The Knife of Never Letting Go Book 1 of the Chaos Walking Series by Patrick Ness

[Music] this is audible candlewick on brilliance audio presents the unabridged recording of the knife of never letting go by patrick ness performed by nick podell [Music] for michelle katz if we had a keen vision and feeling of all ordinary human life it would be like hearing the grass grow and the squirrel's heart beat and we should die of that roar which lies on the other side of silence george eliot middle march part one one the hole in the noise the first thing you find out when your dog learns to talk is that dogs don't got nothing much to say about anything need a poo todd shut up manche poo poo todd i said shut it we're walking across the wild fields southeast of town those ones that slope down to the river and head on toward the swamp ben sent me to pick him some swamp apples and he's made me take manche with me even though we all know killian only bought him to stay on mayor prentice's good side and so suddenly here's this brand new dog as a present for my birthday last year when i never said i wanted any dog then what i said i wanted was for killian to finally fix the fission bike so i wouldn't have to walk every forsaken place in this stupid town but oh no happy birthday todd here's a brand new puppy todd and even though you don't want him even though you never asked for him guess who has to feed him and train him and wash him and take him for walks and listen to him jabber now he's got old enough for the talking germ to set his mouth moving guess who boo man she barks quietly to himself just have your stupid poo and quit yapping about it i take a switch of grass from beside the trail and i swat after him with it i don't reach him i don't mean to reach him but he just laughs his little barking laugh and carries on down the trail i follow after him switching the switch against the grass on either side squinting from the sun trying not to think about nothing at all we don't need apples from the swamp truth be told ben can buy them at mr phelps's store if he really wants them also true going to the swamp to pick a few apples is not a job for a man because men are never allowed to be so idle now i won't officially become a man for 30 more days i've lived 12 years of 13 long months each and another 12 months besides all of which living means i'm still one month away from the big birthday the plans are being planned the preparations prepared it will be a party i guess though i'm starting to get some strange pictures about it all dark and too bright at the same time but nevertheless i will become a man and picking apples in the swamp is not a job for a man or even an almost man but ben knows he can ask me to go and he knows i'll say yes to going because the swamp is the only place anywhere near princeton where you can have half a break from all the noise that men spill out of their selves all their clamoring clatter that never lets up even when they sleep man in the thoughts they don't know they think even when everyone can hear men and their noise i don't know how they do it how they stand each other men are noisy creatures squirrel manches shouts and off he goes jumping off the trail no matter how loud i yell after him and off i have to go too across the i look around to make sure i'm alone goddamn fields because killian will have a fit if manche falls down some goddamn snake hole and of course it'll be my own goddamn fault even though i never wanted the goddamn dog in the goddamn first place manche get back here squirrel i have to kick my way through the grass getting grublets stuck to my shoes one smashes as i kick it off leaving a green smear across my sneakers which i know from experience ain't coming out manche i rage squirrel squirrel squirrel he's barking around the tree and the squirrels skittering back and forth on the tree trunk taunting him come on whirler dog says it's noise come on come get come on come get whirler whirler whirler squirrel todd squirrel god damn animals are stupid i grabbed manche by the collar and hit him hard across his back leg oh todd oh i hit him again and again oh todd come on i say my own noise raging so loud i can barely hear myself think which is something i'm about to regret you watch whirler boy whirler boy thinks the squirrel at me come get whirler boy you can f off too i say except i don't say f i say what f stands for and i really really should have looked round again because here's aaron right here rising out of the grass from nowhere rising up and smacking me across the face scratching my lip with this big ring then bringing his hand back the other way closed as a fist catching my cheekbone but at least missing my nose because i'm falling into the grass trying to fall away from his punch and i let go a manchester and off he runs back to the squirrel barking his head off the traitor and i hit the grass with my knees and my hands getting grublet stains all over everything and i stay there on the ground breathing aaron stands over me his noise coming at me in fragments of scripture and of his next sermon and language young todd and the finding of a sacrifice and the saint chooses his path and god hears and the wash of pictures that's in everyone's noise of things familiar and glancing flashes of what the forsaken but up flies a loud bit of his sermon to block it out and i look up into his eyes and suddenly i don't want to know i can already taste the blood where his ring cut my lip and i don't want to know he never comes out here men never do they have their reasons men do and it's just me and my dog only ever but here he is and i don't don't don't want to know he smiles down at me through that beard of his smiles down at me in the grass a smiling fist language young todd he says binds us like prisoners on a chain haven't you learned anything from your church boy and then he says his most familiar preaching if one of us falls we all fall yes aaron i think with your mouth todd yes aaron i say and the f's he says and the geds because don't think i didn't hear them as well your noise reveals you reveals us all not all i think but at the same time i say sorry aaron he leans down to me his lips close to my face and i can smell the breath that comes out of his mouth smell the weight of it like fingers grabbing for me god hears he whispers god hears he raises a hand again and i flinch and he laughs and then he's gone like that heading back toward the town taking his noise with him i'm shaking from the charge to my blood at being hit shaking from being so fired up and so surprised and so angry and so much hating this town and the men in it that it takes me a while till i can get up and go get my dog again what was he effing doing out here anyway i think and i'm so hacked off still so raging with anger and hate and fear yes fear shut up that i don't even look around to see if aaron heard my noise i don't look round i don't look round and then i do look round and i go and get my dog aaron todd aaron don't say that name again manche bleeding todd todd todd todd bleeding i know shut up whirler he says as if it don't mean nothing his head is empty as the sky i smack his rump don't say that neither oh todd we keep on walking staying clear of the river on our left it runs down through a series of gulches at the east of town starting way up to the north past our farm and coming down the side of the town until it flattens out into a marshy part that eventually becomes the swamp you have to avoid the river and especially that marshy part before the swamp trees start because that's where the crocs live easily big enough to kill an almost man and his dog the fins on their backs look just like a row of rushes and if you get too close whoa out of the water they come flying at you with their claws grasping and their mouth snapping and you pretty much ain't got no chance at all then we get ourselves down past the marshy part and i try to take in the swamp quiet as it approaches there's nothing to see down here no more really which is why men don't come and the smell too i don't pretend it don't smell but it don't smell nearly so bad as men make out they're smelling their memories they are they're not smelling what's really here they're smelling it like it was then all the dead things spaks and men had different ideas for burial spax just used the swamp threw their dead right into the water let them sink which was fine because they were suited for swamp burial i guess that's what ben says water and muck and spackle skin worked fine together didn't poison nothing just made the swamp richer like men due to soil then suddenly of course there were a whole lot more specks to bury than normal too many for even a swamp this big to swallow and it's a ruddy big swamp too and then there were no live specs at all were there just spack bodies and heaps piling up in the swamp and rotting and stinking and it took a long time for the swamp to become swamp again and not just a mess of flies and smells and who knows what extra germs they'd kept saved up for us i was born into all that all that mess the overcrowded swamp and the overcrowded cemetery and the not crowded enough town so i don't remember nothing don't remember a world without noise my paw died of sickness before i was born and then my mom died of course no surprises there ben and killian took me in raised me ben says my mom was the last of the women but everyone says that about everyone's ma ben may not be lying he believes it's true but who knows i'm the youngest of the whole town though i used to come out and throw rocks at field crows with reg oliver seven months and eight days older and liam smith four months and 29 days older and seb mundy who was the next youngest to me three months and a day older but even he don't talk to me no more now that he's a man no boys do once they turn 13 which is how it goes in prentice town boys become men and they go to their men only meetings to talk about who knows what and boys most definitely ain't allowed and if you're the last boy in town you just have to wait all by yourself well you and a dog you don't want but never mind here's the swamp and in we go sticking to the paths that take us round and over the worst of the water weaving our way around the big bulby trees that grow up and out of the bog to the needly roof yards and yards up the air is thick and it's dark and it's heavy but it's not a frightening kind of thick and dark and heavy there's lots of life here tons of it just ignoring the town as you please birds and green snakes and frogs and kivitz and both kinds of squirrel and i promise you a casser or two and sure there's red snakes to watch out for but even though it's dark there's slashes of light that comes down from holes in the roof and if you ask me which granted you may not be to me the swamps like one big comfy not very noisy room dark but living living but friendly friendly but not grasping leg on practically everything until he must be running out of pee and then he heads off under a bush burbling to himself finding a place to do his other business i guess but the swamp don't mind how could it it's all just life going over itself returning and cycling and eating itself to grow i mean it's not that it's not noisy here sure it is there's no escaping noise not nowhere at all but it's quieter than the town the loud is a different kind of loud because swamp loud is just curiosity creatures figuring out who you are and if you're a threat whereas the town knows all about you already and wants to know more and wants to beat you with what it knows till how can you have any of yourself left at all swamp noise though swamp noise is just the birds all thinking they're worrisome little birdy thoughts where's food where's home where's my safety and the waxy squirrels who are all little punks teasing you if they see you teasing themselves if they don't and the rusty squirrels who are like dumb little kids and sometimes they're swamp foxes out in the leaves who you can hear faking their noise to sound like the squirrels they eat and even less often there are mavens singing their weird maven songs and once i swear i saw a caster running away on two long legs but ben says i didn't says the casters are long gone from the swamp i don't know i believe me manche comes out of the bushes and sits down next to me because i've stopped right there in the middle of a trail he looks around to see what i might be seeing and then he says good poo todd i'm sure it was manche i'd better not get another ruddy dog when my birthday comes what i want this year is a hunting knife like the one ben carries on the back of his belt now that's a present for a man boo man she says quietly on we walk the main bunch of apple trees is a little ways into the swamp down a few paths and over a fallen log that manche always needs help over when we get there i pick him up around his stomach and lift him to the top even though he knows what i'm doing he still kicks his legs all over the place like a falling spider making a fuss for no reason at all hold still you gonk down down down he yelps scrabbling away at the air idiot dog i plop him on the top of the log and climb up myself we both jumped down to the other side manche barking jump as he lands and keeping on barking jump as he runs off the leap over the log is where the dark of the swamp really starts and the first thing you see are the old spackle buildings leaning out toward you from shadow looking like melting blobs of tan colored ice cream except hut sized no one knows or can remember what they were ever supposed to be but best guess by ben who's a best guess kind of guy is that they had something to do with burying their dead maybe even some kind of church even though the spikes don't have no kind of religion anyone from princeton could recognize i keep a wide distance from them and go into the little grove of wild apple trees the apples are ripe nearly black almost edible as killian would say i pick one off the trunk and take a bite the juice dribbling down my chin what manche i take the plastic bag i've got folded in my back pocket and start filling it with apples done he barks again and this time i notice how he's barking it and i turn and he's pointed at the spackle buildings and his furs all ridged up on his back and his ears are flicking all over the place i stand up straight what is it boy he's growling now his lips pulled back over his teeth i feel the charge in my blood again is it a crock i say quiet todd man she growls but what is it is quiet todd he lets out a little bark and it's a real bark a real dog bark that means nothing but bark and my body electricity goes up a bit like charges are going to start leaping out of my skin listen he growls and so i listen and i listen and i turn my head a little and i listen some more there's a hole in the noise which can't be it's weird it is out there hiding somewhere in the trees or somewhere out of sight a spot where your ears and your mind are telling you there's no noise it's like a shape you can't see except by how everything else around it is touching it like water in the shape of a cup but with no cup it's a hole and everything that falls into it stops being noise stops being anything just stops all together it's not like the quiet of the swamp which is never quiet obviously just less noisy but this this is a shape a shape of nothing a hole where all noise stops which is impossible there ain't nothing but noise in this world nothing but the constant thoughts of men and things coming at you and at you and at you ever since the spax released the noise germ during the war the germ that killed half the man and every single woman my ma not accepted the germ that drove the rest of the men mad the germ that spelled the end for all spackle once men's madness picked up a gun god man she spooked i can hear it what todd what's it todd can you smell anything just smell quiet todd he barks then he starts barking louder quiet quiet and then somewhere around the spac buildings the quiet moves my blood charge leaps so hard it about knocks me over manche yelps in a circle around me barking and barking making me double spooked and so i smack him on the rump again oh todd to make myself calm down there's no such thing as holes i say no such thing as nothing so it's gotta be a something don't it something todd manchin barks can you hear where it went it's quiet todd you know what i mean man she sniffs the air and takes one step two then more toward the spackle buildings i guess we're looking for it then i start walking all slow like up to the biggest of the melty ice cream scoops i stay out of the way of anything that might be looking out the little bendy triangle doorway manches sniffing at the door frame but he's not growling so i take a deep breath and i look inside it's totally empty the ceiling rises up to a point about another length of me above my head floors dirt swamp plants growing in it now vines and such like but nothing else which is to say no real nothing no hole and no telling what might have been here before it's stupid but i gotta say it i'm wondering if the spackle are back but that's impossible but a hole in the noise is impossible so something impossible has to be true i can hear manches snuffling around again outside so i creep out and i go to the second scoop there's writing on the outside of this one the only written words anyone's ever seen in the spac language the only words they ever saw fit to write down i guess the letters are spec letters but ben says they make the sound espakili or such like espakili the spackle spax if you want to spit it which since what happened happened is what everyone does means the people there's nothing in the second scoop neither i step back out into the swamp and i listen again i put my head down and i listen and i reach with the hearing parts of my brain and i listen there too and i listen and listen i listen quite quiet manche barks twice real fast and peels off running again toward the last scoop i take off after i'm running myself my blood charging because that's where it is that's where the hole in the noise is i can hear it well i can't hear it that's the whole point but when i run toward it the emptiness of it is touching my chest and the stillness of it pulls at me and there's so much quiet in it no not quite silence so much unbelievable silence that i start to feel really torn up like i'm about to lose the most valuable thing ever like there it is a death and i'm running and my eyes are watering and my chest is just crushing and there's no one to see but i still mind and my eyes start crying they start crying they start effing crying and i stop for a minute and i bend over and jesus h damn it you can just shut up right now but i waste a whole stupid minute just a whole stinking stupid minute bent over there by which time of course the hole is moving away it's moved away it's gone manchester and twixt racing after it and coming back to me but he finally comes back to me crying todd shut up i say and aim a kick at him it misses on purpose two prentice town we get ourselves out of the swamp and head back toward town and the world feels all black and gray no matter what the sun is saying even manche barely says nothing as we make our way back up through the fields my noise churns and bubbles like a stew on the boil till finally i have to stop for a minute to calm myself down a little there's just no such thing as silence not here not nowhere not when you're asleep not when you're by yourself never i am todd hewitt i think to myself with my eyes closed i am 12 years and 12 months old i live in prentiss town a new world i will be a man in one month's time exactly it's a trick ben taught me to help settle my noise you close your eyes and as clearly and calmly as you can you tell yourself who you are because that's what gets lost in all that noise i am todd hewitt todd hewitt man she murmurs to himself beside me i take a deep breath and open my eyes that's who i am i'm todd hewitt we walk on up away from the swamp and the river up the slope of the wild fields to the small ridge at the south of town where the school used to be for the brief and useless time it existed before i was born boys were taught by their ma at home and then when there were only boys and men left we just got sat down in front of vids and learning modules till mayor apprentice outlawed such things as detrimental to the discipline of our minds may apprentice has a point of view and so for almost half a stupid year all the boys were gathered up by sad-faced mr royal and plunked out here in an outbuilding away from the main noise of the town not that it helped it's nearly impossible to teach anything in a classroom full of boys noise and completely impossible to give out any sort of test you cheat even if you don't mean to and everybody means to and then one day mayor apprentice decided to burn all the books every single one of them even the ones in men's homes because apparently books were detrimental as well and mr royal a soft man who made himself a hard man by drinking whiskey in the classroom gave up and took a gun and put an end to himself and that was it for my classroom teaching ben taught me the rest at home mechanics and food prep and clothes repair and farming basics and things like that also a lot of survival stuff like hunting and which fruits you can eat and how to follow the moons for directions and how to use a knife and a gun and snake bite remedies and how to calm your noise as best you can he tried to teach me reading and writing too but mayor prentice caught wind of it in my noise one morning and locked ben up for a week and that was the end of my book learning and what with all that other stuff to learn and all the working on the farm that still has to be done every day and all the just plain surviving i never ended up reading too good don't matter ain't nobody in prentice town ever gonna write a book manche and me get past the school building and up on the little ridge and look north and there it is the town itself not that there's all that much left of it no more one shop used to be two one bar used to be two one clinic one jail one non-working gas station one big house for the mayor one police station the church one short bitter road running through the center paved back in the day never up kept sense goes to gravel real quick all the houses and such are out and about outskirts like farms meant to be farms some still are some stand empty some stand worse than empty and that's all there is apprentice town population 147 and falling falling falling 146 men and one almost man ben says there used to be other settlements scattered around new world that all the ships landed about the same time 10 years or so before it was born but that when the war started with the spax when the spax released the germs and all the other settlements were wiped out the apprentice town was nearly wiped out too that it only survived because of mayor prentice's army skills and that even though mayor apprentice is a nightmare coming and going we at least owe him that because of him we survive alone on a whole big empty womanless world that ain't got nothing good to say for itself in a town of 146 men that dies a little more with every day that passes some men can't take it can they they off themselves like mr royal or some of them just plain disappear like mr galt our old neighbor who used to run the other sheep farm or mr michael our second best carpenter or mr van wyk who vanished the same day his son became a man it's not so uncommon if your whole world is one noisy town with no future sometimes you just gotta leave even if there ain't nowhere else to go because as me the almost man looks up into that town i can hear the 146 men who remain i can hear everybody last one of them their noise washes down the hill like a flood let loose right at me like a fire like a monster the size of the sky come to get you because there's nowhere to run here's what it's like here's what every minute of every day of my stupid stinking life in this stupid stinking town is like never mind plugging your ears it don't help at all [Music] um up shut it up and them's just the words the voices talking and moaning and singing and crying there's pictures too pictures that come to your mind in a rush no matter how much you don't want them pictures of memories and fantasies and secrets and plans and lies lies lies because you can lie in the noise even when everyone knows what you're thinking you can bury stuff under other stuff you can hide it in plain sight you just don't think it clearly or you convince yourself that the opposite of what you're hiding is true and then who's going to be able to pick out from the flood what's real water and what's not going to get you wet men lie and they lie to themselves worst of all in a for instance i've never seen a woman nor a spackle in the flesh obviously i've seen them both in vids of course before they were outlawed and i see them all the time in the noise of men because what else do men think about except sex and enemies but the specs are bigger and meaner looking in the noise than in the vids ain't they and noise women have lighter hair and bigger chests and wear less clothes and are a lot freer with their affections than in the vids too so the thing to remember the thing that's most important of all that i might say in this here telling of things is that noise ain't truth noise is what men want to be true and there's a difference twix those two things so big that it could really well kill you if you don't watch out home todd man she barks a bit louder down by my leg because that's how you gotta talk in the noise yeah we're going i say we live on the other side to the northeast and we're going to have to go through the town to get there so here it comes as fast as i can get through it first up is mr phelps's store it's dying the store is like the rest of the town and mr phelps spends all his time despairing even when you're buying stuff from him and he's polite as can be the despair of him seeps at you like puss from a cut and then says his noise ending it's all ending and rags and rags and rags and my julie my dear dear julie who was his wife and who don't wear no clothes at all in mr phelps's noise hiya todd he calls as manche and i hurry by hi mr phelps beautiful day ain't she she sure is mr phelps barks manche and mr phelps laughs but his noise just keeps saying ending and julie and rags and pictures of what he misses about his wife and what she used to do as if it's supposed to be unique or something i don't think anything particular in my noise for mr phelps just my usual stuff you can't help though i must admit i found myself thinking it all a little bit louder to cover up thoughts about the hole i found in the swamp to block it out behind louder noise don't know why i should do this don't know why i should hide it but i'm hiding it manche and me carry on walking pretty fast because next is the gas station and mr hammer the gas station don't work no more because the fission generator that made the gas went for fluid last year and just sits there beside the gas station like a hulking ugly hurt toe that no one had lived next to it except mr hammer and mr hammers much worse than mr phelps because he'll aim his noise right at you and it's ugly noise angry noise pictures of yourself in ways that you don't want pictures of yourself violent pictures and bloody pictures and all you can do is make your own noise as loud as you can and try to sweep up mr phelps's noise in it too and send it right back to mr hammer apples and ending and fist overhand and van and julie and the generator is flickering and rags and shut up just shut up and look at me boy and i turn my head anyway even though i don't want to but sometimes you get caught off guard and so i turn my head and there's mr hammer in his window looking right at me in one month he thinks and there's a picture from his noise and it involves me standing on my own but somehow even more alone than that and i don't know what it means or if it's real or if it's a purposeful lie and so i think about a hammer going into mr hammer's head over and over and he just smiles from his window the road curves round the station past the clinic which is dr baldwin and all the crying and moaning men do to doctors when nothing's really wrong with him today it's mr fox complaining about how he can't breathe which would be a pityable thing if he didn't smoke so much and then as you pass the clinic god almighty you get the stupid stupid bar which even at this hour of the day is just a howl of noise because what they do there is turn the music up so loud it's meant to drown out noise but that only works part way and so you get loud music and loud noise and worse drunk noise which comes at you like a mallet shouts and howls and weeping from men whose faces never change and just horror pilations of the past and all the women it used to be a whole lot about the women they used to be but nothing that makes any sense cause drunk noise is like a drunk man blurry and boring and dangerous it gets hard to walk around the center of town hard to think about the next step because so much noise is weighing on your shoulders i honestly don't know how men do it i don't know how i'm going to do it when i become a man unless something changes on the day that i don't know about the road bears up past the bar and to the right going by the police station and the jail all one place and in use more than you might think for a town so small the sheriff is mr prentice jr who's barely two years older than me and only been a man for a short while but who took to his job well and quick and in his cell is whoever may apprentice has told mr prentice jr to make an example of this week right now it's mr turner who didn't hand over enough of his corn yield to the good use of the whole town which just means he didn't give no free corn to mr prentice and his men so you've gone through the town with your dog and you got all this noise behind you mr phelps and mr hammer and dr baldwin and mr fox and the extra extra noise from the bar and mr apprentice junior's noise and mr turner's moaning noise and you're still not done with the noise of the town because here comes the church the church is why we're all here on new world in the first place of course and pretty much every sunday you can hear aaron preaching about why we left behind the corruption and sin of old world and about how we'd aim to start a new life of purity and brotherhood in a whole new eden that worked out well huh people still go to church though mainly because they have to even though the mayor himself hardly ever bothers leaving the rest of us to listen to aaron preach about how we're the only thing each of us have out here us men together and how all of us have got to bind ourselves in a single community how if one of us falls we all fall he says that one a lot manche and me are quiet as possible going past the front door of the church praying noise comes from inside it's got a special feel to it a special purply sick feel like men are bleeding it out even though it's always the same stuff but the purpley blood just keeps on coming help us save us forgive us help us save us forgive us get us out of here please god please god please god though as far as i know no one's never heard no noise back from this god fella aaron's in there too back from his walk and preaching over the prayers i can hear his voice not just his noise and it's all sacrifice this and scripture that blessings here in sainthood there and he's going on at such a rattle his noise is like great fire behind him and you can't pick out anything in it that he might be up to something might he the sermon might be covering for something and i'm beginning to wonder if i know what that something is and then i hear young todd in his noise and i say hurry up manche and we scoot our way along real quick the last thing you pass as you crest the hill apprentice town is the mayor's house which is the weirdest and hardest noise of all because mayor prentice well mayor prentice is different his noise is awful clear and i mean awful in the awful way he believes see that order can be brought to noise he believes that noise can be sorted out that if you could harness it somehow you could put it to use and when you walk by the mayor's house you can hear him hear him and the man closest to him his deputies and things and they're always doing these thought exercises these counting things and imagining perfect shapes and saying orderly chance like i am the circle and the circle is me whatever that's supposed to mean and it's like he's molding a little army into shape like he's preparing himself for something like he's forging some kind of noise weapon it feels like a threat it feels like the world changing and leaving you behind one two three four four three two one i am the circle and the circle is me one two three four four three two one if one of us falls we all fall i will be a man soon and men do not run in fear but i give manche a little push and we walk even a little faster than before giving the mayor's house as wide a curve as possible till we're past it and on the gravel path that heads on toward our house after a while the town disappears behind us and the noise starts to get a little bit quieter though it never never stops and we can both breathe a bit easier man she barks noise todd yes siree i say quiet in the swamp todd manchin says quiet quiet quiet yes i say and then i think and i hurry and say shut up manche and i smack him on his rump and he says oh todd but i'm looking back toward the town but there's no stopping noise once it's out is there and if it was something you could see moving through the air i wonder if you could see the hole in the noise floating right out of me right out of my thoughts from where i was protecting it and it's such a small bit of noise and it'd be easy to miss in the great roar of everything else but there it goes there it goes there it goes heading right back toward the world of men three ben and killian and just where do you think you've been killian says as soon as manche and i come into view off the path he's lying down on the ground deep into our little fission generator the one outside the front of the house fixing whatever's gone wrong with it this month his arms are covered in grease and his face is covered in annoyance and his noise is buzzy like mad bees and i can already feel myself getting angry and i haven't even properly got home yet i was in a swamp getting apples for ben i say there's work to be done and boys are off playing he looks back into the generator something makes a clunk inside and he says damn it i said i wasn't playing if you'd ever listen i say but it's more like a shout ben wanted apples so i was getting him some ruddy apples uh huh killian says looking back at me and where might these apples be then and of course i'm not holding any apples am i i don't even remember dropping the bag i'd started to fill but of course i must have when when what killian says quit listening so close i say he sighs his killian sigh and here we go it's not like we ask you to do so much around here todd which is a lie but we can't keep this farm running by ourselves which is true and even if you ever finish all your chores which you don't another lie they worked me like a slave we'd still be playing a catch-up to nothing now wouldn't we and this is true too the town can't grow no more it can only shrink and help ain't coming pay attention when i talk to you killian says tension manche barks shut up i say don't talk to your dog that way killian says i wasn't talking to my dog i think loud and clear enough to hear killian glares at me and i glare back and this is how it always is our noise throbbing red with hassle and irritation it's never been so good with killian not never ben's always been the kind one killian's always been the other one but it's got worse as the day approaches when i'll finally be a man and won't have to listen to any more his crap killian closes his eyes and breathes loudly once through his nose todd he starts his voice a bit lower where's ben i say his face hardens a little more lambing starts in a week todd all i do to this is say again where's ben you get the sheep fed and into their paddocks and then i want you to fix the gate to the east field once and for all todd hewitt i have asked you at least twice before now i lean back on my heels well how was your trip to the swamp todd i say making my voice go all sarcastic well it was fine and dandy there killian thanks for asking did you see anything interesting out there in the swamp todd well funny you should ask killian because i sure did see something interesting which might explain this here cut on my lip that you ain't asked about but i guess it'll have to just wait till the sheep are fed and i fix the goddamn fence watch your mouth killian says i don't have time for your games go do the sheep i clench up my fists and make a sound that sounds like which tells killian i just can't put up with his non-reason not for one second longer come on manche i say the sheep todd killian calls as i start walking away the sheep first yeah i'll do the ruddy sheep i mutter to myself i'm walking away faster now my blood jumping and manches getting excited from the roar of my noise sheep he barks sheep sheep todd sheep sheep quiet todd quite in the swamp todd shut up manche i say what was that killian says and there's something in his noise that makes us both turn around he's sitting up by the generator now his full attention on us his noise coming right at us like a laser quite killian man she barks what does he mean quiet killian's eyes and noise are searching me all over what do you care i turn again i got ruddy sheep to feed todd wait he calls after us but then something starts beeping on the generator and he says damn it again and has to go back to it though i can feel all kinds of asking marks and his noise following me getting fainter as i head out to our fields blast him blast him and all i think in more or less those words and worse as i stomp across our farm we live about a mile northeast of town and we do sheep on one half of the farm and wheat on the other wheats harder so ben and killian do most of that since i was old enough to be taller than the sheep that's who i've taken care of me that is not me and manche though another one of the false lying excuses why he was given to me was that i could teach him to be a sheep dog which for obvious reasons by which i mean his complete stupidity hasn't worked out as planned feeding and watering and cheering and lambing and even castrating and butchering i do all these things we're one of three meat and wool providers for the town used to be one of five soon to be one of two because mr majori banks ought to be dying from his drink problem any day now we'll fold his flock into ours i should say i'll fold his flock into ours like i did when mr galt disappeared two winners ago and there'll be new ones to butcher new ones to castrate new ones to sheer new ones to put in pens with use at the right times and will i get a thank you no i will not i am todd hewitt i think the day just keeping on not making my noise any quieter i am almost a man sheep say the sheep when i pass their field without stopping sheep they say watching me go sheep sheep sheep barks manche sheep say the sheep back sheep got even less to say than dogs do i've been listening out for ben's noise over the farm and i've tracked him down to one corner of one of the wheat fields planting's done harvest is months away so there's not so much to do with the wheat at the minute just make sure all the generators and the fission tractor and the electric threshers are ready to start working you'd think this would mean i'd get a little help with the sheep but you would be wrong ben's noise is humming a little tune out near one of the irrigation spouts so i take a turn and head across the field toward him his noise ain't nothing like killians it's calmer and clearer and though you can't see noise if killians always seems reddish then benz seems blue or sometimes green they're different men from each other different as fire and water ben and killian my more or less parents story is my ma was friends with ben before they left for new world that they were both members of the church when the offer of leaving and starting up a settlement was made ma convinced pa and ben convinced killian and when the ships landed and the settlement started it was my mom who raised sheep on the next farm over from ben and killian growing wheat and it was all friendly and nice and the sun never set and men and women sang songs together and lived and loved and never got sick and never never died that's the story from the noise anyway so who knows what it was actually like before because then of course i was born and everything changed the spax released their woman killing germ and that was it for my ma and then the war started and was won and that was it for pretty much the rest of new world and there's me just a baby not knowing nothing about nothing and of course i'm not the only baby there's loads of us and suddenly only half a ton of men to take care of all us babies and boys so a lot of us died and i was counted among the lucky because it was only natural for ben and killian to take me in and feed me and raise me and teach me and generally make it possible for me to go on being alive and so i'm kind of like their son well more than kind of like but less than actually being so ben says killian only fights with me all the time because he cares about me so much but if that's true i say it's a funny way to show it a way that don't seem much like caring at all if you ask me but ben's a different kind of man than killian a kind kind of man that makes him not normal in prentiss town 145 of the men in this town even the newly made ones just past their birthdays even killian though to a lesser degree they see me at best as something to ignore and at worst has something to hit and so i spend most of my days figuring out ways to be ignored so as i won't get hit except for ben who i can't describe much further without seeming soft and stupid and like a boy so i won't just to say that i never knew my paw but if you woke up one day and had a choice of picking one from a selection if someone said here then boy pick who you want then ben wouldn't be the worst choice you could make that morning he's whistling as we approach and though i can't see him yet and he can't see me he changes the tune as he senses me coming to a song i recognize early one more horning just as the sun was rising which he says was a favorite of my mods but which i think is really just a favorite of his since he's whistled and sang it for me since i can remember my blood is still storming away from killian but i immediately start to feel a little bit calmer even though it is a song for babies i know shut up ben then she barks and goes running around the irrigation setup hello manche i hear as i round the corner and see ben's scratching manche twix the ears manches eyes are closed and his leg is thumping on the ground with pleasure and though ben can certainly tell from my noise that i've been fighting with killian again you don't say nothing but hello todd hi ben i look at the ground kicking a stone and ben's noise is saying apples and killian and you're getting so big and killian again and itching the crack of my arm and apples and dinner and gosh it's warm out and it's all so smooth and non-grasping it's like laying down in a brook on a hot day you calming down there todd he finally says reminding yourself who you are yeah i say just why does he have to come at me like that why can't he just say hello not even a greeting it's all i know you've done something wrong and i'm going to keep at you until i find out what it is that's just his way todd you know that so you keep saying i pick a blade of young wheat and stick the end in my mouth not quite looking at him left the apples at the house did you i look at him i chew on the wheat he knows i didn't he can tell there's a reason he says still scratching manche there's a reason which ain't coming clear he's trying to read my noise see what truth he can sift from it which most men think is a good enough excuse for starting a fight but i don't mind with ben he his head and stops scratching manche aaron yeah i saw aaron he did that to your lip yeah that son of a he frowns and steps forward i just might have to have words with that man don't i say don't it'll just be more trouble and it don't hurt that much he takes my chin into his fingers and lifts my head so he can see the cut that son of a he says again quietly he touches the cut with his fingers and i flinch away it's nothing i say you stay away from that man todd hewitt oh like i went running to the swamp hoping to run into him he ain't right well holy crap thanks for that bit of info ben i say and then i catch a bit of his noise that says one month and it's a new thing a whole new bit of something that he quickly covers up with other noise what's going on ben i say what's going on with my birthday he smiles and for a second it's not an entirely true smile for a second it's a worried smile but after that it's a smile true enough it's a surprise he says so don't go looking even though i'm nearly a man and even though i'm nearly getting on up to his height now he still bends down a little so his face is level with mine not too close to be uncomfortable just close enough so that it's safe and i look away a little bit and even though it's been even though i trust ben more than anyone else in this crappy little town even though it's ben who saved my life and who i know would do it again i still find myself reluctant to open up my noise about what happened in the swamp mainly because i can start to feel it pressing on my chest again whenever the thought gets near todd ben says looking at me closely quiet manche bark softly quite in swamp ben looks at manche then back at me his eyes going all soft and asking and full of concern what's he talking about todd i sigh we saw something i say out there in the swamp well we didn't see it it hid but it was like a rip in the noise like a tear i stopped talking because he stopped listening to my voice i've opened up my noise for him and i'm remembering it as truthfully as i can and he's looking at me something fierce and from way behind me i can hear killian coming and he's calling ben and todd and there's concern in his voice and in his noise and benz is starting to buzz a little too and i just keep thinking as truthfully as i can about the hole we found in the noise but quietly too quietly quietly so as to keep the town from hearing if i can and here comes killian still and ben's just looking at me and looking at me till finally i have to ask is it spaxx i say is it the spackle are they back ben killian's yelling it now as he's coming across the fields are we in danger i ask ben will there be another war but all ben says is oh my god real quiet-like and then he says it again oh my god and then without even moving or looking away he says we have to get you out of here we have to get you out of here right now four don't think it killian comes running up but before he says anything to us ben cuts him off and says don't think it ben turns to me don't you think it neither you cover it up with your noise you hide it you hide it as best you can and he's grabbing my shoulders as he's saying it and squeezing tight enough to make my blood jump even more than it already is what's going on i say did you walk home through town killian asks course i walked home through town i snap what are the effing way is there to get home killian's face tightens up but it's not with being pissed off at me snapping it's tightening up with fear fear i can hear loud as a shout in his noise they don't yell at me for effing neither which makes it all somehow worse man she's barking his head off by this point jillian quiet effin todd but nobody's bothering to tell him to shut up killian looks at ben we're gonna have to do it now i know ben says what's going on i say again all loud like do what now i twist away from ben and stand looking at them both ben and kelly and take another look at each other and then back at me you have to leave princess town ben says my eyeballs go back and forth twix theirs but they're not letting nothing go in their noise except general worry what do you mean i have to leave princess town i say there ain't nowhere else on new world but prentice town they take yet another look at each other stop doing that i say come on killian says we've already got your bag packed how can you already have my bag packed killian says to ben we probably don't have much time and ben says to killian he can go down by the river and killian says to ben you know what this means and ben says to killian it doesn't change the plan what the f is going on i roar but i don't say f now do i cause it seems the situation calls for something a little stronger what effin plan but they're still not getting mad ben lowers his voice and i can see him trying to get his noise into some kind of order and he says to me it's very very important you keep what happened in the swamp out of your noise as best you can why are the specs coming back to kill us don't think about it killian snaps cover it up keep it deep and quiet till you're so far out of town no one can hear you now come on he takes off back toward the house running actually running come on todd ben says not till someone explains something you'll get an explanation ben says taking me by the arm and pulling me along you'll get more than you ever wanted and there's so much sadness to him when he says it that i don't say nothing more just follow along running back to the house manche barking his head off behind us by the time we make it back to the house i'm expecting i don't know what i'm expecting an army of spackle coming out of the woods a lineup of mayor prentice's men with guns at the ready the whole house burning down i don't know ben and killian's noise ain't making much sense my own thoughts are boiling over like a volcano and manchu won't stop barking so who can tell anything in all this racket but there's no one there the house our house is just as it was quiet and farm-like killian busts in the back door goes into the prayer room which we never use and starts pulling boards up from the floor ben goes to the pantry and starts throwing dried foods and fruit into a cloth sack then he goes to the toilet and takes out a small medi-pack and throws that in too i just stand there like a doofus wondering just what in the effin blazes is going on i know what you're thinking how can i not know if all day every day i'm hearing every thought of the two men who run my house that's the thing though noise is noise it's crash and clatter and it usually adds up to one big mash of sound and thought and picture and half the time it's impossible to make any sense of it at all men's minds are messy places and noise is like the active breathing face of that mess it's what's true and what's believed and what's imagined and what's fantasized and it says one thing and a completely opposite thing at the same time and even though the truth is definitely in there how can you tell what's true and what's not when you're getting everything the noise is a man unfiltered and without a filter a man is just chaos walking i ain't leaving i say as they keep doing their stuff they don't pay me no mind i ain't leaving i say again as ben steps past me into the prayer room to help killian lift up boards they find what they're looking for and killian lifts out a rucksack an old one i thought i'd lost ben opens the top and takes a quick peek through and i can see some clothes of mine and something that looks like is that a book i say you were supposed to burn those ages ago but they're ignoring me and the air has just stopped right there as ben takes it out of the rucksack and he and killian look at it and i see that it's not quite a book more a journal type thing with a nice leather cover and when ben thumbs through it the pages are cream colored and filled with handwriting ben closes it like it's an important thing and he wraps it inside a plastic bag to protect it and puts it in the rucksack they both turn to me i ain't going nowhere i say and there's a knock on the front door for a second nobody says nothing everyone just freezes manches got so many things he wants to bark that nothing comes out for a minute until he finally barks door but killian grabs him by the collar with one hand and by the mall with the other shutting him up we all look up at each other wondering what to do next there's another knock and then a voice comes through the walls i know you're in there damn it blast ben says davey ruddy prentice killian says that's mr prentice jr the man of the law do you not think i can hear your noise mr apprentice junior says through the door dennison moore killian boyd the voice makes a little pause todd hewitt well so much for hiding i say crossing my arms still a little annoyed at it all killian and ben look at each other again then killian lets go a manche says stay here to both of us and heads for the door ben shoves the sack of food into the rucksack and ties it shut he hands it to me put this on he whispers i don't take it at first but he gestures with a serious look so i take it and put it on it weighs a ton we hear killian open the front door what do you want davey that's sheriff prentice to you killian we're in the middle of lunch davey killian says come back later i don't think i will i think i need to have a word with young todd ben looks at me worrying his noise todd's got farm work killian says he's just leaving out the back i can hear him go and these are instructions for me and ben ain't they but i really well want to hear what's going on and i ignore ben's hand on my shoulder trying to pull me toward the back door you take me for a full killian mr prentice jr says do you really want an answer to that davey i can hear his noise not 20 feet behind you bends too we hear a shift in the mood i just want to talk to him he ain't in no trouble why you got a rifle then davey killian asks and ben squeezes my shoulder probably without even thinking mr prentice jr's voice and noise both change again bring him out killian you know why i'm here seems like a funny little word floated out of your boy into town all innocent like and we just want to see what it's all about that's all we killian says his honor the mayor would like a word with young todd mr prentice jr raises his voice you all come out now you hear ain't no trouble going on just a friendly chat ben nods his head at the back door all firm like and there ain't no arguing with him this time we start stepping toward it slowly but manches kept his trap shut for just about as long as he can bear and barks todd y'all ain't thinking about sneaking out the back way are ya mr prentice jr calls out of my way killian get off my property davey killian says i ain't telling you twice i believe you've already told me about three times davey so if you're threatening it ain't working there's a pause but the noise from them both gets louder and ben and i know what's coming next and suddenly everything's moving fast and we hear a loud thump followed quick by another two and me and ben and manche are running to the kitchen but when we get there it's over mister prentiss jr is on the floor holding his mouth blood already coming from it killian's got mr prentiss junior's rifle in his hands and is pointing it at mr prentiss jr i said get off my property davey he says mr prentice jr looks at him then looks at us still holding his bloody mouth like i say he ain't barely two years older than me barely able to even get a sentence out without his voice breaking but he's had his birthday to be a man so there he is our sheriff the blood from his mouth is getting on the little brown hairs he calls a mustache and everyone else calls nothing you know this answers the asking don't you he spits some blood in a tooth on our floor you know this ain't the end he looks right at my eye you found something didn't you boy killian aims the rifle at his head out he says we got plans for you boy mr prentice jr smiles bloodily at me and gets to his feet the boy who's last one more month ain't it i look to killian but all he does is the rifle loudly getting his point across mr prentice jr looks back at us spits again and says be seeing you trying to sound tough but his voice squeaks and he takes off as fast as he can back to the town killian slams the door behind him todd's gotta go now back through the swamp i know ben says i was hoping me too killian says whoa whoa i say i ain't going back to the swamp there's spackle there keep your thoughts quiet killian says that's more important than you know well since i don't know nothing that ain't hard i say i ain't going nowhere until someone tells me what's going on todd ben starts they'll be coming back todd killian says davey prentice will come back and he won't be alone and we won't be able to protect you from all of them at once but no arguing killian says come on todd ben says manches gonna have to go with you oh man this just gets better i say todd killian says and i look at him and he's changed a little there's something new in his noise a sadness a sadness like grief todd he says again then suddenly he grabs me and hugs me to him as hard as he can it's too rough and i bash my cut lip on his collar and say ow and push him away you may hate us for this todd he says but try to believe it's only because we love you all right no i say it's not all right it's not all right at all the killian's not listening as usual he stands up and says to ben go run i'll hold him off as long as possible i'll come back a different way ben says see if i can throw him off the trail they clasp hands for a long minute then ben looks at me says come on and as he's dragging me out of the room to get to the back door i see killian pick up the rifle again and he glances up at me and catches my eye and there's a look to him a look written all over him and his noise that this is a bigger goodbye than it even seems but this is it the last time he ever expects to see me and i open my mouth to say something but then the door closes on him and he's gone five the things you know i'll get you to the river ben says as we hurry across our fields for the second time this morning you can follow it down to where it meets the swamp there ain't no path that way ben i say and there's crocs everywhere you trying to get me killed he looks back at me his eyes all level but he keeps on hurrying there's no other way todd crocs swamp quiet poo man she barks i've stopped even asking what's going on since nobody seems to want to tell me nothing so we just keep on moving past the sheep still not in their paddocks and now maybe never get in there sheep they say watching us pass on we go past the main barn down one of the big irrigation tracks turning right at a smaller one heading toward where the wilderness starts which pretty much means the beginning of the rest of this whole empty planet then don't start talking again until we get to the tree line food in your rucksack to last you for a bit but you should make it stretch as far as you can eating what fruit you find and anything you can hunt how long do i gotta make it last i ask how long till i can come back ben stops we're just inside the trees the river is a hundred feet away but you can hear it because this is where it starts rushing downhill to get to the swamp suddenly it feels like just about the loneliest place in the whole wide world you ain't coming back todd ben says quietly you can't why not i say and my voice comes out all mewing like a kitten but i can't help it what i do ben ben comes up to me you didn't do anything todd you didn't do anything at all he hugs me real hard and i can feel my chest start to press again and i'm so confused and frightened and angry nothing was different in the world this morning when i got out of bed and now here i am being sent away and ben and killian acting like i'm dying and it ain't fair and i don't know why it ain't fair but it just ain't fair i know it ain't fair ben says pulling himself away and looking me hard in the face but there is an explanation he turns me around and opens my rucksack and i can feel him taking something out the book i look at him and look away you know i don't read too good ben i say embarrassed and stupid he crouches down a bit so we're truly face to face his noise ain't making me comfortable at all i know he says gentle like i always meant to try and spend more time he stops he holds out the book again it's your mom's he says it's her journal starting from the day you were born todd he looks down at it till the day she died my noise opens wide my ma my ma's own book ben runs his hand over the cover we promised her we keep you safe he says we promised her and then we had to put it out of our minds so there was nothing in our noise nothing that would let anyone know what we were gonna do including me i say it had to be including you if just a little bit got into your noise and then into the town you don't finish like the silence i found in the swamp today i say like that getting into town and causing all this havoc no that was a surprise he looks up at the sky like he's telling it just how completely a surprise it all was no one would have guessed that happening it's dangerous ben i could feel it but all he does is hold out the book again i start shaking my head ben i know todd he says but try your best no ben he catches my eyes again he holds him with his own do you trust me todd hewitt i scratch my side i don't know how to answer course i do i say or at least i did before you started packing bags i didn't know about for me he looks at me harder his noise focused like a sunray do you trust me he asks again i look at him and yeah i do even now i trust you ben then trust me when i say that the things you know right now todd those things ain't true which things i ask my voice rising a little why can't you just tell me cuz knowledge is dangerous he says as serious as i've ever seen him and when i look into his noise to see what he's hiding it roars up and slaps me back if i told you now it would buzz in you louder than a hive at honey gathering time and may apprentice would find you as fast as he could spit and you have to get away from here you have to as far away as you can but where i say there ain't nowhere else ben takes a deep breath there is he says there's somewhere else i don't say nothing to that fold it in the front of the book ben says there's a map i made it myself but don't look at it and i tell you well out of town okay just go to the swamp you'll know what to do from there but i can tell from his noise that he's not at all sure i'll know what to do from there or what i'm gonna find there do you you don't say nothing to that and i'm thinking how did you know to have a bag already packed at the swamp you'll know what to do from there but i can tell from his noise that he's not at all sure i'll know what to do from there or what i'm gonna find there do you you don't say nothing to that and i'm thinking how did you know to have a bag already packed i say stepping back a little if this thing in the swamp is so unexpected why are you so ready to chuck me out into the wilderness today it was the plan all along ever since you were little i see him swallow i hear a sadness everywhere as soon as you were old enough to make it on your own you were just gonna throw me out so the crocs could eat me i'm stepping back farther no todd he moves forward the book's still in his hand a step back he makes a gesture like okay and he closes his eyes and opens up his noise for me one month's time is the first thing it says and here comes my birthday the day i'll become a man and and and there it all is what happens what the other boys did who became men all alone all by themselves how every last bit of boyhood is killed off and and and what actually happened to the people who holy crap and i don't want to say no more about it and i can't say at all how it makes me feel i look at ben and he's a different man than he always was he's a different man than the one i've always known knowledge is dangerous it's why no one tells you he says to keep you from running you wouldn't have protected me i say mewing again shut up this is how we're protecting you todd he says by getting you out we had to be sure you could survive on your own that's why we taught you all that stuff now todd you have to go if that's what's happening in a month why wait this long why not take me away sooner we can't come with you that's the whole problem and we couldn't bear to send you off on your own to see you go not so young he rubs the cover of the book with his fingers again and we were hoping there might be a miracle one where we wouldn't have to lose you says his noise but there ain't been no miracle i say after a second he shakes his head he holds out the book i'm sorry he says i'm so sorry it has to be this way and there's so much true sorrow in his noise so much worry and edginess i know he's speaking true i know he can't help what's happening and i hate it but i take the book from him and i put it back in the plastic and into the rucksack we don't say nothing more what else is there to say everything and nothing you can't say everything so you don't say nothing he pulls me to him again hitting my lip on his collar just like killian but this time i don't pull away always remember he says when your ma died you became our son and i love you and killian loves you always have always will i start to say i don't want to go but it never comes out cause bang goes the loudest thing i ever heard in princeton like something's blowing right up right on up to the sky and it can only be coming from our farm ben lets me go real quick he ain't saying nothing but his noise is screaming killian all over the place i'll come back with you i say i'll help you fight no ben shouts you have to get away promise me go through the swamp and get away i don't say nothing for a second promise me ben says again demanding it this time promise man she barks and there's fear even in that i promise i say ben reaches behind his back and unclasps something he wriggles it for a second or two before it comes unlatched completely he hands it to me it's his hunting knife the big ratchety one with the bone handle and the serrated edge that cuts practically everything in the world the knife i was hoping to get for the birthday when i became a man it's still in his belt so i can wear it myself take it he says take it with you to the swamp you may need it i never fought a spackle before ben he still holds out the knife and so i take it there's another bang from the farm ben looks back toward it then back to me go follow the river down to the swamp and out run as fast as you can and you better damn well not turn back todd hewitt he takes my arm and grips it hard if i can find you i'll find you i swear it he says but you keep going todd you keep your promise this is it this is goodbye a goodbye i wasn't even looking for ben go he shouts and takes off looking back once as he runs and then racing off back to the farm back to whatever's happening at the end of the world six the knife in front of me come on manche i say turning to run though every bit of me wants to follow ben as he's running across the fields a different way just like he said to confuse anyone out looking for noise i stopped for a second when i hear a bunch of smaller bangs from the direction of the house which gotta be rifle shots and i think of the rifle that killian took from mr prentiss jr and all the rifles that may apprentice and his men have locked away in the town and how all those guns against killian's stolen rifle and the few others we got in the house ain't gonna be much of a fight for very long and it gets me wondering what the bigger bangs were and i realized they were probably killian blowing up the generators to confuse the men and make everyone's noise so loud they can't hear even the whisper of mine way out here all this for me to get away come on manche i say again and we run the last few feet to the river then we take a right and start following the river downhill keeping away from the rushes at the water's edge the rushes where the crocs live i take the knife from its sheath and i keep it in my hand as we move along fast what's on todd man she keeps barking which is his version of what's going on i don't know manche shut up so i can think the rucksacks banging into my back as we run but we keep going as best we can kicking through river shrubs and jumping over fallen logs i'll come back that's what i'll do i'll come back they said i'd know what to do and now i do know i'll go to the swamp and kill the spackle if i can and then i'll come back and help killian and ben and then we can all get away to this somewhere else ben was talking about yeah that's what i'll do promise todd manchi says sounding worried as the ridge we're going along is getting closer and closer to the rushes shut up i say i promise to keep on going but maybe keep on going means coming back first todd manchi says and i don't believe it either we've gotten out of hearing distance from the farm and the river veers away east a little before it enters the top of the swamp so it's taking us away from the town too and after a minute there ain't nothing following us as we run said my noise and manches noise and the sound of the running river which is just loud enough to cover the noise of a hunting croc ben says that's evolution but he says not to think about it too much around aaron i'm breathing heavy and manchester like he's about to keel over but we don't stop the sun is starting to set but it's still light as anything light that don't feel like it's going to hide you the ground is flattening out and we're getting down closer to river level as it all starts turning to marsh everything's getting muddier and it's making us slow down there's more rushes too can't be helped listen for crocs i say to manche keep your ears open because the water from the river is slowing and if you can keep your own noise quiet enough you can start to hear them out there the grounds got even wetter we're barely making walking pace now sloshing through mud i grip the knife harder and hold it out in front of me todd man she says do you hear them i whisper trying to watch my step and watch the rushes and watch out for manche all at the same time rockstar manchy says pretty much as quiet as he can bark i stop and i listen hard and out there in the rushes out there in more than one place i can hear him flash they're saying lash and feast and tooth crap i say crocs man she says again come on i say and we start splashing along because we're in muck now my shoes start sinking with each step and water's coming up over the top of them and there's no way to go except through the rushes i start swinging the knife as we go trying to cut any rush that's in front of me i look ahead and i can see where we're going up and to the right we've made it past the town and it's the part where the wild fields come down by the school and meet up with the swamp and if we get through this marshy part here we'll be on safe ground and we can get onto the paths that head into the dark of the swamp was it really only this morning i was here last hurry up manche i say almost there flash and feast and tooth and i swear it's getting closer come on flash god i'm cutting my way through the rushes and pulling my feet out of mud and flesh and beast and tooth and then i hear whirler dog and i know we're done for run i yell and we run and manchy lets out a frightened yelp and leaps past me but i see a croc rear up out of the rushes in front of him and it jumps for him but manchester scared he jumps even higher higher than he really knows how and the crocs teeth snap on empty air and it lands with a splash next to me looking mighty pissed off and i hear its noise hiss whirler boy and i'm running and it jumps for me and i'm not even thinking and i'm turning and i'm pushing my hand up and the croc comes crashing down on top of me and it's mouth is open and it's claws out and i think i'm about to be dead and i'm thrashing my way back out of the muck up onto the dry part and it's on his hind legs coming after me out of the rushes and it takes a minute of me yelling and a manche barking his head off before i realize that it's not actually coming after me no more that the crocs dead that my new knife is right through its head still stuck in the croc and the only reason the crocs still thrashing is because i'm still thrashing and i shake the croc off the knife and the croc falls to the ground and i sort of just fall over to in celebration of not being dead and it's when i'm gasping for air from the rush of my blood and man she's barking and barking and we're both laughing from relief that i realize we've been too loud ourselves to hear something important going somewhere young todd aaron standing right over me before i can do nothing he punches me in the face i fall backward onto the ground the rucksack digging into my back and making me look like an upturned turtle my cheek and my eye are just singing with pain and i haven't even moved properly before aaron's grabbing me by my shirt front and the skin beneath and lifting me to my feet i yell out from how much it hurts man she barks an angry aaron and goes for aaron's legs but aaron doesn't even look before kicking him out of the way hard aaron's holding me up to look him in the face i can only keep the one non-painful eye open to meet his just what in the name of god's bounty has glorified eden are you doing down here in the swamp todd hewitt he says his breath smelling like meat and his noise the scariest kind of crazy you never want to hear you're supposed to be at your farm right now boy with his free hand he punches me in the stomach i try to bend over with the pain of it but he's still holding onto my shirt front and the skin below you gotta go back he says there's things you need to see i'm gasping for breath but the way he says it catches my ear and some of the flickers i'm catching in his noise make it so i can see a little bit of the truth you sent them i say it wasn't me they heard it was you smart boys make useless men he says twisting his gripping hand i cry out but i ready well keep talking too they didn't hear the quiet and my noise they heard it in your noise and you sent them to me to keep them from coming after you oh no todd he says they heard it in your noise i just made sure they did i made sure they knew who was responsible for bringing danger to our town he grits his teeth into a wild smile beneath his beard and who should be rewarded for his efforts you're crazy i say and boy is it ever true and boy do i wish it wasn't his smile falls and his teeth clench harder it's mine todd he says mine i don't know what this means but i don't stop to think about it because i realize instead that both aaron and i have forgotten one important thing i never let go of the knife a whole bunch of things happen at once aaron hears knife in my noise and realizes his mistake he pulls back his free fist to make another punch i pull back my knife hand and i wonder if i can actually stab him there's a breaking sound from the rushes and manche barks croc and all at the same time we hear whirler man before aaron can even turn the croc is on him clamping its teeth onto his shoulder and grabbing him with its claws and pulling him back toward the rushes aaron lets go of me and i fall to the ground again clutching at all the bruises he's left on my chest i look up and i see aaron thrashing in the muck now fighting with the croc and the fins on the backs of other crocs heading his way too out of here manches barking almost shrieking too f and right i say and i stumbled on my feet the rucksack knocking me a little off balance and my hurt eye trying to peel open but we don't stop and we run and we run and we run we get out of the marshes and run along the bottom of the fields to the start of the swamp path and we run into the swamp along it and when we get to the log that manche always needs help over he just sails right over it without even stopping and i'm right behind him and we're running our way to the spackle buildings just like we were this morning and the knife is still in my hand and my noise is thudding so loud and i'm so frightened and hurt and mad that i know beyond any shadow of a thought that i'm going to find the spackle hiding in his noise hole and i'm going to kill him dead dead dead for everything that's happened today where is it i ask manche where's the quiet man she's sniffing away like mad running from building to building and i'm doing my best to calm my noise but there don't seem any chance of that hurry i say before it runs and it's barely out of my mouth before i hear it the rip in the noise as big and horrible as life itself i can hear it a little bit away behind the spackled buildings behind some bushes it ain't getting away this time quiet manche barks all keyed up and he runs past the buildings and into the bushes and the quiet moves too and though i can feel the pressure in my chest again and the terrible mournful things coming into my eyes this time i don't stop this time i run after my dog and i don't stop and i take in my breath and i swallow away the pressure and i wipe the water from my eyes and i grip the knife and i can hear manche barking and i can hear the silence and it's just around this tree just around this tree just around this tree and i'm yelling and i'm going around the tree and i'm running at the silence and my teeth are bad and i'm screaming and manchester and i stop i stop right there in my tracks i don't i do absolutely not put down the knife there it is looking back at us breathing heavy crouched at the base of a tree cowering from manche its eyes practically dying from fright but still trying to offer up a pitiful threat with its arms and i just stop i hold my knife sparkle man she barks though he's too chicken to attack now that i've held back spackle spackle spackle shut up manche i say smackle i said shut up i shout which stops him spackle manchy says unsure of things now i swallow trying to get rid of the pressure in my throat the unbelievable sadness that comes and comes as i look at it looking back at me knowledge is dangerous and men lie and the world keeps changing whether i want it to or not because it ain't a spackle it's a girl i say it's a girl part two seven if there was it's a girl i say again i'm still catching my breath still feeling the pressure on my chest definitely still holding the knife way out in front of me a girl it's looking back at us like we're gonna kill it it's hunched down in a little ball trying to make itself as small as possible only taking its eyes off manche to snatch quick glances of me of me and my knife man she's huffing and puffing his back fur all ridged hopping around like the ground is hot looking as charged up and confused as i am though completely hopeless about keeping in any way cool watch girl he barks watch girl by which he means what's a girl watch girl man she barks again and when the girl looks like it might be about to make a leap back over the large route where it's huddling manchester bark turns into a fierce growl stay stay stay stay good dog i say though i don't know why it's good what he's doing but what else can you say this makes no sense no sense at all and everything feels like it's starting to slip like the world is a table tilted on its side and everything on it is tipping over i am todd hewitt i think to myself but who knows if that's even true anymore who are you i finally say if they can even hear me over all my raging noise and manche's nervous breakdown who are you i say louder and clearer what are you doing here where did you come from it looks at me finally for more than just a second taking its eyes off manche it looks at my knife then it looks at my face above my knife she looks at me she does she i know what a girl is of course i do i seen him in the noise of their fathers in town mourned like their wives but not nearly so often i seen him in vids too girls are small and polite and smiley they wear dresses and their hair is long and it's pulled into shapes behind their heads or on either side they do all the inside the house chores while boys do all the outside they reach womanhood when they turn 13 just like boys reach manhood and then they're women and they become wives that's how new world works or at least that's how princess town works worked was meant to anyhow but there ain't no girls they're all dead they died with their mothers and their grandmothers and their sisters and their aunties they died in the months after i was born all of them every single one but here one is and its hair ain't long her hair her hair ain't long and she ain't wearing no dress she's wearing clothes that look like way newer versions of mine so new they're almost like a uniform even though they're torn and muddy and she ain't that small she's my size just by the looks of her and she sure as all that's unholy not smiley no not smiley at all michael manchi barks quietly would you effing well shut up i say so how do i know how do i know it's a girl well for one she ain't no spackle speckle looked like men with everything a bit swelled up everything a bit longer and weirder than on a man their mouths a bit higher than they should be and their ears and eyes way way different and specs grew their clothes right on their bodies like lichens you could trim away to whatever shape you needed product of swamp dwelling according to another ben best guess and she don't look like that and her clothes are normal and so there ain't no way she's a spackle and for two i just know i just do i can't tell you but i look and i see and i just know she don't look like the girls i've seen in vids or in noise and i never seen no girl in the flesh but there she is she's a girl and that's that don't ask me something about her shape something about her smell something i don't know but it's there and she's a girl if there was a girl that's what she'd be and she ain't another boy she just ain't she ain't me she ain't nothing like me at all she's something completely other else altogether and i don't know how i know but i know who i am i am todd hewitt and i know what i am not and i am not her she's looking at me she's looking at my face in my eyes looking and looking and i'm not hearing nothing oh man my chest it's like falling who are you i say again but my voice actually catches like it breaks up because i'm so sad shut up i grip my teeth and i get a little madder and i say it yet again who are you and i hold out the knife a little farther with my other arm i have to wipe my eyes real fast something's gotta happen someone's gotta move someone's gotta do something and they know someone but me still whatever the world's doing can you talk i say she just looks back at me quiet man she barks shut it manche i say i need to think and she's still just looking back at me with no noise at all what do i do it ain't fair ben told me i'd get to the swamp and i'd know what to do but i don't know what to do they didn't say nothing about a girl they didn't say nothing about why the quiet makes me ache so much i can barely stop from ready weeping like i'm missing something so bad i can't even think straight like the emptiness ain't in her it's in me and there ain't nothing that's ever gonna fix it what do i do what do i do she seems like maybe she's calming down she's not shaking as much as she was her arms on up so high and she's not looking like she's about to run off at the first opportunity though how can you know for sure when a person's got no noise how can they be a person if they ain't got no noise and can she hear me can she can a person with no noise hear it at all i look at her and i think as loud and clear as i can can you hear me can you but she don't change her face she don't change it look okay i say and i take a step back okay you just stay there okay you just stay right there i take a few more steps back but i keep my eyes on her and she keeps her eyes on me i bring my knife arm down and i slide it out of one strap of the rucksack and i lean over and drop the rucksack to the ground i keep the knife in one hand and with the other i open up the rucksack and fish out the book it's heavier than you'd think a thing made of words could be and it smells of leather and there's pages and pages of my mods that'll have to wait you watch her manche i say watch he barks i look inside the front cover and there's the paper folded in just like ben said i unfolded there's a hand-drawn map on one side and then a whole bunch of writing on the back but it's all a big block of letters which i ain't got the calmness of noise to even try right now so i just look at the map our house is right at the top and the town just below with the river manche and i came down off to one side leading into the swamp and that's where we are now but there's more to it ain't there the swamp keeps going till it starts being a river again and there's arrows drawn along the riverbank so that's where ben is wanting me and manche to go and i follow the arrows with my fingers and they lead right out of the swamp they lead right to whomp the world goes bright for a second as something clubs me upside the head right on the sore spot where aaron punched me and i fall over but as i'm falling i swing the knife up and i hear a little yelp of pain and i catch myself before i fall all the way down and i turn sitting down on the ground hard holding the back of my knife hand to the pain in my head but looking at where the attack came from and it's here that i learned my very first lesson things with no noise can sneak right up on you sneak right up on you like they ain't even there the girl is on her butt too sitting on the ground away from me holding on to one of her upper arms with her hand blood coming from twixtor fingers she's dropped the stick she hit me with and her face is all collapsed in on itself with what she must be feeling from that cut what the hell you do that for i shout trying not to touch my face too hard man i'm sick of being hit today the girl just looks at me her forehead still creased holding her cut which is kinda bleeding a lot stick todd man she barks and where the hell were you i say to him poo todd i make a gah sound and i kick some dirt at him he scrabbles back then starts sniffing at some bushes like there ain't nothing unusual going on in the world dogs got attention spans about as long as a matchstick idiot things it's starting to get dark now the sun really setting the already dark swamp getting even darker and i still don't have no answer time keeps passing and i ain't supposed to wait here and i ain't supposed to go back and there ain't supposed to be a girl boy that cut really is bleeding on her hey i say my voice shaky from the charge running through me i am todd hewitt i think i am almost a man hey i say again trying to be a little calmer the girl looks at me i ain't gonna hurt you i say breathing hard just like her you hear me i ain't gonna hurt you as long as you don't try to hit me with no more sticks alright she looks at my eyes and she looks at the knife is she understanding i lower the knife away from my face and bring it down near the ground i don't let go of it though with my free hand i start looking through the rucksack again till i find the medi-pack bend through in i hold it up medi-pack i say she doesn't change mad dear pack i say slowly i point to my own upper arm to where the cut is on her you're bleeding nothing i sigh and i start to stand she flinches and scoots back on her butt i sigh again in an angry way i ain't gonna hurt you i hold up the medi-pack it's medicine it'll stop the bleeding still nothing maybe there ain't nothing in her at all look i say and i snap open the medi-pack i fumble with one hand and take out an antiseptic pad tearing away the paper cover with my teeth i'm probably bleeding from where first aaron hit me and then the girl so i take the pad and rub it over my eye and eyebrow i pull it away and yep there's blood i hold the pad out to the girl so she can see it see i point to my eye see it stops things bleeding i take a step forward just the one she flinches but not as much i take another step then another and then i'm next to her she keeps looking at the knife i ain't putting it down so just forget it i say i push the pad toward her arm even if it's deep this stitches it up okay i'm trying to help you todd manchy barks full of asking marks in a minute i say look you're bleeding everywhere okay and i can fix it all right just don't get any ideas about any more ruddy sticks she's watching and she's watching and she's watching and i'm trying to be as calm as i really don't feel i don't know why i'm helping her not after she whacked me on the head but i don't know what to do about anything ben said there'd be answers in the swamp and there ain't no answers it's just this girl who's bleeding because i cut her even though she deserved it and if i can stop the bleeding then maybe that's doing something i don't know i don't know what to do so i just do this the girl's still watching me still breathing heavy but she ain't running and she ain't flinching and then so you can hardly tell at all she's turning her upper arm toward me a little bit so i can reach the cut todd man she barks again shush i say not wanting to scare the girl anymore being this close to her silence is like my heart breaking all over the place i can feel it like it's pulling me down into a bottomless pit like it's calling for me to just fall and fall and fall but i keep my nerve i do i keep it and i press the antiseptic pad on her arm rubbing the cut which is pretty deep till it closes a bit and stops bleeding you gotta be careful i say that ain't a permanent heel you gotta be careful with it till your body heals the rest okay and all she does is look at me okay i say to myself as much as anyone cause now that that's done what's next todd manchin barks todd and no more sticks all right i say to the girl no more hitting me todd man she again and obviously my name's todd and they're just there just there in the fading light is there a little beginning of a start of a smile is there can you i say looking as deep into her eyes as the pressure in my chest allows you understand me todd manchi's barking picks up a notch a turn to him what todd todd and then we can all hear it pounding through the bushes and breaking branches and running footsteps and noise and noise and all crap noise get up i say to the girl get up now i grab my rucksack and put it on and the girl's looking terrified but in a not helpful paralyzed way and i shout come on to her again and i grab her arm not thinking about the cut now and i try to lift her to her feet but all of a sudden it's too late and there's a yell and a roar and a sound like whole trees falling down and me and the girl can only turn to look and it's aaron and he's mad and he's messed up and he's coming right for us eight the choices of a knife he's on us in three steps before i can even try to run he's coming at me with his hands out grabbing my neck smashing me back against a tree you little filth he screams and presses his thumbs into my throat i scrabble at his arms trying to slash him with the knife but my rucksack has fallen and the strap is pinned my arm back against the tree so he can pretty much go on strangling me for as long as it takes his face is a nightmare a horrible thing i'm not gonna stop seeing even if i ever get out of this the crocs took his left ear and a long strip of flesh with it going right down his left cheek you can see his teeth through the gash and it's causing his left eye to bulge forward like his head's been caught in mid-explosion there are other gashes on his chin and neck and his clothes are torn and there's blood practically everywhere and i can even see a croc tooth sticking out of a fleshy tear on his shoulder i'm choking for breath but i'm not getting any at all and you can't believe how much it hurts and the world's gone spinning and my brain's going funny and i have this stupid little thought that aaron didn't survive the crack attack after all that he died but he's so pissed off at me that dying didn't stop him from coming here to kill me anyway what are you smiling at he screams little bits of blood and spit and flesh spraying onto my face he squeezes my neck harder and i can feel myself throwing up but there's nowhere for it to go and i can't breathe and all the lights and colors are flowing together and i'm dying and i'm gonna die ah aaron suddenly jerks back letting me go i drop to the ground and throw up all over everywhere and take in a huge gasp in breath that makes me cough in a way like i'm never gonna stop i look up and see manchester wrapped around aaron's calf biting it for all he's worth good dog aaron slams manchy sideways with an arm sending him flying into the bushes i hear a thump and a yelp and a todd aaron whirls around to me again and i just can't stop looking at his face at the gashes everywhere that no one could have survived no one it's not possible maybe he really is dead where's the sign he says his torn expression changing real quick and looking around in a sudden panic the sign that the girl i look to she's gone aaron whirls again this way that and then i see him hearing at the same time i do hearing the rustle and snap as she runs here in the silence as it flows away from us and without another look at me he takes off after her and he's gone and just like that i'm alone just like that like i have nothing to do with anything here what a stupid day this has been todd manchi comes limping out of the bushes i'm okay buddy i try to say and get some of it out despite the coughing even though it ain't true i'm okay i try to keep breathing through the coughs forehead on the ground dribbling spit and barf everywhere i keep breathing and these thoughts start coming they come all uninvited don't they because maybe that could be it couldn't it maybe it could be over simple as that the girl's obviously what aaron wants whatever he means by the sign right the girl's obviously what the town wants what with all the ruckus over the quiet my noise and so if aaron can have her and the town can have her then that could be the end of it right they could have what they want and leave me alone and i could go back and everything could be like it was before and yeah it would probably be no good for the girl but it might save ben and killian it might save me i'm just thinking it all right the thoughts rush in that's all thoughts that this could be over as soon as it started over manche murmurs and then i hear the terrible terrible scream that of course is the girl getting caught and that's the choice made ain't it the next scream comes a second later but i'm already on my feet without even really thinking it slipping off my rucksack leaning a bit coughing still reaching for more breath but the knife in my hand and running they're easy to follow aaron's torn through the bushes like a bull and his noise is throwing up a roar and always always always there's the silence of the girl even behind her screams which somehow makes it even harder to hear i run as best i can after them man she on my heels and it ain't more than half a minute before we're there with genius me having no idea what to do now i've got here aaron's chased her into a bit of water about ankle deep and got her back up against a tree he's got her wrists in his hands but she's fighting him fighting and kicking for all she's worth but her face is a thing so scared i can barely get my words out leave her alone my voice rasps but no one hears me aaron's noise is blazing so loud i'm not sure he'd hear me even if i yelled the holy sacrament and the sign from god and the path of the saint and pictures of the girl in a church pictures of the girl drinking the wine and eating the host pictures of the girl as an angel the girl as a sacrifice aaron gets both of her wrists in one of his fists fumbles off the cord belt of his robe and starts tying her hands together with it the girl kicks him hard where manche bit him and he hits her across the face with the back of his hand leave her alone i say again trying to make my voice louder alone manchester still limping but still ferocious what a ruddy good dog i stepped forward aaron's backs to me like he don't even care i'm here like he don't even think of me as a threat let her go i try to shout but it just makes me cough some more still nothing though still nothing from aaron or anyone i'm gonna have to do it i'm gonna have to do it oh man oh man oh man i'm gonna have to do it i'm gonna have to kill him i raise the knife i've raised the knife aaron turns not even fast like just turns like someone's called his name he sees me standing there knife in the air not moving like the goddamn coward idiot i am and he smiles and boy i just can't say how awful a smile looks on that torn up face your nose reveals you young todd he says letting go of the girl who's so tied up and beaten now she don't even try to run aaron takes a step toward me i take a step back shut up please just shut up the mayor will be disappointed to hear about your untimely departure from the earthly plane boy aaron says taking another step i take another step too the knife in the air like it's of no use at all but god has no use for a coward aaron says does he boy quick as a snake his left arm knocks into my right sending the knife flying out of my hand he hits me in the face with the flat of his right hand knocking me back down into the water and i feel his knees land on my chest and his hands pressing down on my throat to finish the job but this time my face is underwater so it's going to be a lot faster i struggle but i've lost i've lost i've had my chance and i've lost and i deserve this and i'm fighting but i'm not nearly as strong as i was before and i can feel the end coming i can feel me giving up i'm lost lost and then in the water my hand finds a rock boom i'll bring it up and hit him on the side of the head before i can think about it boom i'll do it again boom and again i feel him slide off me and i lift my head choking on water and air but i sit up and raise the rock again to hit him but he's laying down in the water face half in half out his teeth smiling up at me through the gash in his cheek i scrabble back from him coughing and spluttering but he stays there sinking a little not moving i feel like my throat is broken but i throw up some water and can breathe a little better todd todd todd man she says coming up to me all licky and barky like a little puppy i scratch him twix the ears cause i can't say nothing yet and then we both feel the silence and look up and there's the girl standing over us her hands still tied holding the knife in her fingers i sit frozen for a second and manchy starts to growl but then i realize i take a few more breaths and then i reach up and take the knife from her fingers and cut the cord air and bound her wrists with it drops away and she rubs where it was tied still staring at me still not saying nothing she knows she knows i couldn't do it god damn you i think to myself god damn you she looks at the knife she looks over at aaron lying down in the water he's still breathing he gurgles water with every breath but he's still breathing i grip the knife the girl looks at me at the knife at aaron at me again is she telling me is she telling me to do it he's lying there undefended probably eventually drowning and i have a knife i get to my feet fall down from dizziness and get to my feet again i step toward him i raise my knife again the girl takes in a breath and i can feel her holding it man she says todd and i have my knife raised over aaron one more time i've got my chance one more time i've got my knife raised i could do it no one on new world would blame me it'd be my right i could just do it but a knife ain't just a thing is it it's a choice it's something you do a knife says yes or no cut or not die or don't a knife takes a decision out of your hand and puts it in the world and it never goes back again aaron's gonna die his face is ripped his head is bashed he's sinking into shallow water without ever waking up he tried to kill me he wanted to kill the girl he's responsible for the ruckus in town he's gotta be the one who sent the mayor to the farm and because of that he's responsible for bannon killian he deserves to die he deserves it and i can't bring the knife down to finish the job who am i i am todd hewitt i'm the biggest effing waste of nothing known to man i can't do it god damn you i think to myself again come on i say to the girl we gotta get out of here nine when luck ain't with you at first i don't think she's gonna come there's no reason for her to no reason for me to ask her but when i say to her come on a second time more urgently and gesture with my hand she follows me follows manche and that's how it is that's what we do who knows if it's right but that's what we do nights well and truly fallen the swamp seems even thicker here as black as anything we rush on back a ways to get my rucksack and then around and a little bit farther away in the dark to get some distance between us and aaron's body please let it be a body we clam around trees and over roots getting deeper into the swamp when we get to a small clearing where there's a bit of flat land and a break in the trees i stop us i'm still holding the knife it rests there in my hand shining at me like blame itself like the word coward flashing again and again it catches the light of both moons and my god it's a powerful thing a powerful thing like i'd have to agree to be a part of it rather than it being a part of me i reach behind me and put it in the sheath between my back and the rucksack where at least i won't have to see it i take the rucksack off and fish through it for a flashlight do you know how to use one of these i asked the girl switching it on and off a couple of times she just looks at me as ever never mind i say my throat still hurts my face still hurts my chest still hurts my noise keeps pounding me with visions of bad news of how good a fight ben and killian managed to put up at the farm of how long it'll take mr prentice jr to find out where i've gone of how long it'll take him to be on his way after me after us not long at all if he ain't already so who ruddy cares if she knows how to use a flashlight of course she don't i get the book out of the rucksack using the torch for a light i open up to the map again and i follow ben's arrows from our farm down the river and through the swamp and then out of the swamp as it turns back into river it's not hard to find your way out of the swamp out on the horizon beyond it you can always see three mountains one close and two farther away but next to each other the river on ben's map goes twix the closer one and the two farther away ones so all we got to do is keep heading toward that space in the middle and we should find the river again and follow it follow it to where the arrows keep going keep going to another settlement there it is right there at the bottom of the page where the map ends a whole other place as if i don't have enough new stuff to think about i look up at the girl still staring at me maybe not even blinking i shine the flashlight in her face she winces and turns away where'd you come from i ask is it here i point the flashlight down at the map and put my finger on the other town the girl don't move so i wave her over she still don't move so i sigh and pick up the book and take it over to her and shine the flashlight on the page i i point to myself am from here i point to our farm north apprentice town on the map this i say waving my arms around to show the swamp is here i point at the swamp we need to go here i point at the other town ben's written the other town's name underneath but well whatever is this where you're from i point to her point to the other town point to her again are you from here she looks at the map but other than that nothing i sigh in frustration and step away from her it's uncomfortable being so close well i sure hope so i say studying the map cause that's where we're going todd manche barks i look up the girls started to wander around in circles in the clearing looking at stuff like it means something to her what are you doing i ask she looks at me at the flashlight in my hand and she points through some trees what i say we don't have time she points through the trees again and starts walking there hey i say hey i guess i have to follow we gotta stick to the map i duck under the branches to follow her the rucksack getting caught left and right hey wait up i stumble on manche behind me the flashlight not much good against every ruddy little branch and root and puddle in a great big swamp i keep having to drop my head and tear the rucksack free of stuff so i can barely look ahead enough to follow her i see her standing by a fallen burnt looking tree waiting for me watching me come what are you doing i say finally catching up with her where are you and then i see the tree is burned freshly burned and freshly knocked over too the unburned splinters clean and white like new wood and there are a bunch of trees just like it a whole line of them in fact on either side of a great ditch gouged out of the swamp now filled with water but piled up dirt and burned plants all around it show it's got to be a new thing like someone came through here and dug it up in one fiery swoop what happened i swing the flashlight along it what did this she just looks off to the left where the ditch disappears in the darkness i shine the flashlight down that way but it's not strong enough to see what's down there though it feels like something's there the girl takes off into the darkness toward whatever it might be where are you going i ask not expecting an answer and not getting any man she gets twixed me and the girl like he's following her now instead of me and off they go in the dark i keep my distance but i follow too the silence still flows from her still bothers me like it's ready to swallow up the whole world and me with it i keep the flashlight shining over every possible square inch of water crocs don't usually come this far into the swamp but that's only usually plus there's red snakes that are poisonous and water weasels that bite and it just don't feel like luck is bothering with any of us today so if something can go wrong it's probably gonna we're getting closer and i shine the flashlight down to where we're heading and something starts glinting back something that ain't tree or bush or animal or water something metal something big and metal what's that i say we get closer and at first i think it's just a big fission bike and i wonder what kind of idiot would try to ride a fission bike in a swamp because you can barely get him to work over flattened dirt roads much less water and roots but it ain't a fission bike hold up the girl stops what do you know the girl stops so you can understand me then but nothing as ever nothing well hold up for a sec i say because a thought's coming we're still a bit away from it but i keep flicking the flashlight over the metal and back over the straight line that the ditch makes and over the metal again and over all the burned stuff on either side of the ditch and a thought keeps coming the girl stops waiting and heads off toward the metal and i follow we have to go around a big burned log still lazily smoking in one or two spots to get to the thing and when we do it's much bigger than the biggest fission bike and even then it looks like it's only part of an even bigger something than that it's crumpled and burned in most places and even though i don't know what it looked like before it crumpled and burned it's obviously mostly wreckage and it's obviously wreckage of a ship an airship maybe even a spaceship is this yours i ask shining the flashlight at the girl she don't say nothing as usual but she don't say it in a way that could be agreement did you crash here i shine the flashlight up and down her body up and down her clothes which are a bit different than what i'm used to sure but not so different that they couldn't have belonged to me once upon a time where'd you come from i say but of course she don't say nothing and just looks off to a place farther into the darkness crosses her arms and starts heading off there i don't follow this time i keep looking at the ship that's what it's got to be i mean look at it a lot of it smashed beyond recognition but you can still see something that might be a hull might be an engine even something that might have been a window the first homes in prentiss towns see were made from the ships the original settlers landed in sure wood and log homes got built after but ben says the first thing you do when you land is build immediate shelter and immediate shelter comes from the first supplies to hand the church and the gas station back in town are still partly made out of metal hulls and holds and rooms and such and though this heap of wreckage is pretty pounded if you look at it right it might be an old prentice town house that fell right out of the sky right out of the sky on fire todd man she barks from somewhere out of sight todd i go running round to where the girl disappeared round the wreckage to a part that seems less smashed up as i run past i can even see a door that's been opened out the side of one wall of metal a little way up and there's even a light on inside todd man she barks and i shine the flashlight over to where he's barking standing next to the girl she's just standing there looking down at something and so i shine the flashlight and see that she's standing by two long piles of clothes which are actually two bodies ain't they i walk over shining the flashlight down there's a man his clothes and body pretty much completely burned away from the chest down his face has burns too but not enough to disguise that he was a man he has a wound on his forehead that would have killed him even if the burns hadn't but it don't matter does it cause he's dead either way dead and lying here in a swamp i swing the flashlight over and he's lying next to a woman amy i hold my breath it's the first woman i ever seen in the flesh and it's the same as the girl i never seen a woman in real life before but if there was a real life woman that's what she'd be and dead too of course but nothing as obvious as burns in a gash not even blood on her clothes so maybe she's busted up on the inside but a woman an actual woman i shine the flashlight at the girl she don't flinch that's your mom pawing it i ask my voice low the girl don't say nothing but it's gotta be true i shine the flashlight over the wreckage and think of the burnt ditch behind it and it can only mean one thing she crashed here with her mom and pop they died she lived and if she came from somewhere else on new world or if she came from somewhere else altogether don't matter they died she lived and she was here all alone and got found by aaron when luck ain't with you it's against you on the ground i see drag marks where the girl must have pulled the bodies out of the crash and brought them here but the swamp ain't for burying anything but spackle because after two inches of dirt you pretty much just get water and so here they sit i hate to say it but they do smell though in the overall smell of the swamp it ain't as bad as you'd think so who knows how long she's been here the girl looks at me again not crying not smiling just blank as ever then she walks past me walks back along the drag marks walks to the door i saw open in the side of the wreckage climbs up and disappears inside 10. food and fire hey i say following her over the wreckage we can't be hanging around i get up to the door at the same time she pops out making me jump back she waits for me to step out of the way then climbs down from the door and walks past me carrying a bag in one hand and a couple of small packets in other i look back at the door and stand on tiptoes trying to peek in it all looks like a wreck inside as you'd expect things tumbled everywhere lots of busted everything how do you live through that i ask turning around but she's got herself busy she's put down the bag in the packs and has taken out what looks like a small flat green box she sets it down on a dryish area of ground and piles some sticks on top of it i look at her in disbelief there ain't time to make it she presses a button on the side of the box and whoosh we've got ourselves a whole full-sized instant campfire i just stand there like a fool my mouth wide open i want a campfire box she looks at me and rubs her arms a little bit and it's only then that i really realize i'm soaking wet and cold and achy all over and that a fire is just about the closest thing to a blessing i can think of i look back into the blackness of the swamp as if i'd be able to see anyone coming nothing of course but no sounds neither no one close not yet i look back at the fire only for a second i say i walk over the fire and start warming up my hands keeping my rucksack on she rips open one of the packs and throws it to me and i stare at it again till she dips her fingers into her own pack taking out what must be a piece of dried fruit or something and eating it she's giving me food and fire her face still has no kind of expression at all just blank as a stone as she stands by the fire and eats i start eating too the fruit or whatever are like little shriveled dots but sweet and chewy and i finished the whole pack in half a minute before i notice manche begging pod he says licking his lips oh i say sorry the girl looks at me looks at manche then takes out a small handful from her own pack and holds it out to manche when he approaches she jerks back a little like she can't help it and drops the fruit on the ground instead man she don't mind he gobbles it right up i nod at her she don't nod back it's full-fledged night now dark as anything outside our little circle of light you can only even see stars through the hole in the treetops made by the crashing ship i try to think back over the last week if i heard any distant booms from the swamp but anything this far out could have been drown in the noise apprentice town i suppose and been missed by everyone i think of a certain preacher nearly everyone we can't stay i say i'm sorry about your folks and all but there's others that'll be after us even if aaron's dead at aaron's name she flinches just a little he must have said his name to her or something maybe i'm sorry i say though i don't know what for i shift my rucksack on my back it feels heavier than ever thanks for the grub but we gotta go i look at her if you're coming the girl looks at me for a second and then uses the tip of her boot to knock the burning sticks off the little green box she reaches down presses the button again and picks up the box without even burning herself man i really want one of those things she puts it in the bag she brought out of the wreckage with her and then brings the strap of the bag over her head like her own rucksack like she was planning on coming with me even before now well i say when all she does is stare at me i guess we're ready then neither of us moves i look back to her mom pa she does too but only for a second i want to say something to her something more but what do you say i open my mouth anyway but she starts rummaging in her bag i think it's going to be something to i don't know remember her folks with or make some kind of gesture or something but she finds what she's looking for when it's only a flashlight she flicks it on so she does know how they work and starts walking first toward me then past me as if we're already on our way and that's it like herman pie ain't just lying there dead i watch her go for a second before saying hey she turns back to me not that way i point to our left that way i head off the right way manche following and i look back and the girls coming after us i take one last quick look behind her and as bad as i want to stay and look through that wreckage for more neat stuff and boy do i we gotta go even though it's night even though nobody slept we gotta go and so we do catching side of the horizon through the trees when we can and heading toward the space tweaks the close mountain and the two farther away mountains both moons are more than halfway full and the sky is clear so there's at least a little bit of light to walk by even under the swamp canopy even in the dark keep your ears open i say to manche for what man she barks for things that could get us idiot you can't really run in a dark swamp at night so we walk as fast as we can me shining my flashlight in front of us tripping our way around tree roots and trying not to tromp through too much mud manche goes ahead and comes back sniffing around and sometimes barking but nothing serious the girl keeps up never falling behind but never getting too close neither which is good because even though my noise is about the quietest it's been all day the silence of her still presses on it whenever she comes too near it's weird that she didn't do nothing more about her mom pie when we left ain't it didn't cry or have one last visit or nothing am i wrong i'd give anything to see ben and even killian again even if they were well even if they are but man she says down by my knees i know i scratch him twix the ears we keep on i'd want to bury them if that's what it came to i want to do something i don't know what i stop and look back at the girl but her face is just the same just the same as ever and is it because she crashed and her parents died is it because aaron found her is it because she's from somewhere else don't she feel nothing is she just nothing at all on the inside she's looking at me waiting for me to go on and so after a second i do hours there's hours of this silent nighttime fast creeping hours of it who knows how far we're going or if we're heading the right way or what but hours once in a while i hear the noise of a nighttime creature swamp owls cooing their way to dinner swooping down on probably short-tailed mice whose noise is so quiet it's barely like language at all but mostly all i hear is the now and then fast fading noise of a nighttime creature running away from all the ruckus we must be making by tromping through a swamp at night but the weird thing is there's still no sound of nothing behind us nothing chasing us no noise no branches breaking nothing maybe ben and killian threw them off the trail maybe the reason i'm running ain't so important after all maybe the girl stops to pull her shoe out of some mud the girl no they're coming the only maybe is that maybe they wait until daybreak so they can come faster and so on and on we go getting more and more tired stopping only once so that everyone can have a private pee off in the bushes i get some of ben's food out of my own rucksack and feed small bits to everyone since it's my turn and then more walking and more walking and then there comes an hour just before dawn where there can't be no more we gotta stop i say dropping the rucksack at the base of a tree we gotta rest the girl sets her own bag down by another tree without needing any more convincing and we both just sort of collapsed down leaning on our bags like pillows five minutes i say man she curls up by my legs and closes his eyes almost immediately only five minutes i call over the girl who's pulled a little blanket out of her bag to cover herself with don't get too comfortable we gotta keep going no question of that i'll only close my eyes for a minute or two just to get a little rest and then we'll keep on going faster than before just a little rest that's all i open my eyes and the sun is up only a little but ruddy well up crap we've lost at least an hour maybe two and then i realize it's a sound that's woken me it's noise i panic thinking of men finding us and i scramble to my feet only to see that it ain't a man it's a casser towering over me and manche and the girl food says it's noise i knew they hadn't left the swamp i hear a little gasp from over with the girl's sleeping not sleeping no more the casser turns to look at her and then manches up and barking get get get and the caster's neck swings back our way imagine the biggest bird you ever saw imagine it got so big that it couldn't even fly no more we're talking 10 or 12 feet tall a super long bendy neck stretching up way over your head it's still got feathers but they look more like fur and the wings ain't good for much stunning things they're about to eat but it's the feet you gotta watch out for long legs up to your chest with claws at the end that can kill you with one kick if you're not careful don't worry i call over to the girl they're friendly because they are or they're supposed to be they're supposed to eat rodents and only kick if you attack them but if you don't attack them ben says they're friendly and dopey and will let you feed them and they're also good to eat a combo which made the new settlers apprentice town so eager to hunt them for food that by the time i was born there wasn't a caster to be seen within miles yet another thing i only ever saw in a vid or noise the world keeps getting bigger get get manche barks running in a circle around the casser don't bite it i shouted him the caster's neck is swinging around like a vine following manche around like a cat after a bug food its noise keeps asking not food i say and the big neck swings my way food not food i say again just a dog dog it thinks and starts following manche around again trying to nip him with its beak the beak ain't a scary thing at all like being nipped by a goose but manches having none of it leaping out of the way and barking barking barking i laugh at him it's funny and then i hear a little laugh that ain't my own i look over and the girl is standing by her tree watching the giant bird chase around my stupid dog and she's laughing she's smiling she sees me looking and she stops food i hear and i turn to see the casters starting to poke its beak into my rucksack hey i shout and start shooing it away food here i fish out a small block of cheese wrapped in a cloth that bend packed the caster sniffs it bites it and gobbles it down its neck rippling in long waves as it swallows it snaps its beak a few times like a man might smack his lips after he ate something but then its neck starts rippling the other way and with a loud hack up comes the block of cheese flying right back at me covered in spit but not hardly even crushed smacking me on the cheek and leaving a trail of slime across my face food says the casser and starts slowly walking off into the swamp as if we're no longer even as interesting as a leaf get get man she barks after it but not following i wipe the slime from my face with my sleeve and i can see the girl smiling at me while i do it think that's funny do ya i say and she keeps pretending like she's not smiling but she is she turns away and picks up her bag yeah i say taking charge of things again we slept way too long we gotta go we get going on yet more walking without any more words or smiling pretty quick the ground starts to get less even and a bit drier the trees start to thin out some letting the sun directly on us now and then after a little bit we get to a small clearing almost like a little field that rises up to a short bluff standing just over the treetops we climb it and stop at the top the girl holds out another pack of that fruity stuff breakfast we eat still standing looking out over the trees the way in front of us is clear the large mountain is on the horizon and you can see the two smaller mountains in the distance behind a little bit of haze that's where we're going i say pointing or where i think we're supposed to go anyway she sets down her fruit pack and goes into her bag again she pulls out the sweetest little pair of binocs you've ever seen my old ones back home that broke years ago were like a bread box in comparison she holds them up to her eyes and looks for a bit then hands them to me i take them and i look out to where we're going everything's so clear the ground's stretching out before us in a green forest curving downhill into proper valleys and dales as it starts to become real land again and not just the mucky bowl of a swamp and you can even see where the marsh starts turning back into a real river cutting deeper and deeper canyons as it gets closer to the mountains if you listen you can even hear it rushing i look and i look and i don't see no settlement but who knows what's around the bends and curves who knows what's up ahead i look behind us back the way we came but it's still early enough for the mist to be covering most of the swamp hiding everything giving nothing away those are sweet i say handing her the binocs she puts them back in her bag and we stand there for a minute eating we stand arm's length apart because her silence still bothers me i chew down on a piece of dried fruit and i wonder what it must be like to have no noise to come from a place with no noise what does it mean what kind of place is it is it wonderful is it terrible say you were standing on a hilltop with someone who had no noise would it be like you were alone there how would you share it would you want to i mean here we are the girl and i heading out of danger and into the unknown and there's no noise overlapping us nothing to tell us what the others thinking is that how it's supposed to be i finish the fruit and crumple up the packet she holds out her hand and shoves the rubbish back into her bag no words no exchange just my noise and a great big nothing from her was this what it was like for my mom and paw when they first landed was new world a silent place all over before i look up at the girl suddenly before oh no i'm such a fool i'm such a stupid goddamn fool she has no noise and she came from a ship which means she came from a place with no noise obviously idiot which means she's landed here and hasn't caught the noise germ yet which means that when she does it's gonna do what it did to all the other women it's gonna kill her it's gonna kill her and i'm looking at her and the sun is shining down on us and her eyes are getting wider and wider as i'm thinking it and it's then i realized something else stupid something else obvious just because i can't hear any noise from her don't mean she can't hear every word of mine eleven the book of no answers no i say quickly don't listen i'm wrong i'm wrong it's a mistake i'm wrong but she's backing away from me dropping her own empty packet of fruit things her eyes getting wider no don't i step toward her but she takes an even quicker step away her bag dropping to the ground it's i say but what do you say i'm wrong i'm wrong i was thinking of somebody else which is the stupidest thing to say of all because she can hear my noise can't she she can see me struggling to think of something to say and even if it's coming out a big mess she can see herself all over it and besides i surely know by now there's no taking back something that's been sent out into the world damn it god damn it all the hell damn it man she barks why didn't you say you could hear me i shout ignoring that she ain't said a word since i met her she steps back farther putting a hand up to her face to cover her mouth her eyes sending asking marks at me i try to think of something anything to make it all right but i ain't got nothing just noise with death and despair all over it she turns and runs back down the hill and away from me as fast as she can crap wait i yell already running after her she's going back the way we came down across the little field and disappearing into the trees but i'm right behind her man she after me stop i shout after her wait but why should she what kind of reason could she possibly have to wait around you know she's really amazingly fast when she wants to be man she i call and he understands me and shoots off after her not that i could really lose her any more than she could lose me as loud as my noise is chasing her her silence is just as loud up ahead even now even knowing she's going to die still as silent as a grave hold on i shout tripping over a root and landing hard on my elbows which jolts every ache i've got in my body and face but i have to get up i have to get up and go after her damn it todd i hear manche bark up ahead out of sight i stumble on a bit and get my way around a big mass of shrubs and there she is sitting on a big flat rock jutting out of the ground her knees up to her chest rocking back and forth eyes wide but blank as ever todd man she barks again when he sees me then he hops up on the rock next to her and starts sniffing her leave her alone manche i say but he doesn't he sniffs close at her face licks her once or twice then sits down next to her leaning into her side as she rocks look i say to her catching my breath and knowing i don't know what to say next look i say again but nothing else is coming i just stand there panting not saying nothing and she sits there rocking till there don't seem nothing else to do but sit down on the rock myself keeping a distance away out of respect and safety i guess and so that's what i do she rocks and i sit and i wonder what to do we pass a good few minutes this way a good few minutes when we should be moving the swamp getting on with its day around us till i finally have another thought i might not be right i say as soon as i think it i i could be wrong you see i turn to her and i start talking fast i got lied to about everything and you can search my noise if you want to be sure that's true i stand talking faster there wasn't supposed to be another settlement prentice town was supposed to be it for the whole stupid planet but there's the other place on the map so maybe and i'm thinking and i'm thinking and i'm thinking maybe the germ was only prettistan and if you ain't been in the town then maybe you're safe maybe you're fine cause i sure can't hear nothing from you anything like noise and you don't seem sick so maybe you're okay she's looking at me and still rocking and i don't know what she's thinking maybe probably ain't all that comforting a word when it's maybe you're not dying i keep on thinking letting her see my noise as free and clear as i can maybe we all caught the germ and and yeah i get another thought a good one maybe we cut ourselves off so that the other settlement wouldn't catch it that must be it and so if you stayed in the swamp then you're safe she stops rocking quite so much still looking at me maybe believe in me but then like some doofus who don't know when to stop i'll let that thought go on don't i because if it's true that prentice town was cut off then maybe that other settlement ain't going to be too happy to see me strolling in are they maybe it was the other settlement that did the cutting off in the first place because maybe prentice town really was contagious and if you can catch noise from other people then the girl can catch it from me can't she oh man i say leaning down and putting my hands on my knees my whole body feeling like it's falling even though i'm still standing up oh man the girl hugs herself again on the rock and we're back to even worse than where we started this ain't fair i'm telling you this ain't fair at all you'll know what to do when you get to the swamp todd you'll know what to do yeah thanks very much for that ben thanks for all your help and concern because here i am and i ain't got the first clue what to do it ain't fair i get kicked out of my home i get beaten up the people who say they care for me have been lying all these years i gotta follow a stupid map to a settlement i never knew about i gotta somehow read a stupid book the book a slip off the rucksack and take out the book he said all the answers were in here so maybe they really are except a sigh and open it up it's all written all words all in my ma's handwriting pages and pages and pages of it and i well anyway i go back to the map to ben's writing on the other side the first chance i've had to look at it under something besides a flashlight which ain't really for reading ben's words are lined up at the top go to are the first ones those are definitely the first words and then there are a couple of longer words that i don't have time to sound out yet and then a couple of big paragraphs that i really don't have time for right now but at the bottom of the page ben's underlined a group of words together i look at the girl still rocking and i turn my back to her i put my finger under the first underlined word let's see yeah you it's gotta be you you [Music] the hell does that mean [Music] warren ty [Music] no wait damn it's them of course it's them idiot but you moosed warren damn huh remember when i said ben tried to teach me to read remember when i said i wasn't too good at it well well whatever you moosed warren damn idiot i look at the book again flip through the pages dozens of them dozens upon dozens all with more words in every corner all saying nothing to me at all no answers of any kind stupid effing book i shoved the map back inside slam the cover shut and throw the book on the ground you idiot stupid effing book i say out loud this time kicking it into some ferns i turn back to the girl she's still just rocking back and forth back and forth and i know i know okay i know but it starts to piss me off because if this is a dead end i got nothing more to offer and she ain't offering nothing either my noise starts to crackle i didn't ask for this you know i say she don't even look hey i'm talking to you but nothing nothing nothing nothing i don't know what to do i yell and stand and start stomping around shout until my voice scratches i don't know what to do i don't know what to do i turned back to the girl i'm sorry i'm sorry this happened to you but i don't know what to do about it and stop effing rocking yelling todd man she barks i shout putting my hands over my face i take them away and nothing's changed that's the thing i'm learning about being thrown out on your own nobody does nothing for you if you don't change it you don't get changed we gotta keep going i say picking up my rucksack all angry like you ain't caught it yet so maybe just keep your distance from me and you'll be okay i don't know but that's all there is so that's what we gotta do rock rock rock we can't go back so we gotta go forward and that's that still rocking i know you can hear me she don't even flinch and i'm suddenly tired all over again fine i sigh fine whatever you stay here and rock who cares who ready cares about anything i look at the book on the ground stupid thing but it's what i got so i reached down pick it up put it in the plastic bag back in my rucksack and put my rucksack back on come on manche todd he barks looking twixt me and the girl can't leave todd she can come if she wants i say but i don't even really know what the butt might be but if she wants to stay here and die all alone but if she wants to go back and get caught by mr prentice jr but if she wants to risk catching the noise from me and dying that way what a stupid world hey i say trying to make my voice a little gentler but my noise is so raging there's really no point you know where we're heading right to the river twix the mountains just follow it till you come to a settlement okay maybe she's hearing me maybe she ain't i'll keep an eye out for you i say i understand if you don't want to get too close but i'll keep an eye out for you i stand there for another minute to see if it sinks in well i finally say nice knowing you i start walking away when i get to the big stack of shrubs i turn back giving her one more chance but she ain't changed just rocking and rocking so that's that then off i go banshee reluctantly on my heels looking back as much as he can barking my name all the time todd todd leaving todd todd can't leave todd i finally smack him on the rump oh todd i don't know manche so quit asking we make our way back through the trees to where the ground dries out to the clearing and up the little bluff where we ate our breakfast and looked at the beautiful day and i had my brilliant deduction about her death the little bluff where her bag still lies on the ground oh god damn it i look at it for a second and it's one thing after another ain't it i mean do i take it back to her do i just hope she finds it will i put her in danger if i do will i put her in danger if i don't the sun's fully up now and the sky is blue as fresh meat i put my hands on my hips and take a long look around like men do when they're thinking i look at the horizon look back the way we came the mist mostly burned off by now and the whole swamp forest covered in sunlight from the top of the bluff you can see out over it over where we drove our feet into oblivion by walking it all if it were clear enough and you had powerful enough binocs you could probably see all the way back to town powerful by knox i look down at her bag on the ground there i'm reaching for it when i think i hear something like a whisper my noise leaps and i look up to see if the girl is following me out after all which would make me more relieved than i want to say but it ain't the girl i hear it again a whisper more than one whisper like the wind is carrying whispering on it todd manchi says sniff in the air i squint into the sunlight to look back over the swamp is there something out there i grabbed the girl's bag and looked through it for the binocs there's all kinds of neat crap in there but i take the binox out and look through them just swamp is all i see the tops of swamp trees little clearings of swampy bits of water the river eventually starting to form itself again i take the binocs away from my face and look them over there are little buttons everywhere and i push a few and realize i can make everything look even closer i do that a couple of times and i'm sure i can hear whispering now i'm sure of it i find the gash in the swamp the ditch find the wreckage of her ship but there's nothing there except what we left i look over the top of the binox wondering if i see movement i look through them again a little nearer to us where some trees are rustling but that's only the wind ain't it i scan back and forth pressing buttons to get closer and farther away but i keep coming back to those rustling trees i keep the binocs trained on a kind of open gully type thing twixt me and them i keep the binox there i keep the binocs watching my guts twisting as maybe i'm hearing whispering maybe i ain't i keep watching till the rustling reaches the clearing and i see the mayor himself come out of the trees on horseback leading other men also on horses and they're heading right this way 12. the bridge the mayor not just his son but actually the mayor with his clean hat and his clean face and his clean clothes and his shiny boots in his upright pose we don't never actually get to see him much in prentiss town not no more not if you're not in his close little circle but when you do he always looks like this even through a pair of binocs like he knows how to take care of his self and you don't i push some more buttons till i'm as close as i can get there's five of them no six the men whose noise you hear doing those freaky exercises in the mayor's house i am the circle and the circle is me that kind of thing there's mr collins mr mcinerney mr o'hare and mr morgan all on horses too itself a rare sight cause horses are hard to keep alive on new world and the mayor guards his personal herd with a whole raft of men with guns and there's mr ruddy prentice jr riding up next to his father wearing a shiner from where killian hit him good but then i realized that means whatever happened at the farm is definitely over with whatever happened to ben and killian is done i put the binox down for a second and swallow it away i put the binocs back up the group stopped for a minute and are talking to each other looking over a large piece of paper that's got to be a way better map than mine and oh man oh man you got to be kidding aaron aaron comes walking out of the trees behind him stinking stupid ruddy f and ruddy aaron most of his head is wrapped in bandages but he's pacing the ground a little way back from the mayor waving his hands in the air looking like he's probably preaching even if no one looks like they're listening how how could he have lived doesn't he ever f and die it's my fault my stupid effing fault because i'm a coward i'm a weak and stupid coward and because of that aaron's alive and because of that he's leading the mayor through the ruddy swamp after us because i didn't kill him he's coming to kill me i feel sick i bend over double and hold my stomach moaning a bit my blood is charging so hard i can hear manche creep a little ways away from me it's my fault manche i say i did this your fault he says confused and just repeating what i said but right on the money ain't he i make myself look through the binocs again and i see the mayor call aaron over since men started being able to hear animals thoughts aaron thinks they're unclean and won't go near them so it takes the mayor a couple of tries but eventually aaron comes trumping over to look at the map he listens while the mayor asks him something and then he looks up looks up through the swamp trees and sky looks up to this hilltop looks right at me he can't see me no way can he not without binocs like the girls and i don't see any on the man never saw anything like him in prentiss town gotta be he can't see me but like a great pityless thing he raises his arm and points points it directly at me like i'm sitting across a table from him i'm running before i can even think running back down the bluff and back to the girl as fast as i can reaching behind me and pulling out my knife manche barking up a storm on my heels i get into the trees and down and around the big mess of shrubs and she's still sitting on the rock but at least she looks up as i run to her come on i say grabbing her arm we gotta go she pulls back from me but i don't let go no i shout we have to go now she starts hitting out with her fists clunking me a couple of times on the face but i ain't letting go listen i say and i open up my noise for her she hits me once more but then she's looking looking at my noise as it comes seeing the pictures of what's waiting for us in the swamp check that what's not waiting for us what's making every effort to come get us aaron who won't die bending all his thoughts to finding us in coming this time with men on horseback who are a lot faster than we are the girl's face squishes up like she's in the worst pain ever and she opens her mouth like she's going to yell but nothing comes out still nothing still no noise no sound no nothing at all coming from her i just don't get it i don't know what's ahead i say i don't know nothing about nothing but whatever it is it's gotta be better than what's behind it's gotta be and as she hears me her face changes it clears up to almost blankness again and she presses her lips together go go go man she barks she holds out her hand for her bag i hand it to her she stands shoves the binocs in loops it over her shoulder and looks me in the eye okay then i say and so that's how i set off running full out toward a river for the second time in two days manche with me again and this time a girl on my heels well past my heels most of the time she's ruddy fast she is we go back up the hill and down the other side the last of the swamp really starting to disappear around us and turning into regular woods the ground gets way firmer and easier to run on and it's sloping more downhill than it is up which may be the first piece of luck we've had we start catching the actual river in brief glances off to our left side as we go my rucksack's bashing me in the back as i run and i'm gasping for breath but i'm holding my knife i swear i swear right now before god or whatever if aaron ever comes in my reach again i will kill him i ain't hesitating again no way know how i ain't i swear to you i will kill him i'll ruddy well kill him you just watch me the ground we're running on is getting a bit steeper side to side taking us through leafier lighter trees and bursts closer to the river and then away from it again as we run manchi's tongue is hanging out of his mouth in a big pant bouncing along as we go my heart's thumping a million beats and my legs are about to fall off my body but still we run we veer close to the water again and i call out wait the girl who's got pretty far in front of me stops i run to the river's edge take a swift look around for crocs then lean down and scoop up a few handfuls of water into my mouth tastes sweeter than it really should who knows what's in it coming out of the swamp but you gotta drink i feel the girls silence lean down next to me as she drinks too i scoot a little ways away manche laps up his share and you can hear us all taking in great raking breaths between slurps i look up to where we're going wiping my mouth next to the river is starting to become too rocky and steep to run on and i can see a path cutting its way up from the riverbank going along the top of the canyon a blink as i realize i can see a path someone's cut a path the girl turns and looks the path goes up and along as the river drops below it getting deeper and faster and turning into rapids someone made that path it's got to be the way to the other settlement i say gotta be and then in the distance we hear hoof beats faint but on their way i don't say another word because we're already on our feet and running up the path the river falls farther and farther away beneath us and the larger mountain rears up on the other side of the river on our side there's a thick forest starting to stretch back from the cliff tops the paths clearly been cut so men would have a place to travel down the river it's more than wide enough for horses more than wide enough for five or six in fact it ain't a path at all i realize it's a road we fly along it as it bends and turns the girl ahead then me then manche running along till i nearly bump into her and knock her off the trail what are you doing i shout grabbing onto her arms to keep us both from falling off the cliff trying to keep the knife from accidentally killing her and then i see what she's seeing a bridge way on up ahead of us it goes from one cliff edge to the other crossing the river what's gotta be a hundred feet or more above it the road or path or whatever stops on our side at the bridge and becomes rock and dense forest beyond there's nowhere to go but the bridge the first shades of an idea start to form the hoof beats are louder now and i look back and see clouds of dust rising from where the mayor is following come on i say running past her making for the bridge as fast as i can we pound down the cliff top path kicking up our own dust manches ears flattened back running fast we get there and it's way more than just a foot bridge six feet wide at least it looks like mostly rope tied into wooden stakes driven into the rock at either end with tight wooden planks running all the way to the other side i test it with my foot but it's so sturdy it don't even bounce more than enough to take me and the girl and a dog more than enough to take men on horseback who want to cross it in fact whoever built it meant it to last i look back again down the river at where we've run more dust louder hoof beats and the whispers of men's noise on its way i think i hear young todd but i'm only imagining it because aaron will be way behind on foot but i do see what i want to see this bridge is the only place where you can cross the river from back where we've run to miles farther ahead as you look maybe another piece of luck is coming our way let's go i say we run across and it's so well made you can't even see twix the gaps in the planks of wood we might as well still be on the path we get to the other side and the girl stops and turns to me no doubt seeing my idea and my noise already waiting for me to act the knife is still in my hand power at the end of my arm maybe at last i can do some good with it i look over where this end of the bridge is tied to the stakes in the rock the knife has a fearsome serrated edge on part of the blade so i choose the likeliest looking knot and start sawing on it i saw and saw the hoof beats get louder echoing down the canyon but if there suddenly ain't no bridge i saw some more and some more and some more and i'm just not making no progress at all what the hell i say looking at where i've been cutting there's hardly a scratch there i touch the serration on the knife with my finger and it pricks and bleeds almost immediately look closer at the rope it looks like it's coated in some kind of thin resin some kind of ruddy tough steel-like resin that ain't for cutting i don't believe this i say looking up at the girl she's got her binocks to her eyes looking back the way we came down the river can you see him i look down the river but you don't need binocs at all you can see him coming with your own two eyes small but growing larger and not slowing down thunder in their hooves like there's no tomorrow we've got three minutes maybe four crap i start sawing again fast and strong as i can forcing my arm back and forth hard as i can make it sweat popping out all over the place and new aches forming to keep all the old ones company i saw and saw and saw dripping sweat down my nose onto the knife come on come on i say through my teeth i lift the knife i've managed to get through only one tiny bit of resin on one tiny little knot on one huge effing bridge god damn it i spit i saw some more and more and more and more and more than that sweat running into my eyes and starting to sting todd man she barks his alarm spilling out all over the place i saw more and more but the only thing that happens is that the knife catches and i smash my knuckles into the stake bloody in them god damn it i scream throwing the knife down it bounces along stopping just at the girl's feet god damn it all because that's it ain't it that's the end of everything a one stupid chance that wasn't a chance at all we can't outrun the horses and we can't cut down a stupid mega road bridge and we're gonna be caught and ben and killian are dead and we're going to be killed ourselves and the world is going to end and that's it a redness comes over my noise like nothing i've ever felt before sudden and raw like a red hot brand pressing into my own self a burning bright redness of everything that's made me hurt and keeps on hurting a roaring rage of the unfairness and the injustice and the lies of everything coming back to one thing i raise my eyes up to the girls and she steps back from the force of it you i say and there ain't gonna be no stopping me this is all you if you hadn't shown up in that ruddy swamp none of this would have happened i'd be home right now i'd be tending my effing sheep and living in my effing house and sleeping in my own eff in bed except i don't say effing but oh no i shout getting louder here's you here's you and your silence and the whole world gets screwed i don't realize i'm walking toward her till i see her stepping back but she just looks back at me and i don't hear a goddamn thing you're nothing i scream stepping forward some more nothing you're nothing but emptiness there's nothing in you you're empty and nothing and we're gonna die for nothing i have my fists clenched so hard my nails are cutting into my palms i'm so furious my noise raging so loud so red that i have to raise my fist to her i have to hit her i have to beat her i have to make her ready silence stop before it swallows me in the whole effing world i take my fists and punch myself hard in the face i do it again hitting where my eyes swollen from aaron and a third time splitting open the cut on my lip from where aaron hit me yesterday morning you fool you worthless effing fool i do it again hard enough to knock me off balance i fall and catch myself on my hands and spit out some blood onto the path i look up at the girl breathing hard nothing just looking back at me and nothing we both turn to look across the river they've got to the place where they can see the bridge clearly see us clearly on the other side we can see the faces of the men as they ride hear the chatter of their noise as it flies up the river at us mr mcinerney the mayor's best horseman is in the lead the mayor riding behind looking as calm as if it was nothing more than a sunday ride we got maybe a minute probably less i turned back to the girl trying to stand but i'm so tired so so tired we might as well run i say spitting out more blood we might as well try and i see her face change her mouth opens wide her eyes too and suddenly she yanks her bag out in front of her and shoves her hand in it what are you doing i say she takes out the campfire box looking all around her until she sees a good size rock she sets the box down and raises up the rock no wait we could use she brings down the rock and the box cracks she picks it up and twists it hard making it crack some more it starts to leak some kind of fluid she moves to the bridge and starts flinging fluid all over the knots on the closest stake shaking out the last drops into a puddle at the base the riders are coming up to the bridge coming up coming up coming up hurry i say the girl turns to me telling me with the hands to get back i scrabble back a little ways grabbing manche by his scruff and taking him with me she steps back as far as she can holding out the remains of the box at arm's length and pressing a button on it i hear a clicking sound she tosses the box in the air and jumps back toward me the horses reach the bridge the girl lands almost on top of me and we watch as the campfire box falls falls falls toward the little puddle of liquid clicking as it goes mr mcinerney's horse puts a hoof on the bridge to cross it the campfire box lands in the puddle clicks one more time then the air is sucked out of my lungs as a fireball way bigger than what you'd think for that little amount of fluid makes the world quiet for a second then boom it blasts away the ropes and the stake spraying fiery splinters all over us and obliterating all thought noise and sound when we can look up again the bridge is already so much on fire it's starting to lean to one side and we can see mr mcinerney's horse rear up and stumble trying to back up into four or five more oncoming horses the flames roar a weird bright green and the sudden heat's incredible like the worst sunburn ever and i think we're gonna catch fire ourselves when this end of the bridge just falls right away taking mr mcinerney and his horse with it we sit up and watch them fall and fall and fall into the river below way too far to ever live through it the bridge is still attached at their end and it slaps the facing cliff but it's burning so fierce it won't be no time at all before the whole thing is just ash the mayor and mr prentice jr and the others all have to back their horses away from it the girl crawls away from me and we lay there for a second just breathing and coughing trying to stop being dazed holy crap you alright i say to manche still held by my hand fire todd he barks yeah i cough big fire you all right i say to the girl who's still crouching still coughing man what was in that thing but of course she don't say nothing todd i hear from across the canyon i look up it's the mayor shouting his first words ever to me in person through sheets of smoke and heat that make him look all wavy we're not finished young todd he calls over the crackle of the burning bridge and the roar of the water below not by a long way and he's calm and still ready clean and looking like there's no way he's not going to get what he wants i stand up hold out my arm and give him two fingers but he's already disappearing behind big clouds of smoke i cough and spit blood again we gotta keep moving i say coughing some more maybe they'll turn back maybe there's no other way across but we shouldn't wait to find out i see the knife in the dust shame comes real quick like a new pain all its own the things i said i reached down and pick it up and put it back in its sheath the girls still got her head down coughing to herself i pick up her bag and hold it out for her to take come on i say we can at least get away from the smoke she looks up at me i look back at her my face burns and not from the heat i'm sorry i look away from her from her eyes and face blank and quiet as ever i turn back up the path viola i hear i spin around look at her what i say she's looking back at me she's opening her mouth she's talking my name she says it's viola part 3 13 across the bridge i don't say nothing to this for a minute neither does she the fire burns the smoke rises manche's tongue hangs out in a stunned pant till finally i say viola she nods viola i say again she don't nod this time i'm todd i say i know she says she's not quite meeting my eye so you can talk then i say but all she does is look at me again quickly and then away i turned to the still burning bridge to the smoke turning into a fog bank twixed us and the other side of the river which i don't know if it makes me feel safer or not if not seeing the mayor and his men is better than seeing them that was i start to say but she's getting up and holding out her hand for a bag i realize i'm still holding it i hand it to her and she takes it we should go on she says away from here her accent's funny different from mine different from anyone in prentiss towns her lips make different kinds of outlines for the letters like they're swooping down on them from above pushing them into shape telling them what to say in premise town everyone talks like they're sneaking up on their words ready to club them from behind manches just in awe of her away he says lowly staring up at her like she's made of food there's this moment now where it feels like i could start asking her stuff like now that she's talking i could just hit her with every asking i can think of about who she is where she's from what happened and them askings are all over my noise flying at her like pellets but there's so much stuff wanting to come out of my mouth that nothing is and so my mouth don't move and she's holding her bag over her shoulder and looking at the ground and then she's walking past me past manche on up the trail hey i say she stops and turns back wait for me i say i pick up my rucksack hooking it back over my shoulders i press my hand against the knife in its sheath against my lower back i make the rucksack comfortable with a shrug say come on manche and off we go up the trail following the girl on this side of the river the path makes a slow turn away from the cliffside heading into what looks like a landscape of scrub and brush making its way around and away from the larger mountain looming up at us on the left at the place where the trail turns we both stop and look back without saying that we're gonna the bridge is still burning like you wouldn't believe hanging on the opposite cliff like a waterfall on fire flames haven't leaked up the entire length of it angry and greenish yellow this smoke's so thick it's still impossible to tell what the mayor and his men are doing have done if they're gone or waiting or what there could be a whisper of noise coming through but there could also not be a whisper of noise with the fire blazing and the wood popping in the white water below as we watch the fire finishes its business on the stakes on the other side of the river and with a great snap the burning bridge falls falls falls clattering against the cliffside splashing into the river sending up more clouds of smoke and steam making everything even foggier what was in that box i say to the girl she looks at me opens her mouth but then closes it again turning away it's okay i say i'm not gonna hurt you she looks at me again and my noise is full of just a few minutes ago when i was just about to hurt her when i was just about to anyway we don't say no more she turns back onto the path and me and manche follow her into the scrub knowing she can speak don't help with the silence none knowing she's got words in her head don't mean nothing if you can only hear them when she talks looking at the back of her head as she's walking i still feel my heart pulled toward her silence still feel like i've lost something terrible something so sad i want to weep weep manche barks the back of her head just keeps on walking the path is still pretty wide wide enough for horses but the terrain around us is getting rockier the path twistier we can hear the river down below us to our right now but it feels like we're tending away from it a bit getting ourselves deep into an area that feels almost walled rock face sometimes coming up on both sides like we're walking at the bottom of a box little prickly furs grow out of every crevice and yellow vines with thorns wrapping themselves around the furs trunks and you can see and hear yellow razor lizards hissing at us as we pass bite they say is a threat bite bite anything you might want to touch here would cut you after maybe 20 30 minutes the path gets to a place where it widens out where a few real trees start growing again where the forest looks like it might be about to restart where there's grass and stones low enough for sitting on which is what we do sit i take some dried mutton out of my rucksack and use the knife to cut strips for me for manche and for the girl she takes them without saying anything and we sit quietly apart and eat for a minute i am todd hewitt i think closing my eyes and chewing embarrassed for my noise now now that i know she can hear it now that i know she can think about it think about it in secret i am todd hewitt i will be a man in 29 days time which is true i realize opening my eyes time goes on even when you're not looking i take another bite i ain't never heard the name viola before i say after a while looking only at the ground only at my strip of mutton she don't say nothing so i glance up in spite of myself to find her looking back at me what i say your face she says i frown what about my face she makes both of her hands into fists and mimes punching herself with them i feel myself reading yeah well and from before she says from she stops aaron i say aaron man she barks and the girl flinches a little that was his name she says wasn't it i nod chewing on my mutton yep i say that's his name he never said it out loud but i knew what it was welcome to new world i take another bite having to tear an extra chewy bit off with my teeth which catches one sore spot among many in my mouth i spit out the bitter mutton in a whole lot of extra blood the girl watches me spit and then sets down her food she picks up her bag opens it and finds a little blue box slightly larger than the green campfire one she presses a button on the front to open it and takes out what looks like a white plastic cloth and a little metal scalpel she gets up from a rock and walks over to me with them i'm still sitting but i lean back when she brings her hands to my face bandages she says i've got my own these are better i lean back farther you're i say blowing out air through my nose you quiet kind of i shake my head a little bothers you yes i know she says hold still she looks closer at the area around my swollen eye and then cuts off a piece of bandage with a little scalpel she's about to put it over my eye but i can't help it and i move back from her touch she don't say nothing just keeps her hands up like she's waiting i take a deep breath close my eyes and offer up my face i feel the bandage touch the swollen area and immediately it gets cooler immediately the pain starts to edge back like it's all being swept away by feathers she puts another one on a cut i have at my hairline and her fingers brush my face as she puts another one just below my lower lip it all feels so good i haven't even opened my eyes yet i don't have anything for your teeth she says it's okay i say almost whispering it man these are better than mine and they're partially alive she says synthetic human tissue when you're healed they die i say acting like i might know what that means there's a longer silence long enough to make me open my eyes again she stepped back back to a rock she can sit down on watching me watching my face we wait because it seems like we should and we should because after a little bit of waiting she begins to talk we crashed she starts quietly looking away then she clears her throat and says it again we crashed there was a fire and we were flying low and we thought we'd be okay but something went wrong with the safety flumes and she holds open her hands to explain what follows the and we crashed she stops was that yaman paw i ask after a bit but she just looks up into the sky blue and spare with clouds that look like bones and when the sun came up she says that man came aaron and it was so weird he would shout and he would scream and then he'd leave and i'd try to run away she folds her arms i kept trying so he wouldn't find me but i was going in circles and wherever i hid there he'd be i don't know how until i found these sort of hut things the spackle buildings i say but she ain't really listening she looks at me then you came she looks at manche you and your dog that talks manche manchy barks her face is pale and when she meets my eyes again her own have gone wet what is this place she asks her voice kind of thick why do the animals talk why do i hear your voice when your mouth isn't moving why do i hear your voice a whole bunch over piled on top of each other like there's nine million of you talking at once why do i see pictures of other things when i look at you why could i see what that man she fades off she draws her knees up to her chest and hugs them i feel like i better start talking real quick or she's gonna start rocking again we're settlers i say she looks up at this still hugging her knees but at least not rocking we were settlers i continue landed here to found new world about 20 years ago or so but there were aliens here the spackle and they didn't want us i'm telling her what every boy in prentiss town knows the history even the dumbest farm boy like yours truly knows by heart men tried for years to make peace but the spackle weren't having it and so war started she looks down again at the word war i keep talking and the way the spackle foxy was with germs with diseases that was their weapons they released germs that did things one of them we think was meant to kill all our livestock but instead it just made every animal able to talk i look at manche which ain't as much fun as it sounds i look back at the girl and another was the noise i wait she don't say nothing but we both sort of know what's coming because we've been here before ain't we i take a deep breath and that one killed half the man and all the women including my mom and i made the thoughts of the men who survive no longer secret to the rest of the world she hides her chin behind her knees sometimes i can hear it clearly she says sometimes i can tell exactly what you're thinking but only sometimes most of the time it's just noise i say she nods and the aliens there ain't no more aliens she nods again we sit for a minute ignoring the obvious till it can't be ignored no longer am i going to die she asks quietly is it going to kill me the words sound different her accent but they mean the same damn thing and my noise can only say but i make it so my mouth says i don't know she watches me for more i really don't know i say kinda meaning it if you'd asked me last week i'd have been sure but today i looked down at my rucksack at the book hiding inside i don't know i look back at her i hope not but probably says my noise probably you're gonna die and though i try to cover it up with other noise it's such an unfair thing it's hard not to have it right at the front i'm sorry i say she don't say nothing but maybe if we get to the next settlement i say but i don't finish because i don't know the answer you ain't sick yet that's something you must warn them she says down into her knees i look up sharply what earlier when you were trying to read that book i wasn't trying i say my voice a little bit louder all of a sudden i could see the words in your whatever she says and it's you must warn them i know that i know what it says of course it's ready you must warn them of course it is idiot the girl says it seemed like you were i know how to read she holds up her hands okay i do i'm just saying well stop just saying i frown my nose roiling enough to get manche on his feet i get to my feet as well i pick up the rucksack and put it back on we should get moving warn who asks the girl still sitting about what i don't get to answer even though i don't know the answer because there's a loud click above us a loud clangy click that in princess town would mean one thing a rifle being cocked and standing on a rock above us there's someone with a freshly cocked rifle in both hands looking down the site pointing it right at us what's foremost in my mind at this particular juncture says the voice rising from behind the gun is what do two little pups think they're doing of burning down my bridge 14. the wrong end of a gun gun gun gun manche starts barking hopping back and forth in the dust i'd quiet down your beastie there says the rifle his face obscured by looking down the side straight at us wouldn't want anything to happen to it now would you quiet manche i say he turns to me gun todd he barks bang bang i know shut up he stops barking and it's quiet aside from my noise it's quiet i do believe i sent out an asking to a particular pair of pups says the voice and i'm waiting on my answer i look back at the girl she shrugs her shoulders though i notice we both have our hands up what i say back up to the rifle the rifle gives an angry grunt i'm asking it says what exactly gives ye permission to go of burning down other people's bridges i don't say nothing neither does the girl do you think this is a stick i'm a pointing at you the rifle bobs up and down once we were being chased i say for lack of nothing else chased where ye says the rifle who was a chasing ye and i don't know how to answer this would the truth be more dangerous than a lie is the rifle on the side of the mayor would we be bounty or would the rifle have even heard apprentice town the world's a dangerous place when you don't know enough like why is it so quiet oh i heard apprentice town all right says the rifle reading my noise with unnerving clarity and cocking the gun again making it ready to shoot and if that's where you're from then the girl speaks up and says that thing that suddenly makes me think of her as viola and not the girl anymore he saved my life i saved her life says viola funny how that works did he now says the rifle and how do you know he don't aim to just be a saving it for himself the girl viola looks at me her forehead creased it's my turn to shrug but no the rifle's voice changes no uh uh no i'm not a seeing that in ye am i boy cause you're just a boy pup still ain't she i swallow i'll be a man in 29 days not something to be proud of pup not where you're from and then he lowers the gun away from his face and that's why it's so quiet he's a woman he's a grown woman he's an old woman i think ye kind lady call me she the woman says still pointing the rifle at us from chest level and not so old i won't steal shooky she's looking at us more closely now reading me up and down seeing right into my noise with a skill i've only ever felt in ben her face is making all kinds of shapes like she's considering me like killian's face does when he tries to read me to see if i'm lying though this woman ain't got no noise at all so she might be singing a song in there for all i know she turns to viola and pauses for another long look as pups go she says looking back at me ye are as easy to read as a newborn me boy she turns her face to viola but ye wee girl your store is not a usual one is it i'd be happy to tell you all about it if you'd stop pointing a gun at us viola says this is so surprising even manche looks up i turn to viola with my mouth open we hear a chuckle from up on the rock the old woman is laughing to herself her clothes seem like real dusty leather worn and creased for years and years with a rimmed hat and boots for ignoring mud like she ain't nothing more than a farmer really she's still pointing the gun at us though ye were running from prentiss town were you she asks looking into my noise again there's no point in hiding it so i go ahead and put forward what we were running from what happened at the bridge who was chasing us she sees all of it i know she does but all i see her do is wrinkle up her lips and squint her eyes a bit well now she says crook in the rifle in her arm and starting to make her way down from the rocks to where we're standing i can't rightly say that i'm not peeved by ye blowing up my bridge heard the boom all the way back at the farm oh yeah she steps off the last rock and stands a little ways away from us the force of her grown up quiet so large i feel myself stepping back without even knowing i decided to do it but the only place it led to ain't been worth her going to for a decade no more only left it up out of hope she looks us over again who's to say i weren't right we still have our hands in the air because she ain't making much sense is she i'll ask ye this once the woman says lifting the rifle again am i gonna need this i exchange a glance with viola no i say no ma'am biola says ma'am i think it's like sir bonnie boy the woman slings the rifle over her shoulder by its strap for if you're a talking to a lady she squats down to manchester level and who might ye be pup man she he barks oh yeah that's definitely who ye be in it says the woman giving him a vigorous rubbing and ye two pups she asks not looking up what might your good mothers have dubbed you me and viola exchange another glance it seems like a price given up our names but maybe it's a fair exchange for the gun being lowered i'm todd that's viola as surely true as the sun are coming up says the woman having succeeded in getting manche on his back for a tummy rub is there another way over that river i ask another bridge because those men i'm matild the old woman interrupts but people who call me that don't know me so you can call me hildy and one day you may even earn the right to shake my hand i look at viola again how can you tell if someone with no noise is crazy the old woman cackles yeah a funny one there boy she stands up for manche who rolls back over and stares at her already a worshiper and to answer you're asking there's a shallow crossings a couple days traveling upstream but they know bridges for a good distance more either way she turns her gaze back to me steady and clear a small smile on her lips he's got to be reading my noise again but i can't feel no prodding like i do when men try it and the way she keeps on looking i start to realize a few things i put a few things together it must be right that princess town was quarantined because of the noise germ huh because here's a grown-up woman who ain't dead from it who's looking at me friendly but keeping a distance a woman ready to greet strangers from my direction with a rifle and if i'm contagious that means violence probably definitely caught it by now could be dying as we speak and then i'm probably definitely not going to be welcome in the settlement probably definitely going to be told to keep way way out and that's probably the end of that ain't it my journey ended before i even found anywhere to go oh you won't be welcome in the settlement the woman says no probably about it she winks at me actually winks but what you don't know won't kill you on a bet i say she turns back and steps up the rocks the way she came we just watch her go till she gets to the top and turns around again ye all are coming she says as if she's invited us along and we're keeping her waiting i look at viola she calls up to the woman we're meant to be heading for the settlement viola looks at me again welcome or not oh you'll get there says the woman but what you two pups need first is a good sleeping and a good feeding any blind man could see that the idea of and hot food is so tempting i forget for a second that she ever pointed a gun at us but only for a second because there's other things to think about i make the decision for us we should keep on the road i say to violet quietly i don't even know where we're going she says also quietly do you honestly ben said ye two pups come to my farm get some good eatings in you sleep on a bed though it ain't soft i'll grant you that and in the morning we'll go to the settlement and that's how she says it opening her eyes wide on it like a word to make fun of us for calling it that we still don't move look at it thusly the old woman says i got me a gun she waves it but i'm asking ye to come why don't we go with her viola whispers just to see my noise rises a little in surprise to see what i could use a bath she says i could use some sleep so could i i say but there's men who are after us who probably ain't gonna let one fallen bridge stop them and besides we don't know nothing about her she could be a killer for all we know she seems okay violet glances up at the woman a little crazy but she doesn't seem dangerous crazy she don't seem anything i feel a little vexed if i'm honest people without noise don't seem like nothing at all viola looks at me her brows suddenly creased and her jaw said a little well not you obviously i say every time she starts to say but then she just shakes her head every time what i whisper but viola just scrunches her eyes and turns to the woman hold on she says her voice sounding annoyed let me get my stuff hey i say what happened to her remembering i saved her life wait a minute we gotta follow the road we gotta get to the settlement roads is never the fastest way to get nowhere the woman says don't you know that viola don't say nothing just picks up her bag frowning all over the place she's ready to go ready to head off with the first quiet person she sees ready to leave me behind at the first sweet beckoning and she's missing the thing i don't want to say i can't go viola i say low through clenched teeth hating myself a little as i say it my face turning hot which weirdly makes a bandage fall off i carry the germ i'm dangerous she turns to me and there's a sting in her voice then maybe you shouldn't come my jaw drops open you do that you just leave vila looks away from my eyes but before she can answer the old woman speaks boy pup she says if it's being infectious you're worried about then your girl mate can come a walking up ahead with old hildy while ye stay back a little ways with the pup pup to guard you whatever viola says turning and starting to climb the rocks to where the old woman stands and i told ye the woman says it's hildy not old woman viola reaches her and they walk off out of sight without another word just like that hildy man she says to me shut up i say and i don't got no choice but to climb the rocks after him do i so that's how we make our way along a much narrower path through rocks and scrub viola and old hildy keeping close together when they can me and miles back tripping our way toward who knows what further danger and the whole time i'm looking back over my shoulder expecting to see the mayor and mr prentice jr and aaron all coming after us i don't know how can you know how can ben and killian have expected me to be prepared for this sure the idea of a bed and hot food sounds like something worth getting shot for but maybe it's a trick and maybe we're being so stupid we deserve to get caught and there's people after us and we should be running but maybe there really ain't another way over the river and hildy could have forced us and she didn't and viola says she seems okay and maybe one noiseless person can read another you see how can you know and who cares what viola says look at him up there i say to manche they fell together pretty quick like that long lost family or something hildy mansheed says again i swat after his rump but he runs on ahead viola and hildy are talking together but i can only hear the murmurings of words here and there i don't know what they're saying at all if they were normal noisy people it wouldn't matter how far back on the trail i was we could all talk together and nobody'd have no automatic secrets everybody be jabbering whether they wanted to or not and nobody'd be left out nobody'd be left on his own at the first chance you had we all walk on and i'm starting to think some more and i'm starting to let them get a little farther ahead too and i'm thinking more because as time passes it's all starting to sink in because maybe now we've found hildy maybe she can take care of viola they're clearly peas in a pod ain't they different from me anyway and so maybe hildy could help her get back to wherever she's from because obviously i can't obviously i ain't got nowhere i can be except prentice town do i cause i'm carrying a germ that'll kill her may kill her still may kill everybody else i meat a germ that'll forever keep me out of that settlement that'll probably even leave me sleeping in hildy's barn with the sheep and the russets that's it ain't it manche i stopped walking my chest starting to feel heavy there ain't no noise out here unless i'm the one who brings it i rub some sweat off my forehead we got nowhere to go we can't go forward we can't go back i sit down on a rock realizing the truth of it all we got nowhere i say we got nothing got todd man she says wagging his tail it ain't fair it just ain't fair the only place you belong is the place you can never go back to and so you're always alone forever and always how'd you do it ben what'd i do that was so bad i wiped my eyes with my arm i wish aaron and the mayor would come and get me i wish it would just be over already todd manchi box coming up to my face and trying to sniff it leave me alone i say pushing him away hildy and viola are getting still farther away and if i don't get up i'll lose the trail i don't get up i can still hear them talking though it gets steadily quieter no one looking back to see if i'm still following ildi i hear and girl pop and blasted leaky pipe and hildy again and burning bridge and i lift my head cause it's a new voice and i ain't hearing it not with my ears hildy and viola are getting farther away but there's someone coming toward them someone raising a hand in greeting someone whose noise is saying hello 15. brothers and suffering it's an old man also carrying a rifle but way down at his side pointing to the ground his noise rises as he approaches hildy it stays raised as he puts an arm around her and kisses her in greeting it buzzes as he turns and is introduced to viola who stands back a little at being greeted so friendly hildy is married to a man with noise a full grown man walking around noisy as anything but how hey boy pup hildy shouts back at me you gonna sit there all day picking your nose are you gonna join us for supper supper todd man she barks and takes off running toward them i don't think nothing i don't know what to think another noisy fella shouts the old man stepping past viola and hildy and coming toward me he's got noise pouring out of him like a bright parade all full of unwelcome welcome and pushy good feeling boy pup and bridges fallen and leaky pipe and brother inch suffering and kill he's still carrying his rifle but as he reaches me his hands out for me to shake i'm so stunned that i actually shake it tam's my name the old man more or less shouts and who might ye be pup todd i say pleased to meet you todd he puts an arm around my shoulders and pretty much drags me forward up the path i stumble along barely keeping my balance as he pulls us to heal the inviola talking all the way we haven't had guests for dinner and many a moon so you'll have to be excusing our humble shack ain't been no travelers this away for not on 10 years no more but you're welcome you're all welcome we get to the others and i still don't know what to say and i look from hildy to viola to tam and back again i just want the world to make sense now and then is that so wrong not wrong at all todd pup hildy says kindly how can you not have caught the noise i ask words finally making their way out of my head via my mouth then my heart suddenly rises rises so high i can feel my eyes popping open and my throat starting to clench my own noise coming all high hopeful white do you have a cure i say my voice almost breaking is there a cure now if there were a cure tam says still pretty much shouting do you honestly think i'd be subjecting you to all this here rubbish or floating out of my brain heaven help you if you did hilty says smiling and heaven help ye if he couldn't tell me what i was meant to be thinking tam smiles back love fuzzing all over his nose nope boy pup he says to me no cure that i know of well now hildy says haven't meant to be a working on one so people say which people tam asks skeptical talia hildy says susan f my sister tam makes a sound with his lips i rest my case rumors of rumors of rumors can't trust your sister to get her own name right much less any useful info but i say looking back and forth again and again not wanting to let it go but how can you be alive then i say to hildy the noise kills women all women hildy and tam exchange a look and i hear no i feel tam squash something in his noise no it don't todd pup hildy says a little too gently like i've been telling your girl mate viola here she's safe safe how can she be safe women are immune tam says lucky buggers no they're not i say my voice getting louder no they're not every woman in premise town caught the noise and every single one of them died from it my mod died from it maybe the version the speckle released on us was stronger than yours but todd pop tam puts a hand on my shoulder to stop me i shake him off but i don't know what to say next viola hasn't said a word in all of this so i look at her she don't look at me i know what i know i say even though that's been half the trouble ain't it how can this be true how can this be true tam and hildy exchange another glance i look into text viola hasn't said a word in all of this so i look at her she don't look at me i know what i know i say even though that's been half the trouble ain't it how can this be true how can this be true tammy hildy exchange another glance i look into tam's noise but he's as expert as anyone i've met at hiding stuff away when someone starts poking what i see though is all kind of town's got a sad history pup he says a whole number of things went sour there you're wrong i say but even my voice says i ain't sure what i'm saying he's wrong about this ain't the place for it todd hildy says rubbing viola on the shoulder a rub that violet don't resist you need to get some food in you some sleep in you buy here says you ain't slept hardly at all in many miles of traveling everything will be a looking better when you're fed and rested but she's safe from me i ask making a point of not looking at vi well she's definitely safe from catching your noise hildy says a smile breaking out what other safety she can get from ye is all down to a knowing ye better i want her to be right but i also want to say she's wrong and so i don't say nothing at all come on tam says breaking the pause let's get to some feasting no i say remembering it all over again we ain't got time for feasting i look at viola there's men after us in case you forgot men who ain't interested in our well-beings i look up at hildy now i'm sure your feastings would be fine and all hard pop hildy starts i ain't a pup i shout hildy purses her lips and smiles with her eyebrows todd pup she says again a little lower this time no man from any point beyond that river would ever set foot across it do ye understand yep says tam that's right i look from one to the other but i've been guardian here that bridge for ten plus years pub hildy says in keeper of it for years before that it's part of who i am to watch what comes she looks over to viola no one's coming ye all are safe yep tim says again rocking back and forth on his heels but i say again but hildy don't let me finish time for feasting and that's that it seems vilas still don't look at me still has her arms crossed and is now under the arm of hildy as they walk on again i'm stuck back with tam who's waiting for me to start i can't say as i feel much like walking anymore but everyone else goes so i go too we carry on up tam and hildy's private little path tam chattering away making enough noise for a whole town yo this is you blew up our bridge he says my bridge hildy says from in front of us she did build it tam says to me not that anyone's used it in forever no one i say thinking for a second of all those men who disappeared at apprentice town all the ones who vanished while i was growing up not one of them got this far nice bitty engineer on that bridge was tim's going on like he didn't hear me and maybe he didn't what with how loud he's talking sad to hear it's gone we had no choice i say oh there's always choices pub but from what i hear you made the right one we walk on quietly for a bit you're sure we're safe i ask well you can't never be sure he says but hildy's right he grins a little sadly i think there's more than bridges being out that'll keep men that side of the river i try and read his noise to see if he's telling the truth but it's almost all shiny and clean a bright warm place where anything you want could be true nothing at all like apprentice town man i don't understand this i say still gnawing on it it's got to be a different kind of noise germ my noise sounds different from yours tam asks seeming genuinely curious i look at him and just listen for a second hildy and princess town and russets and sheep and settlers and leaky pipe and hildy you sure think about your wife a lot she's my shining star pup would have lost myself in noise if she hadn't put a hand out to rescue me how so i ask wondering what he's talking about did you fight in the war this stops him his noise goes as gray and featureless as a cloudy day and i can't read a thing off him i fought young pup he says but was not something you talk about in the open air when the sun is shining why not i pray to all my gods you never find out he puts a hand on my shoulder i don't shake it off this time how do you do that i ask do what make your noise so flat i can't read it he smiles years of practice i hiding things from the old woman it's why i can read so good hildy calls back to us he gets better at hiding i get better at finding they laugh together yet again i find myself trying to send an eye roll violet's way about these two but viola ain't looking at me and i stop myself from trying again we all come out of the rocky part of the path and around a low rise and suddenly there's a farm ahead of us rolling up and down little hills but you can see fields of wheat fields of cabbage a field of grass with a few sheep on it hello sheep tam shouts sheep say the sheep first on the path is a big wooden barn built as water tight and solid as the bridge like it could last there forever if anyone asked it unless you go of blowing it up hildy says laughing still like to see you try tam laughs back i'm getting a little tired of him laughing about every damn thing then we come around to the farmhouse which is a totally different thing altogether meddled by the looks of it like the gas station in the church back home but not nearly so banged up half of it shines and rolls on up to the sky like a sail and there's a chimney that curves up and out folding down to a point smoke coughing from its end the other half of the house is wood built onto the metal solid as the barn but cut and folded like wings i say wings is right tam says and what kind of wings are they i look again the whole farmhouse looks like some kind of bird with the chimney as its head and neck and a shiny front and wooden wings stretched out behind like a bird resting on the water or something it's a swan todd pup tam says a what a swamp what's a swan i say still looking at the house his noise is puzzled for a second then i get a little pulse of sadness so i look at him what nothing pup he says memories of long ago viola and hildy are up ahead still viola's eyes wide and her mouth gulping like a fish what did i tell you hildy asks viola rushes up to the fence in front of the house she stares at it looking all over the metal part up and down side to side i come up by her and look too it's hard for a minute to think of anything to say shut up supposed to be a swan i finally say whatever that is she ignores me and turns to hildy is it an expansion 3500 what older than that by pup hildy says x3200 we got up to x7s viola says not surprised says hildy what the ruddy hell are you talking about i say expansion what's its we hear manche bark in the distance i settler ship hildy says sounding surprised that i don't know an expansion class 3 series 200 i look from face to face tam's noise has a spaceship flying in it one with a front hull that matches the upturned farmhouse oh yeah i say remembering trying to say it like i knew all along you build your houses with the first tools at hand quite so pup tam says or you make them works of art if you're so inclined if your wife is an engineer who can get your damn fool sculptures to stay standing up hildy says how do you know about all this i say to vila she looks at the ground away from my eyes you don't mean i start to say but i stop i'm getting it of course i'm getting it way too late like everything else but i'm getting it you're a settler i say you're a new settler she looks away from me but shrugs her shoulders but that ship you crashed in i say that's way too tiny to be a settler ship that was only a scout my home ship is an expansion class seven she looks at hildy and tam who ain't saying nothing tam's noise is bright and curious i can't read nothing from hildy i get the feeling somehow though that she knew and i didn't that viola told her and not me and even if it's cuz i never asked it's still as sour a feeling as it sounds i look up at the sky it's up there ain't it i say your expansion class seven violin odds you're bringing more settlers in more settlers are coming to new world everything was broken when we crashed viola says i don't have any way to contact them any way to warn them not to come she looks up with a little gasp you must warn them that can't be what he meant i say fast no way viola scrunches her face and eyebrows why not what home and tam asks how many i ask still looking at viola feeling the world changing forever again how many settlers are coming vila takes a deep breath before she answers and i'll bet you she's not even told hildy this part thousands she says there's thousands 16 the night of no apologies they won't be a getting here for months hildy says passing me another serving of mashed russets viola and i are stuffing our faces so much it's been hildy and tam doing all the talking all the uh talking space travel ain't like you see it in vids tam says a stream of mutton gravy tracking down his beard takes years and years and years to get anywhere at all 64 to get from old world to new world alone 64 years i say spraying a few mashed blobs off my lips tam nods you're frozen for most of it i'm passing you right on by though that's only if you don't die on the way i turned to viola you're 64 years old 64 old world years tam says tapping his fingers like he's adding something up which would be what about 58 59 new world but viola is shaking her head i was born on board never was asleep so either yama or your paw must have been a caretaker hildy says snapping off a bite of a turnipy thing then giving me an explanation one of the ones who stays awake and keeps track of the ship both of them were viola says and my dad's mother before him and granddad before that wait a minute i say to her two steps behind as ever so if we've been on new world 20 odd years 23 says tam feels like longer then you left before we even got here i say or your power grandpa whatever i look around to see if anyone's wondering what i'm wondering why i say why would you come without even knowing what's out here why did the first settlers come hildy asks me why does anyone look for a new place to live because the place you're relieving ain't worth staying for tam says cause the place you're leaving is so bad you gotta leave old worlds mucky violent and crowded hildy says wiping her face with a napkin a splitting right into bits with people are hating each other and killing each other no one happy till everyone's miserable least it was all those years ago i wouldn't know viola says i've never seen it my mother and father she drifts off but i'm still thinking about being born on a spaceship an honest to badness spaceship growing up while flying along the stars able to go wherever you wanted not stuck on some hateful planet which clearly don't want you you could go anywhere if one place didn't suit you'd find another full freedom in all directions could there possibly be anything cooler in the whole world than that i don't notice that there's a silence falling at the table hildy's rubbing vial is back again and i see that viola's eyes are wet and leaking and she started to rock a little back and forth what i say what's wrong now viola's forehead just creases at me what i say i think maybe we talked enough about ma and paw for now hildy says softly i think maybe it's time for boy and girl pups to get some shut eye but it's hardly late at all i look out a window the sun ain't even hardly set we need to be getting to the settlement the settlement is called far branch hildy says and we'll get you there first thing in the morning but those men i've been a keeping the peace here since before you were born pup hildy says kindly but firmly i can handle whatever is or ain't a coming i don't say nothing to this and hildy ignores my noise on the subject can i ask what your business and far branch might be tam says picking at his corn cob making his asking sound less curious than his noise says it is we just need to get there i say both of ye i look at vila she stopped crying but her face is still puffy i don't answer tam's asking well there's plenty of work going hildy says standing and taking up her plate if that's what you're after they can always use more hands in the orchards tam stands and they clear the table taking the dishes into their kitchen and leaving me and viola sitting there by ourselves we can hear them chatting in there lightly enough and noise blocked enough for us not to be able to make it out do you really think we ought to stay the whole night i say keeping my voice low but she answers in a violent whisper like i didn't even send out an asking just because my thoughts and feelings don't spill out into the world in a shout that never stops doesn't mean i don't have them i turned to her surprised huh she keeps whispering something fierce every time you think oh she's just emptiness or there's nothing going on inside her or maybe i can dump her with these two i hear it okay i hear every stupid thing you think alright and i understand way more than i want to oh yeah i whisper back though my noise ain't a whisper at all every time you think something or feel something or have some stupid thought i don't hear it so how am i supposed to know any effing thing about you huh how am i supposed to know what's going on if you keep it a secret i'm not keeping it secret she's clenching a teeth now i'm being normal not normal for here by and how would you know i can hear you being surprised by just about everything they say didn't they have a school where you were from didn't you learn anything history ain't so important when you're just trying to survive i say spitting it out under my breath that's actually when it's most important hildy says standing at the end of the table and if this silly argument twixty two ain't enough to prove you're tired then you're tied beyond all sense come on vila and i glare at each other but we get up and follow hildy into a large common room manche barks from a corner not getting up from the mutton bone tam gave him earlier we've long since took over our guest rooms for other purposes hildy says you'll have to make do on the settees we help her put down sheets vile is still scowling my noise a buzzy red now hildy says when we're all done apologize to each other what viola says why i don't see how this is any of your business i say never go to sleep on an argument hildy says hands on hips looking like she ain't never gonna budge and would be pleased to see someone try and make her not if ye want to stay friends viola and i don't say nothing he saved your life hildy says to vila vila looks down before finally saying yeah that's right i did i say and she saved yours at the bridge didn't she hildy says oh yes hildy says oh don't you both think that counts for something we still don't say nothing he'll decide fine any two pups so close to adulthood could maybe be left to their own apologies i reckon she makes her way out without even saying good night i turn my back on viola and she turns her back on me i take off my shoes and get myself under the sheet on one of hildy's settees which seems to be just a fancy word for couch viola does the same manche leaps up on my seti and curls himself by my feet there's no sound except my noise and a few crackles from a fire it's too hot for it can't be much later than dusk but the softness of the cushions and the softness of the sheet and the too warm of the fire and i'm already pretty much closing my eyes todd viola says from her seti across the room i swim up from sinking down to sleep what she don't say nothing for a second and i guess she must be thinking of her apology but no what does your book say you're supposed to do when you get to far branch my noise gets a bit redder never you mind what my book says i say that's my property meant for me you know when you showed me the map back in the woods she says and you said we had to get to this settlement you remember what was written underneath course i do what was it there ain't no poking in her voice not that i can hear but that's gotta be what it is ain't it poking just go to sleep will ya i say it was far branch she says the name of the place were meant to be heading shut up my noise is getting buzzy again there's no shame in not being able to i said shut up i could help you i get up suddenly dumping manche off the settee with a thump i grab my sheets and blanket under my arm and i stomp off to the room where we ate i throw them on the floor and lay down a room away from viola and all her meaningless evil quiet manchester with her typical i close my eyes but i don't sleep for ages and ages till i finally do i guess because i'm on a path and it's the swamp but it's also the town it's also my farm and ben's there and killian's there and vial is there and they're all saying what are you doing here todd and manches barking todd todd and ben's grabbing me by the arm to drag me out the door and killian's got his arm around my shoulders pushing me up the path and viola is set in the campfire box by the front door of our farmhouse and the mayor's horse rides right through our front door and smashes her flat and a croc with the face of aaron is rearing up behind ben's shoulders and i'm yelling no and and i'm sitting up and i'm sweating everywhere and my heart's racing like a horse and i'm expecting to see the mayor and aaron standing right over me but it's only hildy and she's saying what the devil are ye are doing in here she's standing in the doorway morning sun flooding in behind her so bright i have to raise my hand to block it out more comfortable i mumble but my chest is thumping i bet she says read my just waking noise breakfast is on the smell of the mutton strip bacon frying wakes viola and manche i let manche out for his morning poo but vila and i don't say nothing to each other tam comes in as we eat having i guess been out feeding the sheep that's what i'd be doing if i were home home i think anyway buck up pup tam says plunking a cup of coffee down in front of me i keep my face way down as i drink it anybody out there i say into my cup not a whisper tam says and it's a beautiful day i glance up at viola but she ain't looking at me in fact we get all the way through the food through washing our faces through changing our clothes and repacking our bags all without saying nothing to each other good luck to you both tam says as we're about to leave with hildy toward far branch it's always nice when two people who don't got no one else find each other as friends and we really don't say nothing to that come on pups hildy says times are wasting we get back on the path which before too long reconnects with the same road that must have gone across the bridge used to be the main road from far branch to prentiss town hildy says hoisting her own small pack or knew elizabeth as he was then as what was then i asked prentice town she says used to be called new elizabeth it never did i say raising my eyebrows hildy looks at me her own eyebrows mocking mine was it never i must be mistaken then must be i say watching her viola makes a scoffing sound i send her a look of death will there be somewhere we can stay she asks hildy ignoring me i'll take ye to my sister hildy says deputy mayor this year don't you know what do we do then i say kicking at the dirt as we walk on reckon that's up to you too hildy says you've got to be the ones in charge of your own destinies don't you not so far i hear viola say under her breath and it's so exactly the words i have in my noise that we both look up and catch each other's eyes we almost smile but we don't and that's when we start hearing the noise ah hildy says hearing it too far branch the road comes out on the top of a little veil and there it is the other settlement the other settlement that wasn't supposed to be where ben wanted us to go where we might be safe the first thing i see is where the valley road winds down through orchards orderly rows of well-tended trees with paths and irrigation systems all carrying on down a hill toward buildings and a creek at the bottom flat and easy and snaking its way back to meet the bigger river no doubt and all throughout are men and women most are scattered working in the orchard wearing heavy work aprons all the men in long sleeves the women in long skirts cutting down pine-like fruits with machetes or carrying away baskets or working on the irrigation pipes and so on men and women women and man a couple dozen men maybe is my general impression less than prentice town who knows how many women living in a whole other place the noise and silence of them all floats up like a light fog to please and the way i see it is and weedy waste and she might say yes she might not and if service ends at one then i can always and so on and so on never ending a man i just stop in the road and gate for a second not ready to walk down into it yet because it's weird it's more than weird truth to tell it's also i don't know calm like normal chatter you'd have with your pals nothing accidental or abusive and nobody's hardly longing for nothing no awful awful despairing longing nowhere i can hear or feel we sure as ruddy heck ain't in princess town no more i say to manche under my breath not a second later i hear francestown float in from a field right next to us and then i hear it in a couple of different places princess town and rennestown and then i noticed that the men in the orchards nearby ain't picking fruit or whatever anymore they're standing up they're looking at us come on hildy says keep on walking it's just curiosity the word prentice town multiplies along the fields like a crackling fire manche brings himself in closer to my legs we're being stared at on all sides as we carry on even viola steps in a bit so we're a tighter group not to worry hildy says there'll just be a lot of people who will want to meet she stops mid-sentence a man has stepped onto the path in front of us his face don't look at all like he wants to meet us print his town he says his noise getting uncomfortably red uncomfortably fast morning matthew hildy says i was just a bringing princess town the man says again no longer and asking and he's not looking at hildy he's looking straight at me you're not welcome here he says not welcome at all and he's got the biggest machete in his hand you ever seen 17. encounter in an orchard my hand goes right behind my rucksack to my own knife leave it todd pup hildy says keeping her eyes on the man that's not how this is gonna go what do you think you're bringing into our village hildy the man says hefting his machete in his hand still looking at me and there's real surprise in his asking and and is that hurt i'mma bringing in a boy pup and a girl pup what's lost their way hildy says stand aside matthew i don't see a boy pup nowhere matthew says his eyes starting to burn he's massively tall shoulders like an ox and a thickened brow with lots of bafflement but not much tenderness he looks like a walking talking thunderstorm i see me apprentice town man i see me a princesstown man with prentice town filth all over his princess town noise that's not what you're a seeing hilda says look close matthew's noise is already lurching on me like hands pressing in forcing its way into my own thinking trying to ransack the room it's angry and asking and noisy as a fire so uneven i can't make hide no hair of it ye know the law hildy he says the law the law is for man hildy says her voice staying calm like we were standing there talking about the weather can't she see how red this man's noise is getting red ain't your color if you want to have a chat this here pup ain't a man yet i've still got 28 days i say without thinking your numbers don't mean nothing here boy matthew spitz i don't care how many days away you are calm yourself matthew hildy says sterner than i'd want her to but to my surprise matthew looks at her all sore and steps back a step he's a flea apprentice town she says a little softer he's a running away matthew looks at her suspiciously and back to me but he's lower in the machete a little just like ye did yourself once hildy says to him what you're from prentice town i blurt out up comes the machete and matthew steps forward again threatening enough to stop man she barking back back back i was from new elizabeth matthew growls twix clenched teeth i'm never from princess town boy not never and don't ye forget it i see clear of flashes and his noise now of impossible things of crazy things coming in a rush like he can't help it things worse than the worst of the illegal vids mr hammer used to let out on the sly to the oldest and rowdiest of the boys in town the kind where people seem to die for real but there was no way of ever knowing for sure images and words and blood and screaming and stop that right this second hilda shouts control yourself matthew lyle control yourself right now matthew's noise subsides sudden like but still roiling without quite so much control as tam but still more than any man in princess town but as soon as i think it his machete raises again you'll not see that word in our town boy he says not if you know what's good for you there'll be no threats to guests of mine as long as i'm alive hildy says her voice strong and clear is that understood matthew looks at her he don't nod he don't say yes but we all understand that he understands he ain't happy about it though his noise still pokes and presses at me slapping me if it could he finally looks over to viola and who might this be then he says pointing the machete at her and it happens before i even know i'm doing it i swear one minute i'm standing there behind everyone and the next thing i know i'm between matthew and viola my knife pointing at him my own noise falling like an avalanche in my mouth saying you best take two steps away from her and you best be taking them real quick todd hilda shouts and todd man she barks and todd viola shouts but there i am knife out my heart thumping fast like it's finally figured out what i'm doing but there ain't no stepping back now how do you suppose that happened give me a reason prentice boy matthew says hoist in the machete just give me one good reason enough hildy says and her voice has got something in it this time like the rule of law so much so that matthew flinches a little he's still holding up his machete still glaring at me glaring at hildy his noise throbbing like a wound and then his face twists a little and he begins of all things to cry angrily furiously trying not to but standing there big as a bull machete in hand crying which ain't what i was expecting hildy's voice pulls back a bit put the knife away todd pup matthew drops his machete to the ground and puts an arm across his eyes as he snuffles and yowls and moans i look over to vila she's just staring at matthew probably as confused as i am i drop the knife to my side but i don't let it go not yet matthew's taking deep breaths pain noise and grief noise dripping everywhere and fury too at losing control so publicly it's meant to be over he coughs long over i know hildy says going forward and putting a hand on his arm what's going on i say never you mind todd pup hildy says apprentice town has a sad history that's what tam said i say as if i don't know matthew looks up you don't know the first bit of it boy he says teeth clenched again that's enough now hildy says this boy ain't your enemy she looks at me eyes a bit wide and he's putting away his knife for that very reason i twist the knife in my hand a time or two but then i reach behind my rucksack and put it away matthew's glaring at me again but he's starting to back off for real now and i'm wondering who hildy is that he's obeying her they are both innocent as lambs matthew pup hildy says ain't nobody innocent matthew says bitterly sniffing away his last bits of weepy snot and hefting up his machete again nobody at all he turns his back and strides into the orchard not looking back everyone else is still staring at us the day only ages hildy says to them turning round in a circle there'll be time enough for a meeting and a greeting later on me and viola watch as the workers start returning to their trees in their baskets and their whatevers some eyes still on us but most people getting back to work are you in charge here or something i ask or something todd pub come on you haven't even seen the town yet what law was he talking about long story pup she says i'll tell ye later the path still wide enough for men and vehicles and horses though i only see men curves its way down through more orchards on the hillsides of the little veil what kind of fruit is that vila asks as two women cross the road in front of us with full baskets watching us as they go crested pine hilde says swedish sugar loaded with vitamins never heard of it i say no hildy says ye wouldn't have i look at way too many trees for a settlement that can't have more than 50 people in it is that all you eat here course not hildy says we trade with other settlements down the road the surprise is so clear in my noise that even viola laughs a little he didn't think it was just two settlements on all the new world did you hildy asks no i say feeling my face turn red but all the other settlements were wiped out in the war hmm hildy says biden her bottom lip nodding but not saying nothing more is that haven bila says quietly is what haven i ask other settlement viola says not quite looking at me you said there was a cure for noise in haven hildy that's just rumors and speculations is haven a real place i ask it's the biggest and first of the settlements hildy says closest new worlds got to a big city miles away not for peasants like us i ain't never heard of it i say again no one says nothing to this and i get the feeling they're being polite viola hasn't really looked at me since the weirdness back there with me and matthew and the knife to be honest i don't know what to make of it neither so everyone just keeps walking there's maybe seven buildings total in far branch smaller than prentice town and just buildings after all but somehow so different too it feels like i've wandered right off new world into some whole other place altogether the first building we pass is a tiny stone church fresh and clean and open not at all like the darkness aaron preached in farther on is a general store with a mechanics garage by it though i don't see much by way of heavy machinery around haven't even seen a fission bike not even a dead one there's a building that looks like a meeting hall another with a doctor's snakes carved onto the front and two barn-like buildings that looked like storage not much hildy says but it's home not your home i say you live way outside so to most people hildy says even when you're used to it it's nice to only have the noise of your most beloved hanging around your house town gets a bit rackety i listen out for rackety but it still ain't nothing like princess town sure there's noise in far branch men doing their usual boring daily business chattering their thoughts that don't mean nothing chop chop chop and i'll only give seven for the dozen and listen to her sing there just listen and that coop needs fixing tonight and he's gonna fall right off that and on and on and on so heedless and safe sounding to me it feels like taking a bath in comparison to the black noise i'm used to oh it gets black todd pup hildy says men still have their tempers women too some people would call it impolite to always be listening to a man's noise i say looking around me too true pup she grins but ye aren't a man yet he said so yourself we cross the central strip of the town a few men and women walk to and fro some tipping their hats to hildy most just staring at us i stare back if you listen close you can hear where the women are in town almost as clear as the men they're like rocks that the noise washes over and once you're used to it you can feel where their silences are dotted all about violent hildy 10 times over and i'll bet if i stopped and stood here i could tell exactly how many women are in each building and mixed in with the sound of so many men you know what the silence don't feel half so lonesome and then i see some teeny tiny people watching us from behind a bush kids kids smaller than me younger than me the first i ever seen a woman carrying a basket spies them and makes a shoeing movement with her hands she frowns and smiles at the same time and the kids all run off giggling around the back of the church i watch him go i feel my chest pull a little you coming hildy calls after me yeah i say still watching where the kids went i turn and keep on following my head still twisted back kids real kids safe enough for kids and i find myself wondering if viola would be able to feel at home here with all these nice semen men all these women and children i find myself wondering if she'd be safe even if i'm obviously not i bet she would i look at viola and catch her looking away hildi's led us to the house farthest along the buildings of far branch it's got steps that go up the front and a little flag flying from a pole out front i stop this is a mayor's house i say ain't it deputy mayor hildy says walking up the steps clumping her boots loud against the wood my sister and my sister says a woman opening the door a plumper younger frownier version of hildy francia hildy says hell there francis says they nodded each other not hug or shake hands just nod what trouble do you think you're bringing into my town francius says eyeing us up your town is it now hildy says smiling eyebrows up she turns to us like i told matthew lyle it's just two pups are fleeing for safety seeking their refuge she turns back to her sister and if far branch ain't a refuge sister then what is it it's not them i'm talking about francis says looking at us arms crossed it's the army that's a following them 18. far branch army i say my stomach nodding right up viola says it at the same time i do but there's nothing funny about it this time what are me hildy frowns rumors are floating down from the far fields of an army a gathering on the other side of the river francis says men on horseback prentice town men hildy purses her lips five men on horseback she says not an army those were just the posse sent after our young pups here francia don't look too convinced i never seen arms so crossed and the river gorge crossing is down anyhow hildy continues so there ain't gonna be any water coming into fall branch anytime soon she looks back at us an army she says shaking her head honestly if there's a threat sister francis says it's my duty hildy rose her eyes don't be a talking to me about your duties sister she says stepping past francia and opening the front door to the house i invented your duty come on pups let's get you inside viola and i don't move francia don't invite us to neither todd man she barks by my feet i take a deep breath and go up the front steps howdy mim i say ma'am viola whispers behind me howdy ma'am i say trying not to miss a beat i'm todd that's viola francia's arms are still crossed like there's a prize for it there really were only five men i say though the word army is echoing around my noise and i should just trust ye francis says a boy who's a being chased looks down to viola still waiting on the bottom step i can just imagine why ye were running oh stuff it francia hildy says still holding the door open for us francia turns and shooshes hildy out of the way i'll be in charge of entry into my own house thank you very much francis says then to us well come on if you're coming and that's how we see the first hospitality of far branch we go inside francie and hildy bickering twixt themselves about whether francie has got a place to put us in for however long we might want to stay hildy wins the bickering and francia shows me and viola to separate small rooms next to each other one floor up your dog has to sleep outside francia says but he's that wasn't an askin francia says leaving the room i follow her out to the landing she don't turn back as she goes downstairs in less than a minute i can hear her and hildy arguing again trying to keep their voices down viola comes out of her room to listen to we stand there for a second wondering what do you think i say she don't look at me then it's like she decides to look at me and does i don't know she says what do you think i shrug my shoulders she don't seem too happy to see us i say but it's still safer than i've felt in a while behind walls and such i shrug again and ben wanted us to get here and all which is true but i still ain't sure if it feels right viola is clutching her arms to herself just like francia but not like francia at all i know what you mean so i guess it'll do for now yes viola says for now we listen to a bit more arguing what you did back there viola says it was stupid i say real fast i don't want to talk about it my face is starting to burn so i step back into my little room i stand there and chew my lip the room looks like it used to belong to an old person kind of smells that way too but at least it's got a real bed i go to my rucksack and open it i look round to make sure no one's followed me in and i pull out the book i open it to the map to the arrows that point down through the swamp to the river on the other side no bridge on the map but there's a settlement with a word underneath it there i say to myself fair bro [Music] which i guess is far branch i breathe loud through my nose as i look at the page of writing on the back of the map you must warn them of course of course shut up still underlined at the bottom like vilas said though warn who born far branch warren hildy about what i say i thumb through the book and there's pages of stuff pages and pages of it words on words on words on words like noise shoved down on the paper until you can't make no sense from it how can i warn anybody about all this oh ben i'll say under my breath what were you thinking todd hildy calls from downstairs why i close the book and look at its cover later i'll ask about it later i will later i put it away and i go downstairs vial is already waiting there hildy and francia arms crossed again waiting too i've got to get back to my farm pups hildy says work to do for the good of all but francis agreed to look after ye for today and i'll come back tonight to see how you're getting on vila and i look at each other suddenly not wanting hildy to leave thank ye for that francius says frowning despite what my sister may have told ye to about me i'm hardly an ogre she didn't say i start to say before i stop myself even though my noise finishes it up for me anything about you yeah well that's typical francia says glaring it hildy but not seeming to put out ye can stay here for the time being power and auntie are long dead and there's not too much call for their rooms these days i was right old person's room but we're a working town here in far branch francia looks from me to viola and back again and you'll be expected to earn your keep even if it's just for a day or two while you make whatever plans you're going to make we're still not sure viola says hmm francia humps and if ye to stay on past this first question of the orchards there'll be a schooling for you to do school i say school and church hildy says that's if ye stay long enough i'm guessing she's reading my noise again are you going to stay long enough i don't say nothing and viola don't say nothing and francia humps again please mrs francia viola says as francia turns to talk to hildy just franci a child francio says looking surprised what is it is there somewhere i can send a message back to my ship your ship francis says this a being that settlership way out in the dark black yonder her mouth draws thin with all them people on it violent odds we were supposed to report back let them know what we found viola's voice is so quiet and her face so hopeful so open and wide and ready for disappointment that i feel that familiar tug of sadness again pulling all noise into it like grief like being lost i put a hand on the back of a settee to steady myself ah girl pup hildy says her voice getting suspiciously gentle again i'm guessing you tried to contact us folks down here on new world when ye were a scout in the planet yeah viola says no one answered hildy and francia exchanged nods europe forgetting we were church settlers francia says getting away from worldly things to set up our own little utopia so we let that kind of machinery go to rack and ruin as we got on with the business of surviving viola's eyes get a little wider you have no way of communicating with anyone we don't have communicators for other settlements francius says much less the beyond we're farmers pup hildy says simple farmers looking for a simpler way of life that was the whole point in flying all this ridiculous way to get here setting down the things that cause such strife for people of old she taps her fingers on the tabletop didn't quite work out that way though we weren't really expecting no others francius says not the way old world was when we left so i'm stuck here viola says her voice a little shaky until your ship arrives hildy says i'm afraid so how far out are they francia asks system entry in 24 weeks vila says quietly perihelion four weeks later orbital transfer two weeks after that i'm sorry child francia says looks like you're ours for seven months viola turns away from all of us obviously taking this news in a lot can happen in seven months well now hildy says making her own voice bright i hear tell they got all kinds of things in haven fission cars and city streets and more stores than you can shake a stick at you might try there before you really started worrying yes hildy looks towards francia and francis says todd pup why don't we get you a working in the barn you're a farm boy ain't you but i start to say all kinds of work to be done on a farm francius says as i'm sure you know all too well chattering away like this francia gets me out the back door looking over my shoulder i can see hildy comforting viola and soft words unhearable words things being said that i don't know yet again francia closes the door behind us and leads me and manche across the main road to one of the big storage houses i saw when we were walking in i can see men pulling hand carts up to the main door and another man unloading the baskets of orchard fruit this is eastbound francia says where we store things ready to be traded wait here i wait and she walks up to the man unloading the baskets from the cart they talk for a minute and i can hear apprentice town as clear as day in his noise and the sudden surge of feeling behind it it's a slightly different feeling than before but it fades before i can read it in france it comes back ivan says you can work in the back of sweeping up sweeping up i say kinda appalled i know how farms work mim and i'm i'm sure you do but you may have noticed apprentice town ain't our most popular neighbor best to keep ye away from everyone till we've all had a chance to get used to you fair enough she's still stern still arms crossed but actually yeah this seems sensible and though her face ain't kind exactly maybe it sort of is okay i say francine nods and takes me over to ivan who looks about ben's age but short dark-haired with arms like effing tree trunks ivan this is todd francia says i hold out my hand to shake ivan doesn't take it he just eyeballs me something fierce you're working back he says and you'll keep yourself and your dog out of my way francia leaves us and ivan takes me inside points out a broom and i get to work and that's how i start my first day in far branch inside a dark barn sweeping dust from one corner to another seeing one single stitch of blue sky out a door at the far end oh the joy poo todd manchi says not in here you don't it's a pretty big barn 200 to 250 feet from end to end maybe and about half full of baskets of crested pine there's a section with big rolls of silage too packed up to the ceiling with thin rope and another section with huge sheaves of wheat ready to be ground into flower you sell this stuff to other settlements i call out to ivan time for chatter later he calls back from the front i don't say nothing to this but something kind of rude shows up in my noise before i can stop it i hurry and get back to sweeping the morning waxes on i think about ben and killian i think about viola i think about aaron and the mayor i think about the word army and how it's making my stomach clench i don't know it don't feel right to be stopped not after all that running everyone's acting like it's safe here but i don't know manche wanders in and out the back door as i sweep sometimes chasing the pink mobs i stir from faint corners ivan keeps his distance i keep mine but i can see all the people who come to his door and drop off goods taking a deep long look to the back of the barn sometimes squinting into the darkness to see if they can find me there the princesstown boy so they hate prentice town i get that i hate prentice town but i got more cause for grief than any of them i start noticing things too as the morning gets older like that though men and women both do the heavy labor women give more orders that more men follow and with francia being deputy mayor and hildy being whoever she is in far branch i'm beginning to think it's a town run by women i can often hear their silences as they walk by outside and i can hear men's noise responding to it too sometimes with chaffin but usually in a way that just gets on with things men's noise here too is a lot more controlled than what i'm used to with so many women around and from what i know of the noise apprentice town you'd think the sky would be full of noisy women with no clothes doing the most remarkable things you could think of and sure you hear that sometimes hear men are men after all but more of the time the noise is songs or its prayers or it's directed to the work at hand they're calm here in far branch but they're a little spooky once in a while i see if i can not hear viola but no at lunch time francia comes to the back of the barn with a sandwich and a jug of water where's vila i ask you're welcome francius says for what francius sighs and says violas in the orchards gathering dropped fruits i want to ask how she is but i don't and francia refuses to read it in my noise how you getting on she asks i know how to do a lot more than ruddy sweep mind your language pup there'll be time enough to get you to real work she don't stay walking back toward the front having another word with ivan and then she's off to do whatever deputy mayors fill their days with can i say it makes no sense but i sorta like her probably because she reminds me of killian and all the things that used to drive me crazy about him memory is stupid ain't it i tear into my sandwich and i'm chewing my first bite when i hear ivan's noise approaching i'll sweep up my crumbs i say to my surprise he laughs kinda roughly i'm sure you will he takes a bite of his own sandwich rancia says there's a village meeting tonight he says after a minute about me i ask about you both ye and the girl ye and the girl would escape prentice town his noise is strange it's cautious but strong like he's checking me out i don't read no hostility not toward me anyway but something's percolating in it we gonna meet everyone i say you might we'll all be talking about you first if there's a vote i say chomping on the sandwich i think i lose you've got hilda speaking for your side he says that counts for more than all in far branch he swallows his own bite and the people here are kind people and good we've taken in premise town folk before not for a while but from way back in the bad times the war i say he looks at me his noise sizing me up what i know yeah he says the war he turns his head round the barn casual-like but i get the feeling he's looking to see if we're alone he turns back and fixes his eye on me an eye that's really looking for something and then two he says not all of us feel the same about what i say not liking his look not liking his buzz about history he's talking low his eyes still pouring into me leaning a little closer i lean back a little i don't know what you mean apprentice towns still got allies he whispers hidden away in surprising places his noise gets pictures in it small ones like noise speaking just to me and i'm starting to see them clearer and clearer bright things wet things fast things the sun shining down on red puppies puppies manche barks in the corner i jump and even ivan startles and his noise pictures fade pretty quick manche keeps barking and i hear a whole raft of giggling that ain't him at all i look a group of kids is kneeling down peeking in through a torn away board smiling laughing with daring pushing each other closer to the hole pointing at me and all so small so small i mean look at him get out of here ye rats ivan calls but there's humor in his voice and noise all trace of what was before hidden there's squeals of laughter outside the hole in the wall as the kids scatter and that's it they're gone like i might have made them up puppy's done man she box puppies i know i say scratching his head when he comes over i know ivan claps his hands together that's lunch then back to work he gives me one more important look before he heads back to the front of the barn what was that all about i say to puppies he murmurs digging his face into my hand and so there follows an afternoon pretty much exactly like my morning sweeping folks stopping by a break for water where ivan don't say nothing to me more sweeping i spend some time trying to think about what we might do next if it's even we who's doing it far branch will have its meeting about us and they'll definitely keep viola tiller ship arrives anyone can see that but will they want me and if they do do i stay and do i warn them i get a burning in my stomach every time i think about the book so i keep changing the subject after what seems like forever the sun starts to set there's no more damn sweeping i can do i've already covered the whole barn more than once counted the baskets recounted them made an attempt to fix the loose board in the wall even though no one asked me to there's only so much you can ready well do if no one lets you leave a barn ain't that the truth hildy says standing there suddenly you shouldn't sneak up on people like that i say all you quiet folk there's some food over at francia's house for you and for viola why don't you go on there get something to eat while you all have your meeting while we all have our meeting yes pub hildy says byla's already in the house no doubt eating all your dinner hungry todd manchi box there's food for ye too pup pup hildy says leaning down to pet him he flops right over on his back for no dignity whatsoever what's this meeting really about i ask all the new settlers that are coming that's big news she looks up from manche to me and introducing ye around of course getting the town used to the idea of a welcoming yee are they gonna oh welcome us people are scared of what they don't know todd pup she says standing once they know ye the problem goes away will we be able to stay i reckon so she says if you want to i don't say nothing to that you get on up to the house she says i'll come collect you both when the time's right i only nod in response and she gives a little wave and leaves walking back across a barn that's growing ever darker i take the broom back to where it was hanging my steps echoing i can hear the noise of men in the silence of women gathering across town in the meeting hall the word prentice town filters in most heavily and my name and viola's name and hildy's name and i gotta say though there's fear and suspicion in it i don't get a feeling of overwhelming non-welcome there's more askings than there is anger of the matthew lyle sort which you know maybe maybe that ain't so bad after all come on manche i say let's go get some food food he barks along in my heels i wonder how vile his day was i say and as i step toward the entrance to the barn i realize one bit of noise is separating itself from the general murmuring outside one bit of noise lifting from the stream and heading for the barn coming up right outside it i stop deep in the dark of the barn a shadow steps into the far doorway matthew lyle and his noise is saying you ain't going nowhere boy 19. further choices of a knife back back back manche immediately starts barking the moons glint off matthew lyle's machete i reached behind me i'd hidden the sheath under my shirt while i worked but the knife is definitely still there definitely i take it and hold it out at my side no mama to protect you this time matthew says swinging his machete back and forth like he's trying to cut the air into slices no skirts to hide you from what you did i didn't do nothing i say taking a step backward trying to keep my noise from showing the back door behind me don't matter matthew says walking forward as i step back we got a law here in this town i don't have no quarrel with you i say but i got one with ye boy he says his noise starting to rear up and there's anger in it sure but that weird grief's in it too that raging hurt you can almost taste on your tongue there's also nervousness swirling about him edgy as you please much as he's trying to cover it i step back again farther in the dark i ain't a bad man you know he says suddenly and kind of confusingly but swinging the machete i have a wife i have a daughter they wouldn't be wanting you to hurt no innocent boy i'm sure quiet he shouts and i can hear him swallow he ain't sure of this he ain't sure of what he's about to do what's going on here i don't know why you're angry i say but i'm sorry whatever it is what i want you to know before you pay he says over me like he's forcing himself not to listen to me what you need to know boy is that my mother's name was jessica i stopped stepping back excuse me my mother's name he growls was jessica this don't make no sense at all what i say i don't know what your listen boy he yells just listen and then his noise is wide open and i see and i see and i see i see what he's showing that's a lie i whisper that's a ruddy lie which is the wrong thing to say with a yell matthew leaps forward running the length of the barn toward me run i shout to manche turning and making a break for the back door shut up you honestly think a knife is a match for a machete i hear matthew still yelling his noise exploding after me and i reach the back door and fling it open before i realize manches not with me i turn around when i said run manched run the other way flinging himself with all his unconvincing viciousness toward the charging matthew man she i yell it's ready dark in the bar now and i can hear grunts and barks and clanks and then i hear matthew cry out in pain at what must surely be a bite good dog i think good effing dog and i can't leave him can i i run back into the darkness toward where i can see matthew hopping around and the form of manche dancing twixt his legs and swipes of the machete barking his little head off todd todd he's barking i'm five steps away and i'm still running when matthew makes a two-handed strike down at the ground embedding the tip of the machete into the wooden floor i hear a squeal from manche that don't have no words just pain and off he flies into a dark corner i let out a yell and crash right into matthew we both go flying toppling to the floor in a tumble of elbows and kneecaps it hurts but mostly i'm landed on matthew so that's okay we roll apart and i hear him call out in pain i get right back up to my feet knife in hand a few feet away from him far from the back door now with matthew blocking the front i hear manche whimpering in the dark i also hear some noise rising from across the village road in the direction of the meeting hall but there ain't no time to think about that now i'm not afraid to kill you i say though i totally am but i'm hoping my noise and his noise are now so rackety and revved up that he won't be able to make any sense of it that makes two of us then he says london for his machete it don't come out on the first tug or the second i take the chance to jump back into the dark looking for manche banshee i say frantically looking behind the sheaves and the piles of fruit baskets i can still hear matthew grunting to get his machete out of the floor and the ruckus from the town is growing louder todd i hear from deep in the darkness it's coming from beside the silage rolls down a little nook that opens up next to them back to the wall banshee i call sticking my head down it i look back real quick with a heave matthew gets his machete out of the floor god manchy says confused and scared god and here comes matthew coming on in slow steps like he no longer has to hurry his noise reaching forward in a wave that don't broke no argument i have no choice i wedge myself back into the nook and hold out my knife i leave i say my voice rising just let me get my dog and we'll leave too late for that matthew says getting closer you don't want to do this i can tell shut your mouth please i say waving the knife i don't wanna hurt you do i look concerned boy closer closer step by step there's a bang outside somewhere off in the distance people really are running and shouting now but neither of us look i press myself back into the little nook but it's really not wide enough for me i glance around seeing where escape might lie i don't find nothing much my knife's gonna have to do it it's gonna have to act even if it is against a machete todd i hear behind me don't worry manche i say it's gonna be all right and who knows what a dog believes matthew's almost on us now i grip my knife matthew stops a few feet from me so close i can see his eyes glinting in the dark jessica he says he raises his machete above his head i flinch knife up steel and knows what a dog believes matthew's almost on us now i grip my knife matthew stops a few feet from me so close i can see his eyes glinting in the dark jessica he says he raises his machete above his head i flinch knife up stealing myself but he pauses he pauses in a way i recognize and that's enough with a quick prayer that they ain't covered with the same stuff from the bridge i swing my knife in an arc to my side slicing right through thank you thank you the ropes holding up the silage rolls cutting the first lot clean away the other ropes snap pretty quick from the sudden shift in weight and i cover my head and press myself away as the silage rolls start to tumble i hear thumps and clumps and an oof from matthew and i look up and he's buried in silage rolls his arms out to one side the machete dropped i stepped forward and kick it away then turn to find manche he's back in a dark corner behind the now fallen rolls i race over to him god he says when i get close tail todd man she it's so dark i have to squat down next to him to see his tail's two-thirds shorter than it used to be blood everywhere but god bless him he's still trying to wag oh todd it's okay manche i say my voice and noise near crying from relief that it's just his tail we'll get you fixed right up okay todd i'm okay i say rubbing his head he nips my hand but i know he can't help it cause he's in pain he licks me an apology then nips me again oh todd he says todd hear it i hear shouted from the front of the barn francia i'm here i call standing up i'm all right matthew went crazy but i stopped because she ain't listening to me you gotta get yourself indoors todd pup prancia says in a rush you gotta she stops when she sees matthew under the silage what happened she says already starting to tug away the rolls getting one off his face and leaning down to see if he's still breathing i point to the machete that happened francia looks at it then a long look up at me her face saying something i can't read nor even begin to figure out i don't know if matthew's alive nor dead and i ain't never going to find out we're under attack pup she says standing you're what man she says rising princess town men that posse that's after ye they're attacking the whole town my stomach falls right out of my shoes oh no i say and then i say it again oh no francie is still looking at me her brain thinking who knows what don't give us to them i say backing away again they'll kill us frowns at this what kind of woman do you think i am i don't know i say that's the whole problem i'm not gonna give ye to them nor viola honestly now in fact the feeling of the town meeting as far along as it got was how we were deciding to protect you both from what was almost certainly a coming she looks down at matthew though maybe that's a promise we couldn't keep where's viola back at my house francia says suddenly all active again come on we gotta get ye inside wait i squeezed back behind the silage rolls and find manche still in his corner licking his tail he looks up at me and barks just a little bark that's not even a word i'm gonna pick you up now i say to him try not to bite me too hard okay okay todd he whimpers yelp and each time he wags his stumpy tail i reach down put my arms under his tummy and hoist him up to my chest he yelps and bites hard at my wrist then licks it it's okay buddy i say holding him as best i can francia is waiting for me at the door to the barn and i follow her out into the main road there are people running about everywhere i see men and women with rifles running up toward the orchards and other men and women scooting kids there they are again into houses and such in the distance i can hear bangs and shouts and yelling where's hildy i yell francia don't say nothing we reach our front steps what about hildy i ask again as we climb up she went off to fight francia says not looking at me opening the door they would have reached her farm first tam was still there oh no i say again stupidly like my own nose will do any good viola comes flying down from the upper floor as we enter what took you so long she says her voice kinda loud and i don't know which one of us she's talking to she gasps when she sees manche bandages i say some of those fancy ones she nods and races back up the stairs yi2 stay here francia says to me don't come out whatever you hear but we need to run i say not understanding this at all we need to get out of here no todd pup she says if prentice town wants you then that's reason enough for us to keep you from them but they've got guns so do we francia says no posse apprentice town man is going to take this town vile is back down the stairs now digging through her bag for bandages francia i say stay right here she says we'll protect you both of you she looks at us both hard like seeing if we agree and then she turns and is out the door to protect her town i guess we stare at the closed door for a second then manche whimpers again and i have to set him down viola gets out a square bandage and her little scalpel i don't know if these'll work on dogs she says better than nothing i say she cuts off a little strip and i have to hold manche's head down while she loops it around the mess of his tail he growls and apologizes and growls and apologizes until violence covered the whole wound up tight he immediately sets to licking it when i let him go stop that i say itches man she says stupid dog i scratch his ears stupid ruddy dog viola pets him too trying to keep him from licking off the bandage do you think we're safe she asked quietly after a long minute i don't know there's more bangs out in the distance we both jump more people shouting more noise no sign of hildy since this started viola says i know another bit of silence as we over pet manchy more ruckus from up in the orchards above town it all seems so far away as if it's not even happening francia told me that you can find haven if you keep following the main river biola says i look at her i wonder if i know what this means i think i do you want to leave i say they'll keep coming she says we're putting the people around us in danger don't you think they'll keep coming if they've already come this far i do i do think this i don't say it but i do but they said they could protect us i say do you believe that i don't say nothing to this neither i think of matthew lyle i don't think we're safe here anymore she says i don't think we're safe anywhere i say not on this whole planet i need to contact my ship todd she says almost pleading they're waiting to hear from me and you want to run off into the unknown to do it you do too she says i can tell she looks away if we went together i look up at her at this trying to see trying to know to know real and true all she does is look back which is enough let's go i say we pack fast without any more words i get my rucksack on she gets her bag around her shoulders man she's on his feet again and walking and out the back door we go as simple as that we're going safer for far branch definitely safer for us who knows who knows if this is the right thing to do after what hildy and francia seem to promise it's hard leaving but we're leaving and that's what we're doing because at least it's us who decided it i'd rather not have no one else tell me what they'll do for me even when they mean well it's full dark night outside now though both moons are shining bright everyone in town's attention is behind us so there's no one to stop us from running there's a little bridge that crosses the creek that runs through town how far is this haven i ask whispering as we cross kinda far bila whispers back how far is kinda far she don't say nothing for a second how far i say again couple of weeks walk she says not looking back couple of weeks where else do we have she says and i don't have an answer so we keep on walking across the creek the road heads up the far hill of the valley we decide to take it as the fastest way out of town then find our way back south to the river and follow that ben's map ends at far branch so the rivers all we got for directions from here on out there's so many askins that come with us as we run out of far branch askins that we'll never know the answers to why would the mayor and a few men go miles out of their way to attack a whole ruddy town on their own why are they still after us why are we so important and what happened to hildy and did i kill matthew lyle and was what he showed me in his noise right there at the end a true thing was that the real history apprentice town was what the real history viola asks as we hurry on up the path nothing i say and quit reading me we get to the top of the far hill on the valley just as another rattle of gunfire echoes across it we stop and look and then we see boy do we see oh my god viola says under the light of the two moons the whole valley kind of shines across the far branch buildings and back up into the hills where the orchards are we can see the men and women of far branch running back down that hill in retreat and marching over the top are five ten fifteen men on horseback followed by rows of men five across carrying guns marching in a line behind what has to be the mayor's horses in front not a posse not a posse at all it's prentice town i feel like the whole world's crumbling at my feet it's every ruddy man in prentiss town they have three times as many people as even live in far branch three times as many guns we hear gunshots and we see the men and women of far branch fall as they run back to their houses they'll take the town easily they'll take it before the hours through because the rumors were true the rumors that francia heard the word was true it's an army a whole army there's a whole army coming after me and viola part 4 20 army of men we duck behind some bushes even though it's dark even though the army is across the valley even though they don't know we're up here and there's no way they could hear my noise amidst all the ruckus going on down there we duck anyway can your binox see in the dark i whisper by way of answer violet digs them out of her bag and holds them up to her own eyes what's happening she says looking through and pressing more buttons who are all those men it's prentice town i say holding out my hand it looks like every man in the whole f in town how can it be the whole town she looks for a second or two more than hands the binox to me what kind of sense does that make you got me the night setting on the binocs turns the valley and all that's in it a bright green i see horses galloping down the hill into the main part of town the riders shooting their rifles on the way i see the people of far branch shooting back but mostly running mostly falling mostly dying the princesstown army don't seem interested in taking prisoners we have to get out of here todd viola says yeah i say but i'm still looking through the binocs with everything green it's hard to make out faces i press a few more buttons on the buy knocks till i find the ones that take me in closer the first person i see for sure is mr prentiss jr in the lead firing his rifle into the air when you don't have nothing else to shoot at then there's mr morgan and mr collins chasing some far branch men into the storage barns firing their rifles after them mr o'hare's there too and more the mayor's usual suspects on horseback mr edwin mr henrati mr sullivan and there's mr hammer the smile on his face showing up green and evil even from this distance as he fires his rifle into the backs of fleeing women hustling away small children and i have to look away or throw up the nothing i had for dinner the men on foot marched their way into town the first one i recognize is of all people mr phelps the store keeper which is weird because he never seemed army-like at all and there's dr baldwin and mr fox and mr cardiff who was our best milker and mr tate who had the most books to burn when the mayor outlawed them and mr kearney who milled the towns wheaton who always spoke softly and who made wooden toys for each prentice town boy's birthday what are these men doing in an army todd bila says pulling at my arm the men marching don't look none too happy i suppose grim and cold and scary in a different way from mr hammer like they're lacking all feeling but they're still marching they're still shooting they're still kicking down doors that's mr galuli i say bonox pressed to my eyes he can't even butcher his own meat todd viola says and i feel her backing away from the bushes let's go what's going on sure princess town was as awful a place as you could ever not want to paint it but how can it suddenly be an army there's plenty apprentice town men who are bad through and through but not all of them not all and mr galloway with a rifle is aside so wrong it almost hurts my eyes just to look at it and then of course i see the answer mayor prentice not even holding a gun just one hand on his horse's reins the other at his side riding into town like he's out for an evening canter he's watching the route of far branch as if it was a vid and not a very interesting one at that letting everyone else do the work but so obviously in charge no one would even think of asking him to break a sweat how can he make so many men do what he wants and is he bulletproof that he can ride so fearlessly todd vilas says behind me i swear i'll leave without you no you won't i say one more second because i'm looking from face to face now ain't i i'm going from princess town man to princess town man cause even if they're marching into town and are gonna find out soon enough that neither me nor viola is there and are gonna have to come this way after us i gotta know i gotta know face to face to face as they march and shoot and burn mr wallace mr as bjornsson mr saint james mr bell graves mr smith the older mr smith the younger mr smith with nine fingers even mr majora banks wobbling and teetering but marching marching marching prentice town man after prentice town man after princetown man my heart clenching and burning at each one i can identify they ain't there i say almost to myself who isn't viola says ain't man she barks licking at his tail they ain't there ben and killian ain't there which of course is grand ain't it of course they ain't part of an army of killers of course they ain't even when every other apprentice town man is they wouldn't be not never not know how no matter what good man great man both even killian but if that's true then that means the other is true too don't it if they ain't there then that means once and for all and there's your lesson there ain't nothing good that don't got real bad waiting to follow it i hope they put up the best fight ever i take the binox from my face and i look down and i wipe my eyes with my sleeve and i turn and i hand viola back the binocs and say let's go she takes them from me squirming a little like she's itching to leave but then she says i'm sorry so she must have seen it in my noise nothing that ain't already happened i say talking to the ground and readjusting the rucksack come on before i put us in danger any worse i take off up the path toward the top of the hill keeping my head down motoring fast viola after me manche trying to keep himself from biting at his tail as we run viola matches my speed before we get far at all did you see him she says between breaths aaron she nods no i say come to think of it no i didn't and you'd think he'd be out in front we're quiet for a minute as we hurry on our way and wonder what that means the road on this side of the valley is wider and we're doing our best to keep to the darker side of it as it twists and turns up the hill our only lights are the moons but they're bright enough to cast our shadows running along the road which is too bright when you're running away i never seen no night vision by knox in prentiss town but i didn't see no army neither so we're both crouching as we run manchester running on ahead of us his nose to the ground barking this way this way as if he knows any better than us where we're going then at the top of the hill the road forks which just figures you gotta be kidding i say one part of the road goes left the other goes right well it's a fork ain't it the creek and far branch was flowing to the right vila says and the main river was always to our right once we cross the bridge so it's got to be the right fork if we want to get back there but the left looks more traveled i say and it does the left fork looks smoother flatter the kind of thing you should be rolling carts over the right fork is narrower with higher bushes on each side and even though it's night you can just tell it's dusty did francius say anything about a fork i'd look back over my shoulder at the valley still erupting behind us no viola says also looking back she just said haven was the first settlement a new settlement sprang up down the river as people moved west prentice town was the farthest out far branch was the second farthest that one probably goes to the river i say pointing right then left that one probably goes to haven in a straight line which one will they think we took we need to decide i say quickly now to the right she says then turns it into an askin to the right we hear a boom that makes us jump a mushroom of smoke is rising in the air over far branch the barn where i worked all day is on fire maybe our story will turn out differently if we take the left fork maybe the bad things that are waiting to happen to us won't happen maybe there's happiness at the end of the left fork in warm places with people who love us and no noise but no silence neither and there's plenty of food and no one dies and no one dies and no one never never dies maybe but i doubt it i ain't what you call a lucky person right i decide might as well be right we run down the right fork man she at our heels the night and a dusty road stretching out in front of us an army in a disaster behind us me and viola running side by side we run till we can't run and then we walk fast till we can run again the sounds of far branch disappear behind us pretty quick and all we can hear are our footsteps beating on the path and my noise and manches barking if there are night creatures out there we're scaring them away which is probably good what's the next settlement i gasp after a good half hour's run walking did francius say shining beacon viola says gasping herself or shining light she scrunches her face blazing light blazing beacon that's helpful wait she stops in the path bending at the waist to catch her breath i stop too i need water i hold up my hands in a way that says and so do i i say you got some she looks at me her eyebrows up oh there was always a river i guess we'd better find it then i guess so i take a deep breath to start running again todd she says stopping me i've been thinking yeah i say blazing lights or whatever yeah if you look at it one way she lowers her voice to a sad and uncomfortable sound and says it again if you look at it one way we let an army into far branch i lick the dryness of my lips i taste dust and i know what she's saying you must warn them she says quietly into the dark i'm sorry but we can't go into any other settlements i say i don't think we can not till haven not until haven she says which we have to hope is big enough to handle an army so that's that then in case we needed any further reminding we're really on our own really and truly me and viola and manche in the darkness for company no one on the road to help us till the end if even there which knowing our luck so far i close my eyes i am todd hewitt i think when it gets to be midnight i'll be a man in 27 days i'm the son of my ma and pa may they rest in peace i am the son of ben and killian may they i am todd hewitt i'm viola eid viola says i open my eyes she has her hand out palm down held toward me that's my surname she says eid e-a-d-e i look at her for a second then down at her outstretched hand and i reach out and take it and press it inside my own and a second later i let go i shrug my shoulders to reset my rucksack i put my hand behind my back to feel the knife and make sure it's still there i give poor painting half tail manche a look and then match eyes with viola vila eid i say and she nods and off we run into further night 21 the wider world how can it be this far vila asks it doesn't make any logical sense is there another kind of sense it does make she frowns so do i we're tired and getting tireder and trying not to think of what we saw at far branch and we've walked and run what feels like half the night and still no river i'm starting to get afraid we've taken a seriously wrong turn which we can't do nothing about cause there ain't no turning back isn't any turning back i hear viola say behind me underneath her breath i turn to her eyes wide that's wrong on two counts i say number one constantly reading people's noise ain't gonna get you much welcome here she crosses her arms and sets her shoulders and the second the second is i talk how i please yes viola says that you do my noise starts to rise a bit and i take a deep breath but then she says shh and her eyes glint in the moonlight as she looks beyond me the sound of running water river man she barks we take off down the road and round a corner and down a slope and round another corner and there's the river wider flatter and slower than when we saw it last but just as wet we don't say nothing we just dropped to our knees on the rocks at water's edge and drink manche wading in up to his belly to start laughing vial is next to me and as i slurp away there's her silence again it's a two-way thing this is however clear she can hear my noise well out here alone away from the chatter of others or the noise of a settlement there's her silence loud as a roar pulling at me like the greatest sadness ever like i want to take it and press myself into it and just disappear forever down into nothing what a relief that would feel like right now what a blessed relief i can't avoid hearing you you know she says standing up and opening her bag when it's quiet and just the two of us and i can't avoid not hearing you i say no matter what it's like i whistle for manche out of the water there might be snakes he's ducking his rump under the current swishing back and forth until the bandage comes off and it floats away then he leaps out and immediately sets to licking his tail let me see i say he barks todd in agreement but when i come near he curls his tail as far under his belly as the new length will go i uncurl it gently manche murmuring dale to himself all the while what do you know i say those bandages work on dogs violas fished out two discs from her bag she presses her thumbs inside them and they expand right up into water bottles she kneels by the river fills both and tosses one to me thanks i say not really looking at her she wipes some water from her bottle we stand on the riverbank for a second and she's putting her water bottle back into her bag and she's quiet in a way that i'm learning means she's trying to say something difficult i don't mean any offense by it she says looking up to me but i think maybe it's time i read the note on the map i can feel myself redden even in the dark and i can also feel myself get ready to argue but then i just sigh i'm tired and it's late and we're running again and she's right ain't she there's nothing but spitefulness that'll argue she's wrong i drop my rucksack and take out the book unfolding the map from inside the front cover i hand it to her without looking at her she takes out her flashlight and shines it on the paper turning it over to ben's message to my surprise she starts reading it out loud and all of a sudden even with her own voice it's like benzes ringing down the river echoing from princeton and hitting my chest like a punch go to the settlement down the river and across the bridge she reads it's called far branch and the people there should welcome you and they did i say some of them viola continues there are things you don't know about our history todd and i'm sorry for that but if you knew them you would be in great danger the only chance you have of a welcome is your innocence i feel myself reading even more but fortunately it's too dark to see your ma's book will tell you more but in the meantime the wider world has to be warned todd prentice town is on the move the plan has been in the works for years only waiting for the last boy in prentiss town to become a man she looks up is that you that's me i say i was the youngest boy i turned 13 in 27 days and officially become a man according to princess town law and i can't help but think for a minute about what ben showed me about how a boy becomes i cover it up and say quickly but i got no idea what he means about them waiting for me the mayor plans to take far branch and who knows what else beyond cillian and i killian i correct her with a k sound killian and i will try to delay it as long as we can but we won't be able to stop it far branch will be in danger and you have to warn them always always always remember that we love you like our own son and sending you away is the hardest thing we'll ever have to do if it's at all possible we'll see you again but first you must get to far branch as fast as you can and when you get there you must warn them ben viola looks up that last part is underlined i know and then we don't say nothing for a minute there's blame in the air but maybe it's all coming from me who can tell with a silent girl my fault i say it's all my fault viola re-reads the note to herself they should have told you she says not expected you to read it if you can't if they told me prentice town would have heard it in my noise and known that i knew we wouldn't have even got the head start we got i glance at her eyes and look away i should have given it to someone to read and that's all there is to it ben's a good man i lower my voice was she refolds the map and hands it back to me it's useless to us now but i put it back carefully inside the front cover of the book i could read that for you bila says your mother's book if you wanted i keep my back to her and put the book in my rucksack we need to go i say we've wasted too much time here todd there's an army after us i say no more time for reading so we set off again and do our best to run for as much and as long as we can but as the sun rises all slow and lazy and cold we've had no sleep and that's no sleep after a full day's work and so even with that army on our tails we're barely able to even keep up a fast walk but we do through that next morning the road keeps following the river as we hoped and the land starts to flatten out around us great natural planes of grass stretching out to low hills and to higher hills beyond and to the north at least mountains beyond that it's all wild though no fences no fields of crops and no signs of any kind of settlement or people except for the dusty road itself which is good in one way but weird in another if new world isn't supposed to have been wiped out where is everybody you think this is right i say as we come around yet another dusty corner of the road with nothing beyond it but more dusty corners you think we're going the right way viola blows out thoughtful air my dad used to say there's only forward by only outward and up there's only forward i repeat outward and up she says what was he like i ask your paw she looks down at the road and from the side i can see half a smile on her face he smelled like fresh bread she says and then she moves on ahead and don't say nothing more morning turns to afternoon with more of the same we hurry when we can walk fast when we can't hurry and only rest when we can't help it the river remains flat and steady like the brown and green land around it i can see blue hawks way up high hovering and scouting for prey but that's about it for signs of life this is one empty planet viola says as we stop for a quick lunch leaning on some rocks overlooking a natural wear oh it's full enough i say munching on some cheese believe me i do believe you i just meant i can see why people would want to settle here lots of fertile farmland lots of potential for people to make new lives i chew people would be mistaken she rubs her neck and looks at manche sniffing around the edges of the weir probably smelling the wood weavers who made it living underneath why do you become a man here at thirteen she asks i look over at her surprised what that note she says the town waiting for the last boy to become a man she looks at me why wait that's how new world's always done it it's supposed to be scriptural aaron always went on about it symbolizing the day you eat from the tree of knowledge and go from innocence into sin she gives me a funny look that sounds pretty heavy i shrug ben said that the real reason was because a small group of people on an isolated planet need all the adults they can get so 13 is the day you start getting real responsibilities i throw a stray stone into the river don't ask me all i know is it's 13 years 13 cycles of 13 months 13 months she asks her eyebrows up a nod there are only 12 months in a year she says no there ain't there's 13. maybe not here she says but where i come from there's 12. uh blink 13 months in a new world year i say feeling dumb for some reason she looks up like she's figuring something out i mean depending on how long a day or a month is on this planet you might be 14 years old already that's not how it works here i say kind of stern not really liking this much i turned 13 in 27 days 14 and a month actually she says still figuring it out which makes you wonder how you tell how old anybody it's 27 days till my birthday i say firmly i stand and put the rucksack back on come on we've wasted too much time talking it ain't till the sun's finally started to dip below the tops of the trees that we see our first sign of civilization an abandoned water mill at the river's edge its roof burned off who knows how many years ago we've been walking so long we don't even talk don't even look around much for danger just go inside throw our bags down against the walls and flop to the ground like it's the softest bed ever manchy who don't seem to ever get tired is busy running around lifting his leg on all the plants that have grown up through the cracked floorboards my feet i say peeling off my shoes counting five no six different blisters viola lets out a weary sigh from the opposite wall we have to sleep she says even if i know she looks at me you'll hear them coming she says if they come oh i'll hear them i say i'll definitely hear we decide to take turns sleeping i say i'll wait up first and viola can barely say good night before she's out i watch her sleep as the light fades the little bit of clean we got at hildy's house is already long gone she looks like i must face smudge with dust dark circles under her eyes dirt under her nails and i start to think i've only known her for three days you know three f in days out of my whole entire life but it's like nothing that happened before really happened like that was all a big lie just waiting for me to find out no not like it was a big lie waiting for me to find out and this is the real life now running without safety or answer only moving only ever moving i take a sip of water and listen to the crickets chirping sex sex sex and i wonder what her life was like before these last three days like what's it like growing up on a spaceship a place where there's never any new people a place you can never get beyond the borders of a place like prenticetown come to think of it or if you disappeared you ain't never coming back i look back over to her but she did get out didn't she she got seven months out with her mom and paw on the little ship that crashed how's that work i wonder you need to send scout ships out ahead to make local field surveys and find the best landing sites she says without sitting up or even moving her head how does anyone ever sleep in a world with noise you get used to it i say but why so long why seven months that's how long it takes to set up first camp she covers her eyes with her hand in an exhausted way my mother and father and i were supposed to find the best place for the ships to land and build the first encampment and then we'd start building the first things that would be needed for settlers just landing a control tower a food store a clinic she looks at me twixt her fingers it's standard procedure i never seen no control tower on new world i say this makes her sit up i know i can't believe you guys don't even have communicators between settlements so you're not church settlers then i say sounding wise what does that have to do with anything she says why would any reasonable church want to be cut off from itself ben said that they came to this world for the simpler life said that there was even a fight in the early days whether to destroy the fission generators viola looks horrified you would have all died that's why they weren't destroyed i shrug not even after mayor apprentice decided to get rid of most everything else vila rubs her shins and looks up into the stars coming out through the hole that was the roof my mother and father were so excited she says a whole new world a whole new beginning all these plans of peace and happiness she stops i'm sorry it ain't that way i say she looks down at her feet would you mind waiting outside for a little while until i fall asleep yeah i say no problem i take my rucksack and go out the opening where the front door used to be manche gets up from where he's curled and follows me when i sit down he re-curls by my legs and falls asleep farting happily and giving a doggy sigh simple to be a dog i watch the moons rise the stars following him the same moons and the same stars as were in prentiss town still out here past the end of the world i take out the book again the oil in the cover shining from the moonlight i flipped through the pages i wonder if my mom was excited to land here i wonder if her head was full of peace and good hope and joy everlasting i wonder if she found any before she died this makes my chest heavy so i put the book back in the rucksack and lean my head against the boards of the mill i listen to the river flow past and the leaves shush into themselves in the few trees around us and i look at the shadows of far distant hills on the horizon and the rustling forests on them i'll wait for a few minutes then go back inside and make sure vile is okay the next thing i know she's waking me up and it's hours later and my head is completely confused till i hear her saying noise todd i can hear noise i'm on my feet before i'm fully awake quieting viola and a groggy man she barking his complaints they get quiet and i put my ear into the night whisper whisper whisper there like a breeze whisper whisper whisper no words and far away but hovering a storm cloud behind a mountain whisper whisper whisper we gotta go i say already reaching for my rucksack is it the army viola calls running through the door of the mail as she grabs her own bag army man she barks don't know i say probably could it be the next settlement viola comes back bag around her shoulders we can't be too far from it then why didn't we hear it when we got here she bites her lip damn yeah i say damn and so the second night after far branch passes like the first running in darkness using flashlights when we need them trying not to think just before the sun comes up the river moves out of the flats and into another small valley like the one by far branch and sure enough there's blazing beacons or whatever so maybe there really are people living out this way they've got orchards too and fields of wheat though nothing looks near as well tended as far branch lucky for us the main part of the town is on top of the hill with what looks like a bigger road going through it the left fork maybe and five or six buildings most of which could use a coat of paint down on our dirt road by the river there are just boats and wormy looking docks and dock houses and whatever else you build on a flowing river we can't ask anyone for help even if we got it the army's coming ain't it we should warn them but what if they're matthew lyles rather than hildy's and what if by warning them we draw the army right to them because then we're in everyone's noise and what if the settlement knows where the reason the army army's coming and they decided to turn us over to them but they deserve to be warned don't they but what if that endangers us you see what's the right answer and so we sneak through the settlement like thieves running from dock house to dock house hiding from the side from the town up the hill waiting as quiet as we can when we see a skinny woman taking a basket into a hen house up by some trees it's small enough that we get through it before the sun even fully rises and we're out the other side and back on the road like it never existed like it never happened even to us so that's that settlement then viola whispers as we take a look behind us and watch it disappear behind a bend we'll never even know what it was actually called and now we really don't know what's ahead of us i whisper back we keep going until we get to haven and then what she don't say nothing to that that's a lot of faith we're putting in a word i say there's got to be something todd she says her face kind of grim there has to be something there i don't say nothing for a second and then i say i guess we'll see and so starts another morning twice on the road we see men with horse-drawn carts both times we high off into the woods viola with her hand around manchester and me trying to keep my noise as princess town free as possible till they pass nothing much changes as the hours go by we don't hear no more whispers from the army if that's what it even was but there ain't no point in finding out for sure is there mornings turned into afternoon again when we see a settlement high up on a far hill we're coming up a little hill ourselves the river dropping down a bit though we can see it spreading out in the distance what looks like the start of a plane we're going to have to cross viola points her by knox at the settlement for a minute then handsome to me it's 10 or 15 buildings this time but even from a distance it looks scrubby and run down i don't get it viola says going by a regular schedule of settlement subsistence farming should be years over by now and there's obviously trade so why is there still this much struggle you don't really know nothing about settlers lives do you i say chafing just a little she purses her lips it was required in school i've been learning about how to set up a successful colony since i was five schooling ain't life ain't it she says her eyebrows raising in mock surprise what did i say before i snap back some of us were busy surviving and couldn't learn about subdivided farming subsistence don't care i get myself moving again on the road viola stomps after me we're going to be teaching you all a thing or two when my ship arrives she says you can be sure of that well won't we dumb hicks be lining up to kiss your behinds and thankfulness i say my noise buzzing and not saying behind yes you will be she's raising her voice trying to turn back the clock to the dark ages has really worked out for you hasn't it when we get here you'll see how people are supposed to settle that's seven months from now i see that her you'll have plenty of time to see how the other half live todd man she barks making us jump again and suddenly he takes off down the road ahead of us manche i yell after him get back here and then we both hear it 22 wealth and the sea of things it's weird noise but almost wordless crest in the hill in front of us and rolling down single-minded but talking in legions like a thousand voices singing the same thing yeah singing what is it viola asks spooked as i am it's not the army is it how could they be in front of us todd man she barks from the top of the small hill cows todd giant cows viola's mouth twists giant cows no idea i say and i'm already heading up the little hill because the sound how can i describe it like how stars might sound or moons but not mountains too floaty for mountains it's a sound like one planet singing to another high and stretched and full of different voices starting at different notes and sloping down to other different notes but all weaving together in a rope of sound that's sad but not sad and slow but not slow and all singing one word one word we reach the top of the hill and another plane unrolls below us the river tumbling down to meet it and then running through it like a vein of silver through a rock and all over the plain walking their way from one side of the river to the other are creatures creatures i've never seen the like of in my life massive they are 12 feet tall if they're an inch covered in shaggy silvery fur with a thick fluffed tail at one end and a pair of curved white horns at the other reaching right out of their brows and long necks that stretch down from wide shoulders to the grass of the plane below and these wide lips that mow it up as they trudge on dry ground and drink water as they cross the river and there's thousands of them thousands stretching from the horizon on our right to the horizon on our left and the noise of them all is singing one word at different times and different notes but one word binding them all together knitting them as a group as they cross the plane here viola says from somewhere off to my side they're singing here they're singing calling it from one to another in their noise here i am here we are here we go here is all that matters it's can i say it's like the song of a family where everything's always all right it's a song of belonging that makes you belong just by hearing it it's a song that'll always take care of you and never leave you if you have a heart it breaks if you have a heart that's broken it fixes it's wow i look at viola and she has her hand over her mouth and her eyes are wet but i can see a smile through her fingers and i open my mouth to speak says a completely other voice to our left we spin around to look my hand going right to my knife a man driving an empty cart pulled by a pair of oxen regards us from a little side path his mouth left hanging open like he forgot to close it there's a shotgun on the seat next to him like he just put it there from a distance man she barks go there's all go round cards says the man but now save on foot they'll squash you right up and again leaves his mouth open his nose buried under all the ears from the herd seems to pretty much be saying exactly what his mouth is i'm trying so hard not to think of certain words i'm already getting a headache i can give you as all a ride throws he says if you want he raises an arm and points down the road which disappears under the feet of the herd crossing it i hadn't even thought about how the creatures would be blocking our way but you can see how you wouldn't want to try walking through them i turn and i start to say something anything that'll be the fastest way to get away but instead the most amazing thing happens viola looks at the man and says i'm hildy she points at me that's ben what i say barking it almost like manche wealth says the man to viola and it takes a second to realize he's saying his name hi a wilf viola says and her voice ain't her own ain't her own at all there's a whole new voice coming out of her mouth stretch stretching and shortening itself twisting and unraveling and the more she talks the more different she sounds the more she sounds like wealth we're all for far branch where are you from wolf hangs his thumb back over his shoulder bob vesta he says i'm gone broccoli falls pick up some supplies well that's lucky viola says we're gone broccoli falls too this is making my headache worse i put my hands up to my temples like i'm trying to keep my noise inside trying to keep all the wrong things from spilling out into the world luckily the song of has made it like we're already swimming in sound habbo wilf says with a shrug come on ben viola says walk into the back of the cart and hoist in her bag on top wilf's gonna give us a ride she jumps on the cart and wilf snaps the reins on his oxen they take off slowly and wilf don't even look at me as he passes i'm still standing there in amazement when viola goes by waving her hand frantically to me to get on beside her i don't got no choice do i i catch up and pull myself up into the cart i sit down next to her and stare at her with my jaw down around my ankles what are you doing i finally hiss in what's supposed to be a whisper shh she shushes looking back over her shoulder at wilf but he could have already forgotten he picked us up for all that's going on in his noise i don't know she whispers by my ear just play along play along with what if we can get to the other side of the herd then it's between us and the army isn't it i hadn't thought about that but what are you doing what do bannon hildy got to do with it he has a gun she whispers checking on wilf again and you said yourself how people might react about you being from a certain place so it just sort of popped out but you were talking in his voice not very well good enough i say my voice going a little loud with amazement she says a second time but with the combo of the herd of creatures getting closer by the second and wilfs obvious not to brightness we might as well be having a normal conversation how do you do it i say still pouring surprise out all over her it's just lying todd she says trying to shush me again with her hands don't you have lying here well of course we have lying here new world in the town where i'm from avoiding saying the name avoiding thinking the name seemed to be nothing but lies but that's different i said it before men lie all the time to their selves to other men to the world at large but who can tell when the lies are strand and all the other lies and truths floating around out of your head everyone knows you're lying but everyone else is lying too so how can it matter what does it change it's just part of the river of a man part of his noise and sometimes you can pick it out sometimes you can't but he never stops being himself when he does it because all i know about viola is what she says the only truth i got is what comes out of her mouth and so for a second back there when she said she was hildy and i was ben and we were from far branch and she spoke just like wilf even though he ain't from far branch it was like all those things became true just for an instant the world changed just for a second it became made of viola's voice and it wasn't describing a thing it was making a thing it was making us different just by saying it oh my head todd man she barks popping up at the end of the cart looking up through our feet todd crap viola says i hop off the cart and sweep him up in my arms putting one hand around his muzzle using the other to get back on the cart he puffs through closed lips quiet manche i say i'm not even sure it matters viola says her voice stretching out i look up man she says a creature is walking right past us we've entered the herd entered the song and for a little while i forget all about any kind of lies i've never seen the sea only in vids no lakes where i grew up neither just the river and the swamp there may have been boats once but not in my lifetime but if i had to imagine being on the sea this is what i'd imagine the herd surrounds us and takes up everything leaving just the sky and us it cuts around us like a current sometimes noticing us but more usually noticing only itself in the song of which in the midst of it is so loud it's like it's taken over the running of your body for a while providing the energy to make your heart beat and your lungs breathe after a while i find myself forgetting all about wealth and the other things i could think about and i'm just lying back on the cart watching it all go by individual creatures snuffling around feeding bumping each other now and again with their horns and there's baby ones too and old bulls and taller ones and shorter ones and some with scars and some with scruffy or fur vial is laying down next to me and manche's little doggy brain is overwhelmed by it all and he's just watching the herd go by with his tongue hanging out and for a while for a little while as wilf drives us over the plane this is all there is in the world this is all there is i look over at viola and she looks back at me and just smiles and shakes her head and wipes away the wet from her eyes we're here and nowhere else because there's nowhere else but so this aaron viola says after a while in a low voice and i know exactly why it's now that she brings him up it's so safe inside the [Music] we can talk about any dangers we like yeah i say also keeping my voice low watching a little family of creatures waltz by the end of the cart the ma creature nuzzling forward a curious baby creature who's staring at us viola turns to me from where she's laying down aaron was your holy man a nod are one and only what kind of things did he preach the usual i say hellfire damnation judgment she eyes me up i'm not sure that's the usual todd i shrug he believed we were living through the end of the world i say who's to say he was wrong she shakes her head that's not what the preacher we had on the ship was like pastor mark he was kind and friendly it made everything seem like it was going to be okay i snort no that don't sound like aaron at all he was always saying god hears and if one of us falls we all fall like he was looking forward to it i heard him say that too she crosses her arms over herself the hee wraps us still flowing everywhere i turned to her did he did he hurt you back in the swamp she shakes her head again and lets out a sigh he ranted and raved at me and i guess it might have been preaching but if i ran he'd run after me and rant some more and i'd cry and ask him for help but he'd ignore me and preach some more and i'd see pictures of myself in his noise when i didn't even know what noise was i've never been so scared in my life not even when our ship was crashing we both look up into the sun if one of us falls we all fall she says what does that even mean which when i really think about it i realize i don't know and so i don't say nothing and we just sink back into the and let it take us a little further we are not nowhere else after an hour or a week or a second the creatures start thinning and we come out the other side of the herd manche jumps down off the cart we're going slow enough that there's no danger him getting left behind so i let him we're not through laying there on the cart just yet that was amazing viola says quietly because the song is already starting to disappear i forgot all about how much my feet hurt yeah i say what were those m big things wilf says not turning round just thanks that's all viola and i look at each other like we forgot he was even there how much have we given away em thang's got a name viola asks sitting up acting her lie again oh sure wilf says giving the oxen free of rain now that we're out of the herd packing vines or field base or anaphant we see them shrug from behind i just call them fangs that's all thangs violet says things i try wilf looks back over his shoulder at us say what y'all from fall branch he asks yes sir viola says with a look at me wilf nods at her y'all been seen that day army my noise spikes real loud before i can quiet it but again wolf don't seem to notice viola looks at me worry on her forehead and what arm is that wilf she says the voice missing a little that bad armor from cursed town he says still driving along like we're talking about vegetables that there are may come out of the swamp come taken settlements grown as it come y'all been seeing that where'd you hear about an army wealth stars wilf says stories are calm chatting down the river people talking you know stars y'all been seeing that i shake my head at viola but she says yeah we seen it wilf looks back over his shoulder again is it big very big viola says looking at him seriously you gotta prepare yourself wealth there's danger coming you need to warn broccoli hills rockler falls wealth correct sir you gotta warn them wealth we hear wealth grunt and then we realize it's a laugh ain't nobody left no wealth i tell you what he says almost to himself then strikes the reins on the oxen again it takes most of the rest of the afternoon to get to the other side of the plane through violence by knox we can see the herd of things still crossing in the distance from south to north like they're never going to run out wilf don't say nothing more about the army viola and i keep our talking to a bare minimum so we don't give any more away plus it's so hard to keep my noise clear it's taken most of my concentration manche follows along the road doing his business and sniffing every flower when the sun is low in the sky the cart finally creaks to a halt broccoli falls wilf says nodding his head to where we can see in the distance the river tumbling off a low cliff there's 15 or 20 buildings gathered around the pond at the bottom of the falls before the river starts up a smaller road turns off from this one and leads down to it we're getting off here bila says and we hop down taking our bags from the cart don't you matt wilf says looking back over his shoulder at us again thank you wilf she says welcome he says staring off into the distance best take shelter for too long gonna rain both viola and me automatically look straight up there ain't a cloud in the sky wilf says no one listen no will viola looks back at him her voice returning to itself trying to get the point to him clearly you have to warn them wealth please if you're hearing that an army is coming then you're right and people have to be ready all wilf says again before snapping the reins and turning the oxen down the split road toward broccoli falls he don't even look back once we watch him go for a while and then turn back to our own road vila says stretching out her legs as she steps forward i know i say mine too you think he was right viola says about what about the army getting bigger as it marches she imitates his voice again grown as it come how do you do that i ask you're not even from here she shrugs a game i used to play with my mother she says telling a story using different voices for every character can you do my voice i ask kinda tentative she grins so you can have a conversation with yourself i frown that don't sound nothing like me we head back down the road broccoli falls disappearing behind us the time on the cart was nice but it weren't sleep we try to go as fast as we can but most times that ain't much more than a walk plus maybe the army really is caught far behind really will have to wait behind the creatures maybe maybe not but within the half hour you know what it's raining people should listen to wealth viola says looking up the roads found its way back down near the river and we find a reasonably sheltered spot twix the two we'll eat our dinner see if the rain stops if it don't we got no choice but to walk in it anyway i haven't even checked to see if ben packed me a slicker what's a slicker vila asks as we sit down against different trees a raincoat i say looking through my rucksack nope no slicker great and what did i say about listening too close i still feel a little calm if you want to know the truth though i probably shouldn't the song of still feels like it's being sung even if i can't hear it even if it's miles away back on the plane i find myself humming it even though i don't have a tune trying to get that feeling of connectedness of belonging of having someone there to say that you're i look over at vila eating out of one of her packets of fruit i think about my ma's book still in my rucksack stories and voices i think could i stand to hear my mom's voice spoken byla crinkles the fruit packet she's just finished that's the last of them i got some of this cheese left i say and some dried mutton but we're gonna have to start finding some of our own on the way you mean like stealing she asks i mean like hunting i say but maybe stealing too if we have to and there's wild fruit and i know some roots we can eat if you boil them first hmm pile of frowns there's not much call for hunting on a spaceship i could show you okay she says trying to sound cheerful don't you need a gun not if you're a good hunter rabbits are easy with snares fish with lines you can catch squirrels with your knife but there ain't much meat horse todd man she barks quietly i laugh for the first time in what seems like forever viola laughs too we ain't hunting horses manche i reach out to pet him stupid dog horse he barks again standing up and looking down the road from the direction we just came we stop laughing twenty three a knife is only as good as the one who wields it there's hoof beats on the road distant but approaching at full gallop someone from broccoli hills vilas says hope and doubt both in her voice broccoli falls i say standing we need to hide we repack our bags in a hurry it's a narrow strip of trees we've managed to get ourselves stuck in twix the road in the river we don't dare cross the road and with the river at our backs a fallen log is the best we're gonna get we gather the last of our things and crouch down behind it manche held twix my knees rained splashing everywhere i take out my knife the hoof beats keep coming louder and louder only one horse viola whispers it's not the army yeah i say but listen how fast he's riding thump but thump we hear through the trees we can see the dot of him approaching he's coming full out down the road even though it's raining and nights falling no one had ride like that with good news would they viola looks behind us at the river can you swim yeah good she says because i can't thump but a thump i can hear the buzz of the rider's noise starting but for a time the galloping is louder and i can't hear it clearly horse manchy says from down below it's there static twix the hoof beats flashes of it parts of words caught red and paw and dark and stupid and more and more i clench the knife harder viola is not saying nothing now don't put a thumb butter faster and not fall and shot and whatever it and he's coming down the road around a little curve we just took 100 meters back leaning forward the knife turns in my hand because shot them all and she was tasty and dark here i think i recognize and he's nearer and nearer till he's almost and then todd hewitt rings out as clear as day through the rain and the galloping in the river viola gasps and i can see who it is junior man she barks it's mr prentice jr we try to duck down farther below the log but it ain't no use cause we already see him pulling back hard on the reins to stop his horse causing it to rear up and nearly throw him but only nearly and not enough to make him drop the rifle he's got under one arm todd effin hewitt screams his noise oh i hear viola say and i know what she means well mr prentice jr yells and we're close enough to see the smile on his face and hear amazement in his voice you're taking the road you ain't even going off trail my eyes meet violence what choice did we have i've been hearing your noise for almost your whole stupid life boy he turns his horse this way and that trying to find where exactly we are in our little strip of woods you think i'm not gonna hear it if you just hide there's joy in his noise real joy like he can't believe his luck and wait a minute he says and we hear him edging his horse off the road and into the woods wait just a minute what's that beside you that empty space of nothing he says it's so nasty viola flinches i got the knife in my hand but he's on horseback and we know he's got a gun 2f and right i got a gun todd boy he calls no longer searching around but coming straight for us getting his horse to step over bushes and round trees and i got another gun too another one special just for you little lady there todd i look at viola i know she sees what he's thinking what's in his noise the pictures that ooze out of it i know she does because i can see her face closing right up i bump her arm and i flash my eyes over to our right just about the only possibility we have for an escape oh please run boy mr prentice jr calls please give me a reason to hurt you the horse is so close we can hear its noise too jittery and crazy there's no farther down we can crouch he's nearly on top of us i grip the knife and squeeze viola's hand once hard for luck it's now or never and now i yell we jump up and a gun blast rings out splintering the branches over our heads but we run anyway get mr prentice jr shouts to his horse and here they come in two bounds his horse turns and jumps back to the road following along it as we run the strip twix the road in the river ain't getting any thicker and we can see each other as we go branches snap and puddles splash and feet slip and he pounds along the road matching our every step we ain't gonna get away from him we just ain't but we try each of us taking a twisted path up and over logs and through bushes and manches panting and barking at our heels and the rain splashing down on us and the roads getting closer and then it suddenly veers sharply toward the river and we got no choice but to cross it in front of him to get to the deeper woods on the other side and i can see viola leaping over the boundary and onto the road with our arms pumping and mr prentiss jr around in the bend and he's twirling something in his hand and we make a dash for the other side but the horse is roaring down on us and suddenly i feel something grab my legs binding them so fast and so tight i fall right off my feet ah i yell and i hit my face into muck and fallen leaves and the rucksack goes over my head and nearly rips my arms off as it flies off my back and viola sees me fall and she's nearly across the road but i see mud curling up from where her feet are digging in to stop herself and i shout no run run and she locks my eyes and i see something change on her face but who knows what it means and as the horse bears down she turns and disappears into the woods and manche runs back to me and barks todd todd and i'm caught i'm caught i'm caught because mr prentice jr is standing over me breathing hard high on his white horse rifle cocked and pointed i know what's happened he's thrown a rope with weights at either end right at my legs and they've twisted round and caught me expert just like a hunter after swamp deer i'm stuck down here in the mud on my belly caught like an animal my paw sure is gonna be glad to see you he says his horse nervy and stepping side to side rain i can hear it thinking and is it a snake i was just supposed to see if there were rumors of you on the road ahead mr apprentice junior sneers but here you are in the real honest to god flesh f you i say and do you think i say f i've still got the knife in my hand and it sure is making me quake with fear he says moving the rifle so i'm looking right down the barrel drop it i hold my arm out away from me and drop the knife it splashes in the mud and i'm still on my belly your little lady sure didn't show you no loyalty now did she he says hopping off his horse calming it with his free hand man she growls at him but mr prentice jr just laughs what happened to its tail man she jumps his teeth bared but mr prentice jr is faster kicking him away with a vicious boot to the face manche yelps and cowers in the bushes friends abandoning you right and left todd he walks over to me but that's the lesson you learn huh dogs is dogs and women turn out to be dogs too you shut up i say clenching my teeth his noise goes off fake sympathy and triumph poor poor toddy all this time traveling with a woman and i'm guessing you never figured out what to do with one you stopped talking about her i spit i'm still on my belly and my legs are still tied but i find i can bend my knees his nose gets uglier louder but his face is all blank like a terror from a dream what you do todd he says squatting down to get closer to me is you keep the ones that are and you shoot the ones that are not he leans even closer i can see the pathetic hairs on his upper lip not even made darker by the rain coming down he's only two years older than me only two years bigger snake thanks the horse i put my hands slowly down on the ground i push a little into the mud after i tie you up he says turning it into a whispering taunt i'll go find your little lady and let you know which kind she is which is when i jump i push up with my hands and kick forward hard with my legs launching myself right at his face the top of my head hits his nose with a crunch and he falls backward me coming down right on top of him i hit him hard in the face with each fist while he's still too surprised to react and then ram my knees into the man's place twixt his legs he curls up like a bug and lets out a low angry moan and i roll off him back over to my knife picking it up and cutting the rope around my legs and getting to my feet and i kick the gun away and i jump in front of the horse screaming snake snake and waving my arms which does the trick instantly and it turns and runs back down the road with a terrified winnie riderless into the rain i look around and bam mr prentiss jr hits me across the bridge of the nose with his fist but i don't fall and he yells you piece of and i swing my arm out with the knife in it and i make him jump back and i swing it again water pouring out of my eyes from both the punch and the rain and he steps away from me looking for his gun and limping a little and he sees it in the mud and he turns his body to fetch it and i'm not thinking at all and i jump on him knocking him back down and he hits me with his elbow but i don't fall off and my noise is screaming and his noise is screaming and i don't even know how but i've got him on his back and the point of my knife held up under his chin we both stopped struggling why are you after us i shout into his face why are you chasing us and him in his stupid pathetic non-mustache smile i need him again twixt his legs he groans again and spits at me but i've still got the knife which has now made a little cut my father wants you he finally says why i say why does he want us us his eyes go wide there's no f in us he wants you todd just you i can't believe this what i say why but he's not answering he's looking into my noise he's looking and searching hey i say slapping him across the face with the back of my hand hey i'm asking you and asking but the smile's back i can't effing believe it but the smile's back you know what my father always says todd hewitt he learns up at me he says a knife is only as good as the one who wields it shut up i say you're a fighter i'll give you that still smiling still bleeding a little below his chin but you ain't no killer shut up i yell but i know he can see in my noise that i heard those exact words from aaron oh yeah he says what are you gonna do about it kill me i will i shout i'll kill you he just licks some rain from his lips and laughs i have him pinned to the ground with a knife up under his chin and he's laughing stop it i scream at him and i raise the knife he keeps on laughing and then he looks at me and he says he says he says this you want to hear how ben and killian scream for mercy before i shot him twix the eyes and my noise buzzes red and i clench the knife to strike at him and i'm gonna kill him i'm gonna kill him and and and and right at the top of my swing right at the moment when i start to bring it down right at the moment when the power is mine to command and do with as i please i hesitate again i hesitate only for a second but god damn me god damn me forever and forever because in that second he kicks up his legs throws me off him and elbows me in the throat i lean over choking and i can only feel his hand wrench the knife away from my own as easy as candy from a baby now todd he says standing over me let me show you a thing or two about wielding 24 the death of the worthless coward i deserve it i've done everything wrong i deserve it if i had the knife back i'd kill myself with it except i'd probably be too much of a coward to do that too you're some piece of work todd hewitt mr prentice jr says examining my knife i'm kneeling now knees in the mud hand at my throat still trying to get my breath you had this fight one and then you went and just threw it away he runs a finger up the blade stupid as well as yellow just finish it i mumble into the mud what was that mr prentice jr says the smile back his noise bright just finish it i shout up to him oh i'm not gonna kill you he says his eyes flashing my power wouldn't be too happy with that now woody he steps up to me and holds the knife near my face he puts the tip of it into my nose so i have to hold my head back farther and farther but there's lots of things you can do with a knife he says without killing a man i'm not even looking around no more for ways to get away i'm looking right into his eyes which are awake and alive and about to win his noise the same pictures of him and far branch pictures from back at my farm pictures of me kneeling in front of him there ain't nothing in my noise but a pitfall of my stupidity and worthlessness and hate i'm sorry ben i'm so so sorry but then again he says you ain't a man oh yeah he lowers his voice and you never will be he moves the knife in his hand turning the blade toward my cheek i close my eyes and i feel a wash of silence flow over me from behind my eyes snap open well looky here mr prentice jr says glancing up over the top of my head my back is to the deeper woods opposite the river and i can feel the quiet of viola standing there as clearly as if i could see her run i yell without turning around get away from here she ignores me step back i hear her say to mr prentice jr i'm warning you you're warning me he says point to himself with the knife the smile back on his face then he jumps a little as something smacks him in the chest and sticks there it looks like a bunch of little wires with a plastic bulb on the end mr prentice jr puts the knife underneath it and tries to flick it off but it stays stuck he looks up at viola smirking whatever this is supposed to be sister he says it didn't work and smack flash is a huge blast of light and i feel a hand on my collar yank me back to the point of choking i fall back and away as mr prentice jr's body jerks into a spasm flinging the knife out to one side sparks and little flashes of lightning flying out of the wires and into his body smoke and steam come from everywhere his sleeves his collar his pant legs viola is still pulling me back out of the way by my neck when he falls to the ground face first in the muck right on top of his rifle she lets go and we tumble together on a little bank by the side of the road i grab my neck again and we lay there breathing heavily for a second the sparks and flashes stop and mr prentice jr twitches in the mud i was afraid bila says twix deep breaths all this water around that i might take you and me with him but he was about to cut i stand without saying nothing my noise focused my eyes on the knife i go right to it todd viola says i'll pick it up and stand over him is he dead i ask without looking at viola shouldn't be she says it was just the voltage from a i raised the knife todd no give me one good reason i say knife still hovering i still on him you're not a killer todd she says i spin around to her my noise roaring up like a beast don't say that don't you ever say that todd she says her hands out her voice calming i'm while we're in this mess they're not looking for you they're looking for me i turned back to mr prentice jr and if i could kill one of them then maybe we todd no listen to me she says coming closer listen to me i look at her my noise is so ugly and my face so twisted she hesitates a little but then she takes another step forward listen to me while i tell you something and then outpour more words from her than i ever heard before when you found me back there in the swamp i had been running from that man from aaron for four days and you were only the second person i'd ever seen on this planet and you came at me with that same knife and for all i knew you were exactly like him her hands are still up like i'm mr prentice junior's long gone horse in need of coleman but before i even understood what was going on with the noise and with prentice town and with whatever your story was i could tell about you people can tell todd we can see that you won't hurt us that's not you you hit me in the face with a branch i say she puts her hands on her hips well what did you expect you came at me with a knife but i didn't hit you hard enough to hurt you badly did i i don't say nothing and i was right she says you bandaged my arm you rescued me from aaron when you didn't have to you took me out of the swamp where i would have been killed you stood up for me to that man in the orchard you came with me when we needed to leave far branch no i say my voice low no you're not reading the story right we're only having to run cause i couldn't i think i'm finally understanding the story todd she says why are they coming after you so fiercely why is a whole army chasing you across towns and rivers and planes and the whole stupid planet she points to mr prentice jr i heard what he said don't you wonder why they want you so badly the pit in me is just getting blacker and darker because i'm the one who don't fit exactly my eyes go wide why is that good news i have an army who wants to kill me because i'm not a killer wrong she says you have an army who wants to make you a killer a blink huh she takes another step forward if they can turn you into the kind of man they want boy i say not a man yet she waves this away if they can snuff out that part of you that's good the part of you that won't kill then they win don't you see if they can do it to you they can do it to anyone and they win they win she's near me now and she reaches out her hand and puts it on my arm the one still holding the knife we beat them she says you beat them by not becoming what they want i clench my teeth he killed ben and killian she shakes her head no he said he did and you believed him we look down at him he's not twitching no more and the steam is starting to blow away i know this kind of boy she says we have this kind of boy even on spaceships he's a liar he's a man how can you keep saying that she asks her voice finally snappy how can you keep saying that he's a man and you're not just because of some stupid birthday if you were where i came from you'd already be 14 and a month i'm not where you're from i shout i'm from here and that's how it works here well how it works here is wrong she lets go of my arm and kneels down by mr prentice jr we'll tie him up we'll tie him up good and tight and we'll get the heck out of here all right i don't let go of the knife i will never let go of this knife no matter what she says no matter how she says it she looks up and around where's manche oh no we find him in the bushes he growls at us without words just animal growls he's holding his left eye shut and there's blood around his mouth it takes a bunch of tries but i finally catch him while viola takes out her meta pack of wonders i hold him down as she forces him to swallow a pill that makes him go floppy and then she cleans out his broken teeth and puts a cream in his eye she tapes a bandage to it and he looks so small and beaten that when he says bug through one-eyed grogginess i just hug him to me and sit for a bit under the bushes out of the rain while viola repacks everything and gets my rucksack out of the mud your clothes are all wet she says after a while and the food is smashed but the book's still in the plastic the book's all right and the thought of my ma knowing what a coward her son would be one day makes me want to throw the book in the river but i don't we go tie up mr prentice jr with his own rope and find that the electric shock has blown the wooden stock right off his rifle which is a shame cause it could have come in handy what was that you shocked him with i ask huffing and puffing as we drag him to the side of the road knocked out people are heavy a device for telling the ship in space where i am on the planet she says it took forever to pull apart i stand up how will your ship know where you are now she shrugs we'll just have to hope that haven't will have something i watch her go to her own bag and pick it up i sure hope haven has half what she's expecting we leave mr prentiss jr was right about the stupidity of staying on the road so we keep a hundred or so feet away from it on the non-river side trying to keep it inside as best we can we take turns carrying manche as the night passes we don't talk much neither she might have a point right yeah okay maybe that's what the army's after maybe if they can make me join they can make anyone join maybe i'm their test who knows the whole town's crazy enough to believe something like that if one of us falls we all fall but for one that don't explain why aaron's after us and for two i've heard her lie now ain't i her words sound good but who's to know if she's making truth up rather than just saying it because i'm never gonna join the army and may apprentice must know that not after what they did to bannon killian whether mr prentice jr's noise was true or not so that's where she's dead wrong whatever they want whatever the weakness is in me that i can't kill a man even when he deserves it it's got to change for me to be a man it's got to well how can i hold my head up midnight passes and i'm 25 days and a million years from becoming a man because if i'd killed aaron he couldn't have told me apprentice where he'd seen me last if i could have killed mr prentice jr back at the farm he wouldn't have led the mayor's men to bannon killian and wouldn't have lived to harm manche if i'd been any kind of killer i could have stayed and helped ben and killian defend themselves maybe if i was a killer they wouldn't be dead and that's a trade i'd make any day i'll be a killer if that's what it takes watch me the terrain's getting rougher and steeper as the river starts making canyons again we rest for a while under a rocky outcropping and eat the last of the food that didn't get ruined by the fight with mr prentice jr i lay manche across my lap what was in that pill it was just a little crumb of a human painkiller she says i hope it's not too much i run my hand over his fur he's warm and asleep so at least still living todd she says but i stop her i want to keep moving as long as we can i say i know we should sleep but let's go till we can't go no more she waits a minute then she says okay and we don't say nothing more just finish the last of the food the rain keeps up all night as we go and there's no racket like rainfall in the woods a billion drops patterning down a billion leaves the river swelling and roaring the squish of the mud under our feet i hear noise now and again in the distance probably from woodland creatures but always out of sight always gone when we get near is there anything out here that could harm us viola asks me having to raise her voice over the rain too many to count i say a gesture to manche in her arms he awake yet not yet she says worry in her voice i hope i and that's how unprepared we are when we step around another rocky outcropping and into the campsite we both stop immediately and take in what's in front of our eyes all in a flash a fire burning freshly caught fish hanging from a spit over it a man leaning over a stone scraping scales from another fish that man looking up as we step into his campsite in an instant like knowing viola was a girl even though i'd never seen one i know in the second it takes me to reach for my knife i know that he's not a man at all he's a spackle 25 killer the world stops spinning the rain stops falling the fire stops burning my heart stops beating a spackle there ain't no more spackle they all died in the war there ain't no more spackle and here's one standing right in front of me he's tall and thin like in the vids i remember white skin long fingers and arms the mouth mid-face where it ain't supposed to be the ear flaps down by the jaw eyes blacker than swamp stones lycan and moss growing where clothes should be alien as alien as you can be holy crap you might as well just crumple up the world i know and throw it away todd vila says don't move i say because through the sound of the rain i can hear the spackles noise no words come out clear just pictures skewed up strange and with all the wrong colors but pictures of me and viola standing in front of him looking shocked pictures of the knife now outstretched in my hand todd vila says a small warning in her voice because his noise has more in it it's got feelings washing up in a buzz feelings of fear i feel his fear good my noise turns red todd viola says again quit saying my name i say the spackle pulls himself slowly upright from where he's skinning the fish he's made his camp underneath another rocky outcropping down the slope of a small hill a good part of it's dry and i see bags and a roll of moss there might be a bed there's also something shiny and long resting against the rock i can see the spackle picture it in his nose it's the spear he's been using to catch fish in the river don't i say to him i think for a second but only for a second how clear i understand all this how clear i can see him standing in the river how easy he is to read even though it's all pictures but the second passes in a flash because i see him thinking about making a leap for the spear todd she says put the knife down and he makes his leap i leap at the same time watch me no i hear viola scream but my noise is roaring way too loud for me to hear it as more than a whisper because all i'm thinking is i take running steps across the campsite knife up and ready bearing down on the spackle all skinny knees and elbows as he stumbles heading for his spear all i'm thinking and sending forward to him and my red red noise are images and words and feelings of all i know all that's happened to me all the times i failed to use the knife every bit of me screaming i'll show you who's a killer i get to him before he gets to the spear barreling into him with my shoulder we fall to the less muddy dirt with a thud and his arms and legs all over me long like wrestling with a spider and he's striking me on the head but they're little more than slaps really and i realize and i realize and i realize i realize he's weaker than me todd stop it i hear viola call he scrabbles away from me and i thump him on the side of his head with a fist and he's so light it topples him over onto a pile of rocks and he looks back up at me and his mouth is making a hissing sound and there's terror and panic flying out of his noise stop it viola screams can't you see how scared he is and well he should be i yell back cause there ain't no stopping my noise now i step toward him and he tries to crawl away but i grab him by his long wide ankle and drag him off the rocks back under the ground and he's making this horrible keening sound and i ready my knife and viola must have put manche down somewhere because she grabs my arm and she pulls it back to stop me cutting down the speck and i push into her with my body to shake her off but she won't let go and we go stumbling away from the spackle who cowers down by a rock his hands in front of his face let go of me i yell please todd she yells back pulling and twisting my arm stop this please i twist my arm around and use my free one to push her away and when i turn the spackles skidded along the ground heading for his spear has his fingers on the end and all my hate erupts into me like a volcano at full bright red and i fall on him and i punch the knife into his chest it crunches as it goes in turning to the side as it hits a bone and the spackle screams the most terrible terrible sound and dark red blood red it's red they bleed red sprays out of the wound and he brings a long arm up and scratches across my face and i pull back my arm and i stab him again and a long screeching breath comes out of his mouth with a loud gurgle and his arms and legs still scramble around him and he looks at me with his black black eyes and his nose filled with pain and bafflement and fear and i twist the knife and he won't die and he won't die and he won't die and in a moan and a shudder he dies and his noise stops all together i gag and i yank out the knife and paddle my way back along the mud i look at my hands at the knife there's blood all over everything the knife is covered with it even all over the handle and both my hands and arms in the front of my clothes and a splash on my face that i wipe away mingling with my own blood from the scratch even with the rain coming down on me now there's more of it than seems possible the spackle lays where i where i killed him i hear viola making a choking and gasping sound and i look up to her and when i do she shrinks from me you don't know i shouted her you don't know anything they started the war they killed my ma all of it everything that's happened it's their fault and then i throw up and i keep throwing up and when my noise starts to calm i throw up all over again i keep my head to the ground the world is stopped the world is still stopped i don't hear nothing from viola but her silence i feel my rucksack digging into the back of my neck as i lean forward i don't look over at the spackle he would have killed us i finally say talking into the ground viola don't say nothing he would have killed us i'll say again he was terrified viola cries her voice breaking even i could see how scared he was he went for his spear i say lifting my head because you came after him with a knife i can see her now her eyes are wide and growing more blank like they did when she closed up on herself and started rocking they killed everyone on new world i say she shakes her head fiercely you idiot you stupid idiot she don't say effin how many times have you found out that what you've been told isn't true she says backing away from me even farther her face twisted how many times viola weren't all the speckled killed in the war she says and my god how i hate how frightened her voice sounds huh weren't they and the last of my anger drops out of my noise as i realize how i've been the fool again and i turn around to the spackle and i see the campsite and i see the fish on the lines and no no no no no i see the fear that was coming from his noise no no please no and there's nothing left for me to throw up but i heave anyway and i'm a killer i'm a killer i'm a killer oh please no i'm a killer i start to shake i start to shake so bad i can't stand up i find i'm saying no over and over again and the fear and his noise keeps echoing around mine and there's nowhere to run from it it's just there and there and there and i'm shaking so bad i can't even stay on my hands and knees and i fall into the mud and i can still see the blood everywhere and the rain's not washing it off i squeeze my eyes shut tight and there's only blackness only blackness and nothing one more time i've ruined everything one more time i've done everything wrong from a long way away i can hear viola saying my name but it's so far away and i'm alone here and always alone i hear my name again from a far far distance i feel a pull on my arm it's only when i hear a squib of noise not my own that i open my eyes i think there's more of them out there viola whispers down near my ear i raise my head my own noise is so filled with junk and horror that it's hard to hear clearly and the rain is still falling heavy as ever and i take a stupid moment to wonder if we'll ever get dry again and then i hear it murmuring and indistinct in the trees impossible to pin down but definitely out there if they didn't want to kill us before viola says they'll sure want to now we need to go i try to get to my feet i'm still shaking and it takes a try or two but i do i'm still holding the knife it's sticky with blood i throw it to the ground viola's face is a terrible thing grieving and scared and horrified all at me all at me but as ever we ain't got no choice so i just say again we need to go and i go to pick up manche from where she'd set him down in the dry lee of the spackles outcropping he's still sleeping and shivering from the cold when i pick him up and i bury my face in his fur and breathe in his familiar doggy stink hurry viola says and i turned back to her to see her looking all around the noise still whispering all around through the woods and the rain and the fear still on her face she returns her gaze to me and i find it impossible to hold and so i look away but as i'm looking away i see movement behind her i see the bushes part behind where she's standing and i see her see my face changing and she turns in time to see aaron coming out of the woods behind her and he's grabbing her by the neck with one hand and smashing a cloth over her nose and mouth with the other and as i call out and take a step forward i hear her scream from beneath it and she tries to fight with her hands but aaron's holding her tight and by the time i've taken my second and third steps she's already swooning from whatever's on the cloth and on my fourth and fifth steps he's dropping her to the ground and manche is still in my arms and on my sixth step he's reaching behind his back and i don't have my knife and i have manche with me and i can only run toward him and on my seventh step i see him bring around a wooden staff that's been strapped to his back and it swings through the air and strikes me full on the side of my head with a crack and i fall and manche tumbles from my arms and i crash into the ground on my belly and my head is ringing so hard i can't even catch myself and the world goes wobbly and gray and full of only pain and i'm on the ground and everything is tilting and sliding and my arms and legs way too much to lift and my face is half in the mud but half turned up and i can see air and watching me on the ground and i see his noise and viola in it and i see him see my knife shining red in the mud and he picks it up and i try to crawl away but the weight of my body sticks me to the spot and i can only watch as he stands over me i have no further use for you boy he says and he raises the knife over his head and the last thing i see is him bringing it down with the full force of his arm part 5 26 the end of all things fallen no falling no please help me fallen the knife the knife spackle spacks are dead all spacks dead viola sorry please sorry he's got a spear falling please please aaron behind you he's coming no further use for you boy viola fallen viola eid spackle the screaming and the blood and no watch me watch me no please watch me he would have killed us ben please i'm sorry aaron run e-a-d-e more of them we have to get out of here falling falling dark blood the knife dead run i'm a killer please no spackle viola viola lila viola i try to scream but it's blackness it's blackness with no sound blackness and i've fallen and i have no voice viola i try again and there's water in my lungs and an ache in my gut and pain pain in my aaron i whisper to myself and no one run it's aaron and then i fall again and it's blackness todd todd man she todd i can feel a dog's tongue on my face which means i can feel my face which means i can tell where it is and with a rush of air clanging into me i open my eyes manchester right by my head shifting from foot to foot licking his lips and nose nervously the bandage still over his eye but he's all blurry and it's hard to pud i try to say his name to calm him but all i do is cough and a sharp pain soars through my back i'm still down on my belly in the muck where i fell when aaron aaron when aaron hit me in the head with his staff i try to raise my head and a blinding ache stretches over the right side of my skull all the way down to my jaw and i have to lie there gritting my teeth for a minute just letting it hurt and blaze before i can even try speaking again god man she whimpers i'm here manche i finally mutter but it comes up out of my chest like a growl held back by goo and it sets off more coffin which i have to cut short because the sharp pain in my back my back i stifle another cough and a horror feeling spreads out from my gut into the rest of me the last thing i saw before no oh no i cough a little in my throat trying not to move any muscle at all failing at it and surviving the pain till it ebbs as far as it's gonna and then i work on making my mouth move without killing me is there a knife in me man she i rasp knife todd he barks and there's worry all over him back todd he comes forward to lick my face again the dog way of trying to make it better all i do is breathe and not move for a minute i close my eyes and pull air inside despite how my lungs are complaining and already seem full i am todd hewitt i think which is a mistake because here comes all of it back falling on me dragging me down and the spackle's blood and violence face frightened of me and aaron coming out of the woods and taking her i start to weep but the pain from the grip of the weep is so bad that for a minute i feel paralyzed and a fire burns through my arms and back and there's nothing to do but suffer till it goes slowly slowly slowly i start to uncurl one arm from beneath me my head and back hurts so bad i think i pass out for a minute but i wake again and slowly slowly slowly reach my hand up and behind me crawling my fingers up my wet filthy shirt and up the wet filthy rucksack which unbelievably i'm still wearing and up and back till there it is under my fingertips the handle of the knife sticking out of my back but i'd be dead i'd be dead am i dead not dead todd man she barks zack zack the knife is sticking in me high up twix my shoulder blades the pain is telling me all about it very specifically but the knife's gone through the rucksack first something in the rucksack stopped the knife from going all the way in the book mama's book i feel with my fingers again slowly as i can but yes aaron raised his arm and brought it down through the book in the rucksack and it stopped it from going all the way through my body like it did through the spackle i close my eyes again and try to take as deep a breath as possible which ain't too deep and then i hold it till i can get my fingers around the knife and then i have to breathe and wait till the pain passes and then try to pull but it's the heaviest thing in the world and i have to wait and breathe and try again and i pull and the pain in my back increases like a gun firing and i scream out uncontrollably as i feel the knife coming out of my back i gasp and pant for a minute and try to stop from weeping again all the while holding the knife away from me still stuck through the book and the rucksack man she licks my face once more good boy i say though i don't know why it takes what feels like a lifetime to get the rucksack straps off my arms and finally be able to cast the knife and the whole mess aside even then i can't come near standing up and i must pass out again cause manchester licking my face and i'm having to open my eyes and cough in my breath all over again as i lay there still in the muck i wish to myself more than anything in the whole world that aaron's knife had gone through me that i was as dead as the spackle that i could finish falling down that pit down down down to there's only blackness down into the nowhere where there's no more todd to blame or screw things up or fail ben or fail viola and i could fall away forever into nothingness and never have to worry no more but here's manche licking away get off i reach up an arm to push him away aaron could have killed me could have killed me so easy the knife through my neck the knife in my eye the knife across my throat i was his for the killing and he didn't kill me he must have known what he was doing he mustered was he leaving me for the mayor to find but why was he so far ahead of the army how could he have come all this way without a horse like mr prentice jr how long had he been following us how long before he stepped out of the bushes and took viola away i let out a little moan that's why he left me alive so i could live knowing that he took viola that's how he wins ain't it that's how he makes me suffer living and having the side of him taking her forever and my noise a new kind of energy runs through me and i make myself sit up ignoring the pain and bringing myself forward and breathing till i can think about standing the rattle in my lungs and the pain in my back make me cough more but i grit my teeth and get through it as i have to find her bila manche box viola i say and i grip my teeth even harder and try to get to my feet but it's too much the pain takes my legs from me and i topple back in the mud and i just lay there pulled tight from it all and struggling to breathe and my mind goes all woozy and hot and in my nose i'm running and i'm running and i'm running toward nothing and i'm hot all over and i'm sweating and i'm running in my noise and i can hear ben from behind the trees and i'm running toward him and he's singing the song he's singing the song from my bedtimes this song is for boys and not men but when i hear it my heart stretches and it's early one morning just as the sun was rising i come back to myself the song comes with me cause the song goes early one morning just as the sun was rising i heard a maiden call from the valley below oh don't deceive me oh never leave me i open my eyes don't deceive me never leave me i have to find her i have to find her i look up the sun is in the sky but i have no idea how much time has passed since aaron took viola that was just before dawn it's cloudy but bright now and so it could be late morning or early afternoon it might not even be the same day i thought i'd try to push away i close my eyes and i try to listen the rain stopped so there's none of that clatter but the only noise i can hear belongs to me and to manche and the distant wordless chatter of woodland creatures getting on with their lives that ain't got nothing to do with mine no sound of aaron no space of silence for viola i open my eyes and i see her bag dropped in the struggle with aaron of no use or interest to him and just left on the ground like it don't belong to no one like it don't matter that it's violence that bag so full of stupid and useful things my chest clenches and i cough painfully i can't seem to stand so i crawled forward gasping at the pain in my back and head but still crawling man she barking worried god god all the time and it takes forever it takes too f and long but i get to the bag and i have to lean hunched with a pain for a minute before i can do anything with it when i can breathe again i open it and fish around till i find the box with the bandages there's only one left but it'll have to do then i start on the process of taking off my shirt which requires more stopping more breathing inch by inch but finally it's off my burning back and over my burning head and i can see blood and mud everywhere on it i find the scalpel in her medi-pack and cut the bandage in two i put one part on my head holding it till it sticks and reach around slowly and put the other on my back for a minute it hurts even more as the bandage material the human cell whatever the hell she talked about crawls into the wounds and makes a bind i clench my teeth through it but then the medicine starts to work and a flush of cool flows into my bloodstream i wait for it to work enough till i can stand up i'm wobbly when i first get to my feet but i can manage to just stand for a minute after another i can take a step and then another but where do i go i have no idea where he took her i have no idea how much time has passed he could already be all the way back to the army by now milo manche barks whimpering i don't know fella i say let me think even with the bandages doing their thing i can't stand up straight all the way but i do my best and look around the spackle's body is on the edge of my vision but i turn myself so i can't see it oh don't deceive me oh never leave me i sigh and i know what i have to do for the way but i do my best and look around the spackle's body is on the edge of my vision but i turn myself so i can't see it oh don't deceive me oh never leave me i sigh and i know what i have to do there ain't nothing for it i say to manche we have to go back to the army todd he whines there ain't nothing for it i say again and i put everything out of my head but moving first things first i need a new shirt i keep the spackle to my back and turn to the rucksack the knife is still through the cloth of the rucksack and the book inside i don't really want to touch it and even in my haze i don't want to see what's become of the book but i have to get the knife out so i brace the sack with my foot and pull hard it takes a few tugs but it comes out and i drop it to the ground i look at it on the wet moss there's blood all over it still spackled blood mostly but my blood brighter red at the tip i wonder if that means that spackle blood got into my blood when aaron stabbed me i wonder if there are extra special viruses you can catch directly from spackle but there's no time for further wondering i open the rucksack and take out the book there's a knife shaped hole all the way through and out the other side the knife is so sharp and aaron must be so strong that it's hardly ruined the book at all the pages have a slit running through them all the way through the book my blood and spackle blood stain in the edges just a little but it's still readable i could still read it still have it read if i ever deserve to i push that thought away too and take out a clean shirt i cough as i do and even with the bandages it hurts so i have to wait till i stop my lungs feel filled with water like i'm carrying a pile of river stones in my chest but i put the shirt on i gather what usable things i can still get from my rucksack some clothes my own meta pack what ain't been ruined by mr prentice jr or the rain and i take them and my mom's book over to viola's bag and put them inside cause there's no way i can carry a rucksack on my back no more and then there's still the asking ain't there where do i go i follow the road back to the army that's where i go i go to the army and somehow i save her even if it's changing my place for hers and for that i can't go unarmed can i no i can't i look at the knife again sitting there on the moss like a thing without properties a thing made of metal as separate from a boy as can be a thing which casts all blame from itself to the boy who uses it i don't want to touch it not at all not never again but i have to go over and i have to clean off the blood as best i can on some wet leaves and i have to sheath it behind me in the belt that's still around my waist i have to do these things there ain't no choice the spackle hovers on the edge of my vision but i do not look at it as i handle the knife come on manche i loop viola's bag as gingerly as i can over one shoulder don't deceive me never leave me time to go we're gonna find her i say i keep the campsite behind me and head off in the direction of the road best to just get on it and walk back toward him as fast as i can i'll hear him coming and can get out of the way and then i guess i'll see if there's any way i can save her which might mean meeting them head on i push my way through a row of bushes when i hear manche bark todd a turn trying to keep from seeing the campsite come on boy todd i said come on now i mean it this way todd he barks and wags his half tail i turn more fully to him what did you say he's pointing his nose in another direction all together from the one i'm going this way he barks he rubs at the bandage over his eye with a paw knocking it off and squinting at me with the injured eye what do you mean this way i ask a feeling in my chest he's nodding his head and pushing his front feet in a direction not only away from the road but in the opposite direction from the army biola he barks turning around in a circle and then facing that way again you can smell her i ask my chest rising he barks a bark of yes you can smell her this way todd not back to the road i say not back to the army talk he barks feeling the rise in my noise and getting excited himself you're sure i say you gotta be sure manche you gotta be this way and off he runs through the bushes and off on a track parallel to the river away from the army and toward haven who knows why and who cares because in the moment i'm running after him as best as my injuries will let me in the moment i see him bounding away in a head i think to myself good dog ready good dog 27. on we go this way todd manchi barks taking us around another outcropping ever since we left the spackle campsite the terrain's been getting more and more rugged the woods have been rising up into hills for an hour or two now and we're rushing up them and down them and up them again and sometimes it's more like hiking than running when we get up to the top of one i see more and more rolling away in front of me hills under trees a few so steep you have to go around rather than over the road in the river twist through them on snaky pads off to my right and sometimes it's all i can do to keep them inside even with the bandages doing their best to hold me together every step i take jars my back and my head and every once in a while i can't help but stop and sometimes throw up my empty stomach but on we go faster i think to myself go faster todd hewitt they've got at least half a day's march on us maybe even a day and a half and i don't know where they're going or what aaron plans on doing when he gets there and so on we go you sure i keep asking manche this way he keeps barking the thing that makes no sense is that we're pretty much on the path that viola and i would have taken anyway following the river keeping back from the road and heading east toward haven i don't know why aaron's going there i don't know why he'd head away from the army but that's where manchester in their scent and so that's the way we go we keep on through the middle of the day up hills down hills and onward through trees that turned from the broadleaf trees on the plains to more needly kinds taller and more arrow-like the trees even smell different sending a sharp tang in the air i can taste on my tongue manche and i hop over all manner of streams and creeks that feed the river and i stop now and then to refill the water bottles and on we go i try not to think at all i try to keep my mind pointed ahead pointed toward viola and finding her i try not to think about how she looked after i killed the spackle i try not to think about how afraid she was of me or how she backed away like i might hurt her i try not to think about how scared she must have been when aaron came after her and i was no use and i tried not to think about the spackles noise and the fear that was in it or how surprised he must have been being killed for nothing more than being a fisherman or how the crunch felt up my arm when the knife went in him or how dark red his blood was flowing out onto me or the bafflement pouring out of him and into my noise as he died as he died as he died as he i don't think about it on we go on we go afternoon passes into early evening the forest and the hills seem never-ending and there comes another problem food todd there ain't none left i say dirt given way under my feet as we make our way down a slope i don't got nothing for myself neither food i don't know how long it is since i ate last don't know how long since i really slept for that matter since passing out ain't sleeping and i've lost track of how many days till i become a man but i can tell you it's never felt farther away squirrel manchy suddenly barks and tears around the trunk of a needly tree and into a mess of ferns beyond i didn't even see the squirrel but i can hear really dog and squirrel and whirly whirler whirly and then it stops short manche jumps out with a waxy squirrel drooping in his mouth bigger and browner than the ones from the swamp he drops it on the ground in front of me a grisly bloody plop and i ain't so hungry no more boot he barks that's alright boy i look anywhere but the mess you can have it i'm sweating more than normal and i take big drinks of water as manchy finishes his meal little gnats cloud around us in near invisible swarms and i keep having to bat him away i cough again ignoring the pain in my back the pain in my head and when he's done and ready to go i wobble just a little but on we go again keep moving todd hewitt keep going i don't dare sleep aaron may not so i can't on and on the clouds passing sometimes without me noticing the moons rising stars peeping i come down to the bottom of a low hill and scare my way through a whole herd of what looked like deer but their horns are all different than the deer i know from prentice town and anyway they're all flying through the trees away from me and a barking manche before i hardly register they're even there on we go still through midnight 24 days left 23 we've come the whole day without hearing no more sounds of noise or other settlements not that i could see anyway even when i was close enough to see brief snatches of the river and the road but as we reach the top of another wooded hill and the moons are directly overhead i finally hear the noise of men clear as a crash we stop crouching down even though it's night i look out from our hilltop the moons are high and i can see two long huts in two separate clearings on hillsides across the way from one i can hear the murmuring ruckus of sleeping men's noise julia and on horseback and tell him it ain't so and up the river past morning and lots of things that make no sense because dreaming noise is the weirdest of all from the other hut there's silence the aching silence of women i can feel it even from here men in one hut women in another which i guess is one way of solving the problem of sleeping and the touch of the silence from the women's side makes me think of viola and i have to keep my balance against the tree trunk for a minute but where there's people there's food can you find your way back to the trail if we leave it i whisper to my dog stifling a cough fine trail manchy bark seriously you're sure todd smell he barks manchester keep quiet as we go then we start creeping our way down the hill moving softly as we can through the trees and brush till we get to the bottom of a little dale with the huts above us sleeping on hillsides i can hear my own noise spreading out into the world hot and fussy like the sweat that keeps pouring down my sides and i try to keep it quiet and gray and flat like tam did tam who controlled his noise better than any man in prentiss town and there's your proof rent is time i hear from the man's hut almost immediately we stop dead my shoulders slump it's still dream noise i'm hearing but the word repeats through the sleeping man like echoes down a valley apprentice town and princess town and princess town like they don't know what the word means yet but they will when they awake idiot let's go i say turning and scurrying back the way we came back to our trail food manche barks come on and so still no food for me but on we go through the night rushing the best we can faster todd get your damn self moving on we go on we go up hills grabbing on the plants sometimes to pull myself up and downhills holding onto rocks to keep my balance now and then the scent keeping well clear of anywhere easy it might be to walk like the flatter parts down by the road or riverbank and i'm coughing and sometimes stumbling and as the sun starts to show itself there comes a time when i can't when i just can't when my legs crumple beneath me and i have to sit down i just have to i'm sorry my back is aching and my head is aching and i'm sweating so stinking much and i'm so hungry and i just have to sit down at the base of a tree just for a minute i just have to and i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry todd man she mumbles coming up to me i'm fine boy hot dog he says meaning me i cough my lungs rattling like rocks falling down a hill get up todd hewitt get off your goddamn butt and get going my mind drifts i can't help it i try to hold on to viola but there my mind goes and i'm little and i'm sick in bed and i'm real sick and ben's staying in my room with me because the fever is making me see things horrible things shimmering walls people who ain't there been growing fangs and extra arms all kinds of stuff and i'm screaming and pulling away but ben is there with me and he's singing the song and he's giving me cool water and he's taking out tabs of medicine medicine ben giving me medicine i'll come back to myself i lift my head and go through viola's bag taking out her meta pack again it's got all kinds of pills in it too many there's rotten on the little packets but the words make no sense to me and i can't risk taking the tranquilizer that knocked out manche i open my own medi-pack nowhere near as good as hers but there's white tabs in it that i know are at least pain relievers however cruddy and homemade i chew up two and then two more get up you worthless piece of crap i sit and breathe for a while and fight fight fight against falling asleep waiting for the pills to work and as the sun starts to peak up over the top of a far hill i reckon i'm feeling a little better don't know if i actually am but there ain't no choice get up todd hewitt get an f and move on okay i say breathing heavy and rubbing my knees with my hands which way man she on we go the scent carries like it did before a void in the road avoiding any buildings we might see at a distance but always onward always toward haven only aaron knows why mid morning we find another small creek heading down to the river i check for crocs though it's really too small a place and refill the water bottles manche wades in lapping it up snapping unsuccessfully at these little brass colored fish that swim by and nibbling at his fur i sit on my knees and wash some of the sweat from my face the water is cold as a slap and it wakes me up a little i wish i knew if we were even gaining on them i wish i knew how far they were ahead and i wish he'd never found us and i wish he'd never found viola in the first place and i wish ben and killian hadn't lied to me and i wish ben was here right now and i wish i was back in princeton i rest back on my heels looking up into the sun no no i don't i don't wish i was back in prettiest town not no more i don't and if aaron hadn't found her then i might not have found her and that's no good neither come on manche i say turn around to pick up the bag again which is when i see the turtle sun itself on a rock i freeze i never seen this kind of turtle before its shell is craggy and sharp with a dark red streak going down either side the turtles got its shell all the way open to catch as much warmth as possible its soft back fully exposed you can eat a turtle it's noise ain't nothing but a long sound exhaling under sunlight they don't seem too concerned about us probably thinking it can snap its shell shut and dive under water faster than we could get to it and even if we did get to it we wouldn't be able to get the shell back open to eat it unless you had a knife to kill it with turtle man she barks seeing it he keeps back because the swamp turtles we know have more than enough snap to get after a dog the turtle just sits there not taking us seriously i reach behind my back for the knife i'm halfway there when i feel the pain twixt my shoulder blades i stop i swallow spackle and pain and bafflement i glance down into the water seeing myself my hair a bird's nest bandage across half my head dirtier than an old you one hand reaching for my knife red blood and fear and fear and fear i stop reaching i take my hand away i stand come on manche i say i don't look at the turtle don't even listen for man its noise at it a few more times but i'm already crossing the creek and on we go on we go on we go so i can't hunt and i can't get near settlements and so if i don't find vila and aaron soon i'll starve to death if this coffin don't kill me first great i say to myself and there's nothing to do but keep going as fast as i can not fast enough todd move your effing feet you gonk morning turns to another midday midday turns to another afternoon i take more tabs we keep on going no food no rest just forward forward forward the path is starting to tend downhill again so at least that's a blessing aaron's scent moves closer to the road but i'm feeling so poor i don't even look up when i hear distant noise now and then it ain't his and there's no silence that's hers so why bother afternoon turns into another evening and it's when we're coming down a steep hillside that i fall my legs slip out from under me and i'm not quick enough to catch myself and i fall down and keep falling sliding down the hill bumping into bushes picking up speed feeling a tearing in my back and i reach out to stop myself but my hands are too slow to catch anything and i jutter jutter along the leaves and grass and then i hit a bump and skip up into the air tumbling over under my shoulders pain searing through them and i call out loud and i don't stop falling until i come to a thicket of brambles at the bottom of the hill and ram into them with a thump todd todd todd i hear manches running down after me but all i can do is try and withstand the pain again and the tired again and the gunk in my lungs and the hunger gnawing in my belly and bramble scratches all over me and i think i'd be crying if i had any energy left at all todd man she barks circling around me trying to find a way into the brambles give me a minute i say and push myself up a little then i lean forward and fall right over on my face get up i think get up you piece of filth get up hungry todd man she says meaning me that's hungry eat eat todd i push with hands on the ground coughing as i come up spitting up handfuls of gunk from my lungs i get to my knees at least futon i know i say i know i feel so dizzy i have to put my head back down on the ground just give me a sec i say whispering it into the leaves on the ground just a quick sec and i fall again into blackness i don't know how long i'm out but i wake to manches barking people he's barking people todd todd people i open my eyes what people i say this way he barks people food todd food i take shallow breaths coughing all the way my body weighing 90 million pounds and i push my way out the other side of the bramble i look up and over i'm in a ditch right by the road i can see carts up ahead on the left a whole string of them pulled by oxen and horses disappearing round a bend help i say but my voice comes out like a gasp with not near enough volume get up help i call again but it's only to myself get up it's over i can't stand no more i can't move no more it's over get up but it's over the last car disappears around the bend and it's over give up i put my head down right down on the roadside grit and pebbles digging into my cheek a shiver shakes me and i roll to my side and pull myself to myself curling my legs to my chest and i closed my eyes and i failed and i failed and please won't the darkness just take me please please please matt you man i open my eyes it's wealth 28 the smell of roots got man he asks putting a hand under my armpit to help me up but even with that i can't barely stand or even raise my head much and so i feel his upper hand under my other armpit that don't work neither so he goes even farther than that and lifts me over his shoulder i stare down at the back of his legs as he carries me to his cart who is it will i hear a woman's voice ask span wilf says look import next thing i know he sent me down in the back of his cart it's piled ragtag with parcels and boxes covered in leather skins bits of furniture and large baskets all tumbled together almost overflowing with itself it's too late i say it's over the woman's walked over the back of the cart from the seat and hops down to face me she's broad with a worn dress and fly away hair and lines at the corners of her eyes and her voice is quick like a mouse what's our youngin she's gone i feel my chin crumpling and my throat pulling i lost her i feel a cool hand on my forehead and it feels so good i press into it she takes it away and says fever to wealth yep wilf says best megapoltis the woman says and i think she heads off into the ditch but that don't make no sense where else held it man wilf says trying to get his eyes to meet mine mine is so watery it's hard to even see him her name ain't hildy i say i know wilf says but ask what you call her she's gone i say my eyes filling my head falls forward again i feel wilf put a hand on my shoulder and he squeezes it god i hear manche bark unsure a ways off the road i ain't called ben i say to will still not looking up i know will says again but that's what we're calling you look up to him his face and his noise are as blank as i remember but the lesson of forever and ever is that knowing a man's mind ain't knowing the man wilf don't say nothing more and goes back to the front of the cart the woman comes back with a seriously foul smelling rag in her hands it stinks of roots and mud and ugly herbs but i'm so tired i let her tie around my forehead right over the bandage that's still stuck on the side of my head at your work on a fever she says hopping back up we both lurch forward a little bit as wolf snaps the reins on his oxen the woman's eyes are wide open looking into mine like searching for exciting news you running from the army too her quiet next to me reminds me so much of viola it's all i can do not to just lean against her kinda i say use what told wealth about it huh she says using a girl told willf about the army told him to tell people tell people they had to get away didn't you i look up at her smelly brown root water dripping down my face and i turned back to look at wilf up there driving his cart he hears me looking there listen to wealth he says i look up and pass him to the road ahead as we go around the bend i can hear not only the rush of the river to my right again like an old friend an old foe i can also see a line of carts stretching on up ahead of us on the road at least as far as the next bend carts packed with belongings just like wilf's and all kinds of people straggled along the tops holding on to anything that won't knock them off it's a caravan wealth has taken the rear of a long caravan men and women and i think even children too if i can see clearly through the stink of the thing tied around my head their noise and silence floating up and back like a great clattery thing all its own army i hear a lot army and army and army and cursed town brockley falls i ask bar vista too the woman says nodding her head fast and others rumors been flying up the river and road army from cursed town coming and coming growing as it comes with men picking up arms to join in growing as it comes i think thousand strong they say says the woman wilf makes a scoffing noise ain't no thousand people between here and cursed town the woman twists her lips i'm only saying what people are saying i look back at the empty road behind us manche panting along a little distance away and i remember ivan the man in the barn at far branch who told me that not everyone felt the same about history that prince that my town had allies still maybe not thousands but still maybe growing getting bigger and bigger as it marches on till it's so big how can anyone stand against it we're going to haven the woman says they'll protect us there haven i mumbled to myself see they ain't got a cure for noise in them their parts the woman says now there's a thing i like to see she laughs out loud at herself or here i guess she slaps her thigh they got spackled there i asked the woman turns to me surprised spiker don't come near people she says not no more not since the wall these keeps to their cells and wheeze keeps the r sails and such is the piece kept it sounds like she's reciting the last part taint harley none left anyway i gotta go i put my hands down and try to lift myself up i gotta find her all that happens is that i lose my balance and fall off the end of the cart the woman calls to wilf to stop and they both lift me back up on it the woman getting manche up top too she clears a few boxes away to lay me down and wilf gets the card going again he snaps the oxen a bit harder this time and i can feel us moving along faster faster than i could walk at least e the woman says holding up some bread to my face you can't go nowhere until you eat i take the bread from her and eat a bite then tear into the rest so hungrily i forget to give some to manche the woman just takes out some more and gives some to both of us watching wide eyed at every move i make thanks i say i'm jane she says her eyes are still way open like she's just bursting to say stuff did you see the army she asked with your own eyes i did i say in far branch she sucks in her breath so it's true not an asking just saying it told you it were true wilf says from upfront i hear they're cutting off people's heads and boiling their eyes gene says jane will snaps i'm just saying they're killing folk i say low killing's enough jane's eyes died all over my face and noise but all she says after a bit is we have told me all about you and i can't figure out at all what her smile means a drip from the rag makes it to my mouth and i gag and spit and cough some more what is this i say pressing the rag with my fingers and winston from the smell potus jane says but fifa's an egg you it stinks evil smell draws out evil fever she says as if telling me a lesson everybody knows evil i say fever ain't evil it's fever yeah and this poultice treats fever i stare at her her eyes never leave me and the wide open part of them is starting to make me uncomfortable it's how aaron looks when he's pinning you down how he looks when he's imparting a sermon with his fists when he's preaching you into a hole you might never come out of it's a mad look i realize i try to check the thought but jane don't give no sign she heard i gotta go i say again thank you kindly for the food and the poultry but i gotta go you can't go off in these woods here no sorry she says still staring still not blinking them dangerous woods damn is what do you mean dangerous i pushed myself away from her a little settlement's up the way she says her eyes even wider and a smile now like she can't wait to tell me crazy as anything no i sent him wild here teller one where everyone wears masks so no one can see their faces there's another where no one don't do nothing but sing all day long they've gone so crazy and one where everyone's walls are made of glass and no one wears no clothes because no one's got secrets and noise do they she's closer to me now i can smell her breath which is worse than the rag and i can feel the silence behind all these words how can that be so how can silence contain so much racket people can keep secrets and noise i say people can keep all kinds of secrets leave a bar alone wilf says from his seat jane's face go slack sorry she says a little grudgingly i raise up a little feeling the benefit of food in my belly whatever the stinking rag may or may not be doing we've pulled closer to the rest of the caravan close enough for me to see the backs of a few heads and hear more closely the noise of men chattering up and down and the silence of women twixt them like stones in a creek every now and then one of them usually a man glances back at us and i feel like they're seeking me out seeing what i'm made of i need to find her i say your girl jane asks yeah i say thank you but i need to go but your fever and other settlements i'll take my chances i untie the dirty rag come on manche you can't go jane says eyes wider than ever worry on her face the army i'll worry about the army i'll pull myself up ready in to jump down off the cart i'm still pretty unsteady so i have to take a cloudy breath or two before i do anything but they'll get you jane says her voice rising you're from princetown i look up sharp jane slaps a hand over her mouth what wilf yells turning his head round from the front of the cart i didn't mean it she whispers to me but it's too late already the word is bouncing up and down the caravan in a way that's become too familiar not just the word but what pins it to me what everyone knows or thinks they know about me already faces turning round to look deeper at the last cart in the caravan oxen and horses drawn to a stop as people turn more fully to examine us faces and noise aimed right back down the road at us who you got back there wilf a man's voice says from just one caught up feverish bar will shouts back crazy with sickness don't know what he's saying you entirely sure about that yes sir will says sick boy bring him out a woman's voice calls let's see him what if he's a spy another woman's voice calls rising in pitch leading the army right to us we don't want no spies cries a different man he's been wolf says he's from far branch got nightmares accursed town all men killing what he loved i vouch for him no one shouts nothing for a minute but the noise of the man buzzes in the air like a swarm everyone's face is still on us i try to make my own look more feverish and put the invasion of far branch first and foremost it ain't hard and it makes my heart sick and there's a long moment where nobody says nothing and it's as loud as a screaming crowd and then it's enough slowly but surely the oxen and horses start moving forward again pulling away from us people still looking back but at least getting farther away wilf snaps the reins on his oxen but keeps them slower than the rest letting a distance open between us and everyone else i'm sorry jane says again breathless wolf told me not to say he told me but that's okay i say just wanted her to stop talking already i'm so so sorry there's a lurch and will stop the cart he waits till the caravan's off a good distance then hops down and comes back no one listens to wealth he says maybe with a small smile but when they do they believe him i need to go i say yep he says they ain't safe i'm sorry jane keeps saying i jump off the cart manche following me wilf reaches for viola's bag and holds it open he looks at jane who understands him she takes an arm full of fruits and breads and puts them in the bag then another arm full of dried meats thanks i say hope you fine wilf says as i close the bag i hope so too with a nod wilf goes and re-seats himself on the cart and snaps the reins on his oxen be careful jane calls after me in the loudest whisper you ever heard watch out for the crazies i stand for a minute and watch him pull away coughing still feverish still but feeling better for the food if not the smell of roots and i'm hoping manche can find the trail again and i'm also wondering just exactly what kind of welcome i'm gonna get if i ever do get to haven 29 aaron in a thousand ways it takes a little while a horrible little while for manche to find the scent again once we're back in the woods but then he barks this way and we're off again he's a good ruddy dog have i said that night's fully fallen by now and i'm still sweating and i'm still coughing enough to win a contest and my feet ain't made of nothing but blisters and my head's still buzzy with feverish noise but i've got food in my belly and more in the bag to see me through a couple of days and so all that matters is still ahead of us can you smell a manche i ask as we balance on a log across the stream is she still alive smell boiler he barks jumping off the other side viola fear which hits me a little and i quicken my step another midnight 22 days 21 and my flashlight battery gives out i take out violence but it's the last we got more hills and steeper too as we go on through the night harder to climb up dangerous to climb down but we go and go and go manchy's sniffing away eating wilf's dried meat as we stumble forward me coughing away taking the sharpest rest possible usually bent double against trees and the sun starts coming up over a hill so it's like we're walking up into the sunrise and it's when light hits us full that i see the world start to shimmer i stop hanging onto a fern to keep my balance against the steepness of the hill everything's woozy for a second and i close my eyes but it don't help as there's just a wash of colors and sparkles behind my eyelids and my body is jelly-like and waving in the breeze that i can feel coming off the hilltop and when it passes it don't really pass all together the world keeps its weird brightness like i've woke up in a dream todd manchi box worry there no doubt from seeing who knows what in my noise the fever i say coughing again i shouldn't have thrown away that filthy rag ain't nothing for it i take the last of the pain tabs from my medi-pack and we gotta keep going we get to the top of the hill and for a minute all the other hills in front of us and the river and the road down below rumble up and down like that on a blanket someone's shaking and i do my best to blink it away till it calms down enough for me to keep walking manchy whines by my feet i nearly tip over when i try to scratch him so instead i focus on getting down the hill without falling i think again of the knife at my back of the blood that was on it when it went into my body and my blood mixed with the spackles and who knows what now spinning around my inside since aaron stabbed me i wonder if he knew i say to manche to myself to no one as we get to the bottom of the hill and i lean against the tree to make the world stop moving i wonder if he killed me slow course i did aaron says leaning out from behind the tree i yell out and fall back away from him flinging my arms in front of me trying to slap him away and i hit the ground on my butt and start scampering back before i look up and he's gone manches got his head cocked at me done aaron i say my heart thundering by breath catching and turning into meteor and media coughs manche sniffs the air again sniffs the ground around him trailed this way he barks shifting from foot to foot i look around me coughing away the world spotty and wavy no sign of him no noise other than mine no silence of viola i closed my eyes again i am todd hewitt i think against the swirling i am todd hewitt keeping my eyes shut i feel for the water bottle and take a swig and tear a piece of wilf's bread and chew it down only then do i open my eyes again nothing nothing but woods and another hill to climb and sunlight that shimmers the morning passes and at the bottom of yet another hill there's yet another creek i refill the water bottles and take a few drinks from the cold water with my hands i feel bad ain't no two ways about it my skin's tingling and sometimes i'm shivering and sometimes i'm sweating and sometimes my head weighs a million pounds i lean into the creek and splash myself with a cold i sit up and aaron is reflected in the water killer he says a smile across his torn up face i jump back scrambling away from my knife and feeling the pain shoot through my shoulders again but when i look up he ain't there and manches made no sign of stopping his fish chasing i'm coming to find you i say to the air air that started to move more and more with the wind manches head pops up from the water god i'll find you if it's the last thing i do killer i hear again whispered along the wind i lay for a second breathing heavy coughing but keeping my eyes peeled i go back to the creek and i splash so much cold water on myself it makes my chest hurt i pick myself up and we carry on the cold water does the trick for a little while and we manage a few more hills as the sun gets to midday in the sky with minimal shimmer when things do start to wobble again i stop us and we eat killer i hear from the bushes around us and then again from another part of the forest killer and again from somewhere else killer don't look up just eat my food it's just the spackled blood i tell myself just the fever and the sickness and that's all is that all aaron says from across the clearing if that's all i am why are you chasing me so bad he's wearing his sunday robes and his face is all healed up like he's back in princeton his hands clasped in front of him like he's ready to lead us in prayer and he's glowing in the sun and he's smiling down at me the smiling fist i remember so well the noise bonds us all young todd he says his voice slithering and shiny like a snake if one of us falls we all fall you ain't here i say clenching my teeth here todd manchebox ain't i aaron says and disappears in a shimmer my brain knows this aaron ain't real but my heart don't care and it's beating in my chest like a race it's hard to catch my breath and i waste more time waiting just to be able to stand up and move on into the afternoon the food's helping god bless wilf and his crazy wife but sometimes we can't go much faster than a stumble i start to see aaron out of the corner of my eye pretty much all the time hiding behind trees leaning against rocks standing on top of woodfall but i just turn my head away and keep stumbling and then from a hilltop i see the road cross the river again down below the landscape's moving in a way that turns my stomach but i can definitely see a bridge down there taking the road to the other side so there's nothing now twix me and the river i wonder for a minute about that other fork we never took back in far branch i wonder where that road is in the middle of all this wilderness i look from the hilltop to my left but there's just woods as far as i can see and more hills that move like hills shouldn't i have to close my eyes for a minute we make our way down too slow too slow the scent taking us close to the road and toward the bridge a high rickety one with rails waters gathered where the road turns into it filling it with puddles and muck did he cross the river man she i put my hands on my knees to catch my breath and cough manchester ground like a maniac crossing the road re-crossing it going to the bridge and back to where we stand will smell he barks cart smell i can see the tracks i say rubbing my face with my hands what about viola man she barks this way he heads away from the road keeping to this side of the river and following it good dog i say twixt raggedy breaths good dog i follow him through branches and bushes the river rushing closer to my right than it's been in days and i step right into a settlement i stand up straight and cough in surprise it's been destroyed the buildings eight or ten of them are charcoal and ash and there ain't a whisper of noise nowhere for a second i think the army's been here but then i see plants growing up in the burned out buildings and no smoke rising from any fire and the wind just blows through it like only the dead live here i look round and there's a few decrepit docks on the river just down from the bridge a lonely old boat knocking against one in the current and a few more half sunk boats piled halfway up the riverbank along what may have been a mill before it became a pile of burned wood it's cold and it's long dead and here's another place on new world that never made it to subdivided farming and i turn back round and in the center of it stands aaron his face is back to how it was when the croc tore it open peeled half away his tongue lolling out the side of the gash in his cheek and he's still smiling join us young todd he says the church is always open i'll kill you i say the wind's stealing my words but i know he can hear me because i can hear every last thing he's saying you won't he says stepping forward his fists clenched by his sides cause i says you ain't a real killer todd hewitt try me i say my voice sounding strange and metallic he smiles again his teeth poking out the side of his face and in a wash of shimmer he's right in front of me he puts his cut up hands to the opening of his robe and pulls it apart enough to show his bare chest here's your chance todd hewitt to eat from the tree of knowledge his voice is deep in my head kill me the wind's making me shiver but i feel hot and sweaty at the same time and i can't get no more than a third of a breath down my lungs and my head is starting to ache in a way that food ain't helping and whenever i look anywhere fast everything i see has to slide into place to catch up i clench my teeth i'm probably dying but he's going first i reach behind me ignoring the pain twix my shoulders and i grab the knife out of the sheath i hold it in front of me it's shiny with fresh blood and glinting in the sunlight even though i'm standing in shadow aaron pulls his smile wider than his face can really go and he pushes his chest out to me i raise the knife dog man she barks knife todd go ahead todd aaron says and i swear i smell the dankness of him cross over from innocence to sin if you can i've done it i say i've already killed killing a spackle ain't killing a man he says grinning away at how stupid i am spackles are devils put here to test us killing ones like killing a turtle he widens his eyes except you can't do that neither now can you i gripped the knife hard and i make a snarling sound and the world wavers but the knife still ain't falling there's a bubbling sound and gooey blood pours out of the gash in aaron's face and i realize he's laughing it took a long long time for her to die he whispers and i call out from the pain and i raise the knife higher and i aim it at his heart and he's still smiling and i bring the knife down and stab it right into viola's chest no i say in the second that it's too late she looks up from the knife and right at me her face is filled with pain and confused noise spills from her just like the spackle that i that i killed and she looks at me with tears in her eyes and she opens her mouth and she says kill her and as i reach out for her she's gone in a shimmer and the knife clean of all blood is still in my hand i fall onto my knees and then pitch forward and lie on the ground in the burned out settlement breathing and coughing and weeping and wailing as the world melts around me so bad i don't feel like it's even solid no more i can't kill him i want to i want to so bad but i can't because it ain't me because i lose her i can't i can't i can't i can't i give in to the shimmering and i disappear for a while it's good old manche the friend who's proved truest who wakes me up with licks to my face and a worried murmured word coming through his nose and his wines aaron he's yelping quite intense aaron buzz off manche aaron he whimpers licking away he ain't really there i say trying to sit up it's just something it's just something manche can't see where is he i say getting up too fast causing everything to swirl bright pink and orange i reel back from what's waiting for me there are a hundred aarons at a hundred different places all standing around me there are vile is too frightened and looking to me for help and spackles with my knife sticking out of their chest and they're all talking at once all talking to me in a roar of voices coward they're saying all of them coward over and over again [Music] howard cowan power power powered powered couch but i wouldn't be a princess town boy if i couldn't ignore noise howard where manche i say getting to my feet trying not to see how everything's pitching and sliding howard this way he barks he leads me past what must have been the church and i don't look at it as we go by and he runs up a small bluff and the wind's getting howlier and the trees are bending and i think it's not just how i'm seeing them and manche has to bark louder to let me know he barks sticking his nose in the air upwind through the trees on the little bluff i can see down river i can see a thousand violas looking frightened of me i can see a thousand spackle with my knife killing him i can see a thousand aarons looking back at me and calling me coward with the worst smile you ever seen and beyond them in a camp by the side of the river i see an aaron who ain't looking back at me at all i see an air and kneeling down in prayer coward and i see viola on the ground in front of him manchester united coward aaron i say coward thirty a boy called todd what are we gonna do says the boy creeping up to my shoulder i stumbled back down from the bluff elbowing my way through crowds all calling me coward and i get to the riverbank and i plunge my head straight in i raise my head from the cold river water and let it splash down my back now the cold is making me shake violently but it's also calming the world down i know it won't last i know the fever and the spak blood infection will win in the end but for now i'm gonna need to see as clearly as possible how are we gonna get to them the boy asks moving around to my other side he'll hear our noise the shivering makes me cough everything makes me cough and i spit out handfuls of green goo from my lungs but then i hold my breath and plunge in my head again the cold of the water feels like a vice but i hold it there hearing the bubbling of the water rushing by and the wordless barks of a worried manche hopping around my feet i can feel the bandage on my head detach and wash away in the current i think a manche wriggling the bandage off his tail in different part of the river and i forget and i laugh underwater i lift my head up choking and gasping and coughing more i open my eyes the world shines like it shouldn't and there are all kinds of stars out even though the sun is still up but at least the ground has stopped floating and all the excess errands and violas and spackles are gone can we really do it alone ask the boy ain't no choice i say to myself and i turn to look at him he's got a brown shirt like mine no scars on his head a book in one hand and a knife in the other i'm shaking from the cold still and it's all i can do to stand but i breathe and cough and shake and look at him come on manche i say and i head back across the burned out settlement back to the bluff just walking is tough like the ground could cave away at any minute cause i weigh more than a mountain but less than a feather but i'm walking i'm still walking i'm keeping the bluff in sight i'm reaching it i'm taking the first steps up it i'm taking the next steps i'm grabbing onto branches to pull myself along i'm reaching the top i'm leaning against a tree at the top and i'm looking out is it really him says the boy behind my ear i squint out across the trees tracing the way down the river and there's still a campsite still at the river's edge so far away they're just specs against other specs i still have viola's bag around my shoulders and i reach for her binocs holding them up to my eyes but shaking so much it's hard to get a clear image they're far enough away that the wind's covering up his noise but i'm sure i feel her silence out there i'm sure of it aaron man she says bila so i know it's not a shimmer and in the shakiness i can just about catch him still kneeling praying some prayer and viola laid out on the ground in front of him i don't know what's happening i don't know what he's doing but it's really them all this walking and stumbling and coughing and dying and it's really really them by god it's really them i may not be too late and it's only how my chest rises and my throat grips that makes me realize all along i've thought i was too late but i'm not i lean down again and shut up i cry i cry i'm crying but it has to pass because i have to figure it out i have to figure it out it's down to me there's only me i have to find a way i have to save her i have to save what are we gonna do the boy asks again standing a little ways away books still in one hand knife another i put my palms into my eyes and rub hard trying to think straight trying to concentrate trying not to listen what if this is the sacrifice says the boy i look up what sacrifice the sacrifice you saw in his noise he says the sacrifice of why would he do it here i say why would he come all this way and stop in the middle of a stupid forest and do it here the boy's expression doesn't change maybe he has to he says before she dies i step forward and have to catch my balance dies of what i say my voice snappy my head aching and buzzy again fear says the boy taking a step backwards disappointment i turn away i ain't listening to this listening todd man she barks biola todd this way i lean back again against the tree i've got to think i've got to ruddy think we can't approach i say my voice thick he'll hear us coming you'll kill her if he hears us says the boy i ain't talking to you i cough up more gunk which makes my head spin which makes me cough more talking to my dog i finally choke out manche man she says licking my hand and i can't kill him i say you can't kill him says the boy even if i want to even if he deserves it and so there has to be another way if she's not too scared to see you i look at him again still there still book and knife and rucksack you need to leave i say you need to go away from me and never come back you're probably too late to save her you're of no use to me at all i say raising my voice but i'm a killer he says and the knife has blood on it i close my eyes and grip my teeth you stay behind i say you stay behind menchie manchy barks i open my eyes the boy isn't there not you manchy i say reaching out and rubbing his ears then i regard him man she not you i say again and i'm thinking in the clouds and the swirls and the shimmers and the lights and the ache and the buzz and the shaking and the coughing i'm thinking and i'm thinking i rub the ears of my dog my stupid goddamn ruddy great dog that i never wanted but who hung around anyway and who followed me through the swamp and who bit aaron when he was trying to choke me and who found vilo when she was lost and who's licking my hand with his little pink tongue and whose eyes still mostly squinted shut from when mr prentice jr kicked him and whose tail is way way shorter from when matthew lyle cut it off when my dog my dog went after a man with a machete to save me and who's right there when i need pulling back from the darkness i fall into and who tells me who i am whenever i forget dog he murmurs rubbing his face into my hand and thumping his back leg against the ground i got an idea i say what if it don't work says the boy from behind the tree i ignore him and i pick up the bye knox again shaking still i find aaron's campsite one more time and look at the area around it they're near the river's edge and there's a fork tree just this side of them along the riverbank bleached and leaflets like it may be once got struck by lightning it'll do i put down the binox and take manches head in both hands we're gonna save her i say right to my dog both of us favor todd he barks wagging his little stump it won't work says the boy still out of sight then you should stay behind i say to the air riding through a cough while i send pictures of noise to my dog to tell him what he needs to do it's simple manche run and run run and run he barks good boy i rub his ears again good boy i pull myself to my feet and half stumble half slide my way back down the little bluff into the burned out settlement there's a thump in my head now like i can hear my poison blood pumping and everything in the world throbs with it if i squeeze my eyes nearly shut the swirling lights ain't so bad and everything sort of stays in place the first thing i need is a stick manchy and i tear through the burned out buildings looking for one the right size pretty much everything is black and crumbly but that suits me fine this one thug manchy says using his mouth to pull one about half the length of himself out from under what looks like a burned up pile of stacked chairs what happened in this place perfect i take it from him this won't work the boy says hiding in a dark corner i can see the glint of the knife in one of his hands you won't save her i will i break off some larger splinters from the stick only one end is black and charcoal but that's exactly what i want can you carry this i say to manche holding it out he takes it in his mouth tosses it a little to get it comfortable then it rests just fine yes he barks great i stand up straight and nearly fall over now we need a fire you can't make a fire the boy says already outside waiting for us her fire making box is broken you don't know nothing i say not looking at him ben taught me ben's dead says the boy early one morning i sing loud and clear making the whirly shapes of the world go spangly and weird but i keep on singing just as the sun was rising you're not strong enough to make a fire i heard a maiden call from the valley below i find a long flat piece of wood and use a knife to carve a little hollow in it oh don't deceive me i carve a rounded end on another smaller stick oh never leave me how could you use a poor maiden soul the boy finishes i ignore him i put the rounded end of the stick into the little hollow and start spinning and twixt my hands pressing hard into the wood the rhythm of it matches the thumping in my head and i start to see me in the woods with ben him and me racing to see who could get the first smoke he always won and half the time i could never get any sort of fire at all but there were times there were times come on i say to myself i'm sweating and coughing and woozy but i'm making my hands keep on spinning manches barking at the wood to try to help it along and then a little finger of smoke rises from the hollow ha i cry out i protected from the wind with my hand and blow on it to make it catch i use some dried moss as kindling and when the first little flame shoots out it's as near as i've come to joy since i don't know when i throw some small sticks on it wait for them to catch two then some larger ones and pretty soon there's a real fire burning in front of me a real one i'll leave it to burn for a minute i'm counting on us being downwind to keep the smoke from aaron and i'm counting on that wind for other reasons too i lurch my way toward the riverbank using tree trunks to keep me upright till i make it to the dock come on come on i say under my breath as i steady myself to walk down it it creaks under my feet and once i nearly pitch over into the river but i do finally make it to the boat still tied there it'll sink says the boy standing knee high in the river i hop in the little boat and after a lot of wobbling and coughing i stand up in it it's rickety and narrow and warping but it floats you don't know how to steer a boat i get out and cross the dock and make my way back to the settlement and search around till i find a piece of wood flat enough to use as an ore and that's all i need we're ready the boys standing there holding the things of mine in each hand rucksack on his back no real nothing on his face no noise that i can hear i stare him down he don't say nothing manche i call but he's already at my feet here todd good boy we go to the fire i take the stick he found and put the already burned and into it after a minute the end is red hot and smoky with flames catching on the new wood you sure you can hold this i say he takes the non-burning end into his mouth and there he is best ruddy dog in the universe ready to carry fire to the enemy ready friend i say what he pub he says mouth full tail wagging so fast i see it as a blur he'll kill manche the boy says i stand world spinning and shining my body barely my own my lungs coughing up bits of themselves my head thumping my legs shaking my blood boiling but i stand i ready well stand i am todd hewitt i say to the boy and i am leaving you here you can't never do that he says but i'm already turning to manche and saying go on boy and he takes off back up the bluff and down the other side burning stick in his mouth and i count to a hundred loud so as i can't hear no one say nothing and then i make myself count to a hundred again and that's enough and i lurch as fast as i can back to the dock and the boat and i get myself in and take the ore onto my lap and i use the knife to cut away the last of the raggedy rope tying the little boat in place you can't never leave me behind the boy says standing on the dock book in one hand knife in the other watch me i say and he gets smaller and smaller in the shimmering and fading light as the boat pulls away from the dock and starts making its way downstream toward aaron toward vila toward whatever waits for me down the river 31 the wicked are punished there's boats in prentiss town but no one's used them since i can remember we got the river sure this same one that's sloshing me back and forth but our stretch is rocky and fast and when it does slow down and spread out the only peaceful area is a marsh full of crocs after that it's all wooded swamp so i've never been on a boat and even though it looks like it should be easy to steer one down a river it ain't the one bit of luck i got is that the river here is pretty calm despite some splashing from the wind the boat drifts out into the current and is taken and moves its way down river whether i do anything or not so i can put all my coffin energy into trying to keep the boat from spinning around as it goes it takes a minute or two before i'm successful damn it i say under my breath effin thing but after some splashing with the ore and one or two full spins shut up i'm figuring out how to keep it more or less pointed the right way and when i look up i realize i'm probably already halfway there i swallow and shake and cough this is the plan it's probably not a very good one but it's all that my shimmering flickering brain is going to let me have manche will take the burning stick upwind of aaron and drop it somewhere to catch fire and make aaron think i've lit up my own campsite then manche will run back to aaron's campsite barking up a storm pretending he's trying to tell me he's found aaron this is simple since all he has to do is bark my name which is what he does all the time anyway aaron will chase him aaron will try to kill him manche will be faster run and run manche run and run aaron will see the smoke aaron who fears me not one little bit will go off into the woods toward the smoke to finish me off once and for all i'll float downstream come upon his campsite from the riverside while he's out in the woods looking for me and i'll rescue viola i'll pick up manche there too when he circles back around ahead of a chase and aaron run and run yeah okay that's the plan i know i know but if it don't work then i'll have to kill him and if it comes to that it can't matter what i become and it can't matter what viola thinks it can't it'll have to be done and so i'll have to do it i take out the knife the blade still has dried blood smeared on it here and there my blood spackled blood but the rest of it still shines shimmering and flickering flickering and shimmering the tip of it juts out and up like an ugly thumb and the serrations along one side spring up like gnashing teeth and the blade edge pulses like a vein full of blood the knife is alive as long as i hold it as long as i use it the knife lives lives in order to take life but it has to be commanded it has to have me to tell it to kill and it wants to it wants to plunge and thrust and cut and stab and gouge but i have to want it to as well my will has to join with its will i'm the one who allows it and i'm the one responsible but the knife wanting it makes it easier if it comes to it will i fail no whispers the knife yes whispers the wind down the river a drop of sweat from my forehead splashes on the blade and the knife is just a knife again just a tool just a piece of metal in my hand just a knife i lay it on the floor of the boat i'm shaking again i'm coughing up more goo i look up and around me ignoring the waviness of the world and letting the wind cool me down the river's starting to bend and i keep on floating down it here it comes i think ain't no stopping it i look up and over the trees to my left my teeth are chattering i don't see no smoke yet come on boy it's the next thing that has to happen and no smoke and no smoke and the river's bending more come on manche and no smoke and chatter chatter chatter go my teeth i huddle my arms to myself and smoke the first small puffs of it coming up like cotton balls farther down the river good dog i think holding my teeth together good dog the boat's tending slightly mid-river so i row as best i can to guide it back to the river's edge i'm shaking so bad i can barely hang on to the ore the river's bending more and there's the fork tree the tree struck by lightning coming up on my left the sign that i'm almost there aaron will be just beyond it here it comes i cough and sweat and tremble but i'm not letting go of the ore i row some more closer to the edge if viola can't run for any reason i'm gonna have to beach it to go get her i keep my noise as blank as i can but the world's closing up in folds of light and shimmer so there's no chance of that i'll just have to hope the wind's loud enough and that manche dot dot dot i hear from a distance my dog barking my name to lure aaron away todd the wind's keeping me from hearing aaron's noise so i don't even know if this is working but i'm moving past the fork tree and so there's nothing for it now come on come on the fork tree passing by i crouched down in the boat god getting fainter moving back snappings of branches and then i hear todd hewitt wrought loud as a lion as a lion moving away come on i whisper to myself come on come on come on my clenched fist trembling around the oar and round the band and past the tree and the campsite comes and there she is there she is aaron's gone and there she is lying on the ground in the middle of his campsite not moving my heart ratchets up and i cough without even noticing and i say please please please under my breath and i paddle the board furiously and get the boat closer and closer to the river's edge and i stand and leap out into the water and i fall on my rump but i still catch the front of the boat in my hands and please please please and i get up and i drag the boat far enough up the riverbank and i let go when i run and stumble and run to viola viola vila please i say as i run my chest clenching and coughing and hurting please i get to her and there she is her eyes are closed and her mouth is open a little and i put my head to her chest shutting out the buzz of my noise and the shouting of the wind and the barking and yelling versions of my name coming out of the woods around me please i'll whisper and she's alive viola i whisper fiercely i'm starting to see little flashing spots before my eyes but i ignore them i shake her shoulders and take her face in my hand and shake that too wake up i'll whisper wake up wake up wake up i can't carry her i'm too shaky and lopsided and weak but i'll rudy well carrier if i have to i hear manche barking from deep in the woods todd hewitt i hear aaron yell as he chases my dog and then from below me i hear todd vila i say and my throat is clenching and my eyes are blurring but she's looking back at me you don't look so good she says her voice slurring and her eyes sleepy i notice some bruising underneath her eyes and my stomach clenches in anger you gotta get up i whisper he drugged she says closing her eyes bayla i say shaking her again he's coming back viola we gotta get out of here i can't hear no more barking we gotta go i say now i way too much she says her words melt and again she says closing her eyes i say shaking her again he's coming back vila we gotta get out of here i can't hear no more barking we gotta go i say now i way too much she says her words melting together please viola i say and i'm practically weeping it please she blinks open her eyes she looks into mine you came for me she says i did i say coffin you came for me she says again her face crumpling a little which is when manche comes flying out of the bushes barking my name like his life depends on it todd he yelps running toward us and passed aaron coming aaron vila lets out a little crying with a push that nearly knocks me over she gets to her feet and catches me as i fall and we steady ourselves against each other and i managed to point to the boat there i say trying hard to catch my breath and we run for it across the campsite toward the boat and the river manche bound and on ahead and clear in the front of the boat with a leap vilas stumbling ahead of me and we're five four three steps away and aaron comes pounding out of the woods behind us his noise so loud i don't even need to look todd hewitt and viola's reached the front of the boat and is falling in in two steps and one and i reach it and push with all my strength to get it back into the river and todd hewitt and he's closer and the boat don't move i will punish the wicked and closer still and the boat don't move and his noise is hitting me as hard as a punch and the boat moves and step and step and my feet are in the water and the boat's moving and i'm falling and i don't have the strength to get in the boat and i'm falling into the water as the boat moves away and viola grabs my shirt and yanks me up to my head and shoulders are over the front no you don't aaron roars and vila calls out as she pulls me again and my front's in the boat and aaron's in the water and he's grabbing my feet no bila screams and grips me harder pulling with all her strength and i'm lifted in the air and the boat stops and vila's face is twisted in the effort but it's a tug of war which only aaron's ever gonna win and i hear god barked in a voice so ferocious i wonder for a minute if a crocs raised out of the water but it's manche it's manche it's my dog my dog my dog and he's leaping past viola and i feel his feet hit my back and leave it again as he launches himself at aaron with a snarl and a howl and a todd and aaron calls out an anger and he lets go of my feet viola lurches back but she don't let go and i go tumbling into the boat on top of her the lurch pushes us out farther into the river the boat is starting to pull away my head tips and whirls as i spin round and i have to stay on my hands and knees for balance but i'm up as much as i can and leaning out the boat and i'm calling manche aaron's falling back into the soft sand at the river's edge his robe getting tangled up in his legs man she's going for his face all teeth and claws growls and roars aaron tries to shake him off but manche gets a bite either side of aaron's nose and he's giving his head a twist he rips aaron's nose clean away from his face aaron yells out in pain blood shooting everywhere man she i scream hurry manche manchy viola yells come on boy and manche looks up from aaron to see me calling him and that's where aaron takes his chance no i scream he grabs manche violently by a scruff lifting him off the ground and up in one motion man she i hear splashing and i'm dimly aware that viola's got the ore and is trying to stop us going any farther into the river and the world is shimmering and throbbing and aaron has my dog get back here aaron yells holding manche out at arm's length he's too heavy to be picked up by a scruff and he's yelping from the pain but he can't quite get his head round to bite aaron's arm let him go i yell aaron lowers his face there's blood pouring out of the hole where his nose used to be and though the gash in his cheek is healed you can still see his teeth and it's this mess that repeats almost calmly this time burbling through the blood and gore come back to me todd hewitt todd manchi yelps vile is rowing furiously to keep us out of the current but she's weak from the drugs and we're getting farther and farther away no i can hear her saying no let him go i scream the girl or the dog todd aaron calls still with a calm that's so much scarier than when he was shouting the choice is yours i reach for the knife and i hold it out in front of me but my head spins too much and i fall and smack my teeth on the boat seat todd viola says still rowing against the current the boat twisting and turning i sit up tasting blood and the world waves so much it nearly knocks me over again i'll kill you i say but so quietly i might as well be talking to myself last chance todd aaron says no longer sounding so calm todd man she's still yelping todd and no i'll kill you but my voice is a whisper and no and ain't no choice and the boat's out in the current and i look at viola still rowing against it tears dripping off her chin she looks back at me and there ain't no choice no she says her voice choking oh no todd and i put my hand on her arm to stop her rowing aaron's noise roars up in red and black the current takes us i'm sorry i cry as the river takes us away my words ragged things torn from me my chest pulled so tight i can't barely breathe i'm sorry manchy god he barks confused and scared and watching me leave him behind don manchi i scream and brings his free hand toward my dog todd and aaron wrenches his arm and there's a crack and a scream and a cut off yelp that tears my heart into forever and forever and the pain is too much it's too much it's too much and my hands are on my head and i'm rearing back and my mouth is open in a never-ending wordless whale of all the blackness that's inside me and i fall back into it and i know nothing more as the river takes us away and away and away part six thirty-two down river the sound of water and bird noise where's my safety they sing where's my safety behind it there's music i swear there's music layers of it fluty and strange and familiar and there's light against the darkness sheets of it white and yellow and warmth and softness on my skin and a silence there next to me pulling against me as strong as it ever did i open my eyes i'm in a bed under a cover in a small square room with white walls and sunlight pouring in at least two open windows with the sound of the river rushing by outside and birds flitting in the trees and music is that music and for a minute it's not just that i don't know where i am i also don't know who i am or what's happened or why there's an ache in my i see viola curled up asleep on a chair next to the bed breathing through her mouth her hands press twixed her thighs i'm still too groggy to make my own mouth move and say her name just yet but my noise must say it loud enough because her eyes flutter open and catch mine and she's out of her seat in a flash with her arms wrapped around me and squishing my nose against her collarbone oh jesus todd she says holding so tight it kinda hurts i put one hand on her back and i inhale her scent flowers i thought you were never coming back she says squeezing tight i thought you were dead wasn't i i croak trying to remember you were sick viola says sitting back knees still on my bed really sick dr snow wasn't sure you'd ever wake up and when a doctor admits that much who's dr snow i ask looking around the little room where are we are we in haven and what's that music we're in a settlement called carbonell downs she says we floated down the river and she stops because she sees me looking at the foot of the bed at the space where manche ain't i remember my chest closes up my throat clenches shut i can hear him barking in my nose todd he's saying wondering why i'm leaving him behind with an asking mark just like that forever asking where i'm going without him he's gone i say like i'm saying it to myself vilas seems like she's about to say something but when i glance up at her her eyes are shiny and all she does is nod which is the right thing the thing i'd want he's gone he's gone and i don't know what to say about that is that noise i hear says a loud voice preceded by its own noise through a door opening itself at the foot of the bed a man enters a big man tall and broad with glasses that make his eyes bug out and a flip in his hair and a crooked smile and noise coming at me so filled with relief and joy it's all i can do not to crawl out the window behind me dr snow bila says to me scooting off the bed to make way pleased to finally meet you todd dr snow says smiling big and sitting down on the bed and taking a device out of his front shirt pocket he sticks two ends of it into his ears and places other end on my chest without asking could you take a deep breath for me i don't do nothing just look at him i'm checking if your lungs are clear he says and i realize what it is i'm noticing his accent's the closest to violas i ever heard on new world not exactly the same he says but close he's the one who made you well viola says i don't say nothing but i take a deep breath good dr snow says placing the end of the device on another part of my chest once more i breathe in and out i find that i can breathe in and out all the way down to the bottom of my lungs you were a very sick boy he says i wasn't sure we were going to be able to beat it you weren't even giving off noise until yesterday he looks me in the eye haven't seen that sort of sickness for a long time yeah well i say haven't heard of a spackle attack for a very long time he says i don't say nothing to this just breathe deep that's great todd the doctor says could you take your shirt off please i look at him then over to viola i'll wait outside she says and out she goes i reach behind me to pull my shirt over my head and as i do i realize there's no pain twist my shoulder blades took some stitches that one dr snow says moving around behind me he puts the device against my back i flinch that's cold she wouldn't leave your side he says ignoring me and checking different places for my breath not even to sleep how long have i been here this is the fifth morning five days i say and he barely has a chance to say yes before i'm pulling back the covers and getting out of the bed we gotta get out of here i say a little unsteady on my feet but standing nonetheless viola leans back in the doorway i've been trying to tell them that you're safe here dr snow says we've heard that before i say i look to viola for support but all she does is stifle a smile and i realize i'm standing there in just a pair of holy and seriously worn out underpants that ain't covering as much as they should hey i say moving my hands down to the important bits you're safe as you're going to be anywhere dr snow says behind me handed me a pair of my pants from a neatly washed pile by the bed we were one of the main fronts in the war we know how to defend ourselves that was spackle i turned my back to viola and shove my legs in the pants this is man a thousand man so the rumors say dr snow says even though it's not actually numerically possible i don't know nothing from numerically i say but they got guns we have guns and horses we've got horses do you have men who'll join them i say challenging him he don't say nothing to that which is satisfying then again it ain't satisfying at all i button up my pants we need to go you need to rest the doctor says we ain't staying and waiting for the army to show up i turned to include viola turn without thinking to the space where my dog would be waiting for me to include him too there's a quiet moment when my noise fills the room with manche just fills it with him side to side barking and barking and needing a poo and barking some more and dying i don't know what to say about that neither he's gone he's gone i feel empty all over empty no one's going to make you do anything you don't want to todd dr snow says gently but the elder men of the village would like to talk to you before you leave us i tighten my mouth about what about anything that might help how can i help i say grabbing a washed shirt to put on the army will come here and kill everyone who don't join it that's it this is our home todd he says we're going to defend it we have no choice then count me out i start to say daddy we here this little boy standing in the doorway next to viola an actual boy he's looking up at me eyes wide open his noise a funny bright roomy thing and i can hear myself described as skinny and scar and sleeping boy and at the same time there are all kinds of warm thoughts toward his paw with just the word daddy repeat it over and over again meaning everything you'd want it to askins about me identifying his daddy telling him he loves him all in one word repeated forever hey fella dr snow says jacob this is todd all woke up jacob looks at me solemnly a finger in his mouth and gives a little nod goat's not milking he says quietly she isn't dr snow says standing up well we'd better go see if we can talk her into it hadn't we daddy daddy daddy says jacob's noise i'll see to the goat dr snow is saying to me and then i'll go round up the rest of the eldermen i can't stop staring at jacob who can't stop staring at me he's so much closer than the kids i saw at far branch and he's so small was i that small dr snow is still talking i'll bring the elder man back here see if you can't help us he leans down till i'm looking at him and if we can't help you his noise is sincere truthful i believe he means what he says i also believe he's mistaken maybe he says with a smile maybe not you haven't even seen the place yet come on jake he takes his son's hand there's food in the kitchen i'll bet you're starved be back within the hour i go to the door to watch them leave jacob fingers still in his mouth looks back at me till he and his paw disappear out of the house how old is that i asked viola still looking down the hallway i don't even know how old that is he's four she says he's told me about 800 times which seems kind of young to be milking goats not on new world it ain't i say i turn back to her and her hands are on her hips and she's giving me a serious look come and eat she says we need to talk 33. carbonell downs she leads me to a kitchen as clean and bright as the bedroom river still rushing by outside birds still noisy music still what is that music i say going to the window to look out sometimes it seems like i recognize it but when i listen close its voices changing over voices running around itself it's from loudspeakers up in the main settlement viola says taking a plate of cold meat out of the fridge i sit down at the table is there some kind of festival going on no she says in a way that means just wait not a festival she gets out bread and some orange fruit i never seen before and then some red colored drink the tastes of berries and sugar i dig into the food tell me dr snow is a good man she says like i need to know this first everything about him is good and kind and he works so hard to save you todd i mean it okay so what's up that music plays all day and all night she says watching me eat it's faint here at the house but in the settlement you can't hear yourself think a pause with a full of bread like the bar what bar the bar in print i stop where do they think we're from bar branch sigh i'll do my best i take a bite of the fruit the bar where i come from played music all the time to try and drown out the noise she nods i asked dr snow why they did it here and he said to keep men's thoughts private a shrug it makes an awful racket but it kind of makes sense don't it one way to deal with the noise men's thoughts todd she says men and you notice he said he was going to ask the elder men to come seek out your advice i get a horrible thought did the women all die here too oh there's women she says fiddling with a butter knife they clean and they cook and they make babies and they all live in a big dormitory outside of town where they can't interfere in men's business i put down a fork full of meat i saw a place like that when i was coming to find you men sleeping in one place women in another todd she says looking at me they wouldn't listen to me not one thing not a word i said about the army they kept calling me little girl and practically patting me on the damn head she crosses her arms the only reason they want to talk to you about it now is because caravans of refugees started showing up on the river road wilf i say her eyes scan over me reading my noise oh she says no i haven't seen him wait a minute i swallow some more drink it feels like i haven't drunk anything for years how did we get so far ahead of the army how come if i've been here five days we ain't been overrun yet we were in that boat for a day and a half she says running her nail at something stuck on the table a day and a half i repeat thinking about this we must have come miles miles and miles she says i just let us float and float and float i was too afraid to stop at the places i passed you wouldn't believe some of the things she drifts off shaking her head i remember jane's warnings naked people in glass houses i ask wyla looks at me strange no she says curl in her lip just poverty just horrible horrible poverty some of those places looked like they would have eaten us so i just kept on and on and you got sicker and sicker and on the second morning i saw dr snow and jacob out fishing and i could see in his noise he was a doctor and as weird as this place is about women it's at least clean i look around the clean clean kitchen we can't stay i say no we can't she puts a head in her hands i was so worried about you there's feeling in her voice i was so worried about the army coming and nobody listening to me she smacks the table in frustration and i was feeling so bad about she stops her face creases and she looks away manche i say out loud for the first time since i'm so sorry todd she says her eyes watery ain't your fault i stand up fast scooting my chair back he would have killed you she says and then he would have killed manche just because he could stop talking about it please i say leaving the kitchen and going back to the bedroom viola follows me i'll talk to these elder folks i say picking up violet's bag from the floor and stuffing the rest of the wash clothes in it and then we'll go how far are we from haven do you know viola makes a tiny smile two days i stand up straight we came that far down river we came that far i whistle quietly to myself two days just two days till whatever there is in haven todd yeah i say putting a bag around my shoulders thank you she says but what for coming after me everything's gone still ain't nothing i say feeling my face getting hot and looking away she don't say nothing more you all right i ask still not looking at her from when he took you i don't really she starts to say but we hear a door close and a sing song daddy daddy daddy floating down the hall toward us jacob hugs the door frame of the room rather than coming in daddy sent me to fetch you he says oh i raised my eyebrows i'm supposed to come to them now am i jacob nods very serious well in that case we're coming i rearrange the sack and look at vila and then we're going to right bila says and the way she says it makes me glad we head out into the hallway after jacob but he stops us at the door just you he says looking at me just me what viola crosses her arms he means just you to talk to the elder men jacob nods again very serious i look at vila and back to jacob well now i say squatting down to his level why don't you just go tell your daddy that both me and viola will be along in a minute okay jacob opens his mouth but he said i don't really care what he said i say gently go he gives a little gasp and runs out the door i think maybe i'm through with men telling me what to do i say and i'm surprised that the weariness in my voice and suddenly i feel like i want to get back in that bed and sleep for another five days you going to be alright to walk to haven viola says try and stop me i say and she smiles again i head on out the front door and for a third time i'm expecting manche to come bounding out with us his absence is so big it's like he's there and all the air goes out of my lungs again and i have to wait and breathe deep and swallow oh man i say to myself his last thought hangs in my nose like a wound that's another thing about noise everything that's ever happened to you just keeps right on talking forever and ever i see the last of jacob's dust as he runs on up the trail through some trees toward the rest of the settlement i look round dr snow's house ain't too big but it stretches out to a deck overlooking the river there's a small dock and a really low bridge connecting the wide path that comes from the center of carbonell downs to the river road that goes along on the other side the road across the river the one we spent so much time coming down is almost hidden behind a row of trees as it goes on past the settlement on the final two days toward haven god i say it's like paradise compared to the rest of new world there's more to paradise than nice buildings bila says i look round some more dr snow's got a well-kept front garden on the path to the settlement looking up the path i can see more buildings through the trees and hear that music playing that weird music constantly changing to keep you from getting used to it i guess it's nothing i recognize but it's louder out here and i guess on one level you ain't supposed to recognize it but i swear i heard something in it when i was waking up it's almost unbearable in the middle of the settlement biola says most of the women don't even bother coming in from the dormitory she frowns which i guess is the whole point wilf's wife told me about a settlement where everyone i stop because the music changes except it don't change the music from the settlement stays the same messy and wordy and bending around itself like a monkey but there's more there's more music than just it and it's getting louder do you hear that i say i turn and turn again violet too trying to figure out what we're hearing maybe someone set up another loudspeaker across the river she says just in case the women were getting any uppity ideas about leaving but i ain't listening to her no i whisper no it can't be what viola says her voice changing shh i listen close again trying to calm my noise so i can hear it it's coming from the river she whispers shh i say again cause my chest is starting to rise my noise starting to buzz too loud to be of any use at all out there against the rush of the water and the noise of the bird song there's a song viola says real quiet someone's singing someone's singing and what they're singing is early one morning just as the sun was rising and my noise surges louder as i say it ben 34. oh never leave me i run down to the river's edge and stop and listen again oh don't deceive me ben i say trying to shout and whisper at the same time vila comes thumping up behind me not your ben she says is it your ben i shush her with my hand and listen and try to pick away the river and the birds and my own noise and there just there under it all oh never leave me other side of the river bila says and takes off across the bridge feet smacking against the wood i'm right behind her passing her listening and looking and listening and looking and there and there and there there in the leafy shrubs on the other side of the water it's ben it really is ben he's crouched down behind leafy greenery hand against a tree trunk watching me come to him watching me run across the bridge and as i near him his face relaxes and his noise opens up as wide as his arms and i'm flying into them both leaping off the bridge and into the bushes and nearly knocking them over and my heart is busting open and my nose is as bright as the whole blue sky and everything's gonna be all right everything's gonna be all right everything's gonna be all right it's ben and he's gripping me tied and he's saying todd and vilas standing back a ways let me greet him and i'm hugging him and hugging him and it's been all christ almighty it's bam bam bam it's me he says laughing a little because i'm crushing the air out of his lungs oh it's good to see you todd ben i say leaning back from him and i don't know what to do with my hands so i just grab his shirt front and my fist and shake him in a way that's gotta mean love ben i say again he nods and smiles but there's creases around his eyes and already i can see the beginnings of it so soon it's gotta be right up front in his noise and i have to ask killian you don't say nothing but he shows it to me ben running back to a farmhouse already in flames already burning down with some of the mayor's men inside but with killian too and been grieving grieving still oh no i say my stomach's sinking though i long guessed it to be true but guessing a thing ain't knowing a thing ben nods again slow and sad and i notice now that he's dirty and his blood clotted on his nose and he looks like he ain't eating for a week but it's still been and he can still read me like no other because his noise is already asking me about manche and i'm already showing him and here at last my eyes properly fill and rush over and he takes me in his arms again and i cry for real over the loss of my dog and of killian and of the life that was i left him i say and keep saying snot filled and coughing i left him i know he says and i can tell it's true because i hear the same words in his noise i left him he thinks but after only a minute i feel him gently pushing me back and he says listen todd they ain't much time ain't much time for what i sniffle but i see he's looking over at viola hi she says eyes all alert i ben says you must be her i must be she says you've been taking care of todd we've been taking care of each other good ben says and his noise goes warm and sad good come on i say taking his arm and trying to pull him back toward the footbridge we can get you something to eat and there's a doctor but ben ain't moving can you keep an eye out for us he asks viola let us know if you see anything anything at all either from the settlement or the road viola nods and catches my eyes she steps out of the green and back to the path things have escalated ben says to me low serious is a heart attack you got to get to a place called haven fast as you can i know that ben i say why do you there's an army after you i know that too and aaron but now that you're here we can i can't come with you he says my mouth hangs open what course you can but he's shaking his head you know i can't we can find a way i say but already my noise is whirling thinking remembering apprentice town man ain't welcome anywhere on new world he says a nod they ain't too happy about princess town boys neither he takes my arm again has anyone hurt you i look at him quietly lots of people i say he bites his lip and his noise gets even sadder i looked for you he says day and night following the army getting around it ahead of it listening for rumors of a boy and a girl traveling alone and here you are and you're okay and i knew you would be i knew it he sighs and there's so much love and sadness in it i know he's about to say the truth but i'm a danger to you in new world he gestures at the bush we're hiding in hiding like thieves you're gonna have to make it the rest of the way alone i ain't alone i say without thinking he smiles but it's still sad no he says no you're not are you he looks around us again peering through the leaves and over the river to dr snow's house were you sick he asks i heard your noise yesterday morning coming down the river but it was feverish and sleeping i've been waiting here ever since i was worried something was really wrong i was sick i say and shame starts to cloud my nose like a slow fog ben looks at me close again what happened todd he says gently reading into my noise like he always could what's happened i open up my noise for him all of it from the beginning the crocs that attacked aaron the race through the swamp violence ship being chased by the mayor on horseback the bridge hildy and tam far branch and what happened there the fork in the road wilf and the things that sang here mr prentice jr and viola saving me and the spackle and what i did i can't look at ben todd he says i'm still looking at the ground todd he says again look at me i look up at him his eyes blew as ever catching mine and holding him we've all made mistakes todd all of us i killed it i say i swallow i killed him it was a him you were acting on what you knew you were acting on what you thought best and that excuses it but there's something in his noise something off and telling what is it ben he lets out a breath it's time you knew todd he says time you knew the truth there's a snap of branches as violet comes rushing back to us horse on the road she says out of breath we listen hoof beats down the river road coming fast ben slinks back a little farther into the bushes we go with him but the horseman is coming so quick he ain't interested in us at all we hear him thunder by on the road and turn up the bridge that heads straight into carbonell downs hooves clattering on boards and then on dirt till they're swallowed up by the loudspeaker sounds that can't be good news bila says it'll be the army ben says by now they're probably not more than a few hours from here what i say rear and back viola jumps too i told you we don't have much time ben says then we gotta go i say you gotta come with us we'll tell people no he says no you get yourselves to haven that's all there is to it it's your best chance we pelt him with sudden askins is haven safe then vila asks from an army is it true they have a cure for the noise i ask will they have communicators will i be able to contact my ship are you sure it's safe are you sure ben raises his hands to stop us i don't know he says i haven't been there in 20 years viola stands up straight 20 years she says 20 years her voice is rising then how can we know what we'll find when we get there how do we know it's even still there i rub my hand across my face and i think it's the emptiness where man she used to be that makes me realize realize what we never wanted to know we don't i say only saying the truth we never did vila lets out a little sound and her shoulders slumped down no she says i guess we didn't but there's always hope ben says you always have to hope we both look at him and there must be a word for how we're doing it but i don't know what it is we're looking at him like he's speaking a foreign language like he just said he was moving to one of the moons like he's telling us it's all just been a bad dream and there's candy for everybody there ain't a whole lot of hope out here ben i say he shakes his head what do you think's been driving you on what do you think's got you this far fear violence says desperation i say no he says taking us both in no no no you've come farther than most people on this planet will in their lifetimes you've overcome obstacles and dangers and things that should have killed you you've outrun an army and a madman and deadly illness and seen things most people will never see how do you think you could have possibly come this far if you didn't have hope vila and i exchange a glance i see what you're trying to say ben i start hope he says squeezing my arm on the word it's hope i'm looking into your eyes right now and i'm telling you that there's hope for you hope for you both he looks up at vila and back at me there's hope waiting for you at the end of the road you don't know that viola says and my noise as much as i don't want it to agrees with her no ben says but i believe it i believe it for you and that's why it's hope ben even if you don't believe it he says believe that i do i'd believe it more if you were coming with us i say he ain't coming viola says surprised then corrects herself isn't coming ben looks at her opens his mouth and closes it again what's the truth ben i ask what's the truth we need to know ben takes a long slow breath through his nose okay he says but then a loud and clear todd comes calling from across the river and that's when we notice the music of carbonell downs is competing with the noise of men now crossing the bridge many men that's the other purpose of the music i guess so you can't hear men coming viola dr snow is calling what are you two doing over there i stand up straight and look over dr snow is crossing the bridge little jacob's hand in his leading a group of men who look like less friendly versions of himself and they're eyeing us up and they're seeing ben and seeing me and viola talking to him and their noise is starting to turn different colors as what they're seeing starts making sense to them and i see that some of them have rifles ben i say quietly you need to run he says under his breath you need to run now i ain't leaving you not again todd too late viola says because they're on us now past the end of the bridge and heading toward the bushes where we're not really hiding no more dr snow reaches us first he looks ben up and down and who might this be then and the sound of his noise ain't happy at all 35 the law this is ben i say trying to raise my noise to block all the askins coming from the men and who's been when he's at home dr snow asked his eyes alert and looking ben's my paw i say because it's true ain't it in all that's important my father todd i hear ben say behind me all kinds of feelings and his noise but warning most of all your father says a bearded man behind dr snow his fingers flexing along the stock of his rifle though not lifting it not yet you might want to be careful who you start claiming as a parent todd dr snow says slowly pulling jacob closer to him you said the boy was from far branch says a third man with a purple birthmark under his eye that's what the girl told us dr snow looks at viola didn't juvai viola holds his look but don't say nothing can't trust the word of a woman says the beard this is apprentice town man if ever i saw one leading the army right to us says the birthmark the boy is innocent says ben and when i turn i can see his hands are in the air i'm the one you want correction says the beard his voice angry and getting angrier you're the one we don't want hold on a minute fergal dr snow says something's not right here you know the law says the birthmark the law far branch talked about the law too i also know these aren't normal circumstances dr snow says then turns back to us we should at least give them a chance to explain themselves i hear ben take a breath well i not you the beard interrupts what's the story todd dr snow says and it's become really important you tell us the truth i look from viola to ben and back again which side of the truth do i tell i hear the of a rifle the beards raised his gun and so have one or two of the men behind him the longer you wait the beard says the more you look like spies we ain't spies i say in a hurry the army your girl's been talking about has been spotted marching down the river road dr snow says one of our scouts just reported them as less than an hour away oh no i hear viola whisper she ain't my girl i say low what dr snow says what viola says she's her own girl i say she don't belong to anyone and does viola ever look at me whichever the birthmark says we've got a princess town army marching on us an apprentice town man hiding in our bushes an apprentice town boy who's been in our midst for the last week looks mighty fishy if you ask me he was sick dr snow says he was out cold so you say says the birthmark dr snow turns to him real slow are you calling me a liar now duncan remember please that you're talking to the head of the council of elder men you telling me you're not seeing a plot here jackson says the birthmark not backing down and raising his own rifle we're sitting ducks who knows what they've told their army he aims his rifle at ben but we'll be putting an end to that right now we ain't spies i say again we're running from the army just as hard as you should be and the men look at each other in their noise i can hear just these thoughts about the army about running from it instead of defending the town i can also see anger bubbling anger at having to make this choice anger and not knowing the best way to protect their families and i can see the anger focusing itself not on the army not on themselves for being unprepared despite viola warning them for days not at the world for the state it's in they're focusing their anger on ben they're focusing their anger on prentice town in the form of one man dr snow kneels down to get to jacob's level hey fella he says to his son why don't you run on back to the house now okay daddy daddy daddy i hear in jacob's noise why daddy he says staring at me well i bet you the goat's getting lonely dr snow says and who wants a lonely goat huh jacob looks at his father back at me and ben then to the men around him why is everyone so upset he says oh dr snow says we're just figuring some things out is all it'll all be right soon enough you just run on back home make sure the goats okay jacob thinks about this for a second then says okay daddy dr snow kisses him on the top of the head and ruffles his hair jacob goes running back over the bridge toward dr snow's house when dr snow turns back to us a whole raft of pointed guns accompany him you can see how this doesn't look good todd he says and there's real sadness in his voice he doesn't know ben says shut your whole murderer says the beard gesturing with his rifle murderer tell me true dr snow says to me are you from prentiss town he saved me from prentiss town viola speaks up if it hadn't been for him shut up girl says the beard now's not really the time for women to be talking by dr snow says but viola says her face getting red please dr snow says then he looks at ben what have you told your army how many men we have what our fortifications are like i've been running from the army ben says hands still in the air look at me do i look like a well-tended soldier i haven't told them anything i've been on the run looking for my he pauses and i know the reason for my son he says you did this knowing the law dr snow asks i know the law ben says how could i possibly not know the law what ruddy law i yell what the hell is everyone talking about todd is innocent ben says you can search his noise for as long as you like and you won't find anything to say online you can't trust them says the beard still looking down his gun you know you can't we don't know anything dr snow says not for ten years or more we know they've raised themselves into an army says the birthmark yes but i don't see any crime in this boy dr snow says do you a dozen different noises come poking at me like sticks he turns to viola and all the girl is guilty of is a lie that saved her friend's life viola looks away from me face still red with anger and we've got bigger problems dr snow continues an army coming that may or may not know all about how we're preparing to meet them we ain't spies i shout but dr snow was turning to the other man take the boy and the girl back into town the girl can go with the women and the boy is well enough to fight alongside us wait a minute i yell dr snow turns to ben and though i do believe you're just a man out looking for his son the law is the law is that your final ruling the beard says if the elder men agree dr snow says there's a general but reluctant nodding of heads all serious and curt dr snow looks at me i'm sorry todd hold on i say but the birthmark's already stepping forward and grabbing my arm let go of me another man's grabbing onto viola and she's resisting just as much as i am ben i call looking back at him ben go todd he says no ben remember i love you what are they gonna do i say still pulling away from the birthmark's hand i turn to dr snow what are you gonna do he don't say nothing but i can see it in his noise what the law demands the hell you are i yell and with my free arm i'm already reaching for my knife and bringing it round toward the birthmark's hand slicing it across the top he yelps and let's go run i say to ben run already i see viola biting the hand of the man who's grabbing her he calls out and she stumbles back you too i say to her get out of here i wouldn't says the beard and there are rifles cocking all over the place the birthmark is cursing and he raises his arm to strike but i've got my knife out in front of me try it i say through my teeth come on enough dr snow yells and in the sudden silence that follows we hear the hoof beats horses five of them 10 maybe even 15 roaring down the road like the devil itself is on their tail scouts i say to ben though i know they ain't he shakes his head advance party they'll be armed i say to dr snow and the man thinking fast they'll have as many guns as you dr snow's thinking too i can see his noise whirring see him thinking how much time they've got before the horses get here how much trouble me and ben and viola are going to cause how much time we'll waste i see him decide let them go what says the beard his nose itching to shoot something he's a traitor and a murderer and we've got a town to protect dr snow says firmly i've got a son to keep safe so do you furgo the beard frowns but says nothing more thump but a thump or thump comes the sound from the road dr snow turns to us go he says i can only hope you haven't sealed our fate we haven't i say and that's the truth dr snow purses his lips i'd like to believe you he turns to the men come on he shouts get to your posts hurry the group of men breaks up scurrying back to carbonell downs the beard and the birthmark still see then at us as they go looking for a reason to use their guns but we don't give him one we just watch him go i find i'm shaking a little holy crap violet says bending at the waist we gotta get out of here i say the army's going to be more interested in us than it is in them i still have viola's bag with me though all it's got in it anymore a few clothes the water bottles the binox and my mom's book still in its plastic bag all the things we've got in the world which means we're ready to go this is only going to keep happening ben says i can't come with you yes you can i say you can leave later but we're going now and you're coming with us we ain't leaving you to be caught by no army i look over at vila right she puts her shoulders back and looks decisive right she says that's settled then i say ben looks back and forth twixt the two of us he furrows his brow only till i know you're safe too much talking i say not enough running 36 answers to askins we stay off the river road for obvious reasons and tear through the trees heading as always toward haven snapping through twigs and branches getting away from carbonell downs as fast as our legs can carry us it's not 10 minutes before we hear the first gunshots we don't look back we don't look back we run and the sounds fade we keep running me and viola are both faster than ben and sometimes we have to slow down to let him catch up we run past one then two small empty settlements places that obviously heeded the rumors about the army better than carbonell downs did we keep to the woods twix the river and the road but we don't even see any caravans they must be hightailing it to haven on we run night falls and we keep on running you all right i asked ben when we stopped by the river to refill the bottles keep on going he says gaspin keep on going bila sends me a worried look i'm sorry we don't got food i say but he just shakes his head and says keep going so we keep going midnight comes and we run through that too who knows how many days who cares anymore till finally ben says wait and stops hands on his knees breathing hard in a real unhealthy way i look around us by the light of the moons violence looking too she points there up there ben i say pointing up the small hill viola scene we'll be able to get a view ben don't say nothing just gasps and nods his head and follows us there's trees all the way up the side but a well-tended path and a wide clearing at the top when we get there we see why a cemetery i say a what violet says looking around at all the square stones marking out their graves must be a hundred maybe two in orderly rows and well-kept grass settler life is hard and it's short and lots of new world people have lost the battle it's a place for burying dead folk i say her eyes widen a place for doing what don't people die in space i ask yeah she says but we burn them we don't put them in holes she crosses her arms around herself mouth and forehead frowning peering around at the graves how can this be sanitary ben still hasn't said anything just flopped down by a gravestone and leaned against it catching his breath i take a swig from a water bottle and then hand it to ben i look out around us you can see down the road for a piece and there's a view of the river too rushing by us on the left now it's a clear sky the stars out the moon's starting to crescent in the sky above us ben i say looking up into the night yeah he says drinking down his water you all right yeah his breath's getting back to normal i'm built for farm labor not sprinting i'll look at the moons one more time the smaller one chasing the larger one two brightnesses up there still loud enough to cast shadows ignorant of the troubles of men i look into myself i look deep into my noise and i realize i'm ready this is the last chance and i'm ready i think it's time i say i look back at him i think now's the time if it's ever gonna be he licks his lips and swallows his water he puts the cap back on the bottle i know he says time for what byla asks where should i start ben asks i shrug anywhere i say as long as it's true i can hear ben's noise gathering gathering up the whole story taking one stream out of the river finally the one that tells what really happened the one hidden for so long and so deep i didn't even know it was there for my whole up-growing life violence silence has gone more silent than usual as still as the night waiting to hear what he might say ben takes a deep breath the noise germ wasn't speckled warfare he says that's the first thing the germ was here when we landed a naturally occurring phenomenon in the air always had been always will be we got out of our ships and within a day everyone could hear everyone's thoughts imagine our surprise he pauses remembering except it wasn't everyone bila says it was just the man i say ben nods no one knows why still don't our scientists were mainly agriculturalists and the doctors couldn't find a reason and so for a while there was chaos just chaos like you wouldn't believe chaos and confusion and noise noise noise he scratches underneath his chin a lot of men scattered themselves into far communities getting away from haven as fast as roads could be cut but soon folk realized there was nothing to be done about it so for a while we all tried to live with it the best we could found different ways to deal with it different communities taking their own paths same as we did when we realized all our livestock were talking to and pets and local creatures he looks up into the sky and to the cemetery around us and the river and road below everything on this planet talks to each other he says everything that's what new world is information all the time never stopping whether you want it or not the spackle knew it evolved to live with it but we weren't equipped for it not even close and too much information can drive a man mad too much information becomes just noise and it never never stops he pauses and the noise is there of course like it always is his and mine and viola's silence only making it louder as the years went by he goes on times were hard all over new world and getting harder crops failing and sickness and no prosperity and no eating definitely no eating and a preaching started spreading in the land a poisonous preaching a preaching that started to blame they blamed the aliens bila says the spackle i say and the shame returns they blame the spackle ben confirms and somehow preaching became a movement and a movement became a war he shakes his head they didn't stand a chance we had guns they didn't and that was the end of the spackle not all i say no he says not all but they learn better than to come to near man again i'll tell you that a brief wind blows across the hilltop when it stops it's like we're the only three people left on new world us and the cemetery ghosts but the war is not the end of the story bila says quietly no ben says the story ain't finished ain't even half finished and i know it ain't and i know where it's heading and i change my mind i don't want it to finish but i do too i look into ben's eyes into his noise the war didn't stop with the spackle i say not in prentiss town licks his lips and i can feel unsteadiness in his noise and hunger and grief at what he's already imagining is our next parting war is a monster he says almost to himself war is the devil it starts and it consumes and it grows and grows and grows he's looking at me now and otherwise normal men become monsters too they couldn't stand the silence vilas says her voice still they couldn't stand women knowing everything about them and them knowing nothing about women some men thought that ben says not all not me not killian there were good men in princess town but enough bought it i say yes he nods there's another pause as the truth starts to show itself finally and forever by shaking her head are you saying she says are you really saying and here it is here's the thing that's the center of it all here's the thing that's been growing in my head since i left the swamp seen in flashes of men along the way most clearly in matthew lyles but also in the reactions of everyone who even hears the word prentice town here it is the truth and i don't want it but i say it anyway after they killed the spackle i say the men apprentice town killed the women of prentiss town vile of gasps even though she's got to have guessed it too not all the men ben says but many allowing themselves to be swayed by mayor prentice and the preachings of aaron who used to say that what was hidden must be evil they killed all the women and all the men who tried to protect them mama i say been just nods and confirmation i feel a sickness in my stomach by my dying being killed by man i probably saw every day i have to sit down on a gravestone i have to think of something else i just do i have to put something else in my noise so i can stand it who was jessica i say remembering matthew lyle's noise back in far branch remembering the violence in it the noise that now makes sense even though it don't make no sense at all some people could see what was coming ben says jessica elizabeth was our mayor and she could see the way the wind was blowing jessica elizabeth i think knew elizabeth she organized some of the girls and younger boys to flee across the swamp ben continues but before she could go herself with the women and the men who hadn't lost their minds the mayor's men attacked and that was that i say feeling numb all over new elizabeth becomes princess town your ma never thought it would happen ben says smiling sadly to himself at some memory so full of love that woman so full of hope in the goodness of others he stopped smiling and then there came a moment when it was too late to flee and you were way too young to be sent away and so she gave you to us told us to keep you safe no matter what i look up how was staying in prentiss town keeping me safe ben's staring right at me sadness everywhere around him his noise so waited with it it's a wonder he can stay upright why didn't you leave i ask he rubs his face because we didn't think the attack would really happen either or i didn't anyway and we had put the farm together and i thought it would blow over before anything really bad happened i thought it was just rumors and paranoia including on the part of your ma right up to the last he frowns i was wrong i was stupid he looks away i was willfully blind i remember his words comforting me about the spackle we've all made mistakes todd all of us and then it was too late ben says the deed was done and word of what prentice town had done spread like wildfire starting with the few who'd managed to escape all men from prentiss town were declared criminals we couldn't leave bila's arms are still crossed why didn't someone come and get you why didn't the rest of new world come after you and do what ben says sounding tired fight another war but this time with heavily armed men lock us up in a giant prison they laid down the law that if any man from princess town crossed the swamp he'd be executed and then they left us to it but they could have viola says holding her palms to the air something i don't know if it ain't happening on your doorstep ben says it's easier to think why go out and find trouble we had the whole of the swamp twixt us a new world the mayor sent word that prentice town would be a town in exile doomed of course to a slow death we'd agree never to leave and if we ever did he'd hunt us down and kill us himself didn't people try biola says didn't they try to get away they tried ben says full of meaning it wasn't uncommon for people to disappear but if you and killian were innocent i start we weren't innocent ben says strongly and suddenly his noise tastes bitter he sighs we weren't what do you mean i ask raising my head the sickness in my stomach ain't leaving what do you mean you weren't innocent you let it happen viola says you didn't die with the other men who were protecting the women we didn't fight he says and we didn't die he shakes his head not innocent at all why didn't you fight i ask killian wanted to ben says quickly i want you to know that he wanted to do whatever he could to stop them he would have given his life he looks away once more but i wouldn't let him why not i get it viola whispers look at her cuz i sure don't get what viola keeps looking at ben they either die fighting for what's right and leave you an unprotected baby she says or they become complicit with what's wrong and keep you alive i don't know what complicit means but i can guess they did it for me all that horror they did it for me ben and killian killian and ben they did it so i could live i don't know how i feel about any of this doing what's right should be easy it shouldn't be just another big mess like everything else so we waited ben says in a town-sized prison full of the ugliest noise you ever heard before men started denying their own paths before the mayor came up with his grand plans and so we waited for the day you were old enough to get away on your own innocent as we could keep you he rubs his hand over his head but the mayor was waiting too for me i ask though i know it's true for the last boy to become a man ben says when boys become men they were told the truth or version of it anyway and then they were made complicit themselves i remember his noise from back on the farm about my birthday about how a boy becomes a man about what complicity really means and how it can be passed on how it was waiting to be passed on to me and about the men who i put it out of my head that don't make no sense i say you were the last ben says if he could make every single boy in princess town a man by his own meaning then he's god ain't he he's created all of us and is in complete control if one of us falls i say we all fall ben finishes that's why he wants you you're a symbol you're the last innocent boy of prentice town if he can make you fall then his army is complete and of his own perfect making and if not i say though i'm wondering if i've already fallen if not ben says he'll kill you so mayor prentice is as crazy as aaron then viola says not quite ben says aaron is crazy but the mayor knows enough to use craziness to achieve his hands which are what bila says this world ben says calmly he wants all of it i open my mouth to ask more stuff i don't want to know but then as if there was never going to be anything else that could ever happen we hear it thump by the thumb but a thumb coming down the road relentless like a joke that ain't ever gonna be funny you've got to be kidding byla says ben's already back on his feet listening it sounds like just one horse we all look down the road shining a little in the moonlight bye knox viola says now right by my side i fish them out without another word click on the night setting and look searching out the sound as it rings through the night air but if i'm a search down the road farther and farther back till there it is there he is who else mr prentice jr alive and well and untied and back on his horse damn i hear from vila reading my noise as i handle the binocs davey prentice ben says also reading my noise the one and only i put the water bottles back in vila's bag we gotta go viola hands the binocs to ben and he looks for himself he takes them away from his eyes and gives the binox a quick once over nifty he says we need to go viola says as always ben turns to us by knox still in his hand he's looking from one of us to the other and i see what's forming in his noise then i start no he says this is where i leave you ben i can handle davey prentice he has a gun i say you don't ben comes up to me todd he says no ben i say my voice getting louder i ain't listening he looks me in the eye and i notice he don't seem to be having to bend down anymore to do it todd he says again i atone for the wrong i've done by keeping you safe you can't leave me ben i say my voice getting wet shut up not again he's shaking his head i can't come to haven with you you know i can't i'm the enemy we can explain what happened but he's still shaking his head the horse is getting closer bila says thump butter thump butter thump the only thing that makes me a man ben says his voice steady as a rock is seeing you safely into becoming a man yourself i ain't a man yet ben i say my throat catching shut up i don't even know how many days i got left and then he smiles and it's the smile that tells me it's over 16 he says 16 days to your birthday he takes my chin and lifts it but you've been a man for a good while now don't let no one tell you otherwise ben go he says and he comes up to me and hands viola the by knox behind my back and takes me in his arms no father could be prouder i hear him say by my ear no i say my words slurring it ain't fair it ain't he pulls himself away but there's hope at the end of the road you remember that don't go i say i have to danger's coming closer and closer viola says bye knocks to her eyes but if i'm a thump i'll stop him i'll buy you time ben looks at vila you take care of todd he says i have your word you have my word bila says ben please i whisper please he grips my shoulders for a last time remember he says hope and he don't say nothing more and he turns and runs down the hill from the cemetery to the road when he gets to the bottom he looks back and sees us still watching him what are you waiting for he shouts run 37 what's the point i won't say what i feel when we run down the other side of the hill and away from ben forever this time because how is there any life after this life equals running and when we stop running maybe that's how we'll know life is finally finished come on todd viola calls looking back over her shoulder please hurry i don't say nothing i run we get down the hill and back by the river again with the road on our other side again always the same the river's louder than it was rushing by with some force but who cares what does it matter life ain't fair it ain't not never it's pointless and stupid and there's only suffering and pain in people who want to hurt you you can't love nothing or no one cause it'll all be taken away or ruined and you'll be left alone and constantly having a fight constantly having to run just to stay alive there's nothing good in this life not nothing good nowhere what's the effing point the point is viola says stopping halfway through a dense patch of scrub to hit me really hard on the shoulder he cared enough about you to maybe sacrifice himself and if you just give up she shouts that part then you're saying that the sacrifice is worth nothing ow i say rubbing my shoulder but why should he have to sacrifice himself why should i have to lose him again she steps up close to me do you think you're the only person who's lost someone she says in a dangerous whisper do you forget that my parents are dead too i did i did forget i don't say nothing all i've got now is you she says her voice still angry and all you've got now is me and i'm mad ben left too and i'm mad my parents died and i'm mad we ever thought of coming to this planet in the first place but that's how it is and it sucks that it's just us but we can't do anything about it i still don't say nothing but there she is and i look at her really look at her for probably the first time since i saw her cowering next to a log back in the swamp when i thought she was a spackle a lifetime ago she still kind of cleaned up from the days in carbonell downs only yesterday only just yesterday but there's dirt on her cheeks and she's skinnier than she used to be and there are dark patches under her eyes and her hair is messy and tangled and her hands are covered in blackness and her shirt has a green stain of grass across the front from when she once fell and there's a cut on her lip from when a branch smacked her when we were running with ben and no bandages left to stitch it up and she's looking at me and she's telling me she's all i've got and then i'm all she's got and i feel a little bit how that feels the colors in my noise go different her voice softens but only a little ben's gone and manches gone and my mother and father are gone she says and i hate all of that i hate it but we're almost at the end of the road we're almost there and if you don't give up i don't give up do you believe there's hope at the end i ask no she says simply looking away no i don't but i'm still going she eyes me you coming with i don't have to answer we go on running but we should just take the road i say holding back yet another branch but the army she says and the horses they know where we're going we know where they're going we all seem to have taken the same route to get to haven and we'll hear them coming she agrees and the roads fastest the roads fastest and she says then let's just take the effing road and get ourselves to haven i smile a little you said effin i say you actually said the word effin so we take the effing road as fast as our tiredness will let us it's still the same dusty twisty sometimes muddy river road that it was all those miles and miles ago and the same leafy tree filled new world all around us if you were just landing here and didn't know nothing about nothing you really might think it was eden after all a wide valley is opening up around us flat at the bottom where the river is but distant hills beginning to climb up on either side the hills are lit only by moonlight no sign of distant settlements or anyway of ones with lights still burning no sign of haven ahead neither but we're at the flattest point of the valley and can't see much past the twists in the road either before us or back forest still covers both sides of the river and you'd be tempted to think that all of new world had closed up and everyone left leaving just this road behind them we go on and on not till the first stripes of dawn start appearing down the valley in front of us do we stop to take on more water we drink there's only my noise and the river rushing by no hoof beats no other noise you know this means he succeeded bila says not meat in my eye whatever he did he stopped the man on the horse i just um and nod and we never heard gunshots i hm and not again i'm sorry for shouting at you before she says i just wanted you to keep going i didn't want you to stop i know we're leaning against a pair of trees by the riverbank the road is to our backs and across the river is just trees and the far side of the valley rises up and then only the sky above getting lighter and more blue and bigger and emptier until even the stars start leaving it when we left on the scout ship bila says looking up across the river with me i was really upset leaving my friends behind just a few kids from the other caretaker families but still i thought i'd be the only one my age on this planet for seven whole months i drink some water i didn't have friends back in prentiss town she turns to me what do you mean no friends you had to have friends i had a few for a while boys a couple of months older than me but when boys become men they stopped talking to boys i shrug i was the last boy in the end it was just me and manchy gazes up into the fading stars it's a stupid rule it is we don't say nothing more just me and viola by the riverside resting ourselves as another dawn comes just me and her we stir after a minute get ourselves ready to go again we could reach haven by tomorrow i say if we keep on going tomorrow violent nods i hope there's food it's her turn to carry the bag so i hand it to her and the sun is peeking up over the end of the valley where it looks like the river's running right into it and as the light hits the hills across the river from us something catches my eye violet turns immediately at the spark in my noise what i shield my eyes from the new sun there's a little trail of dust rising from the top of the far hills and it's moving what is that i say vila fishes out the bionx and looks through them i can't see clearly she says trees in the way someone traveling maybe that's the other road the fork we didn't take we watch for a minute or two as the dust trail keeps rising heading toward haven at the slow speed of a distant cloud it's weird seeing it without any sound i wish i knew where the army was i say how far they were behind us maybe carbonell downs put up too good a fight viala points the binox up river to see the way we came but it's too flat too twisty all there is to be seen is trees trees and sky and quiet and a silent trail of dust making its way along the far hilltops we should go i say i'm starting to feel a little spooked let's go then vila says quiet like back on the road back to the life of running we have no food with us so breakfast is a yellow fruit that viola spies on some trees we pass that she swears she ate in carbonell downs they become lunch too but it's better than nothing i think again of the knife at my back could i hunt if there was time but there ain't no time we run past midday and into afternoon the world is still abandoned and spooky just me and viola running along the valley bottom no settlements to be seen no caravans or carts no other sound loud enough to be heard over the russian of the river getting bigger by the hour to the point where it's hard to even hear my noise where even if we want to talk we have to raise our voices but we're too hungry to talk and too tired to talk and running too much to talk and so on we go and i find myself watching viola the trail of dust on the far hilltop follows us as we run pulling ahead slowly as the day gets older and finally disappearing in the distance and i watch her checking it as we hurry on i watch her run next to me flinching at the aches in her legs i watch her rub them when we rest and watch her when she drinks from the water bottles now that i've seen her i can't stop seeing her she catches me what nothing i say and i look away because i don't know either the river and the road have straightened out as the valley gets steeper and closer on both sides we can see a little bit back the way we came no army yet no horsemen neither the quiet is almost scarier than if there was noise everywhere dusk comes the sun's setting in the valley behind us setting over wherever the army might be and whatever's left of new world back there whatever's happened to the men who fought against the army and the men who joined whatever's happened to the women viola runs in front of me i watch her run just after nightfall we finally come to another settlement another one with docks on the river another one abandoned there are only five houses in total along a little strip of the road one with what looks like a small general store tacked onto the front hold on violet says stopping dinner i say catching my breath she nods it takes about six kicks to open the door of the general store and though there clearly ain't no one here at all i still look round expecting to be punished inside it's mostly cans but we find a dry loaf of bread some bruised fruit and a few strips of dried meat these aren't more than a day or two old vila says twixed mouthfuls they must have fled to haven yesterday or the day before rumors of an army are a powerful thing i say not chewing my dried meat well enough before i swallow and coughing up a little bit of it we fill our bellies as best we can and i shoved the rest of the food into viala's bag now hanging around my shoulders i see the book when i do still there still wrapped in its plastic bag still with a knife-shaped slash all the way through it i reach in through the plastic bag rubbing my fingers across the cover it's soft to the touch and the binding still gives off a faint whiff of leather the book mama's book it's come all the way with us survived its own injury just like us i look up at vila she catches me again what she says nothing i put the book back in the bag with the food let's go back on the road back down the river back toward haven this should be our last night you know bila says if dr snow was right we'll be there tomorrow yeah i say and the world will change again again i agree we go on a few more paces you starting to feel hope viola asks her voice curious no i say fuddling my noise you her eyebrows are up but she shakes her head no no but we're going anyway oh yeah bila says hell or high water it'll probably be both i say the sun sets the moons rise again smaller crescents than the night before the sky is still clear the stars still up the world still quiet just the rush of the river getting steadily louder midnight comes fifteen days fifteen days till to what we carry on through the night the sky fallen slowly past us our words stopping a little as dinner wears off and tiredness takes hold again just before dawn we find two overturned carts in the road grains of wheat spilled everywhere and a few empty baskets rolled on their sides across the road they didn't even take the time to save everything bila says they left half of it on the ground go to places any for breakfast i flip over one of the baskets drag it over to where the road overlooks the river and sit down on it viola picks up another basket brings it over right next to me and sits down there are glimmers of light in the sky as the sun gets set to rise the road pointing right toward it the river two rushing toward the dawn i open the bag and take out the general store food hand in some devila and eating what i've got we drink from the water bottles the bag is open on my lap there are our remaining clothes and there are the binocs and there's the book again i feel her silence next to me feel the pull of it on me and the hollows in my chest and stomach and head and i remember the ache i used to feel when she got too close how it felt like grief how it felt like a loss like i was falling falling into nothing how it clenched me up and made me want to weep made me actually weep but now now not so much i look over to her she's gotta know what's in my noise i'm the only one around and she's got better and better at reading it despite how loud the river is getting but she sits there quietly eating waiting for me to say waiting for me to ask because this is what i'm thinking when the sun comes up it'll be the day we get to haven the day we get to a place filled with more people than i've ever seen together in my life a place filled with so much noise you can't never be alone unless they found a cure in which case i'll be the only noisy one which would actually be worse we get to haven we'll be part of a city it won't just be todd and viola sitting by a river as the sun comes up eating our breakfast the only two people on the face of the planet it'll be everyone all together this might be our last chance i look away from her to speak you know that thing with voices that you do yeah she says quiet i take out the book do you think you could do apprentice town voice 38 i heard a maiden call my dearest todd vila reads copying ben's accent as best she can which is pretty ruddy good my dearest son my ma's voice my my speaking i crossed my arms and looked down into the wheat spilled across the ground i begin this journal on the day of your birth the day i first held you in my arms rather than in my belly you kick just as much outside as in and you're the most beautiful thing that's ever happened in the whole entire universe you're easily the most beautiful thing on new world and there's no contest in new elizabeth that's for sure i feel my face getting red but the sun's still not high enough for anyone to see i wish your paw were here to see you todd but new world and the lord above saw fit to take him with the sickness five months ago and we'll both just have to wait to see him in the next world you look like him well babies don't look much like anything but babies but i'm telling you you look like him you're going to be tall todd because your paw was tall you're going to be strong because your power is strong and you're going to be handsome oh are you ever going to be handsome the ladies of new world won't know what hit them viola turns a page and i don't look at her i sense she's not looking at me neither and i wouldn't want to see a smile on her face right about now because that weird thing's happening too her words are not her words and they're coming out of her mouth sounding like a lie but making a new truth creating a different world where my ma is talking directly to me viola speaking with a voice not her own and the world for a little while at least the world is all for me the world's being made just for me let me tell you about the place you've been born into son it's called new world and it's a whole planet made entirely of hope viola stops just for a second then carries on we landed here almost exactly ten years ago looking for a new way of life one clean and simple and honest and good one different from old world in all respects where people could live in safety and peace with god as our god and with love for our fellow man there have been struggles i won't begin this story to you with a lie todd it ain't been easy here oh listen to me writing down ain't when addressing my son that's settler life for you i suppose not much time for niceties and it's easy to sink to the level of people who revel and squander in their manners but there's not much harm in ain't surely okay that's decided then my first bad choice as a mother say ain't all you like todd i promise not to correct you viola purses her lips but i don't say nothing so she continues so there's been hardship and sickness on new world and in new elizabeth there's something called the noise here on this planet that men have been struggling with since we landed but the strange thing is you'll be one of the boys in the settlement who won't know any different and so it'll be hard to explain to you what life was like before and why it's so difficult now but we're managing the best we can a man called david prentice who's got a son just a bit older than you todd and who's one of our better organizers i believe he was a caretaker on the ship over if memory serves me correct biola pauses at this too but this time it's me who waits for her to say something she don't he convinced jessica elizabeth our mayor to found this little settlement on the far side of an enormous swamp so that the noise of the rest of the new world can't never reach us unless we allow it to it's still noisy as anything here new elizabeth but at least it's people we know at least it's people we trust for the most part my role here is that i farm several fields of wheat up north of the settlement since your pa passed our close friends ben and killian have been helping me out since theirs is the next farm over i can't wait for you to meet them well wait you already have they've already held you and said hello so look at that one day in the world and you've already made two friends it's a good way to start son in fact i'm sure you'll do fine because you came out two weeks early clearly you decided you'd had enough and wanted to see what this world had to offer you i can't blame you the sky is so big and blue and the trees so green and this is a world where the animals talk to you really talk and you can even talk back and there's so much wonder to be had so much just waiting for you todd that i almost can't stand that it's not happening for you right now that you're gonna have to wait to see all that's possible all the things you might do viola takes a breath and says there's a break in the page here in a little space and then it says later like she got interrupted she looks up at me you okay yeah yeah i nod real fast my arms still crossed go on it's getting lighter the sun truly coming up i turn away from her a little she reads later sorry son had to stop for a minute for a visit from our holy man aaron another pause another lick of the lips we've been lucky to have him though i must admit of late he's not been saying things i exactly agree with about the natives of new world which are called the spackle by the way and which were a big surprise since they were so shy at first neither the original planners back on old world or our first scout ships even knew they were here they're very sweet creatures different and maybe primitive and no spoken or written language that we can really find but i don't agree with some of the thinking of the people here that the spackle are animals rather than intelligent beings and aaron's been preaching lately about how god has made a dividing line twixt us and them and well that's not really something to discuss on your first day is it aaron believes what he believes devoutly has been a pillar of faith for all of us these long years and should anyone find this journal and read it let me say here for the record that it was a privilege to have him come by and bless you on your first day of life okay but i will say also on your first day that the attractiveness of power is something you should learn about before you get too much older it's the thing that separates men from boys though not in the way most men think and that's all i'll say prying eyes and all that oh son there's so much wonder in the world don't let no one tell you otherwise yes life has been hard here on new world and i'll even admit to you here cuz if i'm going to start out at all it has to be an honest start i'll tell you that i was nearly given to despair things in the settlement are maybe more complicated than i can quite explain right now and there's things you'll learn for yourself before too long whether i like it or not and there have been difficulties with food and with sickness and it was hard enough even before i lost your power and i nearly gave up but i didn't give up i didn't give up cause of you my beautiful beautiful boy my wondrous son who might make something better of this world who i promise to raise only with love and hope and who i swear will see this world come good i swear it because when i held you for the first time this morning and fed you from my own body i felt so much love for you it was almost like pain almost like i couldn't stand it one second longer but only almost and i sang to you a song that my mother sang to me and her mother sang to her and it goes and here amazingly viola sings actually sings my skin goes goose pimply my chest crushes she must have heard the whole tune in my noise and of course ben singing it because here it comes rolling out of her mouth like the peel of a bell the voice of viola making the world into the voice of my ma singing the song early one morning just as the sun was rising i heard a maiden call from the valley below oh don't deceive me oh never leave me how could you use a poor maiden soul i can't look at her i can't look at her i put my hands to my head and it's a sad song todd but it's also a promise i'll never deceive you and i'll never leave you and i promise you this so you can one day promise it to others and know that it's true oh ha todd that's you crying that's you crying from your cot waking up from your first sleep on your first day waking up and asking the world to come to you and so forth today i have to put this aside you're calling for me son and i will answer violence stops and there's only the river in my noise there's more vila says after a while when i don't raise my head she flips through the pages there's a lot more she looks at me do you want me to read more she looks back at the book do you want me to read the end the end read the last thing mama wrote in the last days before no i say quickly you're calling for me son and i will answer in my noise forever no i say again let's leave it there for now and i glance over at viola and i see that her face is pulled as sad as my noise feels her eyes are wet and her chin shakes just barely just a tremble in the dawn sunlight she sees me watching feeling my noise watching her and she turns away to face the river and there in that morning in that new sunrise i realized something i realized something important so important that as it dawns fully i have to stand up i know what she's thinking i know what she's thinking even looking at her back i know what she's thinking and feeling and what's going on inside her the way she's turned her body the way she's holding her head and her hands and the book in her lap the way she's stiffening a little in her back as she hears all this in my noise i can read it i can read her because she's thinking about how her own parents also came here with hope like my ma she's wondering if the hope at the end of our road is just as false as the one that was at the end of my ma's and she's taking the words of my ma and putting them into the mouths of her own ma and pa and hearing them say that they love her and they miss her and they wish her the world and she's taken the song of my mind she's weaving it into everything else till it becomes a sad thing all her own and it hurts her but it's an okay hurt but it hurts still but it's good but it hurts she hurts i know all this i know it's true cause i can read her i can read her noise even though she ain't got none i know who she is i know viola eid i raise my hands to the side of my head to hold it all in behila i whisper my voice shaking i know she says quietly pulling her arms tight around her still facing away from me and i look at her sitting there and she looks across the river and we wait as the dawn fully arrives each of us knowing each of us knowing the other 39 the falls the sun creeps up into the sky and the river is loud as we look across it and we can now see it rushing fast down toward the valley's end throwing up white water and rapids it's viola who breaks the spell that's fallen twixed us you know what it has to be don't you she says she takes out the binox and looks downriver the sun is rising at the end of the valley she has to shield the lenses with her hand what is it i say she presses a button or two and looks again what do you see i ask she hands the binocs to me i look down river following the rapids the foam right to right to the end a few miles away the river ends in midair another falls i say looks way bigger than the one we saw with wealth she says the road will find a way past it i say shouldn't bother us that's not what i mean what then i mean she says frown in a bit at my denseness that falls that big are bound to have a city at the bottom of them that if you had to choose a place anywhere on a planet for a first settlement then a valley at the base of a waterfall with rich farmland and ready water might just look perfect from space my noise rises a little but only a little cause who would dare to think haven i say i'll bet you anything we found it she says i'll bet you when we get to that waterfall we'll be able to see it below us if we run i say we could be there in an hour less than she looks me in the eye for the first time since my mom's book and she says if we run and then she smiles a genuine smile and i know what that means too we grab a few things and go faster than before my feet are tired and sore hers must be too i've got blisters and aches and my heart hurts from all i miss and all that's gone and hers does too but we run boy do we run cause maybe shut up just maybe don't think it maybe there really is hope at the end of the road the river grows wider and straighter as we rush on and the walls of the valley moving closer and closer the one on our side getting so close the edge of the road starts to slope up spray from the rapids is floating in the air our clothes get wet our faces two and hands the roar becomes thunderous filling up the world with itself almost like a physical thing but not in a bad way like it's washing you like it's washing the noise away and i think please let haven be at the bottom of the falls please because i see viola looking back at me as we run and there's brightness on her face and she keeps urging me on with tilts of her head and smiles and i think how hope may be the thing that pulls you forward maybe the thing that keeps you going but that it's dangerous too that it's painful and risky that it's making a dare to the world and when has the world ever let us win a dare please let haven be there oh please oh please oh please the road finally starts rising a bit pulling up above the river slightly as the water starts really crashing through rocky rapids there ain't no more wooded parts twixt us and it now at all just a hill climbing up steeper and steeper on our right side as the valley closes in and then nothing but river and the falls ahead almost there bayla calls from ahead of me running her hair bouncing off the back of her neck the sun shining down on everything and then and then at the edge of the cliff the road comes to a lip and takes a sudden angle down and to the right and that's where we stop the falls are huge half a mile across easy the water roars over the cliff in a violent white foam sending spray hundreds of feet out into the sheer drop and above and all around soaking us in our clothes and throwing rainbows all over the place as the rising sun lights it todd vila says so faintly i can barely hear it but i don't need to i know what she means as soon as the falls start falling the valley opens up wide as the sky itself taking the river that starts again at the base of the falls it crashes forward with white water before it pools and calms down and becomes a river again and flows into haven haven gotta be spread out below us like a table full of food there it is vila says and i feel her fingers wrap around my own the falls to our left spray and rainbows in the sky the sun rising ahead of us the valley below and a haven sitting waiting it's three maybe four miles away down the farther valley but there it is there it really well is a look around us rounder where the road has taken a sharp turn at our feet sloping down and cutting into the valley wall to our right but then zigzagging its way steeply down in a twisty pattern so even it's like a zipper running down the hillside to where it picks up the river again and follows it right into haven i want to see it viola says letting go of my hand and taking out the binox she looks through them wipes spray off the lenses and looks some more it's beautiful she says and that's all she says and she just looks and wipes off more spray after a minute and without saying nothing more she hands me the binocs and i get my first look at haven the spray is so thick even wiping it down you can't see details like people or anything but there are all kinds of different buildings mostly surrounding what looks like a big church at the center but other big buildings too and real roads curling out of the middle through trees to more groups of buildings there's got to be at least fifty buildings in all maybe a hundred it's the biggest thing i've ever seen in my entire life i've gotta say viola shouts it's kinda smaller than i expected but i don't really hear her with the binox i follow the river road back from it and i see what's probably a roadblock with what might be a fortified fence running away from it and to either side they're getting ready i say they're getting ready to fight viola looks at me worried you think it's big enough you think we're safe depends on if the rumors of the army are true or not i look behind us by instinct as if the army was just waiting there for us to move on i look up the valley hill next to us could be a good view let's find out i say we run back down the roadways looking for a good climbing spot find one and make our way up my legs feel light as i climb my nose clear than it's been in days i'm sad for ben i'm sad for killian i'm sad for manche i'm sad for what's happened to me and vila but ben was right there's hope at the bottom of the biggest waterfall and maybe it don't hurt so much after all we climb up through the trees the hill is steep above the river and we have to pull on vines and hang onto rocks to make our way up high enough to look back down the road till the valley is stretching out beneath us i still have the binocs and i look down river and down the road and over the treetops i keep having to wipe spray away i look can you see them viola asks i look the river getting smaller into the far distance back and back and back no i say i look and again and there down in the deepest curve of the road in the deepest part of the valley in farther shadow against the rising sun there they are a mass that's got to be the army marching its way forward so far away i can only tell it's them at all because it looks like dark water flowing into a dry riverbed it's hard to get detail at this distance so i can't see individual men and i don't think i can see horses just a mass a mass porn itself down the road how big is it she asks how big is it grown i don't know i say three hundred four i don't know we're too far to really i stop we're too far to really tell i crack a smile miles and miles we beat them vilas says a smile coming too we ran and they chased us and we beat them we'll get to haven and we'll warn whoever's in charge i say talking faster my noise rising with excitement but they've got battle lines and the approach is real narrow and the armies at least the rest of the day away maybe even tonight too and i swear that can't be a thousand men i swear it but viola's smiling the tiredest happiest smile i ever saw she takes my hand again we beat them but then the risks of hope rise again and my noise graze a little well we ain't there yet and we don't know if haven can but she's shaking her head nuh uh she says we beat them you listen to me and you be happy todd hewitt we spent all this time out running an army and guess what we outran them she looks at me smiling expecting something from me my noise is buzzing and happy and warm and tired and relieved and a little bit worried still but i'm thinking that maybe she's right maybe we did win and maybe i should put my arms around her if it didn't feel weird and i find that in the middle of it all i do actually agree with her we beat him i say and then she does stick her arms around me and pulls tight like we might fall down and we just stand there on the wet hillside and breathe for a little bit she smells a little less like flowers but it's okay and i look out and the falls are below us charging away and haven glitters through the sunlit spray and the sun is shining down the length of the river above the falls lighten it up like a snake made of metal i let my noise bubble with little sparks of happy and my gaze flow back along the length of the river and no every muscle in my body jolts what bala says jumping back she whips her head round to where i'm looking what she says again and then she sees no she says no it can't be coming down the river is a boat close enough to see without binocs close enough to see the rifle and the robe close enough to see the scars and the righteous anger rolling his way furiously toward us coming like judgment itself aaron 40 the sacrifice has he seen us viola asks her voice pulled taut i point the binox aaron rears up in them huge and terrifying i press a few buttons to push him back he's not looking at us just rowing like an engine to get the boat to the side of the river and the road his face is torn and horrible clotted and bloody the hole in his cheek the new hole where his nose used to be and still underneath all that a look ferocious and devouring look without mercy a look that won't stop that won't never never stop war makes monsters a man i hear ben saying there's a monster coming toward us i don't think he's seen us i say not yet can we outrun him he's got a gun i say and you can see all the way down that road to haven off the road then through the trees there ain't that many twix dust on the road down we'll have to be fast i can be fast she says and we jump on down the hill skidding on leaves and wet vines using rocks as hand holds as best we can the tree cover is light and we can still see down the river see aaron as he rose which means he can see us if he looks in the right place hurry bila says down and down and sliding to the road and squelching in the mud at the roadside and as we get to the road he's out of sight again still up the river but only for a second because there he is the current bringing him fast coming down the river in full view looking right at us the roar of the falls is loud enough to eat you but i still hear it i'd hear it if i was on the other side of the planet todd hewitt and he's reaching for his rifle go i shout vila's feet hit the ground running and i'm right behind her heading for the lip of the road that goes down to the zigzags it's 15 steps maybe 20 till we can disappear over the edge we run like we've spent the last two weeks resting pound pound pound against the road i check back over my shoulder to see air and try to take the rifle in one hand try to balance it while keeping the boat steady it's bouncing in the rapids knocking him back and forth he won't be able to i yell to viola he can't row and fire at the same crack a pop of mud flies up out of the road next to vila's feet ahead of me i cry out and viola cries out and we both instinctively flinch down running faster and faster pound pound pound run run run run run my noise chugs like a rocket not looking back five steps run run three crack and bila falls no i'll shout and she's falling over the lip of the road tripping down the other side and crashing down in a roll no i shout again and leap after her stumbling down the steep incline pounding down to where she's rolling no not this not now not when we're please no and she tumbles to some low shrubs at the side of the road and keeps going into them and stops face down and i'm racing toward her and i'm barely in control of my own standing up and i'm kneeling down already in the brush and i'm grabbing her and rolling her over and i'm looking for the blood in the shot and i'm saying no no no no no and i'm almost blinded by rage and despair and the false promise of hope and no no no and she opens her eyes she's opening her eyes and she's grabbing me and she's saying i'm not hit i'm not hit you're not i say shaking her a little you're sure i just fell she says i swear i felt the bullet fly right by my eyes and i fell i'm not hurt and i'm breathing heavy and heavy and heavy thank god i say thank god and the world spins and my noise whirls and she's already getting to her feet and i'm up after her standing in the scrub and looking at the road around and below us the falls are crashing over the cliff to our left and the twisting road is both behind us and in front of us as it starts doubling back on itself and making the steep zipper down to the bottom of the falls it's a clear shot all the way no trees just low scrub he'll pick us off viola says looking back up to the top of the road to where we can't see aaron no doubt making his way to the river's edge stomping through roaring water walking on it for all i know todd hewitt we're here again faint over the roar of the water but loud as the whole entire universe there's nowhere to hide biola says looking around us and down until we get to the bottom i'm looking around too the hillsides are too steep the road too open the areas between the roads double backs too shallow with shrubs nowhere to hide todd hear it bala points up we could get up to those trees on the top of the hill but it's too steep i can already hear the hope failing in her voice and i spin round looking still and then i see a little faint trail skinny as anything hardly even there leading away from the first turn of the road and toward the falls it disappears after a few feet but i follow it to where it might have gone right to the cliff side right down sharp to a place almost below the falls right to a ledge that's almost hidden a ledge underneath the waterfall itself i take a few steps out of the scrub and back onto the road the little trail disappears so does the ledge what is it viola asks i go back into the scrub again there i say pointing can you see it she squints where i'm pointing the falls are cast in a little shadow on the ledge darkening where the little trail ends you can see it from here i say but you can't see it from the road i look at her we'll hide he'll hear you she says he'll come after us not over this raw not if i don't shout my noise her forehead creases and she looks down at the road to haven and up to where aaron's gotta be coming any second we're so close she says i take her arm and start pulling on it come on just till he passes just till dark with luck he'll think we doubled back into the trees above if he finds us we're trapped and if we run for the city he shoots us i look in our eyes it's a chance it gives us a chance todd come with me i say looking right into her as hard as i can pouring out as much hope as i can muster oh never leave me i promise i'll get you to haven tonight i squeeze her arm oh don't deceive me i promise you she looks right back at me listening to it all and then gives a single sharp nod and we run to the little trail and down to where it ends and jump over the scrub to where it should continue and todd hear it he's almost to the falls and we scrabble down at steep embankment next to the edge of the water the steepness of the hill rear and above us and slide down and over to the edge of the cliff that falls straight ahead and i get to the edge and i suddenly have to lean back into viola because the drop goes straight down she grabs onto my shirt and holds me up and the water is smashing down right in front of us to the rocks below and the ledge leading under it all is just there needing to jump over emptiness to get to it i didn't see this part i say viola grabbing my waist to keep us from tumbling over todd hear it he's close he's so close no or never todd she says in my ear and she lets go of me and i jump across and i'm in the air and the edge of the falls is shooting over my head and i land and i turn and she's jumping after me and i grab her and we fall backward onto the ledge together and we lay there breathing and listening and all we hear for a second is the roar of the water over us now and then faint against it all todd hear it and he suddenly sounds miles away and viola's on top of me and i'm breathing heavy into her face and she's breathing heavy into mine and we're looking in each other's eyes and it's too loud to hear my noise after a second she puts her hands on either side of me and pushes herself away she looks up as she does and her eyes go wide i can just hear her say wow i roll away and look up wow the ledge is more than just a little ledge it carries on till it's back way back under the waterfall we're standing at the beginning of a tunnel with one wall made of rock and another made of pure fallen water roaring past white and clean and so fast it looks almost solid come on i say and head on down the ledge my shoes slipping and sliding under me it's rocky and wet and slimy and we lean as close as we can to the rock side away from the thunder and water the noise is just tremendous all consuming like a real thing you could taste and touch so loud noise is obliterated so loud it's the quietest i've ever felt we scramble on down the ledge under the falls making our way over rocky bumps in little pools with green goop grown in them there are roots too hanging down from the rocks above belonging to who knows what kind of plant do these look like steps to you bala shouts her voice small in the roar todd hewitt we hear from what sounds like a million miles away is he finding us vila asks i don't know i say i don't think so the cliff face isn't even and the ledge curves rounded as it stretches forward we're both soaking wet and the water is cold and it's not easy grabbing onto the roots to keep our balance then the ledge suddenly drops down and widens out carved steps becoming more obvious it's almost a stairway down someone's been here before we descend the water thunder in inches away from us we get to the bottom whoa viola says behind me then i just know she's looking up the tunnel opens up abruptly and the ledge widens at the same time to become a cavern made of water the rocks stretching up way over our heads the falls slamming down past them in a wall curving way out like a moving living sail enclosing the wall and the shelf under our feet but that's not the woe it's a church i say it's a church someone has moved or carved rocks into four rows of simple pews with an aisle down the middle all facing a taller rock a pulpit a pulpit with a flat surface which a preacher could stand on and preach with a blazing white wall of water crashing down behind him the morning sun lighten it up like a sheet of stars fill in the room with shimmer and sparkles on every shiny wet surface all the way back to a carved circle in the stone with two smaller carved circles orbiting it to one side new world and its moons the settler's new home of hope and god's promise somehow painted a waterproof white and practically glowing on the rock wall looking down and lighting up the church the church underneath a waterfall it's beautiful violet says it's abandoned i say because after the first shock of finding a church i see where a few of the pews have been knocked from their places and not replaced and there's writing all over the walls some of it carved in with tools some of it written in the same waterproof paint as the new world carbon most of it nonsense pm plus m a and wills and chills forever and abandon all hope ye who something something it's kids viola says sneaking in here making it their own place yeah do kids do that back on the ship we had an unused venting duct that we snuck into she says looking around marked it up worse than this we wander in looking around us mouths open the point of the roof where the water leaves the cliff must be a good 30 feet above us and the ledge 15 feet wide easy it must have been a natural cavern i say they must have found it and thought it was some kind of miracle viola crosses her arms against herself and then they found it wasn't very practical as a church too wet i say too cold i'll bet it was when they first landed she says looking up at the white new world i'll bet it was in the first year everything hopeful and new she turns around taking it all in before reality set in i turn slowly too i can see exactly what they were thinking the way the sun hits the falls turning everything bright white and it's so loud and so silent at the same time that even without the pulpit and the pews it would have felt like we'd somehow walked into a church anyway like it'd be holy even if no man had ever seen it and then i noticed that at the end of the pews there's nothing beyond it stops and it's a hundred and fifty foot drop to the rocks below so this is where we're gonna have to wait this is where we're gonna have to hope in the church underwater todd hewitt barely drifts in down the tunnel to us vial of visibly shivers what do we do now we wait till nightfall i say sneak out and hope he don't see us i sit down on one of the stone benches viola sits down next to me she lifts the bag over her head and sets it on the stone floor what if he finds the trail she asks we hope he don't but what if he does i reach behind me and take out the knife the knife both of us look at it the white water reflecting off of it droplets of spray already catching and pulling on its blade making it shine like a little flashlight the knife we don't say nothing about it just watch it gleam in the middle of the church todd you it bila looks up to the entrance and puts her hands to her face and i can see her clench her teeth what does he even want she suddenly rages if the army is all about you what does he want with me why was he shooting at me i don't understand it crazy people don't need an explanation for nothing i say but my noise is remembering the sacrifice that i saw him making of her way back in the swamp the sign he called her a gift from god i don't know if viola hears this or if she remembers it herself because she says i don't think i'm the sacrifice what she turns to me her face perplexed i don't think it's me she says he kept me asleep almost the entire time i was with him and when i did wake up i kept seeing confusing things in his noise things that didn't make sense he's crazy i say crazier than most she don't say nothing more just looks out into the waterfall and reaches over and takes my hand god hear it i feel her hand jump right as my heart leaps that's closer she says he's getting closer he won't find us he will then we'll deal with it we both look at the knife todd hewitt he's found it she says grabbing my arm and squeezing into me not yet we were almost there she says her voice high and breaking a little almost there we'll get there todd hewitt and it's definitely louder he's found the tunnel i grip my knife and i look over at viola her face looking straight back up the tunnel so much fear on it my chest begins to hurt i grip the knife harder if he touches her and my noise reels back to the start of our journey to viola before she said anything to vila when she told me her name devila when she talked to hildy and tam to when she took on wilf's accent to when aaron grabbed her and stole her away to waking up to her in dr snow's house to her promise to ben to when she took on my mom's voice and made the whole world change just for a little while all the things we've been through how she cried when we left manche behind telling me i was all she had when i found out i could read her silence or not when i thought aaron had shot her on the road how i felt in those few terrible seconds how it would feel to lose her the pain and the unfairness and the injustice the rage and how i wished it was me i look at the knife in my hand and i realize she's right i realize what's been right all along as insane as it is she's not the sacrifice she's not if one of us falls we all fall i'll know what he wants i say standing up what viola says todd hewitt definitely coming down the tunnel now nowhere to run he's coming she stands too and i move myself twixt her in the tunnel get down behind one of the pews i say hide todd i move away from her my hands stay in on her arm till i'm too far away where are you going she says her voice tightening i look back the way we came up the tunnel of water he'll be here any second todd hewitt he'll see you she says i hold up the knife in front of me the knife that's caused so much trouble the knife that holds so much power todd viola says what are you doing i turn to her he won't hurt you i say not when he knows i know what he wants what does he want i search her out standing among the pews the white planet and moons glowing down on her the water shining watery light over her a search out her face and the language of her body as she stands there watching me and i find i still know who she is that she's still viola eid that silent don't mean empty that it never meant empty i look right into her eyes i'm gonna greet him like a man i say and even though it's too loud for her to hear my noise even though she can't read my thoughts she looks back at me and i see her understand she pulls herself up a little taller i'm not hiding she says if you're not i'm not and that's all i need a nod ready i ask she looks at me she nods once firmly i turn back to the tunnel i close my eyes i take a deep breath and with every bit of air in my lungs and every last note of noise in my head i rear up and i shout as loud as i can aaron and i open my eyes and i wait for him to come 41 if one of us falls i see his feet first slipping down the steps some but not hurrying taking his time now that he knows we're here i hold the knife in my right hand my left hand out and ready too i stand in the aisle of the little pews as much in the center of the church as i can get bile is back behind me a bit down one of the roads i'm ready i realize i am ready everything that's happened has brought me here to this place with this knife in my hand and something worth saving someone and if it's a choice twixt her and him there is no choice and the army can go f itself and so i'm ready as i'll ever be because i know what he wants come on i say under my breath aaron's legs appear then his arms one carrying the rifle the other holding his balance against the wall and then his face his terrible terrible face half torn away the gash in his cheek showing his teeth the hole where his nose used to be open and gaping making him look barely human and he's smiling which is when i feel all the fear todd hewitt he says almost as a greeting i raise my voice over the water willing it not to shake you can put the rifle down aaron oh can i now he says his eyes widening taking in vila behind me i don't look back at her but i know she's facing aaron i know she's given him all the bravery she's got and that makes me stronger i know what you want i say i figured it out have you young todd aaron says and i see he can't help himself he looks into my noise the little he can hear over the roar she's not the sacrifice i say he says nothing just takes the first steps into the church eyes glancing up at the cross and the pews and the pulpit and i'm not the sacrifice neither i say his evil smile draws wider a new tear opens up at the edge of his gash blood waving down and in the spray a clever mind is a friend of the devil he says which i think is his way of saying i'm right i steady my feet and turn with him as he steps round toward the pulpit half of the church the half near the edge it's you i say the sacrifice is you and i open my noise as loud as it'll go so that both he and viola can see i'm telling the truth because the thing ben showed me back when i left our farm the way that a boy in prentiss town becomes a man the reason that boys who become men don't talk to boys who are still boys the reason that boys who've become man are complicit in the crimes apprentice town is it's and i make myself say it it's by killing another man all by themselves all those men who disappeared who tried to disappear they didn't disappear after all mr royal my old school teacher who took to whiskey and shot himself didn't shoot himself he was shot by seb mundy on his 13th birthday made to stand alone and pull the trigger as the rest of the men apprentice town watched mr galt whose sheep flock we took over when he disappeared two winters ago only tried to disappear he was found by may apprentice running away through the swamp and may apprentice was true to his agreement with the law of new world and executed him only he did it by wait until mr prentice junior's 13th birthday and having his son torture mr galt to death without the help of no one else and so on and so on man i knew killed by boys i knew to become men their sails if the mayor's men had a captured escapee hidden away for a boy's 13th then fine if not they just take someone from prentice town who they didn't like and say he disappeared one man's life was given over to a boy to end all on his own a man dies a man is born everyone complicit everyone guilty except me oh my god i hear viola say but i was going to be different wasn't i i say you were the last todd hewitt aaron says the final soldier in god's perfect army i don't think god's got nothing to do with your army i say put down the rifle i know what i have to do but are you a messenger todd he asks cocking his head pulling his impossible smile wider are you a deceiver read me i say read me if you don't believe i can do it he's at the pulpit now facing me down the center aisle reaching out his noise over the sound of the falls pushing it toward me grabbing at what he can and the sacrifice and god's perfect work and the martyrdom of the saint i hear perhaps young todd he says and he sets the rifle down on the pulpit i swallow and grip the knife harder but he looks over at viola and laughs a little laugh no he says little girls will try to take advantage won't they and almost casually he tosses the rifle off the ledge into the waterfall it goes so fast we don't even see it disappear but it's gone and so there's just me and aaron and the knife he opens his arms and i realize he's assuming his preacher's pose the one from his own pulpit back in princess town he leans against the pulpit stone here and holds his palms up and raises his eyes to the wide shining roof of water above us his lips move silently he's praying you're crazy i say he looks at me i'm blessed you want me to kill you wrong todd hewitt he says taking a step forward down the aisle toward me hate is the key hate is the driver hate is the fire that purifies the soldier the soldier must hate he takes another step i don't want you to kill me he says i want you to murder me i take a step back the smile flickers perhaps the boy promises bigger than he can deliver why i say stepping back some more violent moves back too behind and around me underneath the carving of new world why are you doing this what possible sense does this make god has told me my path he says i've been here for almost 13 years i say and the only thing i ever heard was man god works through man aaron says so does evil viola says ah and says it speaks words of temptation to love shut up i say don't you talk to her i'm past the back row of pews now i move to my right aaron follows till we're moving in a slow circle aaron's hands still out my knife's still up violet keeping behind me the spray covering everything the room slowly turns around us the ledge still slippery the wall of water shining white with the sun and the roar the constant roar you were the final test aaron says the last boy the one that completes us with you in the army there's no weak link we would be truly blessed if one of us falls we all fall todd and all of us have to fall he clenches his fists and looks up again so we can be reborn so we can take this cursed world and remake it in i wouldn't have done it i say and he scowls at the interruption i wouldn't have killed anyone ah yes todd hewitt aaron says and that's why you're so very very special ain't you the boy who can't kill i sneak a glance back at viola off to my side a little we're still going around in a little circle and viola and i are reaching the side with a tunnel in it but god demands a sacrifice aaron says god demands a martyr and who better for the special boy to kill than god's very own mouthpiece i don't think god tells you nothing i say though i can't believe he wants you dead aaron's eyes go so crazy and empty i get a chill i'll be a saint he says a small fire burning in his voice it is my destiny he's reached the end of the aisle and is following us past the last row of benches bayla and i are backing up still almost to the tunnel but how to motivate the boy aaron continues eyes like holes how to bring him into manhood and his noise opens up to me loud as thunder my eyes widen my stomach sinks to my feet my shoulders hunched down as i feel weakness on me i can see it it's a fantasy a lie but the lies of men are as vivid as their truths and i can see every bit of it he was going to murder ben that's how he was going to force me to kill him that's how they would have done it to perfect their army and make me a killer they were going to murder ben and make me watch make me hate enough to kill aaron my noise starts to rumble loud enough to hear you effing piece of but then god sent a sign aaron says looking at vila his eyes even wider now the blood pouring from the gash the hole where his nose used to be stretch and taut the girl he says a gift from the heavens don't you look at her i yell don't you even look at her aaron turns back to me the smile still there yes todd yes he says that's your path that's the path you'll take the boy with a soft heart the boy who couldn't kill what would he kill for who would he protect another step back another step near the tunnel and when her cursed evil silence polluted our swamp i thought god had sent me a sacrifice to make myself one last example of the evil that hides itself which i could destroy and purify he his head but then her true purpose was revealed he looks at her and back at me todd hewitt would protect the helpless she ain't helpless i say and then you ran and's eyes widened as if in false amazement you ran rather than fulfill your destiny he lifts his eyes to the church again thereby making victory over you all the sweeter you ain't one yet i say haven't i he smiles again come todd come to me with hate in your heart i will i say i'll do it but another step back you've been near before young todd aaron says in the swamp the knife raised me killing the girl but no you hesitate you injure but you do not kill and then i steal her from you and you hunted down as i knew you would suffering from the wound i gave you but again not enough you sacrifice your beloved dog rather than see her come to harm you let me break his very body rather than serve your true purpose you shut up i say he holds his palms up to me here i am todd he says fulfill your purpose become a man he lowers his head till his eyes are looking up at me fall i curl my lip i stand up straighter i already am a man i say and my noise says it too he stares at me as if staring through me and then he sighs like he's disappointed not yet a man he says his face changing perhaps not ever i don't step back pity he says and he leaps at me todd viola yells run i scream but i'm not stepping back i'm moving forward and the fight is on i'm charging at him and he's throwing himself at me and i'm holding the knife but at the last second i leap to the side letting him slam hard into the wall he whirls around facing a snarl swinging an arm round to hit me and i duck and slash at it with the knife cutting across his forearm and it don't even slow him down and he's swinging at me with his other arm and he's catching me just under the jaw knocking me back todd viola calls again i tumbled backward onto the last pew falling hard but i'm looking up aaron's turn into viola she's at the bottom of the stairs go i yell but she's got a big flat stone in her hands and launches it aaron with a grimace and an angry grunt and he ducks and tries to deflect it with one hand but it catches him across the forehead causing him to stumble away from both her and me toward the ledge toward the front of the church come on viola yells at me i scramble to my feet but aaron's turn too blood running down his face his mouth open and a yell he jumps forward like a spider grabbing viola's right arm she punches fiercely with her left hand bloodying it on his face but he don't let go i'm yelling as i fly at them knife out but again i turn it at the last minute and i just knock into him and we land on the upslope of the stairs viola falling back me on top of aaron his arms boxing my head and he reaches forward with his horrible face and takes a bite out of an exposed area on my neck i yell and jerk back punching him with a back hand as i go scooting away from him back into the church holding my neck he comes at me again his fist flying forward catching me on the eye my head jerks back i stumble through the rows of pews back to the center of the church another punch i raise my knife hand to block it but keep the knife edge sideways and he hits me again i scrabble away from him on the wet stone up the aisle toward the pulpit and a third time his fist reaches my face and i feel two teeth tear out of their roots and i nearly fall and then i do fall my back and head hitting the pulpit stone and i drop the knife it clatters away toward the edge useless as ever your nars reveals you aaron screams your nars reveals you he's stepping forward to me now standing over me from the moment i stepped into this sacred place i knew it would be thus he stops at my feet staring down on me his fist clenched and bloody with my blood his face bloody with his own you will never be a man tired hewitt never i see viola out of the corner of my eye frantically looking for more rocks i'm already a man i say but i've fallen i've dropped the knife my voice is faltering my hand over the bleeding from my neck you rob me of my sacrifice his eyes have turned to burning diamonds his nose blazing a red so fierce it's practically steaming the water away from him i will kill you he bows his head to me and you will die knowing that i killed her slowly i clench my teeth i start to pull myself to my ruddy feet come on if you're coming i growl aaron yells and takes a step toward me hand reaching out for me my face rising to meet him and viola clumps him on the side of the head with a rock she can barely lift he stumbles leaning toward the pews and catching himself and he stumbles again but he doesn't fall he doesn't ruddy fall he staggers but he stands twixt me and viola uncurling himself he's back to viola but towering over her a whole rivulet of blood spouting from the side of his head now but he's effing well tall as a nightmare he really is a monster you ain't human i say i have told you young todd he says his voice low and monstrous his noise glowing at me with a fury so pure it nearly knocks me back i am a saint he lashes his arm out in violence direction without even looking away catching a square on the eye knocking her back as she calls out and falls falls falls tripping over a pew hitting her head hard on the rocks and not rising viola i yell and i leap past him he lets me go i reach her her legs are up on the stone bench her head's on the stone floor a little stream of blood running from it viola falls falls falls tripping over a pew hitting her head hard on the rocks and not rising viola i yell and i leap past him he lets me go i reach her her legs are up on the stone bench her head's on the stone floor a little stream of blood running from it viola i say and i lift her and her head falls back viola i yell and i hear a low rumble from behind me laughter he's laughing you always going to betray her he says it was foreseen you shut up and do you know why i'll kill you he lowers his voice to a whisper but a whisper i can feel shiver through my entire body you've already fallen and my noise blazes red redder than it's ever been murderous red yes todd aaron hisses yes that's the way i lay viola gently down and i stand to face him and my hate is so big it fills the cavern come on boy he says purify yourself i look at the knife resting in a puddle of water near the ledge by the pulpit behind aaron where i dropped it i hear it calling to me take me it says take me and use me it says aaron holds open his arms murder me he says become a man never let me go says the knife i'm sorry i whisper under my breath though i don't know who to or what for i'm sorry and i leap aaron doesn't move arms open as if to embrace me i barrel into him with my shoulder he doesn't resist my noise screams red we fall past the pulpit to the ledge i'm on top of him he still doesn't resist a punches face over and over and over breaking it further breaking it into bloody messy pieces hate pouring out of me through my fists and still i pound him still i hit through the breaking of bone and the snapping of gristle and an eye crushed under my knuckles till i can no longer feel my hands and still i hit and his blood spills on me and over and the red of it matches the red of my noise and then i lean back still on him covered in his blood and he's laughing he's laughing still and he's gurgling yeah through broken teeth ears and the red rises in me and i can't hold it back and the hate and i look over at the knife just a few feet away on the ledge by the pulpit calling for me calling and this time i know this time i know i'm going to use it and i jump for it my hand outstretched my noise so red i can barely see yes says the knife yes take me take the power in your hand but another hand is there first viola and as i fall toward it there's a rush in me a rush in my noise a rush from seeing her there from seeing her alive a rush that rises higher than the red and viola i say just viola and she picks up the knife my momentum is tumbling me toward the edge and i'm turning to try and catch myself and i can see her lifting the knife and i can see her stepping forward and i'm falling into the ledge and my fingers are slipping on wet stone and i can see aaron sitting up and he's only got one eye now and it's staring at viola and she's raising the knife and she's bringing it forward and i can't stop her and aaron is trying to rise and violence moving toward him and i'm hitting the ledge with my shoulder and stopping just short of falling over and i'm watching and what's left of aaron's noise is radiating anger and fear and it's saying no it's saying not you and viola's raising her arm raising the knife and bringing it down and down and down and plunging it straight into the side of aaron's neck so hard the point comes out the other side and there's a crunch a crunch i remember aaron falls over from the force of it and viola lets go of the knife she steps back her face is white i can hear her breathing over the roar i lift myself with my hands and we watch aaron's pushing himself up he's pushing himself up one hand clawing at the knife but it stays in his neck his remaining eyes wide open his tongue lolling out of his mouth he gets to his knees and then to his feet vala cries out a little and steps back steps back till she's next to me we can hear him trying to swallow trying to breathe he steps forward but stumbles against the pulpit he looks our way his tongue swells and writhes he's trying to say something he's trying to say something to me he's trying to make a word but he can't he can't his noise is just wild colors and pictures and things i won't ever be able to say he catches my eye and his noise stops completely stops at last and gravity takes his body and he slumps sideways away from the pulpit and over the edge and disappears under the wall of water taking the knife with him 42 last road to haven vila sits down next to me so hard and fast it's like she fell there she's breathing heavy and staring into the space where aaron was the sunlight through the falls cast waves of watery light over her face but that's the only thing on it that moves viala i say leaping up into a squat next to her he's gone she says yeah i say he's gone and she just breathes my noise is rattling like a crashing spaceship full of reds and whites and things so different it's like my head is being pulled apart i would have done it i would have done it for her but instead i would have done it i say i was ready to do it she looks at me her eyes wide todd i would have killed him myself i find my voice rising a little i was ready to do it and then a chin starts shaking not as if she's gonna cry but actually shaken and then her shoulders too and her eyes are getting wider and she's shaking harder and nothing leaves my nose and it's all still there but something else enters it and it's for her and i grab her and hold her to me and we rock back and forth for a while so she can just shake all she wants to she don't speak for a long time just makes little moaning sounds in her throat and i remember just after i killed the spackle how i could feel the crunch running down my arm how i could keep seeing his blood how i saw him die again and again how i do still but i woulda i was ready but the knife is gone killing someone ain't nothing like it is in stories i say into the top of her head ain't nothing at all but i woulda she's still shaking and we're still right next to a raging roaring waterfall and the sun's higher in the sky and there's less light in the church and we're wet and bloody and bloody and wet and cold and shaken come on i say making the stand first thing we need to do is get dry okay i get her to her feet i go get the bag still on the floor twix two pews and go back to her and hold out my hand the sun is up i say it'll be warm outside she looks at my hand for a minute before taking it but she takes it we make our way around the pulpit unable to keep from looking where aaron was his blood already washed away by the spray i would have done it but the knife i can feel my hand shaking in hers and i don't know which one of us it is we get to the steps and it's halfway up that she first speaks i feel sick she says i know i say and we stop and she leans closer to the waterfall and is sick a lot i guess this is what happens when you kill someone in real life she leans forward her hair wet and tangled down she spits but she don't look up i couldn't let you she says he would have won i would have done it i say i know she says into her hair into the falls that's why i did it i let out a breath you should have let me no she looks up from being crouched over i couldn't let you she wipes her mouth and coughs again but it's not just that what then i say she looks into my eyes her own are wide and their bloodshot from the barfin and they're older than they used to be i wanted to todd she says her forehead creasing i wanted to do it i wanted to kill him she puts her hands to her face oh my god she breathes oh my god oh my god oh my god stop it i say taking her arms and pulling her hands away stop it he was evil he was crazy evil i know she shouts but i keep seeing him i keep seeing the knife going into his yeah okay you wanted to i stop her before she gets worse so what so did i but he made you want to he made it so it was him or us that's why he was evil not what you did or what i did what he did okay she looks up at me he did just what he promised she says her voice a little quieter he made me fall she moans again and clams her hands over her mouth her eyes welling up no i say strongly no see here's the thing here's what i think okay i look up to the water and the tunnel and i don't know what i think but she's there and i can see it and i don't know what she's thinking but i know what she's thinking and i can see her and she's teetering on the edge and she's looking at me and she's asking me to save her save her like she saved me here's what i think i say and my voice is stronger and thoughts are coming thoughts that trickle into my noise like whispers of the truth i think maybe everybody falls i say i think maybe we all do and i don't think that's the asking i pull on her arms gently to make sure she's listening i think the asking is whether we get back up again and the water's rushing by and we're shaking from the cold and everything else and she stares at me and i wait and i hope and i see her step back from the edge i see her come back to me todd she says and it ain't an askin it's just my name it's who i am come on i say haven's waiting i take her hand again and we make our way up the rest of the steps and back to the flatter part of the ledge following the curves out from the center steadying ourselves again on the slippery stones the jump back to the embankment is harder this time because we're so wet and weak but i take a running shot at it and then catch viola as she comes tumbling after me and we're in sunlight we breathe it in for a good long while getting the wettest of the wet off us before we gather up and climb the little embankment pushing ourselves through the scrub to the trail and back to the road we look down the hill down the zigzag trail it's still there haven't still there last bit i say viola rubs her arms to dry herself a little more she squints at me looking close you get hit in the face a lot you know that i bring my fingers up my eye is starting to swell some and i notice a gap on the side of my mouth where i lost a few teeth thanks i say it wasn't hurt until you said that sorry she smiles a little and puts her hand up to the back of her own head and winces how's yours i ask sore she says but i'll live you're indestructible you i say she smiles again and then there's a weird zip snick sound in the air and vila lets out a little gasp a little o sound we look at each other for a second in the sunshine both of us surprised but not sure why then i follow her glands down her front and there's blood on her shirt her own blood new blood pouring out of a little hole just to the right of her belly button she touches the blood and holds up her fingers todd she says and then she falls forward a catcher stumbling back a bit from the weight and i look up behind her up to the cliff top right where the road begins mr prentice jr on horseback hand out stretched holding a pistol todd vilas says against my chest i think someone shot me todd there are no words no words in my head or my noise mr prentice jr kicks his horse and edges him down the road toward us pistol still pointed there's nowhere to run and i don't got my knife the world unfolds as clear and as slow as the worst pain viola is starting to pant heavy against me mr prentice jr riding down the road and my noise rising with the knowledge that we're finished that there's no way out this time that if the world wants you it's going to keep on coming till it gets you and who am i that can fix it who am i that can change this if the world wants it so badly who am i to stop the end of the world if it keeps on coming i think she wants you bad todd mr princess junior sneers i clench my teeth my noise rises red and purple i'm todd effin hewitt that's who i eff and well i am i look him right in the eye sending my noise straight for him and i spit out in a rasp i'll thank you to call me mr hewitt mr prentice jr flinches actually flinches a little and pulls his reins involuntarily making his horse rear up for a second come on now he says his voice slightly less sure and he knows we can both hear it hands up he says i'm taking you to my father and i do the most amazing thing the most amazing thing i ever did i ignore him i kneel viola down to the dirt road it burns todd she says her voice low i set her down and dropped the bag and slipped my shirt off my back crumpling it up and holding it against the bullet hole you hold that tight you hear me i say my anger rising like lava this won't take a second i look up at davey prentice get up he says his horse still jumpy and edgy from the heat coming off me i ain't telling you twice todd i stand i stepped forward i said put your hands up davey says his horse winning and bluffing and clopping from foot to foot i march toward him faster till i'm running i'll shoot you davey shouts waving the gun trying to control his horse which is sending charge charge all over the place and it's noise no you won't i yell running right up to the horse's head and sending a crash of noise right at it snake the horse rears up on its back legs god damn it todd davey yells wheeling and whirling trying to control his horse with the one hand that's not holding the pistol i jump in slap the horse's front quarters and jump back the horse winnies and rears up again you're a dead man davey shouts going in a full circle with the horse jumping and rearing you're half right i say and i'm seeing my chance the horse nays loudly and shakes its head back and forth i wait davey pulls on the reins i dodge i wait effin horse davey shouts he tries to jerk the reins again the horse is twisting around one more time i wait the horse brings davey around to me careening him low in the saddle and there's my chance my fist is back and waiting boom i catch him across the face like a hammer fallen i swear i feel his nose break under my fist he calls out in pain and falls from the saddle dropping the pistol in the dust i jump back davey's foot catches in the stirrup the horse rears round again i smack its hindquarters as hard as i can and the horse has had enough it charges back up the hill back up the road davey's foot still caught making him bounce hard against rocks and dirt as he's dragged fast up the incline the pistols in the dust i move for it todd i hear and there's no time there's no time at all without hardly thinking i leave the pistol and i run back down to viola at the edge of the scrub i think i'm dying todd she says you're not dying i say getting an arm under her shoulders and another under her knees i'm cold you're not effing dying i say not today and i stand with her in my arms and i'm at the top of the zigzag that goes down into haven and that's not going to be fast enough i plunge straight down straight down through the scrub come on i say out loud as my noise forgets itself and all there is in the universe is my legs moving come on i run through scrub and across road through more scrub across the road again as it doubles back down and down kicking up clouds of earth and jumping over bushes stumbling over roots come on hang on i say to viola you hang on you hear me violet grunts every time we land hard but that means she's still breathing down and down come on please i skid on some bracken but i do not fall rode and scrub my legs aching at the steepness scrub and rode down please todd hang on i reached the bottom of the hill and i hit it running she's so light in my arms so light i run to where the road rejoins the river the road into haven trees springing up again all around us the river rushing on hang on i say again running down the road fast as my feet will carry me come on please round curves and corners under trees and by the riverbank up ahead i see the battlement i spotted with the bionx from the hill above huge wooden exes piled up in a long row out to either side with an opening across the road help i'm shouting as we come to it help us i run come on i don't think i can viola says her voice breathless yes you can i shout don't you dare give up i run the battleman's coming but there's no one there's no one there i run through the opening on the road into the other side i stopped long enough to take a turn around there's no one todd we're almost there i say i'm losing it todd and her head rolls back no you're not i shout at her face you wake up bala eid you keep your ruddy eyes open and she tries i see her try and her eyes open only a little but open and i run again as fast as i can and i'm shouting help as i go help please help and her breath is starting to gasp help us please no and i'm not seeing no one the houses i pass are shut up and empty the road turns from dirt to paved and still no one out and about help my feet slam against the pavement the road is leading to the big church up ahead a clearing of the trees the steeple shining down onto a town square in front of it and no one's there neither no help a race onto the square crossing it looking all around listening out no no it's empty vile is breathing heavy in my arms and haven is empty i reach the middle of the square i don't see nor hear a soul i spin around again help i cry but there's no one haven is completely empty there ain't no hope here at all vila slips a little from my grasp and i have to kneel to catch her my shirt is dropped from her wound and i use one hand to hold it in place there ain't nothing left the bag the binocs mama's book i'm realizing it's all left up on the hillside me and viola all we got everything we have in the world she's bleeding so much god she says her voice low and slurring please i say my eyes welling my voice cracking please please please please please please well since you asked so nicely comes a voice across the square hardly even raising itself to a shout i look up coming around the side of the church is a single horse with a single rider no i whisper no no yes todd says mayor prentice i'm afraid so he rides his horse almost lazily across the square toward me he looks as cool and unruffled as ever no sweat marking his clothes even wearing riding gloves even clean boots this ain't possible this ain't possible at all how can you be here i say my voice rising how even a simpleton knows there's two roads to haven he says his voice calm and silky almost smirking but not quite the dust we saw the dust we saw moving toward haven yesterday but how i say so stunned i can barely get the words out the army's a day away at least sometimes the rumor of an army is just as effective as the army itself my boy he says the terms of surrender were most favorable one of which was clear in the streets so i could welcome you here myself he looks back up toward the falls though i was of course expecting my son to bring you i look around the square and now i can see faces faces peering out of windows other doors i can see four more men on horseback coming around the church i look back at mayor prentice oh it's president prentice now he says you'll do well to remember that and then i realize i can't hear his noise i can't hear anyone's no he says i imagine you can't though that's an interesting story and not what you might bila slips a little more from my hands the shift of it making her give a pained gasp please i say save her i'll do anything you say i'll join the army all good things to those who wait the mayor says finally looking a little annoyed he dismounts in one easy movement and starts taking off his gloves one finger at a time and i know we've lost everything is lost everything is over as the newly appointed president of this fair planet of ours the mayor says holding out his hand as if to show me the world for the first time let me be the very first to welcome you to its new capital city todd vila whispers her eyes closed i hold her tightly to me i'm sorry i whispered to her i'm so sorry we've run right into a trap we've run right off the end of the world welcome says the mayor to new prentice town end of book one we hope you have enjoyed our presentation of the knife of never letting go by patrick ness copyright 2008 by patrick ness original book published by candlewick press performed by nick podell directed by laura grafton engineered by matt decoster performance copyright 2009 by brilliance audio all rights reserved for further information concerning this program or other candlewick on brilliance audio titles 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Id: Ha2q4xs2KvU

Length: 717min 5sec (43025 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 02 2021