The great quotes of: The Joker

good caesar carlini my old pal why i haven't seen you since wait i've never seen you have i you need to get out more who is this clown not clown joker is [Applause] and what's wrong with that it's done wonders for me i was feeling a bit screw loose so i check myself in who are you my god now that was rue the first boy blunder had some manners i suppose i'm going to have to teach you a lesson so you can better follow in his footsteps man i'm just gonna keep beating you with this crowbar time for the injustice league to step into [Music] batman i got more style more brains i'm certainly a better dresser boy did you get a wrong number leave your message at the sound of the shriek no please don't take it easy i i was just kidding so was i um oops no i wasn't [Music] yes the joke is on me you're not batman after all looks like there's a new face in gotham and soon his name will be all over town to say nothing of his legs always wanted to carve this bird anytime soon in fact the idea for walking anywhere seems remote but then that's always a problem with softbacks oh god literary discussion can get so dry can't they finish the commission taking where he needs to be and please do be careful after all he is topping the bill it really is a shame you'll miss your father's debut miss gordon sadly our venue wasn't built with the disabled in mind why are you doing this to prove a point is to cry smear free it's permaclown boot of crowd look nothing up my sleeves nothing that won't put a smile on your face you're not going to leave him like this are you why hello he's still alive and he's going to stay that way until i say we don't need him anymore next legs listen to someone who knows don't wait do it now you don't like my decisions leave and they say i'm crazy [Music] we wouldn't want our little cage rodent to suffocate so we'll just punch going my way handsome cute kid hope she doesn't take being an orphan too hard 137 million yes and if i don't pay up i'll go to jail for tax evasion i'm crazy enough to take on batman but the irs no thank you why on god's earth is he still alive gotta give the boy points he came all the way back from the dead to make this shindig happen so who's got a camera oh oh get one of me in the kid first then you and me then the three of us and then one with the crowbar then you'll be as quiet as possible or i'll put one in your lap first party pooper no cake for you we'll get to a safe altitude then watch the fireworks it's lucky you were here harley the countdown sequence didn't leave joker enough time to swing by arkham and pick you up quiet brett forget your little pets the babies we can't leave the babies i'll buy you a goldfish let's go and then nice entrance either you've never heard of a door or you just like pulling glass out of your shorts all it takes is one too many orders to make the cuckoo call [Music] all it takes is one rotten day to transform a normal man into a monster well in my case a rotten day and a chemical bath parking is such a pain in this city sorry to interrupt but i see one of our stars approaching the red carpet and he's in black always chic but here come the fashion disasters i'm surprised their mummies let them out of the house looking like that poor heroes nothing they do is quite enough any grand and impressive how you simultaneously juggle multiple scenarios i've had practice juggling my multiple personalities [Laughter] school's out yes professor i have developed a device that allows its user to tap directly into a patient's mind another voice in my head one of the more the merrier would you guess get to keep these sure you do whatever you want with it we got a closet full of them [Music] so long as you won't miss it you really should loosen up dealer have a laugh now and then [Music] fashion goons we got the lights here the name harley quinn i want him to pit themselves i want a taste of that you want to taste it okay where's raz all ghoul and shredder that's it where's roz where's shredder why not joker darling i love what you've done with yourself honestly that's i'm hurt do you suffer from that queasy drop in cabin pressure air sick feeling well you should because of my handy-dandy radar disruptor it's guaranteed to scramble all radar signals in the greater gotham area that's right friends thanks to this smashing new invention no military or commercial planes can safely fly over gotham so if you want to avoid unhappy landings just send 40 million dollars to me the joker that's 40 million dollars operators are standing by and remember don't send it you mean to tell me the chief of police considers this vigilante a greater menace then the clown prince of crime why that's an outrage an insult get out of my face clown which one joker listen to the sound of you going splat great idea tell me what i'm doing here somebody doing you're doing what any sane man in your appalling circumstances would do you're going mad i i remembered i wouldn't do that remembering's dangerous i find the past such a worrying anxious place yes memory is so treacherous one moment you're lost in a carnival of delight childhood aromas the flashing neon of puberty all that sentimental candy floss the next it takes you somewhere you don't want to be somewhere dark and cold filled with the damp ambiguous shapes of things you'd rather forget memories can be vile repulsive little bruce like children with so much power at my fingertips some might call me a control freak others just a freak he that works for me i can't believe he didn't suspect a trap see what happens when you don't watch enough television italian oh that's luigi his food's the reason i keep coming back to arkham i mean him and batman see luigi's got a bit of a nickname around here feels no good the flavor really just explodes in your mouth you know it's funny the situation reminds me of a joke a doctor told his patient i have bad news and worst news oh dear what's the bad news after the patient the doctor replied you only have 24 hours to live that's terrible said the patient but how can the other news possibly be worse the doctor replied well i've been trying to contact you since yesterday more powerful than a locomotive and just about as subtle okay all right uh i'll see i'll see you then now ain't that a co-winky dick we're talking about the old man and the spawn of his loins just happens to call makes you want to laugh doesn't it oh boy this does not look good does it joker you know what the joke is here i'm totally innocent yeah that doesn't even sound right does it inmate what rational being dresses like you speaking of threads think this is a good look for me who are you but can we live without them memories are what our reason is based on if we deny them we deny reason itself although what's wrong with that really it's not like we're contractually tied down to rationality there is no sanity clause so when you find yourself locked onto an unpleasant train of thought headed for places in your past where the streaming is unavoidable remember this there's always madness you can just step outside and close the door on all those dreadful things that happened you can lock them away forever anything else i'll need some guys not these guys because well they're kind of dead children children foiled our plan inconceivable unacceptable that last one might not be a word so sue me don't worry i promise a fair fight and by fair i mean totally stacked in my favor come on what i'm talking about your hands are just as tasty don't touch me old what is wrong with you don't you think i would have done that had i wanted to half the fun of our relationship was the mystery now i know batman is just some boring rich [ __ ] with parental issues that's really that's bombs in the elevator shafts no way anyone's getting to us up here is that so [Music] that's in our belfry again holy christ that must be the best ghost train in the business i mean when i went in the fella in the middle didn't look at jay over 17. that's what a dose of reality will do to you it's why i never touch the stuff i find it waters down the hallucinations for commissioner house medical report scott you had a bad accident you're a very sick man flattery won't save you why not put a force field around it and let it blow i don't know if i can contain an explosion that size maybe you should let me defuse it maybe you should shut up phew is it just me or is there something going on between those two will green lantern ever admit to his feelings will hot girl ever stop sublimating her passions with that big honking mace will true love conquer all not on my show punchline i don't share your sense of humor yet will link you and i like comedy and tragedy two sides same kind the gasp i'll break you in two oh batman if you had the guts for that kind of fun you would have done it years ago i on the other hand talk joker well you see i've always wanted to stage my own opera all i needed was the right suit and a leading lady you look like you could really hit the low notes want to sing back up you've forgotten what i told you a long time ago one of the painful truths of comedy you always take shots from folks who just don't get the joke that sentimental claptrap worked now back to the grind who's robbing these days oh shut your damn mouth strip them double hand and leg cuffs ooh kinky let me ask you something what does it matter if you send me back to the asylum if it doesn't matter to me i've proven my point gordon's been driven mad i've demonstrated there's no difference between me and everyone else all it takes is one bad day that's how far the world is from where i am just one bad day you had a bad day once am i right oh i know i am i can tell you had a bad day and everything changed dressing up like a fire rat doesn't hide it it screams it you had a bad day and it drove you as crazy as everybody else only you won't admit it you have to keep pretending and you are oh just a nameless clown shoveling my life away too bad it has to be in such gruesome surroundings don't care for the decor not hardly all those horrible faces grinning at me that would do things to my mind after a while who says you have one i'd be thinking about my own love life i mean i don't want to biff it like you did hey i told ivy how i felt she didn't feel that way i had a story water under the bridge right right the screaming about it at the mere mention of her name certainly backs that up all the people i've murdered by letting you live i never kept count i did i know and i love you for it let the kid go joker i'm trying to the good news is it looks like the bat is getting warm getting warm i said he's next to a volcano enough nobody likes a brown nose it's payback time joker you're going to suffer for making me what i am i don't think what i deserve but do i know you you're gonna do it this time or you're just gonna put me in another body cast for six months so disappointing but back to the matter at hand this new hoodie you really think i would stir up so much trouble and not make sure you knew it was me [Laughter] give us the high sign if you see anyone coming and what'll you guys be doing ah if you stick your nose in it might get cut off i mean what is it with you what made you what you are girlfriend killed by the mob maybe brother carved up by some mugger something like that i know because something like that happened to me sometimes i remember it one way sometimes another if i'm going to have a past i prefer it to be multiple choice my point is i went crazy and i'm smart enough to admit it why can't you by clinging to reality you're denying the reality of the situation do you ever think about how many times you've come close to world war three over a flock of geese on a computer screen silly goose it's all a joke everything anybody's ever valued it's monstrous why can't you see the funny side why aren't you laughing this has all been worked out far in advance francis you are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design so don't speak to me again okay now what is everyone in town talking about uh your fish i told you not to speak you fell in love with me when i was famous well i looked like this bethany fell in love with me when i was just a square looking bar back with not a lot that wasn't of real you you'd have forgotten what a piece of [ __ ] you are i can't believe you were ever a therapist to reach deep within your criminal minds and have a one-on-one with the innocent voice within mind stop talking must be a mime you're seeing another villain already i thought we had something special shut up freak free betsy are you gonna let him talk to me that way it is so like you not to defend me how many others were there no don't tell me i guess the joke's on me and scene shut up make me come on finish me [Music] it doesn't matter i win i made you lose control and they'll kill you for it see you in hell [Music] welcoming you to the nearest mortuary medical drama life and death stakes compelling human conflict ratings you know it's funny this reminds me of a joke see there were two guys locked in a lunatic asylum and one night one night they decided they didn't like that anymore they decided to escape so they made it up to the roof and there just across this narrow gap they see rooftops stretching across town stretching to freedom now the first guy he jumps right across no problem but his friend oh no way he's afraid of falling so the first guy he has an idea he says hey i got this flashlight with me i'll shine it across the gap between the buildings and you can walk across the beam and join me but the second guy says what do you think i am crazy you just turn it off when i'm halfway across i can't believe you got him you expert rooting cute [ __ ] like god-loving marksman i love it you managed to find a way to win and everybody still loses the serums and the sharks took their toll and the dear lad began to share such secrets with me bruce it's true betsy i know everything and kind of like the kid who peaks at his christmas presents i must admit it's sadly anti-climactic behind all the sturm and batarangs you're just a little boy in a place playsuit crying for mommy and daddy it'd be funny if it weren't so pathetic now what the heck i'll laugh anyway do not expect any further statements the sons of batman do not make speeches we act gotham city belongs to the batman batman darling

Channel: Heroes & Villains

Views: 592,283

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Id: UtX-0sHEyPw

Length: 26min 51sec (1611 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 15 2020