behind I woke up one morning and looked at my alarm clock and saw that it was 10:59 and thought to myself no point in going back to sleep my alarm is about to go off dot my alarm was going off already that's why I was awake it took me half a minute to realize this when my alarm had 11:00 and I still didn't notice my alarm going off my brother's teacher at school took twenty students on a geography trip one student got stuck in the mud the teacher didn't notice just drove off about 40 minutes later did the head count and realized one kid was missing drove back found him chilling in the mud hold him out with his own tie the kid lost a shoe rather than driving back to school he took all of them to the pub and bought him all the pint it's not great but the students probably wouldn't have snitched the teacher then huddled everyone together and took a selfie with everyone raising their beer sent it to the deputy head in the UK by the way my dad is a firefighter/paramedic and he teaches CPR and First Aid classes every time he teaches a CPR fart class and gets to the section about choking in the Heimlich maneuver he tells this story about me when I was a toddler for some reason I was very prone to choking on my food idk if I ate too fast or what but it was a constant problem after the third time that my dad had to hold me upside down and hit my back to unblock my airway the Heimlich equivalent for babies and toddlers I had figured out how to do it on my own somehow I was around 2 years old maybe less one time my mom ran back into the kitchen where I had been eating in my high chair cuz she heard me choking and I was hanging upside down from my feet forcing myself to cough and I got the piece of hotdog out on my own and just climbed back into the high chair and kept eating like nothing happened my parents use it to say I was a smart baby but I disagree if I were smart I would have been more careful eating my food a couple of years ago I was assigned to do a presentation about the brain a community that was supposed to have happened in an annual gaming convention here in my city however that year the convention was canceled back then I was very disappointed nowadays I'm just glad crying makes me so uncomfortable doesn't matter who it is family friend or stranger most people's responses to console the cry but I just want to leave I feel like an asshole but I can't help it I started watching the dirt a movie about motley crew on Netflix partway through I text my oldest friend who was my fellow crew junky back in junior high and told her I was watching the movie and it made me think of her I hadn't seen her in five years and she moved 2000 miles away she texts me back that she was also watching the same movie at the exact same time not only that but we were at exactly the same spot in her movie weirdest coincidence ever and I hadn't even known this movie existed until my boyfriend told me about it that day quite recently I realized that I am NOT passionate about anything is there a way I can find other people like me who aren't passionate about anything edit I think I should add that I don't have depression I like more than one thing instead of being passionate about just one thing this happened today actually we have a regular customer come into the coffee shop I work at today I saw him come in the door while serving a customer I turned to my boss and asked her to make his coffee by the time she had made it he was at the front of the line and I just handed in his coffee he looked at me confused and asked what it was it's your coffee I saw you walk in he was all smiles complements the good service pays takes his coffee and grabs a seat Tsuru one day me and my dad were driving home from a car show we liked going to em a while ago and we were in his Challenger and on the highway we were going about 90 stroked 100 mph ish and of course we get pulled over and the officer asks my dad for his license and my dad gives it to him but suddenly I just see a black Lambo looking car fuckin zoom by and then the cop looks at my dad and hands him his listens back and says have a nice night and fuckin zooms after that guy edit Holly shit 2.7 K goddamn a lot of ppl have had similar stories to this year a vending machine got jammed mid snack drop then laughed at me turns out pushing the coin Return button on this one we start for digital have a nice day dialogue scroll so every time I mashed it repeatedly in frustration it was trying to scroll the message but all I saw was hahahahaha after my first year at university I was on vacation and a little drunk so I decided to send the university a postcard saying how much I liked the first year that I was looking forward to the next semester and as a suggestion for the canteen I said I'd like to have some liver and blood sausage traditional German food on the menu I didn't think much about it and thought it had probably only make it to some Clark when the semester started I got an email from the Dean he wanted to talk to me I had already forgotten the postcard so I had absolutely no idea what he wanted went to his office he was sitting there with the university psychologist holding a clipboard to take notes I sat down he was very friendly and after some small talk he brought up my postcard I was surprised it made it all the way to the dean's office and asked what about it he said that some law professors that saw the card were concerned about it because apparently I forgot to mention liver sausage and ended my vacation greetings with only I wish for blood sausage on the menu if they thought I wanted to attack the University back in elementary our librarian had a pet snake forget what kind but it was one of the ones that doesn't fuck you up yeah know what I mean and so the class went to the library to see the stupa snake she said we could all pet it but we couldn't touch it said easy no problem right so everyone's petting the dumb snake and it finally gets to me and I completely forgot what the fuck she said and my dumb bust touched that snake's head and she pulled him back and said up you lost your touch and I felt so sick to my stomach I froze I was so embarrassed my teacher was shaking her head my friends laughed my crush laughed fucking snake probably laughed I just wanted someone to say it's okay you Fulton homes but that didn't happen and I'll never forget it I once broke my leg by jumping off a ladder onto her inflatable dummy and it was a hairline fracture so it hurt like hell fire but my parents made me walk around on it for weeks before they realized it wasn't just a bad sprain not so much a story but an admission over the past four plus months I've become an severe alcoholic every time I have a panic feeling or there's a problem my mind goes to a bottle of white zinfandel I'm drunk right now I'll admit my problems of people but not the full extent of it how I had the feeling of being sober I'm sorry my college girlfriend at four point five years cheated on me two years ago and I took her back after three months of a breakup eight months later she did it again and I ended it for good it's now been a little over a year and I found out so much more through other people like how much she's lied to me how much of a stranger she was to me and how well she's doing now I'm still struggling with the fallout and I've noticed the trust issues emerging so I've stopped dating I don't know what to do found a booger in my chest hair it wasn't a booger it was a la vie it was the Mother's Day the school which my lil bro Gault's made a trip to a local mall to buy gifts a group of kids went in a beauty store with the teacher my dude says he saw pretty colorful box and took it later that day back in school when the teachers were checking the gifts they realized he bought a lubricant they told him that he can gift this and that he should return this he first resisted and hid the receipt but in the end they took it away a friend of mine got really drunk one night and she was gonna sleep over at my other friend's house before going to sleep she took off all her clothes went to the kitchen where my other friend's mom was preparing breakfast and grabbed three spoons from a dryer then she climbed into bed with my friends also naked dad and fell asleep the best part is she can't remember any of it and since she's still good friends with this other girl and therefore we'll have to keep seeing her parents she's asked us to never tell her what happened cause she's not ready to feel that embarrassed not long ago I helped a couple of random people at all was just a generally kind person throughout the day helped an elderly person get to their train platform let a father and his son have the last two sausage rolls allowed another elderly couple to take the last spot on a tram gave up my tram seat on the next tram to the young mother helped a disabled person struggling to get to the front of a merch line much to the frustration of other people trying to push in not through any intentional means or for anything else except for being a good person finally got back to my hotel room that night ordered a kebab through ubirr eats and got double meat and small chips for free I guess it was a good karma I saved someone's life and as a result they saved mine I was out for night walk with a friend and saw her on the wrong side of the railing on a bridge I talked her down while my friend called police I was holding her in my arms when the police and ambulance showed up it was at a time where I was in a dark place and helping her and seeing her in such a situation was enough for me to realize I needed help hi a much better place now and I hope she is too the worst thing about this whole post is that you can't expect what's gonna happen is it a cute wholesome story is it a traumatic experience is it something you never wanted to know you don't know I was a young teenager in the 90s my tools were a VCR and blank tape a Super Nintendo Entertainment System with Mario Paint premium cable and the Sunday newspaper if you looked at the movies on TV section of the newspaper it told you ratings I hunted for the words strong sexual content and would find my movies over the course of a year I made a mixtape of sex scenes from all sorts of movies when that got old and I didn't want to watch spice channel through Scrambler bars anymore I resorted to making porn with Mario Paint yes I jerked off to it edit guys this was like 1993 I don't have the game anymore it wasn't very good but when you are 13 you don't need it to be very good this is not that I can't find the right one it's that apparently I am incapable of getting the posting rules right they get removed every single time so while I just post it here in these comments my husband lost his job he's very depressed about it chose not to tell many people and come to find out his arms whose BFFs with his ex boss took it upon herself to blab to his parents I want to rip her a new one but not sure if it's worth it advice I got attacked by a barred owl last year it scratched me pretty good when I was a child I wanted my inside care to have kittens my mom told me she would have to go outside so every morning I held her on my lap for a few minutes outside hoping she would get pregnant edit clarity my cousin used to play in the NFL one game he gave us family passes so we could meet up with him in the players family tent after the game watch the game went down there and I had to pee I remember I had passed a security guard when we arrived in the area and went back to that spot to see if they could tell me where a bathroom was because I couldn't find anyone else that worked there the security guard was nowhere to be found and I really had to pee so I followed a long hallway back and the only thing at the end of the hallway was a set of giant double doors I opened one and started walking into the locker room looked up saw some of the players changing one or two in towels and definitely a couple with everything hanging out I'm just this little 5 feet 2 inches female that wasn't even wearing a jersey from their team I had a Pro Bowl jersey own of a player from a different team and I walked right on into an NFL locker room like it was my business to be in there and then I walked right on out never told my cousin and never told anyone in my family was definitely super embarrassed at the time now it's just funny when I was 2 my mom started to potty train me things were going pretty well and I got to wear normal underwear well while wearing normal underwear I was running around the house she sat on the sofa watching TV suddenly I froze she looked over at me and I looked her dead in the eye then I spread my legs then I fucking pissed all over myself in the floor all without saying a single word when I ensler was backpacking in Spain I met another backpacker who was half Romanian half Argentinean I happen to know three national anthems those two plus my own country's the look on his face when I sang him both of his national anthems was priceless and I have never been so proud as I was in that moment I called a person with the same name as me say Emily not my real name our conversation went huh hello this is Emily me yes very long pause huh what me oh sorry hello my name is Emily - and then I dive inside my uncle wants to meet a bargaining when I was about five or six he brought along his friend in his friend's son and we were having a good time and we decided to make our way fully up the hill we were only going from about halfway before on top of the hill we found a bathtub and went to bargaining in it I wasn't sure if this was just a dream or not until I told my mom about it assuming it was a dream and she confirmed it actually happened if you want to give nothing in return you can like and join my discord there is a link in the description

Channel: Reddit Jar

Views: 70,535

Rating: 4.8987012 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/AskReddit

Id: nCZQ-tUAO3U

Length: 23min 38sec (1418 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 21 2019