Top 10 Ways to Make Your Husband Happy | Paul Friedman

hi my name is paul friedman i founded the marriage foundation and today's topic is great and you know that at the marriage foundation we do things very differently we're not like the mainstream we don't look into the past and dig things up and try to solve things that are basically unsolvable our whole emphasis is on what you can do now to improve your marriage to make it so much better to make it perfect and there are perfect marriages so the topic for today are the top 10 ways to make your husband happy and i'm saving the best for last not just to keep you here but because i think it's so important and i want to talk about it for a while so let's get right into this number one and don't be afraid of this but eliminate your anger you know we have articles on this topic as well and i got a comment on one of our articles about anger from someone who was a therapist who was so angry that the ironic right that i would suggest that anger is not a good thing can you imagine who thinks that anger is good and this therapist said anger's a good thing you need anger obviously he was a man right but men don't need anger either there's a lot of things that are natural that are not good anger is probably the top one anger is instinctive it comes from our primal selves you know we're souls we have a body and we have a mind this is not a religious discussion but we're souls we're so far above our bodies and because of our bodies impacting our psychology we behave sometimes like animals anger is an instinctive reaction it's based in fear nothing else it's based in fear and it's a subconscious calculation that there's something to be afraid of so it's obscure we don't know why we get angry but we do know this you have free will free will trumps everything because with free will you could choose your very next action be it a thought be it something you say be it a look who wants to be assaulted by someone's anger you have no doubt shown your anger to your husband no doubt we're all guilty of having done that so you cannot just say okay i'm not going to be angry anymore yet you can say i am going to work on no longer having anger within me and my first step will be that i will no longer express anger to my husband my husband expects me to love him my husband expects me to be there for him to give him good tidings not evil tidings so eliminate anger get rid of it now obviously it's going to be difficult if you just try to do that but we can help you with that eliminate anger that will make your husband trust me that'll make your husband really happy because he probably does not have the tools necessary to deal with it there are tools you should have the tools necessary to deal with his anger you can't get him to stop he can't get you to stop but you can get you to stop eliminate the anger it'll make him very happy and that's number one and that's why it's number one because it eclipses all the good stuff so let's go to number two number two is interesting listen beyond his words we don't do this for some reason i don't know why we don't once you discover this not only will it make him happy it will make you happy too because you'll realize that there's no nefarious intent on his part when he says something to you usually because he loves you he wants to make you happy so when he speaks about something listen but don't just listen to the words try and understand what is behind those words is he feeling something that you can step in and give him some positive upliftment around don't try to fix anything by the way don't give advice that's not something that is useful but be there for him by being a good listener just like you want most people think oh yeah just listen to her when we're talking about men it isn't enough is it you know that you want someone to listen with their heart to empathize to be there not just for you but with you same as him so that's number two number two is to listen beyond the words number three and this is something that you should know already but you forgot smile at him smile at him all the time never and don't do the opposite you know life is filled with equations we should and therefore we shouldn't smile at him therefore we shouldn't frown at him you should always smile you should never frown you should always smile you should never never grimace you should always smile you should never roll your eyes you should always smile because who doesn't appreciate that it's going to make him happy to see you smile what is the most contagious thing of all is happiness when you're happy people around you are happy don't you want your husband to be happy this will make him happy now don't be insincere don't be that cheshire cat smiling no make yourself happy make give yourself reason to smile i call these workarounds and when people come to us to fix their marriage oftentimes they use the course for women or if it's a man the course for men and one of the points that i stress is don't be insincere but don't allow negativity to take root in your own mind you have power over your mind you get to control your mind we have techniques for that control your mind it's doable it's possible you know the big thing nowadays that the psychologists talk about is embracing your emotions nonsense don't embrace your emotions they say that because they don't understand they misapply emotions and have it mean the same as the higher state of feeling but that higher state of feeling is the feeling of love in the heart that's legitimate feeling and it's not an emotion now you could call it an emotion if you want but technically an emotion is a software device in your mind that carries things further on so you don't forget them don't embrace these things so you want to smile all the time but you want to smile because inwardly you're feeling loving loved your feeling happy joy-filled you know there's two promises of marriage one is that you'll be happy ever-increasing happiness and the other is that you will feel ever expanding love with the free will that you have and the wisdom that is innate to you you can have those things and you convey those over to your husband it'll make him happy of course it'll make him happy when you walk into a room and you're upset you're like a psychological skunk you're stinking up the whole room with these bad vibes well the opposite is true and you walk in and you're filled with happiness and joy it rubs off and think about it you know i wrote a book called breaking the cycle and it really talks about the cycle of i got mad at him he got mad at me down down down you go into a pit you could reverse that smile sincerely but smile okay so that's number three number four is to express your love with physical affection there's all this nonsense going on these days about how you don't want to be a doormat you don't want to submit to his sexual desires that's all crazy stuff the problem is that in hollywood they and i worked with a lot of hollywood couples way back they would drive down to san diego to see me knows 20 years ago but screenwriters actors people you know i worked with them they're not the people who are divorced and this was a very important point because in hollywood they've turned sex into what i call recreational sex but in marriage sex is not to be recreational occasionally why not but mostly it's used as a conveyance of your love that's what it's supposed to be it's there it's a primal thing right it's instinctive it's within us to procreate it's part of our drive to survive is we're supposed to procreate so we have this drive telling us have sex have sex have sex but as souls who are in charge of our minds we're not supposed to give in to those cravings at the lowest level but we use that and meld it with our desire for the joy of the heart of the love of the communal love that you have with your husband it's a very spiritual beautiful thing employ it don't be afraid of sex turn it into your best friend in your marriage and i don't mean by using it to manipulate him of course not but use sex to convey your love you'll knock his socks off he'll be so happy and so will you his happiness will make you happy your happiness will make him happy okay so that is number four express your love with physical affection don't be afraid of it don't buy into the nonsense and the mainstream that makes you afraid of it go for it okay number five this is a tough one but never react the problem is is that no one has trained us or taught us about the nature of being able to control our inner reactions and convert them and so what tends to happen is and and here's how i'm going to tell you exactly how it works so picture this you're walking down the street this is a a metaphorical an analogous example so you're walking down the street and your eyes see something and what happens is don't forget everything is energy everything so what happens is your sight is putting out energy to capture things and it's driven by the drive to survive and then it sees something and it comes in and what happens when it comes in you don't consciously calculate whether it's something to admire love or fear do you however what has happened has been that your mind has created filters based on past experiences of seeing something similar so it's able to react well when you're with your husband never allow those filters to rule you stop don't let your mouth open analyze what you're experiencing with him so instead of reacting you are responding and that way you know it's a rule always respond in a loving way to everything and anything even if he's mean you could still be loving he doesn't control you you control you you have free will only you are responsible for your behavior he's not you can blame him if you want to what's that going to get you it's not going to be helpful it's not going to be useful it's not going to bring joy into your marriage that's for sure so no more reactions and if you have a positive reaction if the filter presents a positive reaction still stop and make your response stepped up even more positive because you're in charge of you makes you in charge of your marriage because there's only two of you running your marriage and if one of you does something proactively it moves the marriage either forward or backward makes sense doesn't it everything at the marriage foundation is logical i say that it's mathematical scientific and methodical because your marriage is a thing that you want to get the benefits of happiness and joy from love okay so never react is number five number six is praise and support proactively praise and support look for opportunities do it with love again going back to the sincerity make sure it's sincere make sure it's real but there's tons of things that you will find you know when i used to work with people in my office before we had the courses before we had the marriage foundation i'm talking about 20 years ago and i'm not talking about before then when i was a divorce mediator but i kept my divorce mediation tools when i worked with people and i had a great big whiteboard 4x8 and i proved to people very simple illustration i took my white board and i put six dots on it black dots and i said what do you see everyone said i see six black dots what do you see i see six black dots and i say think about that here you have a white board it's just white as can be covers the wall and you see six black dots and this is what we do we don't see the beautiful purity of our soulmate soul we see the six black dots praise and support don't see the black dots see the white see the positive and praise and support okay number seven never blame him it doesn't do any good taking this out of your relationship this blame oh look what you did this time oh my god you left the dogs out oh my god even if he did it doesn't matter it's not going to do good it's going to do harm doing harm is the opposite of making him happy so eliminate blame along with it eliminate criticism [Music] condemnation complaining okay number eight that's pretty self-evident isn't it come on number eight be calm we live in a world where everyone is like this they're just hyper you know it's it's funny and the truth is i have been meditating since 1972 so i am calm calmness is something you could achieve in many ways that's my way but there's other ways breathing exercises tense your body hold it okay now do it with me all right here we go exhale now inhale and as you inhale tense your body vibrate it tense so much hold it count of six feel how relaxed your body is there are so many ways to bring calmness into your personal life when you're calm he's calm you will stand out by being calm in this world people come up to me at starbucks do i know you i said no wow there's something about you i'm not a great man i'm just a calm man be a calm woman that will make your husband happy he'll want to be with you he'll want to hang out with you but if you're excited and running and da da da da it's hard to keep up with that so be calm okay number nine this is so basic how come you don't know this you should be writing to me say i knew that be proud of him are you kidding me right now he is the man you chose to be with for the rest of your life to love and nurture and appreciate be proud of him go back to those dots forget those freaking dots on the whiteboard see him for who he is and be proud of him it's uplifting for a man because a man is by his gender psychophysiologically designed to be the protector of the wife and children it's steep i don't mean deep wow that's deep i mean it's deep in our subconscious minds when you're proud of him you're acknowledging him for his usefulness that's very important to a man okay number 10 and i told you i was saving the best for last it's also perhaps the most difficult but i hope not and if it is i want you to work on it push the boundaries of love now love has no boundaries but your mind imposes them upon you this is the big deviation between the teachings that i present and the teachings of the western psychological world they don't believe that love is its own thing they think it's an increased like it isn't it's real it's tangible you've experienced it it overwhelms us it overwhelms the mind and the mind wants to contain it wants to give it context wants to come up with reasons and you shouldn't you should fall in to your love why do you think they call it falling in love it's because love is eternal it has no boundaries there are many who say that god is love and love is god this is not some cute poetic thing you cannot define love not the real thing so you have to push the boundaries by pushing the boundaries of your mind and how do you do that you don't accept limitations and when your mind comes up with a reason why you love him push it out of the way and go know it's so much more no it's much more than that no it's more than that and uplift yourself into the spirit of love love is spiritual and then let it flow on him i tell people this i say visualize because it always helps to visualize your love is liquid and that your heart is a reservoir of this love it's not its origin the origin isn't you the origin and again i'm not religious god is the origin of love right imagine that he's flowing his love into you and you block it with your heart i'm only going to give so much love no i don't love him look what he's done to me i don't love her look what she did open it up because when you open up that liquid love to flow open up the doors of your heart let it flow and it will come in and you will feel that love you're not going to feel love from another person your mind will tell you oh this person likes you this person can be trusted this person has this but love is above all of that allow your love to dominate your marriage it's what your marriage is all about look i've presented some things that should be common sense but the world is a messed up place we have to learn what i'm now teaching because it's not out there we have to even learn to control our minds because we weren't taught that as we were children which is when we should have begun but you've come to this now you're here now there's a reason for that isn't there take advantage of it all my love to you and to your husband and your family your friends your community your city your country and the world god bless you thank you for spending time with me take care

Channel: The Marriage Foundation

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Keywords: top 10 ways to make your husband happy, 10 ways to make husband happy, 10 ways to make my husband happy, 10 things to do to make your husband happy, 10 things to make your husband happy, 10 tips to make your husband happy, how to.make your husband happy, what are the ways to make your husband happy, things that can make your husband happy, what to do to make your husband happy, how to make my husband happy, how do you make your husband happy, paul friedman, The marriage foundation

Id: kCq9FqBrJSs

Length: 25min 18sec (1518 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 05 2021