The Fighter and The Kid - Episode 532: Jo Koy

hey boomer let's do it come on man I'm not posting right now guys I got weed Oh debride it Singh is sick dude don't it's multicolored come on blue don't be addicted cool no listen I'm this is this is I got to get back to my [ __ ] TV show I don't have a lot of time let's rock I got a ready to do this yeah TV show yeah TV show it's laughs out of y-y-ya commitment yeah man come on guys oh yeah I feel you man I got a this weekend I got a I got 30,000 people to come see me at a chase arena you know where they uh the Warriors they put enough Curry's Steph Curry yet - Zarina already Ana and that's a team with another team catch a sellout that arena it's just me in a stool not even the playoffs I feel great on a Thursday okay yeah yeah I get what the TV show thing yeah you let's do this you get to your TV show thirty thousand seconds I have a private jet in betweens so I'm doing Chase Arena on Thursday and then I get on a private jet fly to Seattle okay I do another arena and then I get on a private jet hands well that way you know likes where there's light paths why you show me the path lap list the flight pattern I know you're making your hands all creepy weed tight like you're knifing them yeah can we talk about hands yeah so I buy a cookie I trained karate oh my god so I buy cookie please tell him I buy a cookie and I go this is not vegan because the guy sold me and he said this is a vegan cookie I know this is not vegan it's too good to be abused gotta be butter and Adam Brian goes let me try sticks his hand like first of all who grabs a anything like this like it's a turtle yeah my plucky only has three fingers let's talk to pinky yeah dr. pinky grab your la crabbed it broke a piece off touch the entire cookie the entire cookie and then shoved all four fingers in his mouth to the second knuckle who's this guy and then pulled it out it was just good I had to clean all the chocolate on a finger dude well what I do is I drag and then wiped it off like that and I go I don't want to share any finger food items with you well because I drag my fingers along the cookie I started from the very edge of the crust drag along then just I know just to put my mark on my arms and then I broke it off I'm not saying that you like I know the joke is that you're everyone thinks her old that's what that's like coming to put a lot of people I know you're being a dick right now but the way you ate that cookie is old old that's like challah that's fair like someone that's in a nursing home [ __ ] fingers uh yeah I did I did I did with my finger I don't want it now it's it was look you did it you're guilty your honor you know you know Meadows ten minutes tell me that show how you did it sure I did I just show my you did I'm gonna go along here I'll reenact it Brendan this is there's no way this is vegan I'm gonna try yeah maybe you'll try it let Brian try a piece get your old buddy that's exactly how he did it right but he was talking to me as if no one knows he cramped all his finger to his [ __ ] mouth I was like he's telling me what you know you know I really like what you Bubble Boy did you just cram all your [ __ ] fingers in your mouth no [ __ ] given either was there Brian I'm sorry it's just I still trying he was the last one my fingers have my whistle are very clear move everything clean not what's yours go [ __ ] yourself it's yours but also when the show's done I'll try it joke Oh Congrats on all your success thank you so much it's kind of nuts it's crazy and I love you thanks to you guys well we do better we take credit for it seriously you and I suppose juice sneaker shopping bro I you know what's funny is this is what annoys me the most okay and it no no disrespect to anyone that's that's in the shoe game right now but but I've been a sneaker head since Jump Street right and when I mean Jump Street I mean the actual [ __ ] show Jump Street yeah man and like uh it's so funny that these little shits come to my show right it'll be like sixteen seventeen and light oh it's so cool Joker this you hit I don't like are you [ __ ] kidding me yeah did you not see you been doing I think I'm gonna make a video and show what I wore like my first special my first I wearing your first special uh Olympic ones and then my Tonight Show you know other V huh I'm sorry go get us coffee I wear blunt I found Jordan Olympic ones go ahead and then uh The Tonight Show I wore patent leather everyone oh damn no that's what I wore on my first puzzle game angry all the way over to the left the original EOG right there yeah it was super fast but I fresh that's what I wore right so sick so sick I still got him in a box you know what's interesting now is like the shoe game is so did when I was a kid we would like any Jordans the five sixes we drew up at like Foot Locker and we out you have to wait in line to three hours really we had a good chance of giving them yeah now now because you know people are getting robbed and shot and arms taking off as Linda throws for Jordan's so now what they do is it's only on the app so it's nothing's in person alright so but you I gotta wake up at 7:00 a.m. at 36 years old I wake up at 7 a.m. on a Saturday when I'm on the road yeah I get on the app and you got a just submit to see if you're in the is that a new thing battle but here's a prompt B here's the problem so sinker has like me and Joe we're not getting it these box then these companies are because they have these all this like yeah that just suck it all up because they're flipping them why I had a friend who's uh you know he ran with a rough crowd he he would sell some stuff for the Hells Angels and he goes I see him and he goes I don't do I don't do it anymore man you need some easy so what he is yeah I make the profit off that's more than anything I can do in the drug business here so I just have connect to the Yi's on how he's getting them just and I get the surplus and I just just shows that he was my flip it for way faster how much does he make on Yeezys for example thousand depend on which ones now there's a lot out there but certain shoes like specially dunks dunks are like right now sb dunks are like the hot what are dunks did you see the shoes times why do you act like this why do you ruin every conversation you just ruin every clothes role why you're like my dad be cool the second ones in the Valentine sense knows our dough Papa just got those that's cool I swear you're so annoying why I'm sure dope those are sick by the way those are all I got I gotta hook you up with my gut you're and uh el pasado that's in San Antonio but boy Jake does custom shoes for LeBron Beckham everybody that's he brought me custom custom supreme ones low tops show him those chin Brian go get us something [ __ ] no I want to be part of this oh I love some fresh kicks you know what I hate the most is like this would be such a great conversation yeah you're ruining well I'm not doing anything else you're ruining old I'm listening you're being very old no I'm not I'm saying it's like fresh and grow dope those are sick so he makes them for Nike he make hits the all the the other the materials are from where Nike gets theirs oh really office and just refurbished is the whole thing does its own style oh good I'm really nervous like a really detail how do they get that dope that dope you're you're annoying well why why get back on set bro I'm literally just sitting here as an actor as a working actor then time offer you how much say line again how long does it take you to remember your three lines in that show no first of all like three that's a [ __ ] anything mistakes I'm the star and also I have a photographic memory yeah and no one believed that that's why we're not completely July it I remember the internet shut down you know I you know you know I realize that when you're on a set of course we all know it's the death of fun you need a lot of ways because you're waiting and you do the same thing over and over again and the only thing you want to do on a TV show room is you better have people you can be silly with because if you don't if you I don't know how people can like Joaquin Phoenix how could they can just be actors hold that that preparation yeah yeah he wouldn't talk to anybody but director yeah like III know but for three months I would go but be go crazy since they won an Oscar yeah that's all he cares about that's right there's a difference there's a difference between actors like you and I can't act and have fun yeah and then there's actors who become whatever it is that's on that page and those people I say are clinically insane right and they're functional schizophrenic oh and I'm not trying to be funny or anything like that but you can't sit here and act like I want to hang out with Johnny Depp you can't well how about that you can't well I don't want to hang out with a pirate because he will be a pirate pirate what six [ __ ] months he will be a pirate like I go to Foot Locker and he's like let me do you one better so Daniel de Loup yeah let me do you one better okay lowest remember that movie my left foot yes yeah okay so it's about a painter Chris Christie oh he's a painter bring it up and he could only use his left foot he had cerebral palsy all right Doug removed and him you know that now now take a look at him as the actor in this first second I just wanted because as the actor yeah now now he basically was a simple act no no he had cerebral palsy but he was normal and all he could do is paint he could paint with his yeah now now up to the parable remember this movie now apparently and he wasn't even a well-known actor as it went apparently and he won an Oscar for it the [ __ ] guy had well he's booked it they got the guy had yes to the guy look at him the guy had people changing him and helping him take a [ __ ] and wipe his ass oh he went full on and he did that for I don't know how long it took to do the movie but he did it the whole time now look at him nah man that movie's sick but well that's why he's the best I know yeah he's willing to do things that others won't do yeah I'm not interested go ahead III got that character when they say cut and we like [ __ ] this [ __ ] man I can't do anything I'm done correct I'm done currently my other foot or or how about Jim Carrey for the grit oh you were 12 hours I was in had to give that 3 a.m. did you sign on MADtv and I was going crazy not month two months and my only did it for like I would do it for a week at a time and you get there 5:00 in the morning and they paint your face and put plastic you go crazy they say he had a crazy coach yeah who talked him into going somewhere else because they would just sit there it's so uncomfortable it's so uncomfortable it's so crazy that you just said that did you see the post of him on Instagram no I just saw it yesterday where they asked him about the Grinch how kids come up to him like like this is an old interview yeah and they're asking him how he got into the character uh and he morphed his face with no make up into the bro but if you pull it up and I'm not even joking that was him right there I saw it right no no that that's it that's it that's it watch this it's unbelievable another parent says you know who it is that's the Grinch and I go oh [ __ ] that's all my must find a wave to stop Christmas from Gabby you know pan-roast god dude was that not the let me I didn't let me see that yeah watch it again that's without makeup he doesn't need makers you know who look at this that's the Grinch and I go I must find a way to stop Christmas from gambling no bro I'm taking the guy happy yeah that's an athlete that's an alien he's that's a nail he is from another planet and that's why he's Jim Carrey is one the greatest of all things the greatest of all I'm gonna take my son as she saw it the hedgehog tomorrow that's the movies doing oh is that whatever Sony yeah god bad guide solid he's amazing that's who that is yeah I've even recognized I like the hats unbelievable dude the greatest of all time I'm sorry man he's great me myself and Irene one of my favorite I think he's astonishing like my friend my friend Joe Truman Show Me Myself & Irene is the most underrated movie that he ever did that's where he played three people yeah and crushed him evil guy - it didn't do well but Ben Stiller wrote it shut up good Jim Carrey was in it is supposed to be super dark yeah so the original take of cable guy was dark he would like kill people do super dark stuff yes and the studio's like uh uh we haven't it so that to change it and that's when like Stiller and uh Carey like other thing that's in what we were doing man yeah I love that movies I love that [ __ ] on it but I know I know somebody who to date him and I also know somebody worked with him for a long time and yeah and they always talked about how he he he was always he's kind of bipolar you always know they're probably on the set waiting for you well I was dying the guy the person I know is me and but he you as a comic and stuff remember he was like you know what I'm really good at doing impressions not doing that anymore as a comic he would destroy getting standing ovations not gonna do that anymore I'm gonna try something different it was always when he apparently with in living color always always [ __ ] around with different characters like he never stopped well you know at the comedy store he would go on he was one of the only guys would go on and he'd do something new every single night and a lot of times he ate dick yeah and so nights he came up with something but you just go on and do new [ __ ] everything a night this was so funny remember him oh my so he was to Milo so [ __ ] so funny oh my god hire Marshall bill that's great do you remember to stand up I remember when you used to do a t-rex personation it's just I would die and Clint Eastwood cleany ah so amazing man it's so amazing night paints are just like talking [ __ ] about drunk Chris Farley ever do stand-up no he saw him in another thing he [ __ ] makes me laugh Tim Meadows was saying he's just been on Saturday Night Live where they come into a crime scene as two detectives and and they look at it mr. [ __ ] there's a dead body and Chris Farley go [ __ ] all right play a pastime let me suck your [ __ ] because I think I know what happened here everything here was hilarious my favorite story about Chris is like everyone else is fighting to get there uh whatever they wrote to Lorne Michaels yeah I think Chris would walk in with nothing but then get all the sketches although of course just walk in with nothing never had anything but everyone's fighting Lorne please look at this I think Chris just walked in late and I'm like yeah let's give it to him shared an office with Chris Rock Sandler and say yeah so all of them would stay up all night writing and come and just [ __ ] around like see in the morning do you see my David Letterman where that one thing he did was like my dad told me don't make a fool of yourself don't make a fool and he goes I went to this fat farm and I was dancing he starts dead I was dying he goes we are the king come on he's the [ __ ] game you know it was it was do you remember this yes he just starts going crazy because apparently he'd be really nervous backstage and you know and then he will out and just destroy isn't that crazy with so in that town it has like anxiety issues or or you know the nervous like what do you never said that's why I David let him and stop doing Stan hey did the nerves of it cuz really it was every night hey did do it wasn't no but but you know they would not be whitey baseball time what happen you don't have to do that David yeah why I have my reasons why I have my reasons I got a either what oh I don't like he passed on you know I I did a show I did send about a show don't think he's funny was never a comic you know he's gonna be this large guild host I'm gonna be in host good watch this little will the greatest not not not close to he's just there for a long time not close to the Conan O'Brien oh look what's that guy got that got to go smart snarky snarky good you know you do it long enough you're gonna be okay but now I got nothing for David he wasn't a good morning how about that wasn't that's a fact he was a he was a weather man yeah and then he became a comic I tried to be kind of a writer well you know why he stopped doing comedy Jay Leno he saw Jay Leno's like how good he was and he was like a wordsmith and his grind names it go I'm not I'm not gonna do that like I can't compete with that how the hell do you get the show then and that crazy how do you live in a time right place right time good you know what that good yeah not bad probably pretty smart hard work who's definitely good he was really good oh yeah I loved watching he caught a sight guys he was I remember when he became famous and and I remember when he started and why people liked it it was a it was a time yeah when somehow that fit in he was so it was like jadianna what do you think Jay Leno's funny for those hosts like that's what you know but I like but do you think Carson's funny Carson was very good at what he did he was good so good was so of course some wood dude Carson's timing was was so available yeah I think Kyle I think Conan's the wall I love Kimmel - I like Kimmel viana I love camels out strike Fallon sounds good I like Kimmel I like and I like her own okay now what are they - the big boy James Gordon is great - don't know I don't know at the same time they do like the car karaoke hairdo skits mmm I love it he's killing it watching those shows though no one's watched many more like you're gonna get more eyeballs on this yeah I went on 100% Allen or so it's not the same like I I don't want to no hate but burning your material on those shows aren't like what they used to did you ever do I did this Tonight Show and I'm telling you right now man I did it with Jay Leno and what year man this is 15 years ago so 2004 and I got a I killed it and I didn't know how many people watched it because I was still working at Nordstrom Rack I was a shoe salesman so they would you know you bring the right foot to me and I go get your left foot in the back yeah and and yeah that one and I'm wearing a patent leather Air Force Ones and uh and every single customer was like dude you were so funny on this Tonight Show that's no lie that's so and then I got a commercial deal from this set I got a commercial deal from this set I got I went on this major tour for a cell phone company they were paying me like three thousand a gig I mean all from this set to change my life I was working at Nordstrom Rack and borders books at this time I was broke us and I was I was able to quit my job Wow job that one sentence of that Saturday night 4-minute said I did Letterman in 1999 look at those airports a guy named game cook as part of a new Cano allocated jeans those yeah well you were you nervous for the no not in the bag oh you don't want to cry backstage too because the Letterman passed on this set he we sent it to him twice and he passed he said it was a usual your physical he hated this yeah he said I was too physical or whoever was the Booker and then Ross and Bob saw me do this set at new faces at Just for Laughs and they say save that set we want to put you on the best night so we're gonna find like the best landing Morissette and Joaquin Phoenix yeah and that was and I got to stand I remember I remember you back then because we knew each other and you know you were killing back then like you would get up on at the Laugh Factory and destroy rooms so it's like yeah and then bladder man was like well what comes not a lot of talks on this book a lot of times it's not yeah it's not it's about I don't have a guy yeah they have a guy but also a lot of times it is there was a thing yeah well he did I that's what they said you say this is Jay he didn't like I know the Booker's I know news book is pretty well and they're awesome but they were very very aware of what he liked very very and to get a style they were tuned so they were very worried if involved that let's go to Jay Leno no they were good they did a great job job before we go on about Brian's past and you know his issue with David Letterman this is also a guy who doesn't think Brad Pitt's berrytown Oh see I never said that and Tom hey never said that you do that I never said they're not did he say that I said they don't do anything I've never gone to a movie for those guys they're other actors I like you said you went you never went to a movie with Tom Hanks no never on Hanks well almost never made you want to buy a ticket Tom Hanks is awesome but that's not why I would go to the movie necessarily for whatever reason it's like people like the police and the cars the great bands never never really spoke Brad Pitt Brad Pitt is a movie star right he's a movie star it's just it's just a different thing and III think he's awesome in certain I loved him and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood I loved him in heaven and in seven he was great made him a star I loved him I know a club he was awesome so certain roles he's throwing awesome you know anything with his shirt off yes yeah he was great and Thummim noise I'm not saying that he's a success not an accident it's just I'm what I'm saying is that there are other actors as far as just acting who can who become characters what do you say about him though what do you say about red Nick I don't go Ryan Brian shut the [ __ ] up there sorry what do you it's okay sorry what do you what did Brian say about Brad he essentially said that he never went to a movie specifically because those men were in the film and then he started to double down and said you know what I don't think he's that good yeah did you dance what you said you're not that good you have to face that man that's exactly just what an awesome well yeah you don't say something like that right now well what I say that after I saw Once Upon a Time in Hollywood you took it back yeah sorry take it back right now I'm sorry that I said he's sorry is not that he's not that good he's a [ __ ] movie star yeah and he has magic yeah charisma oh you change all but and I'm telling him and checks all boxes I'm telling you man whatever you know what I thought was lost him about once upon a time in Hollywood is his ability to be great in silence like his timing is impeccable of course I just Pat in the past there are other people that I I think are better yeah that fight scene between him a Bruce Lee I love the rose all up in arms it's overrated yeah but that's but okay this is this is my take on that movie my take on that movie is there's a lot of people in this industry that have stories yes there's a lot of behind the scenes yes and they are elaborated and embellished stories this is once upon a time I lived next to Sharon Tate yeah yeah and you don't believe it I don't know what the killers a couple like yeah it's right [ __ ] Hollywood stories one spot yeah I was on the set with Bruce Lee and you know I don't believe it man the [ __ ] was at the crash came up beat the [ __ ] out of him yeah yeah and there's other actors like what yeah and that's why that was my take on that that was like I don't know why people up in arms about it I thought it was I love that that was the Chuck Zito story who was in Hell's Angels who knocked out Sean Claude Van Damme and when I was doing Oz Chuck was on the show so all of us has actors back tell us the story about when you knocked out jean-claude Van Damme and there would be a story was that it was a Hollywood story yeah now I don't just don't say hi and I don't know what I believe the Chuck Zito will punch you in the face that data but he's very resonant Hells Angels you know how many stories I've heard from Jamie Masada about what's happened upstairs at the Laugh Factory on some big names that I would never ever say publicly really yeah yes Brown imagine the movie that I could make just off of those stories yeah you know what I'm talking about you've heard you you've never have you ever talked to Jamie oh yeah yeah exactly it's it's not good no and I and I've heard some bad ones and the funny being is one of they're also like and there's other there's other old-school comics that back it like yup oh yeah and you're just like what because you know what comics are and should be misfits and let's be honest let's be honest all of us you you and me everybody we know but at the end of the day are trying to control their miss Fitness yeah there there miss Fitness NISS yes you feel like you miss fit Joe I feel like what it is is uh we've been blessed with such an amazing job and our job is to just be her cell then I don't think we can ever like take real responsibility you can't yeah I don't like one thing I that really annoys me is when someone goes guy can't she be serious and I'm like no no I can't come ake millions of dollars I make million this week millions of dollars I don't need to be depressed and in my [ __ ] ears right now and I've always loved you for that yeah I've always loved that you cuz lot comics aren't this way what I love about you from day [ __ ] one is you celebrate other people's success oh wait you're always positive yes and you're always [ __ ] hilarious and as I get at 50 [ __ ] three and I'm old and I really say this you know what my new goal is dead serious shut up I'm not shutting the [ __ ] up please shot in the [ __ ] up but I'm not taking myself seriously yeah no more at all no I don't want at all d3 no dude it starts to you know you really need fish oil for those joints right but your joint no that wasn't a point that what you're getting here no I opened myself up and now you guys have been a dick about my eight I know you gave me a really nice compliment about how yeah then he went right to your knees and how how you don't have time the time is limited now cuz you're you're on the other side now the back you're on the other side yeah you're having down the hill and then come back now you know what else to respect a lot of time climbing up that hill but now you're [ __ ] your role in my own time so yes I'm gonna have I'm gonna have my day your day bro you're going back on this set yeah but I'm not sound like 30,000 tickets on my villa no you're not well actually that's just the two shows in San Francisco if you add up the whole weekend it's close to what we figure out you okay 60,000 again all right Joe I'm trying to sell it the West Palm Beach improv this weekend I'll be there for Valentine's Day Friday Saturday Sunday I'm [ __ ] quitting stand up joke joke joke but the thing is about Jodi so I was I was at the store where some I was son you'll be top five comics points on tickets that's crazy for shine for sure 100% you know I was so nervous to push cuz you warm on sale like literally I was never I was just like I don't want to do this I was so comfortable with the improv Xand and then and and my team was like let's just try the let's try the form and I had this bucket list I put out last year it said form Staples the dark constitutional hall where Eddie Murphy shot delirious Radio City Music Hall and I said the Sydney Opera House and I said I want to do it before 2020 so we put them all on sale and they all sold out in minutes oh my god it [ __ ] is like on can you do a commercial for my West Palm Beach I always promote you Brian it was crazy I always push you and I think I think every comic should celebrate other comics like you said I agree why wouldn't you when your special came out I [ __ ] loved it I pushed it I promoted it thank and this is before I was even doing this show by the way I think you know what I mean I love you yeah the best man I was come on kolchin dude I can't believe this though 60,000 tickets yeah that one was in the round in Hawaii I did two of those that was 20,000 somebody does the that sure is that your nephew there that's my son oh that's right I love how many just the form hold the form is 13,000 no comps by the way it was so funny all right back to back all right Joe 26 okay 26 in change cups what are you doing with your money so funny they're like on your artist holds Joe do you want to release something I was like I don't have that many friends go ahead and sell Joe and get Brett well we'll get Brian in we'll get Brian a ticket no doc don't do that was crazy that's NJPAC I'd see that and I did that three times what I did two on the same night look at that and now Bryan Callen your headliner you guys now Bryan how many times have I asked you to come to my show to be honest I've asked you so many times to come to my show you mean that you're to come on my show to go to go up and perform I've asked you and I've asked Bret I've asked you come I'll come once let me come to a tight out I don't give a [ __ ] that's not what I want from you okay you just you just I want to keep them there I want to contain them yeah because you leave it all the whole goal yeah man the whole goal is to keep them in there for a certain amount of time give them a [ __ ] show yeah so you would go in there three like salt and pepper like little three four minutes you know whatever your that's know so it's something do I fly up myself and the night don't fly you I got a private jet you got like ah you're like ten open seats but like but uh no generally if I reach in huh and what would I do you want me to do and you got just yeah be them zebra maybe James this is so good [Music] just got real I feel like crying yeah song makes me want to cry just watching that that's things so dope I know I joke around man but I pinch myself every day some money let's go spend your money what's good now what are you now now everything's free you know hashtags look but have you what have you done for yourself what indulgence have you given yourself because you're always the same well I don't really tell people what I do with it we're just really nice clothes and [ __ ] gems jewelry he knows his watch Brian let me see your watch you don't want to see it's a gold rush man it's what do you have over there this is Submariner so mine's like two of those yeah dude you've got to stop your bitching 87 lucky good yeah the gold is the weight is less ominous and you're doing it in a subtle shitty way dude I'm just doing it for comedy let's talk watches and I'm not being real like no I don't mean it but yeah it is it's just it's a cool dude it's just this guy dweller for solid gold ok man see let me let me touch it it's heavy it is really heavy all right all right Joe cuz even like you know that little hand that I think it's called the second hand yeah it's cool it's ok ok you don't know how to touch it you grab it like a [ __ ] cookie you grab you like the cookie you're putting in your mouth no [ __ ] mouth you hold the face all right let me hold the face don't be a dick man you know what I do is I get your Joe but I would do if I saw at the forum I would buy a watch to celebrate that by a Daytona you guys you love your watches yeah watches and I had like a lot and I wouldn't wear this had a lot of heavy you know I bought I bought this one find the kid 3d you went number one on it that's beautiful but yeah I want that one oh yeah I love that one oh that looks terrible on Brian this is not before you let me see how are you you want to go acting her I could hell it's a great watch I help you with your dish you have a bunch of them let's get you a lot well I only do Rolex that's my favorite that's John my son they're all for him yeah heavy yeah well it's the heaviest and biggest one from rolling oh yeah I dude okay you don't even know what you're doing stop stop you're [ __ ] making me nervous stop aah Oh give it to all right it knows how to handle [ __ ] literally just touching it I gotta lick my fingers Golf is good really heavy gold tastes [ __ ] good ah give it to can you give it to I don't know how to do rape ape over here I don't scratch it sorry to get my finger ma on it I just got spit on my hand from his fingertip let me smell that golf hey dude I'm just joking by the way you know that right we're dead serious thanks Joe well you know what that's my camera which one's my that was the only way have you had worked on in your face cuz you look tight no no it's that's asian so like what do you have Asian jeans yeah you don't get that many lines across the forehead right so yours is like like a tree like when you cut a tree if you count I say to the tree there's like seven rings like your pieces are eating every ring is 10 years yeah so that's like I say it's more like a packet of baked goods have a pack of bacon yeah yeah say that about my face man I'm wearing makeup so the the 11th okay so you know when you cut a tree yes did you see the Rings I hate this plant account you can't count how old the tree is and buy the Rings I know you said you like when you like like raise your eyebrows no just raise your eyebrow no that's a black surprise real quick like look up look up Wow yeah each line is like seven years no it's not how many did you count 10 no don't what is 7 times 6 I'm bad at math it's like 79 or 4240 there's the other thing so then that's wrong yeah yeah that's wrong it wants peace one more time fine I'm gonna do it again but don't I want I won't nope you know me I'm not shaky come on oh you forgot the line in the middle of his eyebrows hey there's no so 7 times 8 is 56 am i right your your head is like dog ears each line is like seven years can't say my face is a tree and like dog ears you can't say that there's eight lines across your head oh there's times that by seven seven times eight is what it if I get my times eight is what bright seven times eight 56 58 how old are you I'm 53 boom Bryce ik Brian Brian same bag in his lids done though yeah yeah we talked about I can't see well I've aged that's the difference between 49 and 53 that lat eyelids you can't see my eyes yeah it's like he has a visor over both eyes now and it's from years of boxing sports well it's far still [ __ ] by the way [ __ ] I [ __ ] well yeah well who knows but here's my question you still [ __ ] I was gonna tell you no I don't know now you're a prude look at you I don't want to talk about that with you you just smile you just swallowed with your mouth open you went I'm sure I'm sure hey hey I'm sure no girls like the outer cells 60,000 tickets in two days let me ask you a question don't don't [ __ ] betray with a swallow trying to be yeah hey bro what you're already relaxed your [ __ ] you have this makes you hungry like Letterman just before he's about to be hey take it easy look at me playing with your watch I just want you to ask that question while holding they know you're trying to deflect oh hey Joe your fourth friends yeah oh you know I want you to do chalking bring up bring up Joe's Sam Adams commercial there may be classes that made me cry can I make you cry you know that made that almost made us you do really we started on this I had to get it together that's nice my mom it was nice Joe is you did it for your mom who actually was super considerate and enjoyed it and then when I did for Brian he he didn't care no I did I did care actually all the jokes I don't want to work this is my dream come true oh that's the view from my house comic yo yo yo de have you seen this jo koy stand-up comedian and I'm here to toast my mother how you gonna make me cry without her none of this would have happened now is that your house yeah freak pepe coolness be cool we [ __ ] cool dude that's my pool suppose it's a music notice story that makes me yeah you [ __ ] thank me but grateful [ __ ] my mom sacrificed everything to make me the opportunity to live my dream and this toast was the best opportunity for me to say thank you when I get your hazelnuts my eyes out of my [ __ ] face I know this is my favorite commercial damn I'm not kidding are you serious right I got it sweet ours is old and not bad family what I said I want to be a comic her head was like what are you crazy that's your pool I know it looks like a hotel is that a four-season feeling yeah this is a great commercial know we live in a country where dreams are possible and it can't happen just give me some time since day one I wanted to make sure that the world could laugh and when I tell your story on stage it's something that I'm very proud of for years I was like how am I gonna talk about my mom I didn't want to go up on stage and just be like oh I'm Filipino and Filipinos do this and I take the shades off you're gonna be like oh my mom does the same [ __ ] I mean you do be great and then probably you wanted me to be a lawyer well we digress now I see being a comedian my goodness I mean you're 1000% secure Sam Adams it's grassroots its family what I take from that is the same thing that for my mom and that's why Sam Adams is the best beer for this toast the reason why I brought here today is I wanted to toast you this is hard harder than I thought when you came to this country was to give the kids an opportunity that you knew that you would never have everywhere I go people will be yelling your name and they grab their hand and I know it's because of you so I also wanted the moment I'm so proud of you you see you started this you're the reason why I've been able to do this thank you for everything you sacrificed so this is for you but I love you dude I can't all right you doing hard without dude I can't even take a close-up slow down lady you want some more nobody could have put that to [ __ ] you oh is that the purest form of love between a son and a mother though I can't believe made that for you I can't take that commercial now you just made me cry everybody's crying now yeah just life are the same Adam guys send in her office all of them good music everything I'm the mastermind in Brian's whatever ours is great but I look so whole I mean I I'm a tree - I thought it was great I loved it but I can't watch that either that makes me emotional but do I show it on the thing we don't do that enough we never you and I never do that you and I never do that ever were you taking the time to just like yeah thank somebody or if you want me to cry though but you know if you want me to cry if I if I've talked about my brother my dad my mom yeah it's dude yeah that did that was hard says like especially because my mom did not want me to be a comic for so long she just didn't get it idiot am i right all right but it's like she's an immigrant mom she comes from a very hard place but that's how it's work she wants yeah yeah but we're talking about someone that came from the food so it's even harder where nobody from and her whole thing was like I'm gonna have kids but I don't want my kid to be in the position where I was when I was his age that's not why I came to America so for a hint for me to choose something that you know to hers just like today it's insane what are you doing and then like I remember my son was uh when when I just had my son he was like eight months old and she took all this money and gave it to me she was by a car you said needs to be in a nice car and she started crying and I was just like oh she has I'm working at Nordstrom Rack chasing my dream to be a [ __ ] comedian you know I mean and I'm just like godlike but I didn't want to like tell her I'm gonna you know I didn't want to say I'm gonna quit okay mom you're right like I just give me some time it's gonna happen yeah that's incredible that's it's incredible understood I said you know what's interesting now is like let's say your son wants to be a comic it's just it's obviously you have a different perspective because you are such a successful comic but it's just like even if he wants to be a comic the chance of making it's not good no especially growing up Wednesday was I went oh boy how was I when you told me you wanted to be a comic yeah Brendon was like I want to be a comic and I was like this he does your joke about but I was like oh like my voice got high well yeah oh you want it that's what you want you know it's like because yeah Tommy Elvin tells the story about how when my first set in the belly room how he sit next to you and you're like man he's so brave but it I mean this is it you know it's right it's to take him at least 15 years look I couldn't help but worry I know I know I mean I'm just kidding I was just I just know the business I know I know but that's what I'm saying like I was like in a micro rapport yesterday because he had this interview my figure was on unbox or something with a tie Lika leave I think it says his name but rap was talking about how when he was a kid in New York how he would go to these all black neighborhoods even be on this bike it was like the hood like Brownsville and they would call a white Mike and he was the only white kid but like you just learned like that street code and that's how you got was able to talk [ __ ] and that's just that's what make makes Mike rapport Mike Rappaport right he's an amazing dude and I see the interview and I take someone I love the interview a lot of stuff I didn't know about you I said doesn't it bother you your kids will never experience that I know where you live you know where I live our kids are never gonna experience it like the like Annamma same gang membership I'm talking like that street code we're like I'd be on my bike you know we'd go to this neighborhood and play pick-up ball here something like that kids aren't doing them no they're not you're right I leave the house we have Mart we have the hoop there we have the pool you know video games I would say they'll did the way to get out of that yeah that maybe is too just like knowing I would try to do with my kids is to get them to be into something and then when you try to get really good at anything no that's gonna combat be life god I'll talk to my people yeah like street lights were on and like you'd be a little dicey cuz I'd be going through this neighborhood or me my brother you know would beat these guys in basketball and you know that they didn't like that and it's just like this isn't part of living in LA though like this was this white til my girl I went this is why we're not going to I said this why I consider moving back to Venice because you can get it in Venice a little bit you got to watch your P's and Q's in Venice yeah you go down a bit Kenny we go the boardwalk on a Saturday or certain areas in Venice you gotta watch your P's and Q's yeah [ __ ] you I get it palisade you're not getting it yeah yeah I there's a sense of danger which I don't want as a father yeah yeah so I kind of do want you know Lisa mixed up with different people right like a you get it coming into contact one things about New York City is that you can't help but to be next to a homeless guy next to a dude has no money who has a lot of money you're around people are different right it's in LA though too but on the pal side you have to go to and you are walking down the street in New York right you smell it you actually are touching it you're yeah they're having to contend with it yeah but maybe in Denver you know grown up in Denver it was like who I dealt with everyone yeah Romilly black neighborhood ride our bikes everywhere weren't sports and Young's were the way you you know you stood out from people's like you know yeah I was talking to I forgot who I was talking to but I was just like I remember I was on the road and I was getting an uber for my son so he can go to his friend's house and I was just like bro when I was his age if I went to my friend's house it was either walk or ride my by yes I didn't call my mom and arrange a ride yeah you know what I mean and that was a very big decision I remember my friend me like yo get over here and I'm like I see in five minutes yeah yes sir and I would ride my bike through the ring I appreciated it more yeah I'm saying like it was a big deal to get to my friends now they're just you know I don't know what you do I don't know you do I think that there are new challenges for kids and are digitally yeah I mean I think every generation is gonna have their own set of issues to negotiate navigate and that maybe is no longer relevant but there will be something else that but it's all about your character also back like oh like you know the back then we didn't we weren't aware of all the dangers like we did the kidnappings and the rapings and people doing the stuff to kids and now you're very aware of it though you know now there's helicopter parents yeah so Jonathan Hyde said that that's like that is your chances of a child being abducted are literally so small but we are all terrified of X it's the unimaginable right and so it it was I guess there were some high-profile cases no cartons had kids on them and it just changed how everybody parented their kids everybody everybody well yeah I'd rather yeah II don't know how they used to be you were allowed to let an eight-year-old nine-year-old go to the park alone you are that you are I would not allow the time when people get arrested I would never but you know what here's the other thing I would plant tenants until midnight yeah dude we will Bolton I can wait in the park everybody there's nothing I can name the part of my childhood Park it sprinkle recreation yeah mine's Utah part in that crazy my son does not have a porch not play tennis and basketball all night summer we would go until [ __ ] like 1:00 a.m. and we just play with the lights I'll drink like coca-cola and we straight man we would heroin thing we were doing heroin knows what you try not one up a stack which ones my camera man I don't know here's the other heroin hold will you guys let's see these do heroin oh [ __ ] don't challenge the kids to do it that's not kids oh [ __ ] don't lie wrong kid no no don't say kids heroin heroine play some basketball get a little suck nah man damn it talk you're trying to ruin our brand fighter the kid heavily endorses this message diksa go far you go find your Park watch how I stop this hey you [ __ ] bro stop them in this fat man you can't you can't even swallow right now I asked you a question I asked you a question I'm gonna ask you again do you [ __ ] you can't even answer it man you might be a phony sixty thousand tickets my ass are you dip no no no that's real though you should have seen that deposit I made today and if you want to challenge me on a bet no I'll pull it out I brought my back man no just in case I don't know hold for all it you want to go wallet for wallet Oh since you were bragging about that goddamn TV set you gotta get to know but that's it we were getting copy Brent were you right next to me Brendan when he said that yeah you did it goes through I gotta hurry let's get this pot I got to get to the TV set if you I like pretty much lapped hard because awesome doesn't want to do it bro you want to settle the bet wallet for wall all right that's so gauche now I'm just saying I have a Noblet full of money you can challenge that or you can go with the deposit slips I did Sam triple everyone last night and I got [ __ ] cash on me to take pride yeah but I have a lot I'm awesome Oh about kids to be when when when I left there's no cell phones so in my mind my parents think they're whatever yeah go to the park he's good you're going the part just make sure you at the park we'd be at the party then come back now there's cell phones tracking them I I think we're better half taking a chance on our kids I think we're better off taking a chance on letting your kids do stuff on their own and taking that chance at the end of the day that's the irony of it all you're better off you might be doing more harm ironically by cloister italic opt ring and let them play on their own and navigate their own lands I think there's a devastating helicoptering and then just being like present kids aren't allowed to play alone and then settle their own problems either what happens is kids going on authority figure now because there's always somebody watching and supervising playtime and Jonathan hydroids writes about this it's a problem because it used to be kids [ __ ] around one kid got bullied yeah and guess what figured it out certain schools for sure yeah but now it's like it's all being supervised it's really weird and it's interesting to see where we're headed yeah yeah okay here's here's my problem with that is uh is there a difference like now that this whole bully thing and then there's people supervising I still feel like the kids are still individuals because my son ain't part of this whole conversation right now what do you mean whatever just like this whole like this movement this this kid movement and anti-bullying that everyone's supervising Buba blood my son is not even in like one I don't even talk to him about that [ __ ] and he's got his own opinion about it and makes fun of it maybe right yes yes so like like with all the news but on the news of this dad's joke or my face no but what I'm seeing is real good but the other thing you gotta worry about too is like like when was specially you guys you guys are older when like when you get bullied at school smash so you guys oh you guys got bullied at school yeah but what do you when you guys got bullied at so here's something right ya know you were always my favorite I know I didn't beat me know that you're being really mainly him okay mostly him okay cool yeah but you know you know time up but when you get blade in school you go home you know and there was like I yeah yeah face that tomorrow what everyone navigate to it but now kids are getting bullied it's 24/7 yeah bullying all online Twitter Instagram just toxic [ __ ] all 24/7 for those kids so it's just a different game yeah that's true they also have that did you say Twitter bullying too or like Instagram bullying Graham yeah I think it's man is I don't know I don't my son is on snap he's not on Instagram oh really yeah so I don't know if there's comments and [ __ ] on it they do that on there did they do such at bullied Ian can you hate on people on snap yeah I mean I had a younger cousin who when she was still in high school what though like popular girls would do was post photos of her onto their snapchat and then people would start a thread Wow people are called you know what those people are called [ __ ] I agree those are [ __ ] oh that's so awful man some real content yeah there oh it's not social time so girls they say are socially way more aggressive than boys oh and so boys are physically aggressive a punch in the face girls girls for each other socially they destroy relational their [ __ ] click yeah they destroy others in middle school and middle school girls their anxiety levels have like my daughter thank God is just into what she's into she does her thing but I mean it's really hard for those girls this yeah I'm sorry how old my son seven that he's gonna be 17 in two months doctor here believe I just said the thick of it he's in the I think of it yes now he's cool that's why probably social media yeah no I wasn't bullied I was so funny though you're fun I was ready and I and I was so like I was insecure but my humor got me through it me too so I was I was blessed in high school you were athletic really good-looking so I never had any problems and I was funny how crazy your hair was thinning in your face was always old is that so big that's a fair thing I saw a baby picture of your face take it back and usually well usually babies have a lot of wrinkles and they go he'll grow into it yeah cuz it's loose skin yeah you've never grown into it you still have the wrinkles there yeah it's such a jerk to me right now I would stop sunbathing I don't son that would stop sunbathe I stay out of the Sun I'm on set all day that's that's more soundstage in front of your lights lights lights lights lights um well this is uh I'm really uh jealous of your success hey your feets are casual I can't stop laughing a sad day hey I'll be honest you're being a jerk dude I'm proud of my [ __ ] Tina hey Bo I love your show it's very funny your cast is amazing Tim come on Tim is amazing why don't you come get your amazing I'd wrap already be this last week got four more episodes best oh oh we lied to us you said this is last week no no that is true he did say that no I said you know no I was going jump on the bandwagon I remember that yeah I remember you saying that and you're like this is my Latin yeah you lied oh I know Lila listen no I just I mean just the [ __ ] yeah did you see that did you have after this did you have a favorite movie did you like Joker more than parasite oh I haven't seen parasite yeah and you guys are you guys gonna hate me well I haven't seen parasite I've noticed I didn't idea that weird Joaquin is amazing I can't I can't I know girl I couldn't it's a heavy move it's too heavy it never happy I'm sorry man acting phenomenal Joaquin is amazing huh will you miss Brian I loved it I loved it I thought it was a masterpiece I personally did but that's just me it's not masterpiece but it's heavy yeah I watch it on the plane it's Mario I'm Santa Tony I was like oh this movies it's too heavy I don't have it dude movies are like music there's genre yes you know saying that that's not my genre yeah I can't there's some people that love that you have a favor obby Lee loves to cry yeah Bobby Lee loves a movie that makes him cry it's like I cried at [ __ ] Harry Potter he'll say some dumb [ __ ] like that I'm like what it's like yeah they're do you not understand the story I'm like Oh weird Bobby what the [ __ ] are you talk he's about using Bobby's great he's amazing he is he's my friend like I love by [ __ ] what I'm comic you're not Bobby's friend unless you seen his dick eight times that's probably at least eight times and it's exactly how you think it is yeah it's exactly what you think it is what very straight very straight pubic hair yeah yeah very straight pubic hair they just how's that hot girlfriend good for him dude I know you got a dick blessed you get it Joe get your dick out and you [ __ ] huh okay Joe Joe come back Joe oh did you have the birds of the beasts talk with your sons no no no I got that kid tricking up he's working it yeah yeah stall yeah my dad but I didn't to my dad no you knew I was I knew yeah like what's up what's up woman I'll tell you how I caught him yeah please are you guys ready for that you install the camera you're gonna [ __ ] [ __ ] was my camera is a bit smaller than 100 on your eyelid by the way that's Yoda my camera guy shut up he does all my videos doesn't speak or and look she's not a word yep he doesn't speak one word of English but we communicate well Yoda a lot of hand gestures so yeah that's how your bowing you look super friendly very sweaty Yoda yeah you gonna tell that's Yoda and uh let me get my hand you know what's crazy Brian is uh we were out when I introduced some Toyota and I go he doesn't speak any English and then Brian walks out to me he looks at me he goes how does it work what's a breakout how do you guys communicate yeah you know Josie you know does it he kicked the chair he pushed the chair with his foot he went if I want to I just go dude you're too rich now what did he get up he did I can't and back no Joey you can't and you can't let me lose your foot no now you're now you're no don't do it don't man that's so no stay here Brian come no dude stop gesturing that's so rude no no no no look no look no your show world tour sure you don't have to do this dude you don't have to do this [ __ ] your beat oh that's the other thing Josh I'm the best merch in the game yeah ha hey you're being super disrespectful Wow no no he's allowed you're he's not your solo date so he's not your Godsey a date so to camera he's not your goddamn robot man oh oh oh that's so prude you're I'm sorry you don't have to do this this is America this is not acceptable the guy's bowing to him now why are you doing you're doing a good thing wow man did you study yeah I said he cut up I didn't know that yeah that was clearly a [ __ ] I am I mean I study and I know the difference yeah let me see your fist we need a Yoda oh there's there's a lot of cuts and you trained I trained secretly yeah Wow I'll fight man what as long as there's sharp objects or glass around you're down I'm gonna use it if I come at you ask a Chicago diner 15 years ago what happened so if I come at you I'll throw something at your [ __ ] face well what's crazy is your face is made of leather no so wha no you've been you don't cut you've been mean about you don't cut okay I bleed just like everybody else yes I do I bleed just like everybody else and I cry and and I you ever tried tear leather in half you know you can't impossible that's your face no no that's your face you're being where's my camera you're being so rude a enemy is it the small one yeah it's the big one it's the big one no the big one okay man wealth has made you such a jerk to top it you're mean - hey little Yoda though I want my own yo no dude online you have a brother no you just go online yeah he has a part and he's not talking to him so it would be kind of cool the same room they won't even talk to each other yeah tell Yoda I want his brother forever no no God money please stop doing that to Yoda he's a human being he's not your [ __ ] servant hey is his brother name yarmulke god damn it is 70 them to get water no no no no Yoda you don't have to do this you don't have to do stop doing that with your hand Joe you're [ __ ] so rude god I'm so jealous I think Joe can you tell the jerk-off story please ah [ __ ] man I want my own Yoda yeah calm Yoshi oh you can have a Yoshi I'm so I'm so appalled at this [ __ ] are you offended I'm so offended right no what's crazy about the whole thing I have a huge hard-on I know it turns me on - I don't know why I oppression turns me on Yoda speaks English you jerk-off come on you really didn't see me smoking yeah I swear I didn't cuz he was looking at me going I knew from the Joe this is a very this guy's from Japan and he's super polite I didn't know you I truly if you thought he was a robot hell I believe you speak English fluently yeah okay but he is from Japan he looks so friendly though he's so friendly Japanese most amazing samurais that he's the most amazing camera guy in the world he does all my videos on my Instagram my job he's one guy it looks like multi camera it's just him he's got three cameras he runs back and forth he gets the shot he comes with every customer I take him everywhere you have that DJ - I have a DJ yeah that's the other thing I tell people all the time I'm stuck with some other ghetto in San Antonio with the comics I've seen the one well one of the many things you do well a your marketing your merch but the one time I opened for you in Brea it's a show man there's a DJ I think it's well you know like when you went like really come out let you know stand up Makenna boy like he's like [ __ ] it's a show West Palm Beach they're screaming Britney time I killed by the way I want you to know that I'm gonna come out you killed that [ __ ] I told you man just get on stage I'm coming I'm coming do you put heat in front of you yeah you promised you mean could calm like oh not good great oh oh you know what I do not take young really talented people with a lot of potential I don't take somebody who and and you guys know you got to put [ __ ] babies I always do Leo flowers eight years in the gup-a park rushes yes Stevie blue eyes crushed all the time yeah my boy Moloch B who's young yeah [ __ ] people oh and that was always it like Rogen though you won't talk about bringing kick killers like look you always bring to me I don't care bees comment I bring beasts yeah but that's how you Chris D'Elia used to open for me right uh this kid now Eric Schwartz kills for me he's crying cause it's great Eric Oh get like Stan iou's in front of me and then I look at him go alright I'm gonna make sure they forget your name and then I walk out like it like alright where's my camera oh man but that's what you gotta do I learned that from Cedric the Entertainer I opened for attentively the story no I opened for Cedric the Entertainer nod and this was like this was like 15 years ago and I had my son I remember the Indian Reservation wouldn't let my son on it sceptic it was like just that a mom and like just let him in because they were like strict can't have kids on the property yeah cuz that a baby it's a casino and I and I'm just big I had nowhere to go like oh I got my kid you know I mean so uh he get he somehow he gets him to come in lets him in and and I go up and I do my [ __ ] I do my Tonight Show set bro I'm doing all those [ __ ] bangers just bah bah bah like 15 jokes compact into like what we I think he gave me like 10 minutes yeah I got them all in there man just bangers bangers good night ba 3,000 people they're jumping up I'm walking on stage in my head I'm like you ain't gonna fall yeah good luck bro yeah no I'm being serious you know [ __ ] up [ __ ] and I look to my left and Cedric's got his goddamn fedora on matching outfit you know me and he's bouncing he's looking he's like that's rump talk about jo koy make me work for that [ __ ] money tonight let's go ask and he shook my hand and walked past me and I'm like oh [ __ ] cuz I would've never said I would have been like [ __ ] this show yeah it was done I swear to god to always be my love always my philosophy and every time I hear about a comic who has like some shitty comic I'm like that guy's [ __ ] doesn't have any confidence yeah what is it you're a [ __ ] you're the softball lob what you don't hear about people have a shitty comics ropers yeah you do I mean I mean now you got it you if you don't and it's not fair to your audience either like you're gonna charge you should've give them a good show you got to show them like one you're the headliner so like you make sure that whoever's in front of you crushes and then you show everybody what a head Leonard I've always said that 20% of the audience if 20% of me is saying the feature should have been the headliner you're doing your job like that's a great show yeah I mean I remember Mike Young none of them say that for me I don't 100% you are the headliner yeah I'm making a point I'll have someone open like they'll say that I'll make a plan I know I know but I'm just saying like for me no they usually go holy [ __ ] did even was there anybody else on this like anybody lately forgot that said I heard the story about Cedric the Entertainer when they did that the Kings of Comedy Tour yeah so a Cedric Steve Harvey by the way back your this is crazy are we on the same wavelength right now like I'm not even joking with you because the Jim Carrey reference I'd literally just saw that yesterday's a collage thing and then this Kings of Comedy you can look at my Netflix queue I just watched it the other day some days ago in my line Yoda you had two days ago we watching he's never seen it before and and I was just like oh my god I could not believe Steve was the [ __ ] host did you but that wasn't [ __ ] he blew the deal went up and [ __ ] first it birdie but you know Bernie Mac at the time he was gonna like host yeah opener yeah they did one show and they were like everyone was like oh [ __ ] yeah you need to be like what do they do so DL Hughley wasn't in the originals there was another guy and when they went somewhere the guy complained he didn't have his I forget who it is the people find out really so they had three limos and he didn't have his own he looks at Steve Harvey who organized everything and he was like yo man where the [ __ ] my car SEMA excuse me here's where the [ __ ] my car yes cool story dude they did that show they kicked him off which guys I brought in Bernie wait who is it who I don't know the comic but they but they kicked because you're hating me but the first night Bernie goes off tonight and crush like harder than all of them they went they all had in the in the locker room that night we're like so Bernie's in girl ass from now on and everyone's like yeah yeah I'm of course Hedrick TL Harvey awesome on that height of the the chitlin circuit like like Ron no one knew who the [ __ ] Bernie was this guy was doing stuff he was even doing improv sister was literally doing the underground circuit yeah so for him to come out swinging like that it's just [ __ ] my favorite part of that whole thing is I like the mini Docs that they put him in Sweeney Jack and uh and the one with Bernie when he literally looked at the camera goes it's my turn [ __ ] yeah they already got shows onions show yeah give me a [ __ ] show man who did not only did he get a show she cut the movies he got everything what people forget to is a Bernie at the time when they got done with Kings a comment or those other guys are pretty set but [ __ ] burning here bro Ocean's eleven well they 1200 Cedric was on Marc Maron and he goes people what people don't realize is Bernie couldn't go anywhere like that's like Chappelle at what Journal Chappelle is now learning Mac back then his ticket what about died they had that disease that got your lungs P now I'm gonna die let me yeah you [ __ ] did we go to break no Keep Calm no you like you know kind of connect like yeah yeah yeah we're actually it's actually probably better a fighter in the koi that's right but yeah a fighter in the koi well there's a K already there can you record that can you record that I want this documented there's already a K so the fighter in the koi kind of flows so do your set bro which ones my camera right which one's the camera yeah but they said Bernie Mac meant after that just unbelievable couldn't go anywhere they he was basically what Chappelle is now back then because Cedric was saying like people forget like he had a set that he had a 7-minute set the viewed for TV before he got on and Cedric sets the the best stand up he's ever heard in his life I said no like it he would do it all over and nobody want to follow no [ __ ] just such a monster monster harvey was the brains behind all this oh yeah it showed he's a hospital dude I'll turn you though that opening set I was like what in the [ __ ] no I remember looking at Yoda I go Yoda I go D Elle's gotta follow that yeah he's gotta follow that I saw DL Hughley at one of my favorite restaurants yes at my himself oh that's a cool pad yeah well I got I finally got to do DL show and I just I paid homage the man and I and I told him how much more I saved up just to watch him perform at the Aladdin theater yeah when I was living in Vegas of how I was addicted to comicview and how it was my dream to be on that show Wow and uh and the way I got comic for you was crazy I was working at the dolphin habitat and I found out that comic Vee was actually in Vegas doing a show and I asked my manager if I can get off and I and I literally went home put my suit on and I had a fake that's me right there and had a fake no that's Apollo the bats come with you and then put that suit that berry suit right there is the one I put on she and I went to the event where where comicview was went to the security guard when as the security guard ever helped anybody and I go hey I'm a comic and I just want to try and get up is there any way I can talk to the promoter and he went got the promote now what a good dude yeah so he went got the promoter her name is Yvette Anderson big shout-out to bopi and Yvette and her since she came to the door she goes we already got our show set you know I wish I would have known about you but the next time we come back to Vegas we'll put you on right Wow so I was like oh all right it's all good there was a huge line to get in I was talking about how I got comic view and um and there was a huge line to get in and she looked at me she goes do you still want to watch the show I'll [ __ ] ya you gotta remember this is like 1995 or some [ __ ] I can't remember what he says yeah that's me and then uh and then she let me in right and it's packed it's packed and all the comics are late duh right and she looked at and everyone in the crowds going crazy like the pissed because they're like it's 45 minutes later like it's supposed to start at 8:00 it's like almost 9:00 and then uh and she goes you want to go up and I remember she had this this big-ass camera was a camera a Canon gl it was maroon and white it was like I knew what that cameras cuz I always wanted it was like a five thousand dollar camera I always wanted I Cameron I go I go if I go can you please record it with that camera because I wanted to use it as tape tape yeah and she goes oh yeah got it she set it up for me and I went up I still have the video and and I went up [ __ ] I get a standing O right and uh and then bopi and her on the side of the stage and bopi goes we're gonna put your own comic feet and that's literally how I got I was working about the dolphin habitat and I remember going to work the next day often habitat I was really at the dolphin habitat the tour guide as in dolphins yeah how was the tour guide and one of the tour guides goes comicview is here because I was such a comic VPI was such a deal hugely fan and Cedric fan and uh I was like what and I literally asked my manager if I can go home and I literally walked up to the door with a fake resume and I handed it to the security guard and that's how I got on because I feel like you're getting closer to what you want like it yeah I was doing it six years yeah maybe six years and you're doing you're doing might know and in Vegas didn't have comedy clothes no you're good my was doing literally like copy however you can I know the big club back then was a big movie theater women's ledger grind when yeah it's like back then before you could even get audience no you don't understand it was such a grind like just it was just so hard waiting there is no comical all the comedy clubs were closing across the country remember the comic view was closed I mean uh Comedy Central was basically it was a good thing because everyone got to see get exposure for comics but it was a bad thing because known was going to the comedy clubs anywhere because now they're watching stand-up there'd be 12 people in the original it was nobody the main room is always empty yeah what does the name mean nobody was ever and the original room and have twelve people in it yeah we'd be doing it was always subdued I you know what was on my resume that when I handed it to this to the promoter I said I opened for Bruce baby man baby man bomb do you know him Bruce bomb remember him and Vic Dunlop those are my bro damn and she let me in and literally I got comic view and they flew me out two weeks later I was on comic view and where was comic of you filmed that it was in the UH at the Commerce Casino I think like somewhere here in LA that's Bruce baby man bomb and how did your sect on topic for you I got a standing oh I got you uh you worked at the dolphin habitat do you have secret knowledge of dolphins I I know I know that hot I know a lot here's what I uh this is this is what I used to do there's twelve of them in that habitat well I don't know how many there are now and you know I take him underneath right and there's a bunch of windows and then pee ask questions but you have to name them so I go that's that scooter I would name the real names by the way that scooter that's banjo know them you knew them Alysha whatever and then and then at the end of my tour they go which ones Alicia and I was just pointed any gray one because I didn't [ __ ] another now it's no now were they were they unhappy or you couldn't tell okay so they told us that the rake marks are natural behavior that they always play fight and bite each other on the tail she's [ __ ] dolphins look like they were knife fights 24/7 they're great here we're [ __ ] locking rake marks all over the body and just do ratchet each other each other they would just fight all the time it wasn't until I you know got older and started watching about mammals and watching it watching you know about dolphins and well that these are family members that are stripped from their families and brought to another family and put into a house what's just some dudes so there's a dude and a chick um either just looking at each other swimming and like live and yeah live but by the way they're mammals so they hate each other yes one still looking for their dolphins were against each other they wore that pods worgen yeah they're dudes oh [ __ ] each other man no gay yeah hey Jay they were so aggressive in that pool and you would always have to say oh they always play fight they weren't play fight and that's they hated each other it's just like you know I mean it's like it's not a natural pop well it's like an often in Mall of America [ __ ] it's idols I'm so against it now that I learned I've never thought about it until black so of course you're in them but then you see it and you hear them crying L somebody say yeah it's sad man it's really really sad flipper and I've got 15 minutes kids before I have to go back to act and I thought we'd do some current events let's do it well it's not doing the reeds by myself dude don't quit them again I'm sorry before you guys do this can I ask Brian a serious question and don't get it don't get mad at me don't be shitty um well have I been yes very much so worst of all time now now be nice what we can ask I'm just gonna ask you okay have you memorized your line the one line Joe that's a shitty you're being you're being a dick and your fake sucking that right now what oh man there be so means I got though don't be that way I want one so bad oh you get there cheap I want my share cheap dolphin ah let me kind of guy I want my own Yoshi know his name that's not his real [ __ ] name it is Yoda yes Yoda dude let me speak let me speak to him in his own tell me Joe oh that's ow oh but you can do it because you have these two I speak some John oh my this shirt man because the Korean that's Korean way more Korean no that is that is that is Japanese watch acog II do Shiro Bavaro really yeah that's a swear very racist what is that oh I hate oh that's all that's a swear word right yeah I know what up what about please don't stop how about you I am old here is saying I'll I'll translate go [ __ ] I thought that I was here dude say just be Japanese and I'll do the voiceover how you did I am comedy you carry my face she don't eight lines equals you're kidding 90 years old it's like when you get a agent tattoo you think it means like life and I mean [ __ ] dolphin did yeah I thought I was I heard that in a samurai movie and so I've been doing that Oh Lord Jesus I've read a lot of Japanese literature you'll have you know I've read a lot of Japanese I read a lot of Japanese authors and I'm like these [ __ ] - this is racist I'll do I read a bunch of Japanese book I read offf Yukio Mishima spokes red bananas boxer what the [ __ ] is this banana I went through Nana's mom I went with Jeff give us you have this good event let's go let's save more than okay this was submitted by hey soos Duran there's a clip of a stripper falling down from a 15-foot Pole that went violet I'm going to show you guys have you seen this oh she's bad fractured her jaw fractured and broke teeth she broke a couple of teeth I love her dad starting to have learned because her jaw was [ __ ] up love her well done sweaty feet she fell correct it was a 15-foot Pole I would have a shoe rub it with a 20-foot pole who does that how did you do it was it just how I think she just did something wrong with in her routine and then she fell uh you know a good point I think there was something very wrong with that root area yeah yeah yeah they're very wrong a 15-foot Pole in a strip club first of all no disrespect she's a badass okay I love her I would definitely odd bless her god bless you I'm glad she's healthy when you're looking at [ __ ] popping uh it you don't see it from 15 feet up so let's just bring the pulse down look at her right good think she didn't fall on that girl below yeah whoa break that net why should grow she came hard dude and stood on her for days she's a badass okay the show must go on is what I always said you 100% show must go 100% down dude what else you got what's crazy she made no tips on that one to know what threw money no I would [ __ ] rain that night I went it she did break character she did break no she didn't break characters my back she got working not fast enough that's true not playing she was concussed though oh but that her teeth yeah this might be my boater so I said okay so there have been a bunch of videos going around where people are doing this broom challenge some he said it was rumored that nASA released a statement saying that on a specific day any broom that you would try to stand up straight would stay because of like the earth is it's a tail the rotation is in a very specific place where grooms will stand up straight which is was clearly [ __ ] but then these videos end up going viral and now people are just crazy so NASA say today is the day the only day that your brain can stand up on his own and watch this oh my god yo no streets nothing no that's correct that's crazy well the earth is flat why it's Jeff how do you know that uh Triple E and uh Eddie Bravo it's stroke duh so I believe it how are these people do now is just just trying to find the balancing point that's it but this went viral and then a bunch of people said that it didn't work on their brooms cuz they had the little Asian ones like it doesn't you know what I mean we're passion sighs you've been ordering him around you've been calling him Yoshi no no I want least I'm the only one who speaks the language here I can ask what Nana's banana what that one was pretty great and great writer great nation I don't remember his name though you know I read a lot of care I'm gonna go out on a limb and say his name is not bananas yeah I've also been to knee fall sorry well it doesn't it did this doesn't validate what you did to my friend Yoda over there yeah that's yo de when you pretend that's just not a Japanese ice do you want to hear his real name you want two years earlier let's see you can say your real name the right way with the perfect it's Steve you [ __ ] racist a is Yoda is his [ __ ] nickname cuz he's a Star Wars fanatic alright god Pan Steve yeah it's short for stevedore all day you're not browsing you're not smelling move as well Steve I'm glad we're seeing your true color yeah man no sorry Steve holy [ __ ] light the cross on fire all right so the rocks eldest daughter has officially signed on to WWE and this makes her officially the first person to be in the fourth generation of like wrestling family really the great grandfather yeah but there's so many wrestling families hearts all of them Mads are the main roads flare hey the Otters a champ the she's the fourth one though I think there have been a whole wide scores it okay I'm gonna season tomorrow I'm stupid I'm slow I'm slow that's dope have you ever seen her mom have you seen have you seen rocks uh x5 tomorrow nope nope don't play takes aunt appearances as the rock Oh Jack are you saying this really natural she's jacked jack city has uh the rock always been good-looking son of a [ __ ] yes yes the guy's 50 what now no 47 no he can't be younger than this younger he's 50 right I think you know he looks phenomenal man like phenomenal there she is oh my lord that's his ex oh and that's with my boy Phil Heath blood does X do I okay that's how sorry I'm sorry that's impressive huh oh is that guy who's that guy Phil Heath used to be mr. Olympia seven oh that's him Denver he's from Seattle originally stop yeah I played at you you dumb breakdown really played a deep sorry either way he's from Seattle but yeah that's the Rock's ex-wife damn she's young she manages him now to manages the rock yeah oh you know what else she buries it she end up being his manager yeah no doubt so they're still best friends yeah pretty close Barry right you know else really knowing that great you know manages the zero it's alright man dude not a good yours not a good way to get them on the show lock is not a good way you're saying the rocks not natural it's good looking good looking rid of them I don't think the rock I think the rock is natural all the way one other section whatever yet all right let's move on to you know who's on roids oh no I'm not don't nod to me like that don't spread rumors about me just because I'm naturally muscular leather face or no face do you have a picture of the face gosh I could pull it up look at pull up leather face and tell me this is it Bryan Callen just like waking up in the morning that's upright Callen no that's upright early in the morning no no before you put on kind of moisturizer oh that's so bright there I bought that mask before on Halloween it's not the Bryan Callen that's called the Bryan Callen right there there's that new doctor is it Netflix the the mr. rinks stealing [ __ ] jokes and I talked about doing a TV show so old that I'm sell shirts that say rah rah rah rah rah rah rah hey you bro you [ __ ] [ __ ] I'm buying that though this Halloween hey Bryan Callen I gotta go I love that because they will kill me if I'm late again you do the reeds on your own or I can come in tomorrow do something I'll come in tomorrow do drast a man yeah just do it real quick let's just knock them out together the three of us okay let's go we got do we have any more to we I do up kita yeah and uh if you guys would do honored as well look I'll be three hey if you guys want the best supplements on planet Earth and you want to look like Jo koy and not me you get on on it you take on it I love all right yeah that's why I'm on it yeah you're all mine I'm honored chance on it shins on it on a.com slash know what I love about shin ever since he's been on it yeah you can see his chin that's exactly that's no [ __ ] and it's draw very chiseled look at that shredded dude the protein powder is sweetened by monkford I don't know if you know that doesn't spike your insulin mmm yeah you knew that I need that yeah don't let the Alpha brain be alpha brain you want a clear [ __ ] brain you want to increase your memory and focus you won't be good will be ill I'm okay comedy yes Mountain brain they got an instant instant mix it in your drink and drink it yeah look it smarter auto cops last Friday 10% off yeah you want a [ __ ] well they got stuff for that too okay I don't know man I want to be on it on a dot cos Spyder love it represent off you know I be the one thing health experts dieticians athletes and top performers agree on is that your perfect diet doesn't exist dude it doesn't exist man cuz you need you need some help you need some help yeah so why don't you shut your yapper and swallow athletic greens ultimate daily all-in-one health drink 75 vitamins minerals I thought there was only four and they're they're free sourced ingredients you bastards comprehensive nutrition without the need from multiple pills powders or complex routines it's a complete supplement for a better you dude here's the thing its power to form you put it in water I was trying to shovel spinach down my throat doesn't work don't need to do that anymore it's got probiotics and prebiotics too and fiber all the fiber you mean I didn't know there was such thing as a prebiotic until on it now you know this is basically like swallowing twelve servings of fruit and vegetables alright start each day the right way with some athletic greens that's not compromising ingredients and sourcing it's gluten free dairy free Kate keto paleo vegan friendly vegan friendly and contains no harmful chemicals no pesticides no GMOs and it's used by top performers entrepreneurs athletes and Olympians yes will they're taking steps towards a healthier lifestyle or you're an athlete push up for better performance athletic greens gives you the nutrients you need for a body to thrive why not just try it jump on over to letti greens.com slash fighter and claim the special offer today a free table with 20 servings of all-natural New Zealand source humpf st. grass-fed whey protein with your first purchase that's your micronutrients and macros covered all in one I guess athletic come on athletic greens calm / fighter but I will say this that I used to take athletic greens a lot so that's my this product and I believe in good pitch athletic greens calm / fighter athletic greens the official sponsor of the fighter in the koi I like it don't like that it's got actually awesome what is this now dude this is Kyoto bars dude oh yeah he eats bars that's right man key bars are keto friendly seriously do delicious might be the best bars I've ever put in my fat mouth you know me I stay thick dude yeah but I'm trying to be on this ketogenic diet so I need tasty stuff thank God for ki eats bars with absolute no sugar they're sweetened with FDA approved keto sugar replacements um they're entirely plant-based so you can use them you're clean keto do clean alright we love the ones they sent this my favorites probably the chocolate chip cookie dough like these I can't wait can't wait we can't involve watch you how about you guys know he eats dot-com fighters and put all yeah yeah and then lick your I use my key to go to she eats calm / fighter try she eats bars for free that's right three free bars with free shipping that's key eats dot-com / fighter Joe quiet love you I love you more you're the best Thank You crowd of all your success all [ __ ] aside you one of my favorite people in the world thank you for doing the fighter the best man come see me at the West Palm Beach improv this weekend Friday Saturday Sunday jo koy doesn't need any commercial provisional need any thousand [ __ ] ticket - yes I'm in Ontario there 20 tickets left for all shows then Thursday Friday Saturday Ontario improv next week Vancouver that [ __ ] almost sold out to Vogue Theater Just for Laughs comedy festival Vancouver and I closed the month in Tacoma Washington favorite 27th to 29th get your tickets now theater run coming up Atlanta New Orleans do Troy Toronto Minneapolis get your tasty become I added a show Oh show where Kent Washington oh wow the adil Washington added another Seattle don't get mad but I added an arena show yeah I'm happy cake it's hopefully somewhere I mean I go to tea pack a calm and you can get them off my website further if you come to the west palm beach in Maui get you half ticket price tickets to Joe quick this is the fighter in the koi we're out

Channel: The Fighter and The Kid

Views: 422,508

Keywords: the fighter and the kid, fighter, kid, the fighter, the kid, brendan schaub, bryan callen, brendan and bryan, podcast, vodcast, podcasting, fox, fox sports, ufc, mma, ultimate fighting, mixed martial arts, Big Brown Breakdown, Brendan Schaub comedy, Brendan Schaub stand up, JRE, Joe Rogan, Theo Von, Chris D'Elia, Will Sasso, Bobby lee, Tigerbelly

Id: WxOWrvaE2ZM

Length: 93min 21sec (5601 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 12 2020