The first step is always the hardest. Taking it sometimes seems impossible. And even if we see the path, it takes a lot of courage to follow it. It often seems much easier to stay where we are, even if we're suffering. For many years, I was staying in a dark place and I suffered a lot. I suffered to the point that I no longer felt anything. I felt like I was stuck, like I had taken a wrong turn in life and I couldn't turn back. And of course that's true. We cannot turn back time. But what I didn't see back then is that we can always take a new turn and change the direction of our lives. Since I started my journey last year, I have cycled 7500 kilometers. And only now am I realizing that I have indeed taken this step. In retrospect, everything seems logical. As if it all had to happen this way. When you're cycling long distances, it might take a while to realize how far you've actually come. And that too only really becomes clear in retrospect. I have made it to the Balkans now. The gateway to a different world. But before I got here, I had some steep mountains to climb and busy roads to survive. I've just arrived in Palermo. It's very early in the morning. I arrived with a ferry right now from Sardinia. And it's a really magical moment. There is nobody on the streets yet. It's really quiet and yeah. Really looking forward to explore the city for two days. However, that didn't work out quite as expected. Sometimes all these problems come together. I went to my hostel. I wanted to stay here for two nights. And the guy instantly told me, "You are not able to put your bike here. There's a private parking. You might check that out." I went to the private parking. And the guy told me, "No, that's not possible to put a bike here. It might be possible to put cars or motorcycles, but no bikes." As I asked, "Why?" He just said, "No." And as I went out of the private parking, thinking about what to do next, I realized that I've got a flat tire. And it's my first flat tire after starting last year. So after 6,000 something kilometers, I got my first flat tire. So I've got to fix that and fix one problem after the other, I guess. After fixing my flat, I spontaneously decided to move on, since I couldn't find a safe place for my bike. I love that about this journey. I can easily adapt to the circumstances and just make a change of plans. I can't find the right words how beautiful this is. You just drive along these windy roads along the coastline and you get around the corner and you've got the feeling that it gets more and more beautiful. It's amazing. I'm almost crying because this is so lush and it's just amazing. I will now be traveling along the coastline until Messina. But before Messina, I'll be heading up into the mountains. So now along the coastline, it's pretty flat and windy roads and beautiful. And in about, I don't know, 80 kilometers, it's going steep like this. I have no idea what is or what was wrong with past me. There was a point in my life when I was avoiding the mountains at all costs. And now it's completely the other way around. I became friends with the mountains back in Spain. But here in Sicily, I really fell in love with them. And at some point, I was really fed up with the coastline. First of all, because there have been so many cars. And I'm not a big fan of cliches, but the Italians, they really drive like hell. From time to time, I was really afraid. The Italians drive like the devil. It's just so irresponsible. There were several situations when I felt like, okay, that was it. Up here in the mountains, it's not only much more beautiful, it's also much more quiet. The windy roads are just, it feels much more like exploring. Currently, I'm climbing up to 1,200 meters, I think. Only have like 300, so there's quite a lot ahead of me. Trees get less, air gets thinner. Mood stays good. Even less trees, even thinner air. Mood is still okay. Ah, but I can feel it crumbling. Okay, this is so far the heaviest, the most difficult part I ever did. In my whole cycling career. I am completely wet, but it's okay. I know this will end. My goal for today is to get to the top and then going down into a valley and hopefully finding something where I can sleep, because right after the valley, it's going up again. While climbing the Italian mountains, it finally happened again. Emotional waves flooded through me and I suddenly burst into tears. I knew this phenomenon from my previous cycling trips, but after my years of depression, I never experienced it again, until this moment. With every kilometer, the numbness that had defined my life for the last few years began to diminish. Traveling by bike is so much more than getting from one place to another. Being exposed to the weather, the changes of culture, the landscape and especially the ups and downs that take place within oneself. It is such an intense experience. It brings out the best sides of me. It challenges me every day to go beyond my limits, to face my fears. Even if it's just asking for a place to pitch my tent. For a socially anxious person like me, it's a big deal. I've got no idea why I usually don't ask people whether I can stay at their property for one night to pitch my tent. I think... So I never did this. I think it's because I have the fear of being rejected or something like this. No idea. But today as I cycled through Calabria, I realized I won't a the camp spots in the next few hours and then I came across a petrol station and I just asked the lady at the corner whether it's fine for them. If I just sleep in my tent for one night in this little meadow and the lady was like, "Yeah, sure. Why not?" So yeah, this is a really nice experience. It's really easy to just ask and most of the time I guess people are just helpful. So today I learned something. I learned to overcome my social anxiety and just to talk to people and ask. And if they say no, that's also fine. You can just ask different people. I just had a very good experience with people and that reaffirms my belief in them. Thank you very much humankind and thank you very much. Sereti Petroli. Grazie mille, Sereti Petroli. Grazie mille! Slowly I got closer and closer to Bari and thus I also got closer to the end of a chapter. I was about to leave Western Europe and enter a new, a completely different world. I finished the last steep climb in Italy. Well, at least that's what I thought. The only road that I could take along the coastline is under construction and completely locked down and the other road is a highway. So now I have to go back several kilometers and make a detour through the mountains again. Right at the top. I'm standing in front of this. A few meters on and there is no road there at all anymore. I could try to carry everything across here. I think I have to do that. Today is really one of the hardest days ever. Sun is about to go down by the way. This is hilarious! But I got through that too and not much later I took the ferry to Durrës in Albania. I was simply overwhelmed. This is just amazing. It was just 200 kilometers across the sea and everything was completely different. I immediately fell in love with Albania with its diverse culture and its kind-hearted people. And it was time for me to rest for a while. I cannot believe that I made it to this place. It is crazy. I'm cycling or I have been cycling nearly every day. And things change rather slowly and you don't really realize how far you get. But in the last couple of days and maybe the last two weeks I really got it. It's like there are these moments of clarity when you get aware how far you have come. Having made it to the Balkans from Portugal, I mean that's a long way. It's unbelievable. For the last week I did pretty much nothing. And it was very good that I did this. Just doing nothing, having a little vacation. Today is my first day riding again and I'm cycling in the Albanian Alps on my way to Kosovo. This landscape is unbelievably beautiful. And the people in Albania, wow, they are so warm-hearted, they are so hospitable. Every second car is greeting you, they are cheering at you, everybody smiles and it feels really empowering. And I feel very welcomed in this country. During the last weeks I not only have arrived in a completely different world, I have also arrived in feeling myself again. When I suffered from depression I felt almost nothing. I experienced everything through a filter. I felt neither pain nor joy. As if everything was covered by a veil. I felt isolated from the world. My life became meaningless. I realized that I hit rock bottom when I questioned whether I still wanted to live. When I think back to it now, I'm so grateful to be alive. I'm so grateful for not having done anything stupid. I'm grateful to have done this difficult first step. To get help. To change my life and go out there. Apart from therapy and the support of my family and friends, it was the following that helped me take the first step into a different direction. I started to think about my life from the end. I started asking questions like, "Who do I want to have been?" "What kind of life do I want to have lived?" To think of my own life from the end, I was able to focus on the things that matter. I was able to summon up the necessary courage to take this difficult first step. Every moment of life is a chance. Every blink of an eye is an opportunity. Making this video was anything but easy for me. Talking about my depression, especially in public, is pretty difficult. But I think that we have to talk more openly about these topics. To create awareness for it. Things are already much better than a few years ago. But I still believe that we can't talk enough about it. As long as affected people do not dare to speak openly about it for fear of being judged, this fight is not over. And to be honest, that's one of the main reasons why I started making videos. If you're still watching, I would like to thank you for your attention and for the fact that most of you communicate so respectfully and mindfully in the comments. I am infinitely grateful to have such a great audience. If you don't want to miss future videos, you can subscribe to my channel and please leave a like. If you want to support me continue doing this stuff, there's a link in the description. Thank you very much. See you next time.
