The Kabbalah of Existential Loneliness

do you ever feel lonely not just lonely due to having the lack of companionship or friends or a Social Circle but this deeper existential sense of being all alone is there anyone out there that cares loneliness can be one of the most devastating experiences precisely because it's not loud it's like sense of feeling lost at sea do you matter of course it's connected to love but can someone else really fill the void of a person's loneliness we all need love but there's also a sense of filling that empty space what can we do about it what is the root of loneliness please join me in this discussion the Caba of existential loneliness how to understand what it is and what we can do about it to feel connected and attached to something just beyond [Music] ourselves hi this is Simmon Jacobson and will'll be speaking about the cabola of existential loneliness this program is dedicated by William malano in honor of his daughters Ella Nora Rita Rosa and his son Wade they should grow to recognize the Oneness of God do you ever feel lonely all alone and not only in the sense of lack of a companion or friends or a Social Circle or support system that's obviously all vital but even with that there are times you just feel at the end of a day even if you go to a party and everything is great you walk home alone is there anyone out there that cares are we at the end of the day just isolated entities with everybody just taking care of themselves unless it serves their interest and we're left alone like lost at sea we know that loneliness can be devastating not because it's loud and aggressive but even in its silence the fact that you feel that nobody's out there and again I'm not just talking about people there's that existential loneliness that we experience obviously growing up in a home that's loving and caring develops an element of connections and attachment which is the counterforce to loneliness where you feel you belong you feel someone cares about you unconditionally that goes a long way in building our confidence building our security but even then there can still be that feeling in the back of your mind that with all those that care about you there are certain things that nobody could enter your very private intimate space and you may go to a party and sell celebrate now I don't just mean superficial on a profound level at the end of the day you walk home alone one of the saddest scenes is when you see entertainers musicians where just a few minutes earlier T thousands tens of thousands of people were applauding we're celebrating we're even worshiping them and then as the show ends and everybody makes their way out going back home you see them packing their guitars packing their bags I always think about it at the end of a a tennis match and you see the tennis player packing his own bags carrying it out that's the custom there's something about it where at the end with all the agulation and Ovations and standing ovations you walk alone on this Earth and when you think about it it can be quite devastating not the lonely part alone but the fact does anyone care does it matter does it really matter what you do when someone is waiting for you they're waiting up at night where are you there's an element they care it just creates an a power F connection one of the most horrible things to see is a homeless person you wonder person sitting lying in the street where the where's the family where are the relatives I'm not I'm not trying to blame them I understand it's not that simple at times but the sadness of a person without a shelter without a roof over their heads without anyone caring but we don't have to go to that extreme all of us even with all the homes and all our Securities and all our material Comforts there's still that internal annoying feeling and I would submit that many of the things we turn to to numb that loneliness to numb that pain is in order to avoid the issue it's too painful to think about it so we do things some are healthy many are unhealthy to distract ourselves some dance to remember some dance to forget and in that context we can get ourselves into deep trouble because we don't want to feel alone I remember once counseling a couple they were having domestic issues between each other very comfortable materially and financially but but emotionally psychologically they were growing apart to the point that constant bickering and I asked them a simple question I said so what happens at dinner in the evening when you come together at home they looked at each other then looked at me and a very awkward way giggle they said we don't eat dinner at home we go out almost every night and if not it's due to some someone has a cold or something else that we have to do why not why don't you just have a dinner look get each other it's too uncomfortable what are we going to talk about you go out to dinner either they friends there you talk about the menu and the meal the service there's plenty to talk about the weather all to avoid direct intimate personal connection sad and many other many other scenarios that capture the lonely loneliness of this world Leonard Cohen sings it in a very in his scathing fashion you know where a person's been alone have their life and then offers their companion says let's let us be alone together or in Billy Joel's words let us drink a drink a cup called loneliness better than drinking alone so you share your loneliness with someone else you share the the misery and may create the illusion that it's not that lonely and the Bible of does say very powerful verse that talks about the essence of Union male and female God created them marriage Union a sacred Union it is no good for a person for a man to be alone there's something incomplete now I don't just mean that as someone that you have on your arm that goes to the party with you and you have someone you're not just walking in alone people like dinner for one which can be so painful for some so you have someone with you but it's deeper than that not to be alone to know there's someone that cares and someone you care for so there are two ways to look at every issue and challenge one is you look at the symptoms and the other at the roots at the symptomatic level so today hey with technology it's very easy not to feel not to feel alone even though it makes even more lonely you just go online to your favorite game to your favorite site you browse you move here you move there sports gambling whatever other addiction it may be that keeps you busy and makes you feel less alone because you're being you're living vicariously through others it makes you feel stimulated you go to a stadium you go to a game or as I mentioned before a rock concert and you're yelling and screaming with t tens of thousands of others everyone seems to be in unison you're not alone but then this the G the game is over the show is over and everybody as they make their way out of the stadium is walking alone so these are distractions and we have many today but it doesn't resolve the real problem at best the symptoms or some of the symptoms so how do we deal with it from the root and to get to the root you have to understand the root of loneliness so here's a fascinating take let's call it dissecting the anatomy of loneliness of existential loneliness so let's talk about a a ver a section A phrase statement I could say in ballistic text this is coming from the book called The Tree Of lifeim from the Isaac lur the famous 16th century Mystic interestingly many years he wasn't known his mystical genius was only known for a year and eight months in spat Northern Israel and then he died at a young age close to the age of 38 39 that year those years but he left us a tremendous body of work it's called the writings of the this the writings of the even though he didn't write it his student V wrote it that's why many of the books are called by the name tree of life so in the which is a classic work a magnopus you can call a cosmic map lays out the root of all loneliness and this is paraphrasing a Clos close translation of what he says that before it all and when we say before we don't mean physical time it's conceptual the initial state of existence and pre-existence was all Oneness a seamless Oneness think of an infinite sea of seamlessness and what dominated or actually the only thing that existed was divine higher Consciousness and there wasn't there weren't even two entities it was all a fundamental inherent Unity that shouldn't shouldn't surprise anyone who's familiar with physics that sees the universe as intrinsically unified despite the details but under the beneath the surface it's one as some put it it's all like one quilt one field of energy a Oneness a singularity and then the Divine Consciousness wanting to fulfill a purpose which was to create another Consciousness an independent Consciousness that would come to connect with it with the original Consciousness concealed itself concealed its conscious State the famous Tsum Doctrine sometimes called the secret of the Tsum say that Tsum the secret doctrine of Tsum of concealing withdrawing in a sense receding not fundamentally leaving but creating space classic example given by rman of the Yadi of a teacher creating space for a student the teacher's Brilliance if it just flows would be overwhelming and not allow anyone to receive relationship by definition requires creating space boundaries the first Bas is being quiet and allowing a student to emerge and then connecting like in a spoon feeding a small a laser a very narrow laser beam of energy that flows from teacher to student but initially you need silence you need a type of a pause a receding of the energy the Consciousness that allows for an independent Consciousness this is the birth of all loneliness cuz when all that Consciousness is all aware of and there's nothing else there's obviously no room for feeling lonely lonely would mean that there's a film of a disconnect something was severed so yes the purpose of it is a good purpose to create independent entity in order for there to be a relationship but in that first stage think of the cutting of the umbilical cord the fetus was seven nine months completely submerged in the embryonic Waters being fed being nurtured being protected The Cutting of the umbilical cord signifies a beginning of its own reality and indeed we know that a mother and father who are or the child is taken away from mother and father at very early stage will always have consequences because there's something for the need of connection feeling part of something else so in a cosmic level that's the simpsom the purpose of this was to create an independent Consciousness so so we can have a relationship but the side effect that can emerge from it is now oh I'm alone let's read together the verses in the Bible after Adam and Eve eat from the Tree of knowledge up till that point their Consciousness they were not self-conscious because their Consciousness was part of a higher reality they felt they were part of something bigger than themselves but as soon as they ate from the Tree of knowledge now they've experienced their own pleasure their own desire there's a disconnect and a dissonance and that's why they felt that that's why they were ashamed that they were naked why weren't they ashamed earlier because a newborn child there's nothing to be ashamed of nakedness is part of our reality we're not self-conscious you are what you are a fish and water but now suddenly you sense yourself so you feel guilt you feel shame you feel I'm somewhat separate from that higher reality and that's when the Bible tells us that God comes into the garden looking for Adam Adam is hiding from him from shame what he did so God says to Adam where are you so the obvious question is what do you mean where are you God needs to ask that question he can't see that Adam is hiding and the answer given a beautiful answer this is a question that God asks all of us in all times at all times throughout history every one of us there'll be a point where we will be asked where are you where are you doesn't mean physically where are you where's your head where's your heart where's your soul you know sometimes you're sitting there someone they're right there but they space out they're not present so you ask where are you doesn't mean of course you see them sitting in the chair you're not with me I don't feel you're with me God saying I feel you disconnected I feel alone and I know that you feel alone you've betrayed yourself that's when you hear about shame people betraying themselves they had a destiny things were going well and then something happens that's a deep sense of loneliness the loneliness is not just that there isn't anyone else there with you it's a sense of Disconnect all rooted in the Tsum and that concealment the point of it is to find deeper even deeper connection of two entities they come to love each other but initially it creates tremendous existential loneliness that just that sense you think about it no one should ever know of it but when someone close to you close to someone dies what is really the pain involved you know if you believe and who doesn't that there's a soul the soul lives on the spirit the personality what's how however the pain is that you don't experience it in your domain in your world even if that Soul sees you you don't see it you feel alone you feel where did this all go to I was able to embrace it I was able to speak to it and now so it's a disconnect that this material world manifests we don't feel our source we don't feel connected we don't feel we belong and hence this profound loneliness so it doesn't come from nowhere it's rooted in this part this very dissonance and then of course it can devolve to deeper levels and deeper levels to the point of extreme pain of feeling all alone no one cares dog eats dog a selfish World interested only in its own needs and they care about you when they need something from you so that only feeds that conviction that we're all alone but this is all part of the plan the concealment it's only a concealment the great maget of M gives the example of a of a father hiding from his children in order to elicit to evoke their Ingenuity but he hides well to the point that the children think he's abandoned them so it's a feeling of abandonment again the loneliness and of Abandonment when a truth do not give up because he's there and here too here comes the antidote the solution the solution my friends is based on this very root once you understand the root of it it's not going to be solved by numbing yourself it's not going to be solved by avoiding it by distracting by creating false forms of connection now sexuality take sexuality one of the most powerful forms of bonding maybe the most powerful of all where two people become like one flesh in the words of the Bible it's a tremendous connection but what happens when a person does not have healthy sexuality and they turn to titilation and stimulation not from someone that loves you porn objectifying it just for the pleasure for the moment it creates the illusion of Union but there's no Union going on without the sanctity of a relationship of two people caring for each other not just during the act of sexuality but overall that it's more of a now a state of being love than just an act the state of being are two people who are really bound to each other and care about each other all the time and look how lonely it makes you feel literally just a few days ago I was talking to someone who came to see me me he's talking about sex addictions he says The More I Seek it out the lonlier I become so for the moment I have a rush of excitement and then I feel even more lonely than ever literally like a sugar high you get high and then you need more you need another shot how do I get out of this vicious cycle this pattern so requires revisiting what exactly is true connection and not trying to replace it with false connections not trying to resolve and relieve the loneliness through false forms of connection and communication and and companionship it's not about renting a companion or escaping for a little while so what's the solution to go back to the pre simpsom reality to realize there is an intrinsic and inherent Unity between everything in this world between people people for sure but even between you and the and the activities that you do and here's where the mystics and the calist explain that you are on a mission in this world to find the Divine Sparks and connect everything that come your way to some higher purpose and when you do that that's how you relieve that's how you resolve existential loneliness not by escaping from it not by ignoring it not by avoiding or or creating false forms of connection but by truly connecting and truly recognizing that all the fragments of your life are part of spokes connected by one Hub by one mission statement and that is to elevate the Sparks that were allocated to you that are spread and Scattered throughout your life in the food you eat in the water in the in the drinks you drink in your sleep in your work in your leisure in your personal matters into your intrapersonal and interpersonal your interactions social interactions everything whatever you're involved in has these Sparks but the Sparks right now are scattered in the cabalistic terminology due to the shattering of the containers so think of a page of a book or entire book that's torn into pieces and then scattered so there's a narrative there but the narrative is now scattered and our job is to reconnect again the scattering creates loneliness every letter or every part of a letter feels lost feels alone because it's seeking the other parts of the letter like a jigsaw puzzle to connect and Al together to create one larger narrative The Narrative of your life so all this is the way this we resolve that initial loneliness so the ssum creates the concealment the feeling of being separate the feeling of the fragmentation of life and the solution is to reconnect to take the different parts of your life and find that over overarching and underlying purpose how you're using your skills your opportunities your time all your experiences toward something greater a higher purpose transforming your corner of the world into a beautiful spiritual environment an exercise that can help you do this at the end of any given day and you can do this every day and you'll see what kind of change it creates in your life sit down and list all the things you did that day from the moment you woke up from the first conscious moment of your day you press the snooze button or you finally woke up your regimen you're exercise took a shower ate breakfast coffeee whatever it may be ran for your commute went to work worked remotely had a meeting or two Lune break tea break interactions list them all the bigger big and small important and trivial all the way to the evening come home all the evening activities you'll come up usually with a list of around 100 items even if they're not connected including tying your shoelaces or going walking and what and going to a store just to shop around just using all the examples and then try to connect these 100 items or whatever the amount they are what relationship they have with each other in most cases they won't have much relationship in some cases I commuted in order to get to work or I commuted in order to meet a friend so you may think okay so what 100 fragments of my day but then they accumulate day after day week after week month after month year after year decade after decade Century after Century Millennia after Millennia Millions if not billions of fragments and we know fragmentation nature of's fragmentation so does a human being when you see everything scattered in your home and there's no order it's something unnerving about it even little children what do they do they take objects of different shapes and sizes and they fit them in to the corresponding holes a sphere within a sphere a square within a square a rectangle within a rectangle triangle within a triangle because we naturally gravitate to what to Unity the opposite of fragmentation the opposite of loneliness so here's the the exercise the solution solution now look at all those items and say what's the connection between them there is no connection but here is the key in the morning before you began say that one line prayer that one line meditation thank you for returning my soul to me thank you for giving me an indispensable mission in this world the mission of spiritualizing your material world and then the rest of the day is just the implementation of that one Mission so from to commuting to reading a book magazine meeting people whatever it may be all get connected because all it's all part of fulfilling that One Singular Mission now I say singular takes on many different shapes and forms but it's all connected like a good business person not just 9 to five not just when he's doing business whoever he meets every encounter becomes an opportunity here we're talking about spiritual opportunities that connect and realizing that every encounter and interaction you have has been waiting for you to come there and create that connection so number one it resolves the loneliness issue because you're not alone you're fulfilling a mission a Divine Mission whether you like the word God or not but God is with you the mission is with you in everything you do you're not alone you're not just wandering at lost at se you have a mission secondly you become proactive you don't wait for something to happen which only asks to loneliness you're proactively bringing something into your life inspiring others in the same way there's no greater antidote no greater solution to loneliness that when you invite people to your home to your environment you invite them to a project that you're doing use technology in that way Connecting People sharing a kind word a beautiful word something inspiring something heartwarming showing gratitude so there are actions that we can do that are actually connectors that counter the existential loneliness of Our Lives or using the mystical terms that counter the syum the syum which conceals and allows for a sense of fragmentation a sense of dissonance sense of disconnection you're countering that by shining a light into this dark place by bringing connections and indeed Mitzvah means connections connecting you and your purpose connecting you and others connecting you and the Divine and that is the ultimate antidote the ultimate solution so it's not just about eliminating loneliness it's about transforming it and seeing that the the concealment that caused the loneliness is transformed to create deeper unity and deeper connection between parts and pieces that may seem dispar seem disconnected or fragmented so the cabala of existential loneliness is both the root of the cause of it and most importantly what we do to counter it initiate invite people to your home invite someone to be your companion studying together praying together doing something charitable Good Deed together Inspire others wherever you go and and to and whoever you meet find ways to connect let's share a common goal let's discuss some way to help a third party there's so many things we can do small and large that counter the split the schism of existential loneliness and brings a deeper Unity so I bless you with the wisdom fortitude commitment and courage to fight the war against fragmentation to fight the war against dissonance to fight the war against existential loneliness by introducing unity and harmony harmony within diversity be blessed and be well this is Simon Jacobson of meaningful Life Center meaningful life.com is our website please subscribe to our offerings to our YouTube channel and check it out a wide array of materials a calendar of events covering all types of topics you name it from one end of the spectrum to the other please share if you found this meaningful and please I'd love to hear your feedback your thoughts your comments your suggestions we are after all all parts indispensable parts of one larger Cosmic Symphony thank you and be well this program is brought to you by the meaningful Life Center please help us continue our programs make even a small contribution at meaningful life.com donate

Channel: Rabbi Simon Jacobson at Meaningful Life Center

Views: 9,367

Keywords: spirituality, soul, meaning, purpose, god, kabbalah, torah, chassidus, mysticism, psychology, bible, practical bible

Id: 7UeY4ZgbF9A

Length: 33min 50sec (2030 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 11 2024