Tremors Shrieker Island Review

ah hello worldwide web i'm doctor shadow of the united personality with the best hair and now that things are finally getting back on schedule i can actually review movies that have not only been major requests but have been sitting in my movie collection for months mocking me such as today's movie tremors shrieker island originally titled tremors island fury this would be the seventh film in the tremors franchise having released just last year in 2020 michael grass returns as bert gummer graboids abound and this time they mix things up by setting it all on a tropical paradise and they are dated africa and the arctic in the last two movies and the fourth one was set in the old west so i guess they're kind of running out of settings for this story to take place in unless the next three movies are graboids take manhattan tremors goes to hell and let's not forget ass blasters in space either way the basic plot here isn't something we haven't heard before grab loads are at it again and bert gummer has come out of retirement once more to deal with that problem however this is a special kind of graboid as the real monster mankind is doing it once more damn you human race anyway let's take a look at trevor's shrieker island and see just what humanity has screwed up this time we open up to a tropical jungle and a man running as fast as he can i gotta give the editor props for this sequence if you think about it in no single shot is this guy doing anything nearly as impressive as the editing is making it seem however it turns out he is in fact the bait for a graboid hunt on this island being led by none other than the island's owner bill played by richard brake so you know he's crazy evil or both the prey is approaching the kill box activate the poison darts days richard been playing a few too many open world games if you think i can just stop to craft your special ammo in the middle of the boss fight which they unload on the pre-cambrian monstrosity and wow you know for a second there i was under the impression this was a high budget movie either way after loading it full of poison it seems to have slipped away so they figure it's just playing hard to get but anna played by cassie claire feels like their clients while paying them out the ass are not taking the hunt seriously and something about it just doesn't feel right to her ah it's nothing a little alcohol can fix and we move on to more impressive landscape shots so we can introduce the good guys for this movie jasmine welker played by caroline langrish asks freddy played by jackie cruz where oh where her team leader jimmy has run off to turns out he got completely fit chase the night before and is played by john header you know napoleon dynamite from the hit movie napoleon dynamite you hung over no yes just sends a shiver down my spine when i know within the first 12 seconds of meeting a guy he is definitely the comic relief for the movie seems they detected some seismic activity but the volcano looks like it's still nice and dormant so they don't pay it any mind something far more important is what's bill doing over there that's bill's private island jazz you know the deal no trespassing let's go see what he's up to i mean there's absolutely nothing the characters know at this point that would justify this kind of behavior but maybe jazz is just a busybody boating over conveniently enough right at the one part of the island with the signs private island no trespassing they make their way up the river and god damn thailand is beautiful someone tell me who did the location scouting for this movie i can't find it online and they deserve a ton of credit for the work they did anyway they move forward on foot jazz jimmy and miscellaneous before long they find looks like something punched his way out from inside the stake a dead graboid which as we know from the mountains and mountains of tremolore that exists already is only the first of their problems but not only is it a dead graboid it's a weird [ __ ] dead graboid huge and with an exoskeleton no time for that now though strange noises around okay i'm gonna start leading by example and run i suggest you do the same okay just because you have the spare red shirt doesn't mean that they have to spend their last moments of live witnessing you flexing your plot armor in front of them as they flee but oh who could have seen this coming the extra character they brought just in case the body count needed a rise is attacked by shriekers and killed in a nicely clean pg-13 manner but now napoleon dynamite has to deal with the horror of shriekers taking his friends from him i tried to help him but i tried to help him way to drool out your lines man was that even supposed to happen i got i got this strange feeling that it just did and the director was there like i love it use it i did my best i did jasmine there was nothing you could do oh come on there's plenty of things you can do to kill one shrieker seven movies in we've seen plenty of examples but jazz says they must find birch gummer can't get travis because they kind of sort of got locked up in the interim fun fact i tried to find out if jimmy kennedy got in trouble with the law and all i found was there are a lot of criminals out there named jamie kennedy where is bert though exactly where a prepper would retire if their biggest goal in life was to stay off the grid and say no to government bureaucracy living that glorious lifestyle from castaway for a second there i thought i was going to get cannibalized but i'm not right now they're saving zombie bert gummer for the next movie they also established the only reason they were able to find this island was because bert's son travis was kind enough to let them know anyway long story short bert we got a graboid problem and kinda need some help with that it's your destiny mr gummer your destiny i always get the feeling that scenes like this are just reenactments of the studios begging the actor to come back for just one more movie while john is convincing michael that the paycheck is very much worth it jazz is back on the island interrogating bill about the graboids he illegally imported for their hunt well i'm bred and genetically modified to be super graboids because you can't have a monster movie sequel these days without turning the damn thing super shut this hunt down now yeah i can't do that we're only like 20 minutes into this movie and we gotta give the audience their money's worth i just can't believe you've done this bill ah [ __ ] i can't believe you've done this bill also was sure to jam the comms grid so their hunt can go uninterrupted so there's no going back now but it's been a while since the body count last rose so that night while one of the hunting party is hiding in the porta potty okay so the graboid got him without breaking any of the ground or structure around him i guess he could have sent a tentacle up through that could have gone around it i'm i'm just saying oh yeah but bert's son travis old travis welker this is jasmine welker yeah that's a fine how do you do and a conversation that bert is not about to have okay henceforth we will limit our conversation to pre-cambrian life forms understood right then graboids and a whole ass ton of single-celled organisms going over the entire history of graboids is a lot though but fortunately burt just so happened to keep a copy of the graboid biology video for just such an occasion getting everyone up to snuff on the history of graboid attacks the shriekers and lest we forget the ass blaster that way he can both give the presentation and get himself cleaned up for the adventure ahead and to make a good first impression to the big bad i suppose bill davidson billionaire philanthropist and uh hunter of all things exotic bird gummer finally the biggest two actors on set come face to face in adversarial positions so they can flex and find out who is the best actor of all to the script of tremor seven well i hope they like a challenge bill swears the graboids can't get out as he's got it all under control but burt is unconvinced he intends to take these graboids out himself with this ragtag group of scientists uh there's another problem we're we're completely gun less their current list of armaments include spit balls rubber bands and hopes and dreams well they do have a little world war ii bomb shelter with old and not particularly safe dynamite on hand flamethrowers machetes pretty much everything but a rifle anyway back with the hunters or should i say the hunted [Music] man they're not even trying to match the similarities at this point they hunt my heat signature like predator okay guys this is universal that was fox are you sure you're allowed to say this oh wait has disney bottom both by now this is real life's not some hollywood fairy tale you got that it's not some silly fantasy story like predator this is tremors this is serious business before long though the shriekers attack and now their shrieking isn't just annoying it's one of their attacks stunning their prey while they go in for their kill however burton companies swoop in to save the day throwing flames and firing tracker darts but before they can finish them off bert hears a graboid nearby ah man they got not jesse ventura why does it always happen like this sacrificing a flamethrower to distract the beast they blow it the [ __ ] up and then it rains graboid guts so uh that hunting trip's over just in time to get news that hey they've detected a ridiculously huge super super graboid and it kind of sort of got off dark island and they ain't gotta deal with it bill however intends to finish the hunt and would like bert to stop interfering because uh i guess he forgot what just happened five minutes ago well i guess we're at an impasse see this is the trouble with not having guns well you can't fully blame them i mean whose bright idea was it to go into retirement and oh yeah not have a single firearm to defend your island with relying instead on a pointy stick and they shoot him with a tranquilizer dart of course that way he can't interfere some cracks are showing in bill's hunting party and his spare geneticists that help make these things things maybe they shouldn't have and bert had a point after all they even have bert gummer day he's a superhero in some circles he's a paranoid militant with more guns and ammo than any sane person should have bill i really don't think you have the authority to speak about sane people here but where is bert tied up in the bunker with all his colleagues zip tied anyway but wait bert's shoes are actually jimmies and it just so happens to be laced with 550 paracord allowing them to cut the zip ties someone googled prepper hacks while scripting us unlike our bad guys who are still having trouble in their hunt because it's all they've done all movie nevertheless with enough flares and stupid people you can still set up some impressive looking shots [Music] awful helpful too that that subterranean monster just decided to lift up and stand down his little tippy toes and pose for no apparent reason well it's not even the one that kills the man that's some random one that came in from the side finally a hunt worthy predator huh i swear this man gets paid by the ooh this is finally just a bit much for honor though who leaves bill's hunting party believing the men to have gone insane jokes on her that requires him to have been sane at some point also while britt got out of the zip ties it turns out the door's locked from the outside what is this a child safety lock bunker well either way anna can immediately show up opening the door for them and joining their side meaning the zip tie thing really didn't amount to much she could have easily freed them from that as well no bother the big problem is the graboid trying to break into the bunker they have to shut down the generator but before they can do that they have to all pull out their cell phones for that handy-dandy led light what give me a break my cell's at zero percent i'm more confused as to why the hell everyone on this island has cell phones i'm pretty sure you don't have coverage from here they figure it's time to make the bomb shelter a graboid lure with the generator and use the dynamite to take it out thus using the conveniently established handy-dandy lighter bert tosses a sticker to the pile and they must run taking out the third graboid leaving only one remaining the queen graboid the super super graboid oh well we didn't actually see which one they took out here so leaving the super super graboid and there's this bill and one dude left to eat on the baddies side so bill does as he does and uses him as bait to try and take the graboid out with a [ __ ] handgun really a surprise this doesn't work but bert has come to reason with this unreasonable man once more oh phil come on oh would you look at that it turns out he was completely out of his mind and running all the way here was a [ __ ] waste of time unless he needed to get his cardio for the day i guess so now bert and the good guys are the only ones left why didn't come after you you're obviously the alpha she's calling the weakest from the herd first oh crap that means i'm next well at least you can't fault the character for being stupid the first priority however is to take out every last shrieker on that island fortunately for them today is going to be really [ __ ] hot and therefore the shrieker's heat tracking will be impeded by the ambient temperature but before they can go off on this mission we gotta stop to have a heart-to-heart between bert and jazz about their son i don't want you to feel trapped into something you weren't ready for or didn't want understatement that's why i went in a lot we do the best we can with what we got just so everyone knows it's okay to be a single mother i was raised by a single mom excuse me single moms are totally badass yeah okay just so everyone knows it's okay to be a single mother still now that we've established this would have made a fine mother's day review they head off to shrieker island the hell you doing put mud on me like arnold did in predator i mean i want those creatures seeing my heat signature okay now i'm just expecting the shrieks to do that thing from predator 2 where they're going to just flip through different vision modes until i can see them anyway bert jillian's in on the mud rub like they're playing a game of predator hunting grounds and not a moment too soon as they hear shriekers all around them let's go medieval on these ugly slime bags i thought we were going rambo oh huh you go rambo i've got the chainsaw i'm going evil dead well i guess that just leaves me to go all dirty hairy on him they also pop in some earplugs so we never have to worry about that shrieker shrieking attack again that can be confined to only one scene thus the action scene breaks out it's heroes versus streakers in a fight to the death bert slashes away with his machete while jimmy lays waste to the beasts with a [ __ ] chainsaw while this is going on the team back at base is luring and detecting the graboid queen so time to finish off the rest of the shriekers with a flamethrower burning them all to death until it runs out of fuel that is damn bert gum is channeling jason statham's character from the expendables all of a sudden who needs guns when you got pennsylvania steel guns still really would have helped a lot in this situation one cave of shriekers down that's probably the whole island i'm just going to assume this archipelago works under korean mmorpg rules they returned to camp and learned that they just so happened to walk in right where the queen graboid is lurking ah must get tiring for grabois eating victim after victim all the while most of them don't even have a single line of dialogue they do have a plan on how to kill her a plateau ever seen the first movie that but again fortunately this graboid is only interested in bert and can tell where he is but it just doesn't feel sporting if he's not making vibrations i guess that allows everyone else to set out and get the climax all prepared for them once they get far enough along bert moves out and the graboid moves in hopping on handy-dandy horseback he flees the beast luring it to the final trap what's the plan the plan is to get her to charge us draw it to the edge of the cliff and over it involved an explosion as well in the original trap i mean that's what hurt the graboid and disoriented it enough to run off the cliff but eh jimmy though intends to take command of this situation burt obviously doesn't like this idea i'm faster i'm wiser i'm younger ah you got me there well while feeding graboid's dynamite has worked before i don't think this is exactly how it's supposed to do it eventually they agree to do it as a team and the beast charges fleeing towards the cliff bert pushes the kid out of the way and flips the beast the bird and gets eaten well it's not bert's first rodeo down the gullet of a pre-cambrian monster he'll be fine the plan successful the graboid falls off the cliff crashes down and explodes into a bunch of tiny meaty chunks man these gushers commercials are getting weird so happy ending the queen graboid is dead and the world is safe from the scourge of mutant genetically enhanced pre-cambrian predators assuming of course that that one cave really did have all the shriekers in it but wait they can't find bert gummer anywhere and no this isn't a oh he was actually just fine waiting just out of frame bit they legit only managed to find his hat and the sunglasses and have a goddamn funeral for the guy before the movie ends on a montage memorial of all of burt gummer's best moments throughout the entire tremors franchise so yeah he's dead as [ __ ] which really recontextualizes that whole happy happy gore rain scene yeah anyway that was tremors shrieker island it's not exactly the high point of the series but it's entertaining nonetheless i think we're well past wondering if the series about graboids and ass blasters is going to lean into legit tension and meaningful character interaction or just cheesy fun and popcorn entertainment despite that trimmer's shrieker island kinda gives us a little of both the meat of the running time is just fun times entertaining characters in beautiful settings dealing with a graboid of the week the bad guys aren't deep or interesting they're just there to be bad make bad decisions and die so the heroes can finally save the day the downside though is even while such a simple prize can be immensely entertaining if done right most of the acting on display is not the greatest which is actually surprising considering the pedigree of a lot of the people on set which leaves me wondering how many takes were allocated during production still while the concept and presentation aren't much deeper than your average edf mission there is a hint of something deeper after a while the strained past between burt and jazz the show of care they both have for their son and of course the fact that the movie has the balls to kill off bert gummer if you enjoy the tremor series that ending highlight reel is gonna get you at the end of the day tremors shrieker island is an enjoyable film but not one you necessarily have to pay attention to a great watch with friends and fans of cheese coming in at three [ __ ] chainsaws to the shrieker out of five now if only some of those tremors projects with kevin bacon would get off the ground we might still have some life left in this franchise thank you all for watching i've been decker shadow and remember never ever trust a character played by richard brake [Music] so [Music] so [Music] so [Music] dot com what i wouldn't give for a mylar poncho right now

Channel: Decker Shado

Views: 80,173

Keywords: Decker Shado, tremors, tremors 7, tremors: shrieker island, movie review, review, review (media genre), horror movie, burt gummer, michael gross

Id: lII-4GiHm80

Length: 23min 4sec (1384 seconds)

Published: Wed May 12 2021