Unfuck Yourself Audiobook

this is audible harper audio presents unfuck yourself get out of your head and into your life by gary john bishop this book is dedicated to my three sisters paula elizabeth and sandra my mother agnes and my father patrick we grew together we cried together we stood together and we fought together i am who i am because of you i acknowledge the downbeat and downtrodden the single mothers and unemployed fathers the dreamers and wannabes i am you and you can do it chapter one in the beginning have you ever felt like a hamster on a wheel furiously churning your way through life but somehow going nowhere all the while you're caught in a loop of constant internal chatter and judgment that never stops a little voice telling you that you're lazy or stupid or not good enough you won't even notice the degree to which you believe it or are drained by it you'll just be spending your day working to overcome the stresses and strains trying to live your life and at various points facing the resignation that if you can't get your ass off this damned wheel maybe you're never going to get to where you want in life maybe that happiness you're after or that weight you want to lose or that career or relationship you crave will remain just out of reach these pages are dedicated to those who experience that self-defeating monologue the endless stream of doubt and subterfuge that limits intense everyday life this is a conversational slap from the universe to wake you up to your true potential to unfuck yourself and get spectacularly into your life let's get this thing started in the right place there are two kinds of talk you engage in every day talking to others and talking to yourself you might be one of those who insist i don't talk to myself but in fact most of the conversations you have on any given day are with yourself all enjoyed in the solitude and privacy of your own head whether you're introverted or extroverted creative or practical you spend huge swathes of your time talking to you you do it while exercising working eating reading writing walking texting crying arguing negotiating planning praying meditating having sex on your own and with others you name it and yes you even do it in your sleep you're actually doing it right now don't worry doesn't mean you're crazy or perhaps it means we're all a little crazy either way we all do it so settle in and welcome to the freak show studies show that we have over 50 000 thoughts per day think of all the things you say to yourself that you'd rather not or that you try to overcome or defeat while we have little or no say in those automatic and reactionary thoughts we have a massive say in which of those thoughts we attach significance to they don't come pre-loaded the latest in neuroscience in psychology adds weight to the idea that the kind of talk you engage in has a profound impact on the quality of your life professor will heart of the university of alabama conducted four experiments in which participants either recalled or experienced a positive negative or neutral event they found that people who described the neutral event in ways that suggested it was ongoing actually felt more positive and when they described a negative event in the same way they experience more negativity in simple terms the language you use to describe your circumstances determines how you see experience and participate in them and dramatically affects how you deal with your life and confront problems both big and small the connection between what we say and how we feel has been known for hundreds if not thousands of years philosophers like wittgenstein heidegger and gadamer all knew of the importance and significance of language in our lives wittgenstein said the harmony between thought and reality can be found in the grammar of the language the good news is studies have continually found that positive self-talk can dramatically improve mood boost confidence increase productivity and more much more in fact as evidenced by professor hart and his studies it can be one of the key components to a happy successful life the bad news is the reverse is also true negative self-talk can not only put us in a bad mood it can leave us feeling helpless it can make small problems seem bigger and even create problems where none existed before here's the breaking news your self-talk is you over and in ways you can't even begin to imagine with all of this in mind let's get one thing clear even though this book is about using the right language to improve your life i'm not suggesting you suddenly take on positive thinking or personal affirmations these subjects have been done to death with varying degrees of success and are certainly not what we'll be doing here i won't ask you to tell yourself you're a tiger as a way to unleash your inner animal firstly you're not a tiger and secondly well you're you're not a tiger this all may work for some people but i'm much too scottish for that to me being told to do these sort of things feels like being force-fed a bucket of maple syrup liberally sprinkled with bits of last year's candy canes thanks but uh no thanks for all my positives out there sorry but we're taking this baby in another direction this book is designed to give you an authentic leg up one that feels genuine and right for you and can propel you into greater levels of your true potential the difference between success and failure if human emotions largely result from thinking then one may appreciably control one's feelings by controlling one's thoughts or by changing the internalized sentences or self-talk with which one largely created the feeling in the first place that quote comes from albert ellis one of the forefathers of modern psychology ellis found that how we think and talk about our experiences shifts the way we feel about that in short earth thoughts are bad fellows with our emotions ellis also found that the way we think can often be completely irrational consider how many times you've told yourself something like i'm so stupid i always mess things up my life is over or some negative description of an event like this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me raise your hand if you've ever completely overreacted to something that in hindsight barely registered on the important ometer okay put your hand down people are watching you're starting to look a bit silly if you look back you'll see that in the instant before that seemingly random overreaction you had a flash of outrageous self-talk bang and off you go with your good self some of the things we say and do aren't always particularly rational but we seem to say and do them anyway in addition we never really see what we're leaving ourselves with or the emotional residue of engaging in even the mildest of negative self-talk you see it's not always dramatic self-talk sometimes it's subtle but equally disempowering if you're working on something you might think this is so hard what if i don't finish in time or worry about all the different ways you can mess up which leaves you in an anxious or worried state sometimes negative self-talk leads to anger sadness or frustration that manifests in different or seemingly unrelated situations this kind of self-talk doesn't make your life any easier the more you tell yourself how hard something is the harder it will actually seem unfortunately since we are constantly listening to a steady stream of our automatic inner thoughts and have become so accustomed to the critical voice in our heads we often don't realize how negative thoughts impact our mood and behavior in any given moment and as a result we end up doing or not doing things our rational minds wants us to for a simple example take a moment to think about the daily chores you dread the most all because you've built them up in your mind to be something worse than they really are we sometimes avoid simple things like folding laundry and unloading the dishwasher when they actually take a little time and effort with enough of these little persistent items hanging around it's easy to collapse them in with the bigger more important things until we find ourselves overwhelmed or exhausted by life why do we resist certain things in our lives we have a personal conversation about those kinds of tasks that is firmly rooted in some negative opinion look in your own life for your stuckness and you'll see what i mean you have a pretty serious self-talk blockage how language changes our lives the way we talk doesn't only affect us in the moment it can seep into our subconscious and become internalized at changing our thoughts and behavior in the long term in real everyday terms the way we talk to ourselves and others instantly shapes how we perceive life and that same perception directly impacts our behavior right there in the moment ignore your perceptions at your peril even worse live with the illusion that you don't have perceptions if you're sometimes talking about how unfair life is you'll start to act according to that view perceiving slights where none exists or as studies have xiang putting less effort into your work because you've already determined it won't accomplish anything the unfair view will quickly become your reality on the other hand the person who views success as if it were just around the corner will not only work his butt off to achieve it but be energized and alive to it and all the while acting on that fundamental view of success to be clear believing you will be successful is only one albeit important part of success by the same token there is a way to accomplish great things without that belief although the ride will be a bit rougher if you're worried that you don't have that kind of personal belief read on marcus aurelius the stoic philosopher turned roman emperor said here is a rule to remember in the future when anything tempts you to feel bitter not this is misfortune but to bear this worthily is good fortune it's entirely within our power to determine how we think about and talk about our problems they can be a nuisance or a stepping stone they can hold us down or lift us up in fact stoic philosophers like aurelius believe that outside events hold no power over us at all we create our own reality with our minds reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears that's another quote by marcus aurelius take some time here to ponder that statement how willing are you to consider that your life is the way it is not because of the weight of your circumstances or situation but rather the weight of self-talk that pulls you down that what you think you can and cannot do is influenced much more directly by some subconscious response than by the reality of life itself if you keep looking out there outside of yourself to your circumstances and feverishly working to get out of them you'll keep getting the same response no power no joy no vitality at best it's a seesaw of success disappointment happiness and despair sometimes your circumstances just don't change sometimes they stagnate and crystallize what if that thing you're working toward that thing you're sure will make you happier better or more confident doesn't happen what then even if it does arrive someday what happens to your life between now and that day this book will require you to seek the answer not out there but inside of yourself it's not that you have to find the answer you are the answer as i've said to my clients many many times people spend their lives waiting for the cavalry all the while never realizing they are the cavalry your life is waiting on you to finally show up retrain your brain one word at a time all this talk about our subconscious isn't just a bunch of psychobabble scientists have discovered that our thoughts can actually change the physical structure of our brain this phenomenon neuroplasticity is revolutionizing the way we think about the human mind as we go through life learning and experiencing new things our brain is constantly arranging and rearranging the neural pathways that control how we think and behave the best part is we direct our thoughts in a way that consciously modifies these pathways for ourselves and the easiest way to shape those thoughts is through conscious decisive self-talk the kind of talk that cuts through and takes control of your life just like we build habits by repeating an action until it becomes automatic we can use strong assertive language over time to create lasting change in our lives it's more than just happy thoughts don't break out the candy canes just yet you're affecting your brain's very biology we can determine our emotions by steering our thoughts we can shape those thoughts by being conscious of and diligent about our words and the kind of language we engage in a lot of this will come down to your basic tolerance of your current mindset and your willingness to change it it all starts by making a conscious choice to talk in a way that's helpful rather than harmful by using the right kind of language and framing our problems in a more readily accessible light we can quite literally change the way we see and interact with the world all that stuff you've heard and read about creating your own reality it's not only possible but millions of people the world over are already doing it and the best part is they're not only creating it they are in fact acting on it and living it remember no matter how difficult challenging or pressing life circumstances can be how you fundamentally relate to and engage with those circumstances will have the biggest say and how they turn out again the answer is inside you rather than outside you how we talk think about and therefore perceive our surroundings is the very foundation for a reality create the reality you want to live in by beginning the process of having the kind of conversations with yourself and others that actually shape that reality a simple way that i reframe my own everyday problems is by relating to them as opportunities they instantly become items in my life that i use to educate and expand myself i become curious and engaged with them rather than my usual default annoyed and frustrated self assertive versus narrative how the heck does one create their own reality by shifting your self-talk from being a streaming narrative where you talk about yourself others and life a dialogue of opinion and judgment to being assertive where you cast all of the default noise aside and assert your power right here and now one of the first mistakes we make is when we talk about what we're going to do or who we will be don't even get me started on should or try subconsciously we are already determining when that will be happening and it's certainly not in this moment of time one of the reasons why we so often abandon new year's resolutions is because they usually use language to describe what we're going to do i.e later all too often they begin with what we're not going to do which leaves us enthusiastic at the beginning but out of juice when faced with the inevitable moment when reality takes a swing at your face you'll be standing there alone and the giant hole in your life left open by that behavior that you're apparently stopping those are the moments in life when your internal dialogue runs riot what if you've promised yourself to lose weight and are craving pizza or if you promise to save some money but that jacket you just can't live without is suddenly on sale how does one deal with those moments when the enthusiasm winds and those old thought patterns re-emerge what are you going to do instead assertive self-talk is when you stake a claim for this moment of time right here and now when you start to talk in terms of i am or i embrace or i accept or i assert all of which are powerful and commanding uses of language rather than the narrative of i will or i'm going to the physiological and psychological impact of using in the moment assertive language is not only powerful it has a very real in the moment effect there's a massive difference between i am relentless and i will be relentless one of those statements intervenes in this moment of your life the other lives more like a description of what's to come rather than what's here all of this will require you to try out assertive speaking in your daily life and catch yourself when you're using the more general narrative kind of speaking using this book in this book you'll find my hand-picked selection of personal assertions to empower enliven uplift and embolden you to take action in your day-to-day life you'll also see quotes from famous historical figures philosophers and snippets of scientific findings all of which are there to add weight to my approach but not to prove it while all of this is well and good the only real way to read and interact with this book is to explore it for yourself and try on what i'm saying take the time to think ponder and experiment for yourself there is no greater knowledge than the knowledge you have verified for yourself in your own experience if you take on the following pages as a personal experiment rather than an assessment of the content you just may end up experiencing the most radical life-changing exercise you have ever engaged with some of this will confront annoy jar and exasperate you fine get over yourself and read on like a good movie it all comes together in the end if you're easily offended stop reading now and re-gift this to someone in your life who you think might benefit from it i hope that this book will help you understand the complexity and power of self-talk and how to use it as a force for good in your life while we are not going to delve into the creative and destructive forces of language you'll get a sense of the ways in which your life experiences are formed and shaped in your everyday thoughts and internal conversations these pages will require you to think to cognitively connect your language and your feelings in a real and conscious way with your everyday life to explore the vast landscapes of life that present themselves when you begin to understand the magical connection between how you speak and how you feel i recommend reading the book in its entirety and take notes you can flag the parts that ring your particular bell that being said i've designed this book to be as accessible and useful to as many people as possible each chapter though part of the whole stands on its own so you should dip in and out of it as much as you like use this book up troll through the words for what you need to make the difference in your life until its pages are tired and weary from your appetite for change in the day-to-day living of your life you probably won't need to keep poking your nose in here forever although you might and that's okay so the real intention here is for you to use these ideas as a starting point whenever you're stuck or in need of rejuvenation at those times dive right in drink from these pages and unleash the kind of you that the world has yet to see enjoy chapter 2 i am willing you have the life you're willing to put up with think about it what are the problems those heinous dark shadows currently spoiling the warmth and happiness of your otherwise blissful life do you hate your job are you in a bad relationship is there something wrong with your health fine get a new job end the relationship change your diet and exercise or locate the kind of help you need seems simple doesn't it even when it comes to the things you seemingly had no say in like the death of a loved one or losing your business you have a massive say in the ways you live your life and the aftermath of those events if you're not willing to take the actions to change your situation in other words if you're willing to put up with your situation then whether you like it or not that is the life you have chosen before you think but or start to get your knickers in a twist let me say one more thing by defending your circumstances as they are right now you are actually making a case for being where you are give it up no buts you can't afford them they're excess baggage on a trip that requires you to travel light circumstances don't make the man they only reveal him to himself that's a quote by a picturetus as epictetus points out the true meaning of who you are won't be found in your circumstances but rather the way in which you respond to them to start this new process you must first stop another one stop blaming luck stop blaming other people stop pointing to outside influences or circumstances stop blaming your childhood or neighborhood this approach is fundamental to everything that i talk about in these pages you cannot i repeat cannot dwell in any blame game in your life even blaming yourself is completely useless of course you'll face situations that you seemingly can't control you may even face tragic circumstances like disability disease or the death of a loved one but there is always something you can do to impact those circumstances even if you've had them for years and still can't see a way but first you must be willing to fully embrace my approach you must first accept that while there are things that have happened in your life that you had no saying you are 100 responsible for what you do with your life in the aftermath of those events always every time no excuses the dictionary describes willingness as the quality or state of being prepared readiness in other words willingness is a state in which we can engage with life and see a situation from a new perspective it starts with you and ends with you no one can make you willing and you cannot move forward until you are willing to make the next move when you're finally willing you can literally experience that willingness that innate freedom that courses through your veins and similarly when you're not the kind of primordial stuckness that halts and presses down on you like some invisible white on your chest believe me i hear you i am willing but every time you add the butt to the end of that statement you turn yourself into the victim in my many years as a coach and mentor i've heard as many complex life situations as there are from the darkest of pasts to the weight and gravity of the present or crippling fear of the future i've heard them over and over and over again you have to hear what i'm saying in the way that it's intended i'm not saying these things to inflame you well maybe i am but the intention is to inflame you to your own potential to make you realize your own greatness not just to piss you off take the case imagine for a moment that willingness is missing in your life not some wispy sheepish willingness but rather a bold willingness the kind of willing state where you are ready for what's next and ready to act on it to change willingness to let go willingness to accept real magical inspired willingness finding the door fate leads the willing and drags along the reluctant that quote is by seneca either you control your destiny or your destiny will control you life won't stop for your pauses and procrastinations it won't stop for your confusion or fear it will continue right along without you whether you play an active part or not the show will go on that's why one of the first personal assertions i teach to my clients is i am willing before you can say that to yourself honestly you must first ask yourself the question am i willing that question demands an answer it can't just be left there in the nothingness of the universe am i willing it pulls for a response am i willing its power is irresistible i cannot escape its press for truth am i willing to go to the gym am i willing to work on that project i've been putting off am i willing to face my social fears am i willing to ask for a raise or quit this shitty job in short are you willing to stop living the life you have and start living the life you're after it all begins with the emergence of willingness that liquid constantly expanding and contracting state where life springs and seeds and all of it is within you at the flick of a linguistic switch we often view ourselves as procrastinators or lazy or unmotivated when in reality we're simply unwilling we put things off or avoid them completely because we tell ourselves we just don't want to do it or that we can't do it instead of viewing this behavior as a character flaw let's create a sense of willingness where there's apparently none a spark of potential if you like you are a master generator of the state of openness and potential once upon a time in your life this state was easy to access enlivened by the vigor of youth or the curiosity of childhood somehow over the years we lost touch with this magical state the famous philosopher and political scientist nicolo machiavelli once said where the willingness is great the difficulties cannot be great consider that for a second it does not matter what you're facing in life which obstacle you're trying to overcome if you're willing to generate that state of willingness that's your doorway to making the effort taking the steps dealing with the setbacks and ultimately creating the progress and changing your life that you're seeking that's why such a simple statement i am willing is so profound you become enlivened and empowered by its promise open to its allure i ask again are you willing when the door is closed maybe you are in fact unwilling in many cases that may actually be the best answer you can give sometimes declaring your unwillingness can be just as powerful as declaring your willingness are you willing to live with a body that's unhealthy no are you willing to continue living paycheck to paycheck no are you willing to put up with unworkable unsustainable relationships no i am unwilling unwillingness ignites resolve and determination it provides an access to taking a robust and urgent approach to your situation when you're unwilling it often represents a line in the sand where you're no longer willing to go back the way you came only when you're unwilling to continue just simply existing feeling unsatisfied and unfulfilled will you make the effort necessary to make a change only when you're unwilling to put up with the any longer will you grab your shovel and start digging at times there is no greater motivation to change than the unwillingness to do this any longer which one works for you in your life currently i am willing or i am unwilling can you see how being unwilling can potentially be just as powerful as being willing depending on the circumstance some of us feel more empowered by the assertion i am willing while for others declaring i am unwilling gives them strength and resolve you might find yourself motivated by both equally depending on the situation whichever category you fall into you can not only shift the personal assertion you can reframe the way you approach your problems for example are you willing to find a new job yes i am willing are you willing to stay in a job you hate no i'm unwilling both assertions can be just as effective it's up to you to determine which one fits your persona and situation which one does it for you the power of purpose there's another way for your unwillingness to free you from the hamster wheel because sometimes it doesn't matter what you ask yourself or how many times you've said it you just can't muster the willingness long enough to change anything you might well be one of life's great starters but not finishers at the end of it all you might have to face the code reality that you've been all too willing to remain the same you've been unwilling to fundamentally change your life and lose that weight for good that somewhere in there you're okay with living this way i mean come on you must be or you would have changed it by now at some level you must have some tolerance for having your life turn out like this that's actually okay getting straight with yourself about having made the decision to stay where you are can be just as powerful as a decision to move why because sometimes recognizing that you willingly put yourself in a place where you are unhappy is often all the impetus required to make an opening for real and lasting change this has to be done without blaming yourself and turning yourself into a victim of some internal blip or character flaw and the moment you realize you have cognitively and systematically put yourself here guess what that's right you can cognitively and systematically get yourself out this is also the foundation of granting yourself the grace of acceptance of embracing what has been and daring yourself to reach for an unimaginable future he is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not but rejoices for those which he has that's another quote by epictetus by stating and facing your unwillingness to change you can take stock of yourself and your life and begin to create a sliver of light for you to at least start the secret is once you've separated the task or whatever it is you're dealing with from the drama of the past you may find yourself more open to tackling it you'll be able to get past the emotional swirl and straight to the heart of the issue itself reaching for the stars with short arms some goals simply aren't connected to a reality don't get me wrong i'm all for reaching for the stars and striving for things that seem impossible for instance we'd probably all like to be filthy rich but are you willing to do what it takes to make that much money are you willing to work 60 70 or 80 hours a week or skip vacations to do the work that needs to get done are you willing to take on more responsibility and importantly risk it all have you in reality confronted and dealt with what becoming filthy rich might really demand of you the seemingly endless drain in your life and mind space earth society has produced such a headlong rush to be the wealthiest the smartest the prettiest the best dressed the funniest or the strongest and somewhere in there we have lost the ability to just be ourselves free to breathe life and choose our own path rather than carry the burden of social or familial expectation what does all that produce well a lot of disappointed and unfulfilled human beings that's for sure that doesn't mean you should stop pursuing amazing life goals if that's what you really want it also doesn't mean you should let yourself stagnate and stop improving either there's nothing inherently wrong in working long hours and sacrificing your quality of life and some people might be perfectly content doing so in order to make the income or get the career they want but so many of us have actually forgotten why we're pursuing what we're pursuing in the first place all too often we focus solely on what we don't have even though deep down we don't really need it or perhaps even want it when i lay these things out you might be nodding your head he's right i don't need to be a millionaire or i don't even really want six pack abs which of course is all fine until the next time you see that nice car and think why don't i have that or when you look at the cover of a magazine and wonder why don't i look like that or why aren't my clothes that nice making sure we're striving for what we really want requires a constant check-in with ourselves it's not a one-and-done deal if you really want those things then go get them begin today lay out your strategy deal with your reality and most importantly take the actions required and take them often but if you're not willing to work an extra 10 or 20 hours a week just to drive to work in a bmw instead of a honda give up the complete waste of precious headspace to yearn for it stop pretending to yourself deal with your unwillingness to take on the kind of actions accomplishing those things would require and accept that you have been bullshitting yourself you'll have a lot more capacity for loving the life you do have and create some room to begin striving for the things you actually want in life i am unwilling to give up all my favorite foods just to have the body i did when i was 20. i am unwilling to trade time with my family for an extra zero in my paycheck facial reality once you adopt the mindset of i am unwilling you'll no longer be filled with guilt resentment or regret every time you see something you think you want you'll be in a place where you're connected to and in tune with your real life and if you really want to pursue those things in the future you'll be able to locate yourself from that reality and plot your road to accomplish them chart your path one of the beautiful things about really taking a hard look at your life and goals is that doing so forces you to re-evaluate the path that leads to them is exercising 30 minutes a day really as impossible as your mind has built it up to be sure you're going to get a little sweaty tired but you can throw on your favorite music to help the time go by faster and even though it might start out painfully you'll eventually get used to that and grow stronger what's the worst thing that can happen if you offer your idea in that meeting it gets shut down so what even if you're faced with bigger tasks much bigger tasks like years of back taxes a hoarder's paradise of a garage telling the truth to someone you've been lying to the path to change starts with that same glimmer of willingness in mind we all tend to build things up in our minds to be a lot bigger than they really are telling the truth becomes a trek to the sahara desert and back if that's the case for you try breaking the task down into smaller declarations of willingness to stand up get out of bed open my email etc of course you might well be dealing with something much bigger than these examples but even when you ramp it up the same model works exceptionally well let's say you've been holding on to a dark secret maybe you're ashamed or guilty or resentful perhaps this is something that could change your life in a significant way am i willing to tell the truth to that person i've been lying to when you frame it this way coming clean becomes an occasion to talk listen and then deal with the consequences you might be dreading it but you can do it it's not the task that's important it's the life that's available after that's at stake here when you are free to be open and available with nothing held back no lies no withholds or half truths you really are your most expressive most alive self most of the time the task we are actually facing is a lot simpler than we think it is the problem is we usually don't take the time to really look at it some of the things we face certainly can be challenging but at the same time what's on the other side of those challenges is a life of our dreams a life where we are willing and open and inspired to take it on make that assertion i am willing plant your flag when you start to view the world through the lens of what you're willing and unwilling to pursue rather than what it seems you want and don't want things start to become a lot clearer instead of wasting time worrying about the things other people have you'll start focusing on what's really important to you in your life you realize that once you replace envy lust and desire with a willingness to change your life for the better things really start to take shape when we understand what we are genuinely willing to do we take back control over the subconscious thoughts and feelings that previously directed our behavior away from where we truly wanted to go you have the ability to determine what your truth is and not from some subconscious glitch that keeps popping up from the past either but instead from your cognitive and conscious self from the power of intervening on behalf of yourself willingness is a truth a true beauty that only you can generate no longer will thoughts like i'm a failure because i'm not a millionaire or i'm lazy because i'm not a size six have the power to make you feel like crap because you've owned your choices once you frame the obstacles in your life as a matter of willing and unwilling instead of weighing yourself down with negative opinions of yourself and your circumstances you can break through the self-imposed barriers that are truly holding you back you can see through the distractions of self-talk and drama you'll realize that when you're willing to do what it takes nothing else matters you won't put off the things you're truly willing to do you won't neglect the responsibilities you took on because you'll feel the strong sense of willingness to do them willingness it's the lifeblood of the new the infinite well of possibility and potential a state where new futures arise and a whole new you can begin ask yourself am i willing over and over until you can hear it first thing in the morning last thing at night while you're driving while in the shower am i willing ask ask ask until a resounding yes echoes through your consciousness i am willing i ask you again are you willing chapter 3 i am wired to win what if i told you that even when you think you're losing in life you're actually winning that everything that happens is really a victory it's true and that's not just some feel good self-help mumbo jumbo or a sales line that i'm feeding you you're a champion you've knocked out goal after goal cruising to an undefeated record everything you set your mind to comes true you're probably starting to think i've lost my mind or maybe even that you've lost yours perhaps you're convinced i'm talking to somebody else anyone but you let me explain before we both end up like a couple of basket cases imagine this scenario for what seems like all of your life you've been searching for love that one special person to share your life with but up to this point it hasn't happened remember this is an example you can use any area of your own life where you have experienced being stuck in a cycle you've met people had relationships but all of them ended somewhere short of forever you and the one just never materialized the fairy tale inevitably came to an end often a very familiar kind of end after a while you start losing hope you start to wonder whether you will ever meet the person of your dreams maybe you and relationships just aren't meant to be will anyone ever love me am i worthy of being loved why do i always seem to attract the same types of people you look back at your childhood to times when you didn't feel loved enough or periods of adolescence where you felt like an outsider or past relationships that played out like a scene from the movie groundhog day except with different players each time so frustrating then one day you meet someone you go on a few dates and you find out you really enjoy each other's company things are coming along nicely as the days stretch into weeks and the weeks into months eventually that day comes when you can't help yourself you exchange your first i love yous not only are you in love but you start to wonder could they be the one could this be it the bliss excitement and possibility are invigorating and enlivening at some point however the dark clouds of doubt start rolling in it starts in small ways that grow first slowly and then all at once the storm finally breaks loose no sooner are you in love then you start to fall out way out the smallest things turn into arguments the chemistry slowly evaporates until your relationship is a desert barren and dry and you're left with the soul-destroying basics of just trying to get along not again at some point you both can see it's not working perhaps you reach a breaking point and have one or a number of those nasty fallings out maybe it just slowly dies until you eventually decide to pull the plug either way you eventually go your separate ways oh well your heart crushed but somehow resolute that eventually things will turn out for you someday except they did even though it may look and feel like a loss this was in fact a glorious resounding win a victory from the gods hurrah the truth of it is you are winning at the life you have what if i don't want this life fine but this is the one you're currently winning at building the mystery how could i possibly call a failed relationship a win well i'm not about to tell you how you're better off without certain people in your life i'm not going to assure you that you're a special little snowflake who will find the perfect person when you're ready i'm not gonna buy into the self-righteous bumper stickers and internet memes that tell you how great you are and that everyone else is the problem you and i both know that when it comes down to it that's just not accurate nope you wanted that failed relationship because you achieved exactly what you set it to accomplish in the first place from the very first hello but but my partner wasn't stepping up they ruined it i got that but what if you subconsciously picked that person in the first place the kind of ideal character to recreate the same vignettes of life over and over and over what if you are actually driven to prove the notion that no one will ever love you what if it was planted there as a subconscious reaction to a turbulent childhood bad breakups or the like what if with this pattern buried deep in your subconscious you actively and deliberately undermined the success of your own relationship you became sensitive to problems where there were apparently none you started picking at getting annoyed by and blowing up at the tiniest of things over time you proved your point and the relationship reached its obvious final and natural conclusion what if this is what you've become wired to win it you were convinced you weren't worthy of a loving relationship so you systematically set out to prove it and you succeeded congratulations if you think this is starting to make you sound like a hopeless cider masochist don't worry there is a silver lining in all of this you may not relate to the example i described maybe you're happily married to the love of your life or perhaps you're beating off eligible suitors with a giant stick look at your own dark spots the parts of your life where you're most ineffective where it seems like you have lost or are currently losing you see our thoughts are so powerful that they're constantly pushing you towards your goals even when you don't realize what those goals actually are your brain is wired to win it doesn't just apply to your relationships this dynamic is at play in your career your fitness your finances and everything else you do you are hardwired to win which brings us to our next assertion i am wired to win you're always winning because your brain is wired to the trouble comes when what you really want on a subconscious level and what you say you want are different sometimes radically so ruler of your domain in his research dr bruce lipton the famous stem cell and dna scientist found that 95 of what we do in our day-to-day life is controlled by our subconscious think about that for a moment that means that out of all the things you say or do only a tiny fraction of them are with a true sense of volition think of all those times you lost track of time drove home couldn't remember a single thing about the journey i forgot what day it was for the most part you're basically on autopilot mindlessly gouging your way through life's predictable muddy field the path you follow through life is the one dictated by your deepest most inconspicuous thoughts your brain is constantly pushing you along that path whether it's the one you would consciously choose to take or not can't seem to increase your income can't seem to lose weight have you considered the subconscious concealed beliefs about your income and your weight that might be driving your action or lack of it you automatically relate to yourself as belonging to a certain economic class with a certain level of fitness and your actions serve to keep you in place right where you're most familiar to yourself i like to say that we win in domains or worlds let's say you make thirty thousand dollars per year that's a domain all of the planning strategy and thinking you do to make that money constitute that domain believe it or not it's not necessarily any harder to make sixty thousand dollars than it is thirty thousand dollars you may think it is but that's not an absolute whether you work for twenty five dollars per hour or fifty dollars per hour four hours of work is still four hours of actual work while it's important to identify what you're at work on and whether you're being productive instead of just busy sometimes it really is a question of getting yourself into another domain how does one do that firstly you have to uncover and realize the ways in which you've limited yourself the kind of absolutes that you're currently unaware of in short the conclusions that you've come to about yourself others and life itself those conclusions are the limit of your potential it's only when you've broken through those conclusions and can experience a life outside of your current existence that you can start to understand the power of this phenomenon while i appreciate that it seems like an overly simplistic view of life it's a view that can open you up to whole other worlds of accomplishment although that's a conversation for another time in this instance take the case that your life is split up into particular domains that you are existing in and winning at the point is you're winning in whichever domain you're playing in you're wired to win in that domain what it takes to move out of that domain is going to require some significant changes to your automatic find your winning edge still not convinced it's time to turn the mirror on yourself and find out exactly where your winds are coming from look at your problem areas where in your life are you struggling most is it your career is it a negative habit is it your diet maybe you're constantly putting off work until the last minute you'll wait and wait until you absolutely can't wait any longer then bust out the project once the pressure of a strict deadline is looming over you we are always winning at proving something in the case above you win at proving either you have no time or that you're a procrastinator or a loser by getting things done at the very last minute or maybe it's something else the key here is to question yourself to look at your actions what's the real point of all of this what is it that you get to be right about when all is said and done just like i demonstrated in the opening example about a romantic relationship we hold a certain belief about ourselves or life that we prove right time and time again through our everyday actions those beliefs uncannily turn out to be deadly accurate in our reality spinning your wheels what are you out to prove there i'm not worthy of love i'm not smart i'm a failure i'm not as capable as i used to be with those kinds of repeats stuck in your subconscious is it any wonder that you're masterful in consistently proving them right to succeed in another more positive way you'd have to prove those firmly held beliefs wrong for your persona that's a ground shaking idea that is almost too much to bear it would in fact unsettle the very foundations of who you've become many of my clients i have found have one particular thing in common the subconscious desire to prove that their parents did a bad job raising them this can manifest in so many different ways some being worse than others some are subtle others are obvious while all are very potent you might try to prove that your parents failed to raise you well by treating your body like crap getting arrested becoming addicted to drugs or alcohol dropping out of school consistently failing in relationships encountering chronic financial crises or any one of a number of seemingly random paths we get ourselves lost in they can drop all the way down to simply being disconnected or lost in the pressures of work as an adult all of these are real-life examples that some of my clients discovered about themselves that ultimately proved that one or both of their parents failed to do their job that their experiences as children did not adequately prepare them for adulthood this belief conveniently also allows for a ready-made explanation as to why they did what they did and why they from time to time acted like complete [ __ ] to others in their life can you see ways in which you do this in your own life think of the problem areas in your life now think of them in terms of what you're winning at what do you see there if you're struggling to get work done perhaps you believe that you're incapable or lazy you prove that idea every single time you pause or procrastinate you're proving to yourself and others that you really are that person why do we do such things we are survival machines and what better way to survive what's to come than by reliving what has been after all it got you this far regardless of how bad or negative it's been you have survived don't limit yourselves to the examples i'm giving they're just that examples you could be winning at something completely different take some time for introspection if need be write down the patterns you're seeing put the pieces of the jigsaw together maybe you had great parents but still find yourself incapable of committing to one person could it be because you believe your significant other couldn't possibly live up to the example you were raised with the point is we all have these items search out and connect all of the different situations that come into play in your life take note of all the times you broke your promise to diet save your money or speak your mind consider how many days you skipped the gym think about how you went to the mall instead of to the bank pick one and see if you can discover the win the amount of times you argued or lost your temper when you know you shouldn't have what's it all pointing to whatever the domain you're winning in you'll start to realize something you're really good at it you can avoid those dirty dishes in the sink for days you use every plate cup piece of silverware in the house and then you start getting creative until you're eating cereal out of a handy tupperware container using a wooden bacon spoon holy crap a life hack take a picture and get on your pinterest page it's actually rather impressive in a weird kind of way once you've taken the time to analyze your own life through this lens you'll start to see what i'm saying is true you really are wired to win you really can and do achieve the things you set your mind to the stoic philosopher seneca once said it is the power of the mind to be unconquerable right now your mind is unconquerable when it comes to proving that you're not worthy of love that you're lazy or that you'll always be out of shape or never have any money but if we change our thinking a little we can use our minds on conquerable nature to act on all the positive goals and dreams we hold for ourselves we are wired to win we just have to point ourselves in the right direction so we can win at something we consciously choose creating a game plan the happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts therefore guard accordingly and take that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable nature that's a quote by marcus aurelius we've talked about the enormous role our subconscious plays in everything we do even if we consciously made the right decisions at every opportunity it would still only account for a fraction of our daily life the personal assertion i am wired to win will support you in realizing how truly powerful you and your mind are but you still need a game plan that means we have to start filling our bucket with the right ideas here's a good way to start think about the thing or things you'd like to change in your life they could be related to the problem areas you looked at earlier or there could be something completely different where would you really like to see progress what do you really want to accomplish take that goal and break it down what exact steps do you need to take to achieve it what are the mile markers you need to set out to identify your progress if you want to lose weight think about how you'll need to change your diet get more exercise and generally adopt more healthful nurturing habits go through the daily kind of actions you'll need to practice get it in reality don't stop there consider the changes in mindset you'll need to make during and after your quest to become more fit you'll have to be relentless in the pursuit of your goal particularly when those automatic past based conversations start to become louder in your head once you've faced your problems head on how will your sense of self change when you're the fit and healthy person you want to be how will your beliefs about yourself be different what will that life look like i would warn against the idea that you'll suddenly be awesome your future is not the answer to your present as we have discussed subconscious thoughts are deeply ingrained in your psyche so it can take a lot of thinking imagination and commitment to transform these invisible yet powerful thoughts into ones that better align with your stated goals as with every page here make the time to take your time if you look at the problem areas you came up with before you might be able to connect to an emotionally charged event somewhere in your life that helped set them in your mind perhaps in the form of infidelity in a relationship childhood bullying parents that never quite lived up to your wants and needs public embarrassment or major career failures but the more you think about your future and what you really want to accomplish the deeper those thought processes will work their ways into your mind and take hold remember when you explore and discover what it is you've really been winning at it's not about fighting against or resisting those thoughts and actions but rather changing direction and setting yourself new goals and outcomes this must be the kind of work that raises your awareness and throws up red flags for when you're getting off course the better you understand your parents the better shot you have in altering them when you have set out the goals that you're claiming is yours in life and more importantly relentlessly taking the actions to produce it's only a matter of when we are wired to win you are wired to win define your game embrace the challenge and strive to understand yourself in deeper and more meaningful ways true understanding of yourself and your personal constraints allows for ever unfolding degrees of freedom and success the more aware you become of your hard wiring the more space and opportunity become available in those areas step out there trust yourself give yourself fully to your vast capacity for victory set yourself the challenge of winning and new and exciting ways demand your greatness of yourself and repeat after me i am wired to win chapter four i got this ugh there comes a time in all of our lives when we're feeling a little down a little defeated when it seems like nothing is going or why it's not like we've completely given up although sometimes we have but at the same time the struggle is very real you could be facing a massive problem you got laid off your spouse filed for divorce you wrecked your car or maybe all three at the same time so much for that lucky charm huh or it could be something less serious you lost your favorite shirt your glasses broke your dog used your mouth for a toy you didn't get much sleep last night you burned dinner the thing is the negative experiences we have rarely stay contained to that one issue they spread like a toxic chemical they seep into all aspects of our lives if you're having financial trouble you'll either consciously or subconsciously stress about it at dinner which means you don't enjoy your meal you start feeling on edge around family you feel resentful toward your spouse and distant from your children you're annoyed when your dog barks or when your neighbors make too much noise little things like traffic and long lines begin prompting your frustration it's like her whole life is taunted as our smaller problems leak into the bigger picture like a coffee spill on your desk small problems quickly spread and create bigger ones as the brown liquid relentlessly heads for your laptop phone and stack of bills while you hopelessly pad at the random chaos with your napkin in some forlorn attempt at denying the disaster it creates an even bigger mess that little mass can influence all areas of your life until your emotions surrounding that one area become the lens through which you see everything you end up thinking life is too hard i'll never make it through this everyone's a jerk i'm done with a these sentiments don't reflect reality no matter what you might currently think but rather your perception of your reality unfortunately knowing this makes no difference whatsoever when you're stuck right bang in the middle of it all and of course all of this only makes things somehow even worse a negative experience of myself and or my life doesn't help me overcome what i'm dealing with let alone enjoy my life to deal with this we need to shift how we view our problems and the world and adopt a new powerfully optimistic and grounded approach that's why my next personal assertion is i got this putting problems in perspective if all our misfortunes were laid in one common heap whence everyone must take an equal portion most people would be content to take their own and depart that quote is by socrates everyone has their problems and life isn't always perfect it never will be it wasn't 2400 years ago when socrates was around and it certainly isn't today but if we're being brutally honest with ourselves we'll realize that our own problems are pretty insignificant compared to the rest of the worlds really think about it if you're reading this chances are your life isn't as hard as that of a child in somalia or an untouchable in india chances are your problems are pretty small in comparison to the ones people had when socrates was born in 470 bc before modern medicine or electricity or cars or any one of a number of everyday advances we take for granted in our day and age you don't even have to travel across the globe or back in time for a comparison either travel to the other side of your town or look around your office or neighborhood and you're almost guaranteed to find plenty of people with problems worse than yours you might not see it but it's the same for all of us we only see the highlight reels of others lives while being continually reminded of our own behind the scenes if you're rolling your eyes and wondering how does any of that help me solve my problems i'll tell you it doesn't none of this will change the tire on your car for you or deposit another thousand dollars into your bank account now just for a moment of your significant existence stop picking fluff out of your belly button and look around you get connected to your reality your real life instead of your emotionally soaked self-taught narrative about your life what this will do is help you put things in some kind of reality-based perspective this will serve to help you face life and all of its problems with a powerful attitude to starve the creeping specter of negativity that can and does catch us in its grip if everyone around you is dealing with their issues even those that are worse than yours then you certainly can but i get it even as i say all of this we both know that when disaster strikes it's challenging to stay level-handed our problems are still real they still hurt and they can still result in our emotions getting the better of us when you start having those crappy feelings take a step back way back no back further than that much further than that keep going see if you can picture your life for what it really is you have to start here with your imagination firstly i advise my clients to start by looking at their entire life imagine it in front of you like a railroad track running left to right as far as the eye can see of course the tracks aren't just sitting in the middle of a void they cut through countryside and cities under tunnels and over bridges across stretches of ocean around towering mountains and plunging canyons picture the magnitude and magical variety of the surroundings now look way down those tracks to the left this is your past this is where you came from the ground you've already covered in your journey through life follow the tracks down and far into the distance as you walk you'll see your entire life everything that's ever happened to you expanding in front of you take the time to think about the most memorable experiences from your life perhaps you recall walking down the aisle with the love of your life maybe it's the birth of your first child and the feeling of holding them in your arms would you trade that for anything go back to that family vacation you took in the caribbean spending a few days in paradise how about when you closed on your first house or when you landed that job you wanted whatever your past savor the memory of each wonderful experience depending on where you are today you've got dozens or hundreds of great experiences to look back on graduations promotions awards parties and relationships even the little things like childhood memories that cradle and comfort you are those memorable tastes sights and sounds that embrace you in their familiarity and inspire feelings of warmth and joy open up and allow yourself the good grace of those times but don't just limit it to the sugary goodness either think about the bad too recall all the times when you struggled suffered setbacks or got knocked down the arguments the breakups the speeding tickets or the light bills do you remember that time when your parents caught you sneaking out and grounded you if you experienced a tough childhood let all of that in here how about the time you forgot to pay your electricity bill and you had to spend the night reading by candlelight or when you got surgery and had to spend days lying in a hospital bed or when you broke up with someone and felt depressed for weeks let all of it in from the most tragic and traumatic to the merely irritating annoying or regretful remember all the problems you faced and eventually overcame a lot of them may be very similar to what you're dealing with today you probably felt a lot of the same emotions back then too you thought you'd never get over your ex that you'd never find a better job or that you wouldn't live through the humiliation of some situation but you did you raised up and kicked on and looking back some of those problems might even seem a little silly now can you believe how upset you were when you got a d on your math test in high school or how bad you felt when you never got a second date with that girl or guy you liked even the most serious problems probably seem a lot different today after all you did make it through them and they ultimately helped shape and form who you are today looking to the future now that you've traveled to the end of the track in one direction it's time to turn around and head the other way to the right if you haven't figured it out is your future here's where you'll find the things to come all of the experiences and events awaiting you in life new relationships with people you've yet to meet places to visit that you've never been doing the things you've always wanted to try you'll get to experience the spine tingling rush that comes when you first kiss someone you're really attracted to or the connection satisfaction and peace of growing old with the person you love maybe you'll have children and watch them grow up make the honour roll score touchdowns and perform in the school play in no time at all they'll be introducing you to the love of their life and then will come trips to the movies or disney world with your grandkids there are reams of untapped potential and opportunity waiting in your future whether it's a major life event or a night of laughing with your best friends the future can have truly great things in store for you of course it won't all be puppies and rainbows but you already know that there will be trials and tribulations disappointments defeats fights and fears don't stop there keep looking all the way down to the end the ultimate end that's right this life will come to a close your life force will cease to exist on this physical plane your experience of being you will conclude think about the day you're going to die i know it's not pleasant but it's going to happen so why not accept it now in this life you'll sometimes have to do things you don't want to with people you don't like and in places you don't care for people will leave your life as quickly and easily as they came into it you'll lose money things will break and your dog will die but you'll get through it all the good and the bad just like you did in the past you'll stand there like the champion you are because they're all just yet another passing scene in the movie that is your life story a sea of somethings it is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light that quote is by aristotle the purpose of this exercise is to get you to start putting things back into perspective as you examine all the things you've experienced and all the things you've yet to experience take a moment to examine what you're currently dealing with today everything on your plate at this point in time is just another something in a sea of some things your boat hasn't and won't sink so easily there may be some waves you might go through some storms and you'll probably end up seasick from time to time but your journey across that ocean we call life will continue but just like the captain facing a major squall you can't just let yourself be tossed about you have to step up and steer your life back in the direction you want it to go so your journey wasn't as smooth as you wanted it to be does that mean you're going to let yourself get blown off course i don't think so and you definitely shouldn't let what happens in one area of life affect your outlook on the whole you just can't afford to allow your struggles at work to make you miserable at home or let your relationship troubles affect your mood at the office face your problems as they come one by one give them the attention they need and move on bundling them all together into a morass of confusion and letting them overwhelm you just won't help it takes precision patience and discipline of thought work through each item pragmatically and with a solution in mind remember everything is solvable and if you can't see a solution it only means you haven't worked that out yet often the reason you can't see the solution is because you're too close to the problem zoom out a little zoom out a lot and look at the big picture this is a phenomenon similar to what psychologists call cognitive restructuring shifting the way in which your problems are presenting themselves in your life our minds naturally play tricks on us twisting and distorting our thoughts in ways that are not always rational even though we'd like to think we're always logical we're not we're at the mercy of cognitive biases emotions and misconceptions and most of it is completely unseen by us sometimes we're too close too involved in it to even realize it's up to us to slow down take a step back and understand what's really going on that's one of the peculiar things about bad moods we often fool ourselves and create misery by telling ourselves things that simply are not true that's a quote by david d burns and if the things are still out of focus take another step back and another and another ask yourself what's really going on here until you experience your problems cleanly clearly and free of that emotional anchor persist until you can see the whole course of your life and realize that your current problems are just another bump in the road you got this when you finally put things into perspective you'll come to your assertion i got this you'll start to really believe it experience it and live from it you can handle this it's not gonna kill you your life isn't over you've got plenty more left in the tank plenty i got this doesn't mean you have the perfect solution it just means you have your hands on the wheel you have a say in this just like you've had to say all along i mean come on you live for the it's not always pretty it's not always fun but you've got this we're not just saying this to paper over the cracks or to make you feel a little better for a split second look at your track record you've really got this you'll make it work just like you always have you had it then and you got it now get in touch with who you really are and say it i got this i got this i got this chapter 5 i embrace the uncertainty you're an addict you're out of control and so dependent on your drug of choice you don't even realize how it's affecting your life you have annoying craving and that craving is for prediction will it rain tomorrow how will my stock perform who will win the super bowl you're constantly looking ahead trying to figure out what's going to happen before it actually does why certainty we seek the certain and avoid the uncertain we want to know what to expect where to go and what to wear we want to be prepared we want to be safe it's far beyond the want though it's more like that addiction we're sizing people up before we even know them predicting their character in seconds we buy goods and brand names we're used to even though there are plenty of alternatives we take supplements and vitamins to prevent an illness we don't yet have date people for months sometimes years to make sure of our future to make sure that it turns out in a way that we can predict give me that certainty certainty certainty we all know the bumper stickers and internet memes that praise risk takers and urge us to embrace uncertainty we even know that our openness to taking risks directly correlates with their potential for fortune and possibility yet many of us still stay inside our own little organized certain world and there's a reason for that until fairly recently the world was a much scarier place for the likes of you and me every step into the unknown was a dance with death life was one big game of russian roulette literally every day you and every other being on the face of the earth would have been an entree on the dinner menu for an assortment of beasts and creatures or among the poor suckers who walked blindly into the path of mother nature's dark sense of humor lucky for us the world isn't nearly as scary as it was thousands of years ago although not quite a utopian safe zone life has become much safer unbelievably so in fact medicine and technology get better by the day violent crime although rampant in our news outlets is in fact a rarity in the everyday life of your average citizen in a western country sure there are still deadly diseases and the threat of random acts of violence or catastrophe but the chances of you catching a mystery zombie virus are being swept up with dorothy and toto to a fantastical hollywood dreamland or i'm happy to say slim here's some other startling news chances are you're not going to suddenly die on the way to the grocery store your boss isn't actually going to kill you if you ask for a raise and believe it or not asking someone out on a date will not result in your pants mysteriously falling to the floor painfully exposing your spongebob squarepants underwear and bringing about your early demise via acute terminal embarrassment with insidious laughter of everyone in starbucks ringing in your ears as you depart this mortal coil in other words our aversion to risk which was once necessary no longer is those same survival instincts that once kept us alive can now be the very thing that keeps us from actually living a paradigm of potential our obsession with certainty can be tragic and counterproductive for two reasons first uncertainty is where things happen uncertainty is your personal pathway to opportunity it's the environment in which you grow experience new things and produce new unprecedented results uncertainty is where new happens the desire for safety stands against every great and noble enterprise that's a quote by tacitus when you stick to what you're comfortable with doing doing the same things you've always done you're in effect living in the past not moving forward you're repeating things and behaviors that at one time in your life were risky since you didn't know what they would lead to but have since turned into routine think about it how can you go to new places if you never leave the house how can you make friends and start romances without meeting new people how can you do anything new by doing what you've always done you can't the truth is you can't even predict what the people you know will do let alone the people you don't know whether it's the checkout line or a nightclub or the bank social situations are inevitably filled with uncertainty geez half of the time you can't even predict your own thoughts and feelings think of the many times you've rushed to judge and then later changed your mind how will you ever get a raise if you don't take the risk of asking how will you get ahead in your career if you're always holding on to certainty and comfort you won't success is never certain it never comes without risk even if you're the smartest or the hardest working there's no guarantee of anything the people who go on to do great things in their lives know this they also embrace it in any moment of decision the best thing you can do is the right thing the next best thing is the wrong thing and the worst thing you can do is nothing that quote is by theodore roosevelt reflect on that teddy roosevelt quote for a minute here missing the target isn't the worst thing you can do not taking the shot is you may look at successful people and think they've always had it figured out many of them seem to have a kind of confidence charisma or talent that makes everything they do seem easy they certainly seem to have something you don't but believe me their rise to the top was anything but certain or easy most of them doubted it every single day sometimes hundreds of times per day that's right they sat there just like you are right now wondering how they would make it whether it was all worthwhile or whether they had what it takes there were days when they doubted what they were doing where they thought this is never gonna work many found themselves on the verge of giving up at numerous occasions along the way they didn't succeed because they were certain they were going to succeed they succeeded because they didn't let uncertainty stop them they did it anyway they ignored their doubts and kept pushing forward they were relentless when the only thing they had to fuel them towards relentlessness give some thought to all the people who have achieved something great only to quickly fade into obscurity i'm sure you can think of a few whether they're entertainers or business people or athletes in my career i've coached many successful people who came to me because their lives had gone flat and they had become uninspired and tepid what happened for many of them they got comfortable for years they had pushed their comfort zones to get where they wanted to be but as soon as they chose certainty over uncertainty they stopped achieving they hit the wall why does it happen because when you've accomplished one of your goals when you're rich and successful the future naturally seems a little more certain i'm sure we'd all feel a little more secure with a million bucks or so in the bank but that mindset shift is exactly what creates the environment for our ultimate undoing when we're no longer uncertain about money the desire the need even to pursue it recedes when we're no longer uncertain about success our ambition can blunt or mellow we get to wallow in our bloated illusion of certainty eventually we get to do that thing called settle we settle for certainty that's the kind of power the uncertainty has in our lives can make us or break us it can make us rich or make us poor it can be the key to our success or drive us in the other direction for many people it ends up being both chasing what doesn't exist the funny thing is no matter how much you chase certainty you'll never really be able to hold it or retain it that's because it doesn't exist the universe will always send us little reminders of its chaos and power and no one is exempt from the prompting nothing is certain you could go to sleep tonight and never wake up you could get in your car and never make it to work certainty is a complete illusion voodoo some of you might find this terrible to think about but it's true no matter how hard we may try we can never predict exactly what life will bring our plans will falter at some point eventually by running from uncertainty in search of certainty we are actually rejecting the one thing in life that is guaranteed in favor of something that's nothing more than a fantasy all i know socrates once said is that i know nothing many wise people understand this in fact they owe their wisdom to that very realization that they don't actually know a damn thing because when we think we know everything we inadvertently turn ourselves away from the unknown and by default whole new realms of success the person who accepts how unpredictable and uncertain life is has no choice but to embrace it they're not afraid of the uncertain is just a part of life they don't seek out certainty because they know it doesn't really exist they are also the kind of people who are aware of and open to the real magic and miracles of life and what can be accomplished one of the pillars of philosophy is the examination of how we know what we know how can we prove that what we believe is true in most cases we can't in reality even many of the things we think of as hard facts aren't their half truths their assumptions their misinterpretations their guesses they're based on cognitive biases faulty information or conditioning use science as an example what we believed 5 10 or 20 years ago has since been disproved we have made radical leaps in understanding and those leaps are continuing every day what we know today will one day be looked upon as archaic and outdated consider that those same limits of understanding are everywhere in your life if we can't even be certain about what we know today how can we know what will happen tomorrow as you've probably noticed when you do try to stay in your comfort zone you never feel truly comfortable there's always a nagging feeling that you could be doing more there's always that desire for a life that's better than the one you have now the more we try to stay comfortable today the more uncomfortable we'll be tomorrow there really is no destination there's only exploring exploring and exploring step forward and be judged like plenty of other things in our lives part of our aversion to uncertainty comes from our fear of being judged by others we are in a very real way afraid of what the tribe thinks and the prospect of being thrown out into the mystery and uncertainty of the wild if we put ourselves in uncomfortable situations maybe we'll look awkward people will think we're weird if we push our limits and try to achieve new things maybe we'll fail people will think we're a failure if you want to improve be content to be thought foolish and stupid that quote is by epictetus you're never going to achieve your true potential if you're hooked by what other people think in fact you could change your life overnight if you simply abandon the notion that other people's opinions matter life goes on opinion heavy or opinion light that doesn't mean you should go off and become a brazen and completely disregard what others think but if you want to win you have to be willing to be judged by others and not let it get to you if you want to do something truly great you'll have to accept that some people are going to think you're delusional or an idiot or self-righteous the person who avoids the uncertain doesn't do this they're too afraid of being judged they're too afraid to look foolish or stupid they are stopped one foot nailed to the floor by an illusion embracing the uncertain this can all come as quite a shock some of you are probably squirming in your chair as you read this that's because you're rejecting and avoiding uncertainty you're afraid of it you're trying to control and know things that you simply can't know or control you're caught up in the la la land that we're all born into it can never quite seem to get out of the good news is it doesn't have to be that way that's why i want you to shift your thinking embrace the uncertainty that's your personal assertion i embrace the uncertainty meet it head on cherish it enjoy it remember all of the successes all of the experiences all of the things you've always dreamed of are waiting for you in uncertainty once you accept this it's not as scary as before sure i mean you might still be nervous about what will happen but you'll also be hopeful and excited at the prospect of what may come while the unknown can hold plenty of bad things it also holds everything good as well it's overflowing with opportunity and progress i challenge you to go out today and take the bull by the horns and embrace your own uncertainty do the things you normally wouldn't shake up that daily routine dare to dream dare to risk and startle your life into life start with simple things take a different route to work instead of bringing your lunch or eating at the same few places try somewhere you've never been start a conversation with a waiter or cashier smile and say hello to the people you pass on the street or give them a friendly nod talk to that girl or guy who caught your eye or maybe you're a natural extrovert who does all of that already what are the things that make you uncomfortable what are the things you'd like to do but avoid because of uncertainty do them starting now there's no better time than this moment develop and grow that muscle to be with the uncertain in life to be with the glory of life itself unconstrained by your own limits and opinions don't stop there instead of simply stretching your comfort zone let's blow this thing up completely try acting in a way you'd never think about acting doing something completely out of character would be a great start embrace that uncertainty and strike a blow for your future opportunity hunting embracing uncertainty has the power to transform your life from your personal relationships to your career it can help you get in shape make more money or find your future spouse you'll no longer be hiding from life you'll be living it drinking from it and enlivened by it when you stop searching for certainty when you quit trying to make sense of everything a lot of your stress will simply melt away there really is nothing to figure out if you took the time to be with what i'm saying you'd realize that what causes most of your worry is trying to predict the future and then refusing to accept things when they don't or aren't going to go your way life is an adventure it's absolutely filled with opportunity but it's up to you to embrace those opportunities fully and completely in all of their majestic unnerving and invigorating uncertainty focus on the things you can control and release yourself from worrying about what you can't like the weather the dow jones or what your neighbor thinks about your haircut i embrace the uncertainty this one simple statement can completely change the way you live moment to moment to moment the only thing that's guaranteed in life is that it's uncertain the only thing we know is that we know nothing go ahead say it embrace it i embrace the uncertainty chapter 6 i am not my thoughts i am what i do change your thoughts change your life i was scrolling through facebook recently when i came across this little gem it had more likes than justin bieber and comments of the yin yang as i sat there in my crimson smoking jacket and pale yellow cravat i pondered its philosophical weight while sipping softly at the edges of my evening creme de month okay i was wearing an old ac dc t-shirt and sweatpants and drinking coffee but you get the picture after a moment i thought to myself what a complete pile of that is imagine this you're at work you've got something to do but you're dreading it just not feeling it today you glance at the clock 10 34. oh well at least it's not long till lunch hmm what will i eat today oh i've been wanting to try that new place down the street my co-worker said it's really good but i really should stick to my budget you suddenly snap back to reality and find yourself staring at the blinking cursor on your computer screen wow i suck at this i'm just not up for it today i need some energy before you know it you've opened your browser and are scrolling through one of your favorite time wasting sites wowser hover shoes i could really use some of those quick step back to reality check your email message from your credit card company i'm in so much debt i'm never going to get out of this mess no hover shoes are launched out for me a notification from that online dating site you were signed up for a few weeks ago i'll never find someone my love life's a disaster maybe relationships and i just don't match someone walks past your cubicle you frantically click your mouse and mash on the keyboard finding busyness for the unsuspecting intruder that was close look at the clock again 11 13 another half hour wasted i really should get to work right after i is any of this sounding familiar maybe you don't work in an office but you can still relate to that feeling of dread that hits when you're faced with something you've been resisting like you'd rather do anything than the task at hand that to-do list quickly becomes a don't want to do list even if you're married or already in a relationship you might also identify with those feelings of undesirability when your thoughts about your situation have become more consuming and debilitating than everything else when you become so distracted from what your relationship is supposed to be about so embroiled in the shoulds shouldn'ts goods couldn'ts and who's right or wrong you often wonder why the hell you're still in it at all the truth is we all do this from time to time even the most driven most successful and wisest among us have these kinds of thoughts so what is it that separates those successful people from you and me they understand consciously or otherwise one simple thing what they think and what they do don't always have to align you are not your thoughts you're not your thoughts you're not defined by what's inside your head you are what you do your actions great thoughts speak only to the thoughtful mind but great actions speak to all mankind that's a quote by theodore roosevelt most of us let our internal condition weigh heavily on what we do but the truly great performers are great precisely because they've learned to experience those feelings while sidestepping the inclination to act upon them it's not that they never doubt themselves or never have a desire to procrastinate or avoid a particular situation it's not that they always feel like doing what they should they simply focus and lean in they act anyway it'd be great if we could simply decide to never have a negative thought but when it comes down to it that's just not realistic i know i know my positive thinking peeps are losing their minds at this statement but here's something for even those people to consider haven't you wondered why you came up with positivity as an answer to your life in the first place have you ever noticed how you are when impacted or surrounded by apparently negative people or situations that's right even you get gripped by the old negative hand known again no matter how you might try and avoid it the truth is it's difficult to have a saying let alone control what you think about especially because as we've established elsewhere in this book we're not even aware of the majority of things we think about we have just as many pointless irrelevant thoughts as important ones then there are those default thoughts that pop into your head day in and day out thoughts of unworthiness being judged not belonging or some lack of competence all of this while going to work paying your bills going to the grocery store or driving your car many of the things i teach my clients involve changing the way you approach and look at life but these are long-term solutions ultimately my goal is to help you shift your subconscious and that my dears is like turning a battleship it takes time no matter how hard you try you're gonna have the occasional negative thought maybe more than occasionally maybe every day maybe hundreds of times per day you're going to have days when you don't want to get out of bed when you don't want to go to work when you don't want to take care of your responsibilities but you do every day you engage in activities that you don't really want to do that means you already have a muscle for having thoughts and acting independently of them as i consistently say to my clients you don't have to feel like today is your day you just have to act like it is sure it never hurts to be in the right kind of mood or mindset but if we sit around waiting to be in the perfect mood we're just never going to get started i've come across literally thousands of people in my career who have spent their lives waiting to feel or think differently and while inspiration or motivation may strike once in a while they are fickle friends and can't be depended on to show up whenever you need them we become just by performing just actions temper it by performing temperate actions brave by performing brave actions that's a quote by aristotle you change your life by doing not by thinking about doing in fact when you become closely associated with the actions you're taking something magical starts to become apparent thoughts without actions are just that thoughts and your negative thoughts about yourself others or your circumstances will have no impact on your success as long as you leave them where they lie how doing changes your thinking the benefits of doing are twofold doing gets you doing what you need to do of course but it is ironically also the quickest way to change your thoughts there are a couple of reasons for this we know your thoughts can become your reality and when your reality is one of acting on the things that are in your best interests your thoughts will actually shift to match that think about this your thoughts and the resulting feelings are not always aligned with what is in the best interests of your life your health your finances or your potential many times those same thoughts and feelings are pulling you away from your potential things like doubt fear procrastination or frustration rule the day instead of the kind of positive action that will actually forward your life if you always attack the task at hand without hesitation what will you think the next time you have something important to do your thoughts start to become intuitive action over time until you start to act independently of your negative thoughts time after time after time are you going to think about yourself and what you lack or are you going to deal with the actions presenting themselves right there in that moment of time haven't you ever noticed when you're fully immersed in something all of your problems or negative conversations seem to disappear when you are cognitively and genuinely engaged in a practice or project that internal chatter gets quieter and quieter the golfers tennis players meditators knitters musicians artists and runners among us know exactly what i'm talking about athletes call this the zone and the good news is you can get better at getting in the zone too when you can focus your attention on the action at hand eventually your consciousness starts to get the idea each time you do you build your experience of self-confidence and trust in yourself all of that impacts the long-term way in what you think so what's the second way that actions influence our thoughts remember when i said your thoughts can become your reality that's true well your thoughts can become your reality it's only through your actions that your thoughts actually become your life until then they are only thoughts sometimes our mind is like the equivalent of a fun house mirror distorting and contorting and blurring our lives and our potential our minds often have an unrealistic perception of the world peppered with interpretation misunderstanding automatic behaviors and opinions and cultural and familial programming all laid on top of our lives like designs on a giant sheet of tracing paper the more we strive to get our reality to match this design the more we struggle the gap between how life is and how we think life is is often the black hole in which we fruitlessly labor we think things are worse or better harder or easier than they actually are due to this cacophony of background noise and judgment consider this you just messed up something important immediately thoughts like i'm so stupid and i always screw things up randomly pop into your head all this means is that your reaction to one situation is out of sync with the whole just like when you whine yes you line about how impossible what you need to do is your brain starts to follow that line of thought all the way down the rabbit hole fortunately by accepting and including your thoughts as just a small part of the whole and getting down to taking actions you'll slowly start to realize just how out of touch you've been all along this method is actually similar to one used by psychiatrists giving therapy to their patients that's because it works by challenging our thoughts with actions and exposing ourselves to the situations we resist we train our brain to see the world more cognitively we get accustomed to living life as is rather than how we think it is the next time you're feeling or experiencing any sort of negative or diminishing thought that disempowers you move on immediately act independently of that thought more specifically act in a way that's in your best interests rather than in a way that is dominated by how you automatically think and feel each time will be better than the last until your mind wakes up and realizes hey i can do this i'm learning action greases the wheel of life inaction breeds doubt and fear action breeds confidence and courage if you want to conquer fear do not sit home and think about it go out and get busy that quote is by dale carnegie i like what dale says here when we choose action instead of inaction when we act beyond our automatic thoughts something interesting happens we start to forget about the things that are bothering us simply put when we act we just don't have time for anything else it's hard to focus on your internal worrying and nice saying when you're busy getting things done it's all about momentum once you've started rolling it's easier to stay moving that road that looks so long and intimidating before starts to blur as you speed across it but you've got to put your key in the ignition crank her up and put it in dry first the car isn't going to start itself and then wait patiently for you in the driveway when you think about it that's basically what most of us do we want to be driven we think a more productive mood will chauffeur us through life a confident mood will make things easier or more doable but if you want to get where you're going you'll have to take the wheel you have to buckle in and stomp hard on that gas pedal whether you're ready to or not today i want you to do something different than what you normally do i want you to act in a way that's independent of your typical negative or unproductive thoughts act on the moment and in line with what the item in front of your face demands of you how you feel act don't wait for the mood to strike don't get stuck looking for that magic feeling that will do the work for you simply act put aside your thoughts and move it's not about psyching yourself up it's not about getting everything aligned just right just act do it not in a minute not after the show is over now of course your mind will always try to rationalize not acting it'll remind you of all the other things you could be doing it'll drudge up all your recent stresses and doubts but don't act on your thoughts act on what's in front of you change your life by changing your actions that's the only way still need more motivation think about the greatest people you know of either personally or by reputation do you consider their thoughts or do you remember their actions do you think gandhi or rosa parks or abraham lincoln were never gripped by thoughts of doubt fear or uncertainty how about nikola tesla or steve jobs do you seriously think those people woke up every day in the perfect mood with everything's coming up roses playing in their heads hell no they were wrecked by the same kind of you were but they acted anyway they rolled up whatever was in their way set it aside and strode out into the unknown it wasn't a passive endeavor their greatness didn't just miraculously flowed out into the ether for us to consume if they hadn't taken action we'd have never known what their passions were in the first place we'd never have witnessed their greatness or wisdom they toiled doubted and had sleepless nights they worried and battled and grounded out until their lives and their work finally aligned i mean come on chances are you can think of plenty of people past and present who appear to have good thoughts but never accomplished much that's what we become when we're more worried about how we think than what we do on the other hand think of how many people with negative thoughts have gone on to become wildly successful all the legendary musicians with drug problems all the pro athletes with anger management issues the models with unhealthy body images the millionaires with scarcity mindsets we could go on and on the point is positive thinking isn't a predictor of accomplishment any more than negative thinking indicates failure all of the people described above acted independently of their internal condition you can too it's all about action going out there doing it and taking all your negative along for the ride it's never going to get any better any easier or any more understandable this is it life is now and you're never going to have a better moment than this don't know what to do or where to start good that's your first action find out understand troll the internet read books ask questions take courses seek advice do whatever you need to do to unfuck yourself and get into your life get up on your feet and get going benjamin disraeli said action may not bring happiness but there is no happiness without action separating your thoughts from who you are i am not my thoughts i am what i do that's your newest personal assertion the phrase that sums it all up go ahead try it out i am not my thoughts i am what i do you are not your thoughts they're just a bunch of random things running through your head many of them you have no control over eventually we'd all like to have better more positive thoughts but sitting there isn't going to make it happen it's when we challenge our bodies and minds when we experience when we face our fears when we accomplish even when we fail that we truly change who we are you could be the smartest person in the world but that doesn't mean a thing if you don't take action remember that the next time you're not feeling it when you're not in the mood to go to work or take a significant step in life when you're doubting yourself too much to get started forget all of it just take that first step and the next one and the next one you are not your thoughts act you are what you do chapter 7 i am relentless think back to some of your biggest successes in life maybe you made a really big sale started a new business or bought a house maybe you got married to the love of your life or went back to school or completed a marathon it could be anything you're truly proud of how the hell did you achieve well you probably weren't sitting on the couch pondering your navel chances are you weren't wrapped up in the humdrum of your everyday existence either or mentally calculating the sharp rise in the price of milk since 1977. so what was it i may not be able to guess exactly what you're doing but i can be certain of one thing you were uncomfortable put a slightly different way you are most likely operating outside of your comfort zone from the nervousness and doubt we feel when we take risks in our careers to the muscle soreness and shortness of breath we experience pumping out another five minutes on the treadmill our biggest successes are born out of discomfort uncertainty and risk theodore roosevelt said nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort pain difficulty in fact the greater the degree of discomfort you experience the greater the difficulty the greater the sense of personal accomplishment that comes after and that's why great accomplishments and extraordinary successes are so rare because most people don't like being uncomfortable being relentless anytime you're working to achieve something you're going against the current often the opinions of the people around you are trying to push and pull you away from your destination they'll say you can't do it you're making a mistake it's impossible you'll fail the more unique and out of the box your endeavor is the stronger the pushback can be why well mostly because the other people in your life have gotten used to relating to you as a specific kind of person so anytime you attempt to break out of that mold you're not only messing with your own world you're also messing with theirs and the resistance doesn't just come from other people it comes from your own mind too both your conscious and subconscious thoughts can work against you to stop your dreams right in their tracks it could be outright negative that's impossible why even try or it could be subtler wouldn't it be a lot better to just sleep in instead of getting an early jump on things at the office that game on your phone is so much more fun than working you could overcome these distractions and objections of course as we discussed in the last chapter but there sometimes comes a point on your journey when you sometimes lose track of where you are you become so locked up in the daily humdrum that you've completely wandered off the path and into the middle of the jungle and are now meandering around with no map no water and no clue are you going in the right direction how long until you get there how much more of this can you take maybe it's over here no wait maybe it's this way and when you inevitably stumble or encounter some sort of obstacle you question the journey at all maybe it's even time to turn back at this point when you don't know whether you're up or down how far you have to go or how far you've come there's only one thing that can keep you going that thing is relentlessness the momentum to keep moving and moving and moving no matter what happens it doesn't matter if we are feeling it it doesn't matter if we're gripped by doubt and worry here's the deal true relentlessness comes when the only thing you have left is relentlessness when it seems all is lost and all hope and evidence for success have long since vanished relentlessness is the fuel that drives you through it's only true if you agree the most successful among us got to where they are today because they transcended obstacles but that's easier said than done it's one thing to say never give up i hate bumper sticker slogans but quite another to actually put relentlessness into your life's most worthy causes listen when it comes down to it the world doesn't stop you from succeeding you're not that big of a deal the universe is conspiring neither for nor against you and the only thing that stops you is when you buy into the notion that you are stopped then my friend you really are stopped until then it's on like freaking donkey kong it is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it that was said by aristotle think about all of the things that have been accomplished in human history that were once considered impossible if you told someone from the 1850s that you could fly from california to china in a hollow metal tube filled with hundreds of people they'd have more than likely sent you to the local insane asylum for the rest of your days but the wright brothers didn't accept that flight was impossible they simply didn't accept that thought even though there was no historical evidence to prove that human flight was possible even though they had no physical proof and it had never been done before they were determined to make it happen and they were relentless in its pursuit now compare that to your own problems if you're like most people your goals probably aren't nearly as ambitious as inventing the first airplane you probably just want to make more money face your fears find your soul mate lose some weight or strike a blow for a better life things that have been done millions of times before and will be done again and again in the future by people just as capable as you these goals are possible however don't be fooled by the self-help that tells you you deserve it because you don't no one does that conversation will leave you waiting and wanting and eventually a complete victim to your own life sometimes you just have to grind it out stake your climb and hustle for what you want you will need to quite literally make it happen so when someone looks at you and says you'll never make a million dollars or your brain is telling you it's impossible for you to lose 100 pounds you have two choices you can succumb to the notion that you don't know what you're doing that you lack the resources that you don't have what it takes or that you or your life needs to be fixed before you can do those things and then you can quit or you can disagree you can absolutely refuse to accept it and reach for your greatness you can say no you're wrong and i'm going to prove it the impossible only becomes possible in the moment you believe it is the famous football coach vince lombardi said we would accomplish more things if we did not think of them as impossible here's the crazy thing you can never really prove what's possible or impossible you could throw yourself at something a thousand times failing miserably on every attempt and yet succeed on attempt number 1001. the truth is you can never really know we never really have all the facts as human beings we still only understand a tiny fraction of our own minds let alone the world of the oceans or space or technology if someone tells you that they have all the answers call them out on that the truth is they're winging it just like you just like everyone else answers give me a freaking break so if we can't even say for certain that it's impossible to put a man on mars how can any of us know what we're really capable of in the day-to-day living of our lives they can't the only question is whether you agree with what you can and cannot do an opinion only becomes true when you accept it and stop acting on your potential my own life is an example of what's possible when you live life beyond your own beliefs and the views of others i was a pretty average high school student but i've gone on to travel the world and coach thousands and thousands of people have guided doctors lawyers politicians actors celebrities athletes ceos hell i've even coached catholic priests in ireland and buddhist monks in thailand there's a wondrous magical life out there waiting for you in the unknown and while it's not all cherry pies and bubble gum there is a reality that you can accomplish that's far beyond the one you're currently wasting away in blazing the relentless trial to see this idea of relentlessness in action let's look at a major success story that you and i are likely to be familiar with arnold schwarzenegger arnold was born to relatively poor parents in a small town in austria just a couple of years after the end of world war ii yet young arnold dreamt of going to america and acting in movies what do you think his parents thought of that dream what do you think his fellow austrian townsfolk told him about his ambitions or whispered behind his back remember we're not talking about today where we have television and internet and smartphones and anyone with a wireless connection can become a celebrity back then most households didn't even have a tv america was a nebulous fantastical concept for arnold and the people he grew up with a place they had only seen in pictures or movies so you can pretty much guarantee that everyone he knew thought there was no chance he'd ever realize his dream and if he had accepted that at any point their words would have come true if he had agreed that he wouldn't become a world famous bodybuilder it would have been true if he had agreed that he couldn't move to america he wouldn't have if he had accepted that he'd never make it into movies or he'd never be a star actor or he couldn't become governor he would have quit but he never agreed with what the world or other people told him about what was and wasn't possible he was relentless he spent hours in the gym every day pushing his body he practiced his bodybuilding poses he read books he learned business he auditioned for movie roles relentlessly giving up or changing plans simply wasn't an option and if you look at his path you can learn something valuable about relentlessness sometimes it's all you have before arnold no austrian bodybuilder had ever gone on to become an a-list action star in the united states let alone be elected governor of california you can be sure he spent a good part of his life and career not really knowing where he was going there aren't any road signs when you're tracking through uncharted territory it's all discovery and exploration you are blazing a trail not following one when you find yourself in that situation all you can do is focus on and deal with what's directly in front of you you just put one foot in front of the other taking things on as they present themselves even arnold who had a big grand vision ultimately achieved it by taking one step at a time he'd go to the gym and start working on his biceps he'd focus on each movement each rise and fall of the dumbbell rep after rep after rep feeling his muscles flex and tear and grow then when he was done with biceps he'd move on to shoulders and then back and then glutes and then quads and then carves as he worked each respective muscle group he gave it his full attention and then it was on to the next one moment by moment by moment when he had worked each muscle each body part to exhaustion he went home but there he was the next day doing it all over again relentlessly look more recently at people like malala yousafzai who stands for the rights of women and children in afghanistan or micah phelps and his record-breaking athletic accomplishments or jessica cox born without arms and currently flying commercial airlines are you getting the picture here the key to becoming relentless is to focus on the problem in front of you give it your full attention become someone who progresses even when all seems lost the answer is always out there all you need to do is find it then you can move forward to your next obstacle and you give that obstacle your full attention until it's taken care of and then there's the next and the next and the next by doing this you never have to wonder where you're going you're not worried about how many miles you've left to walk you've become someone who loves obstacles rather than avoids them because obstacles are your keys to success and growth you simply take one step at a time and if you come upon something that's blocking your path you find a way to get over it or get around it then you keep walking relentlessness doesn't mean charging into the fray head first swinging and flailing your arms every which way it's focused determine action again and again and again you're not bashing your fist against a brick wall until it's bloody and bruised you're using your hammer and chisel to slowly methodically chip away piece by piece until eventually there's a hole and then the hole gets bigger and bigger and before you know it you're like alice stepping through the looking glass into a whole new world you are relentless when you're not sure if you're following the right path when you've been knocked down a few too many times it's completely fine to get discouraged hell even defeated what's not okay is to stop because you can always lean on relentlessness when you have nothing else you have relentlessness rather than worrying about whether you should keep going or turn back press in relentlessly relentlessness has one direction and that's forward it only has one option and that's to keep the momentum going no giving up there's no quitting there's no changing of plans relentless is the bodybuilder who goes to the gym for hours every day relentless is a prospective entrepreneur who has been ridiculed or rejected for their completely original idea but keeps pitching it anyway relentless is the overweight mom who feels like she's never gonna get there relentless is the newly minted college graduate at the bottom of the corporate ladder barely making enough to pay her rent and yet staying at the office later than anyone else just to learn as much as she can relentless is you anyone who's ever gone to the gym knows that the results aren't immediate you don't spend 30 minutes on the treadmill and look like a new person but that doesn't mean what you're doing isn't working you're making progress with each exercise each step each movement each action you get a little better a little closer until one day you look in the mirror and think wow it's the same thing with your business or your health or your career or your relationships even when you don't see anything happening it is even when you're not quite hitting the mark you're making progress until one day you look at your bank balance or your new job or your children or your new house and think wow and that's why you have to keep going relentlessly because when you're tracking through the jungle you don't know if you're three days from civilization or 30 minutes all you can do is walk the only way out is forward sit up straighten your spine and repeat after me i am relentless chapter eight i expect nothing and accept everything firstly do not be deceived by the title of this chapter there is something truly amazing for you to discover in the following pages imagine this you've always dreamed of starting your own business being your own boss controlling your own schedule and really building something you can be proud of something you can point to is a major life accomplishment through a combination of hard work determination and solid planning you've managed to organize your life in such a way that this dream of yours can now become a reality you've already come up with a great business idea hired a company to create a cool logo and branding and now it's time to get to work here's where the fun begins you'll need a store of course and that's the first task you tackle spending the next week driving around town scouting locations and negotiating with real estate agents it's not easy but you finally find what you think is a pretty good location for a pretty good price there was another place you really had your eye on but you couldn't make it work within the budget there are a few other things to get taken care of like property insurance a business license and setting up your taxes even though you have yet to make a dollar you've already had to hire an accountant to help you sort through those complicated business taxes oh well on to your next project your store will need furniture and other necessary equipment so you shop around to get a right on that another thing off the checklist obviously you'll need someone to work there too time to hire some employees check it's all going pretty well until boom that deal you had fought for and ground out to secure the unique product you were planning to sell fell through and now you have to look for alternatives your heart sinks and breathing shallows as you frantically search out wholesalers importers manufacturers anyone who can help and start asking for quotes the only problem is the new prices you're being quoted are way beyond your pricing model how can you make this thing work you tirelessly continue searching but keep coming up zero after zero after zero this is fast becoming a disaster you've already invested massive amounts of time and resources into this and now you've had a big fat roadblock you're realizing now that you should have seen this coming this is business stuff is bound to go wrong the cascading stream of doubt and second guessing washes through your brain with a heavy rinse cycle of reality damn it this was going too smoothly i just knew something like this would happen this feeling builds and grows until it starts to pull you under setting up a business means risking everything you've ever worked for is it even worth it you've got bills for the love of god now that you really think about it you've spent more time working on this project than you did at your last job a lot more i mean come on it's been day and night with hardly a breath you have less control of your time than you ever did before your every thought second and dollar has been geared towards this thing why did you ever think it was better to work for yourself this isn't what you signed up for is it maybe this whole thing was a mistake you're starting to feel a little darker and more depressed while you start to confront the gut-churning possibility that you might lose all that investment and wind up having to crawl back to your old boss and ask if you can return to your old job whoa easy tiger before we get ahead of ourselves let's take a step back expecting the expected what's really going on here it's simple you like everyone else are weighed down by expectation i'm not talking about the usual kind of everyday expectations you're aware of it's also not like we're literally saying to ourselves i expect this or i expected that in a conscious way it's something that's happening just below the surface where you'll only see it if you take the time to look closely now i'm talking about the ugly undermining hidden and treacherous expectations that dwell in the wings and under the stage of your broadway blockbuster the kind of expectations you didn't even know you had until they came out of nowhere and blindsided you and sucked the air from your lungs when you and i take on a life-changing project we prepare for it from what we know that includes items from our own experience what we've read heard and imagined we start to picture it in our minds we research we ask others for their opinions and consume reams of information we begin to assemble an idea of what this will look like and how we're going to get there that image in our heads becomes the template from which we will work and plan what we don't see is that we're also setting up a world of hidden expectations the cracks and crevices hidden in the foundation of our best laid plans that can kill off a potential idea before it really gets going in our business example our budding entrepreneur didn't expect to lose his deal for product and while losing that deal was bad enough the interruption to his expectation was actually the biggest blow to his aspirations how do you know if you have hidden expectations in your life if you have places in your life where you experience disappointment resentment regret suppression anger lethargy essentially anywhere you are deflated or have some loss of your personal husba or any other suppressive emotion you have these expectations any place where you're just not yourself if you look at these places long enough you'll see the reality of that area of your life is in some way short of the scenario you had anticipated in your mind's eye if you have upset in your marriage you'll see a gap between your expectations of how it was supposed to be and how it in fact is for others it might be your finances your weight loss new job etc your powerlessness is directly correlated to the gap between your hidden expectations and your reality the greater the gap the worse you'll actually feel i read somewhere that the root cause of upsetting marriage is unmet expectation i think it goes out further much further i say the problem is expectation itself i contend that the upsets strewn throughout your entire life are a product of thousands of unspoken or unrecognized expectations that cast a giant shadow across your life experience causing great stress when you're trying to make life fit with your expectations and great disappointment when life doesn't match up to them here's what else they do they actually get in the way of our real lives are real issues and items that require attention they're like a mirage that diverts us from our genuine power and clouds our ability to take pronounced decisive action in short you end up working on your expectations and having life line up with them rather than taking the actions that would positively impact your situation this side tracking draws your power away from what's actually going to improve your life or accomplish your goal down a pathway of no power no results and wasted time cutting out the middleman of expectation now that we have busted our problems with expectations wide open you'll start to realize something and that's that many of the difficulties and complications in your life are the direct result of expectations that you have or have had we have been using an example of a business plan gone wrong but in your own life your failed relationships dissatisfaction with work and abandoned diets can be traced right back to expectation how many times have you said to yourself this isn't how i thought it would be what about the last time you were angry with someone can you remember it take a moment to examine that situation and you'll soon realize that your anger was a product of expectations the gap between how it is and how it should have been you harbor an unspoken expectation that people in your life will be agreeable you expect them to tell the truth and follow through on any agreements you have with them expect expect expect and when they don't match those expectations oh boy that's all great and good mr scottish man but how in the hell do i uncover my hidden expectations easy pick an area of your life in which things aren't going as well as you'd like them to maybe even somewhere in your life that sucks right now take a pen and a piece of paper and write out how that area was supposed to turn out how had you planned how should have this gone you might have to use your imagination and sense of wonder to get in touch with how the future looked from back there get in touch with the hope and positivity of that area and where it was supposed to head describe it in as much detail as you can possibly recall next on a separate piece of paper write down how this area actually looks again make this an exhaustive description not just it sucks get into detail about why it is the way it is and what you now have to deal with how do you feel now that this part of your life did not meet your expectations now look at both pieces of paper side by side your pain anguish disappointment or whatever your thing is is greater in the areas where the gap is widest between what you expected and what you actually have in there are your hidden expectations do the work here until you fully uncover the expectations you had inadvertently set yourself up for good now look again in what way does how you feel about this make a difference to your reality does it make it any better does it solve your issue hell no it makes no positive difference what so freaking ever it even makes it worse your problems don't derail you your hidden expectations do the point here is that the expectation of how life should be doesn't do you any good you're actually more winded by the whack your expectations took than the situation itself and that's the deal with expectations they blow things out of proportion and dilute your power to deal with issues effectively and powerfully listen it's not like i'm saying something radically new here the notion of letting go of expectations has been around for thousands of years although in our culture that of the west it's a practice very few engaging here's the coaching cut it out let go of those expectations now it's much more powerful to come to terms with life's unpredictability and to engage with your circumstances for what they actually are then get bogged down by your refusal to let go of unnecessary or unproductive expectations the world revolves around change birth and death growth and destruction rise and fall summer and winter it's never the same from one day to another no matter how much it might seem that it is heraclitus said no man ever steps in the same river twice our minds would love to predict and plan for everything that's going to happen but it's simply not possible and these expectations not only have a negative effect on our emotional state they actually leave us less powerful than we really could be it's so much more effective to simply take things as they present themselves to live in the moment like there's another moment you could live in and solve issues and items as they arise than to constantly expect it's not that i'm anti-planning i most certainly am not but the stone cold attachment to the plant and all the expectation therein is a little like falling out of a rowboat and continuing to roll even though you have no oars and no boat under you anymore your plan and image of how this should have gone is no longer relevant but you still struggle to reconcile the space between your expectations and reality life can be like that at times on some occasions you have to realize that the game has changed sometimes dramatically so and you need to pivot deal with your reality wake up you're in the water stop waving your arms about and paddle to shore dammit life is more of a dance than a march our mind has all kinds of automatic thought processes that we don't even know are going on expectations are just one of them albeit an important one here's the harsh truth about how our brain works we all like to believe in something called free will it's one of those concepts that really speaks to who we are as human beings i mean let's be honest if we don't have free will what in the hell do we have we value the notion that we freely choose what we do and when to do it we want to feel that we control our own fate and shape our own destiny but when our minds are rolled by these automatic thought processes do we really have free will many would argue that we don't listen here's how much free will you have stop doing all that you know you shouldn't be doing and start doing all the you know you should be doing all of it this free will stuff isn't so easy now is it no man is free who is not master of himself that was said by epictetus because as we've talked about throughout this book even when you feel yourself making a conscious decision there are a series of unconscious thought processes that are driving that choice things you don't even see or acknowledge people are much more irrational and illogical than we realize in many cases our subconscious is the puppet master that truly pulls the strings fortunately you can take back your freedom to choose and that's by understanding how your mind works seeing what it's doing as it does it and being able to use that information to cognitively choose something else to make conscious that which is currently unconscious expectations are just one of these things when life is appropriate i expect nothing and accept everything this is your final personal assertion let me get clear about this one this is not some meek weak submission to life no this is the statement of a masterful celebrant of success someone who cannot be dominated by anyone or anything when you expect nothing you're living in the moment you're not worrying about the future or rejecting the past you're simply embracing your situation as it comes when you accept everything that doesn't mean you're okay with it or that you agree with it but simply that you are owning it and in charge of it remember you can always change something when you can take ownership and responsibility for it sometimes it's the single most effective way of resolving your stuff own it here's what apectitis had to say don't seek to have events happen as you wish but wish them to happen as they do happen and all will be well with you the next time you catch yourself getting brought down by your expectations shift things in a different direction instead of getting your knickers in a twist about how things didn't turn out the way you wanted or expected them to simply accept them for what they are in that moment you're now freed up to deal with them this is appropriate when you're having growing pains at your new job take a step back and realize how appropriate that really is of course a new job is going to take some getting used to whether it's the tasks you're performing or the people you work with it's therefore entirely appropriate to make a few mistakes or tread carefully as you try to get to know your new colleagues the expectations dissolve right there immediately if your relationship is struggling change your perspective and get the whole picture what are your expectations many of us expect our partners to be a certain way consistently or to anticipate her needs and know exactly what we're feeling as if by magic but your partner like you is an imperfect human with his or her own set of complicated emotions and thoughts so it's appropriate that they may sometimes be distracted or get short with you after a bad day we often expect other people to treat us exactly as we treat them if we do them a favor we expect to get the same favor back in return it becomes an unspoken debt of sorts when we give our partner a foot massage we expect them to reciprocate either directly or indirectly those expectations grow in both weight and complexity in an intimate or romantic relationship you won't believe how much your interactions with other people will improve the moment you let go of expecting the instant you learn to accept things as they happen again this doesn't mean you need to put up with shitty or abusive relationships but the only thing more unpredictable than one person is two unpredictable people if you are in one of those kinds of relationships it's time for you to invoke the boat analogy stop rowing the game has changed shift your plan your partners friends and family members all have their own desires perceptions and feelings well you're thinking one thing they're more than likely thinking something completely different that thing that's got you feeling pissed may not have even registered on their radar they could be completely oblivious to what's going on with you instead of silently expecting something and feeling slighted when it doesn't happen let go of that expectation if there's something you want how about asking for it with no expectation and when you do something positive or generous do it because you genuinely want to rather than loading in the added weight of what you expect in return that game of tit-for-tat only hurts you both in the long run if it's something serious that consistently challenges the relationship confront the other party about it don't expect them to realize how you feel or by the same token expect them to be able to change how you feel they can't only you can do that people are always going to lie steal cheat and everything else one can imagine it's just not connected to reality to living the expectation that they somehow won't and then throw a hissy fit when they do it anyway remember in those cases you always end up worse off than they do much worse you end up sticking yourself with resentment regret anger or frustration remember they're not doing that to you you're doing that part to yourself you really can accept things for what they are it doesn't mean you condone them or that you won't decisively change them this is about becoming masterful with your mind and your emotional state it's about quieting the mind and allowing yourself to act with power in the situations of your life rather than succumbing to your internal and external upsets expecting nothing accepting everything none of this means you can't plan although i'm telling you to walk through life aimlessly without direction or goals but when you make a plan what do you have to gain from being welded to the expectations inherent in it nothing when you are free from its expectations you are in a dance with life where you can simply execute the plan and deal with what happens if it succeeds you can celebrate if it fails you can recalibrate don't expect victory or defeat plan for victory learn from defeat the expectation of people loving you or respecting you is a pointless exercise too be free to love them the way they are and be loved the way that they love you free yourself from the burden and melodrama of expectation let the chips fall where they may love the life you have not the one you expected to have i expect nothing and accept everything this simple personal assertion gets you out of your head and powerfully into your life out of your thoughts and into your reality problems barriers disagreements and disappointments are all part of every human being's life your job is to not get caught up in that crap to stay out of the swamp of mediocrity and drama to reach for your greatest self your greatest potential and to challenge yourself to live that life every single day of it your life your success your happiness really are in your own hands the power to change the power to let go be adventurous and embrace your potential all lie within your reach remember no one can save you no one can shift you all of that is your responsibility and what better time to embrace that change than now chapter nine where next i've given you seven personal assertions i am willing i am wired to win i got this i embrace the uncertainty i am not my thoughts i am what i do i am relentless i expect nothing and accept everything each of them plays into a theme you may not immediately see it but it's there if you want your life to be different you have to make it happen all of the thinking or meditating or planning or anti-anxiety medication in the world isn't going to improve your life if you're not willing to go out and take action and make changes you can't sit around waiting for the right mood to strike or for life to play out the way you want it to nor can you rely on positive thinking alone to transform things for the better you have to go out and do one of the ironic things about developing our mind and our mindset is that it can actually keep us from acting on the things we really need to act on you can become a personal development drone you know tons of cool but it's made little or no difference to the trajectory of your life we think as soon as i get rid of my worry or discomfort i'll start dating again or when i find the root of my procrastination or when i find something to motivate me i'll be completely unleashed and happy the desire to work on our procrastination just leaves us stuck in a cycle of procrastination and not procrastination and keeps us even further from forwarding our actual lives we're waiting on that moment our experience when everything in our mind is just perfect our thoughts are clear our emotions are positive and our anxiety our worry has completely disappeared when we feel off we put our lives off that's right you're waiting on a feeling life doesn't work like that there is no perfect mood and while you're waiting on it to improve and miraculously make your life better uh guess what your life isn't getting any better none of these assertions are going to make your life easy hell for a while they're more than likely to make your life harder nor is it enough to simply internalize them you need to act on them it's this simple in order to improve your internal world you have to start by taking action in the external world get out of your mind and get out into your life you're going to die the german philosopher martin heidegger said if i take death into my life acknowledge it and face it squarely i will free myself from the anxiety of death and the pettiness of life and only then will i be free to become myself one day you're going to die you're going to stop breathing become still and cease to exist you will exit this physical plane whether it's tomorrow or 20 years from now it's going to happen we're all mortal there's no escaping it you might find discomfort in these words or resist the notion of your demise but if it's the truth you're after that's the one truth you just cannot argue with you are going to die imagine that you're on your deathbed you hear the beep beep beep of the monitor nearby your health is critical you've only got a few earth to live you can feel your heartbeat and energy slide as you lie there you start to look back on your life you never made the change you wanted you stayed stuck in that same job that same relationship that same overweight body until now the day you die you read the books but you never applied them you planned diets but you never followed them you told yourself what you were going to do psyched yourself up a thousand times but you never did it you started dozens if not hundreds of life-changing escapades and then wilted as you lie there in your hospital bed loved ones cycling in and out over the course of the day what do you feel regret remorse sorrow what would you give if you could go back to this moment the one in which you're reading this book and do things differently if only damn it wake up the regret will course through your body your mind your heart it'll be crushing unbearable you're not sure whether to fear death or to welcome it just so it can take you out of this misery here's the thing future you is not going to regret a lack of achievement or the absence of any one thing in your life the only thing you will regret is not trying not striving not pushing through when the going got tough not all mountaineers make the summit sometimes they turn back retool keep coming at it they're just never satisfied with standing at the bottom hanging out with all the other non-climbers and explaining their lack of ascent now they packed up their tent and moved forward and they will pass from this world knowing they gave every ounce of their effort that they played full out they loved the climb you won't regret not making a million dollars you'll regret never starting that business or quitting that lousy job you won't regret not marrying a supermodel you'll regret staying in that dead end relationship when you knew you could do better you won't regret not looking like a bodybuilder you'll regret stopping at the drive-through every night on your way home and living a lie and this will happen to you you will die you will go through all of that on your own in the quiet solitude of your own dwindling consciousness unless you take the action that's needed to change to build the life you want the life you can be proud of stop buying yourself off we're constantly buying ourselves off we have all kinds of things we tell ourselves about why we can't i can't i can't i can't but you can these are all just excuses you promise yourself all kinds of new actions you put them off with a litany of reasons and end up with nothing more than a growing relationship to yourself as a bullshitter you're way more likely to sell out on yourself than anyone else the only difference between you and the person who's living the life you want is that they're doing it they've built that life and they're living it they're not smarter more mindful stronger or any of that stuff they don't have anything you don't the only difference is that successful people don't wait they're not waiting for the right moment they don't wait for inspiration to strike or for some cosmic event to force them to action they get up and they do and they try and they fail even before they may feel ready they're flying the airplane while they're building it if it falls out of the sky they'll piece it back together and try again your internal condition means nothing it's just another excuse that you give yourself to stay out of the risky zones of life the problem is those risky zones are life the rest is just existing stop blaming your past for those of you who are blaming your past thinking that holds you back i invite you to think again i invite you to confront the notion that what has been is greater than what can be we all have pasts some of them are horrific so what before you jump furiously on the offended bus why is it you show more passion for your past than you do for your future you and i both know no one can free you but you i'm not just another guy in the diner with an opinion i've coached people with past that would make your toes curl they have gone on to live free and happy lives and you can too people become trapped in their past trapped in their childhood it's one of the many reasons we tell ourselves that we can't it's an easy way to relieve yourself of the responsibility you have for your current circumstances but nothing can stop you from moving forward and being great if that's what you really want it doesn't matter what happened yesterday or five years ago or when you were in second grade just like how we improve our internal by moving to the external we can forget our past by creating a future building something big something bigger than anything you've done when what's in front of you is so bright and so satisfying you won't have time to look behind you your eyes and mind will be focused straight ahead that will draw you out a big enough bright enough sexy enough future a future so soaked with potential and possibility its weight will snap you free from that significant and laborious past you may not like everything from your past but it's helped shape who you are today good and bad that's right there is plenty good about you and that good is enough to get you what you want that person is fully capable of living the life they want nothing will hold you back if you want enough and act on it enough two steps to freedom if you're truly ready to change your life to take hold of that freedom you've been missing there are two things you need to do one stop doing what you're currently doing simple right look at the things that are sourcing your problems the habits that have put you in the situation you're in if you don't get anything done because you're glued to the couch binge watching netflix for hours at a time or have become a little too attracted to the delicacies of your local dunkin donuts stop doing it no seriously stop now don't start listing all the reasons you can but the shows are so good that i'm so tired after work or i need the small pleasures to keep me going if you can't even stop watching tv long enough to get your life together you obviously don't want to change that's basic it's the bare minimum to be honest so what will it be netflix or a better paying career donuts are a body you can be proud of video games are a loving relationship if eating out every day makes you feel like crap why are you still doing it and every time you think you can't stop that's just another excuse you can you can and you will stop buying yourself off stop letting your internal condition dominate the quality of your life take back the wheel if you continue to be led by your emotions you'll only be left with regret you'll eventually live that vision lying on your deathbed and thinking what if i'm not saying your emotions and feelings aren't important i'm not asking you to turn into a robot what i am saying is that you need to get those experiences much further down the ladder of importance and act on what is going to make the biggest difference to your life one of the common excuses we feed ourselves is i want to change my life but while watching hours of tv eating junk food dreaming our way through facebook etc be straight with yourself you don't want to change if you did you'd be doing it call yourself out on this take a long hard look at your life be honest with yourself identify the behaviors that are holding you back you need to use every waking hour of your life to further your cause no excuses you're not any different or any worse off than anyone else you're not a special case who needs different roles than everyone else you need to make a choice right now you're never going to change your life until you get rid of those things no more excuses number two start taking the actions to propel you forward again pretty straightforward right changing your life isn't just about not doing certain things you've also got to put in the work and build the positive habits that will pull you in the right direction if you want a new job go out and apply for one get out there and network search the classifieds talk to friends ask for references no i mean really do them don't say you will and then don't don't hype yourself up then push it off until tomorrow you are what you do not what you say you'll do that's a quote by carl jung take stock of the things you want to achieve what do you want to accomplish what do you need to do to get there map out the next step hold yourself accountable moment by moment by moment to those steps these two steps stopping and starting are naturally linked because psychologically it's hard just to quit something cold turkey especially when it's an addictive habit that affects the very chemistry of our brains like food or sex or drugs or video games stopping your bad habit doesn't help unless you replace it with something else something that actually works in your favor and as an example of the new kind of life you really want to live it's about systematically replacing the old with the new forging a new life for yourself the kind of life you've always wanted you have to clear out the bad to make room for the good otherwise you're not going to have enough evidence for that new life you're building a case for a new life item by item the process has to be thorough and decisive or you'll always be held back and slowed down on your journey to change carrying that dead weight quit the tv the sea of self-help books that you read and do nothing with excessive eating sofa camping and procrastination replace them with tango classes book clubs eating for fuel bicycle riding and expressing yourself anything need support get yourself a coach a good one the best you can afford if money is an issue join my i365 program a 12-month journey of personal expansion and power it's on my website and you can participate for less than the cost of a daily cup of coffee like i said no excuses get out of your head napoleon bonaparte said take time to deliberate but when the time for action comes stop thinking and go in there is a time for thinking and developing your mind but ultimately you've got to step up to the plate and put what you know into action all of your assertions play into that you are willing to take action and to embrace the uncertainty that comes along with it i am relentless doesn't mean relentlessly thinking or watching tv it means relentlessly doing relentlessly taking action pursuing your goals acting and failing and ultimately succeeding nothing that i've shown you will make a single difference in your life unless you act on it you have to make the difference make it happen you have to claim your greatness i'm not going to do it for you neither is your mother or your spouse or your neighbor confidence won't save you the future is not suddenly going to improve your worry isn't going to suddenly disappear and your new qualifications aren't going to suddenly make you assertive or credible only you can take a stand for your potential don't just read this think about it and then go on about your life doing the same over and over apply it i'll do it later no do it now i'm not smart enough to do that cut it out stop honoring that and act don't let your mind control you any longer stop letting it hold you back with its excuses and distractions and worries you are not your thoughts you are your actions you are what you do and your actions are the only thing separating you from where you are and where you want to be this isn't about seizing the day this is about seizing the moment the hour the week the month this is about seizing your life and staking a claim for yourself as though your life depended on it because the reality is it does this is gary john bishop this production of unfuck yourself get out of your head and into your life was directed by katie ostroka and recorded at sunspot productions in orlando florida engineered by gerardo calajouri post-production by common mode paul fowley technical director executive producer karia stroka text copyright 2016 by gary john bishop production copyright 2017 by harper collins publishers all rights reserved thank you for listening audible hopes you have enjoyed this program you

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Id: N1kwIPjq6tY

Length: 204min 1sec (12241 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 31 2020