The Real Reason The Narcissist Can´t Let Go

[Music] the real reason the narcissist cannot let go you may have come across videos that purport to tell you the real reason the narcissist cannot let go let me tell you now that those videos will be inaccurate and it's invariably done from the perspective of a still raw victim with very high extremely high emotional thinking believing that there is something special about them which causes the narcissist to come back time and time again that they cannot let go or you're listening and more usually the case to a mid-range narcissist unable to accept that they lack power and control over the genuine victim this unaware narcissist has to tell you that the narcissist can't let go as part of that unaware narcissist grandiosity and their own need although they are blind to it to assert control over that victim it is important to recognize that any assertion that the narcissist cannot let go because the victim is ultra special is wrong that their victim is unique in some way that they were the best provider of fuel that they were the golden fuel source that is not correct the real reason that the narcissist cannot let go is nothing to do with you and how wonderful and special you may believe that you are and indeed in some instances there will be justification for believing that you are wonderful and special you're kind thoughtful you put lots of effort into trying to placate the narcissist to keep the narcissist happy you would generally be regarded as a high achiever a person oozing with empathy that you're good-looking fun to be around interesting compassionate and so many other traits and therefore it could be accepted that you are indeed a wonderful and treasured person but understand notwithstanding all of that that still does not mean that the narcissist cannot let go of you because of those traits not at all with regard to the real reason the narcissist cannot let go it's important to look at it in terms of time scale in the short term a narcissist can let go that doesn't mean that they necessarily will do so but a narcissist can let go of you in two situations the first is shelfing you putting you back on the shelf and leaving you be the narcissist in effect has let you go because the narcissist is not dealing with you the narcissist isn't controlling you because you are not on the radar therefore there is no need to control you it is if you do not exist the narcissist is not drawing fuel from you the narcissist is not utilizing a character trait from you and the narcissist is not obtaining a residual benefit from you and therefore in those circumstances having put you on the shelf the narcissist has in a sense let go for the moment the other instance of course is disengagement although rare disengagement can occur and therefore the narcissist does let you go in one sense namely there is not an immediate utilization of the prime aims from you you are not in that moment and perhaps for some time being engaged with so if we are looking at a short term basis or short to medium term be it hours days weeks months or even years the narcissist can let go of you because the narcissist is not utilizing you for the purposes of the prime aims however the more appropriate way to look at this is in the long term and it is then that the narcissist never actually lets go even when you might be the victim of long-term shelving even where you have been disengaged from the narcissist doesn't really let go why is that the real reason is you in our world belong to us the way that our narcissism works is that because we lack emotional empathy we look at you as an object we objectify you you are a television set a washing machine a fridge freezer a toaster and therefore having acquired this toaster you now belong to us forever we might decide from our perspective that you're a bad toaster that you're not working properly and we throw you onto the scrap heap of course that is only from our perspective from your perspective there was no problem at all you continue to function but it is our perspective which matters because of course that appertains to our decision and therefore you are the television set that no longer works or doesn't provide us with enough channels you're the fridge freezer that keeps leaking or the door doesn't close properly you're the washing machine that doesn't clean the clothes properly and you're the toaster that burns the toast or doesn't even work at all and therefore you are placed upon the narcissistic scrap heap which you can learn more about in a separate video of course our perspective shifts because we operate with black and white thinking and then all of a sudden you are working again and we take you off the scrap heap we view you as an object because that means that you're easier to control we view you as an object because we have no emotional empathy for you we view you as an object because of our huge sense of entitlement when i go to use my toaster at home i put the bread inside it i press the lever down i have the setting adjusted appropriately and then i wait and whilst i wait i will be attending to other matters because there's always a demand on my time and i have much to do but then pop up comes the toasted bread toasted to perfection just as i wanted it and that is what i expect of all of the appliances in my fuel matrix that they will function just as i want that they will give me control that they will provide me with the right level of fuel that they will give me the character traits and the residual benefits i expect that appliance as does every narcissist to function as if it were a toaster a washing machine a television set a fridge freezer etc and therefore once we have acquired this appliance it belongs to us forever and we can keep coming back to you because we don't recognize boundaries we have no accountability for our behavior therefore there is no sense of embarrassment with regard to how we might have treated you the narcissism revises history rewrites the script erases the behavior compartmentalizes it away so the narcissist can return you belong to us whether you are a tertiary source that we have interacted with for instance the receptionist at a clinic that we have attended the moment that we spoke to you on the telephone you became a part of our fuel matrix you became an appliance within it and it might be that we never ever ever interact with you again but there is always the possibility that we might and that we can return to you as and when we choose driven by that sense of entitlement that lack of emotional empathy the absence of boundary recognition and the absence of accountability the real reason the narcissist cannot let go is because our narcissism will not allow it when you become part of the fuel matrix you belong to us and we treat you as we see suitable we can smash the television set if we like we can polish the toaster we can tell the washing machine what a good washing machine you are you're my favorite washing machine and you don't half wash those non-fast coloreds delightfully we can scorn the fridge freezer taking a lump hammer to it and then afterwards tell the fridge freezer i'm sorry that i bashed you around you are really a good fridge freezer everything's going to be okay you belong to us and we cannot let go of you because of that sense of entitlement and that we have acquired you as an object we do not recognize you as a separate human being that has your own thoughts desires and hopes and your own agendas we do not recognize that once a formal relationship has ended that that's it and we should leave you alone we may choose to leave you alone because it suits our purposes but if we decide that we want to pull draw down on this investment once again the fact that you might be in a relationship with somebody else does not necessarily stop us from doing so because our emotional empathy is absent and we do not recognize the boundary the fact that we are with somebody new doesn't mean that we're necessarily going to stop trying to hoover you in the future again because we have no emotional empathy towards the person that we're in a new relationship with who is now in devaluation with no emotional empathy towards you for appearing out of nowhere after everything that we've done to you which of course will be struck from the record or never recognized in the first place and therefore the real reason that the narcissist cannot let go is because our narcissism will not allow it because you must always belong to us because we may need you as and when our narcissism dictates to cater to the prime aims we own you from our perspective it's nothing to do with your qualities of course those may influence the position that you adopt within the fuel hierarchy within the fuel matrix but to think the reason we can't let go is that you're somehow the best of the best that somehow we are addicted to you particularly is wrong it's all about our needs our decisions driven by our narcissism this has been the tudor treatment i'm h.d tudor thank you for listening

Channel: HG Tudor - Knowing The Narcissist : Ultra

Views: 29,202

Rating: 4.8967352 out of 5

Keywords: hg tudor

Id: 2hNkWqpiP8k

Length: 11min 48sec (708 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 27 2021