We need to talk about what's been going on...

hey everybody so I didn't even plan on making this video I was originally just going to make a community post and be done with it but I wanted to make it to be open with you guys as well as um just be transparent and talk about some things that I've been going through for the past year um physically mentally and emotionally um then I also kind of want to just sprinkle in some things that I've been really struggling with uh mental health has been such a big prevalent thing lately and I not necessarily looking for uh sympathy or anything like that what I'm hoping happens is the comment section turns into a safe and welcome space for anybody that needs to talk now I'm not a medical professional by any stretch of the imagination but I'm hoping that maybe somebody out there just wants to talk about something that they're going through I can be just a good ear um and hopefully that's a bridge or a stepping stone to you maybe finding help professionally and you just need to get some things off your chest first um maybe there's somebody out there in the comments section that has gone through something very similar to what you're going through you don't necessarily have to go through what I went through in fact there's a very statistically low percentage of that but that's what I'm hoping happens now 2023 was a rough year for me uh you'll notice that in the very first little couple months of the year everything seemed fine there was some video uploads uh and then late spring everything just sort of stopped now on Father's Day my brother and I were tossing the football back and forth it went over the fence I jumped the fence tossed the ball back went to jump back over the fence and the fence broke on me when I pushed off I came down sideways and very hard on my left leg in my left ankle and I absolutely destroyed my left ankle and when my leg gave out right after that I came down on my tailbone and just accordioned my spine and I was in just excruciating pain on the ground rolling and just yeah it it sucked it did not feel good trust me and I have prior back injuries from a car accident and I basically re-aggravated every single back injury I'd ever had I didn't even know i' hurt my ankle at the time um it was about 10 minutes or so of me just laying on the ground before I finally mustered up the courage to try moving and family members had helped me up and I went to take a step and realized real fast that nope my ankle was also in severe trauma now the fun part is obviously when you hurt your back if you've ever done it before you kind of walk around very straight after that uh you don't want to bend over or jump or do anything like that if you hurt your leg you usually kind of hop on one foot I couldn't do either I couldn't hop on one foot because every time I hopped it felt like a jackhammer to my spine and I couldn't walk because my ankle was destroyed so I ended up going to the doctor doctor sent me for x-rays nothing broken and they kicked me out the door and that was despite me trying to get more imaging done nothing ever happened at the time now for those of you that don't know the Canadian medical system right now is severely uh overcrowded um underst staffed and overworked and I feel bad for the medical professionals I can't imagine what they're going through on a daily basis the downside as a patient that sometimes some things slip through the cracks and that's pretty much what happened to me nothing was ever done further than that despite the fact that my foot was kicked to the inside because there was nothing physically attaching it to the outside of my leg as we're now finding out nothing was ever done at the time now I I'm finally going for medical imaging tests now and they're trying to find out what exactly happened turns out I had a complete tear of the outer upper ligament on my ankle a half tear of the inner upper ligament on my ankle massive trauma and damage to the soft tissue and Joints inside of the ankle itself and a slight misalignment of the bone so it wasn't good now there's already Whispers of surgery I'm hoping it doesn't come to that because if it does that's a whole another thing that's going to take even longer but that's where I'm at right now with that now the very first video back that I did was the cornhole board video that was the end of August and if you guys notice in that video I had an ankle brace on and I still have it on right now now it's been what seven eight months now and I've still got the ankle brace on because it's still not great it's still very sore it's very unstable um but yeah I ended up having to take basically the whole summer off because I just I couldn't walk I couldn't lift anything I couldn't walk I couldn't do anything um and then right after that was the next video was the shed update video and in that video If you guys watch that one I said that I was moving at the end of September and uh obviously that came and went and I still don't have a place of my own now the idea was us moving as finally going to get a garage where I could make a nice shop out of and get better tools have more space um more consistency in video uploads better projects more projects better projects better builds and overall better content for you guys that was the idea and I was excited about that hasn't happened now uh basically what happened was two weeks before we were supposed to move um I ended up going through a separation and uh that was hard and it was a 12E relationship and you know 12 years ain't nothing it was rough still rough and the uh even if I had a place at the time I did not feel like getting in front of a camera and being happy and excited and positive attitude and things like that and teach people how to do things so I was off for a little while after that obviously I'm still not really back because I still don't have a place of my own I still don't have a shop in fact I'm filming this in my brother's garage right now because I don't have a place of my own I don't have my own privacy I don't have a shop anything like that so it's it's still up in the air now that's basically where I was for 2023 that's the gist of what happened where is this going hopefully relatively soon here I'll finally have a shop of my own I do have a video maybe two I might have to I still have to film it I'm hoping I can get it done here rely soon I do have one recorded right now that I'm going to be uploading here but that's that now from a mental health standpoint ah whether it's admitted or not a big factor that came our part with the separation is uh an issue that we had a few years ago and we had tried to move forward and develop a a life without and what I'm talking about is we tried having kids and we couldn't specifically I couldn't uh so what ended up happening was we were trying for kids nothing ever happened now I mean nothing usually you get a odd false positive um you might get one that you know lasts for two three weeks a month something like that and then it washes out and it just sort of fails we had nothing not a single thing went to the doctors doctor basically told us that you know if this hasn't been going on for at least a recorded year we can't do anything so basically we had to leave and then wait a year of absolutely nothing before they would step in so we waited our year there was some good times in there there was some rough times but we finally at the end of the year felt more positive like things were going to start happening we were talking to the doctors now things were going to start progressing so they started doing a whole bunch of tests on her now they start with the female first because there's obviously a lot more things that can go wrong they found nothing nothing major that would stop a pregnancy anyways so they turned their attention to me and the very first test just threw up all the red flags in the world so I ended up getting sent to a specialist up in Saskatoon now that's two and a half hours away just to get there two and a half hours back so ended up getting sent to a specialist up there and we weren't there for 10 minutes and he had already just basically got punched me with the news that ah I can't have kids ever not normally anyway and at the time I tried to not let that get to me specifically because we we were dealing with it together and it was it was rough to hear that something that you both want you know obviously as the as a woman she wanted it more it's just you got that biological ticking clock that's tell telling her to have kids and then for me you know you got that monkey brain that tells you as a man that your one and only job in this world is to procreate and have kids so to get told that you can't is uh it's devastating now very quickly the doctor told us that we could still do IVF even for me so we were talking about it on the drive home and we were hopeful and positive and we wanted to go through with it now for those of you that have gone through with IVF before you'll know that it's time consuming um and painful and very expensive um all total it cost us about $20,000 and I'm grateful to all of our family members that helped even in the little ways they could just anything they could do I'm just grateful for everybody now I know that I shouldn't because I didn't ask for it but I obviously blame myself for everything CU at the end of the day it was me that couldn't have kids I was a man to be told that it's it's rough it's not easy I can't even begin to tell you what she was going through I'm not going to even attempt that that's up to her but like I said as a man to be told that one of the few things that you should be able to do that you can't do oh that's hard to hear but we were plowing forward as a couple and we were going through the IVF and the processes themselves are very painful uh I was up on the dock at first I ended up having to go for a surgery um we had to go back to Saskatoon for the surgery and oh man that's painful it was a physical extraction of tissue and stuff like that and you know the region they're working in it it didn't feel good but that was step one so we were excited things were finally happening and they started doing her procedures and there were things that we had to do um twice a day on our end a lot of needles things like that and then we ended up having to go back to Saskatoon for her extraction um eggs and things and again this was at the very start of Co and I I couldn't be in the room with her which sucked I literally just had to sit downstairs in the parking lot in the car and wait for her and it was very painful for her and I felt terrible but she got back in the car and it was Smiles we were happy we there was a bunch of samples and we were we were upbeat that it was going to happen we waited a little while we were told that we had four chances first one we went back failed after about a week and we still had three more we went back for our set we had to wait a few months went back for our second chance and that one failed with it almost made a month and then it failed but during that time we were told that the other two had failed in the petri dish so that was it we were done and that was devastating man that sucked as a couple you know you're looking forward to this thing you're excited and nothing happens now there's a lot of people that tell you you know oh don't worry about it some people aren't just meant to have kids that I could think of a lot of people out there not to get political that shouldn't have kids but do and we would have made great parents but it never happened anyway I've been dealing with this whole you know not being able to have kids things at the time like I said I didn't deal with it correctly I just sort of buried it I'm finally dealing with it now and it turns out that it uh it me up a lot more than I thought it did uh it's been rough the crappy thing is is it it's less than 1% of all men it's like 6 or 7% of men have this problem so it's super rare but this guy's got it um everything's there nothing's plumbed up basically just if you want to Google it go for it I'm not going to get into it but yeah so it sucked but anyway that's where I've been that's what's up hopefully this is where I'm headed that's what I'm going through again if you guys are going through something and you want to open up in the comments section please be nice keep keep it safe um I'll be an ear maybe somebody down there has gone through something very similar to you um but if not again I suggest you try and find some help because the thing with the least what I'm going through especially as a man there is not a lot of support out there obviously rightfully so it's extremely rare but there's not a ton of support out there for something like this so keep yourselves safe stay happy and I'll talk to you guys later

Channel: Jesse does DIY

Views: 2,704

Keywords: diy, how to, beginner, instruction, rustic, tutorial, mental health, mens health, support, tough times, mental support, infertility

Id: NJXQvA1b2U4

Length: 16min 37sec (997 seconds)

Published: Sat Jan 20 2024