The worst mega tank Germany ever designed - The P1000 Ratte

barging like this i uh would have had your secretary buzz you but she uh ran past me on the way out of the foyer screaming so i thought you're the red army did you bring the petrol red army oh no no they won't be here for god hours come on lance bring the board in no i'm here for our bi-weekly wonder weapon meeting it's not a bad time is it man fuhrer oh i love wonder weapons though i was planning on getting married today i suppose i've got time to do both yeah maybe just there's great thank you for it's um right must be getting you back to the front haven't we it's uh just up the stairs first door on your left that is of course unless they've broken through our defenses in which case it's just up the stairs really i don't look so scared for it do you want an iron cross yeah there we go here have an iron cross remember soldier whilst you're up there holding back the tanks of the red army we'll be right below you finishing these wonder weapons they'll secure us a fantastic victory from the jaws of defeat tell me major how is the new long barrel stronger there looking oh yeah yeah about that funny story and uh this is a cracker the uh that's at the factory right and uh you won't believe what happens next allied bombing raid starts well i you might believe that but in all the panic one of the workers drops the gun on the floor bends the barrel up shot is it uh shoots his own corners now ah fantastic the fuhrer bunker must have one it could be very useful oh yeah doesn't do stairs though yeah not what i was thinking this bend could you make it go 180 degrees oh all right yeah we'll uh look into it same before goes to plan yeah anyway um moving on my fuhrer the anti-tank dog program hit a bit of a snag really um right out of the gates ah all the soviet tanks have already been destroyed oh yeah no no it turns out we can't get any dogs in berlin they've all been uh eaten instead of dogs have we tried strapping our men to the bombs oh i think you mean the me163 rocket interceptor minefield yes they have been causing quite a bit of a stir which is bad news actually because uh the fuels don't mix well so they keep exploding good news is they were out of fuel so losses are down this week not all doom and gloom hey anyway if that's everything i've got a bit of a loaded schedule today that is unless you've got any tank designs for me to look at um no no new tanks in development we've uh got no uh steel oh well i suppose i'll see you in two weeks sure that is of course unless you want to design one by now ah i thought you said we had no steel um yeah no i think i misspoke when i said design one right now what i meant was design one right now well one tank can make the difference look at villas pekage yeah bloody villas parkage this could be villas buckage 1945. we've just got to crew this one tank with our most elite panzer aces oh yeah that could be uh tricky you know panzer divisions they've been dismantled well what's michael whitman doing these days oh whitman yeah no yeah he was very good wasn't he yeah no he's been very dismantled scattered ashes over northern france not deliberately you understand no i think if we're gonna crew this tank we're gonna have to think old school yes the old school behind where the bakery was most of them have probably been evacuated but i'm sure we could cuddle together a squad of eager young recruits well i was gonna say old men but i suppose they eat more than children don't they so economically speaking great idea thing is the red army is quite big isn't it yeah it is so this tank is gonna need to be quite big and heavy to take it on hmm yeah yeah big i love it how many uh how many tons of my fuhrer go on pick a number any number a ton for every year of the reich i thought you said you wanted a heavy tank a thousand tons for a thousand year rake oh yeah of course thousand tons no sounds great yeah um oh just one thing um it's a lot of armor it's not gonna be able to go over bridges oh that's fine there aren't any bridges in berlin oh yeah yeah i miss those uh just a lot of roads though until it drives on them scorched earth tactics right the enemy won't be able to flank us if there are no roads to flank us on yeah now to see over the berlin skyline i've calculated it's gonna have to be 11 meters tall 11 meters wow really um you don't get out very much do you all right look devil's advocate it's gonna stand out a bit amongst the rubble um the enemy are gonna spot it from quite a long way away like novgorod and they'll run in the opposite direction oh yeah of course so don't get hit by their own air support i oh we're gonna need to get this some serious anti-aircraft guns guring has assured me that we'll have complete air superiority when we launch our new summer offensive now rolling our way to moscow we'll use a lot of fuel right so what we've conquered red square we should thrust south and seize their oil fields brilliant strategy as always the general's gonna love that oh anyway i'm gonna stick some anti-aircraft turrets on there just in case some of their air support makes it through what about verbal wind turrets oh yeah we've got plenty of them lying around haven't we i mean they're in used condition but they work well they would if we had any ammunition wow this thing's like a land battleship and not like that steaming pile of ship the bismarck what a lot of crap that turned out to be hey there's an idea we could take a gun turret off the ganacer now and put it on this tank the guns have a heavy cruiser yeah oh you're crazy what i meant you're brilliant yeah well draw it then yep now when it comes to building this monster i want the best workers germany can muster yeah they're great once they get their bread you'd love them well you might not but you know there's very little sabotage these days brilliant fire up the factories let's build a prototype slash final version oh yeah just one last little inconsequential thing one fuhrer um we are still a bit low on steel as it happens um so i best fly to sweden asap you know secure some iron ore in fact i might go right now you know no time like the present okay sounds good i came up with a name by the way all right great um i'll leave this with you yeah see you later ethnic hater i'm gonna call it the p1000 land cruiser i don't give a rat's ass mate what's that something about a rat oh in that [Music] of all shanks maybe my name is detective inspector jacques patisserie we've received a number of reports of people seen entering this premises and never coming out again i'm here to search the building you can't go in the bathroom yes hmm but what if i need a wee it's my wife she's in there and there's a public toilet around the corner anyway yes but i don't have any money hang on have you not heard of curve curve what's that curve oh it's great it lets you confine your whole wallet into a single app including your loyalty cards so you only have to carry one card with you it's not a bank exactly but it sort of supercharges your existing bank accounts like hsbc and monzo with added rewards and benefits oh it will only take you a minute to sign up to curve was there to duck to tip on his mouth and you get instant cash back with all your favorite retailers like amazon steam and b and q it's just money back into your account no strings attached and within your end embarrassment feature you don't have to worry about maxing out your cards either if you've not got the money on one account it'll just swap seamlessly to another one no yes yes trevor that sounds very good uh what does the uh catch catch i've never caught anyone ah you can get a breakdown of all your balances across all your accounts and see what you've spent so you can keep on top of all your finances honestly it's changed my life i used to get so nervous buying gifts for all my friends but now they can't move for presents it's like they never want to go home well that seems very good i'm going to head back to this station and get that downloaded there's obviously nothing untoward going on here where do i sign up well it's available on android and ios and if you download from the link in the description you'll get five pounds for free when you add a card and make your first purchase however small it is it's free money bun msd oh thank you officer yeah we will show time [Music] you

Channel: Squire

Views: 1,297,275

Keywords: Tanks, WW2, World war 2, German, Germany, German Tanks, Panzer, Best tanks, Biggest tanks, P1000, Rat, Ratte, Wonder Weapon, Squire, SquireFlyer, Comedy, Sketch, Funny, Maus

Id: swhqEbQPt9s

Length: 10min 9sec (609 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 18 2021