The Pittsburgh Pirates: Professional Baseball's Drunken Sailor

oh boy this one's gonna hurt what that guy don't worry about him he'll be fine he'll be pitching again in a few months see he's good what isn't good right now or the Pirates their ship has lost win traction and are now stuck in a desolate ocean of confusion and a lost identity now the grim reaper has come to collect it too and they are now a rotting carcass of a squad let me put it to you this way do not mention the names Francisco Cabrera or Sid Bream this devastating failure I should the team straight into the gutter as the premiere locale of baseball for two decades if I were to go over every single butt-fuck of a move made by shitty management and every goddamn operations shutdown made by the players this video would probably be 30 minutes long they were the best comedy act in the city of Pittsburgh a team so terrible that they became my personal blooper reel if you want to give credit to something for these cheap excuses for content you can thank Nate's [ __ ] after eleventy billion collapses in August and September something strange happening the Pirates became good it was one of the strangest sights to behold the pirate the gong show of baseball a team that allegedly had incredible riches in it history was a respectable franchise again they were on the up-and-up they had a chance for their first World Series title since the days of we are family our Lord and Savior Andrew McCutchen would lead us to whoops never mind the Pirates are City again to see the Pirates now is like watching Death of a Salesman the pollution coming from PNC Park nowadays makes the city's rivers look like Alpine glacier water I do not exaggerate my claims this team it cannot play baseball at all their ability of fielding is as error ridden as the blue screen of death they cannot throw the ball accurately they cannot make timely pitches running the bases you'd be better off asking Gabe Littlefield to atone for his managerial sins I have never seen a team so absolutely an active base running after every Sunday home game kids can run the bases those kids run the bases better than the pirate but don't you worry the other teams can run hog-wild on the bus because the team doesn't teach a pickoff move our base runner management in the minor league and God forbid the buffs don't shoot themselves in the foot and actually get runners in scoring position to them scoring runs it's like trying to solve advanced their ideal clutch hitting is swinging at [ __ ] everything and hope you actually make contact with the ball it usually turns into a double-play or a lazy flyball it's like they just took people from a third world country it gave them a glove in the back and just shoved them onto a field the best way to react to this is to assume they will fail no expectations helps a lot with the pirate to be spared nobody had expectations of the Bucs when they were winning which helped to mask a lot of issues in their managerial structure and player development for pitching the game plan is great series literally just the demonic necromancer rapier edge but with some occult rituals and sacrifices of a few fatten cash pitchers are suddenly throwing the best in their careers even then we still get the likes of Jonathan Sanchez and Jon Niese hitting wise we keep getting told that the walking double bubble machine known as Clint Hurdle is one of the best hitting coaches in the game have you seen how horrific Lee over aggressive they are at the place if he is a hitting guru my King smells of lavender and honey but it's okay because they are one of the most analytically inclined teams in the game kuch stubbornly kept as the cleanup hitter for months on end Josh Bell constantly taken out of games for a scrub defensive replacement Tony Watson remaining the closer after blowing 500 save Phil mocking Gosselin John Jaso and right-field it's still cutting edge I'm bleeding right now which leads us to the unrest of the fan base the Pirates fan base is divided into three seconds first the injures which need no explanation anything less than a championship is considered to be a disaster of a season and everyone needs to be fired secondly you have the analytics nerds have the emphasis on anal I will throw myself into this category we find ourselves to be so much better than the other sex because we can actually we laugh at everyone for overreacting but we are smarmy and unlikable in our own way then there are other conspiracy theorists to them every move straight and signing can simply be explained as Bob Nutting being a total cheap ass this statement is literally repeated ad infinitum regardless of the situation in fact everyone blames nothing for this terrible stress yet the main reason why they suck it's because the people they were counting on to distort contributors decided to imitate the Hindenburg Gerrit Cole the suppose an ace of the staff is more interested in chugging Miller like that pens games instead of pitching he still hasn't figured out that losing his cool causes him to collapse like a Jenga Shack and he also has the bonus of being a Scott Boras client this means that he will soon be traded for a player in a ball and a failed top prospect from 2011 Tony Watson lost the spark to a stuff and is now like dousing a fire with gasoline the guy's the closer who serves up cookies and blown lead to plenty Jared Hughes became a groundball specialist second no longer for a brown balls they pick up his option for the next year then realized he sucks now and cut him in spring training John Meese was absolutely hot garbage that ended up getting created for even hotter garbage in Antonio Bastardo Francisco Cervelli signs an extension with the team then reveals to the world that he's made a blast Gregory Polanco he's going to be so so good dude they've been saying this for about three years now Alto pay is the homestar runner with arms of the faithful like you were 45 Korean sensations Jung ho Kyung turns out he's a totally hot mess with rape allegations and duis in three countries Andrew McCutcheon went from hometown hero to moody little [ __ ] in one year plaque it is one of the saddest things I have ever seen imagine Fred Rogers dying on repeat that is kuch nowadays the once affable guy is now a sullen surly shell of a player who grows scorekeepers and umpires under the bus for [ __ ] that is his own damn I'm sorry you lost a step for six when your game is predicated on sweet I'm sorry you didn't get traded in the offseason because other teams realize that you suck mentally but what he hasn't lost is infectious personality look at how he grants dance was unwitting on again [ __ ] is my watch detail yeah defensive metrics completely disagree with you buddy then there's Francisco Liriano a man who refused to adapt to Heather changing their approach to him and turning back into the tire fire that he was before he got to Pittsburgh he became so stubborn that the witchdoctor race series walked out of his bullpen session when suddenly he goes from a hot commodity to a guy that is created along with several the team's better prospect so they can get rid of his contract it was one of the few things all three sexes of the fanbase agreed upon it was a [ __ ] terrible trade pirates management immediately goes into damage control citing the financial flexibility they will get from the trade you seriously thought we were going to believe that we've seen this movie before you pull the skin only to swallow the entire pound tractable likes of Matt Morris after that didn't work they said it was made because they like Hutchison Hutchison [ __ ] sucks the man was all but given a starting job for the Pirates only to [ __ ] out an ER a over Ken in spring training for you non stat nerd down there that's giving up over a run for inning all those precious years of control for pure dog [ __ ] but enough of the negativity the Pirates still have Starling Marte that dude is beaten you can't get it are you [ __ ] Jamie right I'll talk [ __ ] you accidentally take one of the most comments there are known to man what is [ __ ] it yeah here's the hole proponent Jameson tile total stud potential to be one of the best in the game no no no [Music] hits your eye like a big pizza pie that's amore I know this is going to fall on deaf ears since the city has been blessed with such incredible riches over the past decade but the Pirates are the epitome of agony when they were actually good the NL Central was stacked now they are terrible again and what do you know the NL Central is incredibly weak while following this team over the years I did the one thing you don't do I grew attached do you want to know what my most cherished memory of this team is a [ __ ] wild card game and my generation is so desperate for highlights that we want to believe that [ __ ] Plato Chan actually did something it was even worse before that my best memory of the Bucks as a kid was a team with a nine million dollar payroll that didn't even finish about 500 now I can't even want that they should kill anymore there was nothing but anger and empty these were supposed to be the years where the farm system bore fruit and the Pirates were competing for championship supporting the management grace period is over [ __ ] I want heads on pikes outside of the home rotunda if there was any reason to rip nothing to shreds right now it's because nobody is being held accountable for that I'm sooo content with allowing a management team to enamored with the smells their own [ __ ] to stubbornly run this team into the ground my biggest fear is that he's not going to do a damn thing until the bottom line is affected by doing nothing he's proving all of those annoying Enders and conspiracy theorists right the actions of this team over the past year I've given these [ __ ] near infinite ammo I can't even muster up courage to defend this kid anymore but this P bucket with a dildo made from Flint turtles use double bubble carpenter with a high flyball into right head god this game is tied the Cardinals down to their final strike and Matt Carpenter a biscuit home run

Channel: UrinatingTree

Views: 721,334

Keywords: The Pittsburgh Pirates, The Pittsburgh Pirates Professional Baseball's Drunken Sailor, Pirates MLB, Pittsburgh Pirates, Bucs MLB, Pirates Twenty Consecutive Losing Seasons, Bob Nutting, Clint Hurdle, Neal Huntington, Pirates Jerry Meals, Pirates Wild Card Games, Pittsburgh Pirates MLB, Laughinstocks, Terrible Sports Teams

Id: IQ78kp2GZ40

Length: 9min 40sec (580 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 14 2017