The Hidden Neuroticism Driving Covert Narcissism

being very entitled and controlling narcissists have no difficulty stepping all over your personal boundaries so that's why I put together an extensive video class called this is me it has 25 videos written documents guided questions I'm going to teach you how to have healthy boundaries there's a link below and I hope you'll find it to be quite [Applause] therapeutic [Music] according to research one of the primary indicators of a healthy personality or not is to gain a measure of an individual's level of neuroticism all right pause right there also we can say that one of the central ingredients of Co overt narcissism is the very hidden nature of that individual's dysfunction until of course you're up close and you're educated on what you're dealing with so when you combine a sense of neuroticism that a person might have with the hidden nature of the covert narcissist it sets up the potential for you to be exploited you can be pulled under because these individuals can bring a great deal of strain and chaos to a relationship you just don't necessarily see it upfront and that becomes the uh the Insidious part of it sometimes you get pulled in all the way before the uh the fullness of that individual's dysfunction is displayed so today I want to talk with you about what it means to have this neuroticism that's at the base of a personality and then I want to see if we can determine how that uh can sometimes combine with the covert narcissistic pattern now first what are we talking about when we refer to neuroticism now the first thing that we're going to say about an individual who is bound by their own sense of neuroticism is they can be very easily thrown off emotionally you when we think of a person being neurotic the first word at least for me that comes to mind is anxiety or fear or strain or tension and often it manifests has agitation and irritability and annoyance but these individuals have a lot of emotional duress gurgling on the inside uh sometimes they don't let you see it there see it but there it is and it's always going to be just right there below the surface a second thing when we talk about neur neuroticism is these are individuals who are unable or unwilling to accept responsibility excuse me and by that I mean they blame shift a lot you did this to me uh look what you're doing to make my life miserable they play the victim role in a very very persistent manner in addition when we talk about neuroticism we're talking about the uh the inability to come to terms with life's complexities uh the the neurotic individual is somebody that wants to apply shallow U solutions to whatever is in front of them and they make shallow demands for you to prop them up well if you'll just be you know more agreeable or if you'll just be less this and more of that and they they they uh they can't deal with complexity they can't pull back and think I've got a lot of considering here to do and sifting that I'm going to have to go into they just don't do that instead these individuals in their neuroticism are so self-consumed that it leaves a little room for them to try to tend to you to try to understand you or events or circumstances what's going on here and what do I need to know about the other individual over there or the backstory they just tend not to do that they're they're so consumed with whatever is bothering them that leads to another indicator of neuroticism which is the inability to adapt that's why they insist that you need to prop them up often they'll succumb to addictions and uh and uh and have all sorts of hidden kinds of things along those lines and that can imply that they on their interior they don't really have enough uh skill to draw upon and so they go to something that's going to give them an immediate uh feel-good experience they have a very narrow comfort zone and by that I mean they're very particular about what they want which means they're very demanding and they're not inclined to what I refer to as expansive thinking uh that is it's like you know some things just aren't working for me let's take a look at what some of the other options might be they don't think that way inur eroticism they can be prone towards magical thinking and basically it's like if everything would just go according to what I want you I'm I'm a simple person I'll be totally happy and just feed me please me just do whatever you need to do to make me happy and they honestly believe that if they could just get everybody to uh to conform they'll be just fine and dandy uh which then leads to another part of neuroticism and that is what I refer to as psychological laziness please don't don't make me introspect and and you know that many narcissists have such low self-reflection capability uh in addition uh they have chaotic attitudes in the midst of conflict it's like oh boy I can't deal with conflict and I I don't know what to do and so they can just be all over the board uh whenever uh strain and tension comes along and they have to come to terms with differences between themselves and you and then in addition we can say that neuroticism ism is defined by lots and when I say lots I mean a whole lot of Motivation by guilt or shame or Duty and then often what they'll do is they'll try to push their guilt and shame and Duty onto you you can see that the neuronic individual is somebody that just doesn't know how to manage strain and tension well at all the uh the irrational emotionality just runs away with them now time all that though to the covert nature of the covert narcissist and you can see that this becomes very problematic the covert narcissist by definition of their narcissism says well actually it really is all about me and I'm the most important person in the room and the covert narcissist is thinking it's your job to keep me satisfied that's their attitude of entitlement uh covert narcissists are very willing to use use and manipulate other individuals you need to be my Supply you need to prop me up the covert narcissist honestly thinks of themselves as being well uniquely above other individuals go figure that one the covert narcissist has a major inability or unwillingness to empathize and then ultimately they are absurdly defensive so when you combine neurotic ISM and the covert narcissist what you're what we're saying is it's all on the inside of the package with that individual but it may take time for it to actually reveal itself and that's where like I say uh you're going to need to be on your very best uh inside capability uh so that you don't get completely pulled under um before you begin realizing exactly what you're dealing with I think it's going to be important for us to acknowledge or to uh to zero in on what what the better alternatives are to the neurotic covert narcissistic style of life let's see if we can take a look at some of the things that you can do once you begin understanding what you're up against now first and foremost and you've heard me say this before but it Bears repeating uh I'm hoping you can think I absolutely cannot afford to let the neurotic covert narcissist establish my mood and so many times you can uh have you can be triggered and you can think I've got to get this person to understand me and to know me and to to respond better and in doing so you're saying basically I'm putting you in charge of making me uh have a much steadier mood that's not going to work in addition I'm hoping you can think and I also refuse to succumb to the uh the agenda that that person wants to superimpose upon me so many times you can find yourself pushing back uh in uh Rebellion sometimes or anger or uh uh strain uh when they come at you with all of their must and have to and got to it's like no I'm not I'm not going to go into that space and I don't really need to force any kind of understanding from them instead I need to remember I'm dealing with a person who's in a great deal of psychological pain but as deeply embedded as that pain is I can't make make it go away it's not my job to fix someone who refuses to have that introspective nature instead I'm going to focus on the opposite of neuroticism and on the opposite of covert narcissism I want to be levelheaded by that I mean I want to be able to weigh things uh in a very objective and careful kind of way we we have a word for that it's called discernment I want to be able to unhook from what we might refer to as psychological noise I'm not going to let all of that just completely consume me whenever uh there's something in front of me uh I'm also going to be honest about what it means to be human uh it means that we have a a combination of pluses and minuses highs and lows and I'm going to be honest about how that applies to me and how that applies to other individuals and that also contributes to the sense of objectivity that's so necessary I'm not going to be inclined towards exaggerated emotion I have emotion but I'm not going to just let it run away with me like like it does with that neurotic individual instead I'm going to I'm going to zero in on finding my inner sense of calmness in other words I'm going to be the kind of person that knows when life presents complexity and strain and difficulty I'm the kind of person that says I'll figure this out I may not know exactly what I'm going to do right now but I figure things out that's that's how I Define Myself neuroticism by itself is very difficult to navigate and then when you uh combine that with the covert pattern of narcissism uh it sets up the potential for you to feel duped but let's let's recognize knowledge is power and when you have the insight and the realization of what you're dealing with I'm hoping that you'll come to the determination that you're going to focus on the one person that you know that you can manage and I think you know who that one person is by the way you'll notice I my buddy over here I don't think he's too neurotic and I don't think he's too narcissistic either he's just Mr chill over here okay if you've if you've not already hit that subscribe button I would encourage you to do so watch the videos on a cumulative basis and then I'm hoping that the learning process will uh be very strong from the inside out on you thank you for letting me be on your journey with you many times as you are trying to figure this out uh you might have a need for therapy and I know that many of you uh have uh have sought therapy and I I applaud you for that you know that I've been sponsored for years by the people at betterhelp.com there's a link below that would take you to their site if that's what you would choose it's it's online it's affordable it's accessible and it's proven to be uh very reliable so if if you have the need please seek the therapy that you would need because I'm hoping that you can learn to get Beyond some of the strains that they want to put on you uh in addition you know I have my website and surviving narcissism. TV and we have many articles on there uh it uh we also have my courses my classes that are on there uh and these are very extensive uh each class has 25 plus videos with written documents guided questions we have Ready Set connect about making good connections this is me establishing your boundaries free to be finding yourself despite those controllers we also have webinars that I've presented and that's a whole different nature you might want to look into those we have uh like I say my articles books lots of resources please Avail yourself to all of that that's why I'm here and I'm hoping it can be helpful for you okay that combination neuroticism covert narcissism uh it smells the high heaven but I'm hoping that as you have an an understanding and an appreciation for what that is it can be all the more uh important for you to say you know I'm going in a much different path I I can't afford to let that person bring me down because you see I want to be a person that's uh more steady than that and in doing so it positions me to be the person of peace

Channel: Surviving Narcissism

Views: 52,255

Keywords: Covert narcissism, NPD, gaslighting, narcissism in relationships, anger, passive aggressive, self esteem, psychology, Dr. Les Carter

Id: 1SauihojZ0U

Length: 13min 52sec (832 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 11 2023