The Laws of Human Nature by Robert Greene Come with me on a visual journey
down the rabbit hole of Human Nature. If you are a visual learner, or you
just don't have the spare 30 hours right now to get through this book,
then you've come to the right video. We are going to go over things like
which Gender Projection type you are, Zeitgeists, Aggression, Cults, and a heap more. I got so much out of reading this book and by
the end of this summary, I hope it inspires you to grab a copy of the book for yourself so
you can go even deeper and master these laws. Let's jump into it. “These Primitive forces, there are eighteen of
them. I call these primitive forces Human Nature and so there actually governing your behavior
and their governing other people's behavior. You don't know who you are, you walk around
in your world and you're kind of sleepwalking. You assume you have an identity,
an opinion, an image of yourself that is actually somewhat false. There
is something else going on inside you". Law 10 The Law of Envy - Beware the Fragile Ego "Everytime a friend succeeds, I die a little"
-Gore Vidal Envy is the trickiest and most
elusive of all human emotions. To decode envy, you must become
a master of human nature. You need to be able to distinguish
passive envy from active envy before you can understand its nuances. We all suffer from envy from time to
time as we unconsciously observe the people around us and feel that they
may have more in life than ourselves. The need to compare may
motivate some of us to excel. Signs of Envy It is difficult to detect subtle signs of envy,
but if you pay attention, you can detect them. Microexpressions It is the eyes that are most associated with envy. It's often the first impression that's the most
accurate, so you should pay more attention to it. The envier will momentarily look at you with
disdain and hostility. Sometimes, the look is only noticeable by accident, but if you notice
such looks in your first encounter with someone, and they happen more than once, look out for a
dangerous envious person lurking into your life. The Schopenhauer method for eliciting envy. Tell suspected enviers some good
news about yourself—a promotion, a new and exciting love interest....You
will notice a very quick expression of disappointment. Their
tone of voice as they congratulate you will betray some tension and
strain. Equally, tell them some misfortune of yours and notice the
uncontrollable micro expression of joy in your pain, what is
commonly known as schadenfreude. Poisonous Praise Beware of people who give you
confusing and paradoxical praise, they will find ways to praise you, but mix
the praise with sarcasm and offhand remarks that are designed to make you feel
uncomfortable, and make you doubt your abilities. Back-biting Gossip often serves as a cover for envy, a means of venting frustration through
sharing malicious rumors and stories. If you happen to hear of a negative story
spread about you, that should have enough impact to raise your awareness. A sign of active
envy could be the fact that your friend feels the need to vent his or her underlying hostility to a
third party rather than to keep it to themselves. Push and pull If people are envious of you, the
people with the closest proximity, that know all your secrets and weaknesses, are
often in the best position to act upon this envy. “Enviers often use friendship and intimacy as
the best way to wound the people they envy.” Envier Types Here are five common varieties of envious people,
how they disguise themselves, and how they attack. The Leveler: Levelers are always on the lookout for
injustice and unfairness in this world. Despite their ability to put others down, they
do not easily take a joke at their own expense. It is their goal to bring everyone
down to their level of mediocrity. Levelers cannot identify or
value excellence in anyone. Be aware of these people, especially in the
workplace. Such individuals will try to make you feel guilty for being ambitious to try
and cover up their own ambitions to succeed. Levelers are people that want to bring you
down when they see you rise above them. The Self-entitled Slacker: People today rightfully feel
entitled to success and a good life, but they recognize that they will need
to sacrifice their time and work hard. Self-entitled slackers believe that they are
entitled to success and the finer things in life. These people are plagued by narcissism, and
insecure about their ability to get what they want. Keep an eye out for those who prefer
to maintain their positions through charisma rather than by putting in the
hard work to get things done. The Status Fiend:
Humans are very sensitive to their rank and position within social groups.
Status for some people, however, is more than a way to measure social position -- it is the most
important factor in determining how valuable they perceive themselves to be. Status fiends will
ask about your income, whether you own your home, and what type of neighborhood you live in. It
is common for such types to demonstrate their status in an opposite direction, portraying
themselves to be monk-like, but in reality they secretly yearn for the luxury they cannot
afford. When you are around this type of envier, try to hide, or at least downplay, anything
that might trigger envy around such types. The Attacher: These types are attracted to
the successful or powerful, not in admiration, but out of envy. They will do
anything they can to make themselves useful. They lack their own purpose, but they want to get some
of that attention and success the high-achiever is getting, without all the hard work. They hate
the fact this person is getting more than them. The Insecure Master: For some people, having a high position
increases their insecurities. They fear subordinates who may possess more talent
than them with an envious gaze. They may fire people for strange reasons or
discredit your outstanding projects. Keep an eye out for signs of insecurity
or envy among those above you. Envy Triggers While certain personality types tend to be more
prone to envy than others, you should be aware that certain situations can cause envy in just
about anyone. Older people and people whose professions are fading tend to have fragile
egos and can easily feel envious of others. When a woman achieves high levels of
success, other women and men feel inadequate, leading to jealousy and animosity instead
of appreciation. In order to deflect envy, it becomes even more important for
successful women to play the humble card. The best way to deal with an envy attack
is to control your emotions. As a result of social media, envy is more common today than ever
before. We all have a low level of envy within us, which can be exacerbated by reading something
or seeing something that makes us feel insecure. Beyond Envy
Bring yourself closer to what you envy. Envy thrives in environments where
people see each other every day, whether they are colleagues in a corporation,
family members, neighbors, or peers in any group. Considering that our brains cannot stop
comparing, we should redirect this mechanism into something constructive and creative.
Human greatness is to be admired. Admiration is the opposite of envy. We
acknowledge people's accomplishments, celebrate them, without feeling insecure. Our species' potential is to be celebrated
when we recognize someone's greatness. “Gratitude is the best antidote to envy.” Engage in downward comparisons. We often compare
ourselves with people above us, and we become envious. Instead of always looking upwards, look
downwards from time to time. Compare yourself to people who are lower than you socio-economically,
not in a superior manner, but in a way that gives you gratitude for the things you do have
in your life, that so many others do not. Schadenfreude, the experience of gaining
pleasure from another person's suffering, is closely related to envy. Instead, follow what Friedrich Nietzsche's called
Mitfreude, which means "joying with." Instead of simply congratulating someone on their
success, you should instead attempt to actively feel their joy, try to feel what they must be
feeling in their moment of success. Practicing mitfreude increases your ability to feel this
emotion in relation to your own experiences. Law 11 The Law of Grandiosity - Know your limits “The gods are merciless with
those who fly too high on the wings of grandiosity, and they
will make you pay the price.” Throughout history, humans have had a deep
need to consider themselves important. We get a little bit of success and
we let it go straight to our heads. We feel superior to others. We amplify our
successes and we take all the credit. We downplay any role that luck or the contributions
of others may have played in our success. As soon as the perception of our greatness
and brilliance differs too much from reality, we become grandiose. Seek out signs of
excessive grandiosity in others and in yourself. Grandiosity has become
exponentially more prominent today as a result of the following factors: The number of people who received pampering attention as a child
is greater now than ever before. A growing number of people are showing little or
no respect for authority or experts in general. Social media is amplifying grandiosity. We allow
the attention of others to inflate our egos and Social media gives us almost limitless
capability to expand our presence, and to create the illusion that we can attract thousands
or even millions of adoring followers to us. “More than anything it is social media
that spreads the grandiosity virus.” The Grandiose Leader It is possible for people with
high levels of grandiosity to attain positions of power if they also
possess some talent and assertive energy. The grandiose leader distorts reality
to fit their perceived greatness. Here are six common illusions
grandiose leaders like to create. “Greatness is my destiny” It is common for grandiose leaders to
portray themselves as destined for greatness. The stories they tell about their childhood
and youth demonstrate their uniqueness, as if fate had chosen them. “I’m the common man/woman” Public figures must present themselves to the
public as representatives of the average citizen. A grandiose leader's trick is to put
emphasis on their cultural tastes, and not the class they were raised in. “I will be your savior” In times of crisis and trouble, these types
rise to power. These individuals will be the ones to deliver the people from the
difficulties they are experiencing. They need to make large yet vague promises
to do this. Messages must be simple to understand, yet stir the emotions.
When followers become part of the cult, they are doubly mesmerized and ready
to excuse any faults of the leader. “I am able to rewrite the rules” Humans have a secret desire to do away
with the conventions and rules in place in every field, and to be empowered just
by following their intuitions. Secretly, we are excited and wish to believe grandiose
leaders when they proclaim to have such powers. “Everything I touch turns to Gold” In order to create the legend
that they have never failed, those with grandiose tendencies
will exaggerate their success. If they had setbacks or failures in their
career, other people were always to blame. “I’m invulnerable” The grandiose leader likes to take risks, but
this boldness is often reckless and mismanaged. In essence, their decisions are
influenced not by rational considerations, but by the need for fame and attention, and
the reality eventually catches up with them. Practical Grandiosity Grandiosity is a form of
primal energy we all possess. Here are five basic principles that are essential
for attaining the high level of fulfillment. Be honest with yourself
about your grandiose desires. You must be honest with yourself and admit that we
all want to feel important and noticed by others. Only then you can channel your energy
into something useful and productive. Focus your energy. Avoid scatterbrain thinking and
moving from one idea to another. Don't try to solve too many problems at once
and break your goals into smaller steps. Your goals should be attainable
in a matter of months, not years. Keep in touch with reality. Let your imagination run free, but
don't expect your ideas to be perfect. You will be able to create something practical,
powerful, and realistic by listening to criticism and maintaining an ongoing dialogue between
your imagination and reality (feedback). Make sure you challenge yourself
according to your abilities. Continuously be seeking challenges just above
your current skill level. Attempting projects below or at your ability level will make
you easily bored and you will lose focus. Don't hold back your grandiose energy.
“Think of your energy as a wild animal
that needs to roam free now and then or it will go mad from restlessness.” Try learning a new skill in a different field, or start the business you once considered
as unattainable or a distraction. Law 12 : The Law of Gender Rigidity - Reconnect
to the Masculine or Feminine Within You “Do not be afraid to bring out the more
sensitive or ambitious sides to your character. These repressed parts (masculinity and
femininity) of you are yearning to be let out”. We all have a mixture of masculine and feminine
qualities which are due to our genetics and also the influence of the parent of the opposite sex.
But in order to play the gender role expected of us, we tend to repress some of these qualities,
and we lose important dimensions of our character. You need to look within yourself and discover those feminine or masculine traits
that are repressed and underdeveloped. Psychologist Carl Jung identifies these
different dimensions of our character as: the anima - which is the unconscious
feminine part of a male, and the animus - the unconscious
masculine part of a female. When we fall In love, we become victims of
emotions that we cannot control. We make decisions about partners we cannot rationally explain.
Our bad choices of partners are often repeated as if we are driven by some demon deep within
ourselves. It is common for relationships to fall apart due to misreadings and miscommunications on
both sides, and without knowing the reasons for the breakdown, we will go through exactly
the same process with the next person. Gender Projection—Types
The variation of gender projections are infinite, but here are the six most common
types. As we go through these projections, try to recognize any tendency toward one of these
forms of projection within yourself. Furthermore, watch out for how people will project
their desires and fantasies on to you. The Devilish Romantic: The woman who is usually drawn to a man who is
older and successful and who can lavish her with attention and gifts. In order to attract
his attention, she decides to seduce him. After time, however, she realizes that his
masculine, powerful, and romantic qualities fall short of what she imagined. The attention
she gets is not sufficient or does not last long. She is powerless to change him, and he will not
change, so he walks away from her. A woman in this scenario has become trapped by the attention
paid to her by her father in early childhood. It becomes her lifelong goal to reclaim that
attention and the power that comes with it. To attract the attention they desire, they
have to constantly be flirtatious and charming. The Elusive Woman of Perfection:
The man who thinks he has found the perfect woman. Although he hasn't had many
encounters with the woman in question, he can imagine all kinds of positive
encounters with her in the future. Despite his best efforts, he will quickly
become disenchanted. Her character is not what he thought it would be; she deceived him. He then
proceeds to project his fantasy on the next woman. Often, men susceptible to this projection
grew up without a supportive mother. A mother of this sort might have expected
her son to give her the attention and support she was lacking from her husband.
Due to this role reversal, the boy who becomes a man feels emptiness inside and a need to fill
the attention he didn’t receive in childhood. The Lovable Rebel: The woman who is attracted to men
that have a disdain for authority. This man, unlike the Devilish Romantic, is
usually young and unsuccessful. Moreover, he tends to be outside her usual circle of
friends. Even though the relationship breaks apart, the fantasy remains intact. Women with this
projection often have a distant and strict father who is strong and patriarchal. As a girl, she
dreamed of being independent and assertive, but was restricted to following her father's orders
and playing the role of the obedient daughter. The Fallen Woman: The man who is attracted to the opposite of what
he used to be: good, obedient, and trustworthy. This type of man often had strong mother
figures as children. Subconsciously, they gravitate towards women who are imperfect,
bad, or from different cultures and/or social classes. His goal is to rescue her, but over time
he realizes she isn't what he had expected. These men have a passive and masochistic anima, and they
are often merely used as pawns by these women. The Superior Man:
The woman who is drawn to the superior man. His confidence and power radiate through him. He
could be a successful businessman or a professor. Among women, this type of projection is very
common and is due to feelings of inferiority. Being unable to develop her
own confidence or strength, she tends to search for these traits in men and
exaggerate their appearance in her imagination. She often attracts men who are
attracted to younger women, whom they can dominate (the professor
seducing the student scenario). Typically, these men fail to be as clever or
brilliant as she imagines, so the woman either leaves disappointed or gets stuck with her low
self-esteem and bends to his manipulations. She should cultivate genuine self-confidence so
that she can evaluate the value and character of the men she meets before being misguided. The Woman to Worship Him:
The man who seeks a woman who will worship him. His life is hard, but he is driven and ambitious.
His life seems to be lacking something. A woman comes along who is warm, attentive, and engaging
to him. When he pursues certain types of women, he subtly positions them to play the mother role
so they can support, adore, and enhance his ego. Generally, this male projection stems
from his relationship with the mother, who adores him and lavishes him with attention.
She has empowered the boy, and he becomes addicted to that kind of attention. He seeks and expects
that same attention from the women he meets. This man should see the pattern of
these relationships throughout his life. He must be able to take care of himself. Let me know in the comments below if you
could relate to any of these projection types. The Original Man/Woman When we were children, our sense of self was
rather fluid. During our youth, however, we needed to establish a social self, one that was cohesive
and would allow us to fit in. To achieve this, our free spirit had to be trimmed and tightened. This
tightening was largely driven by gender roles. To feel and present a more consistent self, we
had to suppress our masculine or feminine aspects. If you are interested in finding a better balance, pause the video now and see how masculine and
feminine traits tend to differ from each other. “Do not play the expected gender role,
but rather create the one that suits you.” Law 13 - The Law of Aimlessness
- Advance with a sense of purpose He who has a why to live can
bear with almost any how. —Friedrich Nietzsche As opposed to animals, who can use their
instincts to steer clear of danger, humans must rely on their own judgments. As long as we
follow our instincts moment by moment, we will wander aimlessly, which will lead us to dead ends.
Developing a sense of purpose, discovering our calling in life, and using that knowledge to guide
us in our decisions will prevent such a fate. We gain a deeper understanding of
ourselves, our tastes and preferences. When we lack purpose, we
become increasingly insecure. When we have a sense of purpose, we are
less likely to suffer from depression. It is best to avoid hiring or working with
people who are motivated by a false purpose, as their unproductive energy
will tend to drag you down. If you surround yourself with people who have
a strong purpose, they will pull you upward. “Operating with a high sense of
purpose is a force multiplier...The many sides to your character are channeled into
this purpose, giving you more sustained energy.” Strategies for Developing a High Sense of Purpose In developing a sense of purpose,
you will encounter many challenges. Others may distract you from finding your true
direction by instilling doubt in your heart. You can overcome these obstacles By
using the following five strategies |
Discover your calling in life. Often, the earliest signs of your true calling
can be located in the earliest years of your life. Consider moments in your life when you
felt natural and at ease doing certain tasks or activities, as if you were
running with the wind at your back. When you pursue your purpose,
some people will criticize you, some may be helpful, but
others may just come from envy. Take their negative opinions and judgements of
you as motivation and fuel for your purpose. Associating with people who
have a strong sense of purpose will allow you to absorb their purposeful energy. Create a ladder of descending goals. If you set long-term goals, you will
gain incredible clarity and resolve. However, if you look at all the steps necessary
to reach them from your current position, they are likely to generate anxiety.
If you want to manage such anxiety, you should have a ladder of smaller goals
extending down from the present to the future. Finally, dedicate uninterrupted
time with your work. Find states of flow. Focus on the work
and not the recognition or reward. The Lure of False Purposes
We are all aware of how insignificant we are in a universe with billions of others. In order to
feel connected to something bigger than ourselves, we need to feel larger than ourselves. As human
nature is, however, many people are searching for meaning and a sense of transcendence
on the cheapest and easiest terms possible. Throughout history, without a true purpose,
humans have been attracted to five common types of false purposes.
The pursuit of pleasure: We often think of work as just a boring necessity
of life. Ultimately, we are motivated by avoiding pain and finding as much pleasure as possible
outside of work. Our pursuit of pleasure takes many different forms, such as sexual activities,
recreational stimulants, and entertainment. By operating with a sense of purpose,
we understand the importance of placing limits on ourselves rather than
overstimulation of the senses. Causes and cults As human beings we have a deep desire to believe
in something, and with a lack of unifying beliefs, cults fill that void. Groups whose disciples
are vague in their objectives should be viewed with caution, as the group is more than
likely just about releasing emotions. Money and success A person's pursuit of money and status
often motivates and focuses them. Despite this, many of the richest
anMoney and success will naturally flow to you if you focus on your goals
and maintain a high sense of purpose. Attention:
As a way to feel more important, people have always desired fame and
attention. This false sense of purpose, however, has been greatly democratized
with the help of social media. By cultivating a strong sense of purpose and
creating projects which are naturally appealing, we will have a much better
chance of attracting attention. Cynicism "Man would rather have the void as purpose
than be void of purpose."-Friedrich Nietzsche Cynicism, the conviction that
existence is meaningless, has the effect of leading to "the void
as purpose." Politics, pandemics, and old beliefs all contribute to this type of fake
purpose, which is growing in popularity nowadays. Law 14 : The Law of Conformity -
Resist the Downward Pull of the Group “When people are free to do as they
please, they usually imitate each other.” —Eric Hoffer The social personality is the different
person that we become when we are operating in groups of people, it is a side to our
character that we are rarely even aware of. In a group, we unconsciously
imitate what others say and do. There is no positive or negative
side to the social force; it is simply an aspect of our human nature.
The Individual Effect
The desire to fit in: In order to feel like we belong
or fit in with the group, we tend to alter our appearance or
adopt its ideas, beliefs and values. The need to perform:
We become actors in the group, guiding what we say and do so that other team
members accept us as loyal members of the team. Emotional contagion: We experience the contagiousness
of emotions through the group. The group map compel you to act in ways that
you would otherwise not, if you were alone. Hypercertainty: In the group, we are driven to make urgent
decisions and support them. This gives us a sense of certainty that makes us more open
to taking risks. You should never give up your ability to doubt, reflect, or consider
other options that differ from the group. “The larger the group and the more
established the culture over time, the more likely it will control
you than the other way around.” Group Dynamics You must study the following dynamics
in the groups to which you belong: Group culture:
Groups carry some dynamic of culture, from countries with long standing traditions,
all the way down to a company or even an office. An ideal state will always be the center
of the group's culture and spirit. Group rules and codes:
The distressing effects of disorder and anarchy are experienced by all groups. Therefore,
standard rules and how to conduct oneself quickly emerge and are established. They are not written
down, but are implied by all group members. The group court:
In any chimpanzee colony, you will observe an alpha male and other chimpanzees
adapting their behavior with him, following, imitating, and trying to strengthen their bonds
with him. Essentially, this is a prehuman version of the court, or the social dynamic.
Despite the difference in appearance, the behavior and strategies of the
courtiers continue to be very similar. The group enemy:
In the groups you belong to, you will almost certainly find some sort of enemy
or villain to fight, be it human or otherwise. Group factions:
As a group becomes large enough, individuals start to form factions.
A faction, left unchecked, can grow so powerful it takes control of the leaders.
By creating an enthusiastic and unifying environment in the group, factions become less
desirable, which tightens the whole group. The Court and the Courtiers In any group dynamic there will be a struggle for
power. There will be some form of group court, with an alpha leader at the top and subordinate
leaders with whom people try to get close to. Understanding the court's dynamics is crucial. Be able to identity the types of
courtiers, such as the Intriguer (who appears loyal to the group,
but is secretly accumulating power), the Stirrer (who hides their
envy to cause conflict), the Gatekeeper (who use their position to control
the flow of information and isolate the leader). The Reality Group
Here are 5 strategies if you want to create a healthy group dynamic
Instill a collective sense of purpose. You must capture and channel that social force
that compels people to belong and to fit in. This Can’t be a vague purpose it must
be clearly stated and publicized. Assemble the right team of lieutenants.
Your fear of delegating authority will be your biggest obstacle. Developing a team
of lieutenants with the skills that you lack must be the very first thing you do.
Let information and ideas flow freely. Communication is the lifeblood
of any group. Encourage open discussion to build the members' trust.
Infect the group with productive emotions. You should radiate a sense of
determination that permeates the group. In the face of setbacks, you are the one that
keeps pressing forward and solving problems. Forge a battle-tested group.
When faced with a crisis, you want to find out how tough a person is from the inside.
Test the people in your team with some relatively challenging tasks and shorter deadlines than
usual and see how they respond under pressure. Law 15 : The Law of Fickleness
- Make them want to follow you. QUOTE Despite the fact that leadership styles change
with the times, one thing remains the same: people are always ambivalent about those in power. Watch
the news to see how easily leaders can lose trust from their followers, and how their reputation
is shaped by their latest success or failure. “Authority is the delicate art of creating
the appearance of power, legitimacy, and fairness while getting people to identify
with you as a leader who is in their service.” Strategies for Establishing Authority Having authority means people follow you
willingly. They listened to your advice and followed your words. In your efforts to overcome
people's natural ambivalence and resistance, you must continuously seek ways
to mobilize their willpower. These strategies aim to accomplish
just that. Put all of them to use. Authenticity : Find your authority style
The authority you create must flow naturally from your character and specific strengths.
Think of certain archetypes of authority from our culture : One of the
archetypes will best suit you. The Deliverer - The person who delivers people
from evil. Think Moses or Martin Luther King Jr. The founder - They establish a new
order in business or politics that diverges from the status quo.
The visionary artist - they defy the norms - Think picasso
The Healer - The one who can unify people. The teacher - The person who can initiate action
and get people to learn from their mistakes. Focus outwardly: the Attitude.
Humans are selfish by nature, spending most of our time focusing
on our emotions, our struggles, and our fantasies. Focus on how you can
serve others. Become a good listener, and see your position of leadership as
a responsibility and not a privilege. The Vision : Cultivate the third eye
Individuals, caught up in the moment, are prone to overreact, panic, and see only a limited
part of the situation in front of them. Develop your long-term vision, and don’t get caught up
in day to day drama or insignificant events. The Tone : Lead from the front
As a leader, you must show everyone that you work as hard, if not
harder, than they do. Setting the right tone is essential. To gain your approval, the
members will want to rise up to your level. Stir conflicting emotions: the Aura. People tend to be too predictable. In order
to fit in and feel like part of the group, they adopt a persona that they think is pleasing
and consistent with the group. As the leader, it is important to establish an aura of mystery.
Mixing signals and displaying qualities that seem inconsistent, causes people to think about you
and pause before they try to categorize you. Never appear to take, always to give The act of taking something away
from someone they assumed they owned, be it time, rights, or money can create a sense
of insecurity, and will call into question your authority and all your accomplishments. Always
be seen to give and never take from the group. Rejuvenate your authority: Adaptability.
The newer generations will inevitably become immune to your charm and aura. Therefore,
Your style of leadership needs to adapt to the moods and epochs of the time. Don’t let
your leadership style remain stuck in its ways. Law 16 : The Law of Aggression - See
the Hostility Behind the Friendly Façade “Men are not gentle, friendly
creatures wishing for love, who simply defend themselves if
attacked … A powerful desire for aggression has to be reckoned was part
of their … endowment.”—Sigmund Freud On the surface people around
you appear polite and civil, but underneath the mask we all
have an aggression side in our DNA. People have acted violently and
aggressively in the past and present, but we dislike to think of ourselves as
someone who can act in that same manner. Human nature is deeply misunderstood in this
way. Our species is wired for aggression and it is latent in every human. Aggression can be used for good. However, it can
also lead to antisocial behavior and violence. Despite some individuals clearly
being more aggressive than others, we are all capable of slipping towards
the negative side of aggression. Human aggression is a continuum,
and we all exist somewhere on it. The Source of Human Aggression “Human aggression stems from
an underlying insecurity, as opposed to simply an impulse
to hurt or take from others.” Only humans are able to grasp their own
mortality. At any moment, we could lose our jobs or be separated from our partners,
which can make us feel frustrated and helpless. People who are chronically
aggressive, on the other hand, are more likely to feel the helplessness
and frustration we might feel on occasion. These individuals experience
chronic insecurity and fragility, and work incredibly hard to hide this
by overpowering and controlling others. If you are around a chronic aggressor, you
must understand this behavior is stemming from an underlying insecurity, a deep
wound, almost always from early childhood. We also have to realize that aggressors
see others as objects to control.
Two myths to dispel The first myth says that humans used to
live in harmony with nature and with each other. But anthropologists have proven beyond a
shadow of a doubt that pre-civilization warfare was every bit as murderous and brutal
as anything we are experiencing today. There was little peace between us. The second myth claims that human beings may
have by and large been violent and aggressive in the past, but we have evolved since then
to become more compassionate, enlightened, and led by our better angels. Still, the signs of
human aggression persist as they did in the past. Present day warfare, genocide,
and degradation of the environment paint a different picture from this myth. Redirect your aggressive energy There are usually three main ways in
which aggressive energy is expended. You can channel this energy into
your work (controlled aggression) You can channel it towards others through
your behavior (passive-aggression) It can be turned inward in
the form of self-loathing, which directs our anger and
aggression at our own shortcomings. How do you usually handle this energy? Observe
how you respond to frustration and uncertainty as a way to judge yourself. Are you prone to lash
out, become angry, and do things you later regret? Or do you internalize the anger
and grow depressed?
Passive Aggression—Its Strategies
and How to Counter Them Our default setting is to avoid direct
confrontations and appear sociable and polite. However, it is not always possible to
get what we want without making an effort to assert ourselves. This is
called passive-aggression. While passive aggression is sometimes necessary
in order to not be walked all over by others, some people have a chronic passive aggression problem. Here are some strategies
that passive aggressors often use. The Subtle-Superiority Strategy:
The person who always comes late, providing an excuse and an insincere apology. The Sympathy Strategy: The person who plays the victim but in reality
loves the drama, the pain, and the attention. The Insinuating-Doubt Strategy: Someone, maybe even a friend, who makes an offhand remark that makes
you question yourself and your abilities. “You did quite well on the project,
for someone at your level”
Was he/she subtly insulting
me? You may ask yourself. A key point of this strategy is to make
you feel bad such that you find yourself thinking about it for days afterward. Their
goal is to bring down your self-esteem. The most common reason for their actions is envy.
It is best to show that their insinuations have no impact on you. Their goal is to get a reaction
from you, and you will not give it to them. The Blame-Shifter Strategy: The person who is confronted and immediately
begins shifting responsibility and blame back to the person who is irritated. They grow silent when
you confront them, wearing a hurt or disappointed look while their tone of voice subtly conveys a
sense of disbelief that they did anything wrong. It leaves you feeling as if you might
have overreacted, now you feel guilty. The intention is to cover up any
unpleasant behavior, deflect criticism, and make people refrain from calling
them out on their mistakes in the future. This tactic can be countered if you remain
objective and unaffected by their blame-shifting. The Passive-Tyrant Strategy: The person who is impossible to please. Usually,
powerful people use this strategy toward their underlings, but it can be applied by
individuals in relationships as well. Strategizing against these types is very
difficult because they are usually your superiors and possess real power over you. There's really
only one counter: Quitting and recovering. Controlled Aggression
Your aggression should not be repressed or turned inward.
Channel this energy towards real problems that you can solve. Towards
your ambitions to get what you want. Law 17 : The Law of Generational
Myopia - Seize the Historical Moment “You are a product of the times as much
as anyone; the generation you were born into has shaped your thoughts and values,
whether you are aware of this or not.” In more ways than you can imagine, you are born
into a generation that defines your identity. There is a strong desire in your generation to
separate itself from the previous generation and forge a new direction for
the world. New values are formed, which are absorbed into your thinking as an
individual. With age, generational ideas and values tend to close you off to other
points of view, limiting your thinking. In order to free yourself from the mental
restrictions placed on you by your generation, you must understand as deeply as possible
this powerful influence on who you are. The Generational Phenomenon
Each generation has its own symbols, myths, beliefs, and mindset which constitute
its generational spirit. A person born in the 1890s would be different from someone born
in the 1950s, and a person born in the 1950s would have a different "generational spirit"
from a person born in the 1990s, etc. Generational Patterns Each generation inherits beliefs and ideas from
their parents, but seeks to find something new. The 14th century historian
Ibn Khaldun believed that history occurs in cycles over four generations. The 1st generation: revolutionaries make
a radical break to establish new values. The 2nd generation: seeks to establish some order
and discipline after the revolutionary chaos. The 3rd generation : aims to build a
comfortable life through pragmatic means. The 4th generation: are cynical and
lost in a society that has stagnated. New revolutionaries are now primed to usher
in a new order, and the cycle begins again. You need to change the way you
look at your own generation. You should attempt to understand how deeply
the spirit and the culture of your generation have affected the way you view the world. Identify the characteristics of your generation, in order to gain an understanding of its
spirit in the present and to exploit it. Think about where your generation fits within
the tension between early and middle adulthood. “We think we are judging the younger
generation in an objective manner, but we are merely succumbing
to an illusion of perspective.” How to capitalize on the spirit of the times The following are some strategies to
make the most of generational dynamics. Challenge your past, including your
parents’ values, and try to see things from a different perspective. Take on the
generations zeitgeist in a unique way: don't let your age limit your curiosity, you
can be a child-like wonderer as a grownup Increase your interactions
with the younger generation read the works of previous generations
influence the younger generation, mostly your children, to shape the future LAW 18 : The Law of Death Denial
- Meditate on Our Common Mortality “By connecting to the reality of death, we connect more profoundly to the
reality and fullness of life.” Near death experiences actually have a paradoxical
effect that makes us feel more alive and awake. You can make your life more meaningful and
productive by being aware of your mortality: Become viscerally aware of death. Take a moment
to reflect on death. Visualize yourself at the moment you die, and try to picture what you
are doing or where you might be at the time. Remember that your remaining years on this planet
are a deadline for completing some life project. While you still have time, work
on what matters most to you, including your relationships and your goals. Observe mortality. Consider the billions
of people who have come before you, and realize that most of the people on Earth now
will no longer be alive in the next 60 years. “We are all a part of the
brotherhood and sisterhood of death.” Embracing death will make it easier to cope
with all other pain and hardships in your life. Adversity is an opportunity
to grow and enlighten us. Take time to contemplate the sublime. The infinity
of time and space makes our daily struggles seem trivial. Faced with the vastness of nature,
our ego seems insignificant. Being aware of your mortality will free you of insignificant
worries, will allow you to concentrate solely on your life's work, and will help you to
explore every possibility to its fullest.
