The Devlin Brothers Podcast Episode 6 - HawaiiFivo

I was a [ __ ] shake it away oh my God I remember one time I was asking myself once and then she'll be running a bath for another reason I would end up [ __ ] pop my trousers then shot not bad as you go into secondary that can I hang you start caring about people hang out with all these mad can I these thought patterns develop because people are judging you and all that kind of stuff and you're like I'm seeing this at geek because I was doing good at my grades and that kind of stuff so I just started acting like a [ __ ] idiot when I went into like second dude I just started pure I don't know if I'm just shooting Batman up the teachers then [ __ ] like I just try to be funny just grab them just stabbing them in this blade but it was weird that his life was done so I I can't stop them I did a few times but I didn't feel that I was stabbing them right I'm in here for the [ __ ] I remember getting biting myself and it was still in Blair House at a time and we're sitting doing a little area a bit cozy then then here for the long road [Music] and today we have got Jordan Robertson Hawaii Five-O male names in Muhammad Ali okay Jordan thank you very much for coming on obviously me and Donald Brothers you just found out each other and yeah that's my tech talk sensation's probably one of my polite names I but I did it the other on Tech Talk podcast that they're not documentary nowadays as you do Jordan listen me and Donald Brothers as you know so we always like to get back taking a family at the beginning and start your story there so tell us what was it like so uh growing up it's far better saying remember I've always been cardonald I don't know yes and foreign [Music] is that she didn't have much money coming in now and food and that I was quite scarce under her snack kind of stuff and my mom was quite over protective kind of ice we used to worry a lot of money so she didn't really like the house much but I couldn't really just go out and [ __ ] play with people all right because I was I was eating College up there I think she thought I'd been running about the wrong Mom she was just trying to look after you exactly exactly I mean she'd just been a morning so uh I did I spent a lot of time in the house uh growing up in that kind of stuff and I just I used to read a lot and that kind of thing and I as I started getting into secondary school I was really good doing good grades and that kind of stuff I was really dedicated I was a teacher's pet you could say well yeah ADHD Wayne and then being able to sit and read well that's the thing is because I spent a lot of time in the house I just ended up taking nothing without reading it and I think it's like because I'm one of the people I've got a mad obsessive mindset so see if I get into something I'm [ __ ] oriented so I think in my head I got it in my head at that point right down at school so are you still got race people to finish my what first [ __ ] like I was doing really good then uh and you still at that and now Jordan carry that oh yeah no no [ __ ] really good at the ingredients I've started reading again man which is good but uh as I went to the secondary I was you know what it's like you leave Premier League second dream I know that see that can I we got a shield [ __ ] mentality everything you know like that imagination I guess no you know what I mean because you're welcome in the real world so I went in and I didn't get about a hard time moving and exactly just because when I left primary I was playing new girl kids and all that [ __ ] I feel the way with imagination of course it's brilliant and I went and if Austin you know it's like you're going to say English so I know it's just a different ball game so the fact that you've always been can our houseboy as well your mom reading that I could I could go to Sunday I could do that but it would have to be pre-arranging all that [ __ ] with him it's actually just get up and go at the house but it's really a pain in the ass so if somebody was doing something let's say but his mom and dad was about you for the night or something then I couldn't go there so times I would get until a Friday night then I block and I leave at first and it was kind of [ __ ] yeah sorry darling folk think that again your mom and dad would just try to look at it for you but we we did quite a bit there were times when when you won there and see that stock and that that that that can get to you that can get you even as a child when you don't think it is you're not getting the the the same kind of skills that the rest of the remains are going to get when they're going to say interesting exactly like interaction you interact with people you learn that's how you cannot grow in that I was spending a lot of time myself my sister she was much older so she could come and go she please okay a business if we run similar age groups a lot younger so my sister about my what night shift so if she wasn't even walking at night she was in her bed sleeping but she's fair enough so you'll just try to catch up you want that nothing home subscribe demanding job so there's times I just I did my computer but it was just teams I was like it's like you get to that point you did you get restless and obviously I used to be that ADHD reading writer go and run that bird so I've had to go out and that kind of stuff but I did feel like being trapped at the time but any secondly you know as you go into second do that can I hang you start caring about people hang out with all these mad kind of these thought patterns develop because people are judging you and all that kind of stuff and you're laughing I'm seeing this a geek because I was doing good at my grades and that kind of stuff so I just started acting like [ __ ] idiot when I went in there let's say indeed I just started pure I don't know I'm just shooting Batman up the teachers doing [ __ ] like I just try to be funny because I just to get attention you think me because obviously you had that kind of secluded kind of childhood basically that's exactly because I've seen it in school because at school like you've got a secondary it's like well and you're in primary you've got your there's two classes in your year and you pretty much know everybody knows you because you're such a smaller it's like 30 people in their classes doing classes when you go to settings there's so many more people and obviously I get no idea of [ __ ] you're getting through people yeah but you're obviously there's like a geeky night kind of thing so I was like I don't know I want to get get it changes that's it you're wasting your talent here Jordan what you're doing all right the the conversations they had but they were small because after that they just get [ __ ] fed up with me exercises but yeah how did that affect you because obviously your mum knew about this so how did that but run about the age of 13 14 first second year I was able to go and start hanging about with people I can go and paying about here listening but I'd leave mine to a feet which was a big thing but that's when I started thinking about what kind of gangs yes so was that the gang fighting thing I know I mean I kind of [ __ ] feeling that so it was times like getting him for the post and all that kind of stuff a stupid [ __ ] in there I think she was starting to kind of notice then I was just kind of attitudes you could see it dipped in that kind of hanging a few things with arguing that and then I remember I just got this conversation was quite recently she did she would always be honest because she knew I had potential but it was just because for me personally I felt it was if I was getting my freedom I was able to go through that is that the billion stage you know what I mean my audit so I just went through that period i dabbling in a school just didn't first go on that then go to like fourth year done my exams actually done all right my exams that's thing I was still able to day or day even though I didn't apply myself but I remember I was in English I was always quite good at English I think that's the other reason I used to do so the teacher [ __ ] hated me because I was I just used to buy my opinion so she put it back then it was like standard grade so it'd be like a one is seven I want to be a credit that's your top three four General that's Midway and five six Foundation actually kind of bought me a Sims a few so she predicted me a five for my little exams but my fourth year exams and I got a two I get a credit and I went back into class now I didn't want to get up here but that was my camera listen she's like I know you've got this girl but she's like you just don't apply yourself then I came back husband's a credit class so when you went hangers when you went in a fifth year or something or if you went back after the exams uh you would get put back into that class if you got credit much so by right I should do it in that class so I was like I'm going back for fifth year because I didn't have a job I didn't have an idea I'll go back to school I'll get somewhere obviously fifth year but it's all serious people are trying to get like hires and all that kind of stuff so everybody's knuckled whatever kind of material yes immature so I went back and then she just went like listen this is academic class but I don't want you in my class [ __ ] us at the class really I didn't even hit the seat now I packed his next class in it was an art teacher and she just didn't know like because knuckling then I'm trying to get a laugh it's what fifth year can't you get the blue ties the prefix so fifth year didn't last very long and uh I get invited to leave or invented leave the class or leave school this is I was just [ __ ] that booting in the man there's a lot of personal care teacher's name is Mrs Black she was a toilet in that [ __ ] like you don't need to be in a skill it's known by law you can we can pop you don't know I mean we don't have to go through a procedure and she says but she wanted it in that way like off you leave it you're actually making the decision to leave if you decide so I end up just [ __ ] patching it and then she's laughing my mind saying right he's made these decisions he's uh left us going on so that was me but I was like right top 16 and that way your tongue sex didn't you like you kind of tell me what you're doing I'm [ __ ] 16. I saw that was me going about Europe and it was running about that time I didn't really drink during my teenagers I drank mines when I was like 14. and I was like too late I post side and that's what it was [ __ ] horrible I drank it was mad about steaming I can't remember it and it was like never again I was like I used to I used to get to decide everybody in the gang used to then keep an eye on me like my mates where's he going to the toilet but you pull now all right I just thought one week I was like I don't know what I had some money and I was like [ __ ] I'm just going to get out of those it was last Sunday it was pure passion at the end of it I [ __ ] it last weekend and I went on a Sunday I think I think I made a bit actually I like giving this Saturday and I never used to go after that because I had to be him for nine and all that [ __ ] so it's 15 at this point I swear I went out my power and got a [ __ ] boat I blocked fast and I remember drinking and I was just drinking that full time like that [ __ ] right it's like see waiting on it just me foreign miles a bit 17 and I was I was doing nice of just floating through life just a [ __ ] pure waste I wasn't even saying no no nothing didn't have a job I was just sitting [ __ ] standing in my life she was on my case about getting a job in that and I was just like [ __ ] you then he'd know I mean I was like I'm rebelling yeah well I've left school I've just done all that I should be able to sit and I jump a bit with the best boys like [ __ ] off in that and then here I started seeing us lastly and that's it kind of a little bit so that's annoying so you know start [ __ ] getting into balls see if I space if I like a bud if I'm in here it just ends up when he went so I end up seeing this lasting she was toxic as [ __ ] he was [ __ ] uh she's getting [ __ ] three Wednesday Five Guys it's [ __ ] like it's men too late and then I'm just Jordan shoes [ __ ] some that scene half cannot own enough and then I as time went on she was just up here he'd [ __ ] that and then I ended up in a relationship and I quote unquote that because at the time when a relationship together and you're still roughly about 17 18 at that point yes yes no this is the same one right joined up the [ __ ] Malaysia but that's not my stuff I'm obviously the damn bastard mate so I end up what I thought was a relationship that kind of thing then I remember one night here I was at a party and I was where I can't remember I was saying about boys I feel a bit older and she was just starting to shoot it's even if it's been nice still I try to but obviously be what I thought with a boyfriend until she would rip the pictures but if I patched her she would come chasing us do you see that but yeah and remember last night she was just pure Guinea [ __ ] and then uh [ __ ] I was at a party and I was wearing my power and his brother time which was this last year I was seeing sister so I must explain that yes yes just because I was like oh I [ __ ] Henry's description song in our business you know it was confusing but uh so whatever that's partly everything is brand new and they end up getting back in a taxi with my pal and his buds they're the last episode but getting back to her house in a this last ever since his messages like there was this guy at this party and then he tell her that I was finally her sister which was my Palms Bob I'm mad with and this is the one of the first nights I've ever took gear but also well when I was about 16 I started taking and I love that good day like I mean I'll be white offer I used to love an okay I remember I love and everybody I've annoyed you to name me just tell us all right man loving it I hungry talking to myself but it was [ __ ] I never touched gear at that I remember I got it all I remember taking the arena Guild ones with a few older ones when I was taking Yankees I was like that [ __ ] that's no dude my first level line I remember it and that's what I thought I see this I want the money for that like that man all right because you're used to that was coming for your toys in here as I said we went back to this person she's messing me less than this guy he's at this party he's came back to this because she was sitting with this guy's sister so this guy came back and said that I was finally in our sister so I was like right and I said he's still sister uh she's like she talked about and I've tried to phone him she's uh [ __ ] like I don't care now she ain't like hanging up the phone and that was like right I'm [ __ ] doing that [ __ ] so I used to carry a Blade Runners a lot back at the time why why me why why are we I tell you about it just I've got a blade it's like we're not a nice watch that social hangers after after I left school so after I left school and obviously it's a gang fighting that can hang I actually get done with my knife uh long before that we went for a gang fight it was [ __ ] Clinton I was maybe going the Dominican Republic has Messi's in that right and the day before that I went down it was paying a year was kicking a bit so that's in the same side as well and I went down in high school for a [ __ ] gang thing yeah Rocky tonight and we went up and it's just neared our fans chasing up in the tap the home absolutely pulled in the corner and I've got that [ __ ] I've had this big [ __ ] track he tied with my head so they've seen me I'm six forever it was about five at some so they've seen me post other gun and for me I've got a book done I've flown this like catch anything in her head it's bounced off the edge and I've run right around a corner and then they've just pull up chased his captured this [ __ ] fungus in the back of the motor yeah the Kawana caught us came back and because they said they've seen us find something to be but uh my pal had that lock back and he threw it in like a garden so the poster went around to fund this lot back you know you've been serious because that's long enough myself so I get that's doing my life this is an injustice so where I get taken to court the next day but like I wasn't able to get I don't know why I might [ __ ] get them before my mother because I was like I thought I'd get the jail but they were looking for this next day because I was maybe on this flight I had no idea but it was so I ended up getting popped in a coffee at that point and uh I was running a bit of time I started seeing that my glasses so that ended up the way I had that pure victim complex you obviously that way Mama I didn't know that kind of stuff in here I built up my head and a lot of the world's against yeah that's pure negative mindset so I had to actually feel sort of myself because I got caught with somebody else's blade so I was I I took this coffee so I never stopped it right okay so obviously after a few break shoes I ended up getting demanded for the first time and then I said that I perform at 17 dinner man did that because I get the Mandy glitter it was like 17.1 million yeah I was in I own a one so what was up to the mantle the air and it was like I get reminded because it was like I had a trial date so uh this was 17 days before my trial date so I just went Larry or the man needed a trial but I I I'd actually take it for today whose bleed was it and I was I'm not [ __ ] grass shut up I it was my first can I uh played in that but I always have a mad experience just got a Pullman for the first time because I'd watch boys buying bars or not and and I'd heard about it but actually being there I'm like [ __ ] I'm actually [ __ ] problem and you don't feel like I remember the first time uh I was like Alan entered you and you don't feel as if you belong there especially you like I'm saying that that says me I realize now that I don't fit into this life absolutely but you did that honestly that when when you get you thank God that I run a boot and all this but this isn't it for me this is that's his name my life to be honest I just [ __ ] Elite something because well I get that gold no it was like uh see what you imagine got the jokes for hardened [ __ ] criminals score he was Powers with my marks my Mouse heroes and he was pure brand new he's my age just have his own art right I was kind of sitting here that are just like me or just ever so and then obviously if you have that windy water man it's foreign [Laughter] thank you but uh I saw fast forward about it for that team that was my first can I stand in but I was kind of like I've been in the jail it's like I know what I'm getting back was that sorry Jordan was that while you were still going with that but others so I've kind of started seeing at this point I get the jail in that and that's been a real life she was visiting again she was trash man because she was just stabbing on with my Powers I felt there's a noise at a time but you must have killed the bird because you felt hot enough when you were getting accused why don't you do a guy with a knife this happened like a period before that so say this was about Augustine yeah so fast forward I caught a month later this is gonna end in the January 2010 when can I start the end of the relationship where should I take you back to I was just getting back into this way my pal uh his message which is this Lassie's sister so they will get in and obviously she's in this game ice in your button my sister yeah so I'm like I'm doing him because I believe you're doing this so and see bonus at that way and go away and she just annoyed me at a point where I'm like somebody's getting it so I walked under the Gap it was literally just running cold enough for this I'm banging a door and that kind of stuff and then our Pals came to the door and I was like tear that [ __ ] prick taking me or not and she's like listening noises I'm not a bad guy you know what I mean so he's came he's in the appearing and then I'm [ __ ] good here now and he's like we talk about actually I'm like I [ __ ] this and that then it was I feel back and forward and he was not 21 at the time I was 17 and he's just end up he said enough and he's loud I'm [ __ ] punching his content so he's floating characters in a minute I've just grabbed him just start stabbed them in his blade but it was weird it was I was drunk so I I can't I stabbed him a good few times but I didn't feel like I was stabbing him it felt like I don't know I was I'm not getting him I don't know I thought it was as big to the market can you yes oh my God you seen the films so uh I'm starving them in the blade that's shutting in my [ __ ] thing I see I've got a skin scars there so it's shutting yeah I'm opening it he's punching me over and I'm [ __ ] in there I remember just stabbing them then I was in mid swing and it like collapsed in the blade caught him in the face and it just dragged right down and see let me imagine chalk and I shot boy yeah horrible man his ma jumped in front is like that's enough and I've killed a lot looked at my horns covered in blood I bled mine and then the power that was at the door saying listen go away she's like did you just stabbed him she started greeting I'm not I'm out of here [ __ ] off in the cold not that's the blade and I'll get riding and back up to the house wash my hands and just get mad with it don't you thinking of it then what happened after that so the velocity I was in the relationship with him she's phoned us the [ __ ] you did that fun I was like I said that was violently assistant and she was like it was kept knowing but I knew that and I was like so she'd made the herself if it's been serious and made to me but it was actually kidding on so I went down for nothing so uh I've just been back in that because a lot at the time then I went to him I remember being up the next day and I was trying to convince myself I just looking to start looking as if it was like pure writing but it seemed to deep down what the [ __ ] did that they don't follow it I was just trying to make it look back then yeah try to put your mind in your pals however you're nerus and you've still got this young boy that doesn't even [ __ ] like that deep down that isn't it you hear the stories I was just trying I was kept myself on and a few days later course came through the door iGo this man did you get following him wow let's take that back by the way so you're 17 right foreign you get the northern door listen you realize [ __ ] I'm in here for a 10th month what is the feeling what's running through your head this point Jordan by the way I know it's but it's even having interrogated is right this is the first time I did a police interview yeah with a tape so I oh that [ __ ] so I thought I could outsmart them so I made up this cartoon boo story Miss because it's no comment I made up the story saying he came out as well actually my stomach get them the easiest shift they had that week honestly God man so I I get charged with it get demanded causing my previous with that knife at this point the day all the under 18s had moved into Blair House so this was a kind of under 18 hole so I moved into there and I was like right attempted [Applause] affect me that much because I think I just thought I've got much more [ __ ] bigger [ __ ] fish to do you know what I mean so where when it was going to court I went to the high court so at that point I got a QC and no explaining my choices yeah so I was it was a big I see this case and he was like right the QC his name is Tommy Ross he came and see what do you expect what do you think you get for this that was off maybe a bit [ __ ] two three four gear maybe and he's like I'll be honest with me he's like you're looking at about six out of seven [ __ ] and I was like that's when I came I went [ __ ] that's when I kind of realized I was like I'm [ __ ] here so as I said I had a lot of statements had been stuck in left right and say nothing plus had stuck myself knowing good so when it came back they dropped it to an assorted severe injury this figment danger life which is basically that you dropped your summary when when you go so when you've done your five months remand and then does that get taken off your sentence then it gets back dated so rather than so see I get four and a half a year in June or July sorry it was July so uh that was it six months it was June sorry I'll see you again so when I get sentenced in doing that played it in May so it was urging the 10th so I'd been on the man for five months so basically the sentence started to finish wow back then 2010 10 then like in 2013 it was an odd number I say because it's like no news if you're talking about 20 to 86 you're like you don't think about it it's doing your peripheral vision back then I just I couldn't really see it so a week later I turned 18 at that point so a week later they fired us up to the over 18 Soul stops I don't have three that's been all the long term that's where that's like well either big boys so I went up there and that's when I my settings really kind of began and uh I still had that kind of young guy mentality I wouldn't see that immaturity I talk about that kind of stuff and that's where I get kind of ironed at me because that's like your very older concert a day longer sentence you can't be a hospital yeah and then I I say I take a lot for banana man because I didn't learn a lot about maturing just [ __ ] life skills um they all know what little bits like they've only learned what's going on about them like these are people for all different walks of life and obviously you get the screws in there you've given me any opportunities to can I grow if you choose them so I remember just been sitting at one point I was like all right I've got another few years in here and I was like I may as well [ __ ] just time of the gym and have something to show for that while I take it in a bit massive because people only gonna see us for a few years I've gone back to I want people to see me there you go so I created myself with that because as I say I had a few negative mindset back then but I'm thinking well that was pretty opposite of the way you look at things like I'm not going to waste this time in here I'm gonna at least get something at it so I started you're just smashing a gentleman hitting the gym walked in a couple of mad jobs I worked in a guy drawing like the plumbers it was like we plumbers what part in that finally I'll get you open The Barbers I cut hair forever I was [ __ ] I enjoyed that because I wanted to be the knicker clock at moment yeah [Music] came in and I was cutting his hair on that and uh I'm already feeling all that stuff and he's like I'm 50 I'm older than that and I'm like do you know what swimsuits I used to go to the gym in my homework I always found one and he says I know any boys he's like I'm actually in a [ __ ] battle these air [ __ ] nephew about Golf Club I remember this boy taught but I was like all right and I'm cutting his hair then I started that eagle income then I was like am I going to I can't get back to this hole and going there I lost it with him if I've just cut this guy's here let's go I just shot man me I was like no I had to I feel like I had to act so but I've been getting my haircut been all right I'm sorry I'm cutting his hair so I'm like right what the [ __ ] did I did and I was gonna I'm gonna punch him and I'm like all right so I'm cutting these here so as I'm cutting his head I've started can I get any digs in him so you cannot prepare them just I've tried to build myself up today I also cutting his hair So eventually finished cutting his hair then I was out right me and me I've got some shampoo for you banging shampoo or not so he's walked down his hair's soaking wax he's washing his hair and I shoot him in a toilet a toilet's a [ __ ] bottle this is the width of the toilet imagine that's a toilet planner that's the door because I've showed them into this toilet and he's like pure buzzing me say I've just turned the room went bang and cracked him and it was like I've never seen something like me I [ __ ] shocked in my life and then other countries get on that man but uh not never came yet but the team members they're still like he got here after it ah the cat I feel good here [Laughter] you get yourself the dinner so you get all the extras all that [ __ ] now I was like that man so I got that actually it was a funny story with that as well so the boy I was taught a bit for Hammond I was probably he was in the past right so he that phone and uh he also had Droid steroids so I was in the gym at this point I was like I better get one of these roads tonight so he's like I'll get him for too much so I had name on it in my name so obviously in the jail phone you kind of speak about that [ __ ] because they listen to your calls so he's like oh yeah sure the phone if you want to go and get a hold of something so Recreation so obviously be opened up for poo and all that kind of stuff she would only get it every second night but see because it's a long-term oh they give you a bit more privileges in our house so on the night she didn't have Rick you could get Sunday in that was on your side and your room thought for the periodation of the last year so one of his powers is a few dollars then face the boy for Hammond so where as power this phone is after I used to just get a dub up and he can you can use a phone so I've got it and I'm phoning my mom asking for money but he's ended up [ __ ] I'm falling because I was like 18 at the time so I'm like I'm sorry again he's foreign so the next day [ __ ] but I was made a bit in I see your day programs in there so uh see you when you're doing a long-term sentence you can apply for parole it's a long-term sentence back then four and a half year he would do two thirds which is three year right but you can apply for parole and get it halfway through your settings in order to do that you need to complete like a offending related program so basically like they look at your offend behavior and unit they want to address it in order it just to show you how fast yes coin stocks at the time decision making courses right so I was maybe going to that in the morning never go open for it and I hit then I call him I was like I was gonna listen we don't know what's going on and I was like this is fishy as [ __ ] and then I'm sure I heard that I was like a tear lit dogs walking that was ah [ __ ] they'd get the dogs yet so I just immediately I went I had that big bag of protein that hadn't been opened I grabbed the phone it was under my bed and I put it into my bed at first I was like that obviously the [ __ ] did I put I see that way [ __ ] then I've seen this bag of protein I was like [ __ ] it I grabbed that but I put a phone in the bag ripped the protein up and just stuffed the [ __ ] phone and a bag of protein yeah 10 5 10 minutes later doors opened [ __ ] two dogs and two screws little holes they said let's know the rooms so what guys that man so I've been they set you at the door and they give through everything man and this was I was looking about and like every [ __ ] was out in the hallway they'd [ __ ] do with a 30-handed screws searching a full hole um and then it was a woman and they had that one one had that let's see a metal detector in one didn't they have it so one was in a certain one was wondering so my bed was at that side and my unit and that was that side for what I'm looking in so the protein bag was out here but the guy with the wand was going on the left side one was gone in the right yeah so the woman in the right with the one who's got to the bag of protein she's looked in it and I'm staying there and she's shaking it she's shutting it shaking out about looking and again shaking that she's getting through the hang and I was just waiting and not putting that on and pulling up eventually shook it a few times shut it and put it at the side yeah and then uh obviously they have ended up meeting in the middle and the guy with the one he's very good and she's like I know that sorry I've done that side and they've just Tundra turned around left around put me back there let him shut the door and I was just like ah what the [ __ ] is just happened there and I didn't know you should know find it but when you're shooting a bag the heavy hands yeah I was sitting in the room [ __ ] room was upside down everything was everywhere I was like did that just I was waiting on them coming back and going like ah that kid danger then you see that so oh so I had I was waiting to get my look at so it's like a yeah you get sentenced should I hike it so you have a high category it's like basically doing the high risk so when you get your look at you can go over a mayor that privilege toll you can look to be getting home leaves and that kind of stuff so within a I think it was like the months before I was like expecting to get my look at this happen so I was shaking it somebody's looking after me so I went and tell him he was like no [ __ ] leave it was can I glad they're still with the phone of course so yeah so I get moved over there and for then when like it starts preparation for the least kind of things so I ended up getting a job in the gym which was a lot of American a privilege job and obviously I was in my element because I was writing at the gym yeah and you would only get it at certain days if you were on with certain holes so once I got that job in the gym I know all the time I had maybe [ __ ] there twice I think I was loving I was buzzing John Wayne so I thought I'd get cut at the ending I eventually see that but yeah just I've got a [ __ ] I had that fuel issue with authority at times it may stay in my life I can get stem so obviously my mind swear in this horse because uh it was I mean a privilege hole the screws kind of did tinted at the picture Batman and just kind of lay down a little bit more and I didn't like it so I ended up clashing with this guy screwed out but it was a little Adventure it was funny it was like see I see Ben is in like corrupt so he's like okay I could up screw in it like for toxic when I'm first went up there I was in a double a double room a double sale dubbed up or something I hated that right I hate and many people I like my in space but you get single sales so you can get unwanted but you need to put your name down the list because there's people that have been in double rooms before you that have obviously put their names and you need a weight name but this guy you get like two for free back and all that [ __ ] so I was putting the biscuits but in that hole they'd stopped people for doing that kind of thing because people were running up bills and then gone into protection like running up the [ __ ] yeah but put in the biscuits the chocolate cause you had one guy one guy did tobacco show one guy the chocolate I saw I had the biscuits and then he tackled it once and he's like I [ __ ] you're nobody in a biscuits which squirrel me up so I did pay him like a [ __ ] tax basically putting them so this is like wow but I felt he was out so I remember one night I was playing FIFA and I was I'm not [ __ ] honestly God I'm actually okay we got a lot of things should be FIFA I'm a Savage I've just I'm sure that's it but I'm not sure the game's [ __ ] about any airplanes yeah I mean a game [ __ ] you know me so I remember getting beaten my boy I don't know whenever it is some of the states that the wind's gone with their games no man you're one of them some in the race demonic Arrangement so this one night I was playing it so in this whole they had like an Xbox I don't know and you could play it in the hall but you couldn't take it so I was playing a lot of FIFA this Sunday and I get beat and I was reading I jumped up and I like kicked this I did a trolley and like [ __ ] I stunned that in my room and I didn't know what one of the screws took another and put it in like my [ __ ] notes against my name next day I woke up this could always come in like you're getting popped at this hole slammed the door practice at the hole I was raging man took my lap and I have my [ __ ] like I was they came up to your team handy and I was it was that time Nico night so I was like yeah [ __ ] bastards so I get packed do it so not outside my seos going outside or not yeah because I'd like to you get free strikes and I had two strikes for [ __ ] something but it was uh should I get packed up most much orb in the gym ended up back up I wouldn't have seen that then uh I think it was like a three month period then you could try to go back up so I ended up seeing the job number was like awesome to shoot coins and all that kind of hangman so I ended up back up the whole eventually because it restarted my progression I got my job back in the gym or whatever [ __ ] complaint procedures all that [ __ ] but I got it so I was glad that was back to where it was they're there I was coming up from up at all day so I was I was kind of I was hoping for parole but at the same time as well it was like chica's in there you're 20 at this point 21 19 20. it's still quite young though I mean of course so I was gonna [ __ ] on that but back then it's like it's probably still the same new you need to be getting home leaves you need to be able to look right out in the community in order to get people oh which is fair enough no I mean no no just gonna need it so uh that's when I started my seos back again not getting out there uh I could not back for peruse I was like expecting it but only like eight months ten months till I was getting an enemy so in my mind after been in a few years yeah so where I ended up getting an outside what party so that was basically a job at side at folkat stadium so uh it was a lot of facilities [ __ ] maintenance or something like that but it was good man you would walk like one week Elisha saw eight two [ __ ] three or eight to two and the next week you would walk like two to eight so I was like in my ear because I was walking the boat like they just dropped you off at the front door and you just wondered about it so times have obviously after about a week I was [ __ ] after they show up now because you couldn't leave like the vicinity of the stadium but they couldn't rebound guys and haircuts he ended up getting caught with steroids tonight because he just I'll talk about me getting too cozy this country is chilling man have you been and he just happened to choose the locker that the boss also used so it was an empty Orca but he's put it in but the boss obviously about to use it in front of that stuck him in so where I've ended up good hanging upstairs well I've been so uh but I haven't and she'd be honest at first of us can I board them and that was like it's good but I'm like what can I do so no longer identity I gotta hold that phone so I got a phone in it I got up to some Shadow then they basically I ended up getting steroids as well so I end up with a couple hundred balls they could have done if you normally blue ones sorry the city boat was Russian athletes just to use d-ball well that's why Falkland bought doctor their boxers and athletes still still use that type of steroid it all the works I remember watching something about um Russian weightlifting Squad was it Russian it might have been rushing it was what that kind of pie yeah [ __ ] man about taking it for the [ __ ] Olympics and then try to [ __ ] hiding magically passed the test it was mental so I got these and obviously a high dose of these is like five a day 50 miles yeah you bought it right up to them immediately I've just got in 15 at a time I might get solid but I really think loads of water out of them as well we have kidneys well that's the thing as well man I was I was going 15 right and then I was going for a shoot and then I was like [ __ ] up an R15 just mental just hang it up at one point I developed this mad cough it was like coughing it was 20 12 right it was the same time you ever heard of the whooping cough yeah so that was a big hanging in the papers and that so I went back to the jail and they thought I'd caught it and if I try to lock it down and I was going nuts because obviously I've [ __ ] government So eventually wet his back hurt not when he realized it wasn't a man but uh obviously I was getting up to some Shifty stuff out there anyway in here and this is you just about to get released Jordan yeah well I'm Alice five weeks it was at this placement then they came down one day all right we've got some Intel you're up to any good basically just there was allegations that I was bringing stuff back for the coins and that and uh they just went like you're laughing you're getting taken off it you've got six months left you've been doing it in here pretty much that's amazing but I got to stay in the hole so and I'd give up my PT job take one day this so I had to to go inside and ask for that you've been sacked twice that's [ __ ] uh what placement I ended up battling in this build and um depends I see the guy one of the guys I used to walk with there he was like it was kind of it wasn't our supervisor but it was my supervisor because it basically I watch him you would watch them so she used to see her before so I don't know if maybe she would just try I'm going to this big country too you're going to say that okay I don't know yes at the time and then I was texting them and I was in another thing when I'm back if I wasn't done that but she was chanting it's not gonna hang back I don't know if maybe that's six months unless I was feeling a little happier like why wasn't he talking down there and I think she was just maybe about holiday then she's like listen to [ __ ] posts what about you and uh at one point I remember I was on the phone here right because I used to get a day [ __ ] on the phone uh yeah of course but I I should have known obviously that my cows were getting listened to so I ended up saying something stupid to her I said Terry she was like five foot seven and I was like uh you're not tall enough to reach my stash anyway something pure half cough like two days later screws came in with a bag and no I opened it in the last maybe we listen to your phone calling that and it was this bag did fun stashed and they're still in here changing them and it's like the bag it was like phone I wrote like film and I thought the Vaseline but they're kind of you I've seen experiences so and then I've been listening to all your calls everyone and this is like [ __ ] so where I get popped up that open phone I get popped by an ltp but I don't I don't like to say I don't know what I mean so that was me it was my last few months and then uh he cheat that's when she says posted at my door I bet you and I was like I'm [ __ ] I'm gonna end up because see I always had that kind of anxious mindset like something will happen I don't know I because I always thought that because it was too good to be true because updates within reaching distance and I'm like I'm gonna get [ __ ] here So eventually it came up and uh I couldn't really get excited about it because I was like I was always like Dread in the back of my head so when I did get I was getting lived in that I get into the reception and uh I was sitting waiting changing out my clothes now then the screws came in uh I'll be chat you know they took us a woman called Alison I'd always go on me she was like that weightlifter she's like she was always heavy brand new but I think she started wanting to the Intel bit so she had the interviews and she was just like I was like what's that said but she's like oh no it's just a interview before they get it out right and then she's just asking how is your setting saw these mad questions have you got somewhere to go and I was like then she put the book then she's like who's bringing in the steroids and then I was like ah [ __ ] and I just at that point I just was saying myself all right I'm not speaking kit then I was like [ __ ] noise man and I just kind of want to ask me and then she was like a month two months there I came back and you doubled in size and I was like it's brought in it am I waiting on it and it's lifted up and I just kind of looked at it is like ah it was [ __ ] it was be well done man I was just like did you ever Miss did you a lot of when I was growing up a lot of boys that were coming into jail they always met you know what I'm I'm missing there I I must I miss the the quietness the known for money they're no worrying about this it was it was quiet for them did you ever miss it I missed it before I get four and a half years it was a pure laughing I was internet so I thought this is brilliant I said something laughing or I don't get a [ __ ] about you then I've done that fun off and I had a lot of time to ponder and as I say I grew up in something that 17 came up with twenty so I'm mature foreign money they were always uh do not mean opting all good so when they come out they had all that stress when they were inside that stress went away the free detect bills went away the money that I would that was gonna plug me when I mean does that make sense of course and it was just that so a lot of boys do so what happened when you get out I was what was happened since since you've been out basically from that that for that point I just I just I was enjoying myself getting on at the weekends and that kind of thing then I started connecting Charlie and uh that's when I started I didn't really like right in any bought any jobs not into the get-go it was a at first I was just fought now but just been out of your pain nasty man tap my mom in [ __ ] gone away and get mad at the weekend I end up first United as we'll end up jogging yeah I'm getting followed a Jag so I was doing that I was ham on the gym but I don't have any stocks at the moment if I was just sitting there but I go to the gym every day but I'll just be sitting about the rest of it then get on at the weekends and did you ever we spoke about the kind of eagle-side it seem you commit did you have that badge the default that you were jumping a bit or brilliant never stop him there you've done your settings that that can have a Bravado or May uh no no I don't know it's one of the things you see by that point I can't analyze right I know I I witnessed it to me but I don't know if maybe because some people thought it I remember I couldn't type name that many once that was a [ __ ] weird a mad guy that's kind of I mean that's kind of a house party and this is something so and then it's like he's like 100 books when I was in the jail apparently fought with kildon so I didn't say I was thinking in the jail case people thought I was feeling that yeah [Music] to in my eyes I've just done that one thing but you know by the time it's traveled it's getting dams and legs [Music] a person but uh at that time I was just getting mad with the weekends and that man and uh I ended up getting stabbed I get stabbed in the heads uh anyway let's just say I deserved it right certainly talking to him and then I get I get plugged in here that's when I can I realized literally I need can I get my finger and [ __ ] start doing some productive so I started walking on that getting money and then I stayed after doing that forever then hey for about a month then I ended up getting on it well done I'm on fire I just get followed I just know I mean it's always great so you'll just want one for the [ __ ] heart exactly there's always something so uh I ended up behind a bit relationship I ended up that's when I started going right out like four weekend Benders I was gonna Friday Sunday I'd never done it before that's when I was starting to get that [ __ ] hunger for like just know what I get him in that clang so that went on for a good period that patch the gym put on a big belly and that kind of thing and I've done that for a good while then uh I played I I ended up playing the guitar in the jail I picked up the guitar I ended up getting an oasis when I was going to do another little lesson 10 like before so I had the guitar I stole the guitar at the jail and everything man and uh I had this guitar but in any map I was at a time play that don't mention guitars I think I still dance back did they did a good one no problem yeah I ended up so I had that guitar on the house because I wasn't hanging a bit with a group of people like playing it now I just thinking I left it and I ended up meeting this group of boys that were in a band just one night I went up to this guy and I was like no [ __ ] way and I collected him right away I mean so I started thinking about the voice looking in the band and that and I can uh they can uh get this the confidence to start writing my engines and then I was like I don't know what because I always thought it myself [Music] it was quite chaotic then uh one weekend it was 2015 and uh I was in this game and I end up crashing it and I woke up like in this this bedroom I've got up and everybody's still on it for three or four so I'm like it was a Sunday so I was about the next day I was out of [ __ ] it so I've ended up pulling myself it was like five minutes after waking up and I've heard the door Sunday bang the door they were supposed to hit the door so obviously the boy who won the Hershey was mad with me he's like I get to [ __ ] headies win and someday it was an old guy whose win was there they were in the bedroom so they were in the bed they'd been up with the reins before then ended up man came back to her so the winds were in the room and the balls are banging the door and all that [ __ ] and he's like active [ __ ] you know that man should have caught because I try to kick the door in but I'm like these kids are trying to kick their stolen because we're having a party [ __ ] bands you know so it'll be a lot about 40 started barricade the door not trying to kick the door or not and then the boy under her she's been like watching and he just opened the door and as soon as he's opened the door I've started flying it like get too [ __ ] and as I've pointed my hand like that I don't know if I pointed or pushed I can't even remember I put my Inlet light they've just went and grabbed and ripped us at the door fullness did a gun so I'm known about with them and uh they've ended up going the radio and [ __ ] next thing you know it was a bit fair to Corpus in this one this this split Landing so they've came in Geo just try to put the restraints on his night Kathy there's dinner I'm ripping the tissue at them because I'm mad with [ __ ] raging or not station I get taken now and uh I was like [ __ ] they've done this with police assault and I was like they bought on me but I was just pure writing the push at them then they came in and they took all my crazy half minute and I was like what the [ __ ] I was like crazy yeah Takis and then I go opened up in the morning yesterday you've got a caught I was like you're [ __ ] I was like let's go so how long you've been at no John hey Jordan Jordan so like March 2013 this was November 2015 six months so I stole her day your full life flashing yeah I might have been October so I think I had about a year left in my license so and I thought they had two strikes but why not get caught by about again [ __ ] the out season then I went I missed a [ __ ] appointment or something like that yeah so I ended up going to court and I was sitting in a court in the the doors opened and one of the boys that were in the house is getting put in this Airways I was like [ __ ] used in here and a lot I when they caught us came through the doorman they ran down a stair I picked up an island done mine and where I am so I'm laughing I'll use that [ __ ] tonight because there was three of them it came in so which time do it's happened when the cutlers have ran in the house while ran down the stair and this boy he's picked up a blade like a sword and then an iron Margaret and then at the last minute he's [ __ ] this all done to the couch she caught us around and he's done him with an iron he's running a bedroom this is a living up didn't break Flats don't know if you know what it is 11 up so he's ran in the bedroom flung The Island at the window pulleys to his husband and went and laying the bed kidding cordless came in and huckled them but when the Cutlass went down to get the iron it turns out that somebody had ran in a kitchen and grabbed two and a half and sagira away at the kitchen drawer and flung out the kitchen window so whenever there's a [ __ ] turn off phones I might end up lying next to each other so there was four little freedom and Forest including me there was four years in there and I was I use a [ __ ] man in the next English coming in at one point like that right uh said double names like use it in the petition Court I was like are you sure about that mate looked we were all co-workers so I was like [ __ ] man it was an indictment so I'll get taken and uh the boy flung the gear at the window and the boy didn't caught with an iron get bail and then me in a one of the boys bras he was done with showers done me like that police and fire the format [ __ ] basically so we get the money because of a previous absolute license so that's when I went to baloney and I was like [ __ ] off man I've been up to the old man and it was I yeah [ __ ] that was a [ __ ] shock to the system um so we've been up there I've been up there and see the guy who had been reminded with he'd been granted bill but the PF opposed it but the next so apparently when they did that they've got 48 hours to provide reason for by the appear on it but if they don't their Gear Up reason within 40 hours he gets released yeah so he get released two days later and I'm like [ __ ] him and heal myself I was up there and that was just it's definitely just been in that man it was just it was so different at the moment I just think Pullman was bad man I realized how good I didn't Pullman but in baloney it's like the only good thing about Bill any of those there's near discrimination because everybody gets [ __ ] but I mean you get nothing man it screws our previous [ __ ] it's just that 1980s mindset it felt like in back in time wow and how long were you in Berlin for so I get fully committed but if you get full committed you can apply for high court Bill well your deal application goes to the high court and they can appeal it so I was in about three weeks and I remember there was this thing called tough talks and uh these two body ex bodybuilders uh they used to be in about the madness the life you know acting steroids debt collecting that yeah but no they found God or the jails in the deal I talk one does squats now can does I talk it's mental messages and you remember us it must [ __ ] work well because it happened as well but I remember then came into Millennials why didn't my [ __ ] say oh no I mean and I've been doing that I remember sitting there and then one of the screws shouted my name and I was like I and they're like you get billed I was like [ __ ] off like Casper and here's that shots and I was like no way and I was like all right so I've ended up getting new I'm looking unconscious already still let me know there's a lot but the [ __ ] going on should I get taken uh light up [ __ ] result man so uh I've ended up in it then I had to get back and see my social worker then she was kind of heartless and you [ __ ] a [ __ ] that no I mean I was like [Music] just having it go back because that was in November 2015 so we had recall I was like I know it was like I'm back in for 11 months I was like I said no there's no day in half I need tagging anything [ __ ] then Mariko and the other man that was kind of tough I made it hard myself as well because I told myself this isn't my fault I know done messing up right oh yeah no I mean I put myself in that position so yeah eventually [Music] so I just spent a lot of time just writing Tunes so I just I stuck to that uh I went down I'll get the top class I was a guitar teacher you know guitar teachers I screwed it like takes the class so it doesn't have his impact name is Alan Dixon and uh see the guitar that bumped up appointment so I found it at this point that see Bill had the Billy brag yeah they're saying really quite a famous English guy he donated so many of these guitars a Tanglewood Toyota Scottish deals so I didn't know this so when I went into this this guitar class for the first time with this guitar he's like where the [ __ ] you again so I walked back and he's probably fought something that's a good guitarist I used to have one of them so I end up playing I had been writing for every periods uh during this full time I was in and I played a matching and it was just it just took days straight away yeah yeah I just spent that whole time writing in that and uh I was in there then eventually the case that go to court that worked three weeks before my so that was another sentence I could nearly settle because I'm like am I going to go in this day as because as far as I was a bit I was [ __ ] in a tie up I you can apply it you get like parole during your recoil to go early but see when I got my papers to go in front of the parole board they've put me down has been charged with the possession of the gear as well so I'm like with this so I thought I've got a chance to be possession of this [ __ ] gear I'm like I'm [ __ ] obviously [Music] eventually I just went to court freeway and they took a Play-Doh so the child's against me and the boys yeah so obviously I foreign [Music] obviously they're playing the guitar that get [ __ ] flung in the back but no no the Performing that don't give me another couple of gigs but at that point when you're just time on the madness it's very hard for me personally it's hard to juggle some of that uh I lost the motivation today it's weird seeing because I was having a girl team I suddenly I had anxiety and killed but people thought about me much another day so I just went like I'm not [ __ ] writing Tunes like I got like I didn't realize that the last of a terrible anxiety my anxieties caught with continually on a daily basis and you know but that drives from I can remember really happening today he grown up it dries for that uh between two o'clock in the morning to six o'clock in the morning you're saying whenever she's driving right is that where where you started that that typer running I think my anxiety started when I was taking something because it was like during the week I don't know what to see it was hard I couldn't identify as anxiety I just thought I suddenly cared what people thought about me I was starting placements I don't know as well whenever I came out of the gear up when I eventually did Kim stoppeding and that's when I noticed that went away and I was like ah that was doing that because I couldn't realize it at the time but uh at that period before I get to jail people were taking console you know the kids so it's not even the strongest 50 50 no I mean it was like pure cloud like 90 bins and [ __ ] 10 gear so when I get up needed that was a book saying Benz it became like kind of illegal and it was hard to get so people just ain't proper so I never really took it before then so when I went back it was Hamming the prop so much that's when it started going mental so I was there for weekends and then just before long I started the spider will end up it was becoming every day then I started trying to sell it I came out I went off it I stayed out of it for two weeks and then I was like asked me off and I'll start selling it quite know what the night [ __ ] and [ __ ] long can I sell it to him as myself you wake up you don't get a hangover and I'm like brilliant man don't need a hangover so I started doing that then as the weekends were ending when it was getting to the end of the three full days I couldn't face that finishing face reality so I was taking mayor then it was getting that point I was just gobbing them hoping I didn't wake up Goblin like 30 50 at a time none even try to come out suicide you but just going I don't give a [ __ ] there's 20 bang no having that what he could discount me I don't care that type of thing or no the intention when I woke up [ __ ] no I mean it was a few times actually did go with intention of hunting I'm not going and getting them like sitting in the back I was getting to a point I was in not back my house myself nothing or not then it was I remember at one point like I [ __ ] this and going getting like 50 off I couldn't I'm doing it then God binoid them and then [ __ ] thinking that so you just had that intention that that was the intent that was intense I'm going to take these hopefully I don't wake up [Music] in terms of I saw well as I was saying and then eventually I ran up so many debts I couldn't get any sale because I would I would start going with intentionally I'll get a bit I'll get about half someday I'll say like that to make my money back and I'll have my wee bit back to yourself so it was good good intentions so you think now it's the starter you are when you go uh jail that last time but Lenny that was just started your mental health issues then I would say so I it was just uh whenever I went on the bad ones before then I enjoyed it but this point I was just I think I was just trying to escape the alley and at least it was caring here in my life [ __ ] man but I was gonna I was patching every Monday and all that [ __ ] getting in now it's just arguing me kind of just shut up man it was bad it was like I didn't I was like pure dick at the time man just start pure arrogantly I I needed humbled no I mean okay I don't know getting an ass kicked no I mean and then I ain't got two weekends in a row I went back to my hotel had been on it and I couldn't get violin so I had to just ride it out and it was like two weeks later the effects would have and then I'll kind of like Clarity I I see I had Clarity I had more clarity than I had to whilst I was on them and I can realized what the [ __ ] because I had like mad opinions about people who had people in accused people or stuff that was dead set like you've done this and then when I'm like wait a minute are you sure I had that question I don't mind so at this point it was too late I thought there was so many people and I just I just continued getting on it and just doing my thing I was just trying to escape yeah yeah [ __ ] then at one point this is I was shoplifting as well I was doing I used to go into shops and steals yet not so uh I remembered one day I went in and I used to go into Morrison see just a closer but I stayed in kildon and I used to go in that sweet baby just [ __ ] it in a bag like I didn't watch the cameras just stealing boats are whisking but I was walking the time I was in charge if I'm losing but I was I was a pure chaotic lifestyle I was dodging I was carrying a [ __ ] Stanley not because [ __ ] like that and uh and I've just ran and see I've realized Looking Back Now I wasn't a very good criminal no I mean I'm glad I realized it I can put my top my back no because it's morally bad just because I'm heavy [ __ ] at it because it was two dollars and you're walking out you've got the two sliding doors you can go one up that way now I mean there was one that was shot in one that was open I went to the one that was shot yeah so I ran into the door and he's grabbed this and I've been like the door it's a slow doors [Music] and then he's grabbed my jacket and I've went and slept the jacket and I've ran she's getting my bag and my jacket but I was maybe go to work after that [Applause] so yeah as time went oh I never ended up uh I've always had that one man but I just dodged him for about a year but in that time I started like getting to the weekend I was like I don't know why did I send him so you're getting on it that kind of thing but the compulsion was there it was like being possessed obviously if you normally addiction not I mean it's like being possessed like there was times I'd sit and be bored like obviously during the height of my gear addiction days I'd be setting get up blush my teeth and then like we thought maybe I didn't get back again and it was suddenly done Obsession I need to get that I need to do it then see if I didn't need it I started to feel good in it I don't know so where that always came in a Friday night like when I go to a Friday night or at five you know what how you know it and then [ __ ] it starts Shaking All right so I was sitting here at the boys at this time and um they used to tap off so I ended up just sitting my keys a few drawers and I just don't think that's that's [ __ ] day so it took it away so I ended up substituting that for that so I started smoking green I wasn't even enjoying the green either I was hitting badging tonight [ __ ] but I was just doing it to get something So eventually smoking the green I mean I don't date in that no but back at the time it had heavy benefits because whereas before my focus was on everybody else I remember then rang when I was smoking green that Focus get turned on me and I was able to look at right where Madden rang and that suddenly I felt empathy for all the things I've done because technically all the time we don't get a [ __ ] ending couldn't sell yeah suddenly I started to feel emotions feel emotional man and uh that's when I kind of realized I was like [ __ ] I've done some of that shady [ __ ] she took a [ __ ] a credit union [ __ ] loan to help me pay again though and I didn't even pay the full bill I mean it paid one and you're a ton of money I saw a bit she was like I don't want it back in that man button and then I was telling myself already I don't know how that thing I was like so where but it I ended up getting myself unemployment my uncle got a job done so I did secure job good and at that point my mental health was still [ __ ] no other places 2019 but 2019 I got this job so far but 2018 so all right so for 2016 the October 2016 I got a baloney through 2017 was the madness like the [ __ ] Nevada later 2018 is when I kind of started to curtail it but I was still ending up on Mad weekends but I was trying to kill a storm so yeah the realization attack yeah this isn't it for [ __ ] me anymore the realization happened but it took away for the action of course so it was getting like 2019 I'll be starting to kind of hard Dune jobs a bit more but I didn't even secured it was always like a couple weeks walk here a couple weeks were up there the air my uncle goes sgb so it was then scaffolding so uh I finally hit the security but [ __ ] prospects I'm gonna be reading again like my part one and maybe getting future employment that kind of thing so it was at that point it was strange man it was like as soon as I got that job see within the one week two of the people I would one guy all that I granted I hadn't seen him the full time since I was that money that within the first week of me getting that job and phoned us and then I was like [ __ ] cause I'd always said that my head right this is if something happened and they'd pass this for a year so I could have had that my head and I just ended up saying listen so I don't [ __ ] know you can turn there just stand on nothing but I stayed waiting until the credit got brand new but all of us and just give you something every week if it sounds so eventually started doing that and I was getting good wages with a scarf once I was able to pay them off yeah so I paid them off and uh and I just started going like that right as soon as one day it was finished I was like right who else doing money and then I started going for the people that I would look for to quid stay here and there and staging for everybody I left maybe one or two but the majority in London and then I remember I get my taxi back I wouldn't get attached and it was like 1200 quid ago and I just transferred the ground right away in my mouth can I stop talking to this at the time man it's a messenger on the messenger and see that way it's like they're very tick but it's no highlighted yeah so I think she'd block this one outside to get my sister to check a bank and then she's like it was that fun I was like I'll tell you back and she was like oh thanks so uh [Music] apologize to this person that person so that that feeling never went away but I was really I was puffing a pillar I read at the time and then my mental health was [ __ ] [ __ ] and that [ __ ] was taking steroids try to stay steroids again that man in my head was up mask I couldn't do the course I had today I done like two week and then it was like I was getting through mid swings or not and I was like I don't know what I don't think I can take these anymore so I stopped that but I was gonna walk and I was just there was a little bit about salt he did teams man because this guy phone's got a stranger strawberries I was getting cheeky we couldn't shut that oh man I was just up your bad right to burden I don't know if the case I didn't enjoy the jewel but I was gonna end it was like see unless I went in stone because times everything usually smoke first thing in the morning it was getting to a point but I was taking buckets before going and did a shift took buckets like twice during my younger years never liked it no I mean this is the point I go to then I was realizing I couldn't do it first thing in the morning so I would date after a lot but that full date worker was a [ __ ] pure [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah man it was just all this anxiety all that [ __ ] that happened like because I'd come up again the blues so I was having to deal with my emotions that's what it's if you get off the dogs are good news and the bad news is you need to do your emotions back yeah the real you comes you start finding out that that it's all been [ __ ] that's exactly you hadn't yet hidden all these mad opinions for the first time that's scary I wasn't I wasn't a truly [ __ ] half of everything at one point I was like since I go to the gym went 2016. well I mean it's like [ __ ] Yankees like a good few years it's [ __ ] Madness you think about it but to me it was a norm so where are they still foreign negative energy but uh one night I ended up I was rough as [ __ ] it was on Monday and I just finished walks yeah I think I've been up till early in the morning sniffing but I'd made work so that way I was I'm getting him I'm getting I mentioned I'm going to challenge you've just pure defeated deflated and then I went to the shop got Chinese now I got my Munch and as I'm walking in the corner there's a post around there and two cops walking towards my door but in mind I think this warrant yeah I'm dodging the pause but where's his organ on and there I've seen them and I've just [ __ ] get off so I've went oh he disappeared I know they went back and I'm like all right I've dodged them then I've had my Munch in that and just chilled out then I fell asleep and I woke up at 10 at night and I heard them at the door of the post a little addict we're coming at night then if it's looking not can I bring into the house so I just patched them and then my dad's woke up [ __ ] like the [ __ ] is going on gonna have he's not opened the door then they've like right and I just went like I know what [ __ ] it I'm caught so I got up then they've left he does and then that's when I was like that's me I'm getting back up the road I'm getting to jail because I was doing a child with a lot back so he used to Stanley it was a locking Stanley so they've done as well a lot back so that was my third knife I was like I'm [ __ ] [ __ ] like that this case is hanging in my head but lockdown eventually happened in there and I was going through periods I was trying to get off the green no I was managing like a week two a week then I was in that back I was managed about two weeks after green then I'd end up getting married and end up in a girl then once I was like you've come down I'd start profiting me myself you laugh it was just up your cycle and uh I just locked and came in uh I hang with one day I just there I seen the guitar because I remember seeing a quote on a I don't know if it was Facebook or something like that and it says this can I live in the making of you of the breaking of you it's up to you decide what so I was followed so yeah I was getting my my babies what the [ __ ] am I gonna do because I remember the day I get followed I bought four cans of beer and I remember drink my numbers I said what I'm going to be doing this whole time so whenever I was like I just flung let me [ __ ] and then I seen the guitar and I was like I don't know what we'll start playing a guitar again so I started playing it and uh or something so when I've picked up the guitar and playing it again that's popped in my head and I was like I don't know what [ __ ] it'll fight yeah so I did it and I just I was [ __ ] I just done a lot of this stuff I didn't filed up and it honestly it went viral but it went kind of I don't know I mean they go with 500 years like a thousand but I think about a thousand shares eventually man but don't worry I've never posted anything oh yeah according to me it's been I don't know what I mean so thanks for loving it not and uh I was also getting that be buzzing like ass [ __ ] putting something people are liking it then uh I think I had that gold preaching yellow and I started saying the lyrics to it was falling yeah I'm not going to do this again [ __ ] it so I recorded me up and recorded that and I put it hurt and people were laughing at it like that and I was like [ __ ] it I'm doing this now so I just started writing mad parties did mad Daft Tunes every week and people watch this year and then people are lighting them so it started to become every routine every Friday I'd be researching and then a statement on people were just starting to get into it and that kind of hanging it it was doing all right then I was getting new ideas to try stuff and uh as it was coming just before lockdown me and my pals met like anyway we went out for a pint my pals die he just died so we went to get every pain after it and I know you'd know that day but during that period and we were sitting and I remember it was in a village Hotel it's you know far for you and uh as far for your [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah yeah so uh we were then having a pint and it was just after Avengers again and then the guy fitting just TV was like in the next booth and it was then like in an interview it was Sunday but he'd like a laptop and a mic and we were like look how simple that is but I mean we could do that because we are sitting with a few points and they're solving the world's issues you know what it's like so like we could do that let's do a podcast so what Lockton happened so that can I put in the back burner but in the time during lockdown I'd started the bill that we've Fallen Sophie releasing machines and all that kind of stuff man so by the time was this helping you the guitars this is you're thinking god this is my God this is helping me this is helping anxiety this is helping my addictions like well this is the thing that's to see when I talk about when I uh go into the guitar when I'm poisoned the band that's when I was like I want to do this but I feel like so I want you to ReDiscover that I found it again I just I suddenly felt like I always felt I've always felt it's [ __ ] brilliant they're all good so in the day man it was like March to August well obviously what kind of depending the locked into a degree then uh I we like all right let's get together in here go into our podcast so we started after those four days and we just started recording a few trial runs just sitting talking [ __ ] about it and then uh eventually came time to put it up so we eventually put it in the the within the minute [ __ ] of putting up one of my Powers just like me I can't have people seen that he's like he's talking about getting fire equities at Tina puppies but online he's got quite a good job so I understand that so by the time he panicked he's like we need to take out the neck idea so all right [ __ ] took it during the me and my power can annoy because my power produced on it waited till the minute it went up to say that so he was a little bit because I want to do it as well so they admit immediately him and that our boy just spent a lot less so end up meeting my pal and then my Powers I'll listen the podcast I'll produce it and you just be the man so I was like right because all my life I'd always took up something and got interest in it then patched it and it always feels and the usual stuff that comes up [Music] Jordan was saying that as as a fear thing that when you're trying to put yourself out there like you you think well foreign is what your family think or what you think or what you think are going to what you're finally going to think about you and your friends right and you think about them both you'll do focal hi hi if you patch them not patch them but just don't forget because they'll tell me you're doing you're [ __ ] off your head to do something like that right or you're starting so you're starting a business or a podcast or whatever you're off you're off your head too leave your job and that kind of stuff so your family and your friends are your your worst critics all right if you can get over then right and say I'm going to do this right everything else usually what's out yeah of course I feel as well I see the the more body in the ideas are the bigger the senior reads means the better the idea is is resistance because uh I remember somebody saying to me like I've spent all my life they're wondering about what they think but um at this point in my life I'm still trying to figure out who they are yeah because it's on head it's like imagine like the caveman so at this point I'd really get up in a lot of things that I'd get interested I've done about a boxing when I was like 15 I've done it for like a year then patched it and just went like I haven't notified that's on the honey and maybe go to a certain degree of uh skeleton and patched it a little hiddenness about me and my head down my [ __ ] failure that's not hang so when I go to the stage of the podcast I was like I'm not getting up in this I'm not I'm I don't give a [ __ ] it's like this is one thing I'm going to stick to it so and I quite like the idea of being the guy in Canada I mean that eagle I mean I'm the main guy because when those 40s doing a podcast it'll be each other it's hard to get a lot then in plus it's easy to let somebody else take the conversation away whereas the the answers is on me the date so I like that idea so I just started Dana man then I people started thinking I was actually enjoying I realized how much I actually enjoyed speaking to people because it was like drunk to me so I realized that as well man I'd see things I'd have a podcast that I can't even asked in I said you know what hopefully they came to us and that like you're coming today I make like [ __ ] bastard man he's coming so stuff like that but then I'd go and see within the first 10 15 minutes of talking a lot it's what you said oh it's it's amazing place after when you're talking but see after it and then you kind of reflected that podcast it's you're less [ __ ] obvious brilliant then you just take nuggets from that podcast you can't stop talking about it it's like when's the next one when's the next one especially if you're one it's quite inspirational it's got a lot of pure motivational messages I want people to hear this no of course of course that's my big thing when you're listening back like there's so many Snappers to the podcast that we've done previously it's even one of them someday just they're sitting neighbor to go think there's any other option other than they take their in Life or whatever that looks like and that's Monday morning whenever it is and you pick up a podcast and there's one step in there that they go I'll try that and it stops in the keys of another 24 hours another 24 hours something can happen that gives them that pick up that guitar get like go that walk in nature jump in that that gives them that buzz that they can then can I not pick up the usual cork whatever it is and go to that go to that look at that can introduce somebody a newbie I think and that's all some people need that so I'll just start the inspiration I thought because it's and as it's the relatability when you look at something it's all one thing looking at something going like he's I mean he's going to tell he's doing Dynamite because he came for this but uh so he's in Dynamite because he's less than that I know he came out I'm comfortable here but you see something like this came for the [ __ ] they've been through it well he's just it could have been you could have been set in the same room as you could have been in that sale we at the same time and look at Jordan and that that's what John Dunn did that not progress you see that that's what makes it whenever I get these doubts and don't get me wrongly they come but are you the best place to be sitting here using this as a platform but when you get that and and you get that realization you're then you're going to be helping you you're gain it back you gain a platform for people to set a a community of listeners to really get the tools that are needed to get through life in a [ __ ] daily basis because it's hard it's all I mean about about how hard it can be in certain things right or or having that motivation day to do something whether that's going to the gym or doing a podcast or or whatever that maybe but it's just having that can I I I'm going to do something I'm going to do something the thing is as affecting whatever I was talking about mental health right it's affecting the community I mean I want to get into the community and I mean I don't care about anything else just your local community right and helping them and because they can relate to guys like us like Jordan like you don't get into your house I've never been in a garden or three guys sitting talking about mental health that's never going to [ __ ] happen yeah you know what I mean so that's why this is that like if this is the only place that people are able to hear that and say like I'm no Daft I'm no like [ __ ] ashamed of how I'm feeling because then then that's the best [ __ ] but I can help these people to talk about it and that's why I've been using this platform to do that definitely see that's what I was going to say I just remember there so it's taught about finding your purpose I think because see what my definition their purpose is it's something that sells somebody else it's no gesture or let's say of somebody else it serves the greater good and see things like this it's like that's what you keep coming back to see when it does get difficult and you're struggling to get by you're struggling to put in a time like this is getting a hard work it's coming back to that purpose but this is this isn't just affecting me I might save somebody's life within this so that's where you get that motivation and that fuel thing and we're living at a great time series so as much as social media can have its fault in that kind of thing it can have it's good as well because you don't need to go on any like [ __ ] mainstream Terror sky or whatever the [ __ ] there's one to tell it to hear these stories because a lot of these stories when they make on the trailer because there's no sound that's famous it's no the papers haven't picked up we decide which stories go at then because we are but representative of the walking class the people that don't really get our stories told on this area now where it's mainstream accessible no I mean it's like there's no limit to it can be said there's near there's no dilution of the content I mean you're saying how how you actually feel you kind of go and like [ __ ] I don't know good morning but I didn't say I [ __ ] might have killed myself because I've been taking too much gear in that kind of [ __ ] it's like they'll know the way that no I mean but it's that's the thing that's why people were struggling before because they were looking at these people and it's like fair play them celebrities now they wouldn't talk about their drug problem because they could Nick is they're going to get what because then it would like that against them so it's like he's perfect he's doing amazing but it's like these podcasts are great opportunity for people who actually come on and say listen this is where I'm at or this is where this is life this is real this is what's happening everywhere you know what I mean I used to think well when I was younger well I used to think it was only movies I know he died there or finally if your your life looks sorry you're doing amazing you're getting a reason if you don't know what the [ __ ] man it just that was the biggest realization I've had that everybody does suffer of course absolutely exactly no matter how good you've got it yeah I mean people suffer then that's I think that's what and our thing is uh so I was [ __ ] really selfish when I was younger and on top of you know goes really selfish then they like eat too much I [ __ ] about well if you know so much then again I [ __ ] I didn't take any other people's feelings into consideration because I felt worse I always felt worse I was what I'm watching you so no I mean I should get the priority in this but looking back I'm like people just came through that in battles people are going through the range yeah everybody's in the same boat at one stage you know what I mean so as well and as it's getting people is relatable but also people that are almost like you're talking about your big J in that one I mean it's people that are maybe in all famous famous but they're in the public right to a certain degree so some people look at my other videos and all that kind of stuff and there's times I'm putting videos I'm depressed at my not let me know so much because since I've got another cover you know I mean I don't I'm absent so let's speak just very quickly we were speaking in a way I wonder what is it see what is it you're you're in ca ca so I went in it first right so the very first time I ever decided I'm gonna get off this I ended up now that it was a Sunday I ended up on a bit I'm mad one it was a ended up [ __ ] it was a pop-up I'll end up with a few more powers in a while said the challenge man it was just [ __ ] banging strong stuff like rocket fuel for Columbus in there when him and that and I was what the next day and I [ __ ] remember waking up in the morning I'm gonna [ __ ] kill myself as I planned that was going up to Billy's myself I was in my head I was like [ __ ] this I can't be dealing with this anymore and then someone just getting through your head at that point I think it was just [ __ ] back here again but in the condom it was just so bad this point it was just really bad and uh I was just lying in bed like ah since I get up I'm gonna go and do my ceiling [ __ ] him I've got a walk so I eventually just drive myself out of bed and just wait a walk and it was weird man see I was in what obviously [ __ ] all day but see when I was coming home on the bus I was sitting in the bus and I started getting [ __ ] pure anxiety like really bad I started dialing it swelled up it was just you know a lot of people ruin his man I was I need to get off this bus and when I go up the bus said stop that set of lights and the bus stop was just after the lights so I was kind of like [ __ ] I didn't get off this bus it was just laughs my life after [ __ ] after the bus in there it was weird I started to feel uncomfortable my own body I was looking down at myself and I was like doesn't he feel like me no I mean I felt detached my body I don't know if it's a depersonalization or something that's what it felt like I was like asking him that just I felt as if I don't know what else I was moving it and it was like my horns I was like are these mine it was a [ __ ] weird feeling in it oh wow so my my antidote was that I wouldn't get a better Greener or something I was like I'll smoke a bag of green that was sort of what he'd [ __ ] put one up here at all blazing went doing that steep power that's [ __ ] always mental man so I've done that then I ended up getting a [ __ ] I hadn't took violence since my Valentines and I was like all right he get his little [ __ ] some volume of [ __ ] whatever the [ __ ] it was I see violin Valentine [ __ ] noise whip by Nature so I took that and don't get me wrong it did kind of quell the anxiety for that but yeah the next day I was a pure [ __ ] while getting my [ __ ] you know I'll give my Powers my boss at the time and then they come down [ __ ] hot as it was bad man and I was like I don't know what [ __ ] anybody doing this [ __ ] I'm just going back the way so I'd tell myself I came all this way I felt so that's when I went in my first CA meeting I went to it was in the castle on that man and walked in and then my anxiety was just through the roof in there it was just up your total new environment because everybody was so welcoming the reason you're sitting talking I could feel the anxiety feeling up I just it was something about it man and that my mindset at the time what they go through there about where the room shares and they'll go like somebody will share their story at the top table like this is a person that's a bit of addiction all the the clean as such we shared a story like where they started whether that can inspire people then the second part of the meeting let the last two people that are sitting there if they were sharing but this is the upright uh any new comments will be without your name the two speed Knight s is because some people and meetings no man I'm like clinch my stubborn live what the [ __ ] is this kind of one so he was still my name is Jordan I'm an addict and that's you that's you need to see that before you see it you don't need to see it but that's what you say wasn't it I was wasn't he seen that in common with people I don't know a lot of guys saying I've took smoke crack every day you know I'm not smoking crack every day I'm not like him so I must know about an addict so as soon as the condensed subsided that was me off never went back or never went back to that same meeting then uh obviously when the next Camden came I went back again then it was starting to become a regular if I end up you know that kind of stuff and I thought that was the answer I was like this is the answer to life this is what US humans are meditate that [ __ ] grows at all that [ __ ] man there but there was times I would end up on it and I'd end up in the garage as well something like I said something I didn't see every resolution I thought in my head there was null and void because I was realizing that so as times after about I come down I'd end up going I'm eating anything to come then went away so the first meeting 2019 and 2019 so yeah see when I say I'm [ __ ] I'm [ __ ] up my dates yes it started in 2018 so it's about 2019 I went in my first meeting in a lot did not happening I never they were laughing at can I don't know and it was probably about last year I started dabbling but yeah there's a 22 I'm sorry I'm losing my dates right so to that point I was like I'd go to the odd meeting then it was a so she stayed in Edinburgh so it was one of their ones it was about like a [ __ ] she'd seen each other obviously I took your set days to see each other that's just fair enough so I was kind of into it on that and I remember I've been seen her for a few months and I ended up I had a gig so I was dealing with rap music at this point I kind of changed the kind of music I was doing no change it just started trying something new so that's getting Edinburgh now I went in there obviously I'm turning the whole bottles and that and I'll just drink tonight did you know noise I'll just drink the smoke so somebody's left out a bag again there's my butt there and she was obviously in this and I end up when I went back she came up to me and obviously would have a hard time and I woke up I've been doing like for that but they come down like that [ __ ] what have I done man it's like yeah yeah so uh not team I woke up I was like [ __ ] in here I'm just like I'm just telling her I can't I can't accept me off after doing this so uh I told her right away then obviously she kind of finished things in that kind of thing and then I was like I cannot at that point I cannot really doubted myself I was gonna question myself because I'd always said the first time I've ever done that so I said like when somebody was involved with something and I always thought about cancer if you did that and that was my opinion of people then I was like I've done this a bit when I woke up sober it was like looking at a [ __ ] different person so uh in the day so when I actually had done that I was kind of art right if I've done that [ __ ] what else am I capable well that's when I started taking her can I get the fear so I made it I just went like [ __ ] it I'm getting an ass recovery man I'm getting half of it so I'd met a few people in the company ended up quite powering them so I knew about it so I went to any narcotics anonymous at first and then I went to that but at the time I was making a dose and psilocybin so I was like this will keep me off it yeah let's start my tea tank I need to take something to [ __ ] I need to take drugs to stay out of drugs I mean that was my mindset so it was good at that now I was going there just got a meeting tonight but as I said I wasn't doing it right now I lasted 10 weeks I didn't have a sponsored or nothing so you get a lot of sponsor they'll take you through the 12-step program well so when you're getting you get help that is quite definitely it's any you need you need to take up a relationship with somebody because you have to go a bit burn yourself you might pick the right person but I was nearly I don't know I was going like one meeting a week so I wasn't getting enough time to get to know people in it so yeah [Music] [ __ ] I was just getting lost I was eating that polish I've always I used to feel bent teeth right I don't think it was like 20 and I get braces so I get straight teeth and uh so once I get straight to you I've always worried about my teeth like [ __ ] so since when I get stoned in that I eat a powder of [ __ ] I kind of control am I eating crap so I'm going up losing my teeth I'm going up going to do aliases this is it and plus as well as I said the podcast I haven't gone for this when I'm stoned I'm very content to sit in my ass and do nothing so I'm like ah this is I'd convinced myself when I was after I was at the green used to be such a benefit to me and that's when I realized I was like this is new what the [ __ ] so it's been like that [ __ ] it I'm getting back into recovery so I ditched all my [ __ ] I tried it so many times you're going I'd go on my own [ __ ] to my power now he asked me half it in the next day I'd phone him like I come and get that so I was like just been the organized don't even give me that [ __ ] Community then uh I go back into the meetings but I ended up I was looking for a sponge and I think I spoke about her own uh my podcast I said it somewhere and that somebody messaged me and they're saying why don't you ask this guy James to be a sponsor basically James on my podcast so he's quite big on recovery and Trauma because I'd say effects uh addiction that kind of stuff he's been clean 19 years and I was like and I'm quite proud what's his name James Dockery right yeah his name is so he's been clean 19 years so somebody says why do you guys can't it be a sponsor that was like light bulb one or something I don't just ask him so I asked him and then he's like right here if one disease like that right so it Fellowship yet and I was like [ __ ] no he's like all right so the way it works like any and CA any narcotics anonymous cocaine and all this cooking and I was they both did it 12 steps but they did it differently she's like the way I learned it was through the big book so that's like the big book called Alcoholics Anonymous book but basically it's called alcoholics and cocaine and honors but it's for alcohol and cocaine and all other my downtrend substances so it covers them all but I was under impression on Narcotics Anonymous you need to go with that because I'm smoking green yeah yeah but he's like no it's just a name so I was like right so he's like I'll be a sponsor so take it through the steps so we started that I've been response after just there I'm running for myself and since I've been off I've no drank since that day first of July last time I drank took year I've been taught with abstinent nearly two months two months at the end the last month foreign funding obviously for a Sonic oven in that so I went and ordered two cameras I'm not gonna say well in case I get stuck in I've got two cameras and uh the way it was it was during the Royal Mail strike so the cameras get sent out by Royal Mail or to get the Center Royal Mail picked them up and Royal Mail was going to deliver them but they picked them up as two separate orders so they went to the depot the straight card and then it was like a week later one gets sent out is expecting a race has got to be scared because it has got a heavy backlog I [ __ ] deliveries so I got one one there and I was like all right just waiting another one in the next day I was like the door went forced him up some result with my camera he gave me his eyeballs he's quite heavy me and then I've got it and I've opened it there's a [ __ ] MacBook Air in it visualization is a key man these kinds of sent me there's MacBook is that the exact same one you were wanting exact same one wow they [ __ ] up and then somebody's I won't see all that and then you can make your money back but then I was like ah wait a minute man surely leave no maintenance and that then the next day Doyle goes post again is your camera bro [Music] still like December so last month and last month I bet my theory something was in what tell me they put defeating my lessons are four but lockdown happened and I fell away fit in a business so when that's came back in uh I wound up and she said that this one there was nothing right [ __ ] I'm gonna put my license and I went and looked but my very sorry and uh when I've looked back when I book it [ __ ] last time like it was last year of the year before it was that it was such a backlog you were having to go down south to try and get a test and I went and looked and they had availability for test in January that was like [ __ ] it I'm just booking it in January and then that way if I broke it it'll light a fire in the mass it gives you the motivation to get a bit [ __ ] studying but that's that man but the full team at the Christmas holidays I'm I'm kicking back so I then they start revising it last week my theory test was uh with days of the day Saturday I think it was Wednesday past may have been Wednesday went up and passed yeah talking past it yeah I went up and I was sitting right before I went to testing I was doing all the mock testing it see when I went and did the test it was the exact same questions it was like again like the visualization right I've never read the secret I'm used to eating up the same as you three minutes and anxiety takes you in me who deal with money what have I done it became [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] that will never go easy without that anxiety however a debuted I've got keys and tools no and maloka that soon as my hits to play I need to go like my boy's in the Next Room he's healthy he's fat my daughter fatten Hill if you have walk in the eyes and see that we [ __ ] hang sex your day still going to be [ __ ] up whatever else your days are like but it's a tool that you use it makes out me about a difference it allows you to [ __ ] that was it [ __ ] I saw when I've done a document anything I just released obviously about the the natural month okay so I went and filmed that that was up here after the win thing I've done a podcast where I coach Scott Forbes it was a lawyer that Drew a book in the case basically saying all the inconsistencies with the police in here and the their actions and who you think's done it I've done a podcast room and it done decent views a lot of people what engagement what in the comments he said it is let's do a documentary about it I was like [ __ ] out that documentary so uh I would have did a documentary and I tried to get somebody to film it and then it was coming one of your minds it was [ __ ] it was costing a bit of money and just couldn't find the right person and somebody's like listen I'll film it for you but the only edit it and I was like I can hear that so I was like I like the challenge I didn't so we went and filmed it and then that was but last month I was already I like this done for Christmas it's just I was waking up and I just felt heavy pressure and uh usually when I felt this pressure I would like smoke a joint it'll be sound but then I remember one morning waking up and I just felt it I haven't tapped me and I was like that's not an option it's more a joint so that's when I had to realize right you're gonna need to develop some sort of method to kind of deal with us and then I went and sat back and I was like wait a minute right so who's sitting this deadline and having this document to it for Christmas well that's me like I need these paying money I need these [ __ ] expecting a day you'll just want it for Christmas we can sit in your last Christmas and that's when I realized and I was like right so that's when I realized stop thinking about everything in the future I haven't even gotten tap just treated like a husks whenever Ricky's looking at her he's looking at the house he's looking at the brackets in front of him and he's putting one back it's been so much easier I didn't see that's the thing I wouldn't wear drugs I wouldn't have been able to devise that strategy to do it so that's great and I mean you've got some story about everybody can you get you back but the setting but it's been amazing I can get using mine as well yeah absolutely your story is nowhere kind of stuff if you could give one piece of advice to our listeners what would that be that'll go through the same [ __ ] yeah and the addictions whatever maybe it may be mental health wise don't be afraid to ask for help man but the best thing you ever done man as I said it's the small steps cover the greatest distance man just take it one step at a time just if you get an issue they'll say oh man go to see you go [ __ ] handles um for now we are the Devlin brothers and we are real raw and relevant [Music] foreign

Channel: Devlin Brothers

Views: 3,839

Keywords: Devlin Brothers, Hawaii Fivo, Tiktok, prison, devlin bros, podcast, devlin brothers podcast, devlin bros podcast, rap, hip hop

Id: 0U64-UGRkHs

Length: 125min 23sec (7523 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 26 2023