The Gathering Room: Living in the Learning Zone

how is everybody I am frazzled because um we are doing some traveling the pandemic was a time of no travel I used to travel constantly and then it did happen a pandemic and we did not travel right and slowly slowly since the pandemic pandemic I've started traveling again but not very much until now now it's becoming a big overseas year uh Rose folks are in Australia we're going to see them we've got uh I got invited to speak in Europe we're going to Africa all the things we're going all over all the oceans and I find myself in a deep and meditative freak out because here's the thing my comfort zone shrank when I was not traveling because I'm not one of those I'm going to travel all my life it doesn't matter what they do to me I'm not one of those people I always was nervous about travel I like to as I'm a homebody I like to stay doing the things that I'm used to doing but I realized when I was 14 years old that every single day I should do something that scared me at least a little or I would literally end up living in a box under the bed somewhere so I learned at that age that there are three zones to life and we've talked about this before in one zone the center we aren't comfortable it's fine that is our comfort zone outside the comfort zone is what's called The Learning Zone that's where you're having to push yourself and make new Connections in your brain and create new experiences and learn to cope with them um uh Ro could you come check the uh it says my live video has ended on Facebook so we're out of our comfort zone here we're into the Learning Zone now outside of that if you think of it like a bullseye is the Panic zone I'm calling it the Panic Zone um Rose says she is there she's fully in the Panic zone so we've got a representation of you know the dog is in the comfort zone because he doesn't know I'm in the Learning Zone because I'm here doing this and row is in the pen so I'm trying to fix Facebook even as I speak so my point is two of those zones will shrink your life and only one will make it grow bigger and richer okay so the comfort zone will shrink your life but so will the Panic Zone right so if I say and never ever travel again not only will I be afraid to travel but I'll be afraid gradually be afraid to go to well during the pandemic I barely went to the store so it became kind of an adventure to go to the store um or I have to go to the Post Office how do I even do that I don't even remember how that works so your comfort zone if you stay in it all the time will shrink and your life will get very tiny but if you say I'm just gonna throw myself into the fire I'm going to go do things that are incredibly hard and scary like I'm going to write an entire Memoir on Facebook and just post it for the world to see and let the haters be haters and you're not ready for that what will happen is that you'll be so traumatized that you'll think you'll snap back to the Comfort Zone and your brain will learn that challenge is devastating and you mustn't do it so you have to stay in the middle Zone The Learning Zone the middle way as the Buddha called it I suppose that's part of what he meant when he said the middle way and the way so if you push yourself a little out of your comfort zone but not into the Panic Zone what happens is you do something that's a little bit scary every day and then it becomes less scary you have to repeatedly do it so your amygdala can just relax with it so you have to go into the Learning Zone a little bit outside your comfort zone and then relax if you keep going and you exhaust yourself or you become truly terrified or something genuinely bad happens there will be trauma you'll snap back to an even tighter grip in the comfort zone and it will be even harder to go into the Learning Zone so very well it's like I thought well I'll just tell them all to do that I thought but you know what life does that for us and it doesn't always obey the rules that I have just set forth can you imagine it's so shocking life will take you out of your comfort zone and push you into a Learning Zone more often than it will shove you into your comfort zone I mean the pandemic was a really odd circumstance and sometimes we're held in like that but even then we were terrified right we were learning in a whole new way so going through the learning zone is great and life will take you there but sometimes life will push you beyond often life will push you beyond the The Learning Zone into the Panic Zone and that will make your life smaller so what do you do what do you do when life has pushed you as far as your Learning Zone will go and you really really need to get back into this the middle of the middle way without retreating all the way to your comfort zone which will again slow or shrink your life so going out and coming back shrinks your life going out a little and staying until your amygdala calms down that's what grows your life so how do you pull back from the panics on when it looms this is the question I've been asking myself as we get ready to travel not only overseas but with a two-year-old who had is basically like a cannonball with legs and a very very strong set of opinions and in fact row came in a couple of days ago and Lila excited by all the commotion decided not to take naps anymore and naps were our one time to get things done to record podcasts to do our work to write things and Roe came into my room while I was working away and she just looked at me and she said she's not napping she has to nap if she doesn't know we are well I'm truly screwed and we both nearly went into the Panic Zone because we have a very very small Learning Zone other people have harder things to deal with than the baby isn't napping right now that was enough to take us right to the edge of panic but we could pull ourselves back and I've been in truly life-threatening actually uh situations and I actually find this more useful when I'm really truly needing it even in my life in general gets difficult so I started thinking how do you pull back from the Panic Zone and we were thinking about from Pain to panic where's the center and I kept thinking of these P words so here's the thing first you need a safe person as a primate you are one of the few animals in nature that when you need safety will run first not for a safe place but to a safe person and you don't need to have the Buddha or your best friend or your mother in the room in fact the person who comes to call me it will usually be yourself and if you can connect with the self that is at the center of your Consciousness that sees all the other parts with calm and peace that you can just calm yourself down using what I call a kind internal self-talk I've told you this before you just say you're okay you're all right you've got this you've done this before or you haven't done this before but it will be okay so you can be that person if it's your pure self if you can't do that you can imagine a person and I was thinking about Victor Frankel who survived the in Auschwitz partly by imagining very vividly imagining his wife present and some guard would be screaming at him and it was freezing and but in his mind he was talking to her and he just kept talking to her and he wrote that people in the camps who had a person in mind they could they actually outlived people who couldn't do that so you can use also audiobooks and um songs anything that has a soft gentle voice that's not only going to make you feel like there's a person with you but it will actually go to your it goes right through the vagus nerve calm human voices go through the vagus nerve straight down to our hearts to connect and to the place where we can be most calm so a safe person in whatever form you can make that happen next it is nice to have a safe place so again usually we're in safe places imagining that things could be dangerous then if you think of most of your life where either sitting somewhere as Byron Katie says no matter what you do you work and work and you always just end up sitting on a chair somewhere so we're sitting in a chair or we're lying on a bed or we're walking down the street and we're basically physically safe but we're imagining what could go wrong so try to reverse that negativity bias even in a dangerous place imagine what could go right or better yet don't imagine at all shrink it down to this to the actual moment where you're alive and stay alive that's what your brain is is built to do so one of the most relaxed places for me was when I was skiing when it got dangerous at first I would tense up which causes you to crash horribly but if you're in a dangerous position like you've just caught an edge and one ski is off the snow you learn to go completely limp and that will put you back in the physics will just bring you back into a place where you can absorb the shock I also learned this about getting um injections and like dental work and stuff I used to tense up and it would really really hurt but then I would get really really relaxed by imagining that I was in a very very special place where I could just focus on what was right around usually in nature so make the safe place the inside of your mind In This Moment either imagine a safer situation or be present in the situation as it is presence presence presence is what makes Place happen and then I thought you know it could also help to have plants and pets because I walk out into the trees here in Pennsylvania and I swear to God they have an energy they have a wisdom that call just calls me right down and so do my dogs and so do even the birds and the Chipmunks when I used to meditate outside with the birds and the Chipmunks and they would land on me I would feel such a Stillness coming from them even in their little their quick little motions in their psyches was a deep deep sense of presence and peace that calmed me down um and then a final P I thought about was permission because mostly when we go into the Panic Zone it's when we want to react a certain way but we don't have permission to do it we want to sob we want to shake we want to um tell someone how scared we are and we hide that we Tamp it down and what they found with people uh who go through trauma and do not allow themselves to shake or tremble or cry is that they get PTSD where people who have permission to shake tremble cry complain whatever it is vent if you give yourself permission to offload your anxiety with those physical and verbal mechanisms then it goes out and you can come back to presence so you need a person a place a plant a pet or permission any permission to let yourself be so the permission as you as you go into the permission remember these things number one lower your standards The Learning Zone if you're headed toward the Panic Zone this is no place for high standards that's why I do this live I would end up perfecting and perfecting it and then I would never do it because I'd be too freaked out so lower your standards and suddenly you're back out of the panic Zone into the Learning Zone uh Road came in after Lila had successfully learned to manipulate all the furniture in her room to try to open the windows and get out during her nap time Rod just came in and said yeah she's not napping she's never gonna take a nap again and she had lowered her standards of how her day would go and it was working well so surrender to whatever is happening even if it's not what you wanted another thing is permission to self-regulate a person with autism was telling me or I think they prefer to be called an autistic person that they finally gave themselves permission to do what they call stimming so there are a number of things that you can do like shaking your hands is one and all of us are on sort of there's a very vast spectrum of how we self-regulate with stimulation but things like pacing can work anything rhythmic rhythmic rhythmic music Some people prefer to move others of us prefer to hunker down and be very still but watch something getting done in a very soothing manner my favorite I'm not kidding watching people mix paint online this is a joke about watching paint dry is the most boring thing in the world I find it fascinating so you can go and find like there's also a man who makes pancakes that is just so so relaxing to watch him find something online that allows you to self-regulate your emotions back from Panic into learning finally space out give yourself permission to be really Spacey okay you're you've been told to pay sharp attention and like be on the you know keep your eye on the bun keep it going if you're in danger this is the time you really need to pay attention sharply no if you're going to the edge of the Learning Zone and you're starting to panic you want to broaden and soften your attention so literally look at the whole scene as if everything and it is equal and let your eyes go soft and this will cause your brain to come over from the left hemisphere where it's wrapped up in anxiety over into the right hemisphere where attention is very Broad and connected and everything is softer and that little thing other people will tell you what are you doing you're supposed to be paying sharp attention you're almost in danger no that's the time not to sharpen but to soften your attention and if you do this you have that little journey that I've talked about so often you go from surrender in the place of permission you go to surrender from surrender you can get to acceptance the way I wrote it with Lila's Nat or lack thereof from acceptance you can come into peace that's all right it's okay it's okay that I'm here at the edge of my Learning Zone and I'm kind of scared once you get to um acceptance you get to peace and peace is did I just say that I don't know if I repeated that anyway once you get to peace oh that's a nice place you can sit there right in the middle of chaos and be really quite still and from there you can go to gratitude which is gratitude for the little space of Peace which will make you feel so good when you've been almost at the edge of the panic Zone and from gratitude you go to appreciation like like wow watching this this one from appreciation you can get to Joy and that's where we always want to be and that is where I am going today as I look at your questions which always puts me in a wonderful mood okay Donna what if the Panic zone is a place that motivates you to get stuff done how do we allow ourselves to see the benefit of the Learning Zone well I also not trying to soothe with the comfort zone um in the comfort zone you'll get bored eventually and you'll want to take an adventure or life will hand you an adventure and then you won't have a choice that's the nice thing about it um the Panic zone is never motivating that's like saying okay I am going to punch you squarely in the nose uh every time you clean your living room uh isn't that motivating but doesn't that just make you want to get going no it does not it puts you back in the comfort zone so you don't say if I don't do this I'll go into a horrible panic and terrible things will happen that is the opposite of motivation what you do is you say I'm going to stay in the Learning Zone and I'm going to give myself permission to be with people who call me even in my imagination in places that call me with with plants and animals and all the things that that reset my system that re-regulate my system if you do that that's motivation that calm easy space watching the paint mixing online as a reward really really motivates me is grateful people put it online he says Wonder brings you into the Learning Zone too right oh that's a good way to go right like I remember once um maybe I shouldn't admit this it's over and I'm old um I was in Africa on South Africa londolozi and it was nighttime and right outside my door which was a screen door I heard something rustling and rustling and wrestling and wrestling and it went on and I got out of bed and I looked I went over to the window I looked up and this gigantic bull elephant was standing right there munching on some leaves and I went you know like they're dangerous animals don't do this I went into awe instead of fear and I didn't really value my life that much more highly than I valued the elephant so there came a moment when I left my comfort zone just I just slid open the door and went and stood by him like literally close enough to touch him I knew he knew I was there he seemed completely completely peaceful and there was I just I that's what I did and I will never regret it because I lived that moment in such complete Joy like right there at the edge of too dangerous again stupid thing to do don't do that don't do it but wonder will take you into the Learning Zone and um when it takes you into a place that you can look back on later and go wow that was I probably shouldn't have done that but it was pure wonder that took me there wonder is a very good motivation yay so Nan says let's give it up for getting in nature for a while lately digging in the dirt planting Etc especially before making any decisions or opening my pie hole thank you Nan that's really been some very good set of instructions for how to stay in the Learning Zone and and calm and relaxed while also doing a task that makes you grow and it makes things grow fabulous way to go out and stay in the Learning Zone uh Jessica says do you have a method of how to do this in a public setting can we do a little exercise internal without having to excuse ourselves to a quiet place absolutely crowds and crowded places are very over stimulating to most of us so you might get to the edge of your Panic Zone in a crowd that's what agrophobia excuse me is all about as being it's it means fear of the marketplace but actually it's fear of crowded spaces is usually the first way it manifests so the way I always bring myself back from the Panic Zone in a crowded space is that I pull my attention Inward and I imagine almost that my vision is going Inward and down so I'm focusing on my own center of gravity like my solar plexus and usually the eyes grow to about three quarters and I look at something that's right in front of me and then I broaden my attention so you can do it right now look at whatever's in front of you if you're looking at me on a screen or whatever don't move your eyes but allow everything else in your visual field to also come in by softening your attention and then turn your your your perception inward to your heart and watch it beat and then down to your solar plexus and just stay in the center and that will usually create a little private space right in the middle of a crowded screaming horde I've tried this at sports complexes and other crowded places and it works like a charm Steph says sometimes the panning Zone comes on so quickly without much time or space is there a way to stop the Panic from coming or is there always Panic associated with going into the Learning Zone No there isn't Panic always associated with it usually and it's really true you want to head it off as it comes close and if it comes on quickly then you may just have an experience of relative trauma whether it's a genuine horrifying trauma or just oh my gosh I almost tripped and fell down the stairs or something like that that can be if you have that in your adrenaline's up that's a time to immediately give yourself the Comfort the person the place the permission the pets the plants whatever it was that scared you pull back to your to your Learning Zone give yourself permission to shake through the trauma and you'll end up not having to go back to your comfort zone to be to be safe you'll be end up staying in the Learning Zone allowing your amygdala to calm down with the knowledge of what just happened and then notice that oh I'm okay I didn't die kind internal self-talk becomes very important after a quick Panic like that you you need to say it's fine look I did it I lived through it and I've got you I've got you self we're okay kind internal self-talk it's always helpful maybe Lotus says it says would something like watching the paint work if your Panic Zone means you go into freeze I often go right into freeze and I don't know how to get out well the same things I've been talking about will actually get you out if you can do it first thing is to find that safe person or place and if you're not in a physical in the physical proximity of them you need to do it very energetically with your imagination so there you sit and freeze and your brain is Frozen for a little while but if you start to breathe and relax lower your breathing then you can say oh okay now I'm going to imagine the safest person in the world is with me you know I'm gonna imagine that the Buddha or Jesus is right here with me and I'm going to get really really uh into my visualization and I'm going to imagine that I'm in a very safe place and I am going to give myself permission now to come out of the freeze by shaking and crying and all those things will help pull you back from the freeze into the Learning Zone Gail says I often think I should be able to handle more than I actually can and I find myself in panning zones when I was shooting for the Learning Zone any advice yeah that's great you need to bump the you need to hit things a little bit with your car to find out exactly where the bumpers are but you go slowly that's the point if you hit a hundred miles an hour you can die if you hit it at one mile an hour you won't even Dent your car you'll just learn how big it is so always like Edge out if you can and if you find that you've jumped off a cliff and now you're stuck with a panic Zone situation use these instructions go to the P's the safe person the safe place the safe pet the safe plant anything and give yourself permission to freak out all the way back into the Learning Zone and stay there with the experience to allow your brain to say that happened but it's okay that did happen but I'm not back in my comfort zone I'm here in the Learning Zone and I'm okay I'm still safe finally Rick says I'm learning how she says I'm learning how to quickly shift from Fear to that space between my eyes to find peace whenever I need it practicing this is helping me a lot thank you Rick that takes us right into the final minutes of our gathering room where we always do the space meditation and I when I said one of the things we need permission to do is to space out part of it can be by broadening attention but this method that we're using every time we meet now is even better and that is for those of you who haven't been with us before we think about imagining the empty space in the atoms and molecules in parts of our own bodies so the first prompt the most powerful question they've found is let's do it together now can I imagine the distance between my eyes take you right back to the Learning Zone can I imagine the distance between the top of my head and my heart can I imagine the space inside my chest can I feel the Stillness under all the activity of my body and whatever's around me and I hear the silence under every sound can I imagine the space inside every atom of my entire body can I imagine how that space goes on from within me to the edges of the universe without any disturbance can I imagine that I am always safe in this space well I certainly feel that every time we do it I used to finish by cheering and shouting as I begin but I find that when we do that meditation it puts me in such a space of reverence and awe and gratitude for you um it's just I I become quiet so I will be back broadcasting again in a few weeks until then or if you're listening on the on the podcast after this you could you will find that it picks up after a few weeks and I just want to say to everyone live or listening later thank you so much for being here I love you the space that is within us connects us all and we are all one more stay in your Learning Zone not in your Panic Zone hi

Channel: Martha Beck

Views: 2,569

Keywords: Martha Beck

Id: 5laotgv9w0o

Length: 28min 49sec (1729 seconds)

Published: Thu May 25 2023