[Vinesauce] Joel - Horrible Phone Java Games

weird opposing phone games no well too bad well anyway so this is sent by Karelian I don't know if gorillas in chat or not but this is a collection they sent of various Java phone games now we played oblivion on flip phone not so long ago and this would be something similar except Karelian has packaged with us a incredible amount of these games some of them are very legit for example the doom RPG game which I have never really played but some of them are like sonic oh six on a phone so without further ado everybody we're gonna be playing goddamned phone games and I'm sure they're all very good do you guys remember even having these games back in the day like I'm talking subscribing to some service and you're like oh look at that games for the phone what and I was just surprised at these things even exist you know cuz I thought this is like the last this is on archived stuff like nobody give a [ __ ] about these games they're like Tiger Electronics games you know they're that bad but apparently not so uh yeah anyway we're gonna do this oh boy now Karelian was kind enough to send us several emulator for this because a lot of them don't work so it's experimental technology that may or may not blow up in my face but I did test it off off streams and I'm gonna sit here for 10 hours just be like it doesn't work alright here we go by the way totally unrelated but I have this on my desktop I don't know I don't know how this got here I know what the context is but okay alright anyway here we go so let me just open up another folder here there he is boys okay well we're gonna start with because there's a lot of these we're gonna start with my gaudy package a ton them this might even be a man this series phone game madness yeah thanks him you'll want to play some cow of duty on your goddamn flip phone what's that you don't okay well that sounds great let's try it out - oh Lord Oh Lord no here we go let me just do this in and here it is oh my god that's that looks real stinky alright oh do you think it comes with sound this is going to be our gonna stream tonight yeah welcome to the aspect ratio boys sonido okay what see No okay I might have to restart this because I think I just started playing this in it is really meant to the call of duty modern what is this okay shenanigans oh okay okay yeah let me let me try this again okay and we do this all right it should be compatible it shouldn't be weird or nothing but I also I this again this is a bootleg toy there's free all that bollocks alright sound on sound on we uh modern for oh my god okay loading training mission what summer 2011 D company 32 US Marine course is storing an urban assault training course legend operates urban assault rate is about to start tetra positions use directional controls to move around I like that one dude they did guys would you prefer if I shrunk down the window into like this so you can see more of it cuz it yes it's a novelty it's a phone but like I think it's better we can like see what we're doing okay thanks you how do I shoot this guy appears poppy all right watch out sergeant okay there was a nearby automatically tap okay automatically tap in this is just like our duties right too but if you are wounded rest a while to recover health pay respects I mean pay attention okay somebody played this back in there somebody had this as their favorite game let that sink in all right got you chapter I got you all ok well now go in here or okay can't go down oh I guess I can't go down but um take cover marine step next to the cough sickle to crouch chipwrecked okay I mean I guess this is the best compromise they could have done you compare this to like retry that was the saddest most patriotic song I ever hear in my life no I'm good thanks Force Recon that was an amazing experience I loved it it was so good but I mean granted they were working with nothing so I in a way I think I did an okay job yes but uh what about this it gets it gets weird here in a second but guys I don't think this is a real game and I'll let you figure out why but check this out enable sound oh yes [Music] [Music] all this think of this [ __ ] mini okay let's let's try it out okay [Music] wannabe Nico I guess how do i how i select [Music] you can't gives [ __ ] neat well let's look at big american titties middle mouse button are five little does not working no no no okay this game is [ __ ] nobody's working oh here we go it just took a while I guess several years have passed since the third Street Saints were betrayed and you were left for dead you wake up from a coma in the prison hospital now it's up to you to rebuild the Saints hang on okay hmm something's off Johnny get that's not gonna get did it did they just slap on random character portraits or four and pretend it's four wow this is this is good huh you know it's better than this game you remember stick RPG on like new grass the shockwave games that was a better game than this but it's a bootleg ok can I steal a cork okay let's not rain in it let me see how I can steal a car I want to see you won oh I'm in the car now oh look this what a great gay man it had music Minh not any longer I just love the fact that they pretend for a while to uh yeah this is real okay okay here we go I'm drowning look at this beep beep it's a desperate game but I mean if you know what I can modern oh here comes the cops cop is a leftover crusty sprite on them I mean for all the phone games are played I think this is like really bad but out of all of them I think this is slightly ok in a way I mean it's it's not very good but for a phone game ok arrest me I'm fine ok stop stop car stopped I've stopped I've stopped wasted Grand Theft Auto 4 that is so cute it's trying to absolute hardest alright buddy you need to get some dough rub on the slackers soon hello police I'd like to report a stolen property theft hmm yeah they ripped up a franchise I'd like to report this place in oh my god ok how about how about Rob civilian stuff soon okay are you happy now Johnny Gat this game is desperate well they tried in a way but wasted you know I never played chinatown wars the set D take aim on D s but friendly that game is pretty good right - that's pretty funny that they tried and Grand Theft Auto 4 but that's not the worst of it - I actually have I have way weirder [ __ ] - oh yes ooh oh yes what if I told you I had this collection is is stupidly beg you I never thought it was this much but oh all you really included this okay fine fine fine whatever fine I'll give it a try I actually I think this one crashes in fact - this one doesn't work Wow really oh my god really okay wait wait wait you'll see what it is you'll see what it is here in a second if it works I think it does there's a problem of this game is in the wrong aspect ratio okay all I can see right now is this Shrek fetus I don't know how to move around said emulator but I don't know what that [ __ ] thing is it's a Shrek baby okay delete you can see the Cyrillic - okay just turn your head sideways this should be a way to slice which the emulators like window right for the record if anybody has any experience with free free to free j2me okay hang on I think I think I saw Karelian earlier but uh new emo no stop snap your neck the right way hang on let me if I can maybe do something here Kryolan came at the chatter and said this server bugging you roughness but police check your email about pranayama Trash Pack I sent a new better working EMU I was able to send it before it's there now how recent is this because I used your your apps newest email you know I mean I can quickly check my inbox if that if you want but okay guys this is gonna be how we're gonna play this okay I can't seem to zoom out of this okay that's all stinky this emulator is and this is the best one so uh tough [ __ ] shrek forever the mo ha ba there are some have a hotel swear soon yeah what the [ __ ] is this what what have you sent me this is an actual virus what the [ __ ] is this hang on no no no no no no my god okay what are the controls are on this emulator thing yeah that's a work I can't zoom in and out but like ZX maybe hang on oh the emulator crashed everybody it crashed yeah I don't think it's Shrek game is worth it I think it's a piece of [ __ ] porn is going to show up it doesn't work alright move it on play something else thanks for cell sanic rolling but it doesn't work alright let's try it again with another game let us try out uh here we go sonic jump what's this hey this looks pretty good actually sonic jumping sure okay yes serger it's a legit game really Oh glue again airplay please be a matey please Bimini it's actually kind of nice looking man who's calling so early in the morning hello Owen hello Sonic oh it's you tails what's the matter don't tell me another one of your ex premier Alice backfire on you again no that's like man big man what's he up to this time by accident caught in a signal the Chaos Emerald Chaos Emerald I can't hear you you're breaking up you have to come to my research facility now or else good beep beep beep well looks like I better do something what's getting ported you're sitting around anyway oh Jesus Oh [Music] whoa is that this is stinky to achieve the highest jump sonic must use a super jump at the peak of his normal jump push select five key while Sonic is jumping to exceed a super jump okay I mean it's not whoring this game apparently a lot of people has played this but I have no idea what this is life lost oh oh no more sound sound and you ran off I guess the ml is for flip phone games haven't been the best developed but it's this doodle jump what's doodle jump in all right no more music you this got a remake you all right I did it oh wow that's amazing not the worst game were played I mean I I've seen plenty of worse games than this it I mean semi works it's not the worst game ever played but you know I think this this is alright if I had a flip phone back in like 2005 and I'm like wow I need some games to play I would have been happy with this and it might not be sent to Sonic the Hedgehog but for it you know for a game to play while taking a [ __ ] hey Sonic be in front of you you know let him inspire your your fecal exhaustion hey kids okay actually this is all right it's Russia I'm a little like Newgrounds game in the way extra life okay well there we go Castlevania is a flip phone game well there's a ton of these games let's get to the boss at least alright Oh sonic Ken so uh question why is it that Sonic mania developers aren't working for Sonic mania - why isn't that Sonic mania us developers are making all the Sonic games from now on then what what a Sega and bother take notes beloved it Shona hey Shona it's me shot at the head saga your digital based show based winners they go home and [ __ ] the prom queen sonic mania was technically fan-made then well just whatever whatever whatever whoever develop it get those guys to all do all the games soon so me Shana Connery when there's winners till they go home and [ __ ] for prom queen okay it's it's alright it's not the worst game as I said well look at this boss to achieve the highest jump Wow oh this Eggman okay can I do it I'm actually gonna win guys I'm gonna win sonic jumping I did it God gamer boys ah hell yeah and not know even know Victor music or nothing what is that robot help Sonic well hang on let me plug into I need to hang on it's you again what do you always get in my way man you were do you think you're taking the tails you need to be taught some manners boy do you really think you'd get away from me in a helicopter okay bye snooping as usual I see him okay neat well that was a fun game I I didn't think that was terrible Joel Robotnik's voice isn't that deep oh well I'm sorry I'm not no no pingas expert alright alright now I want to see there was also Sonic the Hedgehog won on this which I'm really interested in because if we just played a kind of modified Sonic game and here is the recreation of the first game ever so let's give it a try English [Music] oh-oh-oh [Music] music gotta stop there sorry okay it's just not the worst it's trying really hard it's doing a I mean God guys guys like let's ignore the shitty MIDI before a phone this is fine I mean I don't think this is the worst yeah I think this is pretty good yeah I think the worst is the music but yeah [ __ ] believe it Hey geez okay Neil Lipton I found a Chaos Emerald or did I did I not again I think they kind of in a way worse a job with this but given the fact that it's on a phone there's no sound effects yeah why not I couldn't imagine beating this game ago cuz like this game gets really hard and playing this on a phone I don't know [Music] okay well here we go I think the Internet's ruined this song it is a great theme but I can't I can't [ __ ] hear it without having a having a giggle you know like don't don't don't don't tell me don't tell me that the first thing that enters into your brain immediate when you're like haha Green Hill Zone ha ha ha ha ha ha hee you know anyway moving on I think that was fine actually I thought I was expecting way worse but that was pretty damn nice and you know what this is nice though this I'm scared guys this was not a real game this is some bootleg [ __ ] [Music] okay this blowing my mind Sungmin levels this is called the Diana sisters that's a game back and they have ripped off Meyer brothers and there was a lawsuit but now this this copper evoke all my brain okay this ripoff game they took the name of and then apply that name to the real thing like what what the [ __ ] no no no no no no no no what what's up now mushroom did that's not the right sprite but why am i small mark but where's the double pipes [Music] what is this what the [ __ ] is this why is dead guys I think we're about to approach like red territory Oh Mike what the [ __ ] is this why is everything so wrong hang on so small Mario from Mario one person to Mario World on on big Mario [ __ ] [ __ ] is this okay I Texas this menu can I do that through here or limit relaunch this game I need to see what all the games are on they because this apparently Mario all-stars there's all of the games on here which is a [ __ ] quite frankly but let's let's keep on going here Super Mario also yeah [ __ ] often help oh yeah I need some help please one night when the little guy Anna from Milano is in deep sleep she has on a rare dream she came into a mysterious world where everything she is she sees is differ from her normal life Wow thank you for the help Maria Maria Maria Maria what what the [ __ ] what what are these characters sexy sexy female Mario can I go down the pipe and then of course you can where's Luigi guys you want to see the game over screen I don't expect much but [Music] you can moonwalk how yes you can hang on Wow neat neat where I've never played a game like that this beginners [ __ ] fantastic [Music] holgie secret brought their holy key film Olli been me a goose Sven how the theme is wrong guys secret broth their horrid ki holy [ __ ] what the [ __ ] is this lysis by media Schmidt yeah right there's no [ __ ] way [Music] distribute my casa but casa ah no okay wait what the [ __ ] is this I'm really surprised by all this what the [ __ ] it's Casa ah you know that that shitty like porn virus download thing back in the day you downloaded Dragonball Z dot exe Britney Spears they can't be a connection what the [ __ ] Metallica dot exe what the [ __ ] is this distributed by Internet guess one more Mario gamer but let's let's see how long we can get here do you think people actually paid money in this and like you Eva Slavia boys oh that's amazing that's [ __ ] amazing what it exploded it exploded Yugoslavia doesn't exist anymore Joel yeah I'm glad you guys picked up the joke that a contra that no longer exists is playing games from a hundred years ago very good yes moving on we're gonna be playing it a game here that uh very good anyway you go slot exploded in the mario fireball so you you me so let's give it a try nothing can be as bad as what we displayed oh my god it is what the [ __ ] what is this [Music] he also decline a diamond house Milano get audit if I'm slapping the zucchinis hot see einen Zug Zug Zalman Tom see beefin see Presley in a mysterious event in the Alice conflict and assist thanks Mario her spear bender that that meant an end game I tried one more time did you nail that pronunciation I know it my shitty high school German came in I know that some German viewers out there that's like Joel you're not that bad at German I'm not but I'm like yes I yeah I'm stopped try that one more okay first of all you need to see this this screen holy [ __ ] okay we can play as Mario or Sandler guys Mario or seller I think I'm gonna go with salad bro soon Maria get ready [Music] Mario doesn't have any shoe so on what is this music [Music] while Marsh shoes often because if there's no arc button tonight with with Maria without her feet okay no no no I used to imagine like what kind of creepy [ __ ] that would be no no please don't I'm literally asking for Mario with his feet exposed I'm like what an awful idea sorry do not do not do not do this I'm serious do not rob and held now okay I wonder hang on I can't get up in this game is worse than the other one honestly it's terrible but I'm moonwalking again Wow salad bros he stock moonwalking boys as [ __ ] ridiculous Wow I can't believe we found some Mario bootlicks in this collection I mean it's not like a boot like weird [ __ ] stream without this stuff but damn really okay guys moving on but that's funny as [ __ ] it looks playable though am I wrong yes it placed like ooh alright first of all what the hell is this Krillin I sure I sure hope you you like vetted these before because the best movie Russian sounds like a very scary experience let's try it okay okay shamrock games what the [ __ ] is this I know you guys can see that it's chicken whoa whoa [ __ ] is this what the [ __ ] is this what the [ __ ] what the [ __ ] is this a virgin and the baby Satan from hell what the [ __ ] am I am i pissing I'm a baby pissing what the [ __ ] is this [ __ ] all my piss powers out Oh pissing on mummies oh my god I love this game it's amazing you piss on doctors and mummies that's a little piss baby this is that this is the greatest thing ever I'm pissing on grandpa - okay I'm on my piss about to run out hang on I need I need to focus my piss I never ever go here we all how do I get more piss everywhere we go you hey stop that baby's missing okay you gotta aim at their head that's that's how you regain your peepee points oh my god my garden Kill Confirmed guys I can't believe I'm playing this but I have never played a game that features a baby piston you're not supposed to piss on all doctors well I'm getting points Oh God streamer pisses on streamer that's all you do it's it's all you do in this game and then the trumpet of deaths like malls you to death what Gumby holy [ __ ] [Music] he's gonna take you back to the past depreciate against OKC mandarine but before they got there don't beat his beard okay me falou well this game this game ironically I think this game is the best when we played along with Sonic it's almost playable on I'm serious what the [ __ ] because we need we need this baby mortal eyes - guys you know what this baby looks like you know what this [ __ ] baby looks like I just realized it was true now okay well okay okay well seriously though this game [ __ ] amazing I can't believe this little dumb baby guess we have to find out what this actual movie is all about them the it's called the best movie and it's in Russian or something I don't know I don't know if that's true what Karelian named them but apparently that's what it's called maybe I don't know anymore I know what it's my life no it's horrible how horrible are we talking I'm talking like stink bad or like you know yes I have to I have to find out what this is it's a tasteless comedy film interesting well anyway we're gonna move on that was that was a treat really uh but for now we're gonna move on and play something else thank you so much Karelian by the way these games are [ __ ] amazing I can't believe what I'm playing and we're gonna move on and we're playing let's see here oh this looks interesting oh is this was this uh this can't be real right okay well everybody we're gonna be playing all right so be it mmm only the best tonight it's a desperation it all comes in by the way so you know all right here we go yes yes please Oh what the [ __ ] was that create no I don't want to create car thief train your brain classic he never left boys good old Garth even good old la soggy let's give them a try it quick tick to improve your jerk failure is not an option what cart garm is - that is that a threat failure is not an option math that will be 10 right there before there will be 99 numbskull simpleton no pitiful wrong jump hmm cheesy wrong wrong loser you guys are to play that game where Garfield abused us you and cost you a piece of [ __ ] here play that game I have it's my favorite game on the flip phone I'll play it every day resize I can't this is the screen this this is the screen this is what I'm playing on right now I'm serious you won't regret time together unfortunately I but pick the correct image I can see it this is someone's fetish getting berated by Garfield can I get stopped for a second ok well sweet gnome school sweet disabled DPI scaling ok dpi scaling hang on you later guys [Music] probably do this hang on miss which emulates real quick no I'm school no build okay Garfield train your brain okay I think I think we got something here maybe and it may be [ __ ] problem with these emulators that they don't come with controls okay here we go here we go we finally have it in full resolution boys okay how do i how do I select characters and stuff dad I input that in what I unintentionally put in dad no no no no no what the how did I do that okay I did this emulator suckss I can't forget the controls work so I'm just gonna move on but what the [ __ ] how did I do that try Dvorak inputs Dvorak you all right yeah that might work but that's that's ridiculous and I'm moving on let's try out this oh boy I am really interested in how they do this it's Mortal Kombat 3d apparently now how did how did they make a 3d Mortal Kombat game on the phone we're gonna find out I guess enable sound yes [Laughter] okay play game tournament deep within China accessibly only by the by crossing over the highest nearly impassable mantis passes in the okay sub-zero fatality ah guys what do right game great game everybody but is it as good as I don't know you Scott I ready to miss a lot of weird things let me try this game out in a different emulate because there's a ton of these ok Mortal Kombat's I really won't try this one out to be ok let me try this up and see if it works in this one and this one is like terrible because the resolution is [ __ ] on it but it might actually work this time so let's give it a try yeah yeah cool no it doesn't work couldn't make it could it be they made a fake game like it a minute unfinished game you just ripped people off because you wouldn't be able to track down the people making it not on a phone they could be steal your money be like hey by if you're like 5 years old and your look on my phone and you steal mommy's credit card then you know it's mining bitcoins on your phone alright does it one more time we're gonna check out something else and this gets real weird the more I look into this man okay the guys ladies and gentlemen half life in on a flip phone guys I don't speak Russian how do I write life okay somebody translate please does anybody speaks or like it it's a text-based adventure on the way to lambda courts us Kim you later for 3d games okay hang on let's let's try out this came in leadership because there's no way around it we have to do this all right hang on Kim you later all right here we go this might work this might work or it might maybe not might not work thanks again for curling for supplying me with all this fine gameplay oh oh god okay crashed very good very good it's a very good game I would try that again this one doesn't work it doesn't work in Kenya later let strike emulator with Mortal Kombat instead to see cuz that that one might have worked hang on Mortal Kombat 3d that's pretty God worked soon Oh wrong game organ the prophecy was true whoo here we go boys Mortal Kombat yes we'll work here we go here we go okay this emulator has eight oh my God look Johnny Cage scorpion Wow dude it works what the [ __ ] had I selected oh here we go Luke King fatality oh my god round one fight [Music] this is this is this is a Mason let me go for the the Kok grab hang on guys Mortal Kombat 11 this is awesome press 1 okay [Music] was that a fatality what happened Wow cool Johnny Cage wins fatality oh you got a replay round to fight and there's no music this time this this is just fantastic this is so good I totally destroyed me maximum okay maximum and there's no there's no fatalities there's nothing maximum the Johnny Cash is jerk offer no one survives the fury of the Mortal Kombat okay that's that's amazing move this thing on declare declare my taxes what about what they have a website guys if they can't get the [ __ ] name or the company right I don't think it's licensed me boy hey guys I'm going up to Midway you guys want any uh fresh fresh tubs okay that was amazing I can't believe that was a thing but it's true Joel did I make this I it feels like it doesn't it I got MIPS on it okay anyway moving on oh my [ __ ] god this just gets more and more stinky and there's so many of these below there are so many okay let's try this out I get camee letters used to work better now so be my people to play some of the older games we couldn't play before all right um let's see here uh my god there's a lot of [ __ ] in here no no no no another one no no no no no no please oh my god I'm glad I'm glad it's in Chinese but there's no English thanks yeah no English guys Polly for Francois hablas espanol Sparta's C Deutsch boppity boop e italiano mobile gangsters present [Music] linguist s key Jan better Chinese what [Music] there he go what the [ __ ] is that it's like dick that both what is that picnics no the goombas are here though [Music] what is what is this ok can I pause this game what is this what am I looking at it's like sad dong boys sad dongs what what no what ok listen I I don't know what this creature is but I love him almost as much as I love Panther key because he says he's a waste of imagination that nobody likes it's a double sad dong ok good hitbox maybe maybe you can't stomp on it maybe it's like us spiny [Music] okay well what what what's going on what what what what but bonus level or what the [ __ ] I did a level skip I guess but all these controls in guys if you want any spicy extra levels in this just watch my stream I'm sure there's a lot of fans of this game that needs to know the completion at the completion 100% draining we wash my system you'll find out ok this might be impossible to do and the agnus vain they need because these are the same people Gabby holgie atone roki only Jade Marco yeah are no brain pill Mitch Chris you Jane I mean okay this has to be the last of these stinky awful okay first of all I need to see it what's the other one called who's even D no no no no no no no game or in these back okay I'm learning Italian guys it's the end it differs between Jana and mark and no it's not - they're identical and you see well great game we're gonna move on and play this instead here we go guys this might actually be good I am legitimately curious how this works on a flip phone okay does it I know if it's loading or it's calling its side-scroller I mean my current was a Java game but yeah but this is like you know gosh it doesn't work damn it the one game I was actually interested in well all right whatever moving on this this might work this this is uh another half-life game in fact and whoa actually it's winzip somebody put winzip on what the [ __ ] is this a long half-life up I get this that's that's something that's some [ __ ] hey at least we got a half life to apparently on this and we're applying original half-life an hour playing half-life to Citadel storm apparently let's give it a try maybe yeah how do I play this sure let's try that one up okay it's legit I don't think this game is legit and pressing every Start button there is is it point to click oh no I don't think this this game works I think it's broken now I gonna numpad keys it doesn't work it doesn't work unfortunately I don't know even know how I got that to run but yeah [ __ ] that sucks moving on maybe we can play this one it's called half-life counter-strike arena hey this looks a little bit more promising I'm gonna start selecting no so Oh left maybe Rick game guys I really want to see what the multiplayer is cuz what could the theoretical situation be okay well first of all the it okay how could you play a multiplayer game on your [ __ ] flip phone and then what okay moving on not a half-life game worked but uh maybe this one maybe this one you gonna I'm gonna get through one half-life game tonight I'll be damned if we don't do wireless Bluetooth multiplayer you think so because now we're doing this in the other emulator perhaps then this one will work this time okay great game cool it doesn't work moving on I wish you could [ __ ] bind the controls in this shitty Muhlenberg Anton I hate it okay try this one more time up yours for reference see you know I'm not like talking [ __ ] take this up to Google the damn controls well I did nothing shows up alright check this out if I go to the keypad I'll show you did the dual screen here I have four what I'm trying to do so check this out right and then we have this piece of stinky fish right and that's like bad it's very good you tell me okay I think it's broken yeah I think it's broken yep it's [ __ ] hmm there's a hundred percent a keybinding setting I see it right here oh yeah how do hey at least it's 150 percent running so that that's good okay it doesn't work let's move on let's give this one a try it's it's well hmm let's see for this Oh God not this [ __ ] again please great none of these [ __ ] games guys wish I could play them but yeah none of them work unfortunately which is a damn shame because I would have loved to experience some half life stank go to menu view options key map menu view options key map I don't have that option in this I have key pair but I don't have anything else hang on no no oh I see hang on hang on okay I gotcha okay no I'm seven nine five one and maybe hang on guys I press a key map thing and still it still doesn't work you start one more time man this game literally let's not work I've tried everything with it I'm just moving on from it thanks but I just can't do it but I can't do this it's called Mass Effect and oh my god oh oh you actually click what get get that gun what the [ __ ] is going on what the absolute [ __ ] is happening it what the [ __ ] is this it's shitty mass effect and I'm like killing Chewbacca is like dumb cussing and it's like Shephard stuck in like a ventilation shaft and I'm always moonwalking a bit wow this is this this is this is good huh did you get sort of play around with FPS creator it feels like that too oh this is good huh by the way I love how I've got like space bucks well that was amazing well turns out that I think that that half-life game you're not meant to actually control it with your your keyboard I think it's a game where you actually press like the Select oh yes it is I figured it out guys this game is not bound by key [ __ ] it's you press on things you press haba Betty Boop on high at the boob ah you have to be kidding me fever nightmare may ask why they're attracting their heads like foreskins but what what happened gun doesn't select okay so whenever you want to bring up the menu it's an actual JPEG that pops and be like selected by Patton wow this is this is this is good huh why are they coming out of the meets they're coming out of like ground beef ground beef aliens it's the [ __ ] beefs own beef beef beef beef [Music] the [ __ ] is this whoa that's not how does that enemy attacks it never stops shooting by the way I mean it's it's it's the worst half left you've ever played but for a phone game I guess if you want some unlicensed [ __ ] here you go okay good lord okay well now that they know that these half-life games they do work you just have to play with the mouse let's not let's play half-life 2 then okay oh boy okay or no I think this one actually you have to control it with with like regular settings Oh yep this one is some work settle a storm is [ __ ] that sucks I really want to play half-life 2 but what about half left arena counter-strike you this might work this diamond fecn oh please oh yeah this one's [ __ ] this one's [ __ ] we can't play this one but the other one did work so that's that's a sign of relief I guess interesting with another don't see the fortunate we do we do here's an unrelated game that is called ridiculous like yes it's called heavenly skateboard heavenly skateboard let that sink in do i press anything here or oh okay have only skateboard yeah we don't play that one we it kind of sucks okay moving on this one seems interesting it's called well I don't know about you guys but this seems a little unofficial but hey you know maybe there's some gold in here maybe this one gold in here Java ground rolled crackers do you wish to enable audio okay I wish that if I could it's also like a crash II game well Lord creditors do do you wish to unfuck the screen I like to madness the baby talking okay this one does not work either this has been a very glitchy glitchy glitchy stream but what do you expect when it comes to emulating these games you know my god okay well how about we check out this it's called a screed assassin's creed oh I'm sorry oh this might be a real game actually I'm sorry well defiling was just a screed and I I thought it was funny do you want sound yes oh this one works [Music] the power of ass [Applause] [Music] okay well seems to be a game that while such neato [Music] those things like the worst game in the world that spider-man spider-man new assassin joined okay if it's Gameloft it's legit so this game is like some people have played this sorry whenever I get hit it's a snare [Music] the saddest game in existence but that was that was that was better than I thought actually but it's still awful [Music] interesting uh Wow very very unique I'd say moving on here we have a we have a game called Oh oh no oh no there's no [ __ ] way there's no [ __ ] way can actually okay good you go if this works I will [ __ ] a [ __ ] house mats which emulated for this okay guys you won't you won't you will not believe what I found for a flip phone now keep in mind flip phone is very important in this context all right are you ready for this I don't think you're quite ready for this this this might be the biggest piece [ __ ] [ __ ] we played tonight [Music] pokey go [Music] what is this [Music] what new place what is this what the hell is this [Music] what the hell is this [Music] and I can't restart it oh okay let's try to restart this what the [ __ ] Poquette go enable music police information please okay yes please connect dots of the same color with pipes creating a flow you also have to fill the whole board with a pipe to solve the level no crossing overlapping allowed controls okay [Music] who are these people [Music] okay well I mean it's a ripoff Pokemon go on the flip phone I mean who uses a flip phone in this day and age right why was this made then I gotta say that musics pretty uh pretty stinky Russia probably but but but but who are you fooling you know oh God all right then moving on here we going I hear we're gonna get really weird now ladies and gentlemen we have this what is that oh my god duh it's a little stinky okay whole bottom activate the whole bar okay gotcha a whole bar activated Thanks I'm eating cakes or something Wow bless your heart okay send one want to go back to this time we're like nyan cat was a thing in no I say no I want to go back to the days of all your base are belong to us dancing baby and hamster dancin and [ __ ] [ __ ] Mugler now those were the days please add music in the only thing I'm adding tonight is this alright but we still have a large collection here and then I don't if I can get through all of this because it's again it's so extensive but what I probably can do that I think is really really weird this is this I don't know if this is a real game chances are it's not because it's portal 2 in Russian I don't I cannot understand sorry Oh God Oh God I especially don't understand now someone translate please very legit now I understand it means go [ __ ] yourself I broke it I broke portal 2 [ __ ] okay well no portal 2 I suppose moving on Jesus Christ alright let's give this one more try it let's check out let's check out this this looks this sounds legit but it's it all right well that's further ado I give you 3 d counter-terror 3 d counter-terror does not work I'm sorry we were so close boys we were so close in but guess what are you ready I have the best for last yes Sims 3 on a phone masseuse I will play yes it 6 ooh okay I'm just making a dude okay it's him I've all intentionally made Shrek I don't want to mean it up but it just so happens I have okay cool I made me I made me thanks okay I'm done I'm done [Music] baltar voltron how do i progress barbecue shoes on it's acquainted it is it up or I try to select like down here but it's not working [Music] hello MA the girl my dreams top left button [Music] I can make the music slightly drunk if I do this you need virtual keeper to press on okay well tell you what I'm not in the mood to sit around and play The Sims tonight so instead I am moving on from it and I'm going to play Crash Bandicoot all that's what it's called I am doctor Mario I can all mob you a please no Oh crash Medical doesn't work out that like a lot of these games just do not [ __ ] work which is fine but okay well don't visit this site on tile you want to tell some adware and spyware on your computer highly recommend you do not do that instead I say we check out this it is this this is really well gets run give it a try boys here we go [Music] sound on sound on please soon yes and then continue play game oh my God look at look at this smaller this looks legit actually yo we caught him boys something's very wrong with this game man very wrong here little fart a little harder now fall ik the holes will hurt you okay I like how they did the tiles at the top in this section looks a little bit better than the Gameboy Advance version really hmm look at that that's to this very day I said this before it's kind of juvenile but in a way I have I have a little bit of a stigma against Spyro I was talking about this today but even though it's like 100 years later I was a Nintendo kid and all the PlayStation kids they were all weird and they ate bugs and they like snorted ants and just had like eye patches in the in the in the school and whenever you went down to their home and they were like oh what Mario games do you have they're like well I have Spyro Oh Spyro you know and it was like always weird kids so this to this very date when people get nostalgic about Crash Bandicoot and Spyro I'm like no that's not that was not my childhood where's Mario 64 where's Mario too you know and I just felt like why are you guys different what's wrong with you get Nintendo get the good stuff you know and I'm sorry to anyone who had like the PlayStation instead of the n64 back in a but god damn it it was like just weird okay this the boss okay here we go how do I breathe fire spiral-like when I did that Crash Bandicoot stream I did I said one off I had this taste in my mouth of like you know I'm like there's something in my body that's just says you don't like this door because you're all about Mario what if you were double your dose Joel listen I wasn't the one like you know snorting ants and like making glue he's past interesting well tell you what could probably have time for one more game here before I move on to the next one and that's gonna be this this is going to be a total gamble I thought might be a piece of [ __ ] it might not I don't know what we're gonna give it a try it is this oh boy it crashes immediately of course the wood then okay guys it's counter-strike contract ten none of these goddamn counter-strike games have worked I don't know if this one will but oh my god I think it does oh my god oh my god now that's that's a very good choice of font very good okay hatin okay can I can I please play maybe I can do this skip okay here we go huh it's counter-strike it sort of yeah I guess oh my [ __ ] it's that [ __ ] the Buster Sword holy [ __ ] what what the [ __ ] okay I know I know what this game is missing okay we added on a good one we're doing this hang on hang on hang on oh yes I need full stink for this [Music] I literally can't stop shooting [Music] oh [ __ ] nickel cloud there is what what the [ __ ] no what controls will work now what oh okay clothes number 15 SEPA riot Rosalinda [Music] guys how great is that that a game from like 2005 is in fear too like Goldeneye that came out in 97 in a way this game reminds me a bit of gold and I rogue agent did it only else play that on the DS I was the only person in the world I had that game and I loved it for some reason no no no no please please no more okay thanks oh we gotta collect keys remember you like keys in counter-strike all right I won golden eyes sucks okay listen we're gonna move on this is running me a lot of cool than I have in fact have you guys ever heard of navigator he hasn't heard of navigator Oh AWP navigator is this like video game review website that is the [ __ ] best okay this game is unplayable I can't [ __ ] figure this out let me show you their review of Goldeneye from the 90s they were like edgy contrarians before edgy contraries on the internet you have to hear this it is [ __ ] amazing this is a very long time ago but this video has me in tears just just talk good it is apparently this guy reviewing this got paid for these hot opinions and apparently the Navigator today it's like a video game school or something like that I don't know what they're still around just check this out names bond the names bond James Bond Goldeneye is basically a first-person shooter game the genre popularized by doom Nintendo has emphasised the golden eyes not just another doom clone this may be true the golden I hardly redefines the genre graphics are excellent except for the blocky human figures the surface textures are beautiful and you can see far into the distance the graphic is awesome not a slightly lost sniper rifle which lets you zoom in on the horizon to aim at unsuspecting guards wow the zoom feature on this gun can be awkward though especially when you're aiming at an alarm button which you want to destroy there's an easy solution to this problem don't use the sniper rifle for aiming at objects Goldeneye double-oh-seven has 20 stages and all 18 on the low difficulty level and one extra stage for each of the higher two difficulty levels regardless of the difficulty the game is automatically saved after you beat any stage without this feature beating the game would be impossible Oh in fact beating the game is impossible all the higher difficulty levels okay do yourself a favor don't even try them oh you still get an ending with low difficulty and as far as we know the ending does not change along with the difficulty the ending is pretty stupid it reflects the lack of emphasis on cinematic sequences in the game there are very few cinematic sequences and even those scenes constitute only the camera swooping around the landscape of a new level in the ending Bond escapes in a helicopter and then we see him kissing Natalya in the jungle she goes boom James and Deker it's just like a salad of words she goes anyway moon ended credits roll whoop-dee-doo although there's not much plot development in the cinema scenes the actual gameplay what you do in the game keeps the story going on its own moving over to play control you can adjust the commands assigned to each button on your controller without any trouble you will surely want to change from the default controls to make the game handle more like Tora dinosaur hunter the control is not flawless no matter what the setting if you are looking down while walking over a gun you won't pick it up if you're looking ahead while walking over it you will now that's stupid moving the crosshairs is also difficult you can switch weapons safely by pressing start bond will look down at his watch bringing up a menu Cisco seriously you haven't heard [ __ ] in this review yet it's coming up like the first time I heard this I had to like unplug my brain for a bit just listen to this just wait for it [ __ ] some with everything you need to worry about if you beat the game on the hardest mode you will open up hidden levels for the four player minigames which we can't show you because we only have one controller and frankly we don't care about the multiplayer stuff no one buys a game specifically for multiplayer options goldeneye is an excellent game even with its flaws experienced players will be too quickly though so some of you might be better off renting it our last note regarding this game is about the bungee jumping scene look at this it looks like he's jumping without a rope to make matters worse the camera is all screwed up he jumps he jumps again from a different angle what the heck is this some new funky directing style what ok enough of Bond [ __ ] amazing but yeah they are a legit I don't know their story but so many shad said they work with this guy and apparently he's still around or whatever but yeah hang on I'm sorry my my my brain hurts a little bit all right one final video of navigator cuz you know when I review games I think I do a pretty bad job and I really wish I could emulate what a true review were in journalists should strive to be you know there we go it's just she she she she she in his first action game ever Donkey Kong Country what makes this game so remarkable is that it's the first game created with fully rendered graphics what the heck is fully rendered to put it in a nutshell fully rendered means that the characters and all other graphics were created by computer modeling from all sides and angles of the objects thus animation is totally complete and uninhibited using any view of the object well the technology is not incredibly different than that which was used to create the dinosaurs a Steven Spielberg's Jurassic Park or the wonders of the mask one of the best examples of the 3d rendering in this game is the water level the shirt notice James jr. not in threat cite the animation of everything in the game as well as all the backgrounds were created with rendering techniques on the Silicon Graphics computers amazing new technology discovered at rare by Nintendo's Tony Hartmann will be the next standard in video game animation and graphics this technology marks a new era the programmers of Donkey Kong Country were able to stretch their creative minds since Donkey Kong doesn't have a particularly detailed history the main idea the stories that you're trying to get back the bananas that were stolen from your stockpile Kong Diddy are the main monkey characters but throughout the travels on the island of Donkey Kong Country you'll encounter several characters that are extremely diverse in personality from an ostrich named expresso to a rhino named Randy the game is endless thrills and is certainly destined for greatness cranky Kong the star of the original game and also decays grandfather will give you advice throughout the game he thinks you need it hundreds of bonus levels result in a game that will never be boring the music also adds a lot to the game play it loud and stereo dude you can buy the music on CD from Nintendo if your Nintendo isn't hooked up to a stereo system cranky Kong remembers music in the old days but Donkey Kong is truly with the times so to speak his music is great for listening just pause the game to hear the music without the game sound effects speaking of sound effects you'll notice the quality of the echoes in the caves and Donkey Kong's eight noises Donkey Kong Country is truly perfect if you do not get this amazing new generation of Donkey Kong madness you are stupid yes I know that's insulting but it's also the truth if you're a true videogame fan you'll know Donkey Kong madness stupid you are stupid yes I know that's insulting huh huh but it's also the truth love this guy if you're a true videogame fan you'll hesitate in the slightest bit to buy this remarkable piece of video game history play your game you muscled below a rep bottom line get it now the graphics are an example of a revolution play control is very responsive and monkey feeling the challenge is high like that you must often pass several hard levels to reach candy save point the two-player game option is awesome since you can press a to let another player play what's even cooler is the way the game lets the next player pick up where the last player died without interrupting gameplay if you want the other player to play just press a these features have so much more make Donkey Kong Country the game of the decade then this guy hate multiplayer though two levels result in a game but there is an incredible sight the animation she got the Navigator is a interesting guy and I this is from the 90s but yeah you are stupid but it's the truth all right anyway be right back

Channel: Vargskelethor Uncut: Full Joel Streams

Views: 239,972

Rating: 4.9205489 out of 5

Keywords: vinesauce, joel, full, stream, unedited, playthrough, part, vargskelethor, phone, java, games, trash, android, fliphone, oblivion, todd, howard, meme, russian, russia, felix the cat, cat, het, face, baby, mass, effect, shrek

Id: oXjZ4Cw8jtI

Length: 100min 59sec (6059 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 30 2019