WHAT I HEARD DURING MY COMA | TheFamilyHood

hi everyone it's just me today because i am doing the first episode where i'm answering your questions about what's happened my coma or of those kinds of things in the first video that we uploaded kind of giving a rundown on everything it was quite um a matter-of-fact video which was intentional so we could get through the video we kind of skipped over the emotions and i guess going in depth you know being away from cyprus all the really really like heavy stuff obviously the content in general was quite heavy but it was very surface level i just didn't want to be an emotional wreck basically however in this video i might be an emotional wreck i'm also strategically hiding are washing does anyone else just constantly have washing i don't understand that washing basket looks like that all the time anyway this is my truth and this is my experience is how i view things but just be mindful when you're watching this obviously this is through my perspective i got loads of questions so i'm definitely gonna do this in parts um but this is numero uno do you still believe you manifest everything in your life sure answer yes long answer would be i believe i'm i'm capable me personally of creating anything and everything in my life good and bad i have obviously gone through hell um and like deep trauma but the blessings that have come from that the lessons that have come from that the perspectives that have changed because of that the love i feel for people like everything that has come from basically dying has been astonishing and what i saw which we'll get into um in other questions in my coma solidified you know the spiritual realm and energy um and the subconscious mind as well so i still believe in manifestation probably even more deeply now but i believe in the power of the tongue and before i got here i kept saying i just want to rest i just want to rest i want to be looked after and then i was in a state of rest um and obviously i was looked after for months and months and months by nurses and doctors and that isn't to say that i think people deserve negative experiences i'm not saying that at all but for me personally i know that if i can manifest all the good things in my life that i can manifest the hard times too i know people sometimes get really offended by like manifesting and kind of um that dialogue but that's honestly personally what i believe my stepmom was in a coma and so she heard us did you hear things in the room how do i explain this at the time no so i don't remember hearing anything around me um apart from obviously i was hearing things actually in the dreams i was having however when i woke up um weeks later one of my nurses she was asian and she put on um some like i think it was like flute music and i was stopped in my tracks and was like i heard this song in my dream but it was part of my dream in the dream um but it was actually being played in the real world if that makes sense and it was um chinese bamboo flute music and in my coma it was um a nursery rhyme um when i was flying in malaysia um and yeah so i think you do hear things but it's not for me i didn't know that i was hearing things but i didn't hear people speaking um or anything like that do you have any sort of flashbacks or memories pop up i do have them now not as intense and not as not as triggering um and just not as difficult before i was trying to work out what was in my dreams what was in real life what i'd been told what i had personally felt it was very very confusing and i think that um i was trying to make sense of something that just couldn't be made sense of like it's so hard you're in this really weird um dimension you're on hard hard drugs um and obviously you've had a lack of oxygen so you are um basically yeah i've had plenty of flashbacks i've had to ask lee um did this actually happen did i imagine this in my coma dream i was going through horrendous trauma in the actual dream um and there were like bad people in my dream and when i was when i woke up um i was still being stated in the night time so i was just in and out of like sedation basically um and this is in february so although my my kind of conscious reality memories started in march and i tweeted march 8th i actually woke up weeks before that but i just don't really remember much i was hallucinating the people in my dreams were next to me in hospital that was quite difficult i only really actually remembered that a few weeks ago so yeah i've have plenty and they can be really difficult how has your experience impacted your spirituality physically i don't like do many spiritual things at the moment i haven't got back into my rituals that much just because of being a mum just being very busy but also feeling a slight disconnect as well i don't meditate every single day like i used to all the kind of spiritual things i used to really do and really rely on i don't anymore but it's impacted me in a really positive way as well so i 100 know that god is real because i saw a being that presented himself as godly to me i believe now he was archangel raphael i would not have survived without god the doctors my nurses everyone was saying to me like we can't actually believe that one you've woken up and you are so cognitively aware no brain damage no remnants of what's happened everyone i'm not drinking every one of my nurses and my doctor said they prayed for me um and obviously like you guys were praying for me everyone was praying for me people that even believe in god were praying for me and i just know that god is real i i can't even explain it but it's just a knowing in me i knew it before but it was always like oh this is just my truth but now it feels like no this is the truth in a negative way maybe not negative but just in a way i didn't really expect was that i'm questioning a lot because people often say oh they're at peace now like when they're passing over and obviously i passed slightly and then came back but i wasn't at peace i felt like i was in hell i flew in my dreams i saw like angel raphael in my dreams i experienced like a ton of stuff in my dreams that were incredible but there was also the darkest of moments in my dreams i didn't feel at peace ever i get really funny now when people when someone passes away and someone says oh they're at peace now and i mentioned that to lee and he said but you didn't actually pass over you were on your way there and then you came back um which makes me feel a lot better because there is this guilt and like shame with how i feel i hope that makes sense i'm trying to like just say my truth and not care what people think but it is kind of hard because it's such a traumatic experience did you meet god what was it like and how did it change you when i first woke up um i thought i met god and i i felt like i did meet a god um but now when i think about it again i definitely think it was archangel raphael because it was a really really really um big green figure and when i say like big i mean it was so big that like his eye was here but his eye was here like he covered the whole sky um and he was black he had dreadlocks um but he was a luminous green he was telling me about the caribbean and lots of different things basically he said to me you cannot die he gave me energy and said like go back now i was like yeah yeah that i have carried with me is that um i'm going to live a long life i'm filled with this energy from archangel raphael he came to me in my darkest hour and said like you go back now and the memory is very fleeting but i know it to be real like i know that's what i saw when you go through something like this you do feel like you're mental it's just mad how do you feel about covid now i.e no restrictions no masks after your experience so this might be a surprise for some people covid is only a small part of this whole experience for me you know being away from my family being away from my baby and i don't like taking medicine or drugs i just don't having to deal with that having to advocate for myself in hospital and having to learn to walk again there's so much of this journey that i don't actually think about covid that much it's obviously the reason i got ill and hospital it wasn't mentioned that much either like barely is such a massive thing that's impacted the whole world and obviously it's impacted my personal world so much i can't let it make me live in fear i can't oh my god why am i getting upset i can't let it like control me i'm exempt from wearing a mask um because of my lungs being restricted i feel like i can't breathe i'm the kind of person where i just think like people will make up their own decisions about what they want to do wearing masks or whatever i just can't really let it bother me i did have anxiety um about going out but that wasn't because of coving it was just about being around people having my scar on show my voice being different um because when i first started speaking again my voice was a lot quieter and even more deeper and like raspy all the emotions and all of the trauma hasn't for me necessarily been linked directly to covid but just the world in itself and kind of my own perspective and my own um trauma because i had ptsd before this happened and then this happened and obviously it's now ten times worse i just think like if you live in fear and if you constantly worry then what was the point in coming back to and to live again now i'm here and i'm alive i want to really live and that's how i'm viewing it obviously like in a safe way i want people to be safe but all in all my anxiety around everything is kind of dwindling do you believe you visited heaven no i feel like i visited outside of heaven obviously i don't know what part of my dream happened when i went into cardiac arrest like we'll never know that but i think it was probably when i was either flying or when i saw archangel raphael but who knows if i had let go in my dream i was asked to let go or to hold on and i was like i'm holding on i've got a son um if i had let go i think i would have gone and not come back did you know that you would wake up eventually i gave them consent apparently to go into a coma and obviously i was in hospital beforehand i had cyprus and i was awake and whatever but when i was in my dreams i didn't remember any of that i was dreaming but i knew i wasn't dreaming i couldn't wake up from it um [Music] and i knew that it would go on for a long time because there were so many facets to this dream i went to so many places in the stream there were so many people in my dream um so i didn't actually know i was sleeping to know that i needed to wake up or i was going to wake up but i think my highest self maybe knew i was going to wake up what i want to also mention is that i am not special um what's happened to me has happened to a lot of other um pregnant mothers um and a lot of us have woken up i've had icu nurses message me about patients um obviously that no names are involved um i've connected with other women who have gone through what i've gone through and there must be some sort of motherly instinct to make us wake up all of us were on the brink of death some of us did die um and came back and currently there's no physical issue with my organs um with anything and i just can't believe it i just can't like how what were your first thoughts waking up again so when i first woke up i don't really remember i just remember being hot i had a fever temperature um numerous infections i was it was just horrific and i obviously could move at some points even the machine was saying i could breathe i felt like i couldn't breathe um so the first few weeks i felt like well hell but i know that i was asking for lee asking for cyprus i was on facetime every day and i recovered physically quite quickly with this arm because i would try and text everyone facetime people and to get my brain working i would remember numbers and the passcode to my phone um and that's kind of really helped me get back to like being me how was transition back to eating solid food what did you crave the most so i was put on a feeding tube and unfortunately the staff and dietitians didn't know that i can't really eat dairy so that made me very very ill so i was on that um obviously when i was in a coma i was just on that when i woke up i was throwing up quite a lot and they couldn't work out why um and i was saying to them it was probably the drugs um i i've basically gone from not taking any medication my whole life shaking like loads um and then we worked out that my feed had dairy in it um eventually when um like they felt like i could swallow properly you've got to do like a swallow test the tube came out and then i got put on high calorie shakes basically they have darian so i throw those up and was like guys this is not on and then the juice ones were rank so basically i just refused to eat anything um until yeah the tube was out and i could have soft foods so i started eating things like like um slightly in things like pasta mac and cheese really buttery toast um with that peanut butter on i lost a lot of weight um so they prescribed me loads of peanut butter mini cheddars eventually and just things that i really like to to eat but i wasn't eating very much and i don't think my eating came back really until about june july i couldn't just eat a lot basically um and i haven't been fussed by food ever since like i love food and you know i eat healthy amounts and um i was signed off by my dietitian but i just don't [Music] think about food ever but i woke up basically craving just drink because obviously a temperature um a fever and i was getting liquid through an iv because i was so thirsty so all i wanted was ribena and capri sun which um both had vitamin c in i clearly was craving vitamin c and that is honestly i drank garlands i had 12 of each in the fridge and i'd have them every day and they were ice cold and oh my god like the nurses were like here she goes again with her capri sun's obsessed and then it was tuna sandwiches don't ask why chicken of rice as well so yeah this is the last question for this video um because there's just loads of questions i'm really happy that actually i haven't had a meltdown has it changed your outlook on life thank you for sharing your experience it has i'm not gonna lie it wasn't always like oh i'm so happy to be alive i love everyone it wasn't that for the first month two months i was just in crisis overwhelmed with what happened couldn't believe that i died couldn't believe that i'd missed cyprus's life just overwhelmingly hard and i remember thinking um i remember thinking at one point that i i wished i didn't wake up because i was so so so sad like in crisis my ptsd was just crazy and they say that icu patients are so depressed like it's like a thing i was so so depressed obviously i just had a baby it it was um it was basically um and it took me a while to actually be be really grateful to be alive because i was just so angry and i wanted to fight everyone and i was just thinking why me and i went through all of that like all the victim mindset i went through the anger resentment i went through all of it and i was angry at my family for being able to see cyprus and i couldn't the hardest part was not being with my baby like him wearing outfits that i hadn't put together like was so fake but honestly that's my baby but not being able to breastfeed i've been filming for so long my camera just got out and yeah i was in mourning i was that person that yeah i thought deaf they're in a better place and then this coma dream happened i i'm scared of death now i'm scared of dying mainly because i want to be alive i want to see my baby grow up i want to like go for walks i want to go swimming i want to see the world like i want to live it wasn't a quick thing it wasn't an immediate gratitude for life how could i be grateful they wasn't sure if i'd speak again if i walk again like some people have the tracking in for life and it's scary it's so scary but my baby is my world and like i i'm a good mom i know that i'm a good mum and i knew that i'd be a good mum so like being away from him was horrendous him crying i knew he was crying for me so now my outlook is like i want to live i don't want to be the girl that lived i want to be the girl that lived and i want to show people to live life and how important it is to live life like all this you're too fat for this or you're not good enough for this scared to tell people you love them scared to be vulnerable scared to be intimate like honestly like it can be taken away from you in a heartbeat in a second you can be here and then you can't so enjoy it for what you have today and just be really grateful so that is the end of this q a i have so many questions so i will be doing more of them as the weeks and months go on i won't be doing them like all the time but when i feel the need to i will but yeah thank you so much for watching thank you for all of your support doesn't go unnoticed and just lifting us up basically and just supporting us through the most difficult period of our lives which thankfully we are now you know on the the up um i will see you next time any more questions leave them below and i'll add them to the list of questions that i've got and i love you bye

Channel: TheFamilyHood

Views: 48,827

Keywords: gracie francesca, mixed race beauty fashion guru, plus size, the baby hood, first time parents, plus size pregnancy, pregnancy, motherhood, fatherhood

Id: VQwn-jFeAPM

Length: 21min 18sec (1278 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 24 2021