The Most Important Connection for Success | Michelle Beato | Michelle Enjoli Beato | TEDxSouthampton

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[Applause] [Music] thank you thank you i'm super excited to be here today and the reason i am so excited is because throughout my life i get to have some amazing conversations the theme of this talk is human to human and i get to have a lot of those conversations in my everyday life and so here i want to have a very honest and deep coming conversation with each and every single one of you it's a conversation that i get to have often throughout my life i've been very lucky and one that i really really think is important for us to have during this time so in the weeks leading up to this event it's funny because i seem to have a skill for inspiring people to open up to me even when i don't even ask for it and in the last couple of weeks i met a woman who i went to her office for a service and she decides to start opening up to me about the issues of her love life and it was great it was okay except that she was performing a service on me and started getting very very passionate about this and i was actually afraid that she was going to take half of my eyebrow out luckily she didn't and we ended up having a great conversation but it's the conversations that i've had throughout my life with others that are very fruitful but the most important the most life-changing and the scariest ones are the ones that i've had to have with myself you see throughout my life i've had to have some really really big conversations with myself and i can recall about three that were life-changing and extremely extremely scary the first one was at 4am in a hotel room in miami where i had to decide if a long-term relationship i had been in was worth fighting for and the second conversation was in my living room couch where i was deciding if leaving everything that i had ever known was worth it to move to a new city for a job and the third conversation was in my car during rush hour traffic but what was interesting about this one was it wasn't a conversation that i was looking for that conversation was actually looking for me you see i left work that day it was a very typical day nothing out of the ordinary had happened got in my car turned on the music like i do every single day and proceeded to drive home and about halfway through my drive i noticed that a uncomfortable feeling started creeping up i really didn't think anything of it and ignored it well as i was about five minutes away from home i remember coming up to a light the light was about to turn red my car stopped and as my car stopped these feelings completely took over my body to the point that i had to turn down the music ever get lost somewhere and you turn down the music and you think it's gonna help you find your way well that's exactly what i did and so as my car started to move again all these deep and uncomfortable thoughts started coming at me and one of them was a question and that question was are you really happy and what was very interesting about this question was that this was all happening during a year where on paper i was actually really successful i had gotten a job that i really really wanted had worked at it for a really long time i was in a relationship i was traveling i was literally checking every box that you're supposed to be checking for success and if i wasn't checking it i was well on my way there were plans being made so what was wrong well i soon discovered that that universal checklist of boxes that i was i guess starting to check off that wasn't my definition of success you see to me how my life feels is way more important than how it looks and on that day my life didn't feel right and what's interesting about this is that i am a problem solver i've been solving problems my entire life it's in my dna and some of the solutions that i've come up with have been called crazy scary impossible brilliant creative but it's really really easy to solve problems for other people but it's not so easy to solve problems for yourself you see on that day i had questions to answer and i had a problem to solve and what's interesting about that is i want to now ask you have any of you ever had a massive doubt an uncomfortable feeling or a question to answer please raise your hand if that's ever happened to you awesome we're human and then i want to ask you have you ever found an answer or knew the solution and did something either completely different or you did nothing at all and you see the reason why i asked this is because we are all born with an innate curiosity from the minute that we begin talking we start asking questions right we ask why for everything well as we continue to grow those questions still persist and depending on how you were raised whether those questions were answered or those questions were silenced and ignored you start to do that as an adult so as questions come up you either answer them or you ignore them we do this in our personal and professional lives every single day and you see what's interesting about life today is that we can build whatever career and whatever life that we want it's really incredible but it's also really really hard you see people love to tell you in motivational speeches you can be anything that you want but what they don't talk about is to be anything that you want or get anything that you want you're gonna have to give it everything that you've got you see success was defined millions of years ago by these universal set of check boxes and what those check boxes didn't take into account is that we are all different every single one of you we all have a unique set of challenges we all been exposed to different things therefore we all want different things so why are we all trying to check the same boxes you see i've seen people chase success their entire lives and what ends up happening is they might end up living a different life but with the same questions and the same challenges and the same struggles and so i want to ask you today what has success meant to you up until this day think about it right now has it been acquiring a list of things has it been acquiring a list of titles you see the reason why i asked this question is not because i don't think that those things are worth striving for it's because many of us give up something really really important just to check a bunch of boxes that people told us that we should be checking and you see we're all human we're all going to make mistakes and at the end of the day we have to own up to those mistakes shiny objects are attractive trust me i know but if we want real freedom and real success in our lives we can't silence the discomfort and the questions that come about throughout our lives you see human connection is something that we desire from everyone else but we sometimes tend to neglect it with ourselves and you see for me my vision who i wanted to be was very very different and so i want you all to think about your life think about the boxes that you want to create in your life because the most important connection that you will all need to make to build and sustain success is with yourself and i've got three very important reasons why the first reason is a connection with yourself is going to give you unlimited opportunities ever think about buying something big like a car right you might know what model you want to buy you might even know the color that you want do you ever notice that when you make that decision and you're out and about you tend to notice that car more often or you might even see that color on a different car well the reason is is because your senses are open to that car the same applies to opportunity the minute that you decide that you want to accomplish a goal you're going to see opportunities to help you accomplish that goal or get closer to it it's your job to grab that opportunity you see i've always had an idea of what my future career goals are and they've changed quite a few times and i didn't have a roadmap on how to get there how to accomplish those goals so instead what i ended up doing was i switched my mindset and instead of focusing on what i didn't have in the moment or what i didn't know i took every experience and decided to learn from it and i started to ask myself the questions what can i learn from this experience and what can i use to help me get closer to my goals you see our lives are never going to be linear they're going to go up and down we're going to have moments where we're extremely happy we're frustrated we're sad we want to give up and the point is there's something to learn from every single experience and it's up to you to be open to it and grab it and that in itself is the unlimited opportunity the second reason is a connection with yourself is going to help you make decisions you see it will teach you how to think for yourself versus what to think by other people you see making decisions is actually really simple what makes it hard is the lack of trust that you might have in yourself or the worry about what other people are going to think and you see making decisions does require some work it requires accepting some troops and acting on them and there are going to be some ugly and uncomfortable truths that you will have to face and you might not want to and that's the reason why the questions and the doubts exist in the first place you see you have to learn how to make a decision and act on it if you want real success in your life success that is determined by your wants and your needs you're gonna have to make a decision act on it and never look back and lastly a connection with yourself is gonna help you build resilience you see any time that you're looking to do something that people around you have never done before it's not going to be easy any time that you're looking to build your own life create something unique for yourself you are going to meet resistance from everywhere including those nearest you but there is something that i want you all to remember because i sure do every single day the decisions that you make you're the only one that's going to live with them you see it's no one else's job to see the vision for your life but yours your belief in yourself has to be greater than anybody else's belief in you you see i've always been a very private person people sometimes criticize me for it but the reason why is because i realized a long time ago that i wanted something different i had different goals i had different dreams i just wanted a different life but in order for me to accomplish that i had to be really private and i had to create my own box and ever since then i've had to fiercely protect it and at times i have failed but i never gave up and the reason is i've been able to build this resilience this has been due to the exposure and the experiences that i've had in my life you see i've been in the room with the rich and the powerful and i've also been in the room with the poor and the powerless and one thing is that i've noticed is real success and happiness has nothing to do with your monetary or your social status it has everything to do to being deeply connected to who you are and you see the vision for my life i it was very hard to see this many many years ago but i decided to start acting making decisions and building on this vision and this has what led me to be on this stage in front of you today so i want all of you right now to close your eyes and i want you to picture a moment in your life where you felt the happiest and the most connected to yourself and then you can open them and what i want you to take away from this is those type of moments they should not be things that you remember or have to relive about your past these moments small moments of happiness and a real connection with yourself are moments that you should be chasing every single day you see that day in that car that conversation i had to have with myself i was lost and i wasn't connected to that box that i created many many years ago and so i had to have some hard conversations with myself and make some decisions because realize it we get one chance at this one chance and life as we know it can cease to exist in the next couple of minutes hours days weeks or months and i want you all to have the most important tool available to help you rebuild and adjust i want you to have a solid real connection to who you are outside any of the titles that you have had up until this day i want you to have a solid connection to your best friend i want you all to have a connection to you thank you [Applause]
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Channel: TEDx Talks
Views: 45,817
Rating: undefined out of 5
Keywords: Connection, English, Life, Personal growth, Positive Thinking, Self improvement, Self-help, TEDxTalks
Id: cEBAfujtmtg
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Length: 15min 33sec (933 seconds)
Published: Fri Oct 15 2021
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