More than 1,500 years before the reign of
Elizabeth I of England, Cleopatra proved that women were capable of ruling nations, and
that they could do it with intelligence, grace, and sometimes brutality. But much of what we know about the queen of
the Nile comes from history that has been fictionalized, re-fictionalized, and then
fictionalized some more, so much that the made-up stuff is sometimes better-known than
the facts and the facts themselves are kind of surprising. "Weak, am I?" "She knows how to beat her slaves well enough. But she cannot throw away that pipe, and she
knows it." Not from around here If someone asked you to name an Egyptian from
ancient history, it would probably be a toss-up between King Tut and Cleopatra. For many people, these are the two historical
figures that embody ancient Egypt gilded, eye-linered, and walking around their luxurious
palaces with their hands at 90-degree angles like in that Bangles song from the '80s. But here's a funny thing: One of those two
people was not actually Egyptian. "You've gotta be f------ kidding." We're not! According to History of Macedonia, Cleopatra
was a member of the Ptolemaic Dynasty, which was descended from Alexander the Great's general,
a man named Ptolemy of Lagus. That means they not only had Greek ancestry,
they spoke Greek and followed Greek customs, too. The Ptolemys ruled Egypt for 300 years after
the nation was handed over to Ptolemy following Alexander's passing in 323 B.C. So how did Egypt wind up in the hands of a
bunch of helmet-wearing dudes from another continent? They conquered it, which was what the ancient
Greeks often did whenever they got bored. Keeping it in the family Inbreeding, as it turns out, is not just for
nasty Lannister Queens and Deliverance characters. It was practiced to some degree in pretty
much every royal family from Europe to the Middle East, but the Egyptians practically
turned it into a competitive sport. In Egyptian mythology, the god Osiris married
his sister Isis in order to maintain the purity of the royal bloodline. They were gods, so presumably genetic disorders
weren't really a problem for them. Unfortunately for the Egyptian pharaohs, who
saw the Egyptian gods as awesome role models, genetic disorders were a problem for mortals. Anyway, when the Ptolemys rose to power they
were all, "Hey, this inbreeding thing sounds like a great idea!" So by the time that got down to Cleopatra
a few hundred years later, she was a genetic soup of mish-mashed Ptolemys. In keeping with their very gross noble family
tradition, Cleopatra went on to marry both of her younger brothers. Eww. A beautiful mind Pretty much every modern and semi-modern depiction
of Cleopatra tells us she was stunningly beautiful, which frankly does seem sort of incompatible
with the whole generations of incest thing, but maybe it was a fluke. In February 2007 a coin was unearthed bearing
a portrait of Cleopatra, which appears to confirm that the queen was actually rather
ordinary-looking. The fact that ancient historians didn't say
much about her looks also suggests she was no Elizabeth Taylor, but the more important
point is that it really doesn't matter. Life of Antony, written by Plutarch in 75
A.D., made the following observation about Cleopatra: "Her actual beauty […] was not so remarkable
that none could be compared with her, or that no one could see her without being struck
by it, but the contact of her presence […] was irresistible. […] The character that attended all she
said or did was something bewitching." Turns out, Cleopatra wasn't just a shrewd
and charming diplomat, she was also a student of mathematics, medicine, alchemy, economics,
history, geography, and pretty much every general education subject you probably detested
in college. Oh and she spoke nine languages. So feel free to bring that up to your snobby
hipster friend the next time they try to order from your favorite sushi spot in Japanese. Twisted sister In Egypt it was customary for pharaohs to
rule in pairs every regent needed a co-regent of the opposite gender. According to LiveScience, Cleopatra ruled
with her father Ptolemy the Twelfth for a short time until his demise in 51 B.C. In his will, Ptolemy the Twelfth decreed that
Cleopatra should marry her 11-year-old brother, which was probably only a ceremonial thing. Either way, the two were clearly not fond
of each other and the relationship ended with Ptolemy the Thirteenth trying to wrest control
of the throne, and his sister appealing to Julius Caesar for help reining him in. "If you ally with my sister, I will kill every
last Roman in Alexandria." "Enough of the big words, little brother." Caesar and Cleopatra famously became lovers,
and Ptolemy the Thirteenth was never happy with Caesar's decision that he should rule
with his sister. Eventually Caesar defeated Ptolemy at the
Battle of the Nile, and Ptolemy drowned in the river while trying to escape. So Cleopatra was really only partially responsible
for sending her brother to a watery grave. "But wait there's more!" Because of the whole "must have a co-regent
thing," Cleopatra had to marry her other brother, who later died under "mysterious circumstances." In other words, Cleopatra had him poisoned. Then she ordered the execution of her sister
Arsinoe, who took Ptolemy's side during the family feud and at one point declared herself
queen. In conclusion, Game of Thrones is plagiarized
from Cleopatra's diary. A-scent to greatness We've already established that Cleopatra was
interested in alchemy, but she also understood a bit of actual chemistry. She believed in the power of fragrance not
just as a cosmetic but also as a tool of persuasion. According to Perfume Power, Cleopatra doused
her ship's sails with perfume before sailing to her first rendezvous with Mark Antony to
make sure that he smelled her before he saw her. She also owned a perfume factory, which sort
of seems like an odd side job for a queen, but if you just can't find the sort of mind-control
fragrances you need at the Macy's perfume counter, there's probably some value in just
having it done at your own factory. The ruins of Cleopatra's perfume factory are
located near the Dead Sea, and there is evidence that it also operated as a sort of day spa
some seating remains, which is reminiscent of the chairs you might sit in to have your
nails done or if you, too, wanted to be doused with mind-control fragrances. Born this way Many ancient rulers saw themselves as divine,
even godlike. For Cleopatra, the whole ruler-as-divine thing
was part ego, part public relations genius. "It's your universe." "And you are God." "I am God." According to scholar Elizabeth A. McCabe,
Cleopatra called herself "the new Isis," telling her subjects she was the embodiment of Isis
on Earth, or the reincarnation of the goddess. Not to be left out, Mark Antony also claimed
to be the embodiment of Osiris on Earth. Remember the whole Isis marries her brother
Osiris thing? There you go. Now, that's not to say that Cleopatra was
very dedicated to the whole Isis thing. Prior to that she was known to play whichever
goddess happened to suit her. When she sailed to that first meeting with
Mark Antony on her perfumed barge, she was dressed as the goddess Venus and was waited
on by young boys dressed as Cupids and maids dressed as sea nymphs. Antony was enamored, to say the least because,
who doesn't get all hot and bothered when their crush shows up for a first date on a
perfumed barge dressed as a deity? Reality bites One of Cleopatra's most enduring legends has
to do not with her life but with her untimely passing. According to the story, when Cleopatra learned
her forces had been defeated by Octavian Augustus, who would become the first emperor of Rome,
she killed herself by holding a venomous snake to her breast. Because historians like to debate things,
no one really definitively accepts this account of Cleopatra's death. For a start, the story indicates that it only
took a few minutes for her to die, but the venom of that particular kind of Egyptian
snake actually takes a few hours to work, and is even occasionally survivable. According to the Smithsonian, most historians
do agree Cleopatra's death was self-inflicted, but the method isn't clear. It's possible she simply drank a bunch of
poison, but that story just isn't as dramatic, which is probably why today most people still
think it was a snake. Got milk? Like pretty much every human being, Cleopatra
had an innate desire to avoid getting older. "Lines, wrinkles, and those little sunken
places? Not anymore!" Unfortunately, plastic surgeons were in short
supply in first-century B.C. Egypt, and Botox wouldn't be invented for another couple millennia. So Cleopatra had to get creative. According to legend, Cleopatra's daily bath
required a tub and 700 lactating donkeys. You heard that right! According to The Vintage News, all over the
ancient world, women used donkey milk to keep their skin pale and to keep wrinkles at bay. Emperor Nero's wife was said to travel with
"whole troops of she-asses" so she'd never have to miss her daily donkey-milk bath. And today, scientists know donkey milk has
a lot of important health benefits it can be used as a cow milk substitute for people
with allergies, and yes, it's also used in modern beauty products, just in case you don't
think you'll be able to procure yourself 700 donkeys and enough servants to milk them every
day. A woman scorned Throughout much of ancient history, women
with cheating husbands were just expected to smile happily and pretend like they weren't
feeling totally humiliated. So imagine what Julius Caesar's wife Calpurnia
must have thought when her husband erected a gilded statue of Cleopatra in the temple
of Venus Genetrix, right next to the statue of the goddess herself. This was obnoxious on a number of levels,
not just because Caesar seemed completely indifferent to how a very public statue of
his mistress would make his wife feel, but also because the Romans didn't believe their
rulers were particularly divine the way the Egyptians did. However scandalized the Roman people were
by the statue, it remained in the temple for at least 200 years. So it's possible the statue had at least some
religious significance, probably because of Cleopatra's association with the goddess Isis,
who had her own minor cult following in Rome. Invasion of the husband-snatchers Mark Antony might not have his priorities
in check. Why? Well, He skipped an entire invasion so he
could spend the winter with Cleopatra in her Alexandrian palace that's why. According to HistoryNet, in 41 B.C. Antony
assembled an army and went east, summoning client-kings in hopes of gathering resources
for a Parthian invasion. One of those client-kings was 28-year-old
Cleopatra, who said something to the effect of, "Let's make love, not war." Then Antony said something to the effect of,
"The invasion can wait" and followed her back to Alexandria, leaving his army in the hands
of his governor. To make a long story short, the Parthians
soon crossed the Euphrates River and everything pardon our French went to hell. Meanwhile, Antony's wife Fulvia had to flee
Rome after getting her butt kicked by Julius Caesar's heir Octavian. It's hard to say which is worse, being attacked
by your husband's political rival while he's off cheating on you with his Egyptian queen
mistress, or keeping your mouth shut while your husband erects a gilded statue of his
Egyptian queen mistress. If Fulvia and Calpurnia had formed a scorned
wives club, Roman history could have been a great CW series. Thanks for watching! Click the Grunge icon to subscribe to our
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