The Transformed Wife Wants to Rip Apart My Family

hey everyone my name is Rachel and today we are looking back at the blog the transformed wife written by none other than Lauri Alexander oh I dunno I'd start scrubbing her I was gonna like come up with some summary she is very old-fashioned in her views she is a very conservative Christian woman I think she is incredibly sexist she's definitely homophobic probably transphobic too and but I haven't come across that one in her posts yet at least it's probably in mentem she is back at a time with another person telling women exactly how to live their lives and then bitching about the people who don't do it exactly her way you know in typical Lori Alexander form once again she is complaining about life choices that aren't by any means in her inherently evil you know she's not complaining about people who hurt other people who live in steal she's not even talking about people who litter this time she has a little vendetta against living with your boyfriend apparently this the worst thing that as young women can do other than you know having tattoos and going to university literally the article ryokan we looking at today is just titled stop living with your boyfriend's exclamation mark she's very serious about this stuff I know a lot of people might look at this video and say oh well you know Rachel you're more a Christian she's not talking to you but let's be honest for a second because Lori is talking to me she's talking to young women all young women and she thinks all young women should be Christians she also opens this article by just addressing younger women not younger Christians not Christian women but young women that includes me she says stop living with your boyfriend's I am a woman who lives with my boyfriend therefore this article references people like me it's talking to people like me and I think I'm well within my rights to comment on the contents of it now I'm not saying everyone in the world should ignore her advice I'm just saying not everyone has to follow it she's not giving you the only way to live there are so many ways to live your life and be happy and be a productive fulfilled member of society you don't just have to do things this one particular way you can live your life in so many different ways there's no one right or wrong and if you want to live with your boyfriend you should be able to do that without be but like Lori Alexander coming along and telling you you're sinning and you're going to hell and you're a bad person and he's gonna leave you for another younger woman because that's literally what she says is disgusting let's get into the article so she does open with this whole typical don't have sex before marriage or you're going to hell bit it's a pretty kind of common thing now amongst Christian bloggers talking to young women she writes sex is wonderful but it was created by God not only to create new life but to be enjoyed and bring pleasure to married couples on the one hand I'm actually pleasantly surprised that she doesn't just go down the whole typical sex is only for babies route because not only do I find that silly but I find it incredibly offensive to people who can't have kids people who don't want to have kids same-sex couples trans people basically every person in the world to some extent basically it's just a very offensive way of thinking but I'm glad she didn't go down that route instead she says that the idea is that sex is only to bring pleasure to married couples and have babies it's just it seems so absurd like let's be completely logical for a second here right let's take all emotion and feelings out of this all right people have been having sex for a long long time before marriage was invented animals have been having sex for a long long time before marriage was invented and before you say anything marriage is a human social construct I have a whole video on the history of marriage and I don't want to go into too much detail here I do have a few more like thoughts and notes on this but I don't this video to kind of get bogged down into them because a few of them are repeating what I said in that previous video so if you want to see some extra thoughts on this bit I'm going to leave some notes and as a kind of patreon only post over on my patreon page basically so if you support me on patreon even if it's just a dollar a month you can go over and find those notes there but what I will say is that let's be honest marriage is nothing more in essence universally marriage is nothing more than a contract you can add extra bits into it if you want you can make it about love you can make it about commitment you can make it about family if you want you can make it into this three-way spiritual thing with God if you want but ultimately throughout time throughout all societies across the world marriage is ultimately a contract and signing a bit of paper signing a contract logically rationally think about it has no impact on sex and even if it did so what as long as it's consensual and all people are above the age of consent as long as people are being safe and not spreading diseases and as long as someone's getting hurt physically or emotionally why is it anyone else's business anyway well we'll move on with this bit this isn't the worst of the article it yes she writes many young unmarried couples today live have sex together before marriage including many Christian ones and think nothing is wrong with it since it's so common short sentence a lot to unpack so one of my big problems with this is I think she's making a big mistake in completely equating living together and having sex couples can have sex without living together couples can even live together without having sex it might not be as common but some couples do it and some couples are happy that way you can't just assume that because a couple is living together they're definitely definitely having sex all the time completely every night every minute of every day a little bit too far she probably doesn't think that but yeah the the other kind of like sort of assumption she's making or inferring or whatever is that people seem to think it's okay to live together because everyone else is doing it and so people think that if other people are doing it I should do it too and it's okay just personally I don't care what others are doing I wouldn't do something just because other people are doing it and I wouldn't think something's okay just cuz other people are doing it I live with my boyfriend I made that choice because it's what's best for me and it's what's best for him I didn't think oh well all my friends are living with their boyfriends so I better do it too who thinks like that no one things like that me and Dan wanted to live together because my best friend's we wanted to live together because it's more fun to spend the days together than it is to spend them apart we want to live together because we get on amazingly and we split chores and work so efficiently as a family unit we wanted to live together because it works better for us financially we want to live together because easier person I can spend 24 hours a day around and not get tired of and he feels the same about me and so we just work together these are all the things that we thought about before we decide to live together and these are all the things we've thought about when deciding yes living together is a good thing for us not just all other people are doing it so it's okay that just didn't even come to mind I feel like so often Lori's writing is just like full of strawman arguments and these weird assumptions and I don't understand why she gets them from it's almost like she doesn't bother talking to real people listening to real people and she doesn't bother to understand the actual and reasons behind why people do the things they do and act the way they do I think she just like I think she probably watches all our soaps and then just thinks everyone acts like the way they do on their like yes in EastEnders there's a lot of bed-hopping and everyone has slept with everyone that's not how real life works like I say it's like she doesn't understand like normal people having normal motivations for things right she writes this bit that says so don't move in with your boyfriend no matter how much he persuades you to do so yeah because it's always the man pushing isn't it is always the man those those silly old men who just want to move in with women and have sex with them and they want nothing else from life men are simply these these 2d objects that lived to be cooked for and cleaned for and sexed on nothing else they don't do feelings or emotions the views are just so outdated and like disgustingly sexist she reduces men to this like caveman stereotype and thinks of them as nothing more and it's really revolting to see she goes on and right once you move in with your boyfriend he has a little reason to ask you to marry him yes because as soon as you and him have the same house key all those feelings magically disappear a little switch goes off in the man brain and he just stops loving you and you know a big party you were planning for your wedding while you were gonna get all your family and friends together and you're both really excited about it yeah he's not excited about that anymore soon as you and him share a house key no more parties you know you said he loved you and cared about you now once you got a house key none of that can you see how ridiculous it is to think this way Laurie goes on and says you were already there to provide all that he needs cook cleaner maybe financial benefit and someone to have sex with him at night I yes because that's all a woman and a wife is ever for cooking cleaning and sex why should he have to take on all the responsibilities of marriage commitment provider protector when he can so easily get the benefits of marriage sex and a woman who helps him for free if this is all you think marriage is about you are a shallow shallow woman relationships and marriage isn't entirely transactional not healthy relationships anyway and man doesn't go into a marriage saying I want a wife because I once want to cook for me I want sort to clean for me I want someone to lick my little peepee every now and again and in return I'm gonna protect her from stuff you make it sounds like the only thing a man has to offer is his physical strength his earning power and he promises he won't sleep with other people what about the aspects of friendship and love caring for each other damn what would she think of mine and Dan's relationship seriously like we both cook we both clean we both take care of our daughter slash dog Kyra we both provide for each other we both share the financial burdens we both protect each other we both love each other it is a very equal you know I don't think our relationship is a transactional thing dan doesn't think of our relationship as a transactional thing like damn what was Laurie think we're really disgusting an unhealthy aren't we I sorry but if Laurie looks at a woman like me and sees nothing more than and I quote a woman who lives to cook clean and have sex with a man for free if that's all she sees when she looks at me that says a lot more about her than it does about me because there's so much more to me than that and there's so much more that Dan sees in me than that no one's getting anything for free there's no deals in our relationship there's no point scoring there's no I'll do this for you but only if you do this for me it's not transactional it's a friendship there's also romantic and we're building a family and a wife the other that's it and this whole idea that like if you move in together and live together and build a life together then all you won't want to marry you anymore it's just ridiculous and silly I mean it makes me wonder like why did you want to get married in the first place what do you think the purpose of marriage is in the first place for me one is an excuse for a party in to wear a pretty dress and two it's just a contract that helps legalize all the other stuff in our lives just because we are already building a life together that doesn't change either one of our motivations for wanting to get married and even so like getting married shouldn't be the end goal of everyone's life or at least every woman's life you make it sound like always a man doesn't want to marry you oh it's a terrible horrible things no plenty of couples live happily without being married marriage isn't a necessity for every couple to be happy it's perfectly okay to not want to be married and to not get married Laurie writes that the longer you to cohabit the more things you'll share rent mortgage utilities furniture pets and sadly illegitimate children it always leads to one of two paths marriage or separation you literally just described every relationship ever what's your point she says when you're highly inevitable breakup occurs you will need to decide who keeps what and who moves out it's hard to decide who keeps what when you've been splitting everything 5050 for years and you can't exactly cut your table in half but it did it again and then and then a divorce is the same thing but worse because now you have legal fees in there as well but seriously inevitable breakup do you know how rude it is to say that you know my relationship apparently is gonna end in a highly enough to fall break up because we're 24 and 25 and can't afford to get married yet so we're waiting awhile I mean I I for one definitely appreciate Laurie here she's telling me all these things I didn't even know about my life from relationship but with her infinite wisdom and not knowing me personally she can see these things that I just can't and I should definitely change my entire life based on her blog here so what should I have done instead to avoid this inevitable breakup well Laurie has some advice for that as she says hopefully you haven't already gone as far as having sex making children together and moving in with your boyfriend oops all of this is foolish behavior and will reap unhappy results why are you guys still watching this video I'm clearly foolish and unhappy find a godly older person who will keep you accountable with your boyfriend seek purity in everything don't spend too much time alone together it's not wise to do so of course the healthiest relationships always always involve you talking to a third person you never go to your significant other like directly with your problems or concerns or worries or feelings no you always want to go to a third person and kind of like cook out the significant other and just like talk to them and then there you can talk to that person like never have direct contact and that's not what you want a third person in the relationship always always helps and makes it less complicated obviously and you never want to spend time alone together because you don't want to know if you two will actually works a couple until after you're married your goal as a Christian is to get married as early as possible pretty much two the first man who comes along usually you just want to jump on him get a ring on him and then jump on him again you know you want to be as young as possible so you've got as much baby-making time as possible it doesn't really matter if you're happy in the relationship after that you don't wanna give it time beforehand to realize you might not like him just get a ring on him and then get on with it if you're not happy just stick with it and then raise your kids with the same beliefs so that they grow up and they have no more freedom than you had they're no happier than you are because you know that wouldn't be fair Laurie writes but women say it's cheaper or we want to see if we want to marry each other or we need to try each other out yeah there are excellent points what's wrong with that maybe you move in together and realize that you know you two have completely different approaches to finances or have to clean the house or I don't know something like that yeah there are things you can do to work around it but in some cases it might just not be something you can fix you might be two different people and marriage wouldn't work for you it's better to find out before that then you sign a contract dead all like legally committed now to pepper in July aspheres lawyers fees later can't speak living together while dating each other is very different than married couples living together now it's not you aren't wondering if you paid for the movie ticket last time or if it's your turn to drive and buy groceries yeah that doesn't happen with me and Dan now and we we live together so we share finances there's no keeping score we just both do everything yeah again I don't know where Laurie gets all these ideas but this isn't how a committed cohabiting relationship works as there's no scorekeeping there's no ideas you knew this and even if it is like that why would that change when you get married you'll always have in your mind that you can leave at any time since there's no commitment which is what true love is this woman's clearly never signed a lease with anyone trust me love we might not be married but we are very committed to each other and I mean there's the simple stuff that might be a little bit alien to you Laurie like actually wanting to be together as loving each other and the fact that we've spoken in depth about our relationship and we're completely loyal to each other just because we want to be I know that's a little bit alien to you you might not understand it these are like human emotions like compassion and caring and love but they are real trust me but yeah on top of that there's illegal stuff too there's the fact that we rent a flat together we pay bills together including things like council tax and all the other utilities on this place we adopted a dog together we finished our flight together I'm the main beneficiary of Dan's life-insurance policy hope we never have to use it and I'm on his health and dental plans and yeah these are all pretty big things you can't just walk away from them you know so tell me again how we are in no way committed to each other I can tell you for a fact neither of us always have it on our minds that we can just leave at any time and even if we did do you know how difficult it would be trust me were probably more committed than some married couples are and then Laurie says this really annoys me she says plus if you've been unfaithful before marriage as much is to be unfaithful once married so just out of nowhere she suddenly starts implying that everyone in a relationship who's living together but isn't married they're gonna be cheating on each other or likely to cheat on each other get lost Laurie and as you say if marriage is freedom freedom from fear of getting pregnant I have that now it's called birth control so what if you're blessed with another baby yes because who cares about overpopulation when you can have another baby and you cares about whether you have the time or the money or even just like the emotional capacity to raise another child properly who cares about that because freedom and marriage freedom from sexually transmitted diseases oh I have that too it's called being a responsible adult who uses condoms and is in a committed monogamous relationship freedom from fear he will just up and leave you with no strings attached again men aren't just looking for an out to any opportunity stop pretending men and he's like stereotypical like caveman who just like run on once sex no men have feelings too men have emotions two men form emotional attachments to people just like women I know I know it's a shock but again I also have this me and Dan have been living together for over two years now and not once I've ever thought he'd just up and leave so tell me again what exactly can marriage offer me that my current cohabiting relationship can't I've yet to see anything other than a chance tour a pretty dress and have a party I really want to wear a pretty dress and also we want to save up money so like I can afford to get my parents to come down and visit and stuff and stay over and I'll be really nice anyway Laurie then goes on to offer some advice and she says save yourself a lot of time and get a female roommate if you aren't living at home anymore I mean you can if you want but mmm I lived with my parents up to being 18 and I moved out and I had a lot of roommates for about four years or housemates as we call them in the UK and I lived in like student flats and stuff like that for four years I also spent about 18 months living by myself in this tiny little studio flat in Oxford and it barely felt like things inside it was a smallest whole thing I was overpaying so much for it but I needed a place to live while I was working and I loved it I loved looking by myself but in my entire 25 years in all the different places I've lived and all the different people I've lived with a couple of things I've realized one male housemates is so much cleaner than females that's just my experience to living by yourself is so much better than living with housemates and 304 everything I would pick living with Dan over anything else I've done let me know down is the best thing I've ever done I never worried about coming home I always want to be here with it it's the most fun I've ever had I've the most gorgeous flat I've ever had I'm happier than I've ever been I have the freedom to do what I want when I want and decorate the place however I want and so does Dan I always know that someone's got my back here and you know maybe if I'm ill I've always got someone to look after me I've also got someone to do like chores and things with me and he makes them more fun and yeah I just I love it why would I ever want to give this up but apparently Laurie says I'm wrong she says if you have already moved in move out if you aren't married move out until you are married not just engaged but married great idea so we'll just give up our beautiful basically dream slap in a really fantastic location it's a perfect size brilliant location tyre is all settled here it's got everything she could need nearby we'll just give that up for two flats that are more expensive and then because we're spending more money each month on two flats and two lots of bills and to lots of council tax and to us of everything to lots of food because of that we won't have as much money to save to put aside for the wedding which means it'll take us longer to get married so basically Laurie wants us to move out from being with each other so that it takes us longer to get married and in that time we have less time to see each other we're not allowed to spend as much time together alone we'll have more tools and stuff to do at home so we won't be spending time together there either so basically longer to get married be more miserable and lonely without each other saving less money so we one buy a house sooner either Kyra's gonna be so upset because you know we'll be apart every night like an Chile they have to say with me or down or you know alternate she's gonna be stressed Lori I'm not seeing a benefit to your plan here oh no but it's okay because she has an answer for that she says you know how hard it will be to separate the stuff you share so do it now while you're still dating and are on good terms with each other imagine having a conversation about how to get your checking accounts back or to just your own name when you need his signature oh who gets the fluffy dog that greets you every night at the door while you still adore each other now imagine doing that after finding out he found a new girl better do it now right you're a disgusting sexist bitch who thinks so little of both men and women but in this case particularly men so our relationship isn't exactly what you think a relationship should be therefore we're definitely definitely gonna break up and he's definitely gonna find a new girl you think so little of people and it disgusts me people will stay around and say to atheists like oh you don't believe in God so who hurt you you know I say to worry you think so little of men of couples of young people just do you think so little people who hurt you to make you this cynical and nasty and it gets worse right she says I believe if a man doesn't want to marry a woman after a year of dating it may be time to move on especially if she is over 21 years old now me and Dawn have been together for three years and I'm 25 I'm like stale goods I'm old news I'm past my prime and you know Dan does want to marry me apparently but you know apparently were saving money apparently we can't afford a wedding truth is he's clearly just looking for a younger model isn't he the fact she says stuff like this is completely disgusting she is a horrible person actually you know what Reid and stuff like this are we sure Laurie is an actual woman and not just like and male insel in disguise because this is exactly the kind of thing an insult would say like Oh women your past their prime minute ice cream you want like its disgusting stop it normally when I like do response videos and stuff I at least try to find some good in what they're saying but I really stroll to do that with the tram formed wife because she's so judgmental of everyone and so much with what she says just puts everyone else down and thinks the worst of people I just I find it so disgusting and she just she shuts down all this like criticism before people can say it because you know it sounds like well I'm happy now in my life and I'm cohabiting she chose wrong with her stuff like oh well how happy you're gonna be when your man cheats on you and leaves you for a younger girl and like she says it was such a tone of authority that some young women who are a bit insecure about themselves might believe she's right and she's not despite what a lot of religions teach and what books like the Bible teach there aren't these big fundamental differences between men and women women aren't the cooks and the cleaners and the baby makers and men aren't the big strong protectors who just want sex and food and that's not how the world works men or women are different people everyone is unique in every almost different things yeah there might be some women out there who just want to pop out babies and cook and clean there might be some men out there who are you know caveman-esque and all like but mostly they're just normal people with feelings and emotions who want to feel connected to other people and care about other people and don't want their feelings hurt any more than they want to hurt another person's feelings if you want a successful happy relationship don't listen to people like Lori who are telling you to like abide by these age-old stereotypes and you know do this and do this and don't do this and don't do this like forget all that figure out what's best for you when your partner figure out who you are as people what you want in life from what's gonna work for you to talk to each other and communicate and see where you both are emotionally and financially and just in your lives in general people like Lori bring everything back to these stupid stereotypes and that's why she seems to think that same-sex couples can't work hold that you know drugs people don't exist or whatever and she's wrong before I get more mad about this article and her ridiculous ideas I'm gonna end this here pass this over to you ask you what you think of Lori her article what do you think of people who just live with their partners and before getting married or instead of getting married or whatever and let me know your thoughts let me know if you think there's anything in what Laurie has to say and her weird stereotypes I don't know maybe I'm just nice maybe I'm giving people the benefit of the doubt because I want to see the good in people instead of assuming every person is out to cheat and lie and steal from people or whatever and maybe I just want people to be nice and I've been naive I don't know let me know in the comments below but now thank you so much for watching today sorry I was a little bit mad at Lori and her sexism and have weird thoughts about life and dating and everything she does make me angry people like her make me angry but for now thank you for that with a husband you consider thank you so much for watching today a huge thank you goes out to everyone support me on patreon this month including gambit in a chauffeur day Sean McDonough Christian Berg Rachel B Roya cheered and Shepard fix later skeptic Jamie more religious fear sir Michael more lucky minam our sage Valerio I'm Greg glad don't forget check out all my merch vailable over on teespring and subscribe my channel if you wanna see more from me in the future thanks a lot guys you

Channel: Rachel Oates

Views: 110,583

Rating: 4.8785877 out of 5

Keywords: rachel, girl, rachel oates, oates, english, british, english vlogger, atheist, opinion, atheism, skeptic, atheist response, the transformed wife, lori alexander, feminist, relationship advice, marriage advice, bad relationship advice, living together as a couple, men prefer debt free virgins, how to have a good relationship, stop living with your boyfriend, why to live with your boyfriend

Id: RrqkObvqzm0

Length: 27min 41sec (1661 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 25 2018