A long, long time ago, when the world was young and gods still roamed the earth, [Whoosh] A small white hare stood alone
on the Isle of Oki. He looked out
in the distance and saw, just at the edge of the horizon, The Island of Japan. It called to him. His heart was filled
with desire to see the mainland
and walk its soil. But alas, the mainland was far away and the water between him and it very very deep. But he was a clever hare. Crafty, if not always wise. And he had a plan. The hare hops to the coast and watches the waves roll in. He takes a deep breath and with as booming a voice
as his small body can manage, he calls out
to the crocodiles of the sea, "You think your tribe is great! But you are nothing compared to the tribe of the hares!" and for a moment, nothing. Then the head of one of the great ferocious crocodiles
emerges from the waves. (Now keep in mind these crocodiles are not like
the crocodiles of today, but rather mammoth creatures fearsome and strange.) And so the crocodile emerges and says, "Well, I never! That is quite rude young man. We can both be great, you know." But the hare taunts them again saying, "There are so many more hares
than crocodiles. Your whole tribe is barely more than a clan of us!" By this point,
a few more crocodiles have shown up and they begin
to turn amongst themselves, calling the hare's statement, "Preposterous" and "Absurd." But then a crafty gleam came into the hare's eye and he said, "How about we resolve this
once and for all? Have your people line up tail to tail and I will count all of you and then we'll see if I've been wrong" To this completely reasonable
and not at all strange proposal, the crocodiles assented and they lined up nose-to-tail
as far as the eye could see. Then the hare began to hop from one to the other, counting as he went. "One, two-hoo, three..." He went up and down the rows, slowly making his way
down the columns. But then as he got to the final crocodile, he began to laugh. "Ha ha!" At which the crocodile asked "Whatever is so humorous
Mr. Hare?" and the hare responded, "I tricked you! I don't care which
of our tribes are bigger! I only wanted you to make a bridge so I could walk from Oki to Japan!" And with that, he took a mighty leap toward the shore. But crocodiles are quick and the hare was too ready with his boast. For as he lept to dry land, the last crocodile turned and bit at him. Its mighty jaws snapped closed on his fur. Just barely catching the hair in its vice-like grip. But the hare's jump was so strong and the crocodile's grip so firm, that all of the fur
on the hares body ripped away. He lay on the beach rolling in agony nakeder than the day he was born. After a while, he heard a rumble in the ground and saw a dust cloud approaching. Then, a troop of men
appeared on the horizon. There were eighty of them. By this point the hare
was very good at counting. Each was very tall and with a bearing as such, it was clear that they were
at least part divine. So he cried out to them and asked them what he should do. They just laughed and shouted back, "I got this bro." You must wash yourself in the sea, then go to the mountain side and let the wind dry you. He he he..." So he rushed to the water's edge and washed himself in the sea. The salt stung him. His hide burned like fire. Desperate to get it off, he went to the mountain side
and stood in the howling wind. But rather than alleviate the pain, the wind just dried the water
and left the salt to crack his skin. And so in torment, he lay there. Until at last he saw one final straggler
from the troop of gods. This one was unlike the others, as he was laden down with bags and boxes, stooping under the weight of everything he carried. This deity was nearly on top of the hare before he saw him, his vision obscured by all the bags. But when he did see him, he stopped and said, "Small hare, what brings you to lay in pain on this mountainside?" The hare then told him what the other gods had said. The straggler responded "Oh, ah. Those are my half-brothers. We traveled together to see who might marry the Princess of Yagami and they have asked me to carry their bags for them. Sometimes they can be...unwise. I would recommend that you go bathe in the river water and then roll yourself in the cattails that stand by the side of the stream." The hare thanked the straggler and immediately scampered off to do this. As soon as he hit the water the fresh cool stream began to soothe his burning skin. And after he washed all the salt off, he climbed up on the river's bank and found a clump of cattails. He dove into it and began to roll around on the soft plants. To his surprise, the thick brown heads of the plants turned into a fluffy white down, which started to stick to his damp skin. By the time he stood up, he was covered. He had a new coat. He was whole again. So he bounded off to catch up with the kind god that had instructed him true. At last he saw the sack laden figure against the horizon and racing to him said "None of your brothers will win the heart
of the Princess of Yagami. Though you carry the bags, you will be first in love!" So join us next time to see if this hare-y prophecy turns out to be true. Legendary thanks to patron Kyle Murgatroyd.
I thought it said the hair of an Indian lmao