♪♪ 12B threw up during takeoff. Ugh. You always know. I can spot the weak ones. All right, folks, we're going
to do one last lap to collect trash, but please get into your seats
with seat belts buckled to prepare for landing. [ding] Man:<i> Uh, ladies and
gentlemen,</i> <i> this is your captain speaking.</i> <i> We're beginning
our descent now,</i> <i> uh, estimated time of arrival
in Sea-Tac Airport</i> <i> is 7:30 AM, local time.</i> Man 2:<i> Uh, what
are you doing, John?</i> John:<i> Oh, just making sure
the intercom is off.</i> <i> Sometimes that button sticks,
but I think I got it.</i> <i> Man 2: So how's your ex-wife?</i> John:<i> [chuckles]
Same old hag as always.</i> <i> She's just the worst, Roberts.</i> Roberts:<i> Real piece of work.</i> John:<i> I just--
can I be honest?</i> <i>I wish she'd get electrocuted.</i> <i> I'm not even going to lie.</i> What's going on-- ah! John:<i> Some weird-looking people
on this flight today, right?</i> Roberts:<i> Right?</i> <i> I was really watching
and I thought</i> <i> they were all uggos,
to be honest.</i> John:<i> Wow, I had
the same thought.</i> <i> That dude with the dog shirt,
I mean,</i> <i> was his face even a face?</i> <i> [both laugh]</i> <i> [knocking]</i> Captain Hansen,
Copilot Roberts? Roberts:<i> Ugh, what
does Cheryl want now?</i> John:<i> I locked the door
so we wouldn't have to see</i> <i> that dumb look on her face
whenever she's like,</i> <i> [southern drawl]
"Captain Hansen?</i> <i> "Eh-eh-eh!</i> <i> Copilot Roberts?"</i> Roberts:<i> We're busy, Cheryl!</i> John:<i> Whoo.</i> <i> My painkillers are
starting to kick in.</i> <i> I'm on a pretty hefty amount
of Percocet</i> <i> from my knee surgery.</i> Roberts:<i> Um, sir, you're not
even supposed to drive</i> <i> when you're on painkillers.</i> John:<i> Oh, really?</i> <i> Well, I feel fine,
other than the blurry vision.</i> <i> Look out, there's a bar!</i> <i> Oh, no, sorry, Roberts,
that was just my hand</i> <i> in front of my face.</i> <i> [laughs]</i> <i> Well, shoot.</i> <i> Guess I've always got you to
land the plane for me, though!</i> <i> [laughing]</i> Roberts:<i> Well, uh,
hopefully not!</i> <i> I've never actually
landed a plane before.</i> <i> My instructor died
before we got to that part</i> <i> because I crashed the plane.</i> John:<i> Whoa!</i> <i> You're an animal, Roberts!</i> Roberts:<i> What can I say?</i> <i> Oh, John, are you okay?</i> <i> I think we're tilting.</i> John:<i> No, it's just
my muscle relaxant.</i> <i> I feel so relaxed right now.</i> Captain Hansen? John:<i> LEAVE US BE, CHERYL!</i> <i> BOYS WILL BE BOYS!</i> Roberts:<i> John,
I was serious</i> <i> when I said I couldn't
land this plane,</i> <i> and I don't think
you're supposed</i> <i> to lean on the
control board like that.</i> John:<i> But it's warming
my belly fat, Roberts!</i> Roberts:<i> Okay.</i> <i> Your drool is shorting out
the circuits, sir.</i> [beeping] <i> Why would you need to
take off your belt right now?</i> John:<i> I can't sleep with
my pants on, Roberts.</i> <i> It's very uncomfortable.</i> <i> AH, WE'RE CRASHING!</i> Roberts:<i> John, John!</i> <i> We're nowhere near
the ground yet.</i> John:<i> NO, THAT IS DEFINITELY
THE GROUND!</i> <i> Oh, wait, no, you're right.</i> <i> That's just a cloud.</i> <i> WAIT, NO, IT'S THE GROUND!</i> <i> Oh, no, you're right.</i> <i> Hey, hey, Roberts.</i> <i> I never told you this,
but, uh,</i> <i> I'm proud to call you
my daughter.</i> Roberts:<i> Sir, please take
your hand off my face.</i> [screams] Roberts:<i> Sir?</i> <i> John?</i> <i> John, oh my goodness,
John, are you dead?</i> <i> Oh, he's dead!</i> <i> We're going down!</i> Hey, aren't you a pilot? [indistinct mumbling] Roberts:<i> OH, MAN,
WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!</i> <i> I CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN THE SKY AND THE SEA!</i> [all screaming] [ding] <i> Hey, folks, we are
just experiencing</i> <i> some slight turbulence,</i> <i> but we should be free
and clear in a moment.</i> <i> MAY HEAVEN GRANT ME SERENITY!</i> <i> MAY I GO PEACEFULLY
AND THE PASSENGERS DIE</i> <i> IN WHATEVER WAY ALLOWS ME
TO DIE PEACEFULLY!</i> [grunting] Roberts:<i> CHERYL!</i> <i> YOU'RE SO ANNOYING,
BUT I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.</i> <i> CAPTAIN IS DEAD.</i> Cheryl:<i> He's just passed out,
Roberts!</i> <i> Get out of the way!</i> <i> I'm landing this thing!</i> [intense music] [wailing] [intense music continues] [wailing] [music stops] Roberts:<i> Cheryl,
you saved us!</i> [slap] <i> Ah!</i> <i> My face!</i> This is why we're not
together anymore, John. [applause] Like, comment, share. Like, comment, share. Like, comment, share. Like, comment, share. Like, comment, share. Like, comment, share. Like, comment, share. Like, comment, share. Like, comment, share. Like, comment, share. Which is German, actually,
for "sad, small raccoon."
