Transformed: How To Deal With How You Feel with Pastor Rick Warren

hello Saddleback have I told you lately that I love you and I want to say hi to all of our campuses all around California in the world you know what Saddleback Berlin Saddleback Buenos Aires Saddleback Hongkong I haven't got to tell you about your atom but those things those places are exploding with growth and they're reaching a whole new generation of people and I'm just so proud of what they're doing we've got teams going over all the time if you ever want to go to one of our Saddleback's around the world just let me know and I'll hook you up for a ride there's a lot of fun before we look at God's Word I want to give you four important dates would you write these down for important dates one of them is next Sunday afternoon February 23rd next time the afternoon I want to meet with all of our small group hosts here at the Lake Forest campus everybody's been coming in from all campuses all eight thousand of my personal friends and we're gonna have a party we're going to celebrate what God's been doing in the transformed series and I'm going to share with you some insider information so you make sure your hosts of your small group is here next Sunday afternoon we're going to give you some new materials and some exciting things then February 27th that's a Thursday and that's Saddleback at the movies day and all of our campus we're going to be renting out theaters across Southern California for a one day advance showing of the movie Son of God now it officially opens to everybody else the day before the day after on Friday but we've made some arrangements to get it early too for you to bring your friends too and you can as you heard earlier you can get the tickets out on the patios at each of our campuses afterwards that's going to be great what a lot of people don't know is that market Roma Downey who produced that movie asked me over a year ago to write a small group curriculum to go with the movie and so during the month of March and April all of our small groups we're going to study the life of Jesus and this is a curriculum it's out printed by a life way press its Son of God the life of Jesus in you and it's it's a beautiful curriculum has a DVD in it and what I did is I took scenes from each of the movie they're in here on the DVD so you'll watch those scenes in the small group and then key events from Jesus life and how it relates to your life for instance when one is Jesus baptism and and it's important for your baptism then Jesus temptation and the lessons for your temptation then Jesus suffering and what it means to when you go through suffering Jesus death and your death Jesus resurrection in your resurrection Jesus ministry and your ministry we're going to all do this after we finish 50 days of transformation in our small groups and we'll be passing this out to all of our hosts this next weekend that's going to be a great thing a third thing is March 8th is write that down March 8th particularly if you're a businessman businesswoman we do an annual Orange County summit on business and entrepreneurship it's on creativity and transformation this year you'd figure that and that's a Saturday and we'll all be coming to the Lake Forest campus from all of our campuses and I've arranged for some of the top business minds in the nation to come and speak including the number one business author Malcolm Gladwell who wrote blink and who wrote tipping point and others he's coming to speak a rich karl guard who is the publisher of Forbes magazine he'll be here a lot of well-known business leaders are coming and you want to bring some friends to that and then the fourth thing is March 28th and that is going to be the gathering on mental health and the church I'm very excited about this it's a first and Kay and I are putting this conference on one-day conference and we got to co-host with us the Catholic Diocese of Orange all the Catholic Church is going to be involved in this and the national alliance on mental health on mental illness and it we've got top names and speakers I'll be speaking at it Kay I'll be speaking at it and a number of well-known speakers one day if you know someone who struggles with mental health or you have a friend or loved one you're going to want to come to that on March 28th it's going to be on there all day Friday and Friday evening now if you have a Bible I want you to open the Book of Psalms and pull out your message notes we've been looking during 50 days of transformation first at spiritual health and then at physical help last week we looked at mental health and this week I want us to look at emotional health and that is how to deal with how you feel last week we talked about how to manage your mind your thoughts and this week I want us to look at what the Bible says about how to manage your emotions how to deal with how you feel mark 12:29 and 30 jesus says this the most important commandment is this you must love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind and all your strength you hear the motion in these words of Jesus Jesus is saying I don't want you just kind of love me I don't want you kind of love God I want you to love God passionately with all your heart all your soul all your mind and all your strength God wants an emotional relationship with you he doesn't want to head knowledge yeah I know Jesus I know God bah bah bah bah bah bah I want an emotional passionate relationship that is full of feelings now let me give you some facts about your emotions would you write these down before we get into this first God has emotions many people don't realize this God has feelings God is an emotional God God feels joy he feels grief he feels pain he feels hatred towards sin he has frustration with the people around him just like like you do and God has emotions the only reason you have emotions is because you're made in God's image if God wasn't an emotional God you wouldn't have any emotions we just celebrated Valentine's Day if God wasn't a God of love there would be no love on this planet God is love God created romance God created emotions created feelings so God is an emotional God number two my ability to feel is a gift from God your emotions are a gif from God may not always seem that way but even the negative ones have a role in your life emotions are a great asset that they're the one thing that make you human if you didn't have emotion you just bianna Tom automaton you'd be a robot you wouldn't be a human being it is your emotional ability that allows you to love and create and and to be faithful and loyal and kind and generous and all of the emotions that are attached to the good things in life one of the most astounding verses in the Bible is Genesis 1:26 God said let us make man in our image in our likeness as I said the only reason you have emotions is because God gave them to you and you were made in His image now number three there are two extremes that you need to avoid in dealing with emotions one is called emotionalism and the other is called stoicism let me explain these to you emotionalism means all that matters is how I feel emotionalism is that the extreme of saying the only thing that matters in life is how I feel doesn't matter what I think doesn't matter what's right or wrong doesn't matter what's popular unpopular good or bad what we're only matters is do what you feel and if it feels good do it and that extreme of emotionalism means everything I do in life is based on my emotions they control my life they dominate my life they run my life and and I'm a very emotional person then stoicism is the exact opposite and it basically says feelings aren't important at all feelings are not important at all the only thing that matters is your intellect and your will your volition and your intelligence and so the Stoics said you know emotions are not a part of life feelings really don't matter that's really funny because Stoics often marry emotional people and emotional people often marry Stoics and are typically often in a marriage you have one who's a stuffer and one who's a gusher okay stuffers and gushers marry now stuffers always get frustrated with gushers because they think they're too emotional and gushers always it matter with stuffers because they think they're too uptight and and you know closed down and shut down stuffers think you really shouldn't be sharing your emotions and a gushers think if you're not sharing your emotions you're not being authentic okay actually both of these are extreme positions and and the the happy medium is where you really want to be it's not emotional ism or stoicism it's interesting there are entire Christian denominations built on these two approaches to emotions you probably know some Christians who have decided that it doesn't really matter how you feel the only thing that matters is the truth of the word of God and they downplay emotion they say you know what that's like the caboose the train can run with or without the emotion it's not important well that's not right that's not right God gave you your emotions for a reason and God wants you to immerse to worship Him emotionally he wants you to feel it in fact God complains in the scripture many times about you're just worshiping with your lips but not with your emotion not with your heart you don't really feel it and by the way the word emotion isn't used that often in the Bible because instead the word uses the Bible uses the word passions or affections or the number one term for emotions is heart now we still use that today we just had Valentine's Day and we say I give you my heart and heart is a symbol of love and emotions and even today say I love you with all my heart and and of course in the Bible this is the metaphor that that the mind represents the intellect and the heart represents the emotions we now know that those are actually two different circuit systems in your brain and and that your emotions have an amazing system as well as your your thoughts do and some things you just react emotionally without even thinking about it but some Christians they just say emotions aren't important then there are other Christians who say emotions are all it matters and when they come to church they looking for an emotion and when they worship they want an ocean of emotion and they want a quiver in the liver and if I haven't been enraptured in a moment of worship then I haven't worshiped well that's wrong too and a lot of people are actually seeking an emotion not seeking God when they worship and it becomes an idol too so you can make your mind an idol and make doctrine and theology and intellectual an exercise of theology a God or you can make your emotion and your experience a God and both of those wrong does that make sense and so God gave you both the mind and emotion and they're both important to you now number four the Bible tells us that God gave us the Book of Psalms in order to understand our emotions and if you have a hard time with some emotions in your life you need to spend a lot of time in the book of psalms psalms has every emotion known to man in it the good ones and the bad ones the positive and the negative you read some of those Psalms you think why is this chapter in the Bible it's there to teach you about even those negative emotions because not all psalms are about praise and thanksgiving their Psalms of anger there are Psalms of of complaining their songs of lament and sorrow their Psalms of arguing with God every emotion known to man is in the Psalms and God is saying all of these are legitimate I gave these things to you so we're gonna look today at how to deal with how you feel now this week in your small group I'm going to teach you in the in the video portion of the Bible study I'm going to teach you how to heal damaged emotions and there are five things you need to do according to scripture on how to heal if you've been hurt deeply emotionally by somebody in your past you need to not miss this weak small group it's very very important but what I want to do this weekend is do two things talk to you about why the Bible says it's important to learn how to manage your emotions and that's a skill and you can get good at it most people are not good at managing their emotions they're not good at at all but you can and if you do you will have enormous advantages over the other people in your life if you know how to your motions to key to peace of mind its key to success and a lot of other things but we're going to teach you that and then I'm going to teach you the first initial steps on how to do it okay so quickly for important reasons why you need to learn to deal with what you feel number one because my feelings are often unreliable my feelings are often unreliable they can lead you in the wrong direction how many times have you thought I know this is the right thing to do I just feel it in my gut and you do it and it doesn't work out every one of us have done it your gut is often wrong your intuition is often flawed your emotions often lead you down a blind alley you can't depend on everything you feel now last week I said you don't have to believe everything you think and you don't have to accept everything you feel because not everything you feel is right not everything you feel is authentic and not everything you feel is reality some of the things you feel about yourself are flat-out dead wrong and some of the things you feel about other people are dead wrong you say I'm sure this is the right direction but it's it's not so you need to manage your emotions proverbs 14:12 says this there's a way that seems circle seems there's a way that seems right to a man but in the end it leads to death so your emotions are not infallible just because you feel it doesn't make it true our feelings are often wrong and they often guide us in the wrong direction number two I have to learn to manage my emotion because I don't want to be manipulated and if you don't control your emotions they will control you and you will be manipulated by your moods and if you're always guided by your feelings rather than by what's right by your commitments by the truth if you're always guided by feelings other people are going to take advantage of you they're going to they're going to take advantage of you in fact salesmen and advertisers are trained in how to stir up your emotions because they know that if they can get you hooked emotionally they're going to buy the product and so the color of the packaging and the music and the commercial and the things that they say in the presentation are all designed to elicit elicit emotional response and if you make decisions like what you buy based on emotion that's called impulse buying you're gonna buy stuff that you don't really need or want has anybody ever done this could I see your hands yeah yeah we all have you know we've although you only why in the world did I buy that because the guy got my emotions and all I need to buy that I really need that um the Bible says in proverbs 25 28 I love this a new American Bible like an open city with no defenses is the man with no check on his feelings if you have no check on your feelings you have no governor you have no moderator you have no manager on your feelings he says you're like a city with no defenses let me show you this verse in another translation here on the screen New Living Translation says this a person without self-control is as defenseless as a city with broken down walls not only are you defenseless against the manipulation of other people but you are defenseless to the manipulation by your old nature we talked about that last week and your old nature knows your moods and it just whips you around and it puts a mood in your life and all of a sudden you don't want to do what you need to do what's right to do what's help to do what's good to do because you are being manipulated by a mood worst of all Satan's favorite tool listen to this Satan's favorite tool in your life is negative emotions it's his favorite tool he will use fear to whip you around he will use resentment and jealousy and envy to whip you around he'll use bitterness and worry and anxiety he'll use shame to beat you up Satan's favorite tool is to whip you around with negative emotions if you don't know how to manage your emotions you are helpless against Satan you don't want to be manipulated so you want to learn the skill we're look at this weekend because he wrecks so much havoc in our lives emotionally first Peter 5:8 says this be self-controlled and alert be self-controlled and alert your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone devour if you don't have self-control he will eat your lunch that's what he's saying okay number three I need to manage my emotions because I want to please God I don't want to just know that my feelings are unreliable and I know that I don't want to be manipulated by other people or by my own nature by the devil but I also want to please God and God cannot be God in my life if emotions are God in my life God can't rule my life if my emotions rule my life Jesus can't be Lord of my life if my emotions are my Lord model if I make all my decisions simply based on how I feel then I've made my feelings God and then God can't be God the Bible says in Romans eight six to eight to be controlled by human nature results in death but to be controlled by the spirit results in life and peace and those who obey their old human nature cannot please God Circle that so you can't please God if your emotions dominate your life and they are running your life and your decisions are made based on how do I feel rather than what does God say finally number four the fourth reason I must manage my emotion is because I want to succeed in life this is one of the number one predictors of success or failure in your life do you know how to manage your moods do you know how to deal with how you feel do you know how to control your emotions if you don't learn how to do this you will never be the success in life that God wants you to be or that you want to be study after study after study has shown that your EQ is more important than your IQ that for success in business emotional quotient is far more Orton then your intelligence quotient your IQ isn't nearly a lot of people don't have a high IQ very successful in life but they've got good smarts in dealing with their emotions they've got good smarts and dealing with how they feel and as a result they're people people they know how to how to get along with others we've all known people who live by their emotions and waste their life they get more of what I feel like doing today well not much so they don't do it much and if you deal don't if you only deal with how you feel and you just go based on what you're feeling you're not going to succeed in life you're not going to make much of your life the Bible says in Proverbs 523 people get lost he's known about in life people get lost and they they die because of their foolishness and their lack of self-control how many people do you know who ruined the reputation because of their lack of self-control how many people do you know who ruined a job opportunity because of something that happened on a stupid one night party and foolishness and party and then all of a sudden boom there you know everything happened from a an unwanted pregnancy to all kinds of different things people get lost people die that's the opposite of living because of their foolishness and lack of self-control now when you give your heart to Jesus that includes your emotions so when you say I gave my heart to Jesus you gave your emotions to him to be managed by him because the heart is the seat of your emotions and Jesus wants to be a lord of how you feel not just what you think and what you do he wants to be Lord of your emotions in fact the Bible says this to believers first Peter 4 - from now on you must live the rest of your lives the rest of your earthly lives controlled by God's will not by human desires what are you min desires it's your motions it's your factions it's your the way you feel he says for the rest of you live now that you're a believer your life is to be controlled by God's will not by how you feel so then how do I do that this is what I want to spend most the time on this weekend how do I manage an unmanageable or an unwieldy or an unwanted feeling will you do three things and let's get right into it number one the first thing you got to do in dealing with them an emotion is you must name it you must name it what does that mean I've got to identify it I've got to be specific I've got to pinpoint exactly what it is you can't manage a vague feeling you can only change control manage something that you have identified and if you don't know what the problem is in your life then you certainly can't work on it now you are not as good in touch with your emotions at being in touch with your emotions as you think you are we all think we're very very much in touch with our motion no we're not really you may even be very emotional and still not in touch with your true emotions and why you feel the way you feel I got a friend who's a pastor and he and his wife were having a little bit of marriage problem they went to counseling which is a great thing and there's nothing wrong with that that's a good thing to do and he was going to counseling and he said the counselor one of the questions asked us oh so how in touch are you with your feelings how do you think you are and this this guy said well oh I think I'm very much in touch I'm oh I'm I'm what you call a sensitive guy a sensitive man and the counselor said well then great tell me some of the emotions that you felt this last week well a little bit dealing you know he couldn't name anything he said I couldn't come up and hey I was just drawing a blank finish I was asked what emotions did you feel this last week and he said finally I said I was tired I was hungry and the counselor immediately shot back those aren't emotions and they're not their drives they're not emotions okay and so you know he thought he was really in touch but but but he really wasn't now we laugh at that but I have to admit I'm often confused about my emotions I'm often confused about how I feel sometimes I can define it I couldn't tell you the number of times I've been sitting talking to my wife and Kay will say so what are you feeling right now and I go I don't know I don't know you know yeah I don't know what I'm I know I'm feeling something but I can't put a name on it I can't I can't identify it I can't name it any of you ever feel like this you know I'm talking about is go I know I'm feeling sounds line but I I don't know what I'm feeling yogi you know and and so if you can't name it you can't change it you got a you got a name it 'first sometimes I feel like David so I'm 55 to look here on the screen he says my thoughts are restless and I'm confused that's the way we are a lot of times about our our our feelings we're we're confused and so you want to ask a couple questions write these two questions down this is the first step to managing your emotions to becoming an emotionally strong man to becoming an emotionally strong woman ask these two questions first you ask what am I really feeling that's the first question what am I really feeling and what I mean by that is you need to scratch beneath the surface because what you're what you think you're feeling is often not the real feeling sometimes you think I'm see I'm feeling a little down today I'm feeling a little discouraged I've got the blues I'm a little depressed and you think that the problem is depression no that's not the problem you need to ask what's making me depressed and then you look a little bit deeper and it was I got criticized at work and I like that or I just got laid off or an expectation didn't happen the way I expected it to happen and you need to look and find the disappointment or find the worry sometimes it's fear sometimes it's repressed or put down or covered up anger their life so a lot of times what you think you're feeling isn't really it you say what am I really feeling here and if you'll stop and peel the onion a minute you go you know really my irritation isn't with you honey my irritation was what somebody said to me right before I left work and came home and now I'm taking it out on you you know I'm talking about it's that it's a transference there so you say what am I really feeling and then the other question you want to ask is what are my triggers what triggered this that's a good thing to say now if I were to ask you to name the emotion that gives you the most trouble in your life would you be able to meet oh I know what it is if you don't you're not as in touch with yourself as you think you are because you have certain emotions that trigger responses and you have threatened triggers that trigger emotions now if you can't talk about it listen it's already out of control like if you have a fear and you're afraid to talk about it guess what it's already out of control and it is actually in talking about it that you gain control and if you don't talk it out you're going to take it out on your body you've heard me say this before when you swallow your emotions your stomach keeps core emotions weren't meant to be swallowed they were meant to be shared they were meant to be shared so you ask yourself what's the trigger and and what triggered this is sometimes the trigger can be sight in other words I visited a particular place and I saw that and all sudden I feel very moody or very angry or it brings up something in the past sometimes a smell can trigger an emotion isn't that true you smell something it can make you feel warm and and comfortable or it can make you feel afraid and angry okay a trigger might be something you hear they that the sound of somebody's voice or certain noise touch and the way someone touches you could trigger an emotional response you need to know these things but you can't manage what you don't know taste you can taste certain things and it'll send you back the childhood and you and you have all kinds of experiences on that so you say what am I really what am I really feeling and what triggered this now write this down I can't tame it until I name it I can't tame it until I name it I can't solve a problem that I can't identify so as you start by naming the emotion that you're feeling the negative emotion that you're feeling the second thing you do that the Bible tells us to do is this challenge it challenge it you challenge what you're feeling you don't just automatically accept what you're feeling you don't know matically assume that it's accurate you don't automatically assume that what you feel is the truth correct or even reality you challenge it is what I'm feeling do I really are things really as bad as I feel they are probably not are things as really as good as I feel they are probably not so you need to ask yourself is you know some some questions you you challenge it now David who wrote many of the Psalms often asked God to challenge his emotions now that's pretty smart since God understands you better than you do God knows what you're feeling even when you don't know it and God knows what triggered it even when you don't know what triggered that emotion and so if you say God I don't know what I'm feeling and I don't know where it came from but I need your help that's a good thing to do David often asked God to evaluate his feelings and since God is impartial God can help you out look at this verse on the screen the Bible says in Psalm 26 2 Lord cross-examined me test my motives and my affections what are your affections they're your emotions test my motives and and my feelings what I feel what I might my affectations my my emotions so you asked God to help you evaluate but let me give you another one that's even more personal get a friend to help you and that is sometimes it's best to have a friend who can challenge what you're feeling now you got a pretty close friend to do that have you given anybody in your life the permission to challenge your feelings or does everybody just have to be a yes man or yes woman to you that if you feel a certain way there's no room for are you sure are you sure are you sure that's a correct understanding a true friend is somebody you give permission to say are you sure about that they get you give them the ability to challenge your emotion and say you know Rick I don't think you I don't think you're thinking correctly right now they what you're feeling is actually true Jobe had a friend like that his name was Ella faz and in job 15 verse 12 Elif as asked a job why is your heart carried you away why do your eyes flash now that's a poetic way of saying how come you've run off the deep end and why do you get so angry do you have anybody who can ask you that question and you wouldn't get mad at them that you you know they're doing it out of love you need partners in your life you need not only small group that's a good place to find them but you need a spiritual partner a lot just one person who you've given the right to challenge what you're feeling and saying you know what I don't think you're thinking correctly that's not right why are you why are you going off the deep end on this and why are you getting so angry about it give somebody that permission now let me give you three questions to ask about your own emotions when you're trying to figure out how to deal with how I feel okay so let's say you're going let's say you're angry or you're upset or you're irritate or you're frustrated or you're depressed or whatever you asked three straight questions number one what's the real reason the real reason that I'm feeling this and that goes back to what we were talking earlier you know maybe it's fear maybe it's worry maybe it's hooked into something that your dad said to you years and years and years ago and when your husband said it to you all of a sudden boy he gets all the wrath that you'd pent up against your dad or vice versa what's the real reason I'm feeling this second question ask yourself is it true it's what I'm feeling right now true there's a point where Elijah in the Bible gets so down discouraged depressed and he comes crying to God he's complaining says God I'm the only one in the entire nation of Israel left serving you and God chances are you kidding me I got all these people who still served me why you asking acting like that you're acting like you're the only one trying to do the right thing in the whole world no that's not true so what's the real reason I feel this way and in that case he was tired and is it true in that case it wasn't true then the third question this is really important is what I'm feeling helping me or hurting me sometimes this is the simplest thing to changing an emotion by simply saying is what I'm feeling right now going to help me get what I want to get or is it actually going to hinder me getting for what I get in other words will I get what I want by continuing to feel this way a lot of feelings that we have feel natural but they're actually they're actually self-defeating for instance let's say you go in and you sit down at a restaurant and the service is slow and I mean it's slow and you're waiting and you're waiting and you're way eating and waiting to be served and then a couple comes in like 15 minutes after you and sits down and then they get their meal before you do and you look at your wife you're gone are you seeing this you watching this here and you're starting to get a little irritated and all of a sudden you feel an emotion welling up inside of you now you go what's the real reason I'm feeling this I'm hungry okay I'm that okay is it true yeah it's true I'm frustrated because the service is slow here so that one is particularly true but then is it helping or is it hurting okay question do you get better service by getting angry at a waitress no absolutely not and so get it you know it feels good to get angry it's like how come this place wha bla bla bla bla bla you may feel better but you just got worse service you don't get it it's usually the exact opposite of what you want driving to services today I had I had the radio on and I was hearing one of the chief of police is chief police in Long Beach and he was saying he was teaching he said we teach our are cops in a crisis you lower your voice not raise it well naturally in a crisis you want to raise your voice and said no no what's that that's just going to escalate the problem escalate so you ask yourself is this emotion actually getting me where I want to go so let's say you want to change your husband or your kids or your wife or somebody who works with you does nagging work has it ever worked anywhere let me ask you is does nagging work on you when somebody comes and tells you all the things that you're doing wrong doesn't that just make you on a change no no all it does is make you defensive so you need to ask yourself I know I'm frustrated right now with this person in my life but is expressing my frustration to them going to actually make the change and and I'm going to get what I want out of this no it is not that's called managing your emotions you've got you've got to name it here's where's what I'm feeling and and here's the trigger and then you've got to challenge it what's the real reason I feel this way is it true is it helping me or is it hurting me and then the third thing you got to do is you got to tame it or change it you got to change it you've got you've got to make the change in the emotion that you want to make when you have that unwanted emotion now as I said last week we talked about managing your mind this week we're talking about managing your heart if you want to succeed in life you must learn how to master your moods and when you have a mood when you have an emotion that isn't getting you where you want to get you got two options you either change it or you channel it change it or channel it let me talk to you about both of these things some emotions are so destructive so damaging so hurtful so non effective the only attitude only thing you can do is just change it you got to change what you're feeling look at this verse on the screen Philippians 2:5 says this your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus so your attitude that includes your emotions what you're feeling should be the same as that G so you ask yourself how would Jesus feel in this situation would Jesus get irritated with this waitress no would Jesus be yelling at the person no would Jesus uh be giving up ringing fans and were that it isn't all going to work out no with Jesus be fearful no would Jesus be worried no so the bottom line on this one is I instantly dismiss any feeling that doesn't make me more like Jesus your attitude should be the same as Jesus so if I'm feeling an emotion I've identified it and I go what Jesus had this moment no then that's not the way I should be responding to my wife right now because Jesus wouldn't respond that way so I I instantly dismiss any feeling Jesus would not be prideful Jesus would not be envious Jesus would not be bitter Jesus would not be enraged I would instantly drop that attitude but sometimes you can even take a negative emotion that you're feeling and rather than change it you channel it you channel it what does that mean you use it for good for instance let's say you have been the victim of injustice you have experienced prejudice maybe racial profiling you have experienced unfairness in the classroom unfairness because you're a man or a woman or a different color from somebody else or whatever let's but you've had something unfair in your life and you naturally the emotions going to come up in you is anger that's a legitimate response is my anger going to get me what I want probably not but can my anger be used for good to help other people yes and all of a sudden you become a champion for justice because you know what it means to have experienced injustice that makes sense and so you take a negative emotion anger and when you when you use your anger for your benefit that's selfish anger that's a sin when you use your anger for the benefit of other people that's right sänger see anger is not a sin the Bible says in Scripture be angry and sin not it's what you do with that anger and it's the reason you're angry that makes it either sin or not you can get angry if somebody hurt my wife and kids I'd get angry I would because anger is sometimes in evidence of love if you never get angry about anything it means you're a pathetic it means you have no love in your life because if you love something or someone and somebody hurts them you're gonna get angry that's the natural thing love gets angry God gets angry the only reason you have the ability to get angers because God gets angry God gets angry at sin God gets angry to evil God gets angry when women are raped God gets angry when children are molested God gets angry when people are abused and misused and injustice and so you could take a negative emotion and you can use it in a positive way let me give you another example many of you have wanted to be married and it just didn't happen and your love has been blocked to date some of you have are married and you wanted to have children and it hasn't happened and your love has been blocked to date what do you do with a blocked love you pull yourself back into a prison lock the door pull up the drawbridge fill the moat with alligators and say I'm never gonna let anybody hurt me again no that's dumb what do you do what do you do with a blocked love Yuri channel it maybe you didn't get the love the person you wanted to love but the world is full of people who need your love maybe you didn't get to have the children you wanted to have but there's 137 million orphans in the world and their children on yeren Street who need your love Yuri channel a blocked love you use it for good you don't stew in your hurt you use it for good if you don't change the emotion you channel the emotion and you use it for good ten months ago when Matthew died I entered into the most deep possible grief you could imagine I'm still not out of it and I cry every day for the death of my son and the loss of his life but I decided from the first moment that I was going to channel that grief for good and that I would use my pain to help other people and Kay did too and we have been doing it's one of the reasons why we're doing the conference on mental illness because I'm not about to waste to hurt I'm not about to waste any pain that I go through if I'm gonna have it I'm gonna use it for good what pain in your life are you using for good maybe you have been in so much pain you didn't even want to talk about then you need to learn to manage your emotions you need to name it you need to challenge it and then you need to channel it if you're not going to change it and use it for good and God can use it in your life your greatest ministry could come out of your deepest pain your greatest ministry will not come out of your strength and successes you do your strength Scott says people just go well goody for you you're good at it but if it comes out of your pain then it can help others so you change it or you channel it now what about those ones that need changing how do you tame a wild emotion you got you say I am a worrier and I cannot stop worrying and I can't stop that emot-- I just worry worry where we were I am a perfectionist and I can't stop it I just criticize and judge and pick and nag and I am lazy and I just tend to belie all these emotions in my mind fear I'm a fearful person anger I mean naturally angry person on I lose my temper either blow up or I clam up and they're different kinds of you know there's the there's Mount Vesuvius and there's the mute and there's the martyr pour me there's lots of ways but you it's a problem in your life how do you tame a wild emotion well not by willpower not my willpower the Bible says this is Zechariah 4:6 you will not succeed by your own strength or power but by my spirit says the Lord Almighty Zechariah 4:6 you don't change an emotion by willpower I'm going to force this change emotion is it doesn't work that way he says it's not by power it's not by might it's by my spirit says the Lord how does that happen how do you let the Holy Spirit change an emotion that's hurting you and hurting other people in your life let me give you two final suggestions to starter suggestions number one every day ask God to fill me with his spirit every single day I don't get out of bed my feet don't touch the ground without me saying Holy Spirit fill me today I need your spirit in my life because it's not by might nor my power not will power but by my spirit I'm going to be able to manage my moods and my emotions today galatians 5:22 and 23 says this when the holy spirit controls our lives he will produce this kind of fruit in us love joy peace we could stop right there I'll just take those three my life be a whole lot better if my life is just filled with love joy and peace wouldn't yours but there's nine of them here nine fruit of the Spirit love joy and peace patience anybody need that one kindness you were kind when the Holy Spirit fills your life when you're unkind there's no way the Holy Spirit is filling your life Holy Spirit does not motivate unkindness goodness faithfulness gentleness or gentle when you're filled with the Holy Spirit you're gentle with kids you're gentle with your spouse you're gentle with your customers and notice the last one number nine is what self-control Circle that self-control comes from God control self-control comes from God control the more I let God control my mind and emotions the more self-control I have I don't become a religious nut I become more self controlled a lot of people think if I let the Holy Spirit fill my life they're gonna turn me into some nut religious fanatic no if you let the Holy Spirit fill your life you get more self-control than you've ever had in your life that's a good thing now it says when the Holy Spirit controls our life he fills you with this when you're filled with love joy peace patience gentleness goodness faithfulness meekness self-control that's a whole lot better than being filled with anger worry feared guilt shame and worry and all these other things so what about it when you're put under pressure at work at home or anywhere else do you know what comes out of you whatever is inside you and if you're filled with worry fear doubt loneliness envy jealousy bitterness gossip when the world puts on pressure you know what's going to come out worry fear doubt anger ego and all those things but when you're filled with the spirit and the world puts pressure on you know what's going to come out love joy peace patience if I take a bottle of shampoo and I squeeze that bottle what comes out shampoo if I take a tube of toothpaste and I squeeze it what come out toothpaste peanut butter to have them come out toothpaste comes out why because what Evers in it comes out when it's under pressure that's two of your life whatever is in you comes out when you're under pressure and the more pressure you get if you you see when I'm full of myself almost anything can pick me off when I'm full of God nothing can tick me off I'm filled with love and joy and peace doesn't matter what happens I can handle it this is nothing I can just handle anything so whatever's inside of you is going to come out so the first key to management of emotions is to be filled with the spirit so that you're full of love and joy it's like if you got a cup of coffee and you shake it whatever's gonna come out is what's in it be filled with the spirit and that's what's gonna come out in your emotions number two the other thing to do not only everyday ask God to fill me the spirit but everyday ask God to help me manage my mouth you knew I was gonna get to this one every day I asked God to help me manage my mouthing I get the more said Lord put a guard on my mouth just zip it up don't let me say stuff the Bible says in the multitude of words there is sin proverbs 13 3 says this self-control means controlling the tongue now this is what the whole chapter in the book of James is about it there's a whole chapter in the book of James on the power of your words in your tongue and it says you know a giant horse you could have a rider on the horse that weighs 1/4 the way to the horse and yet it's controlling the horse why because there's a bit in the horse's mouth and when wherever the mouth goes the horse is going seems true with you the Bible says that your tongue is like the rudder on a big ship little tiny rudder can direct the big ship in any direction and the tongue is the rudder of your life what you say is where you're going to go and you're not going to experience what God wants you to have until you say what God wants you to say so you say lord help me to manage my mouths now here's the last key write this down make God's word my word make God's word my word in other words begin to put the words of the Bible into your mind memorize some verses write them down on little cards and memorize them right underlying verses in your Bible read the Bible every day listen to the Bible subscribe to drive time devotions get the Word of God and you every day feed yourself on the word of God because then when his word becomes your word you're gonna see miracles take place in your life psalm 119:11 says this i have hidden your word in my heart what's your heart that's where your emotions are i've hidden your word in my heart that i might not sin against you Psalm 19:14 may the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight O Lord notice the connection between your heart and your mouth what's inside your heart is going to come out of your mouth jesus said it's not what goes in you that makes you unclean it's what comes out of you that makes you unclean and my heart is revealed in my words so some of you what you need to say is God I need a heart transplant I've had a bitter heart I've had a worried heart I've had an angry heart I've had a lonely heart I've had a prideful heart I've had an arrogant heart God I've had a jealous heart I've had an envious heart I've had an impatient heart God I need a heart transplant and when you say that to God and you say fill me with your spirit he'll put a new heart inside of you and when you get a new heart you get new words and your words direct your life let's bow for prayer father I I thank you that you are an emotional God I thank you that you gave us the ability to feel that were not robots that we're not unfeeling uncaring that we can experience both highs and lows in life help us to avoid the extremes of emotionalism that all that matters is how I feel and stoicism of feeling that things aren't important feelings aren't important at all thank you for the book of psalms that show us that every emotion actually is understood by you and that you can give us the power to change it or to channel it now you pray say Lord I know that my feelings are often unreliable and I don't want to build my life on feelings I want to build my life on your truth I don't want to be manipulated by other people or by Satan or I don't want to be manipulated even by my own old nature but I want to be self-controlled and alert more than that Lord I want to please you and I want to do the things that please you and I want you to be the Lord of my emotion emotions and I want to succeed in life by being controlled by your will not by my feelings so help me to practice what I've just learned this week when I start to get upset or when I feel overwhelmed by a very strong emotion help me to name it help me to figure out what am I really feeling and what's the trigger what triggered me and why am I feeling this way you've said in your word that wisdom gives a man patience help me to understand my emotions where they came from and then lord help me to challenge my emotions to not automatic accept them as the gospel truth but but to ask is it true and is it helpful and is holding on to this emotion going to get me the result I need want me to realize the real reason that I feel what I'm feeling and to challenge my emotions and not just automatically accept them and then help me to change your channel what needs to be changed and channel what could be used for good dear God beginning right now I'm asking you to fill me with your Holy Spirit I want my life to be filled with love not hate with peace not chaos with joy not sorrow and with patients not impatience Lord I want to be kind fill me with goodness fill me with faith fill me with gentleness fill me with self-control help me to develop the habit of asking you to fill me moment by moment and then Lord most of all I ask you to help me to manage my mouth may I learn to put your words in my mouth and to speak the word of truth in your name I pray amen

Channel: Saddleback Church

Views: 365,086

Rating: 4.7696738 out of 5

Keywords: Rick Warren (Author), Emotions, Emotional Health, Manage Your Emotions, Saddleback, Saddleback Church, Transformed, Transformed Life, 50 Days of Transformation, SaddlebackChurch, How To Deal With How You Feel, Pastor Rick Warren, PastorRickWarren, Lake Forest, Orange County, Feelings, Faith, Love, Emotion, Transformation

Id: 5uMEGpkZJyw

Length: 58min 59sec (3539 seconds)

Published: Tue Feb 25 2014