Was it childhood emotional abuse?

let's talk about emotional abuse and what you need to know about it unfortunately it's often overlooked because it doesn't leave physical marks on us but the psychological damage can last a lifetime emotional abuse is a form of trauma where one person insults threatens and humiliates another as a way of manipulating and controlling them this can occur in any relationship but when it happens in childhood it can be hard for us to identify for a number of reasons one of those reasons is normalization if emotional abuse was a regular part of our upbringing we may not recognize it as abusive because it feels normal to us we may have even grown accustomed to certain behaviors and not realize how damaging they were another reason is gaslighting emotional abusers can try to convince us that we are the problem or that what we experienced never happened this this can cause confusion and make it difficult to trust our own perceptions another reason is loyalty if we are still connected to our family of origin we can feel a sense of loyalty to them and not want to acknowledge the harm that was done to us we may even feel guilty or ashamed for betraying our family by speaking out and even if we aren't still in contact with them we can worry that people will get the wrong idea about them we can feel protective over our family even if we don't want them in our life anymore another reason emotional abuse can be hard to recognize is lack of Education this type of abuse can be subtle and difficult to identify if we don't know what to look for or if we were never taught about healthy boundaries communication or emotion regulation we may not recognize the signs of emotional abuse so we don't even realize it's happening another reason we might not realize it is fear of consequences if we do recognize emotional abuse in our family of origin we may be afraid of the consequences of speaking out we can worry that we'll be ostracized punished or rejected by our family members another key piece or a reason why we won't remember is that we often don't remember a lot of things from our childhoods especially when it was traumatic or abusive while this is protective like you know often a result of dissociation it can make identif find abuse even more difficult I hear from a lot of you that the only memory you have from something that you think might be abusive is just this one flash or like a picture was taken and so we can think we're making it up or that we're not really sure which moves nicely into my next reason which is that abuse can feel like a big word and the reality is that it's more of a spectrum than a checkbox on one end you have healthy and on the other hand you have abuse and there's a lot of gray are area in between so if it helps to just substitute in the word unhealthy go for it sometimes we can take away the word that feels like it's too much and we can more easily accept that what happened to us wasn't okay overall identifying emotional abuse in your family of origin can be complex and a difficult process so take your time now you might be wondering what does this mean to [Music] me well recognizing emotional abuse in our family of origin might not begin by looking at our childhood it might be easier to start with some of the signs and symptoms in adults that indicate emotional abuse may have happened in childhood and I also want to make a disclaimer here we aren't trying to beat up our parents or caregivers and we're not trying to fixate on things that we can't change like our past we're trying to identify what's going on within our brain so that we can navigate it now in real time in the present and child abuse can have lasting effects on a person's mental and physical health even into adulthood here are seven signs that an adult may have experienced emotional abuse as a child number one adults who experienced emotional abuse as children may struggle with feelings of low self-esteem and self-worth we may have been constantly criticized or made to feel inadequate and this can lead to a negative self-image and difficulty with self-confidence I've heard from my patients over the years that they can still hear their parents talking down to them telling them they aren't good enough even when they haven't lived at home for years number two trust issues if an adult experienced emotional abuse as a child they can struggle with trust issues in their adult relationships emotional abuse can make it difficult to trust ourselves and when a child experiences this their feelings and experiences are often invalidated or dismissed by their caregivers we may be told that we are overreacting or that our emotions are not important this can lead to a sense of self-doubt and mistrust of our own perceptions and emotions it can make it hard to trust others I mean think about it emotional abuse can involve betrayal of trust such as when a parent or caregiver shares intimate details about the child's life with others or when they use the child's vulnerabilities against them this can lead to a deep sense of betrayal and make it difficult for us to trust others in the future emotional abuse can also involve inconsistent or unpredictable behavior from our parents such as alternating between extreme displays of affection and anger and this can create a sense of instability and unpredictability in the child's environment and make it difficult for us to trust others later in life number three difficulty with emotion regulation emotional abuse can also make it difficult for adults to know how to regulate their emotions we can find ourselves suppressing our emotions as we get older as a way to avoid negative consequences such as criticism or punishment this Behavior can follow us into adulthood where we struggle to identify and express our feelings in a healthy way because emotional abuse can involve the invalidation of a child's emotions like being told that our feelings aren't important or that we're overreacting we can have a lot of self-doubt and confusion around emotions making it difficult to regulate them effectively in adulthood number four is learned helplessness have you ever had that sensation where you find yourself looking for the adult in the room even when you're the adult do you feel helpless and childlike emotional abuse can create a sense of learned helplessness in children where we feel powerless to change our circumstances or improve our emotional state this can lead to a sense of hopelessness and lack of motivation to regulate our emotions in adulthood we can feel like no matter what we do we will still be in the same situation number five difficulty with attachment and connection emotional abuse can create difficulties with attachment and connection because as children we learn that it's not safe to rely on others for emotional support or Comfort this can lead to a pattern of emotional Detachment and disconnection in adulthood otherwise known as avoidant attachment which can lead to isol and what I call toxic Independence you know believing that we can or have to do everything ourselves and we don't need anyone else ever number six perfectionism adults who experience emotional abuse as children may have learned to strive for Perfection as a way of taking back control because everything around us feels chaotic and upsetting we can think that if we do everything just right not only are we giving our parents another reason to finally show us the love that we so desperately need but we're also controlling the one thing we can ourselves this expectation of perfectionism can be experienced as a fear of failure we may have learned that mistakes or imperfections are met with criticism or punishment so we avoid taking risks or trying new things for fear that it won't work out we can even seek out validation for every small thing we choose to do because emotional abuse can make it feel like we're always inadequate we need others to tell us that we're not especially since we often internalize the criticism and negative messages that we receive from our parents so we can talk trash to ourselves day in and day out and we can lean on others to help us deal with that finally sign number seven that we've experienced emotional abuse in childhood is that we avoid conflict at all costs this usually happens because we learn that speaking up for ourselves isn't safe we could have been shouted at put down or shamed Until We Cried therefore any conflict means that we are wrong and something's wrong with us this can make it difficult as we get older to set boundaries or assert our needs in our adult relationships we can people please double book ourselves and essentially light ourselves on fire to keep others warm if you recognize any of these signs in yourself it's important to seek help and support from a mental health professional healing from childhood emotional abuse is a process but it's possible to learn healthy coping skills and build meaningful relationships as an adult and if you're looking for more support with this I link some videos below that have more tools and techniques for overcoming this I also have workshops on attachment improving communication healing your inner child and boundaries that can help give you tools and techniques to get started on your healing Journey today just head over to katie.com to check them out thank you so much for watching have a wonderful week

Channel: Kati Morton

Views: 55,073

Keywords: childhood trauma and healing, childhood abuse, how to heal from childhood emotional neglect, how to heal from childhood trauma, childhood ptsd, childhood ptsd into adulthood, childhood neglect healing, childhood neglect effects in adulthood, signs of childhood ptsd, signs of childhood emotional neglect, childhood emotional neglect, childhood traumas how to heal, childhood trauma, abuse recovery, physical abuse by mother

Id: BuXNJCCY1Ms

Length: 10min 4sec (604 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 05 2023