The Pursuit of Virtue | Queenie Yu EP 16

some of the young girls were really misbehaving sitting improperly and after that day one of the University students said to me you know what I feel so sorry for those kids because I can see that they don't have a parent who cares about them because if they did they wouldn't be sitting in that way they would have been told to sit properly right from the beginning yeah well people don't know that you know the the this whole this whole idea of compassion being the number one value in our society has really skewed things so that people are getting sloppy they're getting away with things that they wouldn't have gotten away with say 10 years ago or 20 years ago and um it's very difficult to keep standards up so that you can have excellence and Excellence isn't valued like it was it's very strange how things have fallen by the wayside and virtue and talking about virtue that the whole idea of virtue is that you are kept to a standard right you you haven't you have an ideal that you're striving towards and people are trying to drop that idea that that there is an idea ideal to strive for and that's a disaster for the whole society not just for the family not just for the child but for the whole society [Music] hello everyone welcome back to the Tammy Peterson podcast today I'm talking to my good friend Queenie you Queenie is the assistant director at kintur College a female resident near the University of Toronto campus that was inspired by Saint Jose Maria akriva the founder of Opus die Queenie became a Catholic after her first year at the University of Waterloo where she studied Environmental Studies and psychology after completing her MBA she worked in sales marketing politics and in the charitable sector she is passionate about mentoring young women and is honored to be helping in the organization of Pope Francis visit to Canada in this podcast we discussed a variety of topics including the pursuit of virtue when Society conflicts with virtue instilling virtue through routine and punctuality the community's role in the building of virtue showing self-respect and standing up for yourself the value of telling the truth and the value of being focused on others rather than focusing on yourself this is one of the many podcasts I've recorded with Queenie if you enjoyed this episode you can find more wisdom from Queenie on my YouTube channel [Music] hi Queenie hi Tammy how are you good good to see you good seeing you uh I'm looking forward to our conversation today and I'm curious to know what we're going to be talking about yeah I was thinking I was thinking of talking about parenting raising kids in virtue um okay yeah well for one thing you have a new grandchild I do I have a new granddaughter yes and Mother's Day is coming up and Mother's Day is coming up so yes let's talk about virtue and raising our children yeah and the other thing was um it's it's the end of the Academic Year and um at Cantor where I'm kind of like the house Mom or one of the house moms I just have been reflecting on the growth of the girls since September and I realized that initially none of them knew one another oh we have a lot of uh introverts in the house and they all came out of their shell so it was very beautiful to see the growth in them and I remember one get together that we had in the beginning in September um we had just gotten the piano tuned and we asked some people just to go and play something because we knew many people knew how to play the piano and a lot of them said oh I haven't practiced in a long time and suddenly they would play magnificently but each one of them was the same but they were so self-conscious and thinking and comparing themselves with one another but last week we had a talent show at the end of the the Academic Year everybody was just themselves that's nice and they weren't comparing themselves it didn't matter if they made mistakes while singing or while playing any instrument they were just all comfortable with one another because they finally have seen the others as a family member love them instead of somebody who judges them or competes with them so I thought that was very beautiful yeah it must be beautiful you must be very pleased to be at the end of the year and have had a successful year with kintar open and yeah yeah and then that made me think of the role of a parent and and it made me think of some of the conversations that I've had to have with some of the girls they weren't all Pleasant sometimes I had to point out things that they needed to change but the beautiful thing was after explaining the reasons behind what we were asking they understood and they said okay I'm going to be better I'll try again yes so uh virtue being virtue isn't all it's not easy it's not an easy trait right and it's not a nice trait it's a truthful trait yes yes yeah and then part of the role of being a parent or a grandparent in your case right now is sometimes you have to be demanding you have to demand hugs from your grandson yes or demand that he let you kiss him on the belly button you have to demand that yes George is very funny he says do you want to bop on the head and Elliot says no come here and get a bump on the head So eventually Elliott comes gets a walk on the head but it's good because you know um these little these little games that we play with our grandchildren gives them courage right because this little bit of a demanding that they do something and I'm finding my son I've been what they came for dinner last night and uh their little girl being just two weeks old she was laying on a blanket on the floor but Elliot was sitting in his seat and he's not quite two he'll be two on Sunday and um he was putting his hands in his water cup and Julian was sitting beside him that's his dad right and he he took the cup and he put it aside and he said because Elliot tried to put his hands in his dad's cup as well and and uh Elliot or Julian said now Elliot you can't put your hands in data's cup and you can't put your hands in your cup those are two that's to drink out of it's not to put your hands in and so that and he hold and he takes either way and he and he says look at me look at me and you can tell the uh the the um self-will of a child right you can tell so he finally he looks at Julian his eyes go up there and you can tell it's hard for him to attend to what Julian wanted and then and Dylan said so you know are you going to uh be a good big boy and he said I'm going to be a good little boy and he said okay be a good little boy and then off the and then he gave him back everything and he continued to eat but it's really good to see Julian demanding the virtue and not allowing Elliot to do things that bother him because those little things get in the way of your love for those people and that's no good yes yeah it reminds me of um a time when I went with some of the girls from the residence not kintor but another one uh residence in Ottawa valrito where I was living so I went with uh some of the University students to a school because we were going to teach the the kids I think it was math or something and some of the young girls were really misbehaving sitting improperly and after that day one of the University students said to me you know what I feel so sorry for those kids because I can see that they don't have a parent who cares about them because if they did they wouldn't be sitting in that way they would have been told to sit properly right from the beginning yeah well people don't know you know the the this whole this whole idea of come of cushion being the number one value in our society has really skewed things so that people are getting sloppy they're getting away with things that they wouldn't have gotten away with say 10 years ago or 20 years ago and um it's very difficult to keep standards up so that you can have excellence and Excellence isn't valued like it was it's very strange how things have fallen by the wayside and virtue and talking about virtue that the whole idea of virtue is that you are kept to a standard right you you haven't you have an ideal that you're striving towards and people are trying to drop that idea that that there is an idea ideal to strive for and that's a disaster for the whole society not just for the family not just for the child but for the whole society and I think some people are afraid to make Demand on others they're afraid to disagree with others because they want to be liked mm-hmm Jordan speaks about that right yeah and I think social media has something to do with that the whole idea of likes on social media you know it's as if we're being trained now on social media to be uh to be showing what we have that's good uh what we've done that's that's that's good and but nothing else nothing nothing of the parts of us that need a lesson or need work or uh none of our sorrows and our shameful acts those are all hidden they're not on social media so then when people get together in school I imagine or in a residence like this they're going to be showing exactly who they are the good and the bad and at the beginning of the year foreign that's that's tricky that was tricky for them right by the end of the year the good and the bad they know the good and the bad is okay it's all it's all good eaten because you're learning from the bad and getting better okay and I think another reason why some people may be afraid to make demands on other people is because of this mentality that oh whatever you think is okay your truth is good and her truth is good and so who am I to tell you how you can be better or how do you deal with that at the residence that you're yeah the mother at yes okay so one thing we have here is um cleaning of the rooms at specific times or um punctuality at meals because we eat lunch together and eat supper together unless the girls have class uh and what we do is yes of course you're free to come in at any time but if we want to show respect to the staff we arrive one minute early so that we won't delay them in cleaning the dishes um otherwise they'll arrive home late so one way of helping them is by riding punctually yes yes so we understand your desire to stay out with your friends a little longer or to study a little longer but one way to show respect is by living punctuality yes that's really important what else can you think of another one so punctuality is important yes the other thing is the room cleaning um right so every Monday Wednesday and Friday staff go into the rooms to the bedrooms at 9 30 a.m I mean I think that's a pretty reasonable time but there are some girls who have a different study schedule and they're staying up until 3 A.M and of course sleeping in until let's say 11 A.M so often leave a note on their door CA saying no cleaning but that happens every single day multiple weeks at a time and that can't be so we've explained to them for one thing if you don't clean if people don't clean your bathroom for a while mold develops and that's a health hazard the other thing is we want to help you live a proper schedule and we want to prepare you for the outside world because the outside world won't allow you to sleep in until 11 p.m 11 A.M if you're working for a company so you better start acquiring those good habits right now and the other thing is the staff have been hired to work at specific times so if you're in your room and everyone else is in the room the staff aren't able to do their job so out of respect for them could you please respect the cleaning schedule and how long has it been like that those rules have been in place for how long the whole time basically since the beginning well there were some changes um during second semester first semester we only had cleaning twice a week and then second semester three times a week but uh yeah and then initially first semester they were better and then things started slying and sliding in second semester and so what did they do they empty the garbage cans and and uh and vacuum and clean the bathroom yeah yeah that's everything that's very nice yeah that's a great service yes and it's kind of like we see our staff like our mothers grandmothers so we treat them with respect and they show that they care about us through the cooking the cleaning and the laundry that they do so when people are stressed out they prepare a special meal just to make people smile very nice when they returned the laundry it's all nicely folded it's very smart it's a very smart well I've been there it's well run and I never noticed any ill feeling anywhere in the building you know sometimes you can come to a house and you can tell that it's not a happy place I don't feel bad about Contour I feel that um when there's trouble well I mean what do you do when there's somebody who's discontent good thing this year that didn't happen but in previous years that did happen and we I mean I've had a conversation with a girl saying perhaps this isn't the best fit maybe you'd be happier elsewhere and she agreed and she found another place but it's not an easy conversation to have no but there is the chance that that wasn't the right place for her and do you follow up with that person do you know what happens to her um I messaged her but she didn't respond in the end so she's moved on yes yeah and I I hope I give the message to all the girls that you know I'm I'm available to help them whenever they want I'm sure you do yeah if I had a house Mom I'd like her to be like you thank you yeah yeah because when I went to University I lived on my own I had roommates sometimes it went well sometimes it didn't and but I didn't have any guidance you know from anyone because we just had our rooms and I think having someone or a number of staff that you're responsible to is a good precedent because when you're going to be working in the Working World there's going to be bosses and there's going to be people that you're responsible for as well and this is practice it's all practice isn't it for growing up yes I've also spoken with some of the introverts of the house one of them was living alone in an apartment for first year and then afterwards she moved to kintor and she said kintor really helped her to grow in social skills and whenever she was stressed out she was really stressed out but living at kintor when she was stressed out she would see people talk with them and that would help her yes we need Community yeah that's right and that's what I'm finding too I I was I was I'm not an extrovert I'm not an introvert but I'm not an extrovert I'm kind of in the middle so I can I can stay by myself comfortably um but I find that having a good community of people and always having people I can reach out to keeps my thoughts straight gives me guidance on how I should act without reacting you know without haste in a in a in a through after a pause with some mindful attention then I can give a more tasteful response to something that may be as difficult for me yeah Community is very good and uh those girls I don't know there are do they share a room or do they they're all individuals all individual rooms so they have their privacy no well beautiful yeah and and that's the only that's the only institution like that on U of T campus is it not I think so this is a boys yes there's um there's earns Cliff College which is a 10-minute walk away and it's just for the the guys um and actually there was another girl who isn't a demanding program like many courses lots of projects and during the year she wasn't that present at meal time or get-togethers and we told her that maybe it wasn't the right fit that she wouldn't be happy coming back next year um and then for the last two weeks she was really involved in the life of the residence like she was present at all the meals and get-togethers organizing talent shows and outings and everything and then she said you know what the more involved I am the more I want to stay and I I thought that was just very beautiful like she thought that if she had to if she like lived according to all the rules and forced herself to come to the get-together she would think that the environment would be too suffocating but it was actually the opposite isn't that interesting when Julian was a little guy he uh would often you know go to school he'd go to school and kind of become infected by the kids in the class who were the most disruptive you know he kind of come come home trying out their behaviors and we and so he'd come home and we'd say oh oh Julian's caught you know caught he's not himself today he's come home with somebody else and we and then we'd um we'd pay closer attention to him you know we wouldn't let him get away with anything we'd make sure that everything he did was on point and what would happen was he would it would it was as if he was straying from us because we were allowing him to stray and then when we paid lots of attention then we would pull him back and pretty soon he would be more in love with us and that was very interesting to see how that happened you know attention that is what they want yeah and that's what they crave is attention and they'll get it however they can so if the only way they can get it is in a uh manipulative way then they're going to learn to manipulate but if they can be straightforward with what they want then you end up with somebody who can ask for what they want which is a super good thing to know how to ask for what we need and uh to be in a group and like you said participating like that then you have all of that to learn from as well and how to get along with the community there's also another in the when the kids were young there was a young girl on the Block who uh came from a single family her mom her mom was a single mom and she didn't have any siblings or anything so she was on her own and when the kids would play outside she would come to play but she would uh ask them to play what she wanted to play instead of playing what the rest of the kids wanted to play and then the kids wouldn't want to do that because you know you have to kind of come up to the group see what the group is doing join the group and then maybe suggest something else but you can't just you know come come there put your foot down and say this is what I want and expect things to change and so there was some difficulty on the street with this one child who couldn't she couldn't she couldn't share you know she couldn't um join the game she couldn't join the game and it was sad to see I'm sure that she's learned her lessons you know I've seen her she's I don't know her anymore but she does still come around and uh when maybe one day I'll get to speak to her and see what's happening but the the beginning like when they were Early Elementary School I was somewhat worried that about her because she didn't know how to get into the group in a graceful Manner and that's really important so that you can be accepted yes yeah that reminds me of um a girl uh her dad spoke with me about her um that she had been bullied in no matter which school she went to um um I I don't know the girl myself but I think learning how to deal with one's peers is a very important skill and learning how to deal with bullies as well I don't know if you have any tips on that well I know that there's a psychologist named Dan always from one of the Scandinavian countries I'm not quite remember I don't remember which one it was Dan always and he was really he his research worked really well for getting rid of bullies people could look up him up Dan always and I asked recently to remind me because it's been years since I've I've thought of him but you know he he encouraged everyone to speak up everyone to speak up that way you know if you're not putting up with being bullied if you're if everyone is speaking up then there's no chance for anyone to be dominating of everyone else and so there are no secrets you know just tell it like it is at every moment so that everything stays uh on the level you know um I know a teenager or a girl who was born with um a defective eye and she had to have an artificial eye uh ever since she was a kid and kids can be very mean so there was this one girl who was let's say making fun of her uh bullying her and at one point in time the girl with the artificial eye stood up for herself and told the bully like you know why are you doing this to me this is how you're making me feel and you should stop and the bully surprisingly started bursting in like bursted into tears and just showed her vulnerable side and eventually they became in France right yeah that's a good story The Bully had you know wounds of her own uh had her own insecurities and I guess to make herself feel I don't know more like better about herself she was putting someone else down but you know that obviously wasn't the healthy thing to do right right no that's not the healthy thing to do that's not a virtue no no a virtue would be humility yes right and uh but yeah the importance of speaking up and respecting oneself because if you let somebody bully yourself you you're not respecting yourself right right you know people have a hard time standing up for themselves and we can be judgmental about ourselves more sometimes more than anybody and uh that if you think that through and you realize that there's something about you that's Divine and that that it is it it isn't yours to mess with that it's yours to support and encourage and uh it's it's kind of a it's very interesting thought right not to be thinking that everything is me about me is is just me it's not it's not all just me it's also what I've been given as gifts and uh it's It's Our obligation to honor those gifts yeah and stand up for those gifts and stand up for the challenges that we have as well yeah yeah like we were made in the image and likeness of God we are temples of the Holy Spirit so because of our dignity we should respect ourselves and others should respect us as well and we should respect other people so this also makes me think of people who are involved in toxic relationships I I talk with the girls and I say you know what if you're in a relationship where your boyfriend isn't treating you with respect drop in because you deserve better and I mean I I understand uh their way of thinking self-sacrifice but you know there's a limit yeah well often there's young girls who think that they can change they can change their boyfriend for the better yes but there is no changing other people you can only change yourself and so if you're bringing something to the relationship that's making it more difficult you need to become aware of that but if you're not bringing anything that's destructive to the relationship if you're doing your best to be aware of of uh your foibles and and your uh your shortcomings um and you're doing your best to to be a better person always the person that you're with and I think what what we based our relationship on when we got married was on telling the truth you know it was necessary and when I I'd never I'd never had anybody before I'd never had a friend who said if we're going to be friends we have to tell the truth but that was really a good thing to hear from someone that they um they cared for themselves enough that they um want to enforce a rule that was a Guiding Light right truth a Guiding Light for our relationship and it was helpful it was so helpful and I mean the first year I was asked to tell the truth I carried a little New Testament Bible around in my pocket wow and I looked at everything I did saying well is this truthful and is that truthful is that is how I conduct my life truthful I hadn't really thought of it that way but I uh I thought of it well really from then on I I thought of it all someone had to do is suggest it to me and then it seemed like a good idea so a lot of times you don't need that much encouragement so it's really good to tell the truth because you never know who's going to be listening and who's going to uh be encouraged by what you say but the only thing we can change is ourselves we can't change our boyfriends so and women you know they sometimes they go and they they go to jails they write they write to convicts and think that they can rehabilitate the people in jail and you know you have to be a very special person to help other people and it can't be for your own benefit you know that that that's where people can sometimes go wrong is they want someone else to be better so that they look better and that just doesn't work it never goes well you know I know a lot of girls who want to who get into relationships thinking that they can change their boyfriend do you think men go into relationships thinking that they can change their girlfriend I don't know I don't know I don't know um I think so probably I think we all make the same mistakes uh globally you know there's kind of there's only there's a limited amount number of ways to go off the beaten path and I imagine that men and women can go off the beaten path in as many ways you know maybe men more than likely will be uh will use well they'll more likely use aggression they're bigger right and and women will more likely use manipulation because they're smaller and so it's it's more it's set more subtle way to get what you want without um physically putting yourself out there and so you know you know the Sexes they do have different ways of of uh trying to get their way but becoming aware of how how we do it is super helpful and then trying to be more straightforward and dropping those things because those things are usually brought about because of fear right or because of fear or anger or um yeah well you said earlier telling the truth tell the truth tell the truth and I think when I thought tell the truth I thought it was about what I did which was was true what I was doing how I was running my life that was true I never really thought about it as deeply as I think as I think about it now uh truth now has to do with my thoughts I never I never thought it it was important I thought I could think whatever I wanted to think but that's not true actually you know because your thoughts turned into actions eventually so you got to be really careful you know the the Columbine killers they thought and thought and thought nasty thoughts for a very long time before they shot up to schools and so it isn't just the actions people do it's thoughts they haven't so you know that's that part that's part of the virtue training and I don't know how you I think all we can do is train our own thoughts it's very hard to I don't know how you do that as a mom with all these young women help them with their thoughts we have deep discussions okay and that's why whenever I speak with the girls or give a class I try to explain why we do things um if I have to actually one day I told one of the girls um you know when somebody's speaking even though you want to take notes on your phone it would be better not to use your phone while someone else is speaking uh because it could look like you're doing your own thing and you're not paying attention to the speaker he said well like like do always think ing about me like my parents taught me to be an independent woman to not care about what others think of me and what I do and I said yeah that's that's important but at the same time it's well etiquette and then the other thing is if many many people think that it's not being it's not polite to be using your phone while someone else is talking maybe it would be better for you not to use your phone uh and then I also explained imagine you're at on a date with your boyfriend and you're talking about something very important and he goes on his phone and starts researching about that topic well I don't think you're gonna be very very happy because he's not concentrated on you he's concentrated on the topic that you were talking about and you are more important than the subject matter that you're talking about so then she understood so I I think when it comes to like when you ask you know how can we teach people to think differently explain the why and bring up uh bring up stories that are associated with the principle yeah but when you're sorry well I was I was thinking about these young girls that you're with that you're mentoring and they're in University studying to become to graduate from one discipline or another but life is bigger than just the career choice that they make so what what do you guys do to um to broaden their their attention yeah so we tell them that kintor isn't just a place to eat and sleep and study so we want to encourage them to give to the others and see everybody else as a member of their family so we celebrate each other's birthdays and we like people take turns making a birthday card for somebody else uh people take turns organizing and Outing for somebody um we also encourage them to do volunteer work in the community so there's a soup kitchen um behind us we encourage them to go and visit seniors at a long-term care facility we encourage them to volunteer to tutor a high school girl so there are many volunteer activities um and that way they're not just focused on their studies and themselves and what they like to do they're thinking about what they can do for other people how their gifts can improve somebody else's life that's a great idea yeah well I've been I've been mentoring a university student through your program yes and this is the second year and uh At first she didn't contact me because she thought I was too busy but once she did contact me we met weekly after that and now that this University term is over we're going to meet twice a month or monthly over the summer which is what she wanted to do and and it wasn't just about her career it was about her study habits her living arrangements her health how she was feeling her relationships you know it had to do with more of her life than that you know in her study time did she study alone did she study with people um her her study time how much time was she spending per subject what were they worth what did she want to do when she got out of University you know there were many many different questions to ask and uh it was very good for me to give my time to someone and it was really good for her to have someone to speak to who was who had studied so many years ago and who had now retired really from from what I was doing but had enjoyed what I did so I could talk to her about the uh the way that I found to go through my life that was successful and uh yeah so you know being around other people this whole idea of community it's very you know uh Franklin when he open the public library he suggested that people the way to start the library was to ask for something from someone else and that was the way that they could ask you for something else and so then you get this give and take starting and that's how you that's who you built the public library cool yeah you know do you mentor because you you were looking for guidance as a young person and maybe didn't get as much guidance as you had wanted well that's definitely the truth I didn't have as much guidance as I probably needed but I think I Mentor because uh I wanted to who I was when I was between um you know 17 probably and 22. uh I don't think I had the guidance and the the um discipline that I might have had if I would have been followed by a community and so giving back to that age group of people gives back to myself it's it's as it's kind of like making an amends to myself when I was young and maybe to my daughter too if I didn't spend the time necessary with her then spending time now with someone who's between 17 and 22 can also help me to feel like I'm making an amends to my daughter in case there was anything in our time where I wasn't there for her so yes I think that these ways that we volunteer our service are ways to make up for who we've been in the past or what we've experienced in the past yes that's why I think some people end up getting involved with people who are uh who are troublesome and that can be a tricky thing if you don't know what you're doing right if you're not prepared if you don't have the infrastructure around you that's developed to be safe while you're doing that you know sometimes I can remember when I was younger I would I was kind of interested in people who were down and out but in order to help someone like that you have to be pretty sophisticated I mean look at how many people are on the street if we knew what to do about them they wouldn't be on the street so it's very very difficult problem and to just think that because I feel some compassion towards those people that I should step right in and help that's um what is that that's putting the cart before the horse that's for sure yeah and so it's very it's very tricky to know what you are ready to do what you aren't ready to do and if you're in a community you can ask your friends and they can tell you their experience and it's a lot easier for me to listen to someone and what they are doing than it is for me to think about what I'm doing so it's good to share it because they can see it objectively and what I'm doing and I can see objectively what they're doing and so hopefully if we have our the best if we're hoping for the best for each other and for ourselves then we can move forward but very tricky to do that on our own because our thoughts you know they can go places that aren't good if we don't share what we're thinking about and it you have to reach out you have to talk to someone and regularly you know not just once a month or even once a week but regularly even once a day I you know when I was I had little kids when I had little kids and I was working as a massage therapist I used to think well I I need at least one massage a day you're right I needed to connect with at least one person I didn't know or who I was serving a day and then I was okay so I I think that every day that's why people need to go outside every day right and say hello that's that's a way of communicating just say hello because there's lots of people in the city who don't have anyone yes you know when you're talking about mentoring the girl there was uh well one of our University students here she had a mentor and she was very grateful to what her Mentor did like the advice that she gave her the her Mentor connected her with an internship that she was very grateful for and she was asking you know what can I do for my mentor but she has everything and then what do I know what can I do for her and then I said well be thankful you know do the make it a nice card Etc um but she was she came to the conclusion that the best way to Express her gratitude to her Mentor was to help other people to volunteer her time as well and um I was just thinking generosity is like this Chain Reaction you know when when you are the recipient of unconditional love you know what it is and you give it to somebody else yeah yeah yes but imagine if our entire Society could do that yeah things turn around very quickly if you start doing that and that's why at kintor we're trying to teach the young women give like don't think only of your studies your interests help the others in the house help those in the community so when we were on tour we had a q a after the lectures and and then and we had a an app where people would post questions and then the guests in the lecture would vote them up and down and so then I'd know what people really wanted to hear about and often there was a question of how can I find the Perfect Mate and I can't say it was always men asking the question I can't remember often they say Anonymous so I can't tell and it's interesting to think so you're thinking that you're going to find someone perfect to match you because you're perfect right you're not perfect if you found someone who who was perfect they wouldn't be choosing you right because we're not perfect so instead of saying where can I find a maid that's perfect for me you can say what can I do what can I do to attract a mate what can I do what can I give what can I offer yeah and that's a totally different question yeah so um no good well we spend a lot of time wondering what we can get for ourselves and it's backwards why do you think it's like that that everybody thinks they should figure out what they can get for themselves it's so backwards yeah I think well original sin that's always ourselves and what we can get so what's the story an original sin that you're relating to well Adam and Eve um they eat the fruit of that tree and as a result um there's a disorder in within them so before they could know the truth act on it and then now after original sin they know the truth but don't necessarily do it even though it's the good thing so we know we should study for that exam tomorrow but instead we go on YouTube uh so it's the consequence so our yeah we're just disordered and instead of being god-centered um are we are turned in on ourself so the healing is turning back towards God and towards other people right and when and when we say turning towards God I mean I I agree with that and it and it's fine and I'm fine with it but lots of people have trouble with that right but really turning towards other people turning to the best in other people that's turning towards God you know you're turning towards what what you can do that's best for the best in other people encouraging the best in someone encouraging the best in yourself yeah yeah and then um yeah I often have the young women coming up to me and saying um there aren't any good guys out there they're not asking me out right what I tell them is what are you doing to improve yourself like you don't want you're not looking for a boyfriend to complete you you have to stand on your own and the more you improve yourself like grow in virtue grow in skills do Hobbies do volunteer work you're going to be more attractive that he will ask you out because he sees wow what a caring person what um an articulate intelligent a brave individual I am attracted to her not just because of how she looks or how she dresses but because of who she is mm-hmm yes I think that's a good place to start that's good that was a good answer see you Monday yeah see you later bye bye thank you thank you bye-bye [Music]

Channel: Tammy Peterson

Views: 5,641

Keywords: Jordan Peterson, Tammy Peterson, Tammy Peterson Podcast, Jordan Petersons wife, Virtue, Pursuing virtue, Queenie yu

Id: BKDz13kRrL4

Length: 51min 35sec (3095 seconds)

Published: Sat Oct 22 2022