I define High Sensitivity as a
preference to process information more deeply, and that includes like startling
easily and being more affected by caffeine. But mostly it's that we take in
stimuli and somehow, it gets used in a different way,a more thorough way than
for a non.sensitive person. So we started out with a questionnaire measure
sensitivity. But of course everybody wants to know if this thing is real. So
we have gradually been undertaking physiological studies and mostly we've
been interested in how the brain works in sensitive people and non sensitive
people. So we've been using what is called functional Magnetic Resonance
Imaging. So it's like an MRI, but you have people doing something inside that tube.
And they can't do much, but you can have them look at something and say yes I see
it or no I don't. So one of the most interesting results we have with Highly
Sensitive people during an fMRI compared to non sensitive people is, of course, at
their perceptual areas of the brain attentional areas are lighting up more
than non-sensitive people when they're given a task that involves perception,
especially of all very subtle differences. One of the things, the
findings, that I find most important is that when we compared sensitive people
and non-sensitive people on things like neuroticism, depression, anxiety, shyness,
we found yes, sensitive people were a bit more that way. But then as soon as we
separated out those with a good and bad childhood, we found that all of the quote
"neuroticism" was being contributed by the people that had difficult childhoods. So
a sensitive person with a difficult childhood and probably other stressful
events would, would have the same effect. But with a difficult childhood, they are
more prone to anxiety, depression and shyness than a non-sensitive
person with the same level of difficulty in their life. But if you, if you look at
a sensitive person with a good supportive childhood, and just pretty much of a regular childhood,
it doesn't have to be outstanding, and compare them to a non-sensitive person
they're actually less anxious and depressed, more socially competent than
the non-sensitive person with a good upbringing. Sensitive people of course
have different, are different in relationships, because they're different
in everything they do. And when it comes to meeting people, or committing
themselves after they met someone and friendship or romantic relationship they, um . . .
I don't think they always make the best first impression. So they don't want to
be in something like speed dating, where they they just won't necessarily come
off well. It's better if they meet in some place where they gradually get to
know other people, like in being in the same course, or even in the same
workplace, something like that. Then sensitive people, as far as committing to
someone, are often slow to commit. We don't like to make decisions - we don't
like to make decisions rapidly. We make good decisions, but we find it a struggle.
And sensitive people will take very seriously a commitment and of course, I
always have to remind them that doing nothing is a decision itself. So you do
have to decide eventually, and sensitive people also often focus on the other
person's flaws or drawbacks because they're so worried about how that's
going to be, but you know these are the problems that could arise the risks
involved in the relationship. But of course we have to focus on the positive
too. The problem, of course, if you're Highly Sensitive and you're taking in
all these subtleties and what happens when there's too much coming in. And I
like the analogy when my father - when I was little, my father took me to an
orange packing factory. And the way they sort oranges into small, medium and large
is they have slots and they have a conveyor belt that kind of shakes. The
oranges fall into the slots that they'll fit into, large, medium and small. While I
like insensitive people to having 15 slots, and that works fine if you don't
have too many oranges coming down. When there's a lot of oranges
down the chute, they just get all jammed up, because they can't find their slot.
And sensitive people when we have too much coming at us, we get tired or we get
over aroused and over stimulated and that has a lot of effects. One effect of
being easily over stimulated or over aroused, is that we don't perform as well
under those circumstances. So a person can rehearse and rehearse, alone for
instance, for a recital and then they go onstage and they're so over stimulated
by the lights and the crowd that they don't do as well. So let's talk about how
sensitive people have to live their lives a little differently than other
people. And I think the big thing is realizing that they can be
overstimulated means more downtime more rest. And and I say eight hours in bed
whether you're asleep or not, and at least two hours during the day in
which your mind is kind of drifting. It could be in meditation, it could be on a
walk, it could be wired sweeping the floor but it just should be that your
mind is free to drift. I also think that we do good, do well, with a day off
there's completely like a full Sabbath with nothing that, nothing but time free
to sleep and relax. And I like to see them get a week off about four times a
year rather than one big vacation, because we need time to recuperate.
That's very important. Perhaps the most important thing for me, about High
Sensitivity, is that sensitive people appreciate themselves and are
appreciated by others. I'm particularly concerned about children because so many
sensitive adults will tell me that, every - that they - either their parents didn't
understand them and they were bullied and had a really hard time. And it's just
like taking away something so valuable from the world, because of this
research that shows that in a good environment these kids have more to
offer. So child rearing temperament counseling, information that gets out to
people about how to raise these children, that seems very important to me. For
adults, finding out that you're Highly Sensitive often is just a complete
turnaround in terms of reframing your life, understanding why you made certain
decisions and appreciating yourself. And not comparing yourself so much to non-sensitive people
