THE GOLDEN GIRLS - "Dorothy Tells Off Her Roommates" - Compilation

[Music] [Applause] good morning Dorothy don't start rose okay I'm sorry that good morning crack was way out of line oh no it's me I was up all night thinking of how Ma's been hoarding all those checks from Phil and Gloria while I've had to go without well now darthy you really can't blame sopia for your sex life that's not what I'm talking about but since you brought it up yes I can if IID had the money I could have been living in a swinging condo instead of with I better not say anything till I've had my coffee a and a [Music] I'm sorry it must be decaf morning pussycat huh what's so pussycat about it you have any idea of how Furious I am with you all these years I have given up things so that you could have a decent life no more I don't need new shoes I want you to play Bingo no more I don't need that vacation you need new wallpaper my car will last another year all right darthy I see behind that mask you're angry you're damn right I'm angry you've been hoarding money for the last 10 years and taking advantage of me of course I'm angry no it's something else I think you didn't get enough hugs when you were a kid it's payback time come here cat why don't you hug your money ma from now on I'm not paying for anything you are on your own you can't do this to me you never touch the principal that money's for my old age old age you don't leave fingerprints anymore I'm in my Twilight years you're in the Twilight Zone Hopey Indians are walking around saying how does she do it Ma you're cut off I know Ma is faking she is not really paralyzed it's only natural for you to feel that way at the Counseling Center we learned that the first reaction to catastrophe is denial Rose I am not in denial oh yes you are you're just denying you're in denial Rose I am not denying that I am in denial if you're not denying you're in denial then you're in denial look fluff head why should I deny being in denial when I never said I was in denial you are the one who said I was in denial and don't you deny it listen darthy I think your mother's faking too but what if she isn't just try putting yourself in her position do you know how much it hurts to have someone you love not trust you I sure do rose I was about to tell a story I want to tell one Daran boy this is a nowi situ ation but go ahead blanch fine you may never get to hear my story then I'm wrong it isn't a no wi situation I was still in high school at the time and I was having an affair with a very handsome exchange student named Jean Pierre font blue I think he was French or something he was always sneering and he wore right we were never allowed to wear Berets when I was in high school it was against the St Olaf dress code they did let me wear a paper cap a lot it was long and pointy more a cone shape than a ber anyway John Pier must have known about my reputation for playing the field because right from the very beginning he was convinced I couldn't be faithful he would spy on me in my classes he'd follow me home from school some nights he would even shinny up the oak tree outside my bedroom door hoping to catch me in the ACT what act second act of my fair lady finally I had to tell Jean I could not take it anymore and we broke up I was completely crushed I guess you really liked him no I really lik the American boy he was rooming with Bobby Joe nent we'd been having an affair for months in the one place Jean Pierre never thought L to look the Eiffel Tower actually it was in the Cutaway o mobile that they kept in the driver's ed department at school oh Lordy the things I did in that car it's a good thing Old St Christopher had his back to me there's no doubt about it she's faking uhuh Dorothy I didn't learn to do that till I was married I meant M blanch and I'm going to go prove it right now hiar how you doing oh oh ma I feel dizzy oh oh there's a pain going up my arm my chest ma oh will you answer the door Dy [Applause] [Music] please do we have any orange juice left no we're all out all right I want an answer and I want it now which one of you has been dipping into my vix Vapor Rub I took it and my chest was already completely coated I did it out of spite because you lost the pre-measured cup of my nightquil rose I took your stupid cup and you know why because I feel lousy and being mean to you makes me feel better Dorothy's borak you can go straight to H double hockey sticks double hockey sticks oh what language my ears are burning r n you know what you are you are an A1 first class all around nerd oh honey I didn't mean that I'm sorry oh it's just this flu is making me crazy oh it's gotten to all of us do you know that we have been at each other's throats for two days I've been the worst I hope you two could forgive me oh girls let's make a pack let's promise we're going to help each other get through this mess would I be too big a nerd if I asked for a group hug honey of course D what are you doing we're having a group hug well knock it off the neighbors will get the wrong idea by the way I just called Harriet McConnell to cancel your reservations to the banquet oh thanks B she was very disappointed you all areen in't coming and I think it's because one of you you won the big award you mean the best friend of the friends of good health award yeah why what'd she say it wasn't what she said it was what she didn't say what did she say how the hell do I know she didn't say it I read between the lines Rose I wouldn't be one bit surprised if you won that award you know I think you're right BL I sure why you took part in the wathon and the bathon and the ton at the barathon but who keeps track oh blanch I think you have a better chance of winning that award than I have you know I think you have a point there Rose well sure you work for the senior citizens you put in time at the daycare center and you were the volunteer dubby for the fireman CPR class I don't forget that that program was my idea too well maybe you're right I might have a small chance after all besides you who else is there Dorothy please why don't you use your he doesn't anybody remember all the good work that I have done not really I was co-chairman of the committee to raise funds for the new Bloodmobile I sold 40 died cases of peanut brittle you really think selling candy is going to qualify you for that prestigious award oh excuse me I didn't realize that slipping by tongue to half the firemen in the county was the more lofty social well I guess that settles it I guess I won the award I want to go to that banquet and I I'm going to call my date honey if you can get a date the way you look you deserve that award well why don't you call your date too I would just love to have you there so you can eat your heart out when I accept the award oh don't worry I'm going to be there because I'll be the one accepting the award well if you're both going I'm going too I have just as much chance of winning as you do you have done some good good work Dorothy but not enough people like you sorry M what do you think do I have a chance of winning absolutely as long as I don't add a swimsuit competition hi Rose BL you around she just showing the girls some makeup tricks before we go to the movies anything I can do no thanks I just need to talk to somebody oh I [Applause] get you have a problem and you don't think that I'm sophisticated or worldly enough to help oh Rose I'm sorry you got a minute sure Dorothy it's about Eddie you know I've been seeing him for a week now I am having a relationship with him like I have never had with a man before in my life it is purely physical Eddie is the greatest lover I have ever had come on Dorothy if we're going to do this you have to tell me the truth no I am telling you the truth honey there is more to Eddie than meets the eye but the only thing we have in common is under the sheets what's under the sheets his cappuccino maker sex Rose I am talking sex we don't go to dinner we don't go to the movies we just go to bed and it is terrific all that in cappuccino [Applause] too but what's the problem did I say there was a problem well you said you wanted to talk about it well I mean can't one have a discussion without there being a problem well I thought maybe you were feeling guilty guilty I have nothing to feel guilty about I am having the time of my life I just wanted to you know say it out loud but listen honey don't mention this to anybody it's the kind of thing that most people probably wouldn't understand oh don't worry Dorothy Rose Nyon can keep a secret do you know what the name Nyon means in Norwegian no well I'm not telling [Music] you honey are you all right I'll be fine is this about Arie no Blan she's upset because they keep changing the taste of Coke Arie wants me to go away with him on a cruise to the Bahamas oh oh and you're upset because he wants you to pay your own way I'm upset because we'll be all alone in the middle of the ocean on a ship in a state room with a bed oh I don't know what to do I haven't been with a man in that special way since Charlie died get out of here it's true Charlie was the only lover I ever had and my first time was on our wedding night get out of here oh back off blanch not all of us are classified by the Navy as a friendly Port maybe it sounds strange but without Charlie I I thought that part of my life was over I never gave it a second thought until now then I think you should go on the cruise honey if the situation is right you'll know it but I'm not sure I'm ready oh honey I know what you're going through the bottom line is if you take a chance in life sometimes good things happen sometimes bad things happen but honey if you don't take a chance nothing happens I'm going to take a chance wonderful I have to look in my closet I don't even know what to wear with that first night on the ship a life jacket and a great big smile can you believe that after I Beed my heart and soul to that woman oh darthy you hide things from her all the time yeah but she doesn't know that I am the smartest woman in the whole world and I am the pygmy Queen no wait a minute blanch what would you say if I got a permit that would let you have as many people stay here as you want what oh that's terrific Rose this says I'm going to turn my home into a halfway house for recently released criminals yes Rose you are the smartest person in the world Burger World Rose if I use this permit any kind of scum could walk through the door Thieves murderers Men Who haven't seen a woman for 10 years who've been doing nothing but lifting weights and counting the days do I they remind me again why this was a bad idea oh BL be serious now if we want to stay together we're going to have to raise $10,000 well I don't see why I should have to raise any money I didn't create this problem I think the moronic Scandinavian nitw ought to pay it she's talking about me isn't she no rose she's talking about spikee Lee but don't get smart with me Dorothy just because you're out $10,000 me face facts I mean we were already roommates when you brought your mother in so either pay up or Sophia should move out oh thank you very much but if anybody is going to put my mother out in the cold it's going to be me no rose forget it she did sort of just dumped the old lady on us didn't you oh now your buddy buddy with a moronic Scandinavian nit witch jealous are we fine fine I try to come up with a solution the two of you don't even try to help fine just count me out of this well fine just count me out of it fine but it's your funeral nice try Dorothy but you'd probably need a permit for that too look at this face girls How could a child this gorgeous look lose I think it's a great idea oh sure it is if you like the notion of children competing in a bloodthirsty winner take all contest where what's on the outside is considered more important than what's on the inside lost the Little Miss Saint Ola pageant did you 23 years in a row once they picked eileene dip me's imagin Playmate over me well sure she was more talented but still I smelled a rat you mean the contest was fixed no that was my talent smelling rat lch I'm not sure that this is a good idea either I mean beauty pageants are archaic and sexist not to mention degrading lost the little Miss Brooklyn contest I practiced that trombone for weeks there was ma sitting in the front row sucking a lemon well you were just nervous because your mother was in the front row she was a judge you know what I think I think I can handle this relationship with Durk I'm going out with him Saturday night was there ever any doubt momentarily this is strictly off the Record but Dirk's nearly 5 years younger than I am and what blanch dog ears however I have decided to overlook that minor detail and succumb to the vvus of passion that is about to erupt from me stand back with we're going to get something on [Music] us I am talking about what's happening between Durk and me it's something really special something fragile and rare I've only felt this once before it was during my 17th summer and I was working behind the Cosmetics counter at the Rexall drugstore I was stalking the Maybelline display when I I heard this booming voice say excuse me ma'am where are the cuticle scissors I turned around and there he was our eyes locked and for one brief moment there was nobody else on Earth but the two of us please blanch Sydney Sheldon tells shorter stories I know in my heart if I just followed my feelings that day at the Rexall drugstore today I would be Mrs Andy Griffith I tell you what I'm not going to make the same mistake with DK that I made with Andy didn't she tell us that story before yes but the last time it was Woolworth a tonell Clipper and John Cameron sway oh it's been such a lovely day Mr Sunshine really gave us one of his biggest and brightest Smiles oh I feel like putting my arms around mother nature and giving her a big kiss hi you must be Dorothy and you must be Mrs Rogers no but we have a Mrs Rogers at the grief Center oh and there's a Mrs Rogers lives across the street and then of course there's Dale Evans the most famous Mrs Rogers of the allall um I didn't catch your name I'm Rose Nyland your new roomie blanch has told me all about you sorry your husband dumped you you can borrow my bubble bath anytime you want that'll help ease the Lonely Nights thank you oh I see you two are getting acquainted yes I'm just going to take my stuff to my room it's that second on the left down the hall there Dorothy the second on the left is mine blanch had promised it to me well blanch promised it to me too didn't you blanch whoops oh great great what are we supposed to do now back in Minnesota we'd settle this kind of a dispute with some good-natured log rolling no sorry Rose my log is in the shop what do we do now toss a coin okay all right I I'll take Tails okay Tails You Win I'll make it up to you Dorothy I promise listen if there's ever a night where you can't sleep I'll come to your room and sing Kumbaya Rose I don't know what to say yes I do don't ever do that well Rose what do you say we help Dorothy move with things okay okay gee this is fun already being roomies with you two bled I am so sorry oh I'll give you I'll buy you another one I well you can't that was one of a kind well don't feel bad I never really liked it much anyway it's just that my grandmother gave this to me on her deathbed she was very very sick for a very very long time I loved her very very much blanch why don't you just grind the broken pieces in her hand blanch I I know I can't replace it but I I want to make it up to you listen since this is our first night as roommates I'd like to invite the two of you to dinner at my favorite restaurant well that's very sweet thank you Rose then we better hurry cuz the strawberry blizzard special at the Dairy Queen only lasts till 5 come on I'll drive oh let's not drive let's skip there I'm just being silly okay go ahead and fire her Dorothy why should I be the one to fire her you're the meanest blanch that's not true Dorothy just looks the meanest we hired margari together we fire her together thank you Rose and by the way you look the dumbest morning everyone oh margarit I feel so terrible what's the matter with her she's a little upset she just found out that Jean shallot wants his hair to look that way I'm sorry I'm late but I had to go downtown to get some special herbs I'm thror to together another little aphrodesiac for blunch I better get to my work girls we can't fire her now she's making me an aphrodesiac use vodka and black underwear like everyone else can we just get this over before I lose my nerve why hello there Blane well doy Russell Hi what are youall doing here uh Russell and I just entered the dance Marathon really so did I yes it's for charity I thought it would be fun uhuh well have yourself a good time and try not to overdo it what is that supposed to mean oh nothing it's just that these things can be a little strenuous for a woman of your years who am i m Eisenhower I can last just as long as you can okay oh Dy please I think I do have a little more endurance than you blanch we are not dancing on our backs you take that back I will not you just implied that I'm an old lady oh well honey I didn't mean to imply it I meant to say it flat out you know what your problem is blanch you can't stand a little competition which is why you tried to keep this whole thing a secret from me well I noticed you're here too darly so you Tred to keep it a secret from me hi girls at two Judi no it's me Rose I'm so you two found out about this thing too huh that's right well let me give you a little friendly advice you're wasting your time because that $1,000 prize is going to be mine when I was was younger I was known as The Dancing Fool how old were you when they dropped the dancing P hello yes this is blanch Deo yes that blanch Deo and no I did not absolutely not I will tell it to a judge I will yell it from the highest mountain tops I will swear to it on a stack of Bibles now did that sound like a liar no it sounded like Jim and Tommy Fay on [Applause] Nightline hello yes this is blanch and how did you get this number and better yet why am I even talking to you I don't like you matter of fact I hate you you can just tear up my number and then go climb back under your slimy rock with all the rest of your slimy friends and don't you ever call here again Dorothy call [Music] Stan I want to shake your hand move it we're going to miss our plane what are we going to do listen girl I have an idea now I'm going to create a diversion by bending over and picking up something seductively then the two of you sneak up behind him and give him a karate chop blanch what do we look like Charlie's Angels I have been told I bear a striking resemblance to M Cheryl lad although my bosoms are pokia not even if you were hanging upside down on a trape now excuse me did you know that that guy who wrote Silent Night was also the original choice for potsy on Happy Days the mighty have fallen

Channel: A FUSCO - Classic TV

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Id: C5rIv7i3Di8

Length: 28min 3sec (1683 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 04 2024