The Truth About Gastric Sleeve Surgery : Lavell Crawford

you know in the midst of it you know like I talking about the new look Ain funny you know one the thing about it was the new look you know I had you know people say what's your secret Lille what you get you know I gave her sh for three months you know that's a hell of a giver sh like crack man you you get that [ __ ] up boy you right now boy sell some ass for a Twinkie I give a you I ain't really say that but I'm just saying but you know but you get you get you get in the thing where I lost like 70 lbs you know doing that sugar is a hell of thing plus you know I had diabetes I was on drugs the medicine and all that [ __ ] and I wasn't taking my diab medicine right I was taking it with sweet tea you know but uh but the thing about it was you know I you know I I did a lot of things but you know I I had weight loss surgery and people say oh that's a cop out I said [ __ ] I had a gastric sleeve dog you ain't never been in no surgery you know I had to get half my damn stomach cut out just losing damn weight that's some [ __ ] you know and you got to be mentally ready for that [ __ ] cuz you can't yourself up you know like man I got half a stomach back I still eat a half a turkey no slow your ass down know it ain't like that I mean I used to get my my stomach down near the size of twinkie I us can eat a whole box of twinky now I can eat one piece of the twinkie and put the rest in my pocket but you know I was in that surgery man and I don't like surgery man I did I went to the doctor so I won't have to go there something [ __ ] no more and and I went in there with that surgery man and that [ __ ] that's a mission for your ass when you go in there cuz they don't you know when you go in surgery almost like man you be scared like you going to wake up and you a white man inside you controlling your ass like on get out you running and [Music] [ __ ] what the hell am I eating hummus [Music] for but but but I mean they be so so you know in the hospital they so you know they give you these little [ __ ] little nurses that talk to you and I mean they great you know they talk to you and they just hype you up like this lady she was hi I'm Stephanie I'm your anesthesiologist and we're going to take you down we're going to give you a little bit of sedative at a time because when we did some x-rays on your heart we found that you wasn't getting proper blood flow but we're going to still sedate you I said uh [ __ ] no you're not no you [ __ ] if I'm almost going to die you going to kill my ass just hold up where the doctor at this some [ __ ] [ __ ] you better not put me on it and I thought I was still cussing her ass out I don't know what they give your ass in there but I woke up she was gone I was like and furore bit [Applause] [Music] what oh my God where' she go she's been gone for 4 hours 4 hours what did y'all do to me do I still got my dick I know it's little but it's all I got oh please don't take my dick and I was in pain like a mother I was in pain my stomach is hurting and [ __ ] and I was like man y'all trying to kill me man I was going through he said sir we going to give you some pain medicine what we going to give you they gave me something this [ __ ] called Lura now you know what that [ __ ] [Applause] is I ain't never did crack but I realized I took that lower tab let me tell you something I just came out of surgery about an hour ago I out of surgery and I took that l t i ready to up everybody I don't give I'm ready [ __ ] I had surgery my stitches up [ __ ] hit me in the St I ain't ready I'm gangster but it were off in 20 minutes why that [ __ ] punched me but I take that ler Tab and I was getting hooked on it I was getting hooked on that [ __ ] so bad I started having nightmare that I was selling ass to get loyal child I was selling man [Applause] [ __ ] I had a horrible nightmare that had a g drink on with some fish in that stock Hey Big Boy want to hook you up for some Laura T no I woke up checking my ass and [ __ ] I can't do that [ __ ] no more I had to get out that [ __ ] quick cuz that [ __ ] was addictive man it was addictive and and but I every time I come in pain I just take a little sip but I was out there bad man and I was out there bad and I and I you know they wouldn't give me no food man you couldn't eat that's how you lose all that damn weight you can't eat for damn near 24 hour cuz they got to make sure the surgery stuff and they got the glue and the tape and the Staples on your ass and I'm sitting there like oh [ __ ] I'm hungry I'm thirsty I'm so thirsty oh God I'm so thirsty and I and I had this nurse and I called her my white angel nurse and she she was so sweet and she was like I was like hello white angel nurse I'm so thirsty white angel nurse I'm about to pull my IV out and just drink it I I got to drink something can I get a cool glass of ice water I'll do anything you want s sell my ass I'll do anything she's like Mr Cofe you can't drink anything because you has surgery but I can put some ice water on some sponges and you can swab it on your lips I said oh please and when she gave me these squads I'mma keep it real with you I was gay for five minutes I was sitting there like I deep throated this [ __ ] and I forgot I had a gag reflect and and and and I thought I was by myself next thing know I must have been doing it so well the janitor outside like he he had his pants down God damn boy that boy made me bust [Applause] up what the you doing out here doing good now boy I'll be back to clean your room personally like oh no somebody sting my door and I knew I had to get the out there then man I knew I had to get the out there then when that that damn damn old man was in there I had to get my [ __ ] together and I was so you know cuz a hospital ain't a place to be man I hate being in hospital man it's so lonely and I'm in there trying to get some sleep they don't never let you rest I'm in there trying to sleep it's 2:00 in the damn morning here this lady come out of the Shadow I'm hallucinating I like oh my God are you the death angel she said no I'm Dr Teryaki how are you I'm like I said your name ain't no damn Dr terak am I am I hallucinate now am not at a Panda Express what kind of [ __ ] is this she said Mr craford my name is Dr Jer Yak I'm here to check on you I'm here all night I'm here to check on you I write my name on the board I said okay Dr ter y if you can give me one of them sponge ice them ice them ice water sponges I really appreciate it and make sure that janitor don't know about it [Music]

Channel: Laugh Society

Views: 79,164

Keywords: comedy, comedians, humor, Comedy Dynamics, stand up comedy, funny, comedy video, comedy central, laugh factory, just for laughs, stand up, best comedy, best comedian, entertainment tonight, lavell crawford, lavell craford thanksgiving, better call saul, lavell crawford stand up, lavell crawford momma said, lavell crawford white friend, stand-up comedy, LaughComedyDynamics, Lavell Crawford - Home For The Holidays, LavellCrawford - New look same funny, LSOSCD0094

Id: usLke39BaS0

Length: 7min 39sec (459 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 19 2024