The Royal Variety Performance 1991

good evening from london and the 1991 royal variety performance from the victoria paris theater you join us as her majesty the queen and his royal highness prince philip the duke of edinburgh arrive at the theater [Music] her majesty is received by the manager of the victoria palace kelvin allen and as her majesty moves into the foyer she's welcomed by lord delfont life governor of the entertainment artists benevolent fund which benefits from tonight's performance lord del font presents uh stephen whaley cohen the owner of this historic theater which first opened in november 1911 since when it's been home to many variety shows and musicals including the crazy gang and currently the hit musical buddy now her majesty meets peter elliott the general secretary of the eabf and chairman laurie mansfield the fund's treasurer peter pritchard and vice chairman philip hinden representing london weekend television managing director greg dyke chairman brian tesla and director of programmes marcus plantin representing the independent television commission chairman george russell chief executive david glenn cross and andrew quinn managing director of granada tv and chairman of the independent television network companies and the honor of presenting the bouquet to her majesty this year belongs to four and a half year old victoria elizabeth morgan and now we make our way into the auditorium where the audience awaits the royal party [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] your majesty your royal highness my lords ladies and gentlemen i have the honor tonight of welcoming you to this the 61st royal variety performance on behalf of the entertainment artists benevolent fund there are at least two requirements for a happy retirement enough to live on and enough to live for the fun tries to provide both as it has for needy members of the profession for over 80 years at brinsworth house the fund's residential home at twickenham a new nursing wing has recently been opened by her majesty queen elizabeth the queen mother that's great news but as sue ryder once said to keep a lamp burning we have to keep putting oil in it and the fun depends in great measure on those who support the royal variety performance our audience here tonight and in particular your majesty whose gracious patronage has been the very cornerstone on which the work and success of this fund has been built and so do the latest news from the entertainment world that a whole spate of remakes are on the way the remakes include john major and margaret thatcher in terms of endearment david ike in postcards from the edge sir jeffrey howe in shaft and the parents of colin moynihan in honey i shrunk the kid here at the victoria palace a show now in its third year has been responsible for a great revival a revival of interest in the music of buddy holly so how better to start the show and to say thank you for the use of the hall than to welcome the highly acclaimed cast of buddy well howdy y'all welcome to 1959. now y'all sit back and have yourselves a good time in here because the big boppers here man and we got boogie look at this here joey we're gonna shake we're gonna rattle girl you better believe we're gonna roll hello baby yeah this is the big papa speaking oh you sweet thing will i what do i what oh baby you know what i like chantelle ladies and a pretty [Music] i'm getting loose now check this out our pizzas i sweeps as i cleanse look at that now you're gonna have to help me with the last line of the song okay simple i'll give it to you right now oh baby what i like and so you got yourself the last line of the song that so you jump on when it comes around in the meantime snap your feet clap your hands all the cartier people down here shake that jewelry yeah gerald rackham's folks up there shake those earrings kids okay here we go clap your hands y'all chantelle santa pretty face [Music] like a long neck [Applause] you got it thank you i'm gonna introduce you to a friend of mine and everybody's buddy the great buddy [Applause] holly [Music] make me want to be with you [Music] the way [Music] crazy [Music] foreign tell me [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] oh [Music] [Music] oh [Music] foreign [Music] [Applause] me [Applause] [Applause] and now here's billy pierce in case anybody comes in it's too late [Music] don't you just love being in control they've cut my gas off it's my turn now to sing for you now an old buddy holly song because there is no new ones i'm gonna tell you how it's gonna be you're gonna give your love to me [Music] no don't tell rush at once i can manage i could have been dead then there's a strong smell of mothballs down here it's only fun i'm a comedian look at him up there spent all day doing his hand then come out without i'll tell it then please please i will tell you when i told you they weren't handcuffed so no it's not you know i opened my mail this morning i had a letter from the reader's digest saying you have not been included in our latest draw and i'll tell you when please it's been pandemonium backstage i'm seeing pandemonium like this since a day down our street when the tv detector van turned up the same time as a poll tax inspector in this i'll tell you when place in this theater the dressing rooms go down instead of up and the lower down you are on the bill the lower down your dressing room is they're giving me a man his lamp and they can hear it still it's nice to have a booking so soon after christmas i'll tell you that i will tell you when please please sorry i don't want to come off he was thrown out of a pub in the happy hour and every president on every dressing room door that put the initials of a famous artist that has appeared on this very stage i'm in wendy craig's this fellow rang the maternity hospital he said my wife is having a baby and she's just gone into labor the doctor said is this our first baby he said no this is a husband when i finish a joke i'll not look like went up to his dad he said dad where are the pyramids is it asking mother she died he went to his mummy said mom how did them buffalo's make love she said i don't know your dad's amazing you know and there's some funny people about this fellow went to the doctor this fellow went to the doctor and said doctor doctor oh i've swallowed a mouth organ the doctor said that's funny we had a woman in this morning she just done the same thing he went ah that must have been our moniker you're supposed to laugh not knock back at me you know i took this girl on once and my dad said he whispered to me and said um she's a bit rough and she i said you are pardon you say well she's a bit rough i said why he said well she's got she's crossed her head got a broken nose cauliflower is warts spots boils pimples varicose veins bunions hump on her back and a brace on the teeth i said there's no need to whisper she's death [Applause] if he was on fire up down 99 do you know i was talking to frank bruno last week me i talked to anybody now i told him straight i just spoke my mind i told him straight i said frank as a boxer you are finished you should know what i said well he finishes a boxing he rubbishes a boxer i said i saw that fight you had with tyson i said you did all right for a while you've got one good punch in i said but you never followed it up tie some cloudy all the way around the ring had a face like a bag of spanners when they'd finish with you i said no wonder you came out the ring after that advertising sauce and doing summer seasons of pantomimes and checking jobs away from people like me who work very very hard in this business sometimes for you and then you have the cheek to go back in the ring with a dutchman who even in his own country has been nicknamed rembrandt because it's always on the canvas i'll tell you when please i'll tell you when now i don't know what he said because i put the phone down i just like saying all serious it's been an honor and a pleasure and you know when i kept saying i'll tell you when well it's now thank you very much miss beverly craven [Music] you light up another cigarette and i pour the wine it's four o'clock in the morning and it's starting to [Music] i'm right get i wanna be losing track of time but i wish that it was still last night you look like you're in another world but i can read your mind [Music] and i will be thinking of you every night and they just promise me you wait for me cause i'll be saving all my love for you i need to know you feel the same i'll be home i'll be home soon when i go away i'll [Music] just promise me you wait for me cause i'll be saving all my love for you promise me you wait for me [Music] you wait for me [Music] and i'll be home i'll be home soon [Applause] ladies and gentlemen mike doyle very much indeed ladies and gentlemen i can't tell you i can't tell you what a thrill it is to be here tonight i'm so glad my mother sent that letter to annika rice well as you can tell by my accent yes yes yes i do indeed come from wales but of course i only live there for tax purposes so tell me about wales i was actually on the phone to my mother today and she said to me something quite interesting she said isn't it strange he said how everybody seems to know all the words of any old song think of an old song and instantly you know all the words but of course that's not what the kids want today is it all the kids want is a beat in both eardrums as loud as possible i'll show you what the kids want [Music] that's where [Music] that's all you want but i've actually got a little ladder of my own two and a half years old his name is thomas he's actually going to grow up thinking that bill haley sung like this one two one two one one one two one two one two one what's it coming to what's it coming to can you imagine what it's gonna be like in about uh 50 years time ladies and gentlemen your partners please for the michael jackson boonwalk one two three one two three i'm dangerous let me know when i get the other end will you [Music] [Applause] i don't want to do it one way i'd like to go forward but there's leaves on the line [Music] well ladies and gentlemen thank you very much indeed i'm a typical western i'm very proud of that and uh whenever we finish doing anything we have to finish with a song and i have chosen this one thank you very much [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] sure [Music] is [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] our thanks to mike doyle wales his answer to max boyce as you probably know colonel oliver north is in town this week so we invited him along tonight but he uh he dropped us a note to say he couldn't come i mean it was a very nice note but a bit difficult to read and there was apologies to from oliver reed that's in case he does turn up good news though today from norman lamont he says the recovery will definitely start in the fifth quarter he says this hasn't really been a recession it was just one of our worst ever booms my favorite political slogan undoubtedly is the monster raving looney party slogan at a recent by-election which i think is logically unanswerable it was why is there only one monopolies commission unanswerable it's now my pleasure to introduce a singer who's appeared many times with both the english national opera and the scottish opera company her roles have included carmen la belle ellen and delilah and she recently appeared in the critically acclaimed west end production of stephen sondheim's into the woods tonight she sings for us the aria one fine day from madame butterfly please welcome anne howard [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] oh [Music] oh [Music] stop [Music] some things in life are bait [Music] other things just make you swear and curse when you're chewing on last gristle dang rumble give a whistle and this'll help things turn out for the best hey always [Music] always look on the light side of life if life seems jolly rotten there's something you've forgotten and that's to laugh and smile and dance and see where you're feeling in the dumps damn these silly chumps just purse your lips and whistle that's the thing always [Music] [Applause] [Music] always look on the right side of life that's it your life is quite absurd and that's the final word you must always face the curtain with a bell forget about your sin give the audience the green enjoy it it's your last chance anyhow [Music] just before you draw your terminal breathe for life's a piece of spent when you look at it life's a laugh and that's a joke it's true you'll see it's all a show just remember [Applause] [Music] [Applause] way [Applause] [Music] [Applause] always [Music] having a good time [Music] [Applause] [Music] all from essex [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] after the break more music and comedy on the royal variety performance [Applause] [Music] the royal variety performance i love it when things go awry don't you marvel i remember when itv sent a reporter to the holy land and he filed a report which began welcome to israel a mecca for tourists and dr phelps once on the bbc said the problem with heart disease is that the first symptom is often sudden death and that's a very hard symptom to deal with and this was from a new york magazine quote important notice if you are one of the hundreds of parachuting enthusiasts who bought our easy skydiving booklet please make the following correction on page eight line seven the words state zip code should have read pool rip call and i must say i was intrigued by this particular classified ad that was in our local paper last week it read quote unused tombstone for sale would suit family called nisbit i don't know how many replies they've had but one of the byproducts of the opening up of eastern europe in the last two or three years has been to provide us in the west with a unique opportunity to experience for the first time an astonishing range of artists and performers of whom we knew little if anything like our next act for instance a group of young musicians from russia who were the surprise hit of this year's edinburgh festival they've flown in especially to be with us tonight so please give a particularly warm welcome to the voronesh balalaika players [Music] [Music] do [Music] so [Music] do so [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] [Music] i've noticed about the management to inform you that they've lost the theater cat if you've seen the auditorium will you please tell somebody of authority it's a nice cat i thought it had one eye then i realized it was walking backwards what a thrill to be the victoria palace what a theater there's something about the atmosphere it reminds me of home it's filthy and full of strangers i'm thrilled to be taking part in this annual theatrical night shift don't worry i won't keep you long i believe one or two you fancy an early [Applause] night that's a shock trip to the tower i have never ever forgotten the last time i appeared on the royal variety show it was a triumph a tour de force a night to remember her imagine to the queen throughout my act had a radiant smile on the face and prince albert fell about it's wonderful actually i should have been here tonight i should have been on a tour and revival of the musical the king and i with madonna but that's a counseling she wouldn't have a head shaved [Applause] yeah it was a disappointment but this has been a year of disappointments because we're all painfully aware this great nation of ours is going through a very severe economic depression not the depression bothers me because i was a failure during the boom it's no good lane to blame anybody's feet it's no good telling the politicians to go to hell because they're building it for us the good news is they're going to install a new toilet in the house of commons and i think they'll be money well spent that's the only place where they know what they're doing the newspapers now today are full of the referendum on europe are we going to become europeans or not and there's even talk now the single euro currency and i think that's a great idea because then we can go bankrupt in seven languages and the banks have had a hard time this year one or two have crashed and my wife was wooded she said you be careful she said which bank you have an overdraft with she said you could lose a lot but what gets me is banks could be more favorable for the small investor i got a letter from the bank last week as soon as i saw the envelope i knew it was from the bank it was pinned to the front door with a wreath i went to see the bank manager they hopped into his office while he helped to do i was kissing his feet at the time in a jocular vein i'll sit down as my account stand he said i'll touch you for it we sat down in his office he said before i could discuss alone he said mr dawson i must ask you have you got collateral i said no it's a way my legs you said you've been to this branch for seven years growling for money and you've never noticed i've got a glass eye i said it's your left one he said how did you know it says with the spark of humanity in it [Applause] it isn't what we can offer europe it's what europe can offer us because we're a volatile talented nation what can they do for us what about the germans their biggest export is measles come on let's be fair they're lousy farmers they spend the time marching through field shelter then there's the french and i personally don't trust any nation that eats frog's legs sorry what horrifies me is if you order frog's legs what happens to the rest of the frog is it doomed to spend the rest of his life going down the kitchen on casters to wake up every morning knowing full whether it jumps out of the question unbelievable tonight there's been a night of tributes and i'd like to add mind if i may to a a great but alas a soft in this country forgotten composer from the north his name was seth bottle club and from halifax and he was the first man to discover that people at prunes are never late for work i would like to eulogize by playing you a piece of music which i think epitomizes his greatness it's a song he wrote was delayed tragically dying at the rochdale black puddings plantation have to say you know this is elai tragically dying thank you [Music] that he died where would you be without a laugh oh i do get the odd smile from an artist but it's usually wind you nearly behind him though a legacy of some great songs here's a song which kept our feet tapping during the dark days of young kirk my auntie funny by mistake put cellopods in a good cake and the only advice that we could give was skip to the lou my dog and who can forget there was a young man from bombay [Music] who sailed to china one day he was strapped to the tiller with a sex-starved gorilla [Music] and shine is a really long way this is the publisher this is the part of the show which i've actually been looking forward to the artist benevolence fund have given me the honor i've introduced you to a lady tonight she's in the balcony who is possibly the oldest living volleyball performer in the country she's never been to a royal show she's so excited and tonight is her birthday her name is pickering and she's 111 years old today let's wish happy birthday on the piano sorry sorry sorry oh she's not under 11 she's ill [Applause] to have a big finish and believe me i've got the biggest ladies and gentlemen the only police [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] so [Music] oh coming next a glittering celebration at the musical world of cameron mcintosh on the royal variety performers welcome back to the royal variety performance where ned sheridan leads us through the spectacular musical world of cameron macintosh the majesty of all highness for lords ladies and gentlemen the story starts with an eight-year-old boy in a kilt bounding down the aisle at the vaudeville theater and demanding that julian slade the composer of salad days demonstrate how his magic piano worked the boy was cameron mcintosh the decade was the far away 50s the year was 1954. when words i do were still a novelty for elizabeth taylor when the big decision for michael hesseltine was whether to go right or left in the end he just combed it straight back when a gleaming tall boy was a piece of furniture not one of the chippendales 35 years on cameron mcintosh is the most successful producer of musicals the world has ever known ziegfeld and cochrane legendary names were largely confined each to his own broadway or west end patch neither was a stranger to bankruptcy cameron mcintosh's empire is worldwide but it has never taken him to carry street in 1973 he produced the card next year he will bring it back tonight jim dale sings nobody thought of it but first marty webb will sing and wayne's sleep will dance take that look off your face and variations from andrew lloyd webber's double bill for which cameron rejected the title sherry trifle in favor of song and [Applause] [Music] dance [Applause] [Music] and [Music] so [Applause] [Music] [Applause] you must [Music] when he's awake you must be mistaken i'm sure that you are there's more than one car with stickers on and lots of young guys wear corduroy and i'd love if he hadn't gone take that love out of your face [Music] fear [Music] is [Applause] but i've got news [Applause] [Music] henry magen what do you think he said did somebody put him up to it how did he pluck up the courage ah but will mr merchant tell us his secret here he comes you didn't really dance with the counties did ya bright and beautiful ideas somehow suddenly appeared [Music] and nobody thought of it but me nobody saw the bright potential bright and beautiful ideas that hit me right between the ears now once i thought of it you'll see everything else is consequential presence of mind is scot-free i did what anyone could have done and should have done but nobody thought [Music] but me father's keeping drive but i can always try to make a splash based on its assumption all you need is gumption and the goal [Music] [Applause] [Music] opening doors that's my key to thoughts imperial pluck from the ethereal but nobody thought of it but me twinkling ethereal somebody one's voice the world should be an oyster grab the perks come out of your shell you don't need me to tell you when it works it works for my example life is that a sample take my tips you find one name on everybody's lips [Applause] [Music] most and now that's the sport of it receive i want boiled our laser simmer cookie dough skin jewel a free the whole community missed the opportunity [Music] nobody thought [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] cameron mcintosh's first west end hit was also his entree to stephen sondheim and to the broadway establishment he nearly missed it driving out of town to see our sunday night preview of side by side by sondheim at wavindon he drove 100 miles up the wrong motorway and he failed to catch it after every other west end impresario had turned it down he became one of two who had never actually witnessed it and they put it on at the mermaid sight unseen from follies and from side by side julia mackenzie will sing broadway baby when london eventually saw the whole show it was cameron who presented it privately sondheim christened it with its softer ending hello follies it ran for nearly two years but first an excerpt from cameron's latest west end hit transported from the east end of the theatre royal stratford east 15 clark peter's tribute to louis jordan five guys named mo who are you what the hell you doing in my house what's happening here don't you worry just sit back and relax gonna tell you a story from way back so truck on down and dig me jack there's big bow little bitty moe four pie four [Music] brother look at brother [Music] everybody [Music] [Music] see [Applause] [Music] all right baby let's do it five six five six seven eight [Music] they came out of nowhere that don't mean a thing we went high you know why when you hear us [Music] guys [Music] [Applause] oh [Music] [Applause] so [Music] i'm just a broadway baby [Music] walking off my tired feet [Music] right away baby waiting for that one big chance to be in a show [Music] a spark to pierce the dark from battery park way up to washington heights someday maybe all my dreams will be repaid heck i'd even play the maid hey mr producer i'm talking to you sir i don't [Music] baby [Music] oh [Music] there's just my [Music] square someday maybe [Music] if i stick it long enough i may get to strut my stuff [Applause] [Music] [Applause] after the break my fair lady oliver miss saigon cats phantom of the opera and les miserables on the royal variety performance [Applause] [Music] there are drinks and girls all over london and i have to track him down in just a few more eyes i get married in the morning ding dong the bell together time pull at the sofa [Music] oh [Music] get her out of town [Music] [Applause] here we go [Music] [Applause] [Music] my [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] oh [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] oh [Music] [Applause] when i see someone rich both my funds start to hitch only to find some peace of mind i have to pick a pokeball [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] have you seen the way them quality gentlemen treats their lady yes but i have a feeling [Music] [Music] to me [Applause] [Music] [Music] for one kiss [Music] [Applause] [Music] was a yes [Music] i [Applause] [Music] and back again [Music] [Applause] [Music] is would you risk the drop anything now your eyes go up [Music] [Applause] yes [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] seems real i have found you in a world that's moving too fast in a world where nothing can last i will hold you i will hold you our lives will change when tomorrow comes tonight our hearts around the distance [Music] the sun laid on us a crazy sound a lonely sound a cry that tells us love goes on [Music] and dance like it's the last night of the world on the other side of the earth there's a place where life still has worth [Music] i will take you i'll go with you you won't believe all the things you'll see i know cause you'll see the more with me if we're together that's when we'll hear it again [Music] it's telling me [Music] when i'm through anywhere we may be so stay with me and hold me tight and it's the dance night of the world [Music] um [Music] um [Music] midnight [Music] lost her memory she is smiling alone in my feet [Music] and soon it will memory [Music] the time i knew [Music] again [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] so [Music] huh the cavities are mystery cat he's called the hidden gold but he's a master criminal who can defy the law he's the man the flying squad's despair for when you reach the scene of crime the cavity's not there you may seek him in the basement you may look up in the air but i tell you once and once again the cavity is not there [Music] ginger cat he's very tall and thin you would know him if you saw him but his eyes are sunken in his brow is deeply lined with thoughts his head is highly domed his [Music] when you think he's half asleep he's always [Music] is not there [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] [Music] let me be your shelter let me be your light you're safe no one will find you your fears are far behind you all i want is freedom a world with no more night and you always beside me to hold me and to hide me one lifetime let me lead you from your solitude anywhere you go let me go to christine that's all i am it's night each morning [Music] us [Music] [Applause] [Music] is [Music] streams [Music] [Applause] i dreamed a dream when time gone by when hope was high and life worth i dreamed i dreamed that gold would be [Music] forgiven [Music] to dreams [Music] together [Music] i had a dream now life has killed a dream [Music] dreams hear my prayers [Music] in my [Music] have needs been there he's afraid [Music] bring him high [Music] he's like the sun i might have known if god had granted me a sun the sun must [Music] you can't [Music] you can be if i died [Music] hmm him home [Applause] [Music] this never-ending road to calgary these men who seem to know my crime will surely come a second time one day i did not live until today [Music] how can i live when we are parted one day more [Music] [Applause] [Music] you in tomorrow water [Music] [Applause] and i swear i will be true [Music] will you take a place with me [Applause] [Music] themselves [Music] [Applause] [Music] my place is [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] i don't know the things [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] one more time and now here is cameron mcintosh tonight on stage instead of behind the scenes of his many productions which have made the british musical theater the envy of the world after the break the sixties tiller girls jackie mason and the incomparable diana ross on the loose 60s tiller girls [Applause] so so [Music] [Applause] [Music] thank you very much didn't you think the tiller girls from the 60s looked absolutely fantastic i have to say i did try and sneak on at the end of the line they said first of all i wasn't tall enough my legs were not good enough at least the birth certificate was right so maybe next year you never know now i would be absolutely useless at telling joe's jokes but there's this rabbi whose jokes in the synagogue became so popular that people started to turn up for the gags rather than the sermon whose act became so successful that he got his own show on television whose one-man show won numerous awards on broadway and who finally reached the pinnacle when he was asked to entertain her majesty the queen at the royal variety performance so you're thinking ah what's a punchline it's absolutely true at least if you're jackie mason now he is by his own admission the funniest ex-rabbi in the world so will you give a very big welcome to the one and only jackie mason how do you do honeydew it's certainly a pleasure to see me in person this is a stunning unbelievable show and i can't get over what a great show it is and i came to see if i could put a stop to it so if i'm not that crazy about your readers so it don't make no difference to me i know it's a tribute to macintosh and everybody's excited about what the camera macintosh accomplished and i see that there was four or five shows here representing the whole story of what macintosh did and it was the most talented people in the history of the world coming out here one after the other and i know you were very impressed with it i wasn't it's no to me it's no big trick to do such a great performance if you got that much talent they could sing and dance it's no trick to be a hit the way i perform this is a trick i never claimed to have talent and i'm proud of it i'm not too crazy about macintosh anyway the man never did nothing for me i don't want to lie to you he did a show called cats i could have been in it it's about a jewish family i have to go mr cats personally and he's mad about this whole thing that i was knitted then he did a show about a story with people with a mask what was the name of it uh phantom of the opera they said i was wrong for the part how does he know i broke for the part how does he know the man is wearing a mess through the whole show should anybody tell who's wrong for the part that was my best joke i'd like to know why he deserves a tribute in the first place why does he deserve a tribute what the hell does a producer do for a show what does he do for a show he's the only one who has nothing to do with the show what does he do he watches the show just like you're watching the show does he perform in the show he does nothing for the show a choreographer is busy the director is busy the songwriters are busy everybody works the actors knock themselves out and they get what a down the quarter what does he get 19 million dollars for watching this you're watching a show at this business it's called a producer in any other business it's a thief that's what it is and i'm not picking on it because it's not nice for me to come from a foreign country i came here just to learn your language that's the only reason i'm here i heard you talk english i haven't heard one person talk english here i talk the same language you talk how come it doesn't come out the same i don't know i just heard your your prime minister talking brilliant prime minister you ever hear of him everybody likes him nobody knows what he's talking about nobody listens to him every time i watch him schloft everybody he makes george bush look like a personality not that i'll pick it on him it's not my nature you understand this i just came from israel where i was involved i don't know if you heard about it i was there during the scott missile attacks when israel was being attacked during the gulf war and i was there i came from the united states and i cancelled my show to go out there and while i was there with israel i don't know if you heard of israel did you ever hear it because you look like an anti-semite to me up yeah i was at israel during that time and it was a dangerous situation nobody was able to sit still in israel for a second people were running for their lives back and forth there was him because every minute of siren and boom people were running back and forth nobody paid a check in a restaurant in israel for nine weeks everybody was sitting at the restaurants with a check of their hands waiting for the sign when you hit a siren i think i heard a siren haha [Laughter] you know i still don't see nothing funny in this whole show why do they put the stiffs in the front of the background the sensation do you understand this mister i was at israel you thought i made it up i'm a personal friend of you the prime minister of israel there's a brilliant man what are great speakers of all time have you heard him talk all right we'll take a look that's it maybe they will maybe people say maybe they i don't know everybody is picking on him right now that's why i don't want to pick on them they all wanted to give the west bank back to the palestinians did you hear about it did you pass away i'm talking to you they wanted to give back the west bank to the palestinians did you hear about it mr he wants to give it back that's the ironic thing he wants to give it back right now he can't it's in his wife's name [Applause] do you understand this ladies and gentlemen i want to wish you all the very best of health and i say this from the bottom of my heart because it's been a great opportunity for me to be in this country this is a glorious country probably the greatest country in the world today i say it for only reason i know that you're listening and you believe it so i'll tell you whatever you want to hear and i sincerely wish you the very best of health and it's no joke when you wish somebody best of health it's very hard to stay healthy in any country in the world today i don't care how advanced the country is it's very hard to stay healthy because they found out that everything you eat or drink is bad for you there's nothing good it was a time one thing was good another thing is bad today everything is bad even a bottle of soda is a soda good for you found out is bad red meat was once the best thing in the world for you no good that'll kill you in a second but the worst thing the it'll kill every jew in the world thanks ex was once the best now it's the waste you can't eat an egg any place in the world cake cake will kill you blintzes flinches they'll wipe you out there's nothing you're like in this country it's not a question of staying healthy anymore it's a question of picking out a sickness that you like everything is red everything is bad even a cup of coffee they used to say have a cup of coffee can't hurt you remember that remember anything at all they used to say have a cup of coffee now they found out even coffee is bad did read about it they found out the latest information is that coffee has carcinogens in it that's right they found out that coffee causes cancer that's right not only that the caffeine keeps you awake online so not only are you dying you watch yourself go and most people have coffee with sugar they found out sugar will give you diabetes so you want to avoid diabetes you have it with saccharine saccharin causes cancer so you think you'll drink milk milk will kill you because of cholesterol now you got three ways to go you didn't even eat yet so you know what everybody says drink water water is the best thing in the welfare water water lots of water now they found out exactly the opposite is true the worst thing you could drink is water did you read about it they found out the water in this country is so polluted that a half a glass of water is comparable to two coffees three milks and fourteen see the diet from first though you passed away drinks up no by the way why do you think people are eating at health food stores more than that before did you eat about it who am i talking to people are really good health food stuff more than ever before take a look into any health food store packed do you ever notice that all the health food stores are packed and take a look at the people in the health food stores do you ever see them they all have one thing in common they look sick well ladies and gentlemen that's it i know it's hard for you to believe that i finished well i i really have i wanted to leave you with a tribute to one of the great men in the history of your country alfred hitchcock who was one of the great directors of all time of all time not only that a great personality he wasn't ashamed to talk to people on television have you ever talked [Applause] that's this week next week [Music] the taste of new york mr jackie mason it was in new york that i first saw our final star on the ed sullivan television show ed sullivan was famous for muddling up his words and so on and he said in his intro and now ladies and gentlemen three young ladies from detroit the supremes tell me girls where are you from in the years since then of course diana ross has come to reign supreme in her own right so if music is as they say the speech of angels then pray silence please for the heavenly diana ross stay [Music] [Applause] [Music] don't you want me no more [Music] and it hurts so bad [Applause] [Music] you break [Music] don't [Music] don't throw away please [Applause] [Music] is [Music] leaving me [Music] is [Music] [Applause] i wonder if you're too young to remember [Music] don't come easy [Music] love don't come easy it's a game of [Music] [Applause] [Music] give-and-take [Music] ah [Music] don't come easy [Music] thank you very i've much the songs tonight the songs that are most popular here in england and um the song i'd like to do for you now is a very special song for me it's a song about having goals and dreams it's about family it's about reaching for your dreams and i want to dedicate this song to my sons ross and evan okay my family don't lose your weight with each passing day you've come so far don't throw it away let's be leaving dreams off all weaving wonders are waiting to start live your story faith hope and glory all to the truth in your heart [Music] if we hold on together [Music] i know our dreams [Music] as clouds [Music] everyone [Music] if only holding on [Music] together [Music] for you [Music] thank you [Music] why do they [Music] is [Music] [Applause] foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] why do birds sing [Music] say [Music] is tell me [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] is [Music] this next song is also very important to me this is our very first single from the new album which is called force behind the power but the song [Music] for me to you i want to call the stars down from the sky [Music] i wanna live a day that never dies i wanna change the world only for you all the impossible i wanna do i wanna hold you close under the rain i wanna kiss your smile and feel the pain i know what's beautiful looking at you in a world of lies you are the truth and baby every time you touch me i become a hero i'll make you safe no matter where you are and bring you everything you ask for nothing is about me i'm shining like a candle in the dark [Music] i want to make you see just what i want show you the loneliness and what it does you walked into my life to stop my tears [Music] every time you touch me [Music] is [Music] all i need is [Music] [Music] oh [Music] no matter where you are [Music] is [Music] when you tell me that you love [Music] [Applause] me thank you thank you something familiar for you now from my film mahogany and i love it when you sing with me if anybody feels like doing that do you know where you're going to do you like the things that life is showing you where are you going to do you know do you guys [Music] do you know once we were standing still chasing the fantasies [Music] do you like the things that life is showing you where are you going to do you know [Music] we let so many dreams [Music] do you know where you're going do you like the things that life is showing you where are you going to do you know do you know you know if you need me call me no matter where you are no matter how far just call my name i'll be there to hurt on that you can depend and never worry [Music] is [Music] but remember if you should fall short of your desires remember life holds for your one [Music] guarantees [Music] oh [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] is [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] now [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] foreign [Music] but never do you have to be [Music] behind [Music] smile on your face [Music] i it has been written that we're measured by the things [Music] that doesn't mean you have to be a rich man [Music] that can give someone higher [Music] [Music] is [Music] [Music] greater than [Music] [Music] is [Applause] [Music] reach out reach out and touch hand and make this world a better [Music] world a place place [Music] take a little time out of your busy day to give encouragement to someone is [Music] somebody [Music] [Applause] yes [Music] it's my pleasure to be here and to come into the audience i'm not a performer who looks into the darkness i need to see your faces and i'd love to see your eyes and to know if you're happy or not so i've been watching you throughout the show and i hope you've had a good [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] to be time [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] they're very dear to me they've been a long time with me and the voices would you please thank the man i love you thank you very much [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] is [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] ladies and gentlemen may i ask you all to join the company in three cheers for her majesty hip hip hip [Applause] hip [Music] as her majesty leaves the theater we're reminded that this is the 40th year she's graced the entertainment artist benevolent fund with her patronage and we salute the artists who carry forward the great tradition of those who've benefited from tonight's event [Music] and now this is mike carson wishing you a very good night from the 1991 royal variety performance

Channel: Video Rarities

Views: 23,734

Rating: 4.6199999 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: MU9_E6Qs1SI

Length: 136min 0sec (8160 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 22 2021