These 5 SECRETS Destroy Laziness IN SECONDS! | Lewis Howes & Jordan Peterson

it got me through the hardest training starting out broken when most people quit i just started if we are consistently moving towards our edge and then getting there we are growing you know because guess what we're doing at that point it shouldn't be so much that you're crippled by it and unable to take action you shouldn't be beating yourself into the ground because you're not everything you could be because no one is and if you beat yourself into the ground then you can't get up and improve it's time to stop being lazy and start learning the discipline necessary to achieving the life you've always wanted that's why in this video i've brought together some of the top navy seals and other massively successful people to help you never be lazy again make sure to subscribe to this channel drop a like and leave a comment with your biggest takeaway below [Music] what do you think of the skills that people should start to develop in their 20s in general to make them better human beings more potentially open to success financially relationship health-wise what are two or three things that everyone should focus on in their twenties well it certainly doesn't hurt to be in physical good physical condition so we can walk through it stop drinking too much how do you know if you're drinking too much um you regret what you do when you're drinking it's it's interfering with other important goals it's it's causing you financial distress it's getting you in trouble with your friends or your family it's getting you in trouble with the police okay so stop abusing substances if you can right if you see that they're um hurting you um an alcohol is particularly pernicious in that regard so physical health are you in decent shape are you strong and coordinated and if you're not well you'd be better if you were you'd feel better you'd be more effective you'd live longer you'd be less sick and you really see that mount up like if someone's been in shape once in their life they age way better and it's also a really good way of maintaining your cognitive ability like you know you you hear about those exercises that you can do online to make you smarter and keep your cognitive ability intact those don't work there's no evidence that they work people keep saying that they make you smarter they maintain your cognitive function psychologists have studied that for 50 years hoping that one of those things will work trying all sorts of creative tax they don't work exercise works cardiovascular and weightlifting you start to decline in your fluid intelligence at about the age of 25 and it's a linear trend downhill and it can accelerate as you get older it's just like this quite ugly if you exercise you stave that off so that's really useful um maintain your relationships and and foster them they're un so when i look at successful people they're really good at something they're reliable right you can count on their word they're generous and they have a wide wide connection network which becomes more and more valuable as you get older yeah so it's one advantage that older people really have over younger people they have a connection network and a connection network is huge well you could be connected to a thousand well-connected people okay that means you are connected to the entire world right it's unbelievably valuable and that's one of the things that's so absolutely remarkable about the situation that i'm in right now as far as one of the great benefits is i can access i can contact pretty much anybody and they'll talk to me it's like really right that's so cool i'm i'm i'm interested in infrastructure for reasons i won't get into but i'm interested in infrastructure development i think it's a good method of wealth transfer it's a good solution to the problem of inequality and employment um i reached out to a leading expert a leading expert on infrastructure last week see if he'd talk to me i thought i don't know anything about infrastructure except that it's worn to a frazzle and we should do something about it you know he agreed to talk and having a connection network is of an inestimable inestimable value that's huge um reliability generosity you can work on both of those philosophical sophistication it's very useful um because it orients you properly you have a sophisticated sense of of the world you find for example that um doing things for other people is actually more rewarding than virtually anything else you can do you know when you hear you should be of service to other people well if you actually watch yourself you pay attention to yourself and you do something that helps someone else and it genuinely helps them i defy you to find another experience that is that satisfying it's actually quite stunning how satisfying that is and so that's a very useful thing to realize and why why is helping another person the most satisfying thing for probably most people when they're if they're you know out of their ego of like i want to buy more things to make me happy in this moment why is that such a satisfying thing for human beings uh there's no better strategy for there's no better life strategy i mean imagine i could give you a quick sort of technical example so imagine i take two people and i say okay um i'm gonna give you a hundred dollars and you have to give some of it to the person right beside you and they can either agree or disagree with the split but if they disagree you don't get anything okay so a classical economist would say that the person should take the hundred offer the person next to them a dollar and the person should accept it because why not they get a dollar instead of nothing and that's the solution but what happens is that if you don't offer that other person something close to 50 50 they're likely to tell you to go to hell yes very and they think it's nothing you get nothing too you think well why would people do that because they just reject 50 and who cares and the answer is well we don't just play one game with other people we play a repeating game and so so imagine we did this so imagine it's a crowd and they're all watching you and i offer you a hundred dollars and you have to share it with the person next to you and you say would you like to take seventy dollars and the person says well i'm not sure that's fair to you but if it's okay yes but then everyone else sees that and now they all have an opportunity to pick who they're going to play with next well you're not going to get pissed picked last are you remember what you told me you didn't want to get picked last right okay so what you did was you turned yourself into an athlete a machine okay okay great so but imagine we expand that game yes and we say you want to be the person that everyone wants to play with yep well then all you have in your whole life is invitations to play well how how and how are you going to be that person be productive straightforward generous make everyone else better around you and they're going to want to play with you absolutely so there you go and then you get to play yeah exactly well how is that not the best possible deal it's clearly see so so the re if if the ethical argument is put properly it is by far the most compelling argument it's like if you want to have everything you could possibly want and more then be a good person the better a person you are the more likely that is to happen that doesn't mean you that you're completely protected against getting cut off at the knees but there's no better strategy that's it and you can even think about it selfishly and i talk about this to some degree and beyond order let's say you let's say that i you want to be selfish you think that's the best possible strategy why should i care about others okay let's say you should only act in your own best interest well then it's like well what's your best interest well what does interest mean and what does you mean what's in your best interest your best interest three mysteries what's your what's best what's interest okay well there's you but you aren't just you right now you're you and you tomorrow and you next week and you next month and you in five years and you in 10 years and you when you're a pensioner you're a community of selves stretched across time and so if you were enlightened and selfish you would act in a manner that would benefit that entire community across time and i don't think that's any different than acting on the best possible part for other people i think they're the same problem so i think as soon as human beings discovered the future we we know we were no longer singular individuals were instantly each a community and then the community ethic prevails and the community ethic is i want to win in a way that makes you win that's the best possible victory wins then what's the point well you think it's a zero-sum game it's either you or me or maybe i want the comparative status but i would say even if you want the comparative status let's say you just you're motivated by that what what would confer upon you even hypothetically more status than to be the most popular person while being chosen for games i mean you think about the just think for a second about right because it struck me that biographical uh piece alfred adler who was the psychologist that i talked to you about earlier he said one of his claims was that many people have a like a stark memory that sets the course for their life that's true moments and you have exactly that and you so adlerian psychology would be of great interest to you i suspect but but partly you see what happened was you had a true revelation you thought i if i'm being picked last something is wrong and that's absolutely right it's it's unbelievably right and you played it out first in the athletic domain but yes you have to start somewhere right so that's a good place to start jockle was telling me when we talked this week he's this tough character man you know and he could have and i'm not telling tails out of school here he could have been a criminal no problem and he knows that perfectly well and i'm not saying i'm not saying that as a slur on his character partly because i believe the nietzschean dictum that a lot of morality is just cowardice whatever he might be he's not a coward right and so and just because you obey the laws doesn't mean you're moral just might mean you're afraid in any case so the question is well what socialized this brute well he was taught in the navy seals take care of your team that's your fundamental purpose and he noted and we had a long discussion about this the successful guys man they've you know they've got your back wow right they you know that above all yeah and if and if if if you aspire to a leadership position among those brutes let's say and you aren't someone they know to have your back they're not following you're not going to make it yeah you're not going to make it what is the what are the keys to building confidence when you feel insecure afraid or or scared of being embarrassed whether it be dating someone or a career or anything what's the keys to building confidence so that you're attracting what you want look you i read some of your biographical history before we talk today and you tell a story about being picked last and then you compensated for that yes now there alfred adler by the way this psychoanalyst associate of freud built his whole theory around compensation of that sort inferiority complex plus compensation but it's adaptive right like you got picked last it embarrassed the hell out of you yep so what did you do you decided that is not going to be me right never again okay now you did say you know that you adopted a maybe two what inflexible model of what it meant to be masculine as a consequence but when i read that i thought yeah but still you fair enough it wasn't the the new you that you adopted wasn't optimal in all possible manners but it was definitely improvement over the previous year exactly i wasn't picked last again that's for sure right well exactly okay so so so the first thing i would say is that if you feel insecure and less and ashamed and all of that that you have to take stock and look i have an exercise online at selfauthoring.com it's there's three exercises there one helps you write about the past one about the present and one about the future the present authoring program helps you assess your faults and your virtues okay well if you have some faults and you feel insecure and inferior because of that well you should now it shouldn't be so much that you're crippled by it and unable to take action you shouldn't be beating yourself into the ground because you're not everything you could be because no one is and if you beat yourself into the ground then you can't get up and improve but you you you have to differentiate it's like okay to what degree am i being hard on myself counterproductively critical hearing the voice of my too harsh and angry father in my head right um adopting inappropriate stereotypical representations of masculine competence how much of my self-criticism is ill-advised fair enough and you want to deal with yourself with a certain amount of care but then along with that there's the well fix your weaknesses you know if you're ashamed of being ignorant you're showing up at a party because you know you claim to knowledge that you don't have and someone exposes you well you can be angry at them and you probably will but they've actually done you a favor they've pointed out an inadequacy is a pathway that you can travel down right a recognized inadequacy is as soon it's such a gift in some sense if if it's accurate i'm in it because you think well what should i do what should i do with my life that's a real complicated question oh here's an inadequacy excellent you have a pla you have a goal now rectify it now you still have to think strategically and figure out how to rectify it and do it step by step and but carl rogers the psychotherapist um pointed out that the per person for therapy to be successful the person has to want to change so they have to have recognized that they have a problem if if someone is mandated by the court to attend therapy it's very difficult for the therapist to convince them that they have a problem once you're convinced you have a problem it's like away you go you know i know it's still technically difficult it requires discipline and all of that there's no magic solution but if you're plagued by feelings of inferiority you should rectify the most obvious inferiorities right focus on those first over optimizing strengths would you say no not necessarily not not necessarily i'm and you don't have to redress every like i can't i'm a terrible jazz musician you know it's not it's not a thing where you hold shame around or like well it's not an impediment yeah yeah i would say that you have to rectify an inadequacy when it's clearly an impediment to your goal or you have to shift goals but if you're shifting goals because of an inadequacy related impediment then you have to ask yourself are you is your desire to shift the goal reliable or are you just taking the easy way out right you can protect yourself by picking a different goal that's more difficult that that's a good mental hygiene practice because sometimes you should switch goals rather than rectifying inadequacies but you can fool yourself then and and that's a that's not good and if someone is goalless lazy unmotivated not sure what they want to do what would be a few key steps to get started to to turn their life around or to find the motivation for something greater than where they're at well i i think a fair bit of that's probably to be found in you can find it in shame you can find it in guilt you can find it in conscience you can find it in anger you can find it in interest and and and engagement and beauty there's lots of pathways if you're angry about something in the world well you know that's an indication that that's in some sense your problem right it's speaking to you in a moral sense this shouldn't be that way well maybe you're the person who should do something about it in some manner maybe it'll take your whole life to figure out how to do that but it's bothering you for a reason so that the negative emotions can be a pathway to transformation i'm not trying to romanticize them they can crush you completely and leave you with nothing yeah right for sure and they can go badly astray but shame that's a good one what am i ashamed of well can you fix any of that because you might ask yourself let's say you're so ashamed and so crushed that you're nihilistic and you can't see any hope for life you're just done you might think well what if i was less ashamed like i'm not going to jump off the bridge today i'm going to wait a year i'm going to not i'm going to work on these things that i'm ashamed of and and just see like does my life improve enough so that i'm not so bitter about it now or i'm not so hopeless about it now and my experience has generally been that that works it works and then some of some of its practical knowledge too it's like you can get a really long way with very small changes incremental changes yeah micro habit changes so aim low don't have big big goals or big transformations well you can but but the problem with the big goal is that it's daunting enough so that it might paralyze you and there's a high probability of failure and so imagine that you're your own child okay now imagine you love this child and you would like him we'll say him because it's you and i talking to succeed now you have an ideal for this child you'd like him to grow up to be the best he can be better than you the best man he can be that's what you want for your son if the good part of you is talking yeah you definitely want him to be better than you are but you want him to be the best he could be if your vision is unclouded okay but then you offer him a goal it's like well do this well can he do it well if he can do it without a second's thought there's no challenge in it there's no developmental impetus it's not in the zone of proximal development you want a goal that you can do but that requires some improvement on your part because you want to attain the goal that's satisfying but then you want to make yourself into the thing that can attain goals and so you want to push yourself yeah you want to push yourself a bit for it yeah yeah yes and and and there there's an ample psychological literature that suggests that that's where maximal motivation is to be found interesting so you're you're pursuing a goal but you're also pursuing the goal of transforming yourself at the same time you're doing both of those at the same time do you need to know that you're transforming yourself in order to attain the goal or do most people just think i got to take these steps to make it happen but they don't realize they're becoming better human beings they it depends on what you mean by realized they they they have the sense of satisfaction and confidence that would indicate that although they might not be able to make what that means explicit but i would say it would be better to make it explicit it adds one other dimension of possible motivation how do you think people lose confidence we've talked about gaining it but how does someone how could someone like yourself who's accomplished so much who's got millions of followers who you know is financially successful has a great marriage how could someone lose confidence once they've built it illness that'll do it that's one way death of someone loss i mean there's lots of ways of having the rug pulled out from underneath you um moral error as the stakes get higher as we already discussed the consequences get larger ingratitude that's a big one you can succumb to the temptation to believe your own egotism that's a big mistake um there's lots of ways that things can go sideways that's for sure so it sounds like you know we we start off with a lack of confidence when we're pointed at you're inadequate in this thing and we go down a journey of you know building ourselves and overcoming the challenges and diving into the fear to to have these small wins to build confidence and then the more successful we become the more we succumb to losing that confidence again uh win a lot no no i wouldn't i wouldn't say necessarily that you become more susceptible to that um but you asked how can that happen how can that also occur i think i think i still believe that you know genuine accomplishment but it's ethical it's always ethical accomplishment i believe that to be the case genuine ethical accomplishment is the best source of security but it's not un unerring when you mean ethical accomplishment you mean doing something good right whether people know about it or not just good and write for yourself is that what i'm hearing you say do or does someone else need to acknowledge that this was good and right um i i think if if you if you've done it for yourself that's good but if you do it and other people are in on it and and along for the ride that's also good and sometimes that's better to bring people along um if it's just a matter of them acknowledging it well there's value in that too i mean you know you people say well you shouldn't care what people think of you it's like well of course you should psychopaths don't care what people think of them now you shouldn't care so much what people think about you that you're willing to lie to maintain whatever it is that you think they value that like there are places beyond which that becomes counterproductive clearly but of course well i mean i read the comments in youtube particularly and i pay attention to them and if you know 30 people say something like here's something i do and i probably did it to you um when i'm interviewing i interrupt more than a certain percentage of my audience would like i get that's my comments it's like just let them speak you interrupt too much so i just try to shut up more now do you know the joke what's the joke knock knock who's there the interrupting cow sorry that's a stupid joke but it's a stupid joke anyhow so you know i read those and that's what people think and and then i i think okay i should probably try to interrupt less but i get excited and and then with zoom there's a lag that makes it harder but i do pay attention and you should pay attention i think [Music] you work out every day you haven't missed a day been doing it for the last 20 20 years of my life 20 years i've been like two years no 20 some years of my life 20 every day you work out so i you should take one day off a week uh-huh i used to take one day off the body recover right makes sense but that one day off was an active recovery day where i would get on a trainer and ride for like two hours wow but at a at a zone one heart rate very low heart rate and i replaced the carbohydrates in my body while i rode because the best way to recover for me is to do something at a very low heart rate because therefore your blood's flowing through your body as your blood is flowing through your body refuel it with the nutrients because then your blood's flowing the nutrients is going through all your cells in your body all that glycogen is now flowing at a low heart rate so it's not burning it it's refueling it yeah so every sunday used to be that and it kind of snowballed into as human beings we believe like so many people before i give them a workout plan they're talking about recovery everybody everybody that hears me speak they want to go straight to recovery work out first work out first before you talk to me about recovery how to recover yeah work out first we are always looking for like whenever i talk to people people take my words and they and they and they put it in a way to where they want to feel comfortable this guy you know they they they want to put you in a box they want to put a title on you no you're putting a title on me to make yourself feel better about yourself if you read this book of mine and you see where i came from this person was this person was not built this this person was not made by god this person sorry this person was built i made this person i made this person by diving into the insecurities that life gave me because now they're yours they're yours to own if you're not smart call yourself dumb it's okay because you are but take that knowledge you put yourself down if you're fat car yourself fat i used to be 300 pounds we we want to talk so soft to ourselves we're looking for that recovery day and that recovery day is everything in your life everything in your life is a recovery day we're looking for it it's not coming it's not coming get over that recovery day and that's the mentality i took with me and what happened through that process was all the frivolous things of life started to float away i have to tell people lies so they would like me because i was so insecure when you start to build yourself up and start to have the one thing that we don't have is confidence yeah real authentic confidence from hard work everything else goes away you you no longer look to other people for yourself validation you now know i walk in the room now and i know that hours and years and decades i put in the david goggins that's some it's not on the wall it's not a trophy on the wall it's not a male around your neck it is actually a feeling in your heart and people why don't you ever smile i don't have to yeah i do have a historic look at my face i'm a very focused person but the thing i have in my soul and my heart that's why i need to smile i don't need to smile i don't need you to look at me and say oh my god you look happy because half of us aren't happy we're giving you something that we think you want to see i don't do that anymore i don't care how you perceive david goggins because through my journey i figured out the one piece i was missing i thought it was cars i thought it was women i thought it was i thought it was my i thought was everything the one piece i was missing was me having the courage to face myself and once you do that on a daily basis it's not about the running where people are going to be about working out where i got my work ethic from was the hours i had to spend learning this when you sit down and you're not smart you have a disability yeah and you still want to be at the top of your class i didn't want to get by when i realized that i can learn do hard work and i can beat the valedictorian in school but i got put in 10 hours more a day than he does you know what kind of strength comes from that when you're sitting down and that guy that that valerie study for an hour and you know i caught you i caught you and i am dumb but i have the work ethic to catch you that's where david gaga's got really invented yeah was at a kitchen table with 20 spiral notebooks that were empty and then three months later yeah they were full and when you can go through that i still have them in my storage unit you're going through these spiral notebooks of your life and you're like this is how i learned this is unbelievable there's no miles it's not about the miles it's that having a discipline every day to say for me to learn this one math problem it's gonna take me 10 hours wow and that's where it and you realize through hard work you can do you can out work anybody how badass they are but that's the part people don't want to dive into yeah when someone's lacking confidence in themselves what's right what's the answer you would give them if they're like how do i gain more confidence it starts with yourself man you got to start diving into those things that you are afraid of you don't gain confidence by going to the spot that makes you feel good it's going to be a false reality and the second life gives you that challenge all you want to do is go back to what makes you confidence or or or what gave you confidence is that happy spot no what gives you confidence what gave me confidence was spending years at a kitchen table trying to learn how to read and write on my own realizing i can't learn the way you learn i can't but i can learn what gives you confidence not being afraid it's overcoming the fear isis stutters severely bad so right now i know how many people are going to watch this you know what gives me confidence is knowing i no longer care if i sit or start stuttering to you yeah that's what gives me confidence is facing these things overcoming them and maybe not overcoming them every day but facing them and facing their face and preaching like this you know what man this is where it's at it's not in that comfort zone it's in the discomfort zone is where my confidence is getting built that's where it's getting built but people want to and they want an easier answer yeah there has to be an easier way there's not i'm sorry i searched for it my entire life you chased me you lied i lied i did everything and i still felt empty i coach a lot of people nowadays billionaires who call me on the phone and say man i'm still missing some it's because they did what they were good at and they have this beautiful family two three houses cars everything has everything to work on the outside looking like my god man how can you be unhappy i walk around with the backpack with all my stuff in here no car right and i walk around happiest person in the world have nothing happy as hell it's because i found out the whole key to life it's not in all that you have to face yourself so many people live to be 100 years old and they die miserable having everything because they never examined i call it my live autopsy you never examine this happiness peace enlightenment it's all up here man it's all up here if i start talking like this people go man you know i don't know it's the truth man yeah no it's true it's all up here he's gonna be willing to go and face it and that's the hard part what's your biggest insecurity today i'm not to be arrogant i don't have one what was the last one you had and when was that the last one i had was probably um still me me still living because i i always talk about i i pay rent so we live we used to live in a seven dollar a month place when i was growing up is that buffalo or is this this is in indiana yeah so like we had a lot of money in buffalo and when my mom left my dad we went to nothing for a period of time before she got on her feet right and that seven dollar a month place used to be it was my it was who i was i was no one i was in the sewer my mom went there i had nothing and you always feel like you have nothing i achieved so much i was a navy seal i've gone through ranger school i've gone through delta iv selection training i i've done so much i run 200 miles pull-up records everything learned to read and write became pretty intelligent and i still was like man what is wrong with me it wasn't until i got real sick and i talked about the last chapter of that book i got real sick and i was about um 38 years old i'm 43 now and my life got real quiet i went from running 25 miles and 39 hours till i couldn't get out of bed the doctors couldn't figure out what's wrong with me but once again it was the best thing that ever happened to me why is that in that moment when my whole life changed i went from a guy who worked out every day trained every day to a guy who couldn't get out of bed my life was taken from me the one thing that kept me going was my training no you didn't have i didn't have anything i each had to sit alone alone and not train and that's what changed me and that's when i realized i hadn't thought hadn't taken time to think about what i'd done in my life you haven't reflected yet i am reflected i've done all these things but there was no finish line i still believe that but you must have time to reflect yeah i was just going i wouldn't even i finished a race of life and i wouldn't even receive my medal i go on you're like on to the next i get in the car and i go you won't even take the medal gone don't care about like i'm not gonna waste an hour sitting around for this ceremony most people sit around and that's what they like they they need the ceremony if i accomplish some validation i haven't done anything let's go let's go let's go just getting started i'm just getting started that's right when i started figuring out life that i was leaving so much in the tech i caught my 40 rule yeah i was leaving so much in the time once i realized my god man i was just dumb fat kid being bullied and now i'm 180 pound person lost 106 pounds in less than three months learned to read learn to do this let me do that i was like i need more i was fueling my mind with everything i never took time to say my god you came from this hell and you're here so those insecurities and this how i explain it the best way seal training became pretty hard and a lot of guys weren't getting through it so they designed a seal pet prep program like a boot camp for the boot camp that's right yeah and it was two months in my last two years before i retired from the military they sent me there to train these kids wow to get ready for 14 19 20 years ago young kids so when they get to navy seal training man they were physical studs they were running swimming i mean they were they were hybrids wow but they get the buds and the same amount of people would quit why is that this is why we were training bigger stronger faster quitters hmm it's not about not the mind that's right we weren't diving into the sewer everybody's got a story we don't share it on social media we share our nice life on social media we have we all have a dungeon i'm just willing to talk about mine yeah most of us don't really talk about it i want to talk about my dungeon i wasn't getting into the dungeon of these guys minds i wasn't building that so-called mental toughness mental toughness isn't something that you sample it's something that you live in every day so when something hard would happen to these kids like in hell week it would draw on something that made them very insecure and they look for comfort whenever hardness comes and you know what it is it may be different for you than this for me but you go back to your insecurities and then when you go back to the insecurities you then look for comfort within those insecurities and we all look for that cookie that your mom used to give you when you were sad when you were sick we look for our wife or our husband we look for comfort it's in those moments you must retrain your mind to think differently in hell i wasn't training them to do that why weren't you training i wasn't training myself yet because at that time i was doing what i was told these guys needed me a standard physical standard a physical standard the physical standard is not what they need to meet it's a mental standard you must meet in life so going back to when i was sick i was hitting the physical standards i wasn't meeting the mental standard the mental standard is you must know how far you've come wow i wasn't i i had come 8 000 miles from where i started but if you never know that you're still in a seven dollar a month place when i was sick i was able to slow it down and reflect back on my entire life and in that bed when i thought i was dying because that story is long that that sick person in my life is long i didn't care if i died or lived wow because i was for the first time in my life happy wow and at peace because i reflected back on where it started you said while i have come a long way that's right and no one saved me it wasn't like someone came down here and guided me through life when you figure this out on your own the amount of pride and dignity and self-respect you have that's why i walk around the streets with a backpack and just like i don't need anything else yeah you figure it out by going inside yourself by callousing over the victim's mentality you're always a victim even if you have everything in life until you realize what you've achieved you have to first realize what you've achieved and my mom has accomplished so much in her life since my father but she hasn't done that one step really she doesn't acknowledge it and reflect she continues to go back to the dungeon of her past life and live in that space live in that space versus living the space that she's in now and reflecting back on my god this is what i've done with my life so have you talked to her about this we talk about all the time and you have to be willing to go there you have to be willing to really go to not not surface i don't i don't live on the surface of anything yeah surface is what got me where i was at it got me from 175 pounds to 300 pounds telling everybody i'm good i don't i don't give a damn i'm good no they're they're hollow words a lot of us speaking hollow words i used to speak in hollow words i don't do anymore everything that comes on mouth has substance is real and we all have these feelings in our bodies and our minds and our souls i act on mine a lot of us who are afraid of something we allow our minds to choose the path of least resistance so we go a different route now i'm afraid of something is telling me you must congress you must do that yeah you have to go that way and most of us don't understand that mentality we go left and we wonder why we haven't fulfilled something in our lives is because we continue to take the journey that is mapped out and how i look at is i i talk in life like a lot of us in life want to take the four-lane highway that has road maps and all this other stuff on it man it tells you where to go gas stations the next 10 miles up you're going to see a mcdonald's a crackle barrel yeah it's the easy route very few of us want to go to the right side like that cracker browse that midwest life that's right from ohio it's all about it man everywhere dude that's amazing bringing back memories um this is powerful because i've been telling people this i've been living that way unknowingly my whole life of like whatever the thing is i'm afraid of when i was in high school i started doing those things right i was just like i'm sick and tired of feeling afraid right so i need to do the things that scare me the most that's right you know i've talked about this a lot in the podcast tiffany's heard me share these stories but i was afraid to talk to girls when i was a teenager i was afraid of uh dancing i was afraid of like singing and playing music in front of people i was afraid of all these different things and so i said i want to do this i'm going to give myself a challenge every single day until the fear goes away sure and i feel like that's what more of us should be doing i'm hearing that that's what you how you live your life that's all it is man and it helps me feel so much more confident when you overcome that fear of saying this doesn't have control over me anymore sure it's like you can be at so much more peace it's 100 life most of like like for instance i never thought in my wildest dreams i could be a navy seal it's until you opened your mind open-mindedness creates that we all shut down our mind like for instance when i broke the pull-up record everybody around me who heard the pull-up record was four thousand and twenty pull-ups that's the first thing they did oh my god four thousand and twenty-four hours or yeah it's four thousand twenty pull-ups and twenty-four hour period yeah the first thing i did versus closing my mind you're like oh my god that's crazy i went and got a penny how many is that every minute exactly every hour every second instead of taking life and making out to be this grandiose thing start breaking it down start breaking it down and most of us we live in a box and we don't want to go outside that box at all ever outside that box is all these possibilities of life what we do is we shackled our mind we are a prisoner in our own mind that this is all i can do this is all i'm good at and we we we take away the possibilities of you could be this you could be that yeah you could be all these things and i never thought at 300 pounds i could be named seal wow so if my mind was shackled me and you would never meet there'd be no book right there'd be no book right there'd be nothing so what people understand is that they live for themselves not knowing that you have the power within yourself to change millions of lives yeah by facing life by facing yourself and through that i i would die never knowing that i had the power to change millions of lives it will haunt me the most if you ask me what haunts you the most what helps me most is that if i would have died at 300 pounds let's say i was 75 years old i got to heaven and god has a chart like that on everybody's life god knows all let's say that i don't care what you believe in doesn't matter i'm not judging anybody let's say my thing is god you get to heaven i'm 300 pounds i sit down i was a cockroach terminator my whole life and we're sitting down just like this you're god and i'm david and he gives me that chart and he says look at this now look at this chart and on the chart it has all these different things but my name's on it but these things aren't me i was going to change the world i was going to i was going to set records i was going to be a navy seal i was going to be all these things in the military that i accomplished you're gonna get the vfw award you could be honored here honored there and i'm like god i was this isn't me like it says david goggins i was an eco lab guy i pray for cockroaches and i'm 300 pounds i said here i'm 185. it says here i got a a bachelors and a masters it says all these things and god goes no that's who you were supposed to be wow my biggest fear in life is if there is a final resting place in this world and there's a final judgment and you talk to something much bigger than you i don't want to sit down have a conversation with someone with something that says you're in heaven this is what you should have been on earth and are you really in heaven now are you in hell thinking about how much i left on a table for fear for not willing to go over the wall and over the next wall and over the next wall so in my mind i believe that and god knows all at least i believe that i want god to be up there right now as we're speaking writing stuff down saying my god he exceeded even my expectations that's how i live my life i now know that there is no cap on the human mind there's no cap we cap it ourselves wow is our cap on the human body that's right is there one i i don't believe so because one thing i found out was i didn't for several years i gave myself a way out when you were 300. now it's 300 pounds and i was only up till i was 24 years old i would climb a mountain i fall back down i start climbing i fall back down for the first 24 years of my life i went to my first hell week my second hell week and then my third whole week came in seal training and the co captain bowen looked at me i'm on crutches i'm all jacked up he says hey this is your last time you're gonna go through buds this is it i had several stress fractures i had double pneumonia i was jacked up and he gave me a few months to heal he said this is your last time going through i shouldn't even let you go back through wow i started navy seal training with stress fractures stress fractures that's hard to finish stress fractures starting the hardest training argument the heart's training the world with stress fractures and this is when i started to not put a cap on the body if the mind is there every morning i wake up at 3 30 morning 4 o'clock in the morning go to my dive cage go in there before anybody saw me i'd get duct tape and i would tape from my forefoot all the way up to the middle of my calf and i would put two black socks on and so i ran not using the pivot oh my gosh and i ran my hip flexors so for the first 45 minutes to an hour i was in absolute excruciating pain but what motivated me through that whole process was the fact that this kid came from that i'm in the hardest training in the world in the worst shape of my entire life what if i can graduate amongst these studs wow all these guys around me are studs they're stallions they're gladiators in my class they're all healthy most of them they're not broken like this they may have some you know everybody's sick going down training but if i could graduate it would change everything for me if i can start the hardest chain in the world broken and graduate so my mind fed off of that you are now from the weakest man you're now the hardest man to ever live if you can do this if you can do this life is one big mind game yeah and you're playing it with yourself is it true i don't care it got me through the hardest training starting out broken where most people quit i just started wow and when you take that mindset and you learn to flip that around that's what made me powerful and my body followed and three months later my stress fractures were healed by running on them calcifying it just like i never had him since 43 years old wow i ran 7 000 miles in 2007 haven't had a stretch fracture since and i'm not saying to do that i'm just saying that when the mind and the body connect and you didn't you don't give yourself a way out the only way out for me at that time was death wow i'm going to be a navy seal or i'm going to die or i'm going to die trying yeah period and my body said roger that we're going to get you through this so when the mind gives it no way out your body says okay okay i believe you now i have to heal i'm going to figure this out with you yeah do this it's gonna be the worst part of your life but we're gonna you're gonna survive we're gonna survive wow and as you hear in that hundred mile race i did i started figuring out more and more and more and more about at the other end of suffering is a life that no one and i'm not talking about go out there and kill yourself don't take these words and flip them and say oh my god no it'd just be uncomfortable i call it suffering physically injure yourself yes not saying that and then be out for six months that's right that's no good that's not good i'm not saying i'm not saying do what i did yeah i was in a spot that life forced me i had a choice had a choice to be this guy or the guy that's in front of you i had choices i chose this path and you're still choosing it i'm still choosing to go back to that guy at any moment because i found out i found out something with those stress fractures i found out something through facing all these things i found out a whole nother world which is why i walk around with all my stuff in a black backpack wow i found it a whole nother way a whole nother way of no matter how far you get in life you have to be able to go back to scratch in your mind at a moment's notice you can never get so far beyond scratch what that means is when you accomplish something in life if you want to go back to scratch and go back to that seven dollar a month place where i once lived and visit that place for a long period of time if you were here when you went back to scratch you would now be here scratch is what makes you better scratch friction obstacles create growth there's no friction when you're this far up in the game anymore you think there is that's right when you change so much the friction is is minor because why i'm sore i'm going to get a massage today i'm hungry i'm going to eat today the refrigerator is always full so your comforts are now so your discomfort is now very miniscule to your discomfort back here in the seven dollar month place so you have to go back to the total discomfort to then raise your level of where you're at now i'm not saying stay there and stay there visit visit it and then you raise your level take a day trip that's right yeah always take day trips yeah [Music] how do we train ourselves to find motivation and not be lazy because i feel like there's a lot of laziness out there or there's moments of motivation but then it falls back into a laziness uh structured schedule how do we train our minds and our body to be motivated towards a goal and not stay lazy yeah uh well at first it's know thyself because we all we're all different so one of the attributes i talk about in the book is discipline and what i had to do with discipline was um actively separate discipline from self-discipline what's the difference okay well the difference is that self-discipline is internally focused okay self-discipline is about is about managing one's self and it does it has very little to do with external requirements right so so you or i can decide to get in shape for example and we can change our diet we can work out every day the external environment uh doesn't have a lot of say in that you know in us in us achieving that accomplishment so self-discipline is about an is about managing the internal uh discipline the way i talk about in the book is about achieving that long-term goal this is these are those long-term goals are going to take a while to achieve and the the external world has a say so getting that promotion writing that book becoming the famous singer becoming a navy seal right the external world has started a podcast right the external world has a say in whether or not you do that and that's and the discipline that is required to move through those wicked those wickets takes adaptability it takes flexibility it takes the ability to not get seduced by the highs the successes and not get crushed by the failures and and continue to move towards that goal and what i found was because i'm a i'm a very unself-disciplined person i don't have a lot right um and so what i so i had to separate this because i've i've been able to achieve a lot of goals in my life it's like what's the difference well the difference is um if you are overly so so those with very high self-discipline sometimes this is not exclusive but sometimes have trouble achieving long-term goals because because the achievement of long-term goals often takes a an ability and an uh and by necessity to march into the unknown into uncertainty which is going to throw you off routine and throw you out of certainty the self-disciplined person the very self-esteem likes routine like certainty right that's how it's structure i mean that's what it is um and so and so moving towards a goal like that takes oftentimes uh being able to adapt out of structure you know and say well i i can't do that like i'm normal i'd have to just go in i have to go and unknowing right now the the best the most successful people are those who have both self-discipline and discipline right um in terms of staying motivated for goal the way i would do it by knowing myself is i would i would uh understanding i'm not a very self-disciplined person i would simply try to chunk a goal into smaller pieces right so if i want to if i want to lose weight you know then i can say well that's why cheat days are actually good for me right because i can i can i can say i can take this piece of it and move so i i i chunk my reward system in a different way but i think um i think the way the way one stays motivated towards a goal is highly subjective but it would in my uh kind of through my thought process in my experience involve a an active or one to actively um map out a reward system that helps someone move through that sort of creating the reward system first for the for the goal in order to help you stay motivated yeah depending on your depending on your how you show up not just say like okay i'm gonna my goal is to achieve this thing it's gonna take me three years to accomplish it right and that's the only reward i'm gonna get in those three years but how can i reward myself every day for an action i take every month for a milestone every year if we're getting closer so focusing on the reward system yes and this is this is this is neurobiological because dopamine the neurotransmitter is you get you get hits of dopamine when you as a reward when you achieve things you know there's many ways you get dopamine but one of the ways is when you achieve things so if you're able to effectively create a reward system that means something to you it can't be it can't be kind of inert right so so if i want to run if i want to run marathon and i haven't and i can barely run to the to my mailbox right um you know then maybe you know buying some running shoes and putting them on one morning is enough of a reward system to get a dopamine hit yeah as someone who runs you know somewhat frequently and i you probably uh identify with this just putting on our shoes one morning is probably not going to give us that dopamine we got we got to extend that we've got to extend that task a little bit so that we've already accomplished a lot of some so you have to push beyond you have to push beyond it to get that that reward system so it becomes subjective what would you say 20 years as a navy seal at different levels uh and you were deployed how many different times are you going to talk about that well you know i mean 13 and some change yeah so deployments between what six months and over a year yeah i never did year long but anywhere between you know three months to six months usually um this is iraq and afghanistan for the most part yeah in other places maybe not a lot to talk about what would you say of that 20-year experience was the most challenging experience for you was it something within a mission was it learning how to develop as a leader was it having a relationship with your wife during that time what was the most challenging point yeah yeah the most challenging thing ironically wasn't the job because you because we were all so prepared for the job and you were around we were around just the best people in the world um so so the trust and the camaraderie was to this day you know i look back on it very fondly right wow um so not the day-to-day job i mean even just like the the missions you went out on yeah that wasn't that wasn't challenging uh i think i think if i were to if i were to say you know the first foremost was probably having to leave the family when you have to say goodbye to your family um for a stint you know whether it's three months or six months or some some folks are deploying for a year right um that is a rough deal that not many people can can capture not many people with families can capture that when you have to say goodbye to your kids and your wife for that you know okay we'll see you in however and then and then to add on to that understanding their stress or at least my kids were a little bit smaller but understanding my wife's stress knowing that i was going someplace and she just contacted yeah well i mean luckily with today's technology contact was fairly easy but we found was you know again ironically we found that that um daily contact was never a good idea because what happens is you establish a routine you get comfortable you're comfortable so so something happens if i'm working i'm overseas in something i have a mission that goes along or whatever and i don't get to call her that day well suddenly she's worried you know and it also makes time actually seem slower interesting yeah so we we decided we were only going to talk usually once a week my son who had a real trouble when he was young i mean he was you know he was born in um 05 so he was he was by the time he was two he was he was having trouble with me deploying um and and every time i went it was rough on him and we actually for him we actually almost had to what we literally had to just decide not to i was not i was not going to talk to him on the phone it was too hard for him he had to basically kind of forget me oh my gosh so he had to come compartmentalize as a child yeah in order to help him compartmentalize and not survive depressed or be stressed because that's one of the attributes you talk about is compartmentalization yeah how do you do that if you're an emotional human being that's you have these deep connections to your family and friends how do you just detach in a sense yeah and become more machine-like for a period of time and then allow yourself to feel deeply in other moments well it never goes away and i think the attributes the way i talk about comparabilization and the attribute is more uh in is more kind of surrounded by the way our brain functions and processes information versus i'm going to block something out so i don't have to think about it however i think most team guys seals spec ops guys have a very high ability to compartmentalize away from things you know block out things that are that are painful i know that about me and i know that about my my my buddies because you have to because war sucks you know and at the end of the day the mission has to be accomplished you know so if something gnarly happens on a mission um you can't sit there these these movies that show these extended scenes of people you know mourning when when their body goes down or whatever like oh my god yeah it doesn't have that but now you don't have that time you know you have to the the you have to win the gunfight right because if you don't and all of you won't make it home right so so you have to and i think i think the training allows you to do that the training is so intense and so um kind of uh so effective that it requires you to compartmentalize you know training teaches you to compartmentalize you become become very very good at it now that could be a detriment in a relationship so uh i think those of us who were able to recognize that actively try not to do that with our families um and so it becomes much more of a precision tool versus a a frenetic thing that just happens without us without us having control over it what was the the moment that was the scariest for you when you were deployed where you thought like um i may not make it um or our team may not make it or this is a really bad i guess you're training for bad situations all the time yeah but was there ever a moment you're like i don't know if we're gonna get out of this no i was i was fortunate not to have that moment i say that i say that with immense gratitude because i know there's a lot of friends of mine who didn't have that that can't say that they had those moments where they you know they said that but but no i i was fortunate enough to be um always in a position um and my team was always in a position that we had prepared planned and executed in a way that was highly effective so that when things went wrong because things always go sideways we had complete you know or near complete control or we we understood the pathways we needed to get to to go throughout it but but i say that also you know this is this comes back to comparabilization you know um one of the things that you have to be able to do when when goes sideways is to not focus on that thought you just brought up right the focus is not oh my god i don't think i'm going to get out of this because it's how do i get out of this but the so the mental cutie attributes which are situation awareness um uh compartmentalization task switching and learnability right um so that's how information is coming in how we're processing it and prioritizing how we're switching between the necessary tasks and then how we're learning from our from our from from our decisions right so i talk about the parachute malfunction in in the context of that um but ultimately comes to even be able to do that in the first place it requires a a forebrain dominance in the sense that you're not letting your autonomic system take over into a fight flight response and you're able to think through stress challenge and uncertainty in the sense that say okay what what can i control right now and this is where trust in your teammates comes in because now i have a team i mean i i can say this with with um with great pride and gratitude i can remember literally walking in areas you know when we're overseas and thinking man this is a it's a bad area this is sketchy and having complete and utter faith right because i just i was around because i was with my teammates right i was around people who just i trusted i knew that if something went went wrong we'd we'd be able to handle it you know and so i think that's that's a necessity when you do this type of type of stuff when you're going out on a mission what's the process like of preparing for that mission are you planning more for all the things that could go wrong on how to get out of that situation or is it planning for here's exactly how we would like it to go right yeah but let's also have a exit plan or a plan for when things go wrong what do you think it's the latter it's it's it's you plan the mission as you'd like it to go um and then you uh inside of that planning you put together you build contingencies within each uh within each factor so when this doesn't go as planned right so what are the three ways to get it yeah so you know just like i mean just like any um uh athlete would understand or so so a quarterback coming out of a snap would say well i have two or three or four plays i can fall back on depending on how this line shapes up right um you have the same thing you know i you know this is where experience matters after you do you do it over and over again it's okay well during as we're coming in on insertion you know we there's there's a few things that could go wrong so if this then that if this then that and you kind of do that throughout a phase throughout the phase planning but then there's what we call the 80 20 rule and that is you you get to 80 of certainty and then you recognize that 20 is just out of your control and that's where confidence comes you say if something happens outside that 20 we will we will figure it out because we're not going to figure out everything and and it's you know murphy's law will dictate that something happens that we haven't thought of uh so you uh so you prepare yourself to deal with uncertainty how do you train your mind to deal with chaos in the moment so that you don't freak out and freeze up but you actually turn on a level of focus and attention towards achieving that goal yeah the uh i was i think we're predisposed uh each one of us to what uh what i've called a human huberman i both have called this is the autonomic set point you know at what point do we start flipping into an auto into an autonomic response into fight flight where our where our system starts you know taking over and our forebrain starts coming offline if we were if you and i use boiling point as the average most of us might be average there are those who uh who start really freaking out at like 190. you know so 212 is the average at 190 degrees they're starting to freak out right there are people who take it it takes till like 2 30 to boil right i think that the guys who make it through that training are predisposed to have a higher set point first of all in other words we tend to when bad things start to happen we tend to slow down and start thinking through it versus get all hyped up it's funny it's funny you know uh i live in the neighborhood and in my neighborhood there's four other navy seals there's you know one across the street one down the road one must be nice well it is nice you know hey because they're great dudes and it's great they're great neighbors but i remember my wife once saying and she said hey i'm so glad these guys are here and i in the neighborhood i was like why so she said because if something went wrong i know i could go to them and they'd act like you act and i said well tell me i said because because if something happens they would immediately calm down and they'd start working the problem right and so so i think there's there i think we show up predisposed um training to it is is difficult you know um and i i think so so here we are actually working on some some stuff to help train have to help teach people to do that uh but it comes down to understanding your own neurology and it comes down to understanding that you know here's how you have to think through situations under stress and then it's going to be about putting yourself into deliberate stress to practice that you can't practice this type of thinking if you're not in stress you need to put yourself you need to put yourself in that what are some things civilians could do to practice stressful moments on a daily basis where it doesn't hurt them but it's actually preparing them i talk about every day i think you should be experiencing some type of pain something that's uncomfortable right seeking discomfort yes uh whether it be through a 10-minute workout whether it be through a longer run it doesn't matter what it is an uncomfortable conversation we should be doing this every day in a in a structured environment yeah that allows us to grow yes what do you think are some ways we could do this that's not putting us in harm's way or physically hurting ourselves i can't answer that because it's so subjective i can give some ideas and you just gave some i mean some people are are very social people so starting a conversation with a stranger is a piece of cake right for me that would be hard right starting a conversation with a stranger would be hard so that might be something i do uh giving a presentation public speaking for people is tough so uh so volunteering to give that presentation is a great way for a lot of people because you know you know they that that makes them anxious you know so working out for some is like for some people they've developed a system where that that pain point of working out is something they highly enjoy right so they're not they're not practicing it yeah so um so it so someone should should look at their own makeup and ask themselves what what fright well in fear again it doesn't have to go all the way to fear fear is interesting because it's a it's actually a combination of two things it's a combination of uncertainty and anxiety you can have each one of those and not have fear right so if you are anxious but not uncertain that would be i have to give this presentation on monday i hope it's good i'm nervous about it right that's you know but but there's nothing uncertain about it it's monday it's two o'clock i know what i'm going to do i'm just i'm nervous about it okay um uncertainty without anxiety well that's every kid on christmas eve okay i mean so uh but it's when you combine the two that you start to generate fear well um the the idea is if you have fear if you have uncertainty plus anxiety and it started to manifest into fear the key is to understanding which of those two factors can you buy down okay anxiety buy down bite out which means uh decrease um anxiety can be decreased internally it's an internal response right so things like some of the tools your room talks about visual tools breathing tools so you can begin to you can begin to shift your physiology out of your sympathetic into your parasympathetic come off of the autonomic response system right so that's so that's how you could start you know kind of buying down on anxiety uncertainty is largely external okay that means something around you outside of you you don't understand there's unknown the way the best way to do that and the way we do it in the in spec ops is we we control what we can control so some some people have referred to it kind of control your three-foot world right but it doesn't have to extend it's not a it's not a three-foot thing it's it's what in this moment can i control and then take control of that right because then you are grabbing onto certainty you're taking what is uncertain you're grabbing onto something certain as soon as you've controlled that as soon as you move through that then you have to make another decision what's the next thing this is basically kind of stepping through right stepping through this challenge right so uh so you can start to you can start to practice um coming off of fear or moving through fear by kind of understanding both of those those uh those pieces what do you think's the greatest lesson you learned throughout the 20 years for yourself that has helped you not only during that but also after being with the seals i think it's i think it's it's not fearing the unknown it's the it's the idea that i i you know when you go through something like you understand that hey i could pretty much do whatever i'd like to do um and i know that even though even though i don't know how i'm going to do it i know i can figure it out if there's enough interest that there's no enough passion right you know i'm not gonna i'm not interested in becoming a pro football player you know right so so that's you know that's off my list right but i was interested in writing a book and that was a whole new process for me you know when i started when i left the navy i started public speaking i did not like public speaking at all right i did not like it but i knew it was it was it was an edge that i wanted to conquer you know and say okay well let me work through the things to conquer this edge kind of like your philosophy i think it's a really it's it's not only a deep one but it's profound because because if we are consistently moving deciding what our edges are moving towards our edge and then getting there um then we are we are growing you know because guess what we're doing at that point we're looking for the next edge you know and that's the growth process it's continuing to move to our edges and and then finding the next edge i mean you say you don't like public speaking but don't you have to speak to your teams and guys yeah but that's not public that's like that's that's the guys so it's not it's not the same it's different yeah it's different there's a lot more you know when you're you know because you're in and and when you're in the in the military there's no there's no expectation of of you know kind of great articulation or or humor or you know it's a sportsman yeah and that's what's appreciated too there's like no one wants you to sit there and pontificate it's like hey guys this is this is what's going on um so there's there's a there's a directness that's appreciated and and um and required you know so but that's not you know what do you think was the hardest lesson you had to learn through your 20 years something that you were struggling with or challenged with or you kept repeating until you finally learned the lesson yeah i think the hardest lessons the hardest lesson maybe not one the hardest lessons were just around leadership what it takes what leadership take what it takes to be a leader because again um being a leader and being in charge are often conflated they're not the same thing okay what's the difference well anybody could be in charge as an officer you know in the military i was pretty much in charge of something all the time it didn't didn't make me a leader you don't get to call yourself a leader it's like calling yourself funny or calling yourself handsome okay someone else someone else makes that decision you can't you can't designate yourself that way um someone else decides whether or not you are a leader okay and that's done through the way you behave in that position so if you are in charge and you're behaving in a way that causes someone to make a decision okay this is the person i would lead i mean if if we think about the leaders in our lives the people who we consider leaders in our lives it's not because they were just in charge of us in fact we could probably think of people who we would follow uh into hell and back and they're they have they have no place in the hierarchy of our lives right they are just someone who just they behaved that way in in a way that's made us kind of in in endeared to them so so the attributes i talk about in the book in terms of leadership attributes are all attributes that actually um cause behaviors that typically cause people to look at others as leaders what are the behaviors that most human beings admire the most that we want to follow that person or be inspired to be led by something that they're sharing or involved in a community a movement whatever it may be what are the three or four main behaviors that they have and we should be developing if we want to be better leaders yeah well i talk about five in the book in terms of these words the first is empathy okay and again i would say this there's not an exclusivity in terms of what someone will decide uh because there are people who will subjective right it's a subjective thing you know again it's someone's choice as to whether or not they think so empathy is one um selflessness uh is another and this is not just um you know so let's just back up here empathy um not just i know how you feel i feel how you feel right i can i can put myself into your shoes and and i and that reflects in the way i i communicate with you and i care about it shows that you care about another human being what is the best way to to show that i mean give me an example as opposed to saying i know how you feel how do you feel empathize showing you feel how they feel well first deep listening and so so uh so we all so listening to another person but but true like deep full-on like listening like i i am hanging on every word listening oftentimes we listen to people and we're two things one of two things is happening either we're thinking about what we're saying next right or we're thinking about how what that person is saying relates to our lives and it's not from a malicious standpoint it's it's really because we're trying to relate so we're trying to say okay you're talking about football i'm thinking okay wait a second you know did i play i played football in eighth grade maybe i could talk about they're late yeah but what i'm doing is i'm not listening to you anymore you know i'm making what you're saying about me you know so um so what's what deep empathetic listening is i'm i've i have like a white board in my mind okay and as i'm listening to you speak if something pops onto the whiteboard i erase it and i move on i just keep on listening you know that is if you do if you if you empathetically listen like look into someone's eyes attentive behavior facing each other you are going they are going to feel cared for because you're exchanging now there's an exchange going on there's serotonin being released there's uh there's oxytocin being exchanged or at least released and all these kind of these bonding chemicals right so so that type of listening shows someone you care about them empathy is a little bit tougher for some some people are just wired we know some people are wired to be my wife is extraordinarily empathetic i mean she really feels other people i mean i am not she's i've had i've had to really try to develop empathy it's something that she's taught me in terms she hasn't taught me she hasn't taught me how to do it because she can't teach someone attributes but she's inspired me to kind of develop it myself [Music] what is the opportunity well the opportunity is to unlock the power that's inside you to create a better future for yourself for your family for your body for your mind for your spirit for this country for this world for your community yeah i always you know always talk about since i experienced many breakdowns whether it be a physical breakdown or relationship breakdown or family breakdowns i feel like in order for us to really see clearly we need to break down in a big way it's hard to make big changes when things are good or when they're so so it's it's even when it's like uh it's not good it's it's really it's hard to make changes it needs to be devastatingly challenging for a lot of us some of us maybe can make uh changes all the time but for most people there needs to be some devastation or near devastation either personally or close to you to say oh let me reevaluate let me pause like you talked about and start creating a better future for myself why do you think that is in human beings that you know things are going bad we won't change if they're going good we won't change but it's almost like we need a massive breakdown near death experience divorce covid for us to see clearly to start changing well there's a really simple answer patterns so the thing about all human beings is that we are pattern learning machines and if you feel stuck or broken i guarantee you while you feel that way you're not you have a pattern of behavior or a pattern of thinking that is broken and we need to be disrupted because we love our patterns and even people that i know like i've heard pain even when we're in pain we like pain's familiar for a lot of people yeah so a lot of people like you may be listening to lewis and i talking and you grew up in a super chaotic household maybe your parents argued all the time maybe your dad or mom were in and out maybe there was a lot of fighting maybe there was actual abuse i don't know what was going on but it was chaotic as hell and so as an adult you have vowed yourself you are not going to repeat that pattern but what ends up happening is because as a little kid you observed witness absorbed the pattern of chaos in your nervous system unless you go about the intentional work of breaking the pattern of chaos you will create it in your own life because it's what's familiar you won't understand why do i keep dating these why do i why do i go to these bosses that treat me like crap because you don't know what it feels like to be in a relationship with either a boss or a romantic partner or a roommate that is consistent because for the first 18 years of your life you lived in an estate called when's the next shoe gonna drop right and so wherever it is in your life that something is broken there is a pattern that you don't see yet that is making you continue to stay in a broken situation and so one of the things that you just asked which is why is a perspective change or losing a job or something like that that's so disruptive because those sorts of things covet 19 breaks every pattern yes yes black lives matter breaks patterns of thinking that you weren't even aware that you had about privilege or being anti-racist or what your black colleagues and friends and relatives deal with on a day-to-day basis and so having a breakdown is one of the biggest things on the planet because what you get is you get a break from your own and you can look objectively at where you are and for the first time look ahead and say well what do i want to go create and nine times out of ten if you're discouraged right now if you've got financial devastation if you've if you're facing something that is making this moment in time as hard for you as life was for lewis and i in 2008 during the last recession i beg you ask yourself honestly if what you had is actually what you wanted the thing that you just lost that that job that you brushed about all the time a relationship that was bad to you yeah yes or the friends you can't hang out with because it's convenient and you can't you're in court like actually ask yourself if this is what you wanted or were you just used to it being used to something louis i think is the biggest reason why people don't change i asked my mother i love my mother i love my parents i've been married 51 years which is a feat because they were my mom was a teen mom but uh i asked her once if she'd go to a personal development center with me what'd you say are you kidding me why would i want to change at my age wow i might discover i hate my life wow i was like okay i'm just going to leave that right there right i mean i think being used to what you have i mean i i i even our son is so i'm i'm here in vermont at my mother-in-law's place and our son is going to go to high school in vermont and so we're going to kind of split our time back and forth between my mother-in-law's place and our place in boston because god knows what business is going to be like and you know why would you need an office after cov19 another amazing thing to realize um even that change i notice my own agitation my own anxiety coming up will i make friends will i like a slower lifestyle what happens if chris likes it up here and i hate it up here my own mind because it's not something i'm used to yet is making up stories to cling to the old way of life this is a moment in time everyone please this is the greatest gift the greatest gift is this moment of pause where you get in touch with what you actually want and if you don't have the skills for crying out loud look around and take an online course because if you need skills to prepare yourself for the thing that you want get them right now yeah what is the thing you really want then you've gone on this uh grab chase of opportunities that come your way not not in a bad sense but it's like here are a way for you to share a message and be on thousands of stages and do a talk show and you know it sounds like it was your part of your dream but it was your was it a dream of like wow this sounds amazing or this is exactly what i want because i remember i remember you texting me uh a year and a half ago two years ago saying i'm working on the deal with sony it's i think it's gonna happen and then a couple weeks later it's happening and i see all the announcements it's exciting you know i had a talk show on facebook for a little while yeah it's exciting stuff and then you put your whole life into one thing and then it's over now you've transcended where you were before because of the skills you acquired and the opportunities you created for yourself and you've sharpened your coaching abilities and on camera stuff everything has gotten better but how do you you know what do you think about that well so let me back up three years ago when i was last on the school greatness i had just published the five second rule book your support was was life-changing louis like you literally were the person if i had shimmy down into the kind of barrel of a cannon you freaking lit the match and she shot me i don't know about that you did it oh yeah don't worry well so i you know since then what i what what has happened and this is one of the things that i have i have reflected upon during these last 10 weeks that i've been off the road and i've been working from home which i've loved every single second of everything that i have done since since we launched a five second rule book was in reaction to things that were coming to me so i never sat out and said hey the five second rule audiobook has been a complete uh like record breaker we clearly have an audio audience let's go pitch audible audible came to me which is fantastic um i never i always dreamt about having a talk show but i wasn't out pitching one sony came to me in fact the only reason why we got into courses online courses and we now have more than a half a million people that have taken our courses online um was because success magazine came to me and said let's do a course together remember i was there interviewing you for it oh that was i hated it because what i discovered is i hate being told what to do and so but that gave me the idea oh we should do courses ourselves and so this pause has made me stop and go what do i really want to do and the the truth is i want to go and make the biggest possible impact that i can and i want to collaborate with more people and i want to do events um and i i don't want to be the ceo i'm a terrible leader horrible leader the worst actually um because i'm amazing at coaching i'm amazing at uh creating i'm amazing at reacting i'm terrible at managing people i'm terrible at managing a project i have add i have dyslexia um i'm a bulldozer when i get anxious um we're similar people i know we are that's why we would kill each other if we were roommates or business partners but but i think understanding yourself is really important and so there's a couple things that i've decided number one i'm going to consciously create the next chapter and what is that and i'm um well i'm still in the middle of doing it yeah but you want to advance you want to do these things you're talking about yeah yes and i want to i want to collaborate more with a wider audience of people and i want to build a brand bigger than mel robbins yep i don't want it to just be me i want to build a platform based business that uh reaches more people because here's the thing that has got that got me through kind of the loss of the talk show and the way that i think about things that i hope helps um if you're listening and you're kind of struggling with something um i believe and i went into the talk show saying this to myself because there's a 99 chance based on the history of people that have tried to have a daytime talk show that was going to fail and i went in there saying this i'm not doing this because i expect to have a successful talk show i'm going to put a thousand percent into it so that i have no regrets and i wouldn't change a thing but i'm going into this because i know that there is a skill a person or an experience i am meant to have that will help me for the next chapter that i can't see coming and the experience was number one meeting mindy bourman who um is my executive producer now my business partner and ceo and it was also in working with a team of 130 people and finally being in the right seat on the bus lewis and not having to manage everything but being in your lane yes and having a team and you not being the one doing everything i know that feeling well it's not even that i was doing everything it's that i didn't have anybody managing me right so your mind is gonna go into like opportunity opportunity as opposed to focus mode right and so if you ever wonder why it feels like we're running in circles it's because i'm the one leading us in circles right yeah and and and so it's a very hard thing to spot when you're in the middle of it yep but when i got into a machinery that operated in a way where i was in the right seat on the bus it was absolutely liberating and that was the biggest gift of all and then the third thing is i think the the daytime talk show and being face to face with your audience and having such a big daily audience um it was really amazing to be able to have an impact on a large number of people who feel forgotten because they're a little bit older if they're still watching tv and a lot of the folks who are still watching tv at home during the daytime uh do not have the resources that you and i have and may not have access to therapy or live in a community where it's stigmatized and so having a platform that was reaching people um that really appreciated this kind of content and also working with a really diverse range of experts absolutely incredible so i felt like i was organizing a killer dinner party conversation every day with real people's problems and the world's best experts and so you kind of do a similar thing here on your podcast so i know i want to continue to do that but i'm in the middle of creating it so if i said anything other than i know it's events i know it's more courses i know it's collaborating with more people and getting outside my comfort zone and i also know that as i set out to to write down what i want to do there is so much freaking fear that i have why is that because i think because i still feel like i'm not worthy i feel like i don't deserve it like it's old and i think that's the other thing about patterns everybody is just because you identify and for me as a kid for whatever reason i have my own version of feeling invisible and feeling like i'm not good enough and so my way of coping both with my anxiety and being a survivor of sexual abuse and um and wanting love which we all need is i was like an overachiever and so i'm the kind of person that's super busy and a go-getter because it got me attention and if i was the one that was super busy and achieving i not only got praise but it also insulates you from other people not picking you because you're the one in a leadership role doing the picking right and so there's a part of me at the age of 51 that is realizing that you know this these feelings of feeling unworthy and this hyper drive to try to achieve it's all coming from a place of feeling inadequate or like what i'm doing is not enough and so at 50 having the talk show having a best-selling book having the audible originals having the platform everywhere having the impact is still don't feel being the most booked female speaker in the world like you still don't feel so stupid it's annoying and human beings are annoying we are stuck with this wiring like if you think about it like all of the crap you believe is probably a hangover from age 0 to 10. that as adults we walk around thinking the same stuff we thought as kids and i can't stand that i feel that way but knowing it it allows me to catch it before it has me before it stops me from having an event or writing that next book or taking a risk what do you think the biggest fear is because you say you say not worthy or not feeling enough is that i mean it's just people liking me i think like uh you know being a people pleaser yeah um we're so similar in every way it's crazy it's great um i you know what i don't like you it's lonely dude hmm what happened to the price what happens if 99 percent of people like you and one percent doesn't like you oh i don't get about that okay but if it's like if it's 50 50 i think that the work that we all have to do every single one of us whether you bulldoze whether you people please whether you avoid conflict whether you're impulsive whether you uh yo-yo your decisions uh whatever it is that is your pattern you know you the the constant trashing yourself i think the the the journey of your whole life is figuring out how to truly like and love yourself it's so true i mean i remember this was my whole life was never loving myself and needing to go prove to others originally that i'm worthy this would have happened in sports and business until i started opening up and accepting myself and and taking off the mass when i turned 30 talking about sexual abuse and just kind of saying screw it i don't care what people think about me anymore this pain inside is hurting so much it's not worth living with it so i'm gonna start sharing and allow myself to heal and allow myself to finally love myself and it's so funny that we could just write a book with two words that says love yourself and that's all the book needs to say because a lot of us never remember to love ourselves remember to acquire skills which are important remember to love other people remind ourselves to take care of our health but if we don't love ourselves internally if we don't think we can give ourselves a hug because we're not deserving of it then none of this stuff is going to matter to the point of we're always going to need to do more to feel something right well nobody teaches you how to do it and see that's the thing and you know i mean if you look at human development we're the only species that literally can't survive without another human being taking care of you and so we are biologically hard-wired to bond with other people and that is the ver from the very beginning of when you come out bonding with somebody else and making sure they pay attention to you is your survival imperative so you are born needing somebody else and i think what ends up happening is there's never that kind of clean break or pass off between needing your parents to take care of you needing your friend's approval to fit in to truly having ownership over giving yourself what you didn't get giving yourself what you needed and that's the piece that i've been doing a lot of during the the great pause is slowing down because so much of my busyness was fueled by uh you know praise me love me am i doing enough you know please tell me i'm doing okay okay i can breathe now i'm okay now and when i slow down and maybe it's a function of the anxiety that's when things get scary because that's when you've really got to be with yourself and so it's in getting off the road slowing down recognizing that i'm super grateful for all the opportunity and i know the work that i'm doing makes a tremendous impact and i particularly love hearing from mental health practitioners that the five-second rule i've heard from so many people in inpatient psychiatric words lewis that use the five-second rule in the videos we put on youtube in their group counseling sessions with people and knowing that it is helping so many people it is like the greatest gift on the in on the planet to know that it's making a difference but i know that in this next chapter that i consciously create i want to have more fun i wanna i really wanna love the process yeah i don't wanna make it so hard on myself and be gripping everything so tight and it's really easy for me to see it in other people because i know what it feels like in here i'm working hard to break the patterns that still hold me back and the big one that holds me back is bulldozing before we continue this video make sure to subscribe below and turn on the notification bell right now so you don't miss out on these great videos every single day i never had any dreams when i was a kid i think the area i grew up in we were so poor things were so rough but you've got to remember that was during the great depression in the 30s i mean there's not too many people in life that lived through that yeah anymore and we didn't have dreams we just get by was the deal right now when i started to rethink and grow rich i was 26. that's when i started to really dream and what do you think is the most powerful principle in the book obviously there's a lot of them for you what's the thing that stood out there's a number of them but imagination is you know and and i had learned see i was studying many things at the same time our higher faculties um school teaches nothing about them you can many seminars don't teach you much about them and we talk about you becoming what you think about but there's you've got to go further than that most people live through their senses because we're programmed to do that literally we're programmed genetically and then environmentally to go by what we hear see smell taste touch but you know i have an animal i have a dog at home that can hear see smell taste touch all animal life operates through senses we've been created in god's image we have these higher faculties we are creative beings literally we have perception the will reason imagination memory and intuition they're they're the faculties that make us separate from everything else like all the other little creatures on the planet are completely at home in their environment we're the only creature that's totally disoriented in our environment and that's because we've been given the faculties to create our own environment right but we've never been taught how to use them now we teach that in our company we teach how to develop your perception the will you change your perception you change your life yeah you know and the will um when john kennedy asked dr von braun what it would take to build a rocket that would carry a person in the moon bring him back safely to earth von braun said he answered him in five words he said the will to do it now many people would hear that do not really understand what he said the ability to hold that picture on the screen of your mind and nothing else because the will is what gives you the ability to concentrate energy flows to and through you through concentration you increase the amplitude of vibration when the energy leaves you that's how absentee healing's done through the will you know a practitioner will hold the idea and they'll have the subject relaxed be very quiet they transfer that thought right into the person's subjective mind and so it affects the body yeah well the will is very important so we've got to understand these things you know intuition i can walk by a person and like i could tell as soon as i walk in the room i know exactly what you're like you operate you probably studied this but you operate from almost evenly between the right and left hemisphere of your brain you've got an interesting mix in your personality yeah i don't know if you know that but sure you know i could feel that um you're almost an even balance between the two and you know as i say that i'm trying to figure more one than the other and they don't think you are um well your intuition will do that because your intuition is a mental faculty that picks up vibration and translates it in your mind it's through intuition that you get answers to your questions like you asked a question the opposite side of question is an answer it's the equal and opposite side so our answer comes with our question but we're not tuned in to to pick it up you know like every question is an answer well the imagination of course it's it's everything yeah so you get these higher faculties and you get using them and i started to learn how to use these and i started to see that we've got so much gold for us that we never hear about school doesn't teach us our parents don't teach us you go to work for a company they don't hate you so the odds of learning it are really slim you know and it's the reason there's so few people that really are successful in life there's all kinds of material around on success my goodness there's there's more around today than there's ever been yeah self-help books are you know top of the best sellers lesson a crossing yeah you know in 1968 when i started 61 when i first started to study this you had norman vincent peels power positive thinking you know how to win friends and influence people by carnegie it was a few books you know thinking grow rich but there weren't that many today there's thousands of them yeah people need that because they don't know how to use the tools that we have but they don't know how to use the information that's in the books right how do we so what are these five faculties again you said your perception yeah intuition the will reason reason yeah imagination there's six and memory like everybody has a perfect memory it's just weak i worked with harry lorraine who probably had the best trained memory in the world and i asked him one time he said harry how long do you remember something she still don't want to forget it hmm we had a man abdul over from saudi arabia for in a matrix seminar that we conduct and he was teaching he was a psychiatrist he was teaching people to memorize the quran jerry lucas basketball player he was teaching people in san fran to memorize the bible we have a perfect memory it's just weak we never develop it right but we grow up in such a bad memory well there's no such thing as a bed the more you say it the more you're going to convince yourself that it's weird jack yeah which uh faculty of the six was the uh the hardest for you to tap into and they're all they're all difficult to tap into because we're programmed not to use them why is that because there's only one problem in the whole world and that's ignorance we didn't know we had them see people talk about perception but they don't see it as a mental faculty you know it's just a word [Music] if i have a challenge there's something really struggling with i've learned how i'll take and i'll write it out on a piece of paper as clear as i can as if i was going to give it to you and then you'll understand the same as i understand the problem i'll put it in the middle of a table and i'll sit and look at it and i'll keep asking now is that problem in me or is it on the paper is it in me and i'll work until i get it on the paper get it out of my cell for example what do you mean like a problem that you might well anything that i'm i'm trying to figure out maybe how to improve a particular seminar i'm just not happy with i've been doing it for a long time you know so you would write down yeah write down the problem that's the problem you've got i don't care what the problem is maybe you're short of money you're not having enough money write that down right you know you you're short of money for a purpose you were wanting to buy a building or something so you look at them you look at the paper and then you ask yourself is the problem in me or is it on the paper and you work until you get it on the paper get it out of yourself so you can look at it objectively like a stranger would and then go and set the other side of the table am i saying uh okay you know how would lewis house look at this yeah how would he handle this i may go sit at the end of the table and literally move physically and say how to relate you'll handle this how would he see this i might say how would napoleon hail go somewhere else and then a person doesn't have to be alive they could be dead their energies not dead it's always here and well what you're doing is shifting your perception as you change your perception you eliminate the problem the answer's there but you've got to get in harmony with it you know so any one of them you take any one of them um the will like we were talking the will if somebody's standing behind you behind you let's say in a mall and they're staring at you you feel them staring at you don't you yeah why feeling is constant is conscious awareness of vibration and when a person's staring they're concentrating they're sending such a powerful charge of energy at your brain that you start to feel it you turn around sure as hell there's somebody there staring at you concentration increases amplitude of vibration there's a power flowing to and through us all the time it never stops you photograph the energy leaving the body well concentration increases it makes it more powerful so whatever you concentrate on you're giving more energy to emerson said the only thing can grow is a thing you give energy to so as you start to learn how to utilize these higher faculties you start to learn how to improve the quality of your life and you start to see why you're god's highest form of creation you know it's like i don't see god as a man on a cloud right just going to answer my questions for you you know because great author one time said god will feed every bird but he's not going to put food in their nest you've got to do it you know god's not going to do it for us we got to do it yeah and so we've got these higher faculties we've got to learn how to utilize them which one was the hardest for you to learn how to utilize and which one do you think is the hardest for the majority of people intuition was for you and everyone no not for me intuition for everyone else yeah um because i made up my mind i was going to study that one i said it was very intuitive and i wanted to be like that and i thought it was you know i would have said when i first saw it he was psychic well the truth is he was psychic but we're all psychic psyche is just greek word for mind and so i was fascinated with what he did he could just look at you and read the situation and i want to learn how to do that yeah so i i made a man i was going to study it and in a seminar if i'm teaching this the one thing everybody wants to know how do you develop your intuition because you can get intuition is a feeling that you pick up intuition reads feeling feeling is conscious awareness of vibration so you're reading vibration vibration is the natural law of the universe like your body vibrates your vibration by high speed of vibration well you've got to take your mind off yourself if you're going to read the other person's energy you've got to focus on the other person you can't be insecure when you're trying to be intimidated oh no you can't he's doubting yourself you can't be lacking something you have to give all of your attention to the person you're working with yeah and of course that's the secret for speaking too you know most people don't do that we're we're more concerned what's he think of me does he does she like me and that was my tie straight is this what am i going to say now yeah what am i going to say i'm going to say the right thing my you know you got to take your mind off yourself totally and put it on the other person and you're going to be relaxed you got to get very relaxed well you'll tune into their energy you start to feel it like if you're with somebody and you say cut they were interesting why were they interested because they were interested you know you want to be loving be lovable if you want to be loved be lovable if you want to have friends be friendly the most interesting person in the in the room is the most interested person in the room exactly that's what i always learned that's the truth one of the things i used to be i love everything you're saying i get so excited that's why i'm passionate about this because i was telling you beforehand that i was terrified to speak in front of a few people in front of an audience of three five ten it was terrifying the idea of being in front of a hundred or a thousand people was like i'd rather you know curl up in a ball when i was uh 18 22 in those ages and i remember someone telling me i heard that somewhere the most interesting person in the room is the most interested i said that takes all the pressure off of me i don't have to say anything interesting i don't have to be like this funny charismatic you have to be interested just listen yeah and ask interesting questions or ask a thoughtful genuine question it doesn't have to be smart just see most people they don't even remember the person's name yeah why because they're not interested in their name they're too focused on themselves what does a person think of me if you're really interested you're going to remember the person's name yeah do you know it's interesting you mentioned there there's a good story either with that about public speaking i had studied this stuff for a long time and i had used it i knew it worked i didn't wonder if it worked i knew yeah yeah and all i wanted to do was teach it to other people it took me nine and a half years to figure out why i changed and when i learned all i want to do is teach it to other people but i was afraid i was very shy very self insecure yeah very insecure but i had all this knowledge i was earning a lot of money in there you know i did well outside of there forget it and on one of our night gills tapes on the recording called the magic word on attitude it's so funny you're familiar with it oh let's check it out you've got it yeah i will get an original copy and send it oh please do it got it you've got it i'll listen i will send it well he said now right there's an on attitude he said now right here we come to a rather strange fact we tend to minimize the things we can do the goals we can accomplish and for some equally strange reason we think other people can accomplish things that we cannot because you want to realize that you have deep reservoirs of talent and ability within you now if you had asked me do you understand that i'd say of course i understood i've listened to it a thousand times at least well i was in the back corner of the room at the o'hare hyatt bill gove was speaking to a thousand people i was in the back corner of the rim and i was watching him bill gove was the frank sinatra speakers one of the best speakers in the world and i watched him he come off there was a thousand people about 500 bank here 500 here and then there was a central aisle he got to this corner he had a handheld mic and he had his hand up and he said if i want to be free i've got to be me not to me i think you think i should be not to me i think my wife thinks i should be not to me i think my kids think i should be if i want to be free i got to be and i was watching him and think my god this guy's so good if only i could do that i could never do that all of a sudden that record of earl started to play in my head now right here we come to a rather strange fact we tend to minimize the things we can do the goals we can accomplish and i thought damn that's what a role means and i suddenly realized and i had been listening to this thing for years if golf could do it i could do it and i made up my mind i was going to learn how to speak like he did and i was going to get him to teach me wow and so he became a mentor of mine i paid him a lot of money just to sit down talk to him for a few minutes a number of times now i speak nothing like bill right i mean i'm nothing like him he speaks totally different than me although i'll speak to thousands of people at the same time what he taught me was to be relaxed in front of the audience that was the big lesson if you're not relaxed in front of an audience the audience will know it how do you relax in front of an audience when you're terrified you've got to think of the audience you've got to think of how you're going to what you're helping how you're going to teach them something another mentor of mine a couple years ago told me very something similar because i was i've been training in toastmasters and had coaches and had overcome a lot of my fears of speaking in front of big crowds and you know i got pretty good i was getting paid you know big fees and things like that but i was still nervous a little bit before and felt a little insecure and i remember calling him about 15 minutes before being like can you give me some grounding can he use some coaching and he said don't make it about you make it about them you're gonna mess up be okay with it you're not gonna remember every word you wanna say don't beat yourself up focus on them and how you can serve don't focus on yourself and that's when everything started to shift just like you said when you focus on service to the audience you gotta fall in love with helping that audience helping giving uh doing whatever you can to serve you stop worrying about everything the way you look it's the same thing when you're having an interaction with a group of people and you're just listening and you're not worried about what people think about you you're just being interested in them you've got a very confident feeling in what about what you're doing you know how do people build that confidence if they don't have it well you build confidence by learning don't you i mean that's the only way you get confidence yeah i went to a a nightclub in london england back in the 60s and the talk of the town it was the largest supper club in the world and the show they had was the wild wild wild west wild wild west and it was like a vegas show and they'd bring in that show may run for two or three years they'd bring in the stars to work it and i went one night and i had a seat right by the stage there was a thousand they'd send a thousand people down to dinner in the talk of the town it's not open anymore wayne newton was the star wow wayne newton was a kid he was 20 maybe 21. his brother was playing with him playing guitar in a little group of hits he walked out in that stage just like that he owned that place i never forgot that that guy was so confident and he had that audience in the palm of his hand right away whenever i go to speak i will find a place if i'm speaking to a group maybe go in the kitchen sit down i've learned if you're dressed they'll think you own the place they'll just leave you alone and i sit down there and um i see wayne newton on that stage as a kid that's what you gotta do you gotta really fall in love with the idea helping the audience and you own the place you want and you're going to be and delivered and anytime you see a star come out they own the place when they walk out but they've fallen in love with helping you something else it sounds like you've mastered the power of alter ego for me as an athlete i used to be scared to perform to play in front of big games and i used to tap into jerry rice because i was a wide receiver and jerry rice was you know the best and so i was just like mimicking him i was like how would jerry rice do this how you know how did he carry his body his chest how did he walk on the field his swagger his confidence and i just acted like i was jerry rice i became him when i stepped in the field and it helped overcome the insecurities of the nerves by just embodying the energy of jerry rice it sounds like you've been doing that i do that in different ways with different people yeah in different scenarios right yeah like in years ago i started to realize the real power of self-image um studying malts's work and i will um and i've taught this for many people i will build an image uh different parts of my personality i will see someone that i really something they do that i really admire the way they do it and i will adopt that now i've got this i've been doing this for years and if you were to watch me going from one place tonight i never walk fast never when i was a kid this stuck in my mind there was another kid donny miller lived down the street from us now this was during the second world war so there were no fathers at home they were always shooting at each other and but his dad was home he wasn't his dad wasn't well his dad had had a heart attack so nobody went around his house because his dad was sick they'd come around the other houses but some the doctor must have told his dad to walk his dad was always dressed shirt tie and i'd watch him walk up and down the street i'd see him every now and then he'd walk up and down the street he had this real relaxed walk about him and when i was building stuff it was a picture of his dad stuck in my mind and so i sort of mimicked his walk wow you know but i've done different things like um i used to watch earl nightingale record when i first went to work for him he had a recording studio it'd be like this where there was a window my office i could look in when he was recording and one day i realized he's talking to that damn microphone right here there's a microphone he was it and i thought that microphone's a person to him now you created all great broadcasters they just talk to one person they might say you people or you folks or talk to you but they've been talking and i realized he's talking a microphone so and in that recording i talked to one person it's a microphone if one was audience i talked to one person mm-hmm these are just little lessons that i picked up to get better at what i was doing i remember if a person is negative in an audience real negative there could be 500 people in that audience that one person's energy is so strong it stands out yeah and there was a woman that i met beverly lynch years and years ago when i was at night girl uh conant and i asked her one time i said she was the speaker and beverly what are you doing there's negative person in the audience she smiled and she said she talked to the light not the dark i thought wow so obvious why'd i miss that so if i'm talking about there's an even negative or a few native i just take one person that's super positive and doesn't matter where i'm looking that's the person i'm looking at mm-hmm protect that person so you focus on the positive people ah always always yeah never take advice from anybody you wouldn't cherry places with criticism is a form of advice but you're afraid to tell people how to do stuff so you just criticize what they do some people and then they get it becomes an addiction for some people criticism is not a great behavior i know you've heard the phrase nobody's doing better than you will ever criticize

Channel: Lewis Howes

Views: 293,370

Keywords: Lewis Howes, Lewis Howes interview, school of greatness, self help, self improvement, self development, personal development, success habits, success, wealth, motivation, inspiration, inspirational video, motivational video, success principles, millionaire success habits, how to become successful, success motivation, jordan peterson, david goggins, rich divney, bob proctor, never be lazy again, productivity tips, destroy laziness, how to get more done, mel robbins

Id: nwZhqeFrJVg

Length: 124min 39sec (7479 seconds)

Published: Sun May 23 2021