Virtual Metta Retreat (7): Crank it to 11, Include the Neighbors

we have explored who it is that you're supposed to radiate loving-kindness to the buddha goes through all these categories and as i said sometimes people get distracted by the categories and they go systematically through the categories but actually the categories ranging from small middling large born to be born etc are not necessarily to be done in that order or radiated to that order it just means that none of those are excluded so this may help you in your if you've learned it this way and some some people have quite literal on all of these these uh phrases there what the buddha is after is non-exclusion it's not necessarily that you systematically include each of these groups it means that you're not to exclude any of those groups however details uh how do you get started it it's important that you understand that you take it easy and you do it from the easy direction not from the hardest direction you don't start with your enemies that it's better to start with anybody you can do it for and this is very important because a lot of teachers including a lot of monks will advocate that you begin with yourself may i be well happy and peaceful and you must love yourself you must do meta for yourself and then you go on to others and so more or less systematically close to you and so forth again i do not hear the buddha say that uh certainly we should get to the stage where we do include ourselves but in the west particularly it seems that we have a problem with ourselves we're too harsh and critical judgmental about ourselves and the fact that you have access to your own mind makes it worse so here's what the situation is you can see all your motives you can see the interior of your skull your mind you can see your own mind and you cannot see the mind of others you can see the face of others and you cannot see your own face now what does this mean sounds a little obscure but you actually go through your entire life never being able to see directly your face everybody else's face is easy to see but yours is not and you can see it in a mirror but that's not your face that's a reflection of your face so you can't really see your own humanity and this is what we allow when we see other beings even even animals we see their expressions and we walk around unable to see our own face unable to appreciate our own humanity unable to give ourselves some slack and so uh and at the same time we have full access to every kind of not admirable aspect of our minds and our motivations whereas we don't we're only guessing about other people's motivations and minds so this is why in the west particularly that we have trouble with ourselves why we have a poor opinion of ourselves and i think that our hyper analytical society as well so we're most of your education is involved in kind of uh mathematical or analytical type thinking and we're also encouraged to develop critical thinking to find the faults the failures etc in in ideas and situations and so we once that knife has been sharpened it turns on ourselves and it cuts so it's a sword which cuts both ways so this is uh other cultures do not seem to have it in quite the uh spectacular form that the the western culture does i'm not sure how this fully developed it must have some bearing with christianity as well particularly the kind of strong advocation that you are intrinsically a sinner you're born that way whereas in buddhism that is downplayed somewhat there's no particular sinful nature but but there is a lack of skill and so in a way whatever culture you're from and whatever the situation is you'll have to evaluate whether it's all that useful or practical or even possible to start with yourself in terms of loving kindness and if not it's perfectly okay you can leave yourself out all that really matters is that you get the heart warmed up you get your emotional structure warmed up and it the your vision your expansive vision increases and then you can look on any being with this impartial feeling of good will and that is primarily what you're supposed to do with yourself as well i i suggested before also that perhaps you can start recalling yourself as a child maybe uh looking in your early elementary school pictures where you know when you're seven and you have no front teeth sweet child you know what's nothing but good will for that child and now that you're older and have front teeth it should not mean any diminution of your goodwill for yourself and it's not because you deserve it so this is very important very important you do not receive loving-kindness from yourself to yourself because you deserve it that wouldn't be loving-kindness that wouldn't be friendliness it's not because beings deserve it and that's what the buddha is on about in terms of no exclusions don't wait for the one who is profoundly pure and returns your loving-kindness don't wait for that that's not if you if you have goodwill for that being and it might be your your dog he he is unconditionally loyal and appreciates you no matter what and you have good will for him because of those characteristics that's not loving kindness so it's in spite of all these things in spite of the imperfections in spite of the failings that you have the loving kindness and i suppose it's not even in spite of it it's without reference to it so again go through the language of this and say that the buddha is asking you not to have any evaluation of beings when you radiate goodwill to you to to them now this helps with uh towards yourself so you're not asking who you are what your history is how you think what your motivations are you get uh you get out of jail free there's no judgment no none whatsoever and you don't have to wait till you've improved uh to warrant this loving kindness you get it now before you've straightened yourself all out before you're enlightened etc and if you if you think you're not worthy then you you haven't understood this idea of loving kindness so that this loving kindness is valuable and will help you straighten yourself out we'll help you improve in all kinds of ways it will allow you to do this because it will flood your system with this beautiful feeling and this changes your mind about everything so this is this is why the buddha is recommending it without any strings attached any strings attached not loving kindness so you can freely radiate it towards beings without discrimination so some of the aspects of this loving kindness is the buddha goes on to say let none deceive another so this is the wish for honesty or truth non-deception so true love true kindness doesn't deceive however it doesn't always blurt out the truth either there's a time and a place for getting down to the details for suggesting somebody has some some work to do uh suggesting to yourself also that you do have some work to do however if you're in a very fragile negative mood it's not really the time to be listing off the 752 faults that you that you possess this is a very bad idea very unskillful idea and it's just amazing how much capacity people have for articulating every for themselves at least articulating every fault by the way that is the characteristic of ill will that one pays unwise attention to the fault so one has ill will towards oneself one pays unwise attention and magnifies the details of the fault about oneself lovingkindness does not give unwise attention to the fault lovingkindness gives wise attention to the fault it it's not that it can't see any faults but it sees it in the right frame of reference in the right mood and this is how you do it you're not going to be tossed out of your remember the remember loving kindness is the place where when you got to go there it's got to take you so you don't get tossed out because of your failings you don't get tossed out because because of the failings you get helped because of the failings you get assisted you get clever techniques and the buddha is full of clever techniques for improving the situation he's the first self-help guru on the planet buddhist teachings early buddhist teachings are our self-help notice the absence of god in this you'd get to dwell in the heavens but uh there's no bringing in god requiring god to to get you there it's it's you you get to do it with the help of your friends your friends are these people called caliana mittas caliana means beautiful and mitta is very close to metta it means friend so with the help of your beautiful friends you also will dwell in the sublime experience of goodwill and loving kindness so all this all this negativity just melts away and you're left with this this profound feeling and that feeling is is not interested in deception so this is something this is very interesting and affects the this process what we call right speech so the first category of right speeches not to intentionally lie however it's very delicate and very appropriate so the buddha says although i never tell a lie i don't always blurt out the truth i ask myself is what i'm about to say true and then is it beneficial so that's the next thing is that the words uh the and the thoughts that you have towards yourself is you have to ask is my evaluation of myself is it accurate or is it prejudiced because of of ill will so it's only when i actually have good will that i can say i can see the facts of the case appropriately in a balanced way now is this the time to be pondering them and also towards another so is this the time to be telling that person how they could improve themselves or what their fault is or bringing them up criticizing them etc is this the right time and i think we we went back and talked about or in the earlier talks i talked about the criteria for monks to uh to correct another and one of them one of those criteria is is this the appropriate time and time also includes place is this the right time is this the right place do i speak with a heart of loving kindness and are my am i myself free from this fault so when we uh critique another person we're we're not we don't want to be deceptive we're not trying to deceive them but we also are careful with this now there's lots of interesting people around who have no filters they blurt out they they feel in the midst of the conversation they will blurt out the truth but they're missing that capacity to evaluate and decide discerning this is not the right time it's not the right place the person's in such a state that they can't hear this or they'll it will be negative it will not be a benefit to them it will be the opposite so there's quite a sophisticated bit of business here isn't it so this is the buddha is bringing this up again that non-deception is part of this friendliness you're not interested you're you're a friend to this being you're not interested in deceiving that being this is a very beautiful thing this connection of truth and friendship truth and love not to despise any being in any state and that goes right to the depths of depravity and there are beings i don't think that an animal can ever really be called depraved but a human can animals are they're just defending themselves the acting on their nature they really can't cook up elaborate plots of evil humans can they can really go into the depths of evil by the way this evil is just another word for ignorance they would not do that if they understood and knew better they could not do that if they understood and knew better and this is what you see occasionally with people who apparently are you know have committed some sort of evil actions and who later become more educated and aware then they have they have great remorse over what they've done so they did it because it seemed to them at the time was the right course of action and why did it seem that way because they didn't know any better they had the wrong map they had the wrong information the wrong idea of the universe and of their what their course of action in it is so this is uh one is to not and not to generate the slightest anger at the most heinous kind of criminals evil beings and there's lots of things that can happen to us in this life i mean people are genuinely badly treated and just beyond the imagination what happens to people and the buddha is saying don't make it worse how do you make it worse how do you make something that's abuse and abuse and and and the infliction of physical pain and mental pain on on beings you then inflicted on yourself and you inflicted on yourself by hating that person who did that and of course it doesn't have to be to you but anybody you care about and basically when you care and there's lots of good-hearted people that care about all humans and also animals as well when they hear about uh terrible animal abuse they feel very wounded very it saddens them and so forth so the buddha is saying don't let's not add any sorrow to the universe this there's plenty enough to go around the universe is full of pain and resentment and one of the causes a very large cause of pain is ill will or despising somebody you despise people who are cruel and callous and therefore they have got you you have cooperated now and inflicted the punishment on yourself so you must not do that it doesn't mean you approve of any of this stuff it doesn't mean that you won't speak out against any of this stuff it means that you're not going to increase the pain and difficulty in the world because ill will is always a form of pain it's always a form of illness think about that think about the word ill will it's sick will it's the will that is sickening and think about good will and think about healthy will the will it is healthy and good so this is why we radiate loving kindness in opposition to the fact that there's a lot of ill will and a lot of cruelty in the world and we do the opposite because you don't want to increase the ill will and cruelty in the world you want to diminish it and so therefore you swing far to the other side of the scale and you exalt and this can be maintained throughout your all the live long day so this is unusual this is not the way people talk you will see people always i hate that this and i hate that and they're often supported in that judgment and so forth because they're good and et cetera and it doesn't mean that everybody's is is fine or god's taking care of everybody or nobody is evil or anything it doesn't mean that at all means that it's an unskillful response to this situation so then this famous simile even as a mother loves protects with her life her child her only child so a mother and a child so that's uh the buddha gives that as an example i i think there are other kinds of uh loving kindness that also are in the same category are as good as that but i think he gives that simile as a mother loves and protects her child because it's no surprise to us when mothers care about their kids and you see this in the animal world too whatever animals are developed enough that ex actually have to maintain their their offspring they they take they take great care of them and they sacrifice for them and so it's built right into nature all the way from the animals right into the human it's just built into nature the mother and child relationship and the child becomes very dependent and is very trusting of the mother he uses that because it's hard there's no human alive that has not observed this it's an example that you see uh now it doesn't mean that there aren't other wonderful and noble caring kind of relationships there's all kinds of people who care for other members of their family uh there's all kinds of people who are who care for strangers etc and at right at the same level as a mother and child but i think it's just that the buddha is is trying to communicate and he says you know think of a mother who who does really care for her child you see this incredible investment and it's not that the child is perfect or anything like that the child fact the mother takes care of a child that is deformed or missing limbs or intellectually disabled or any of these things emotionally incomplete they also continue to take care of that they don't judge the child they're not they don't despise the child they compensate for that they allow that to be they allow the child to be that way and try to try to do whatever good they can for the child and so that's why he uses that as a model it's not kind of a that you choose a maybe if you go to an orphanage and you want a child and you choose the night the one that looks good and behaves well and all that kind of the bright one and so forth maybe talented one that's not what we're talking about it's the one you get handed so you just get handed this and the mother's heart is by nature compensates for that whatever they get of course not all mothers are manifest that ideal loving kindness and the buddha is just giving that as an example and in fact there's not a lot of people who manifest true loving kindness all the time but it's something to aspire to and to the degree that you do you will be rewarded people wonder why do people go around loving the unlovable because they get the most return on the investment they get the maximum ride in the universe and the buddha talks about this as we as we said before that the optimal most powerful profitable emotion in the universe is this loving kindness there's only one that is worth more and that's an insight into into dhamma which liberates so that is where one is inclining towards the end of this participation in samsaric existence that's insight which leads to the end of the cycle within the cycle there is no higher possibility than loving kindness in terms of its value and it's the repercussions so the the universe is kind of like a reflecting mirror and in fact it's not just a flat reflecting mirror it's an amplifying mirror whatever you put into it it comes back multiple times so the buddha talks about this emotion of loving kindness whatever is done with this the motivations behind this loving kindness come back amplified millions of times and also very negative uh hostile emotions are amplified and returned to you in an amplified fashion so one should be very careful about this and we also should not i think that kind of pop psychology and maybe even mainstream psychologies seems to be very understanding of that people get mad and all this kind of stuff and that they don't they don't really expect or encourage you to kind of transcend those emotions that somehow that's okay etc when it's not perhaps paralytic or resulting in serial murder it's okay uh that's not good enough and i don't think that it's i don't think the harm that ill will does is appropriately viewed in contemporary psychology it's not properly understood and it's not feared enough that hostility and anger especially directed towards oneself is a very very dangerous and is not something that should be normalized and i don't think psychologists or those who develop these theories or whoever those people are get it at a deep enough level and perhaps that's because they themselves have not experienced a transcendent sublime will and until they do they won't appreciate how diminishing the opposite is negative ill uh ill and so forth and they they often encourages people say you know yeah i'd be mad too you know if somebody did that to me yeah you should be angry at your parents all this stuff is very very bad advice from the so you hear here you're seeing the clash of what the buddha is saying about how to feel towards the world and how normative advice from psychology and maybe even philosophers etc are given in the west you have a strong clash of opinions here and you need to make a choice you need to say i no longer go along with the conventional normative language about emotions and etc about of course you're angry of course your resentment of course you feel this the buddha is is not compromising about this there is no non-damaging reference to ill will it's always a problem and loving-kindness is always appropriate it's never disconnected from reality or any of those things it is always connected to reality and it does not impede your capacity to function in life in any way whatsoever so this is very important and this is a very very strong and important clash of opinions which will never be reconciled never so this is one should with a boundless heart cherish all living beings radiating kindness over the entire world spreading upwards to the skies downwards to the depths outwards unbounded freed from hatred and ill will now there we have directions up down all around uh should we do it in that order up down all around is that what the buddha is telling us no again nothing is it's not you're in it's not that you're including upwards and downwards and all around words you're not excluding any direction so they're you're not excluding any category of being and you're not excluding any direction of being so this is like you take it off and it's it's radiant in all directions without discrimination without a particular focus now how do you get there this is where you get all these elaborate techniques for cultivating meta you get to the north to the south to the west of the it's it's to it's not really to to do it to the north to the south to the west it's to get you out of the idea that there are any directions excluded by doing it in those directions so you can jump to the head of the class if you like and just abandon all of the details of loving kindness regarding types of beings and directions of it and just it it's at 100 i'll just crank it to 100 11 if possible crank to 11 and put the speakers so the everybody in the neighborhood is disturbed by it [Laughter] no one is exempt from your radiation of loving-kindness and including you it just swallows you also it goes outwards in words no one deserves it everyone gets it i think perhaps i think i came up with a good t-shirt no one deserves it everyone gets it uh so this is this what is meant by unconditional limitless boundaries but whatever you need to do there are no um nothing is excluded in terms of skillful means to get there use whatever you need start with things that warm your heart and build up from there and that's again the simile of making the fire start with the tiny little dry things patiently let it accumulate get bigger add more dry sticks until you've got a real blaze going and then you can even throw on wet logs they will burn up wet logs what are wet logs wet logs are your enemies your enemies can be thrown on the fire of loving kindness and they also the negative energy will dissolve but don't start with wet logs you will never get the fire going if you start with your enemies start with the ones that are easy to uh generate this heat and the warmth of the of the fire and then keep building it up and everything vanishes in the magic of fire it it's still in the magic experiences you put all this wood in there and it's gone put more wood in it's gone it's just amazing so this is uh this is the essence of this part of the loving kindness suta and uh it appears that we're coming in for a landing pretty soon with our perhaps one more talk on the suta on loving kindness but we're not out of topics because there are other a few other suitors very few other suitors which cover various types of aspects of loving kindness which we will inquire into you

Channel: Ajahn Sona

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Keywords: Ajahn Sona, Birken Forest Monastery, Sitavana, Theravada, Thai Forest Tradition, Dhamma

Id: ThSafPdN_BM

Length: 34min 8sec (2048 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 28 2020