We Got A New Studio

it's it's grippy it's you think he wanted to make that song Who Do You Think told him to make that song whoever is grippy in his phone she she said hey Jay hey Mr Cole can you make a song about me I know I'm I'm I'm [Music] umy this is coming up like two weeks after this song releases so we should like really double down on grippy oh [ __ ] I'm hitting the table I'm hitting the grippy um let's talk about chimps what so what about them um so I saw a tweet uh yesterday it said this bald chimp shows how sorry wait this bald chimp shows why a chimp will mess you up and it's a bald chimp I don't know why that's relevant because aren aren't most chimps bald they don't have hair they don't um well they have hair everywhere right yeah I guess is that not hair there is hair so he's not bald he has a beard has like a buzz cut he's got the Travis Kelce he's got the low taper fade this bald chimp shows why a chimp will mess you up it's a muscular chimp and then the quote tweet says ridiculous chimps are like 80 lbs and 3 feet tall I would one shot a chimp no different than I would a third grader okay so um then that sparked and this I think about half of these people are joking and half of these people are being serious it sparked a conversation people thinking that they could take on like an ape like a monkey there are tons of people here who think that they could beat the [ __ ] out of like a monkey yes like hand to hand combat mhm One on One V One One V one in a ring with a monkey not even because of their like level of strength because of their smarts and their wits oh like I would rear I'd rear naked choke the chimp because he can't grab me from behind CH yeah the chip don't know what a Haymaker is exactly I could Superman punch you think a chimp knows about the clothesline or the Stone Cold Steve a or the attitude adjustment the RKO exactly so my question to you is do you think you could beat up a monkey okay and this is assuming about the size of this Chimp in said photo yeah about the size of a third ass yeah uh I think oh [ __ ] no I don't think I could just because and I'm trying to think of of of a good reason I think there's plenty of good reasons there's tons of them but because they they have a lot more like uh I don't know cuz I I don't know other than like picturing it in my head they're like like I close my eyes and they're like everywhere all over me and like ripping my face off so is there is this I'm sorry there's only one of them but but it itself is like everywhere yes I feel like I I feel like they're faster than me I feel like they're more animalistic well they have um they have a really strong grip strength some might say they grippy so that's also part of it chimpanzee muscle exceeds human muscle in maximum Dynamic force and power output by 1.35 times oh [ __ ] so I did I didn't know that one the only thing that I feel like I have over it is I have a longer arms right I I don't even think that's true I think chimps have like 8ot wingspans oh really yeah wingspans yeah cuz they got long Wings spans yeah what about leg spans um their leg spans probably about the same as ours they're not they're not that tall so do you think I i' well okay then then what do you think well I think I was just wondering if you were in agreement with these uh [ __ ] num skull idiots who think that they could take on a chimpanzee that are they're five times the strength of humans I was just wondering where you where you start no I feel like I feel like I'd be a little delusional to say that like I could I could take a monkey feel like there's the news even like story you hear stories about people getting [ __ ] up by getting their faces ripped off yeah yeah so then that actually leads me to uh my next Point um I saw a study in the comments um which or I guess this was a poll which animal could you beat in a fight they were polling Americans and um the British um just Americans in the Brits yeah that's just the Americans and the Brits um survey of 2000 uh GB adult good busy adults I don't I don't know what that means well this isn't I mean I I don't I haven't seen the study yet but I feel like it's not very accurate like if you put some like Aussies in the mix or something like they got to go head they're more delusional you think no they they got to go head to-head with kangaroos like often I don't think so AR aren't they like threatening aren't they like don't like 12 babies no not 12 I think I saw that 17 babies each each year get like stolen and put into Kang like kangaroo pouches put that into perspective that's actually a lot of babies yes like 17 babies compared to in America zero yeah babies go missing all the time and well not all the time baby what not all the time 17 out of the year I wouldn't call that all the time that's like weekly no that's like by that's like by mon third third weekly every third week that's once every month and then a couple more sprinkled in like five more yes okay but my my point is got it that um I forgot my point no my point is that babies go missing all semi three times a month once a month yeah and Australians will be walking along and see kangaroos with human babies in their patches de dead or alive and they have to okay and they have to like they have like wanted posters of kangaroos like have you seen this R because he stole my baby because he stole my baby okay so they do okay I understand what you're saying but um I guess we have to work on cuz we're both Americans we're American yeah so um um I just wanted to show you show you all what Americans thought about um about who who they could fight um most I think uh all of Americans uh about uh everyone in the in the poll that was studied about 70% oh no that says like yeah that's 70% of uh Americans look yeah there's a kangaroo there but not a lot of not a lot of Brit Britain think that they could fight a kangaroo so about 70% of Americans think that they could beat up a rat as opposed to 60% wait wait wait wait how many % 70% so there's 30% of Americans who don't think that they could be I'd be I'd probably be in that 30% for are you really just one rat I I think that like they're fast like I couldn't even catch it like if like are they trying to fight are all these they're fighting back they're trying to beat us up yeah could which animals could you beat in a fight we are fighting it's a fight we're fighting uh yeah I could I could beat a rat unless it somehow gets into my penis and balls you think it could how how big are goes up my pant leg into my like gu area I guess let me just give you a reference for how big like rats are so it's about like sort of like a phone size you think this could be able to like even attempt to get inside of your penis and balls does this it could be a baby rat so now it's a baby rat so I just smaller the smaller the the easier it would be to get my penis and boss absolutely I think the bigger would be the harder no yes yeah the it does get harder when it's bigger got it so I don't think we're talking about the same thing what are we talking about we're talking about rats oh yes I could beat a rat in a fight okay but the to my penis balls Jinx part Jinx wa genus genus and Jaws um a house cat 70% of Americans think that they could beat a house cat in a fight uh I think Britain's and Americans are aligned on this they they're about the same in the on the graph and again this is about 2,000 uh good busy adults so it's not the it's not everybody just about 2,000 they haven't seen that video of the cat that uh with the go up against like even like a snake I saw a video of a cat and a snake cats have the quickest reaction times like ever not ever but CL quicker than I quicker than you quicker than a snake in a snake is quicker than I so you don't think that you'd be able to beat a house cat in a fight if it has its claws fully like up your penis and balls no no no penis and balls I can protect my penis and balls from a cat wait okay also like do I do we get any preparation do they get any preparation like has this cat been taking like creatine for like two months or well the cat's been taking Krav Maga classes so and also the snake has too but I've been taking my ashwaganda bladder pills for for like months months so you you are stimulant erect I'm stimulant erect a little bit manly and depressed yep you're balding just that little bit right but you have a big ass beard my testosterone is slightly elevated M than usual lowerer estrogen so you look like not pretty do does estrogen relate to like correlate to prettiness like softer features I don't know to all our scientists out there is that true I don't think there's a single scientist that would choose to listen to hypothetical nonsense you don't think so um not even a penis and ball scientist I associate scientists with people who with a desire to learn I don't think you could like if you if we made a list of like facts that have come out of this podcast like what what what's something that you've taken away from this podcast what other than like a waste of time is the is like what you're doing right now to our viewers what other than like a giggle every once in a while do you a joyful disposition yes um a fuller heart do you do you leave with VI yours do you leave with a Fuller heart AR ends some people leave with this with love okay a love for a bigger life um experience a need to learn because they come out of this like damn I need to learn some [ __ ] yeah so they go and learn something after they finish the podcast like uh they're more likely to reconsider things after the episode ends I think so okay so so we provide value inadvertently okay the value that we provide is push ping other people to find that value which I think is valuable in and of itself I love it I love it so would you beat a house cat or do you think that um just back to the point okay no no no you I feel like if I really like had like blood in my eyes like I need to murder this cat I feel like I could yeah like if you really like you you you're trying to beat like what's your strategy throw away the like love for the animal for a second yeah my is it's me or the cat yes it's you or the cat yeah I think I would just like I mean cat's what like 5'7 would you be the goose in a fight how tall are you Goose I'm like 5'4 or 5'5 on a good day 5'6 if I stand straight my license you give tall thank you I think yes you like the cat jokes got it yeah she put the mic away that's why I moved on to Goose would you beat up a goose wait wait wait okay you can't just say you could beat up a cat and then have no strategy I'm snapping that [ __ ] cat's neck you like so you think you could yes so you think you could dance dance dance dance could you beat up Neil Patrick Harris in a fight uh I don't know who that is How I Met Your Mother Smurf yeah Smurfs I could beat up a Smurf they're like two no not Smurfs he's in Smurfs is he a regular guy I didn't know there were regular people in this Merc well they go to New York and then they and Neil Patrick Harris is there mhm in New York yeah well where else would he be he's on Broadway is he really yeah Broadway isn't there's a Broadway in Austin right there's Broadways in every there's Broadway everywhere like just like Broadway just the street just Broadway Boulevard or Broadway uh Martin Luther King Jr Broadway Boulevard there's a Martin Luther King Jr Street everywhere except for probably like I don't know Vermont Birmingham or Birmingham Alabama there's probably 70 in Birmingham Alabama there's probably a Martin Luther King Jr Drive a Martin Luther King Jr Lane yeah on the same street Martin Luther King Jr burger at McDonald's seasonally it's just like a black and white Burger e it's a black it's a biracial Burger the unity burger with a letter opener in the sorry um that's for all you history Buffs out there um I don't know what happened he got stabbed I thought he got sniped sniped they were sniping at him yeah I thought I thought that he was like I thought he got sniped are you thinking about JFK no no I got shot I'm pretty sure but not sniped like modern warfare from a distance I thought it was from like the a different building I thought they knew where like he was at a hotel or something and yes he was shot as he stood on the second floor balcony outside his room at lorine motel in Memphis tenc but was he snip yeah was it like a sniper rifle or just like a regular like did somebody come up to him and just shoot him does it have to be a sniper rifle for it to be a snipe oh that's a good point you could be sniped from I think a snipe just means it's from a a distance like you could be sniped as long as it's like more than like 20 ft away I don't know 30 what is the what is the like sniper distance he was sniped he was sniped I love uh getting facts correct that I don't so you like that he died no no no just you just expressed so much joy that Martin Luther King Jr got I didn't mean to celebrate about M K Jr's death I wanted to have some hope for the world and hope that he went out like easier crazy that was [ __ ] he had time to process the bullet coming to his what skull no no he did did he get shot in the let me guess he got shot in the neck or the the you no you can't you can't okay you can't like cover all the body parts or no the body or no no his leg Yeah Yeah I don't know maybe chat GPT would know you think chat GPT would know I don't think so I don't think chat GPT knows a lot of stuff yeah it knows how to talk he knows I'll tell you that much it knows how to it knows um how to pick up a women I've used a chat GPT to in the neck no in the lower right side of his face no oh so he was so he's fine he's dead no is he fine yeah I feel like that's that's a pretty Survival you tank a cheek shot I feel like dude IDE CP teeth yeah ideally like it would go through here and out the other cheek yeah I don't know how much like like 50 blood 50 cents survived like 80 different shots right he was good George W bush got a shoe thrown at him but he ducked and he was fine yeah yeah and he was like you want you want some more you you still that's how a president should be you think if Joe Biden got a shoe thrown at him he'd like tank it kill him I feel like he'd catch it I think he'd die no he catch it with his mouth like a dog what could you beat up a dog that's a that's not a fair question why cuz there are so many different types of dogs Chihuahua yes golden retriever uh does he like me uh uh be Beetlejuice don't know or no uh Beethoven or no what's his name Duke darbad duuk the maruk no probably not what are other dogs um a beagle pit bull oh hell no when you wake up do you do you have like a a list of things you're going to say or do you just like raw dog raw dog uh probably not if it was a raw dog um the men's are raw you go you um I don't know where else we can go here from this no no no no about dogs could you beat up a a crocodile you didn't answer I could beat up everything will I could beat up everything I promise no what's next elephant polar bear no lion elephant oh what percent of Americans think they can beat up an elephant 10% 10% of Americans of this aggregate of those are the Americans we got to send to Florida that's the 10% of like Americans we got to send to Florida in like put like like in like shipping containers and keep them there like jail yeah and take like a like a um like a saw kill them no no no saw the border of oh so it drifts away and so it just floats off into the Pacific so we could just go like on the street like do you think you could take an elephant yeah could take an elephant and then give them a ticket to oh give kidnap them okay take them on a boat ship them to Florida Saw Florida off I'm just uh Curious how what their game plan is no how you think we would get to they would get to Florida by boat you said send them on a boat on from Texas yeah we'd go we we go through you know that little ocean part go Florida the Gulf of Mexico yeah [ __ ] it and then we just drive all the way to Florida the gulf Canal [ __ ] it why not and then we just go all the way there we use the pulley Canal systems MH and then we just go over all the way to Florida I feel like it'd be easier I think boat fuel is cheaper boat fuels and there's no traffic nothing and we won't get pulled over by like the police I don't think so I feel like it'd be the safest way to go out or not we have to worry about is sharks and we could refill or we could refill with all that oil that was dumped in there right probably some of that last you know how there's like straws that like if you suck up the ocean like it makes the water clear like oh yeah those life straws right we get a oil straw and then suck up the oil from everything except the oil or it only the oil goes through the oil goes through yeah we could do that I think as long as there are no sharks those sharks like oil just keep keep going uh that's it we can we can move on do you think you can beat up a shark uh oh yeah actually yeah that's the one that's the one that I'm confident about cuz you just punch in the nose right like they have such like a big like Target of like weak spot like you punch in the nose that's like oh but have you ever tried to punch something in the water are we oh are we both underwater where would the shark be I thought we were in a boxing ring through for all of these you thought we were in a boxing ring I mean it's in a fight I feel like so I think you need to reevaluate all of these then if you were in a boxing rooming with a rat yeah wait okay where are we then just in a room or does it are we in there their habitat their natural habitat the all of these all of these animals have a Home Advantage then okay we're in your house then okay I'd beat up a shark anything that needs a fish a shark anything that needs water to exist I'm be he's in your house but also your house is filled with water ooh like up to my up to where up to the ceiling so then I'll just I'm drowning but you still have to fight before you die you're just going to let yourself drown I'd rather drown than get mauled like slowly mauled by a like shark either if you just like lay down and let yourself drown you're going to I can't lay down i' in a water you're also going to get mauled by the shark so you're going to be drowning and also getting mauled by the shark so at least go out with a fight no yeah I guess I guess either way I have like a minute and a half left of life okay it's not to the ceiling it's a little bit lower so you have like some air pockets to come back up and breathe I mean I might as well like die right because wait no I just open a door duh open the door and all the water comes out and then I kick it in the face oh and then you would kick it in the face so you're fighting you're fighting the shark yeah yeah well actually I'd probably call pea and they'd come and like release it back how would you call pea within the water oh yeah well the iPhones are pretty water resistant nowadays right I guess so do you want to try it try it yeah we have a bunch of water bottles over no my phone is cracked cuz it got ran over by a bus and uh so I think I don't think you've told that story before really no I definitely have like four times God damn it I almost like went off I was like really well let me tell you was it a it wasn't a bus no it wasn't a bus I just uh I like to I embellishments my dad used to embellish stories a lot you call him a liar yeah yeah I like the embellishment though embellish just like it means like the story itself is true but a lot of the details make it seem more like like either heroic or like um like dramatic it it like adds to the story like it's like did it get ran over by a bus no did it get ran over by a car yes bus car Tomatoes potato absolutely did your dad ever like embellish a story about how he got to school in the morning no I I I've always seen those like memes though did you ever have that sort of it would be like well why you complaining about walking like a block when I had to when I was a kid back during the Civil War I had to go through and and and and and and and Dodge cannonballs and it's like all right got it I'm a I'm a loser for like being cold because there's a blizzard outside cuz there's a yeah if there was oh yeah you grew up in the cold huh I did yeah there was like like blizzards and [ __ ] there was and I had to walk to the bus stop did you have those like hand warmers on like on hand M on I just had some thick I just had some thick ass gloves oh gloves yeah what was the feel cuz whenever I would walk to school in the cold M um it was never as cold it was like probably the coldest it would get was like 30 degrees sure but anytime I would walk into um the school and experience the warm again it was so uncomfortable for me like having all those layers on and still being a little bit sweaty under them from the walk and like the last stretch of it was uphill so like just the like initial like getting back like temperature regulation was so uncomfortable for me would you were you the type of person to wear shorts when it was like 50 or 60° hell no was you mm- I was just curious no those dudes those dudes are becoming cops they are yeah the the kids that would wear the shorts and also like go to the water fountain and put like water in their hair like like ju it up they're definitely like shooting people like State sanctioned killings I saw a video of um a sober college student that got pulled over like and was suspected suspected of being drunk and the cop was being an [ __ ] and making him do a bunch of stuff the cop was like why are you why are you shaking why are you trembling like like are you drunk and he was like no it's [ __ ] it's freaking like 30° outside I'm I'm like cold and the cop was like well I I wear shorts in 33 weather and the dude was like congratulations and then like it actually got cooked and then uh yeah went viral no no no he ended up like taking to the to the station and like he blew zeros on the breathalyzer and the cop was like you're high you're high as [ __ ] that's what now it makes say your eyes are blood red and they ended up taking him to the station and making him perform like do a bunch of [ __ ] but went viral like a clown just like jump on one leg Yeah do your ABCs backwards a lot of those sobriety tests like look difficult like to do sober like I saw a video of a cop like doing an example in like stumbling and like it's like you expect me to do that you just couldn't do it are you drunk it feels like it's I don't even know because if the breathalyzer says that you're drunk there's no need for the test so it feels like they just do it for fun to like laugh at the person if it if it says like. one Zer whatever you're drunk now okay now now do the Hoke around bust your [ __ ] down low yeah you drunk as [ __ ] but you lit as [ __ ] but you turned you actually turned up say your ABC is backwards can you say can you do that [ __ ] if I like it would take me a long time but I could all right this is the time of the segment that we say our ABC's backwards okay I'm I proom this is going to take me a while okay three two now viewers racist at home don't three two one racists at home don't I I I they probably cheered when you said Martin Luther King got Z yeah y I think so X yeah w V yep U yep T yes sir s uh-huh wait yeah R yep Q yep p joral or huh sorry oh oh [ __ ] and and day D you got cooked and you did it in 3 minutes that's crazy or no finished up bro I prefaced that this was going to take a long time you wanted to do this what was I on N yeah m l k j i yeah h G uh-huh f e yeah D yep this where no no it doesn't this is the like [ __ ] this is the what it's called this is what you alphabet the ABCs what the [ __ ] is an alphabet that's the girlfriend Wicked C I wish I got these jokes B and then F oh [ __ ] [ __ ] I got to start over z z YX w v u t s QR L uh all right let's move on um I started off strong though do you have any more animals that you want to talk about well okay I was I thought you were more delusional than I thought cuz I thought you'd be like oh yeah I could beat up a bronos a Bronco or something I thought you like oh I could definitely beat up a buffalo because I felt that I read that your vibe that you were kind of like somebody who thought that you could beat up a big ass I go to the gym and I'm sly and I'm just like yeah like you see these muscles they're bigger than in diameter than a cats so therefore you're like I can [ __ ] the cat that's what I thought you precisely that's pretty much word for word what I thought you were going to say I put it in my notes exactly I thought that's exactly what you were going to say but then I was going I thought okay so here's what was oh Jesus so here's what was going to happen we're going to we were going to get into a coochie Jesus it's grippy so coochie Jesus oh oh oh coochie Jesus and uh freal 69 coochie Jesus freal 69 it's h grippy um free Galatians oh my God culations culations 69 Thou shalt not motorboat um the tee of Jesus [Music] Mickey wait what's another one I had one oh oh parting the Red Sea is when no okay I'm I'm not doing that one I'm not doing that one I'm not doing that one I'm not doing that one I'm not doing that one but I promise you I was thinking of so many like fre gations like freaky freak relations there are so many I had so many in my notes app but some of them are crazy like that one um so not to get off topic or anything but um yeah yeah so I thought we were going to have a very spirited debate about like are we going to beat up a monk or an animal and a monk it's monkey right right chat a monk chat are we live we're stre we're streaming W's in the chat thank you culations for the 50 bits um so I thought we're going to have table eader for table leader for eating that table we really appreciate that we had nowhere to put that um so I thought we're going to have a spirited debate about like are we going to beat up different things like we seem aligned we are definitely aligned I was going to be like I was going to be like what really will are there any animals on that list that you do think you could beat up um well the cat I didn't know that we would we would uh have disagreement about that I thought that we would both be like yeah we could definitely be the cat trying I think it's also the experience of like trying to clip my cat's nails and like realizing that even no matter how hard if I wanted to catch a cat like even by its neck when it's upset like if it's like sleepy and like being cute like like you can you can like do anything sure but if it's like on one it's like on one I don't think I could even like I think it would it could do it's re action time is so good that it could Dodge my hand if it really wanted to it could Dodge me every time I try to grab it and like the second its claws or on my face in my neck I'm scared that my when my cat's nails are long enough that like if it accident if it like jump throat if the mic if the toaster goes off while it's like too close to my neck that my jugular is going to be like like blood maybe there's something maybe I'm Miss what's the toaster have to do with this cuz uh just something that would scare a cat oh oh the toaster going off and like while it's like cuddled up on me like scares the [ __ ] out of her scares the [ __ ] it has no regard for what its claws are doing you know I see I see I just think if like push came to shove because when we when we're with like our animals like you don't actually want to like grab the cat so hard that you hurt the cat it's like you're still being careful if like the adrenaline's pumping if I'm not being careful I feel like I have higher of a survival Instinct than than the cat does but like when we get to like a mediumsized dog mhm could probably Maul the [ __ ] out of me like for sure mediumsized dog let me can I list a couple breeds yeah beagle Mozart beagle um yeah I think it could kill me really a beagle with those short ass legs with them sharp ass teeth bite force yeah but they like they have such like what about a weener dog they they don't I could beat up a wiener dog that goofy ass dog I could definitely beat up a wiener dog I guess I'm like maybe I'm Miss Miss thinking about how big a beagle is cuz I I was picturing a beagle not being that much bigger than a weener dog aren't weener dogs like don't they vary in size a little bit yeah I guess so yeah just like my yep just like uh just art reflects reality doesn't it do you have any other animals so um yeah so now it's getting to weird territory like wolf you can't beat up a wolf like gorilla you're not beating up no [ __ ] gorilla like but some people do think that they could beat up a gorilla that's a that's a normal sized beagle oh it legs are longer than I thought yeah that's like a that's a mediumsized dog yeah that is a me that dog could like hurt me like bad yeah but it's so cute like why would do that because we're in a fight right now we're in a boxing ring can we just talk it out there's no fight that can't be resolved with words um your word is your bond Counterpoint it's it would if the person you're fighting does not speak your language I think I'd bring a translator or something for dog yeah chaty PT you know Chachi PT is like inches away from being able to to um to translate animal noises inches away yes what year do you think it'll hit to where it could speak to animals like 20 35 cool okay so I'm glad you put a number on it so in 2035 come back to this episode let us know if the world even still exists let us know if chat gbt can talk to animals well that's if the that's if the the lead open AI scientist doesn't get killed oh yeah because they don't want they don't want the world to speak to animals CU then they'll realize that birds aren't real and they'll realize that that the birds are actually just government drones and spies because they'll be like wait why can't the birds wait the birds are talking about like um Osama Bin Laden even though that's old news they're still talking about him in 2035 it's like the ninja effect where like he can't just like like move on from [ __ ] like the birds are talking about like like cuz the US hasn't really had that big of a win since Osama Bin Laden I think they like they're kind of still caught up on it you know um um um um um so I thought that we were going to have a debate I thought we were going to get spirited and then I was going to be like we kind of did about the cat and um the shark yeah but it was yeah but it was like I I don't like you know like I thought we're going to get like heated and like we're going to stand up and it was like we were going to talk so much that spit was going to come out like what the [ __ ] are you talking about and then things were going to so are we fighting now no no no no no no but listen who would who would win in a fight to the death who what percent of Americans think they could beat up a Sammy most of them I think unless I had a gun wait you can't have a gun I can't have a gun no the most you can have is like a a stick or something how like a Kendo stick or like like a a stick that like from the Wilderness like a A wilderness stick any the biggest stick you can find Within like a 30 foot radius of that just seems like rude to me like go find a stick and then that could be your weapon well they don't have anything or you could just do do fists if you want it's not supposed to be disrespectful it's supposed to be like Hey listen like there's no it's like Hey listen we know that you're at a disadvantage so go find a stick well would you rather die probably okay well so this it was supposed to segue into this conversation because me you and a couple other people were playing a game on jackbox.tv Vision oh yeah and one of the questions was uh what is your weapon of choice for the zombie apocalypse oh and we had to rank them from the most useful to the least useful and I'll list all of them for all of you guys it was a revolver an aluminum baseball bat flamethrower chains bazooka crowbar butcher's knife and fists okay I thought unequivocally can you put it like just so I could I could remember all of it just put it you can play it flat I thought okay I thought unequivocally I thought unequivocally there was first the first number one most useful weapon I thought everyone would agree they did not so on three we'll say the the most useful weapon cuz we will both agree on this one two three bazooka okay what bazooka really bazooka I mean bazooka is a solid too but like flamethrower is the most obvious like bazooka is so limited I won't even give you flamethrower as two really I put flamethrower I did put it as two but I I won't even give you that because maybe I was why not because listen listen a bazooka is so good for crowd control you're wiping out so many zombies maybe you you have to get to some sort of High ground but I'm thinking if I have access to a bazooka I also have access to some form of High Ground I've Got The High Ground I'm barricaded up ping boom like a hundred zombies are done in that one foul Swoop a flamethrower there's no way to really aim a flamethrower like fire is like its own autonomous Beast that you can't really tame I guess flamethrower and bazooka are both Limited in range bazooka bazooka is limited in that you can't do it like if if a zombie gets close to you you're [ __ ] like if you shoot that bazooka you're killing yourself I'm punching I'm pissed I'm bazooka withing it you're using it as a weapon as a sword as a sword if they get close cling cling and then that [ __ ] and then the and then the zombie accidentally presses the trigger and then it blows everything sorry I don't think I don't think the zombie well no because I'd have the safety on click is there safeties on a bazooka if there's no safety on a bazooka that that's [ __ ] crazy there's no safety I'm clicking click the safety now it's a bazooka sword I guess yeah are the are the safeties like I mean I feel like if you're hitting it like it's pretty easy to undo a safety you know I feel like if you're like wielding it around there's a chance that I'll put tape over it yeah I guess that's not like a Forefront like argument though like like so yeah I I see it because the only reason I think flamethrower is because uh it's close range and like yeah I I I changed my mind a bazooka would be a bazooka would be absurd like the amount of zombies like flamethrower it would be one at a time one zombie at a time but like I was just thinking it would be badass to have like a bunch of zombies coming towards me and just like spinning in a circle I feel like you burn yourself though yeah I guess if the zomb yeah what I'm curious like real zombies like the not the movie [ __ ] real zombies that are in real life do they what are their reactions when like hurt like if a zombie stubs its toe or they like hold on ow ow [ __ ] hold on I don't think they feel anything so if I if I like light a zombie on fire they're not like they're not like stepping they're going to keep walking towards me while on fire until their heart stops I'd imagine because if they're zombies like I guess what lore what what sort of lore of are we talking about Warm Bodies are we talking about the warm body zombies are we talking about the are we talking about The Walking Dead zombies what are we talking here yeah I don't know um like uh Last of Us or the last of the last of us has zombies they're mushroom zombies yeah I I don't know I don't know any of the lore of any zombie other than maybe Black Ops 2 zombies so we can go let's assume that zombies in real life for how they could function the definition of a zombie is an undead human okay I don't think in real life a zombie would have super speed they wouldn't have like super strength yeah they're probably just like dead moving around yes and they Pro we can also we can grant the zombies that they do want to eat your brains yes their motivation is to eat brains eat brains and also probably infect you with zombie juice or something so like if they get close to you you will also end up turning into a zombie if they is it if like is it transmitted like blood is it like it's sexually transmitted or probably yeah I don't think that's like the main source but oh my God we should make a zombie love story where there's a zombie that like in a and a person that fall in love but they can't have sex because they'll turn into a zombie if they do because yeah and and like they don't want to um they can't like but they can kiss and stuff because there's no they kiss I thought it was blood transmitted well do zombies have blood how how else do they exist huh I so hate to Brak it to you I think that's literally just the plot of Twilight what but with a Vampire they can kiss but they can't have sex and when they do have sex it goes really bad they can have sex he just has to be weak and also he can't like just a grossest sound effect you could have chosen what did you do you want me to say the word I want to be respectful to everyone I don't know maybe like a silly like Bo no you can't finish AA that's no finish finish finish to completion finish does mean to completion no uh come that's what I was avoiding sper spert squarp squarp yeah squirts for others squorp is for us oh got it um but yeah Twilight you could they they did get they get they could get a little freaky he just had to make sure that he didn't like get too crazy finish to completion and also he couldn't be too strong about it cuz he' break her in half but I guess he didn't his urges were too great because like he was like B just wear a condom and just uh have her be a freak I don't know that's a great solution I don't know why Edward didn't think about a condom did they have condoms in Forks I can't I can't put it I can't do it because bro where condom it's just he but he's like he's like oh I'm allergic to latex or he's like oh the I don't like need lamb skin I need lamb skin condoms but they're a little too expensive and I don't have the money it just feels like nothing with the condom he has bare skin raw can you get the TR the be skin I think also but Edward was like yeah he he was like alluding to it but he was like Bella I got to be real with you I would [ __ ] break you in half like I would hurt you and she would always she would always go like I don't care but like consider no if he if she did ride him if he does just a little bit of like a Boop she'd go up in the ceiling really he's so strong he's stop a car oh really one little like boink and it's like I mean I don't know how freaky but like they could he could get tied up tie his hands up tie his body to the to the bed and he could break through the ropes you think that Bella could tie him up enough she's not a Boy Scout what does he not have like some like Kryptonite or something like yeah Bella wait latex right latex and Bella are his Kryptonite latex Bella peanuts glory hole I don't know he could break through the wall he gets a little bit excited up the wall the drywall but let's honestly this is a good conversation let's figure out how Edward and um I think those were my strongest options I don't know Glory Hall she's on top maybe uh maybe Edward could have his family holding him down while she's he can't just stand still oh he can't stand still he's just like it feels too good he [ __ ] loves her oh yeah imagine just imagine like and I'll I'll be like I'll be uh I'll be I'll be clean about this you're having fun with your friend and you really like this friend a lot but you're like not really showing your friend how much fun you're having wouldn't that make your friend feel bad oh yeah you like he doesn't want to just stand there like a brick wall while B is like doing tricks on it um yeah Bella could throw it back throw it back on him and if he does one just one just one she going through the wall just one single a she's getting darted through like a firework and she's her blood is splattered all over and he's going to lick up her blood cuz he's a vampire do you want that to happen to Bella no okay fine okay the okay then the the safest option is for her to become a vampire what were you I thought I was assuming that that would that could that wasn't an option okay assuming that's not the option what were you going to say I was going to say probably just some some FaceTime sex probably just some he would get so excited wait how how does he like does he but he can control his strength on himself like when he's jorking it well no his I think vampire boals are like a lot more strong like they're stronger oh so his penis is strong so that we're calling it boingo's will please please we don't want to get demonetized this [ __ ] it's a lot stronger than most humans so I think that's probably that's probably part of it too Bella probably can't like do it right on him I don't know but I think you have to watch you have to watch some of the movies because they did they did start doing it during their like honeymoon or whatever and like they were breaking the bed and [ __ ] oh really and you'd have to go like I got to I got to chill what I got to stop there's a sex scene in Twilight there's a sex Montage really they're in like a little house and they're like let's do it and then Edward's like all right [ __ ] it bro and then they just keep like going at it over and over oh is Twilight like smart is Twilight just smart no I mean not it gets there to some degree fishes shaking their head yes cat's shaking her head no it gets smudy like towards the end it's not smudy at the like towards the beginning if you want smut look at 50 Shades of Gray that's like verifiably smut and B the purpose is SM the purpose is to get you get the freaking you should read passion and pancakes by Nathan balet you think Superman I think Superman and Lois Lane had the same issue but like she wasn't going to turn into Superman if he like completed you think that the Hulk how does the Hulk become big and strong the Hulk gets big and strong when he gets mad do you think he has control over what parts of his body get big get big and strong big and strong no because the Hulk is his own entity Hulk is another person you think Hulk Hulk as big as hell gets horny absolutely and do you think that there's any like it would fit in any woman probably She-Hulk oh that's his cousin so assuming we're in Alabama Alabama She-Hulk and um assuming that Hulk so but then they they so then if they're in a relationship together uhhuh you think they would ever like purposefully like get in a fight like kind of egg each other on H each out to Hulk each other out Bruce the dishes again you're so [ __ ] dirty Bruce what are you doing what are you doing right now nothing I'm just pissed right now I'm [ __ ] angry aren't you getting a little angry Bruce he's starting to turn a little green God he's like stop there is a scene in the um Edward Norton movie where this exact situation happens I have not seen that movie in a long time that's very good yeah he's monitoring heart rate if it goes too high he's going to turn into the Hulk he has to stop having sex that's awesome well okay there's there are different hulk-like creatures in the Marvel Universe if Hulk really wanted to get freaky he could get freaky with the thing which is a rock monster who's about the same size as the Hulk Thanos is pretty big and wrinkly I I guess the wrinkles aren't really relevant but he could get big and freaky with Thanos uh uh Red Hulk Red Hulk is just Hulk but red is it the same dude no it's a different guy oh Red Hulk they could yeah they definitely could they're like two pie in a pod there's also a a planet Hulk there's a planet filled with hulks he could find somebody for sure absolutely there's Planet hulks yeah no there's a planet filled with hulks how does that work like any other planet I guess they all kind of know like yeah we're we're [ __ ] pissed all the time like they just kind of run Society with that sort of mindset you think does Hulk I don't know how it works when Hulk gets big in like inconvenient places does it like [ __ ] [ __ ] up like if he gets pissed on like a bus his his clothes tear off so whenever he unhook he's naked does he get bigger like like does he like would he destroy the walls of the bus like I don't know how big probably yeah Hulk is a pretty large creature so then on Hulk plan everything is like a little bit wider and taller right like everything they do they sell like how long are you Hulk for when you get when you get angry is it just for the duration that you feel angry well I'm pretty sure hul Hulk and Bruce have a like sort of like symbiotic relationship where like they at the beginning like Hulk is like I want to be Hulk I want to be Hulk all the time and Bruce is like all right I got to be me a little bit so they're like okay [ __ ] it like we'll have like this sort of like unspoken agreement but if Hulk wants to Hulk could be Hulk forever oh really he could just be [ __ ] Hulk so then they sell like Hulk clothes and Hulk outfits probably Hulk food like Hulk Burger discount maybe discount Bruce clothes with it because they're like more disposable cuz they get destroyed every time that it turns to like 70% off all bruis clothing at the Hulk and M yeah so they have like the bottom is like the human clothes and the top is like the real Hulk stuff but you have like a hipster Hulk who has like circular glasses and like I actually prefer wearing bruise clothes because they kind of they kind of fit my muscles more and they just sort of like make me look a little bit stronger so that's kind of my vibe they also sell graphic te's with with Bruce it's really good BR they they sell Bruce graphic I would I would imagine Bruce is a celebrity on on does this include shoes too and socks I don't think they need shoes and socks I feel like they're one with nature and they like to like they walk around in the store just Barefoot well Hulk only wears he got his little purple shorts on and that's it just so they don't see his do they got to make like ATM stronger like they like a Hulk robbery yeah yeah I would imagine like robbing anything as the Hulk pretty easy yeah but I guess having Hulk security guards would make would even the playing fi but they're all evenly matched I think so I don't think anyone wants to step to each other yeah they they they all have like a yeah are there like Hulk and brues that like this is like Rick and Morty Hulk and Bruce just Rick and Morty because you're assuming they're all Bru you're assuming all the hulks are Bruce some of the hulks are just Hulk they're not they don't have like a human counterpart they don't dude there just a guy like I'm just Hulk bro I'm pretty sure like Hulk like his son is just a is just a Hulk he's not like a dude there's too much lore I mean there's like 50 years of comic books yeah there's a lot that's so interesting I thought I thought it was just a bunch of brucees like Ricks and Morty's it's funny that like I'm hi Bruce hi Bruce hi Bruce hi Bruce hi Hulk hi Hulk hi Hulk hi Hulk that's awesome um yeah moving on from Superhero sex Spider-Man not to move on but Spider-Man um he um he did it in Mary Jane and killed her because his what his fun is radioactive it's fun I don't know I don't know how to say this without yeah yeah his seed maybe it's just gross fun is good I like fun cuz it's fun yay yeah but it did kill her cuz fun for who fun not for Mar get in your hair and not when it gets in your mouth you have to pretend like it tastes good well we should do p on questions oh yeah yeah oh patreon shout out our patreon patreon.com bestfriends today we um have some more questions to answer for you guys um let's let's get it let's get it into it Maya says how's everyone days been that includes you guys great thumbs up from fiser thumbs up from cat thumbs up from Shane great from Sammy D double thumbs up from Will oh great day from you just did one up you guys oh okay um schumo schumo said asks what's your favorite old timey word for item artifact curios relics knickknacks Etc the doohickey oh doohickey is good [ __ ] thingy Mig I just like saying like it's a cool like thingy thingy thingamabob is also maob Bob or jig I don't know one of those two uh what's Matt says how do you come up with the stimulator game ideas stimulator Simulator game ideas um like ideas for best friend simulator I think we just like think about what food would like make us feel the worst to eat wrong um I think about what food would be the thing that I want to eat today I was like cheesecake I want cheesecake what if we ate all of them all of them did that not ruin cheesecake for you forever I still can't eat cheesecake I never understand when people are like I'm burnt out on well I do but also it's at the same time it's like that burger video didn't make me hate burgers that that made me look for the best burger it's actually cool I'm glad that we did that video cuz now I feel like I have a better understanding of like what burger like if I'm like thinking of a burger to eat now I know which one I'll enjoy the most yeah now it's not up to like perception of like what is the what does it look like on the page like how does it feel like the packaging and everything you know how it tastes and you know what unless I want to customize because like In-N-Out Burger got brought down cuz there's no onion onion brings up a burger like half a point for Me Maybe sure uh in and out I also get like I would get a double double I like having more meat in my mouth got it I like um whole grilled onion do you know what whole grilled onion is you know how grilled onion they chop it up and Grill it you want the whole onion grilled just uh more like slice but yeah maybe not the whole onion they don't grow you said that though that's which is what they call it you ask for whole grilled onion they'll give you the a slice the slice of it yeah but it's a whole instead of the diced yes it's a whole slice a whole like just the big onion why are you doing why are you doing this that's card no this is [Music] burger onion right sliced like sliced onion no um jimy says If You Were Somehow to be able to convert all of your body's strength into one arm how far could you throw a baseball I've never thrown a baseball if I like absorbed all of my strength from like my legs and my other arm into one arm I only but then you because I feel like a lot of the strength from throwing comes at like the hips yeah like the torque yeah yeah yeah it's it's a full body movement so it's like but if your arm is super strong you won't even need the full body movement you could just kind of like yeah but still I'm completely am I like if all my strength is gone I'm like paralyzed right I can't stand you're like when he's getting um I I have to be like sitting down in like a wheelchair or something and I just I can only yeah I can't I can't even I don't even have strength to keep my neck up or talk you can't talk I have to be like this throw that [ __ ] put it in reverse Terry put it in reverse Terry put in Reverse so uh probably pretty [ __ ] far I think yeah maybe 100 thousand macdaddy Sam says will are you into Samy sketch comedy on his Instagram if so what's your favorite skit shout out Yap City what if you said no no I don't really [ __ ] with it yeah I don't really watch it I'm not a fan personally casual I just uh oh uh recently I was [ __ ] with I mean first of all like I [ __ ] with all of sami's videos like Sammy i' be watching all of those ho um recently he made one where uh he was an alien and he was speaking alien and he forgot his like translator and stuff and he was like but it was like alien English like mix so like like like Spang English but for aliens and that was super cool and creative and that one left me like Damn I wish I thought of that like sometimes I sometimes I'll watch your videos be like I should have thought of that um but yes that one's my favorite from more recently when I think of a Sammy video I always think of the um the Habachi Chef one just because it's like they're just the quotes the flipp egg crack do it again uh anyway I don't mean to to glaze but um that's great like schoppy like schoppy um toasted beans asks have you ever had toasted beans why why table eater toasted beans the [ __ ] is going on toasted beans yes I've had toasted Bean are you referring to baked beans or toasted beans is that like it sounds like a British thing toasted beans or that's not British toasted beans what it's like Nicki Minaj toasted beans um um I don't know yeah who is this guy toasted be I don't know um I like that I think I would if I didn't have any send me a link to toasted beans toasted beans I just imagine like a layer of beans maybe put in like the oven and then it's like crispy on the outside but maybe sof on the inside like cookies yeah like cookies yeah like toasted beans like cookies like scrapple like scrapp like scra um uh people a couple different people asked um if we got our stuff from Teemu oh uh I don't think we're ever going to get that I wonder if it did come to Rooster Teeth if we could like put a claim in for it maybe it might come in like after everyone is gone and it's like a different owner did we ever get like a tracking number or anything I kept asking and just all I got was not here yet I don't think it'll ever come I don't think it'll ever come come I'm sorry guys I'm sorry I don't think it'll ever fun I don't I don't think you're ever sperm or wait what was it squirt squir hey there squir like squirt sorry Emma asks any chance for a bft patreon Minecraft server uh I was thinking about that I was thinking the Minecraft server would be fun it's just like the the moderation of it all would be complicated we just don't know who would run that yeah yeah if anyone is if anyone wants to make one and like you know what is this an alien is this an alien question musar says you can pick up FL B okay Kaitlin Mason asks what is the weirdest thing you found out about your co-hosts after coming together as bft what like maybe just something surprising that we learned about each other okay if you have something I have to think um I mean the specificity about like the food order that's one thing that but also um and we could cut this if it's too personal but like just like the uh the your thing with like being sensitive to like different Fabrics on your skin true that was just like um I I don't know not that I didn't expect it that was just an interesting like like Quirk you know that you probably I don't know if that's like a struggle for you but or something that you've like dealt with no I just buy different clothes but um yeah yeah and even like socks right yeah sock well socks are the biggest if the socks like are like scraggly I'm like I can't walk I can't do it um yeah that's the that's it's not a struggle yeah necessarily but it's like I can't like if someone's like you can borrow my shirt I'm like no I yeah can't do it buddy sorry or like sheets sheets yeah what I'm sleeping on like like blankets like if your blanket is like old as [ __ ] like if you got a old as [ __ ] blanket that used to be soft and it's like kind of like I can't be on your blanket I just can't do it there's one blanket from my childhood that genuinely like every time I think about it I have like a a physical visceral reaction to it like because I used to put it um between my teeth and bite it and do this to it it it had the I hated the feeling but I would do it every day and every time I think about it I I like freak out and sometimes I'll think about when I'm eating food and I can't finish like it tastes like blanket now it's just the feeling of on my teeth I that actually goes into what my answer would be is that I didn't know how oral you were you're so like oral like you just bite [ __ ] or like you like put [ __ ] in your mouth or you like you're always flossing like you're just a very orally Centric like you just be biting [ __ ] like and then we're like well you good like yeah yeah I'm just biting my Fork I don't know the oh yeah Forks are a big thing in like restaurants like um it's just like a stemming thing you got like an oral fixation like you need to like have something to like chew on or something have something in my mouth or be fidgeting with but I prefer like like forks I like the the feeling of like putting a fork against my lips and feeling the like my lips between the different Fork prongs and I'll like feel it with my finger and um like in public like sometimes I'll be like a fancy restaurant and like if I'm with people they'll be like stop putting your knife in your like the steak Knife you're going to kill yourself know I know I probably look crazy having like like all like put like a the the steak Knife between my teeth and like it's it's just like floss with the knife well I wouldn't like I wouldn't like Scrat nothing like dangerous but like you're just very stimulated I do like to stimulate you're just a very stimulated you're a best friend stimulate that's just kind of your Vibe I am B Barnes asks how do you guys deal with any insecurity you have about the content you make I've been trying to make [ __ ] cuz I I know I can make some funny little things but overthink it how do youall get over yourself and try new things specifically solo stuff um My Philosophy is it doesn't matter like honestly I think someone said this to me a while ago it was like not to be disrespectful or anything but nobody like really cares about what you're doing so it's like if you make a shitty video no one is looking at that like man Samy's video [ __ ] sucks they're like they don't care they're going to scroll right past like no one has so much stock in their mind about you that they're like praying on your down downfall or vice versa like kind of praying on your success a little bit so it's like that's a little bit freeing so it's like if you make a video no one is going to remember that bad video they're going to remember the good video that you made this might be a hot take but um personally I feel like I have that philosophy just because like um like I am where I am for at least some reason you know like like um like people like I know that like it's that like two at least at one point two million people were like I like this dude enough to hit that follow button you know and so when I make a video I know that like I I my taste is at least not terrible to the point where like it's going to like be like embarrassing like to your point like they're not going to be like damn that will video was ass you know but there are some people out there who have made videos and been like this is going to be a hit and they're getting reposted on cringe like Instagram cringe compilations like and I feel so terribly for those people that like cuz in their head they probably like see nothing wrong with the video that they're making and they they're also but like I feel like Instagram res is a brutal Place yeah I guess the advice the advice to give to someone is like it's like a blanket like this is how you should operate but like it really depends because it's like how can you give some some advice to someone in terms of like making videos if they just aren't good at it if they if they shouldn't be making videos cuz there are some people like how do you tell that like SoundCloud rapper you're schooled to like quit you're done like stop like I can't give someone advice like if I look at your stuff and I'm like you got to quit because I'm sure some people have thought about that in terms of me but it's also like there's different layers to that too because it's like some people think that about me but also some people think that about other people but that other person is getting posted on like cringe compilation like this is the worst thing ever and if I'm listening to like a SoundCloud rapper and I think that shit's ass but there is like an audience out there for it that that are like a large audience like I'm not going to lie like there's some uh popular mainstream like artists that I listen to and I'm like I don't like this is like terrible to me but like if I told what if I was that dude that told him to quit in high school and they did that's that's where that first advice comes in someone who like kind of has like an inkling of something then like PE multiple people have told you like you're good at this or like there's like you have a foundation for it if you're starting from zero like it's just more difficult to be like keep pushing bro like my my true advice to anybody is like really don't like go to college like honestly like I got so lucky like but I took I made so many stupid choices I made so many stupid decisions and I got lucky like in like most of of those Avenues so I would say like the to the people who are like if you just optimize your your posting flow and if you do like you got to make sure your captions are in the middle and you got no [ __ ] absolutely not there's like this weird intangible like if you have it you have it sort of kind of thing and there's like 50% Talent 50% like working really hard on it and like sometimes if you have this 50% you're not going to make it sometimes you got this 50% you're not going to make it if you have 100% of it you might not even make it yeah to this is just such a volatile environment don't do it it's just not smart but if you have the conviction in the drive and if you also can understand that if you do this you'll probably be homeless for like a year or like you might not hit until you're like 40 or you might not hit until you're like 22 like that's just it's just yeah and it also depends on like your situation and stuff too because like there are some people that literally like I know people that whose parents are millionaires and like and they're getting they they're getting their rent paid for and that are like uh like follow your dreams kid you know and then it's like okay um sure try it out I don't know we're we're like 20 and like if you like have stability because your parents are rich like you can follow your dreams you can like some people some people like the stakes are too high to to you know go all in and like uh it's a high risk but like is the risk like it's also like people some people like would literally be depressed working like a 9 to five and like it's worth like the risk like of the dream to like uh because they'd rather die than like working 9 to and in that case I would say follow your dreams but just know like it's Case by case it's very Case by case yes but if someone were to be like Sammy what do you think should I be an influencer I'd be like no I'd be like go to go to college because odds are it's not happening for you like that was like odds are like I'm still like still in like a transitionary type it might not even happen for me yeah like that's just something that you have to mhm like reconcile with you know totally advice from the hypothetical uh nonsense podcast thanks for listening guys uh subscribe to our patreon patreon.com friends today uh follow us on socials youtube.com/ I don't know if that's I don't know yeah uh look on best friends today go on the go on the description click a link tree click the link tree and then all the links are there they'll be everywhere you'll find us very simple very very freeing drop a like drop a comment drop something drop it down low drop a super chat if you have the disposable income what's a Super Chat like you give them like $ five and like my my chat's highlighted anyway chat we'll talk to you later ending the stream off right now thanks for the subtable leader k

Channel: Hypothetical Nonsense

Views: 30,035

Keywords: BFT, Best Friends Today, BestFriendsToday, Hypothetical Nonsense, Comedy Podcast, Hypothetical Podcast, twilight, marvel, hulk

Id: 3VImx1brQJw

Length: 68min 48sec (4128 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 11 2024