- When "Princess Protection Program" premiered on the Disney Channel in 2009, it was at the height
of stars, Demi Lovato, and Selena Gomez's
well-publicized best friendship because in Hollywood
there is no relationship that's too sacred to be
exploited for commercial gain. The press loves to either
label people as enemies like Joan and Bette, or interdependent like Bella and Edward, as long as the women who are involved, stick to the negative stereotypes that have been created for them. While it's true that
since their Disney days, Selena and Demi have
committed the mortal sin of falling out of touch
with a childhood friend, we can still look to this tale
of a royal fish out of water. To see these two young stars
revel in all the soda slurping, crazy faced chemistry of two best friends playing best friends in a TV movie. So let's travel from Costa
Luna to a Louisiana swamp, and catch a hilariously
non-lethal political coup, a main character who could
use a little more grit, and an outrageously handsome, single father/global secret service agent, who, also, for some reason, maintains a successful bait business by exploiting the child
labor of his daughter. It's time to royally wreck another famous Hollywood friendship in this chum-chummy installment
of "Clip Breakdown." (upbeat music) Hello, television
viewers, my name is Nick. Thank you so much for joining
me once again on my channel for another installment
of "Clip Breakdown." This is the playlist where
we find our favorite movies, TV movies, and other such
content here on the web. And we break it down into
little clips, hence the name. And today we're busting
up a small island nation called Costa Luna in a very highly requested
"Clip Breakdown." People have been wanting me
to cover this one for a while. It's sort of one of those unique Disney Channel original movies in that it wasn't a franchise. It was just a one off, but still contained two of
their A-listers at the time in Selena and and Demi. And I remember watching
this way back in the 2010s when I had some sort of binge
of Disney Channel movies. So let's get back into it,
but with a critical eye, but first make sure you give
this video a big thumbs up. Make sure you click that subscribe button. That way you never miss
new videos from me. I upload two new ones every week. So the main character of this
movie played by Selena Gomez is Carter as in Aaron and Nick. They're like let's give
her the name Carter, because we've all met a Carter before. The names in these movies. And I know there's gonna be six Carters commenting down below your name is weird. I'm just kidding, I do like
the name, just not common. Carter, what are you up to today? Oh, yeah, this is another
kid's movie that tries to convince us that Selena Gomez
is a, quote, unquote, tomboy, by putting her in a
fitted T, and visored hat. In my high school, if you were
gonna call yourself a tomboy, you better be walking down those
hallways with cargo shorts, and a buzz cut. If you're not swinging from the rafters by your wallet chain, you're not a tomboy. Also, in high school, I wore
body spray and carried a purse. How come nobody called me a tomgirl? Mm, it was probably just faster to say (beep) at that point for them, but back to the invalidation of this hat, clearly this stylist was like, oh, yeah, once you put this on, I don't see a millionaire child star with a personal trainer, and glam team. Check the hat, momma,
that's a train conductor. Also, I'm starting to realize
that a lot of famous actors don't know how to do something
naturally in a close-up. She put that hat on like it's
her imaginary thinking cap. When I worked on the hair
and makeup department, this is the kind of shot that
the AD would for some reason schedule to be done first
thing in the morning, right when their hair is freshly styled. You can see from those flyaways on Selena, this was probably their
second or third take. There are also times in this movie where it just kind of
in general seems like they forgot to do the
back of Selena's hair, or maybe they thought
it would be out of frame since this was one of the first movies that Disney simultaneously
released in wide screen on DVD, but on set they were probably shooting for the four by three aspect ratio that broadcast television
was in at the time. There are other widescreen
versions of things where you can see a lot of
stuff that they had framed out like "Malcolm in the
Middle" you can see like they have extras moved and
you can see crew members. Anyway, we just saw Carter works at the bait shop of her dad, and the boy that she really, really likes, who doesn't remember her name is supposed to give her a
ride to school every day. It's like, if you drove
her to school every day, you would remember her name, but the popular girls of the school, uh-uh, they're not having it. - Um, there's no room for me. - Sure, there is, come on. - No, she's right. Brooke's already wrinkling
my after-lunch outfit. - I'm sorry, Carter,
hey, thanks for the bait. - And thank you, Donny, for your service in the Vietnam War. This character is supposed to be in his senior year of high school, but right now he's reading as someone's not that much older than me
stepdad from "Cougar Town." Okay, I could already tell, it's gonna take a little extra energy to make it through this
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at cometeer.com/nickdiramio. Ah, this is a good one. Uh, it's nighttime, and I'm doing that. Despite this movie taking
place in Louisiana and Europe, it was actually shot on location
all throughout Puerto Rico. And it seems like their windy
season was a constant struggle for some of the cast. Trying to be cool and
popular looking like the girl from the "Les Mis" poster all
growed up, and as we said, Selena is not immune to any
hair challenges in this movie. - I can't stand them,
they're such princesses. (phone ringing) - It's Mason. - [Man] Right away. - You leaving again? - Two days, max. - Just be careful, okay? - You're the one who needs to be careful because your hair is currently skydiving. Also, I don't think the pejorative use of the word princesses, ever manages to sound
natural in this movie. No matter how much the
script tries to use it as clumsy foreshadowing or wordplay, those mean girls basically
ruin Carter's life, and she's like, ugh, you princess. Uh, okay, that sort of
just conjures the image of someone well-loved and poised, like Princess Diana or
Princess the Diaries. As we saw from that telecommunication, which the dad can only
access from his truck for some reason, he's been called in to work at
his secret, yes, second job. That's when we jump over to Costa Luna, and meet our second main
character, Rosalinda, or let me say her full name for you. - [Man] Her Royal Highness,
Rosalinda Maria Montoya Fiore. Princesa de Costa Luna. - Ah, it's Off-Broadway Belle
from an Italian regional tour of "Beauty and the Beast." You don't really see many
productions embracing the fact that in the original cartoon, Belle was, in fact, a child bride. Europe is not afraid to
give you the full Lolita, we know that. Oh, someone asked what this lip gloss was. It's Fenty Beauty cream in Peach Pout. Great for summer. ♪ In the summer ♪ From what we can see, Princess
Rosalinda has it made. She's a month out from being coronated to be the queen of her beloved land. It seems like everyone loves her. She's got this fabulous dress designer who she trusts so much. Oh, and we see Major Mason,
which is Carter's dad's name, talking to Rosalinda's mom who's like, I'm worried about her safety. And he's like, I'll take great care of her by not really helping that much, because pretty much
immediately after this happens. - If any person has a reason to object, let them come forward and be heard. (screaming) - I object. - Okay, not to criticize
Major Mason, the bodyguard, but he could have just thrown a sword through the princess's
head if he wanted to, while Mason and every other armed guard were sniffing around
the charcuterie platter. And since when would an absolute monarch field the proletariat for objections before taking the crown? That sounds a tad democratic to me. So, yeah, eventually someone's
gonna chop your head off with a sword that's the oligarchy (beep). So even though this dictator, his name is, let me find out so I know. You would think I could
remember these names while I'm watching the movie, but momma, just keeping both eyes open,
sometime, is the real struggle. General Kane, so General Kane is like, I will take the throne, I'm from Costa, um, ugh, it's another
Costa, what does he say? Costa Luna and Costa Estrella. The Coast of the Moon,
and Coast of the Stars. So Costa Estrella, this guy General Kane wants
to unite their two countries. And, basically, for whatever
reason that's not good. We don't really know, like, he definitely
gives off an evil vibe, but he's not for sure saying like, we're gonna lock this down. We're gonna take away your freedoms. We're gonna make everyone poor. So I don't really know why these two don't wanna be overtaken, or join forces, or why it's so hostile, but we do know that
Major Mason is the hero because he swings down on
a single piece of fabric, and kicks two guards,
which is like, great, maybe take care of their machine guns, but they get Rosalinda out of there. And, basically, the mom is like, we had a plan 'cause I
knew this would happen. It's like, don't not tell her if you knew that was gonna happen. She could have been
impaled next to a priest, but, anyway, they fly
her out on a helicopter. She's like, as long as
you stay with Major Mason, you'll be fine. You'll come back as soon as you can. And they're like, um, General
Kane is gonna be waiting for you to contact me so
that they can find you, and throw us in prison forever. So even though it's hard, don't talk to me from
wherever you're going. And to me I'm just like,
couldn't they just like, not give her a phone if
it was that important, like give her no way of communicating? Then they don't have to worry about it. It's very confusing the way they try to protect
the princesses in this program, but Rosalinda flies off with
her green eyeshadow crying. And I love this shot where
they're in a helicopter, looking down at the castle. I was like, where did they shoot this? Was it somewhere in California? So that's when I looked online and saw, oh, Puerto Rico makes
kind of perfect sense. They would have, like,
swampy looking areas that they could make look like Louisiana, as well as just a little further inland kind of give you that European town feel. And you're still in a U.S. territory. Back on the ground,
basically, the mom is like, I will never tell you
where my daughter is. And for some reason you
won't kill me about it. Like to me, it seems, I
know it's a Disney movie, but a lot of the natural next
steps for these evil dictators would be to ruthlessly kill
everyone from the old regime, but he's really more about
like, I'm gonna marry you. I'm gonna force you to marry me. It's like forced marriage
is not way better in terms of the human rights spectrum, but it is a little more kid-friendly, but forget about Costa Luna, okay? We're back with Rosalinda
in this secret compound getting the tea. - Princess Rosalinda Maria Montoya Fiore, you are now in the safe custody of the international
Princess Protection Program. - It's character actress, Molly Hagan. You may recognize her from playing the mom who turns out to have killed her daughter in, like, seven forensic
crime procedural shows. If you watch "CSI:Miami" you've seen her drown
her kid, or something. And as you can see, she
listed German accent on the special skills
section of her resume, but as you can hear, she was not being totally
honest about that. - The Princess Protection Program, a top-secret agency funded by
the world's royal families. - All right, well, at
least she kept the voice up for that whole shot we got
before the lunch break. She was like, this is too
hard, and I told the producers, it would be funnier if I got to play it with an Indian accent, but they never responded to that email. They were like, should we put her in a
German military uniform? No, that's too much, that's scary. - We are actively providing
protection to 29 princesses, all of whom have been threatened
in one way or another. - What kind of dystopian alternate reality does this movie take place in? If royal princesses from, like, one-eighth of all the countries on Earth are being targeted for assassination, I highly doubt that all of them are known for throwing gold coins
out to the peasants, and evenly distributing wealth. If the Princess Protection Program truly cared about justice, it would relinquish these
young girls to Interpol, so they can be tried as war criminals. Can you tell that I was on the Model UN, but then I got exiled once they found out that I'm not really a working model. Those tasteful nude portraits were actually just a Sims 2 character who kind of looked like me. The Princess Protection Program itself is clearly shot inside an
emptied out shopping mall, I'm just noticing, or,
like, maybe a hotel. She, like, goes down these
escalators into a lobby. Yeah, it's looking like a hotel maybe. They're like, let's just
put some tables out, cafe tables, it's fine. They're like we are so good at making over all of the president's daughters. It's like, no, you're not. And they go to cut her hair. I love a low-budget makeover. They're about to cut her hair
and she's like, no, no, no. Let me talk to Major Mason. I don't like what's going on here. Let me go back to my country, and Major Mason reiterates for
her why she cannot do that. - General Kane is hoping
you'll contact her, so we'll know where to find you. - What if he does find me? - He'll make you take out
those clip-in hair extensions, and have them redone by a professional. So Rosalinda's surprising
makeover in this movie is comprised of cutting her hair. Even though it kind of already looks like they just need to tear
along the perforated lines. Her hair extensions look
like notebook paper. Also, I go back and forth. Like I do believe that this movie set up the stakes really well. Like I feel convinced, like,
Rosie had to leave her home. She left her mom behind
where they're like, no, she's safe as long as you stay here. So as long as you stay hidden, your mom and your country's
people will be safe. So I like that they set
up this hole for her to want to go back to her country 'cause she's so loyal to her people. And yet the right thing to do
is to stay hidden right now. So the setup great. Everything else after that kind of feels like one big plot hole. - Good work. - From now on you are no longer princess. You are now Rosie Gonzalez,
an average American girl. - I don't wanna question the
witness protection geniuses who are creative enough to
change Rosalinda's identity by shortening her hair
and her name slightly, but if she's gonna be safe by blending in with American teenagers, then wouldn't she be even
safer by remaining indoors at a private location and
not interacting with anyone? Major Mason is like, if anyone
finds out that you're here, then you and your mother are
gonna die in a work camp, pushing boulders uphill like
goddamn Icarus and syphilis. Did I just say Icarus and syphilis? Who is Icarus and syphilis? Who's the guy who pushed
the boulder up the mountain? Sisyphus, ha, ha, ha,
syphilis, I like that better. Anyway, he's like you gotta stay hidden, or it's, basically, World War
III starting up right away. Anyway, have fun at homecoming. I'll be selling worms
part-time for some reason, that's what really gets me. Mason is the owner of Joe's
bait shack back at home, which is what Carter helps him out at. And I'm like, what is his job? He's like, I guess it's
supposed to be like, oh, the bait shop is a front
for his secret agent things, but then why are the locals coming up, and buying worms from his daughter? Maybe it would be cool if it
was like one little stand, and then it had a secret
doorway that went into, and she, like, followed him when she's complaining
about Rosie showing up. If she, like, follows him
through the secret passage, and it's really a secret
lab, so we know, oh, okay. He has a little bait stand, but it's really all about
this, blah, blah, blah. And maybe he has, like, phone
beeps, and they're like, wow, you have a really fancy cell phone for someone who sells fish heads. And he's like, ha, ha, ha,
ha, I'm in credit card debt. I don't know, you know,
like these are the details that I understand require
a bit more budget and time, and draft revisions to execute. And if there was anything like
that it probably got cut out, but, uh, to me it's like
find a way to do it. Find a way to do it. Give me the secret back room. You know, us gays, we
just love a back room. So Carter comes home and she's like, dad, why is there a
slightly Spanish speaking English type of royalty in my house? And right away, they try to sell that Rosalinda is a fish
out of water, as I said, because she's used to fancy royal stuff. She's like, oh, this suite will do, even though it's smaller than mine. Can you have this bed removed? And Carter's like, do you
see the (beep) textbooks, and cardboard cutouts in this room? It's obviously not a suite. Do you not realize you're
a political prisoner? So, yeah, they get off to a rocky start. Carter is like, you stay
on your side of the room. I'll stay in mine. And Rosie just sort of, like, hides away in her room all night. - [Carter] I don't want that. - [Joe] Oh, that's good. - So I thought princesses had
designer clothes and stuff. - I was thinking you could, you know, loan her some of your stuff. - Girl, what is up with
this government agency that you keep risking your life for? Does the Princess Protection Program really not have the budget to
provide a T.J. Maxx gift card to the teenage political asylum seeker? We can see Carter already
has enough to deal with just from her precariously
placed nighttime soda. She better be a gamer girl, or she does not need that
much caffeine after sunset. So Carter brings her some
pizza and this girl is like, don't be a star El Bonio,
and it's like, okay. You seem a lot more fluent in English than you do in the Spanish that
your country seems to speak. I think it's also interesting
to note that Disney really started making a
star out of Selena and Demi. First was Selena Gomez in
"Wizards of Waverly Place" because after "Hannah Montana" they felt they desperately
needed a TV show, and properties, and starlet of some
type of Latina descent. And with Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato both having Latin heritage
they were, like, perfect. They're not full brown, but they got the last
name and the dark hair. I'm not saying it's a bad thing because I'm very happy that
the world got to know Demi, and Selena as stars, but it just feels really calculated like it was at that time when
Disney was like, all right, the population has changed so
much that we actually do need to stop putting some
white girls on camera. We can't have them all be
blonde hair, blue-eyed anymore. It doesn't reflect the
people who are watching. Like, yeah, we bend new. Some of the stuff that
Rosalinda is freaked out about from this, like, simple life of hers now is stuff that I also have an issue with. (screaming) - Come on, do they not have
lizards where you're from? - Okay, her hometown can
still have wild reptiles without them specifically crawling around the inside of her mansion, leaving salmonella footprints
all over that model ship. Don't act like Rosie is the weird one just because you think
it's okay for your bedroom to feel like that creepy
corner of the pet store. Every time I go into the reptile section where there's, like, black
lights and heat lamps at a pet store I'm just sure a tarantular, a tarantula
is gonna jump on my back. Tarantular, I say words weirdly, like, as a joke I started
saying, like, scars guard, the AR thing for everything. I'm like my sister I'm like, Mollinar, we nard new tar shoe parper. And now it's become just an
actual speech impediment, or I don't know how to
speak properly, so, yeah, we're supposed to believe that Louisiana, you just have lizards in your
house and you're like, what? That's my captive trained lizard who crawls around the house, and (beeps) in my cereal. Like, okay, momma, you need to settle. This is the most bewildering
part they're like, and now you're magically
enrolled at school as a new person with a
social security number. - Where are we going? - School, you're 16, you go to school. - Selena Gomez invented the
realism of talking while eating on the Disney Channel,
and I just have to say it. It's a technique that I
recognize from her character, Alex Russo, on the
"Wizards of Waverly Place" of which I have seen every
single episode at the age of 19, during one really weird
summer, I wanna try it. You have to talk like
you're getting something outta the back of your teeth. School, you're 16, we go to school. See, now I'm getting ready
in the morning for breakfast. Someone cast me in their TV movie. I'll do this, look at that, I can do it. I'm just like, don't send her
to school, that's literally, there's so many (beep) unknown variables when you send her into a
building of people, but whatever. Like it's not a law that kids in America have to go to school,
just have her stay inside. Put her in a Hilton. - Princess 379 is in position,
stage four is complete. - She's safe, then? - That's affirmative, absolutely safe. - I made sure of it by sending
her out into the public without supervision for eight hours while I stay here and do nothing. No, of course, I love Major Mason. I mean, obviously, he's hot,
but also because he thought, hmm, so Rosalinda is being targeted by a group of dangerous
international terrorists. I better send her into the
nearest school full of children while holding hands, and being best friends
with my young daughter. Girl, you do not value the
human life of Louisiana. He said, if the school gets blown up, the school gets blown up. I'm trying to sell my fish. As soon as Rosie gets
into school, all the, oh, what's the boy's name? Booker Donny. Donny has a thing for
the new girl right away, which is obviously not great for Selena who's had a crush on him since
they kissed in third grade. I'm like, again, if you
knew someone in third grade, there is no way you
would forget their name when you're in school with
them every day since then, that's ridiculous. That would be like me
forgetting Stephanie A. I remember you, Stephanie,
from first grade. (blowing nose) It's also crazy to me
that Carter would be, like, the outcast weirdo in the school. And then Rosie is somehow like hot (beep) even though they look very the same in terms of the way they dress
and do their makeup and hair, having conventionally
attractive thin bodies. It's like they would do well
in high school both of them. So let's not act like
there's some huge difference. I think a lot of movies try to give us, like, the makeover of
"The Princess Diaries," which Anne Hathaway looked so funny in her made under kind of outfit, but they had a lot more
makeup and hair going on than people realized, like, really expensive hair extensions, really subtle makeup and changes there. So the makeover of Rosie to Rosalinda is not as pronounced at this budget level. Back at home, Rosalinda's mom is like, I will never marry you and you
will never find my daughter. So the tension is building over there. General Kane realizes he needs
that daughter to come back if they're gonna get anything done in terms of taking over this town. I'm like, I don't know why she left. You got the throne. Seems like you can just start
applying force to people, but, nope, I would have loved
it if like, I don't know. They could build some more mythology into the Costa Luna thing where it's like the rightful owner of this golden scepter, or this beautiful necklace is the known inheritance of the crown because before Rosie left
she was given by her mom this locket to always remember people by. And then the locket has
nothing to do with the plot. Could have easily had
something to do with the plot, like, he's like, I need
to get that locket. It has the key to the throne. It has the key to all the money, or like it's used later to
prove her identity in some like, is she or is she not type of situation? That's what I need from the
necklace, we don't have it. So what we do have is Rosie being a little interesting
in the school department. The funniest joke of the
whole movie is in French. She is talking to the French
teacher and she's like, I speak French, Spanish, Japanese, but my favorite is English
because I'm American. Do you like being American
Mademoiselle Devereux? And the teacher is like, oh, yeah. I honestly wish we had
more of Rosie's character kind of being a motormouth, and having that clearly
be a stumbling block when it comes to keeping
her safe and protected. They wanna position it like
you're not blending in at all. You're lacking like a weirdo,
but I want it to be like, you keep revealing
information that's dangerous. - You're supposed to be blending in. - I am blending. - Speaking fluent French in class, and eating hamburger like you're
having tea with the queen. - Okay, where I'm from
she's eating a hamburger if we're talking about the sandwich. Eating hamburger would imply
that she's just shoveling loose ground beef into her mouth at tea with the queen for some reason. I spent a lot of time
thinking about that line. What's really not working
for me in this movie is that Rosie's character is too perfect. She has no character flaw. She's obedient, nice and
thoughtful at every turn. I need her to have something else, like, is she fiery and
mischievous like Zenon? Is she passionate and
just like Greta Thunberg, like, she has no personality other than being adored by everyone. I would even like it if she
had, like, this short temper where if she saw people,
smaller people being mistreated, she, like, went off and started
speaking Spanish and saying, how could you do this? And people are like, whoa. And so, like, when she gets excited, her brain gets the best of her, and she might reveal some secrets. That would be a great
way to kind of give her a little bit of something
she needs to work on, her impulsivity. The main character development for her is learning to enjoy normal
things and act like a teen, but that's literally just drinking soda, which, momma, they have soda
in every country I'm sure. Every developed country
with a castle at least. She'll be like, what is this? And they're like, that's
piaya, aren't you from Spain? So the principal announces,
ladies and gentlemen, we have the homecoming king and
queen nominations coming up. And, of course, Rosie is like, there's a king and queen here? I'm gonna teach you how to be a princess. And she stands up and nominates Carter. And the whole class was like, okay, we hate that (beep) but whatever. So I guess that's this
screenplay's version of giving us Rosie overstepping her boundaries, and being a little imperfect,
and overstaying her welcome. If they could have built it into something we already knew about her character, like she pushed people to do things that they weren't comfortable with, like maybe that dressmaker back home was nervous to talk to someone, or nervous to go after his big break, and she pushes him along,
something like that. Also, we don't see her helping people, or being generous at all in
Costa Luna where she's like caring for the sick and the
homeless, or whatever, so. All of this stuff is really, it's hard to grab onto for me, but, you know, they sell her home sickness by showing her looking
longingly at that locket that never does anything else, and things are not going so
well back at the bait shop where Carter basically
sends her to do a chore that causes her to fall
down and have worms on her. So it's like some physical comedy. And it does, uh, when I'm
watching from far away really squinting show
that Carter and Rosie are off to a rough start, you know? It's like in "The Parent Trap" where there's a lot of
animosity between the two twins, they're pulling pranks
on each other, doing war, that takes it to the level where it's like a real back and forth. And I know Rosie's like
a benevolent character, but maybe she, like,
is a little more sassy, and shows up Carter in
class by being like, oh, Carter, doesn't speak
Spanish as well as me. Even though I think her mom
spoke Spanish before she died. Anyway, Antoine says that would be good, but we don't get that. We do get a lot of
father-daughter playfulness. - All right, it's not funny. - You wanna laugh, too. - No, I don't wanna laugh this is serious. Pizza and burgers. - Yeah, I wanna do both. - One as an appetizer, or just together? - I don't know. - I don't particularly buy
this rehearsed feeling banter, but I can tell they think they're serving father-daughter
chemistry realness. So I almost feel bad criticizing it, which is why I got my
criticism out of the way in the first part of
that compound sentence. See, I can use words to justify
almost any level of cruelty. It's why I'm so healthy and stable. Again, just like Selena Gomez
for eating while talking, the dad is like, oh, you want dinner, and rigged burgers, okay. It's like, did you just (beep)
do a bump in the bathroom, Major Mason? But as they go inside, Rosie is like, oh no, I cooked for you. My mother taught me how to cook
all of her family residence. She was a peasant before
she was married to my dad. And, obviously, there's gonna be tension at the dinner table. Carter, like, takes off
her crown and is like, wow, must be nice to slum it
and play peasant for a day. And Rosie gets up and leaves. And I think they could
have built in more here. Like Carter sees the table setting, she's like, I didn't know
we had all this stuff. I thought she was gonna be like, this was my mom's nice
china before she died. And we haven't used it
since her funeral party, but we don't get that, we don't
know where Carter's mom is, but Carter goes in to talk to Rosie who ran off from the table, and Rosie confides, like, my
life's not all great, okay? I'm literally running out of my country, and my mom's in danger and my dad died, and now there's no one to help. - I'm from a small island
nation called Costa Luna. - Never heard of it. - It is not on most maps. - It is very small, very
unimportant to large countries. - It must also not be
worth much to medium-sized, or small countries either
if it's not on most maps. What is that even about? Are you the princess of
the Bermuda Triangle? Did Amelia Earhart teach
you how to use a tampon? I don't know of any country
that's not on most maps, like, that might not be a country then. Also, this would've been a perfect place, 'cause Rosie is like after
my dad died, yada yada yada, and that really softens
Carter, and she's like, you don't have to tell me
this, and then she's like, oh, this breaks her wall down so that they can become friends, and relate to each other a little more, but they could have literally
related to each other a little more if Carter was like, my mom died when I was six. She drowned in that swamp back there. I watched a gator tear her apart. We used her for bait after. Like we don't know what
happened to your mom. We don't know what happened to your mom. We don't know what happened to your mom, but Carter decides, okay, I'm gonna give Rosalinda
a chance to fit in here 'cause she has it hard. - What is it? - It's a bowling alley. - What size? - Um, I do not know, all of
my shoes are made for me. - There's a shock. - Yeah, it actually is shocking. You're telling me those
were custom cork wedges that she just chunked in here
on like a dressage horse. Chunk, chunk, chunk. I could have sworn those were purchased using your mom's extra cold cash, but whatever you say,
whatever you say, princess. Rosie doesn't know what to do. She sits up on the table and is like, you may caress my feet,
young man, with the bowl cut. Rosie is somehow excellent
at firing bowling balls, rolling them, wow, bowling. I used to be on a candlepin
bowling league with a guy, and his pregnant wife. I was 14 and they were, like, 26. I was like, what am I doing here? This is so weird to me. Also, I could tell that I
was really bad at bowling, and bringing down their average, but I did get better over time. Oh, after stealing the spotlight, and making people think she's cool by bowling a perfect game, the popular girls go up
to Rosie and they're like, hey, you're one of us now. That night, once again, Carter
is feeling a little bit like Rosie is cramping her style
by stealing the boy she likes, and getting all the popularity. She's like, I have to work
tomorrow, get your own job. Rosie's like, I never worked before. And it's like, you just
did at the bait shop a few scenes ago, but whatever. So next we see Rosie
and that popular girl, whose name is Brooke? No, Brooke is the friend. Chelsea is the popular girl. She's like, my dad owns
this chain of yogurt shops, so you can just work here, but it's really a trick
to make her look foolish because she doesn't know
how to run a yogurt shop single-handedly on her first day. There's no one else working
in this building, really? Okay, the place doesn't have a manager. So, again, we get physical comedy. Rosie trying to manage this shop all while Carter tells nerdy
boy who has a video camera, she's like, I just don't like all of the prim and proper stuff. The thinking that you're
better than everybody. That's what I hate about princesses. 'Cause he's always in her face, like, look, who's the new prom queen, and she's like (beep) you, but she gets word that she
needs to go help Rosie. So she goes rescues her
from the yogurt shop where everyone is laughing at her, and they get back at the
guy who helped embarrass her by smashing ice cream onto his head. So Brooke, the popular girl is like, people think she's really cool. I'm getting, like, seven texts about, like, people thinking she's cool. People are like that Rosie girl is cool. I heard she had yogurt, like, what? - I'd rather eat carbs than
see her wearing my crown. - Good, you should feel that way because carbohydrates are a vital nutrient that your body would shut down without. So what was the joke there? That this girl has an eating disorder. This movie said the pretty
popular girls are what? Always starving only on Disney Channel. I can't believe the way
diet culture and fads have been so closely associated
as a negative stereotype that they don't even have
to insert it into the script with irony here. They're just like this
girl (beep) hates carbs, and that's normal. After the yogurt fiasco, Demi and Rosalinda and Selena
and Carter, all four of 'em, they're all becoming besties. They're drinking D&M,
exclamation point, Cola, which the art department
had a clever way of saying Demi Cola, and we, of course, love this movie's most memeable moment, which birthed the gotta keep
an eye out for Selenar gift, but I never realized that
Demi's crazed looking reaction is even funnier in context. (burping) (laughing) - Oh, God, which Minions movie is this? Or is this that scene where someone feeds the
gremlins after midnight? Because if it's neither situation, then we need to get another take where Demi isn't snarling
as a sign of aggression. (evil laughing) No, I just know that people on Demi's team were always telling them like you have the most amazing,
authentic, big toothy smile. You gotta give that smile all the time. I am, I'm giving you the
smile, take the shot. And they're like, okay,
now arch your brows like you're terrifying. At lunch when the nominees are announced, Brooke doesn't even get
nominated for queen. It's Chelsea as well as
Carter, as well as Rosie. And it's like, what? The popular girls plan was to
get people to vote for Carter, but then Rosie also got nominated. So it's like our plan to
embarrass them is backfiring. And Chelsea is really pushing it. She's making Brooke regret
even being friends with her by being like, if you weren't so unpopular people would've voted for you, and we wouldn't be in this mess. So it's like, oh man, you
guys are really going for it. At first, Carter is like, I can't believe I'm
actually up in the running. There's no way I'm doing this. Being a princess is so
shallow and superficial. And that's when Rosie is
like, no (beep) I mean it is, but, also, you go to events and galas, and do charity luncheons. She's basically like a
princess's job is to help people. It's about what you
have to offer the world, which is basically what Carter was saying to the video camera boy. She's like, I wanna make
a difference in the world like my dad does, and he's
like, you mean by selling bait? And she's like, yeah, uh, yeah. So that's our initial feeling. This does come up later that both girls want to do something
meaningful for the world. They wanna make a difference. And they have that in common. I do like this element. I wish that we could see it practically a little bit in Carter. She's more just like, I
hate the popular girls. It's like, what do you do
for the unpopular people? What do the unpopular people
at this school have to lose because the popular girls are in power? And how does Carter try
to stick up against that? A few examples of that maybe
instead of camcorder boy being like, there's Your Majesty. It's like, come on, I'm sick of that kid. Also, the early thousands trope
of a kid at the high school who always walks around with
a camcorder is so tired. There was even one of them in
that 2013 remake of "Carrie" with Chloë Grace Moretz, and when he got smashed with
the bleacher I was like, yes, that's what we gotta do
with this whole archetype. Oh (beep) I have a therapy
appointment in three minutes. So we'll have to go onto
the third act of this movie, after I get my head shrunk, zoop. ♪ What more can I say ♪ You need to say more, actually, 'cause the girls who did
ballet in my high school were some of the coolest,
realist people up in there with the prettiest hair. And I would know 'cause I've
got a (beep) pile on my head. Where were we? Oh, speak of the devil. No wonder I was singing that song. We have reached the
second act montage portion of the Disney Channel movie, which is heavily ingrained in
their screenwriting formula. Let's talk for a second about
why these montages exist. I mean, first of all, it
allows an unbroken featured use of whatever song from the soundtrack you want the kids to
listen to and buy on CD. In this case, it's one in the same featuring
Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato, a song that I have been listening to since before I even saw this movie, 'cause it came up on
my, like, Spotify once, back when it was, like, old Spotify. What was the original Spotify? Not LimeWire. I had it on my Blackberry,
some music streaming service. And you'd like heart songs. I think that was the only way you could get free music in the past. Anyway, I love this song, and I'm glad that it's featured here, but it's used in a montage,
which is basically just a cheap, quick way of showing character growth. Particularly if two characters
are going to become friends, and show, like, that they've
officially established a rapport with each other. This type of montage was great for that. We just saw it in "Starstruck." We see it in almost anything. It's just a transition to
get you from the second act to the third act, you're
like, oh (beep) has changed. Now we're ready for that final conflict to bring it all home, but as
I said, this is a great song. So I'm not gonna rag too
hard on the use of montage. ♪ We're anything but ordinary ♪ - Like we just need to
start by talking about how this song is so much
yes, yes, yes, so much yes, not just for the sustained Demi-Selena harmonizing on the chorus. Even though we love a major fifth. One, one, one, hmm, hmm, but also because it's an
unrelenting, unashamed rip-off of "Sk8er Boi" by Avril Lavigne. ♪ La la la la la ♪ ♪ He was a boy ♪ ♪ She was a girl ♪ ♪ Can I make it any more obvious ♪ ♪ He was a punk ♪ ♪ She did ballet ♪ ♪ What more can I say ♪ - I'm not gonna accept any
more third act montages without that mashup as the song, even though it doesn't
sound good the way I did it, it's like revver, revver. Also, it's not just trying on clothes. Rosie shows Carter that being a princess also includes other activities
like reading children's books to a room full of bored
and confused looking kids. That's Demi Lovato's sibling
behind the table, by the way. Again, I get that Carter is learning that, oh, being princessy means
also doing nice things. They could have potentially given us that in a more solid way. I want to see what the school is like. Like what is the pecking
order at this school? And how are Rosie and
Carter working together to, basically, like, smash the patriarchy, or the monarchy rather. We get in one scene that
Chelsea is sort of a pushover to this girl by calling
her the wrong name, and not treating her like she matters. I think it would help if we
could see more of the school being oppressed by the actions
of these two popular girls, but whatever, we obviously get a solid few minutes showing that Rosie is teaching
Carter how to be a princess, even though she never seemed, they could have made her seem a little more gruff and
rough and tumble before. Like if she was like wiping
her mouth on her sleeve, and didn't care about stains, like she wasn't as gross
as she could have been. - I hate you.
- You do? - No, I meant, I hate you
like you're my best friend. - Tell me how someone
like Rosie can be fluent in five languages, including English, which she seems to speak
better than her native Spanish is still unaware of what sarcasm is. There are legions of sarcastic people in every country on Earth, although most know us simply as (beep). I need this movie to get on
the same page with itself as to whether Rosalinda
is a fish out of water because she's a royal living in a swamp, a European living in America, or a stepsister from planet weird, 'cause most of the time she's
straight-up space alien. There are scenes where she's
like, oh, what is this? Like, I know they have that
in Spain (beep) but, you know? The girls use the term best friends. So we know they finally
made it to Toontown, baby. I just can't get over how, like, Selena Gomez and
Demi were best friends. And, like, they would do
the Selena and Demi show this stupid little YouTube thing together, that Mandy and Miley Cyrus and her friend would, like, make fun of them. And that was, like, the
drama of the moment, like, Miley Cyrus was making
fun of Selena and Demi. It was pretty iconic. They were like, look how scene I am with my Ninja Turtles T-shirt. Calling people out for trying to be scene back in the day was great. In fact, Selena Gomez, her
band with the Disney Channel was called Selena Gomez and the Scene to try to get back at
people who made fun of her for trying to be scene, and it's like, that just makes you seem like you're trying to be more scene. And we know you're
talking about Miley Cyrus, and no one's gonna be talking about scene kids in five years, and this is all gonna seem really dated. Anyway, let's get into
that third act conflict where we have Brooke the
mean girl's best friend, looking through some
magazines at the library for a Spanish project. - Princess Rosalinda, no way. - And imagine how much faster their cover would've been blown if this movie had the
budget to acknowledge that the internet existed in 2009. They said we can't even afford
one of those translucent plastic MacBooks to show
the internet, so good luck, but, anyway, now that
Rosalinda's top secret identity has been exposed by a high
schooler doing their homework. Can we sentence her to life in a field smashing boulders already, so that I can go back to reading the health section of my new "Cosmo." Turns out there's no such thing as sexually transmitted razor burn. I just have scabies, and I wouldn't have known it
without the power of magazines. Print marketing is not dead. My parasites need it. Chelsea is so sure she's
gonna win this thing, but Brooke goes up and is like, she was displeased with
Brooke, and Brooke's like, but, look, I found this
out and they're like, Brooky, I love you. So the two popular girls
show up to Carter's house, and tell Carter's dad like, oh, we have a surprise for
Carter, a princess surprise. And the dad is like, sure, go on in. Dad's in movies are like, what the (beep) You know those girls are nothing
but mean to your daughter, but he was always like,
they're probably just jealous. Oh, you think they just aren't now? And you're just gonna
let 'em into your house. They're up to something. Dads, never let a child
into your child's room without your child being there. What could that be? So the two girls go in and confront Rosie. They're like, look what we
found, Rosalinda princestasa. And she's like, please don't tell anyone. I will literally be murdered. And they're like, we
won't, if you drop out. No, if you get Carter to
drop out of the thing, and she's like, I'll drop out. I can't ask Carter to
and they're like fine. Then we'll just destroy Carter's dress. And they snag her little dress, and throw it into the mud in front of her. I'm like, you guys are acting like dry cleaning doesn't exist, but I understand that this is bad. It's confusing because
the mean girls are like, get Carter to drop out or we
are going to tell your secret. And she's like, no. Why wouldn't they go up
to Carter and be like, you drop out or we're
telling Rosie's secret. And now that Carter's best
friends, she would be like, no, you can't, her mom will
be sentenced to prison camp. Like, girl, it's so bleak out
there in Costa Luna right now. And these girls are not having
a lot of sympathy for someone who's literally, like, a
refugee from another country. I would be like, do you even care? Do you even care? So after the dress gets destroyed, I actually like this because
the third act conflict doesn't involve Carter and
Rosie having a misunderstanding where they're mad at each other, which having forgotten
what the movie's plot was, I thought that's where it was gonna go, 'cause it's very formulaic
for that to happen, but, no, the third act conflict
is when Carter goes in, and Rosie's like, I have
to go back to my country. They found out my secret. I gotta get outta here. It's better for both of us. And she's like, my dad will never let you. And Rosie's like, well,
I'm not telling him. So Carter is like fine. Just do me a favor and come
to the dance with us tonight just for one last thing as my best friend. And she's like fine, and
that's when Carter has a plan. She calls that dressmaker back
in Costa Luna and is like, I have a plan to make it safe for Rosie to get back home again. All I need is you to make me two dresses. I'm like, oh, this girl is
angling for a sponsorship. I get it. So as part of this plan,
Carter tells Rosie like, you have to go to the dance tonight because you said being a
princess is about helping people. And there are some people that I really think deserve
to feel like princesses. So Rosie's like, I'm in. Forget about my mom's mortal danger. And that's when they
get the nice bus driver who loves her beauty services, and all of the nerdy girls from school, and they do a montage of being like, we're gonna do this or that,
we're gonna go this or there. Selflessness is what's for dinner? Again, I needed more
examples of these girls being treated like losers, or
not knowing how to be pretty, other than this one girl getting called Muffy and wearing glasses. - [Joe] What, in the? (soft music) - Ah, she's teaching all the crusty girls how to sit up straight. She's like, and anyone
who's hymen is not intact must walk the plank. No, Rosie, we don't do
that in this country. And that can happen while riding a bike, or if I kicked my sister really
hard in the vag once, oops. I love how they're like,
here's how you sip tea. Wow, that's really gonna come in handy at a school dance, thanks. Where am I even sitting? Meanwhile, Commander Kane has no idea that this plan is underway. We got Mr. Fabulosa, the
dress designer working away, and Rosie doesn't know any
of this is happening either, or Carter's dad, you know,
the one who has the gun. - Well, back to work, you
have a dress to finish. - Two, actually. - I mean, you could have
found a more opaque fabric to hide that under. Does no one understand that Rosie's mom's life
hangs in the balance? They're like ha, ha, ha, gauze, some gauze coverup for that secret dress. Helen, or whatever, the
bus driver comes over, and she's like, welcome to
Helen's House of Beauty. Let's put some (beep)
eyeshadow on you chicks. - [Carter] Okay. - Oh, this is a great color on you. - Oh really? I never thought I could
pull off clean brush in the shade nothing. Meanwhile, Carter is over there like, uh, and I'm just gonna claw
at your scalp for a second. Gorgeous, now you look like the princess of being rough-housed. Again, this is an area where I wish Rosie, when she got excited would start going off in other languages that
she supposedly speaks causing people to be like what? That's confusing. Something character related that isn't just about her being royal, like that's just unrelated. She's an excitable person
who loves to chatter. Personality traits other
than just being fancy, and not using contractions. That's good directing to me because then she has
character traits to pull from. And instead of being like,
that's a great color on you. She could be like, oh, so, mademoiselle, blah blah blah day, blah blah blah doo, and then the people are like, what? And she's like, your lips look fierce. And they're like ha, ha, ha. Then there's funny moments
that are character-driven that aren't just, like, utilitarian, get me to the next plot
point, but what do I know? Carter unveils the dresses she
had sent over and she's like, you'll be wearing this beautiful pink one. And I'm Caribbean blue because
that's, like, apparently, a color they know of in Luna Luna. The girls look beautiful
in that they look the same. Like their makeup never changes. It's clear lip gloss every day. - I think we have a problem. I may have to stop calling you pal. - And start calling you real
tits McHigh School girl. I'm screaming out loud. The nickname pal has nothing
to do with her wearing a dress. It's like gender neutral,
just like dresses are, but still I get what they're trying to do. Also, whenever I say I'm
screaming out loud at something, I think of Ed Sheeran. ♪ I'm screaming out loud ♪ ♪ I can no longer call you pal ♪ So the girls put on their masks. Apparently, they told all
of their high school girls, it's a mask party for us, we're special, but that mask is actually part of the plan that Carter's cooking up. Remember the dad has no idea. I don't know how Carter was
able to call from her home phone to the palace that they're
trying to hide her friend from. Like, wouldn't that be just as bad as Rosie contacting the palace? Like they can trace it back. Maybe that was the plan the whole time. I don't know how general
commander they're like we found the girls and they head out. I'm like, I don't know if they
explained how that happened. I don't care, I don't care. Oh, it could be cool if they showed, like, some kind of out of place teacher, or something at the school who was clearly sent from Costa Estrella, like, at the school, spying on the girls that would give us the tension of like, girls, you're not alone in this, but anyway, it's prom time, climax. (soft music) Carter said, all right, girls,
time to show this school how beautiful you all really are. Muffy, you can wear this hockey mask. Bernice, you're wrapping your
face in gauze like the mummy, and, Jessica, you have to exit the bus through one of the emergency exit windows because your face is
not really the problem. Again, these unpopular
girls the whole lot of them were never sold to me as
second-class citizens. They haven't even been shown that much. You get that pecking
order more successfully written in lifetime
movies where it's like, I would love to wear pink, but I can't because Chelsea said only she
can wear pink on Labor Day, whatever, that's "Mean
Girls," but you get it. We needed to hear from the other girls maybe when Rosie sat down at
the lunch table with Carter, and Carter taught her
how to eat a hamburger. There could have been
other girls there like, oh, you don't get to just go
sit at whatever table you want. Those girls take the cool
one by the soda machine. And then we realize everyone's
being walked all over. That would make this
feel more powerful to me, but meanwhile, it's clear
that Chelsea's reign is over as the popular girl. The boys are not as interested in her, which lowers her value as
a human being, obviously. She's got grass on her now, and the girl Brooke in
the bathroom is like, I don't wanna be friends with you anymore. Princessing is about
being helpful to people. You're not a prom queen. You're just a (beep) basically. So Brooke leaves and
Chelsea's like, uh, uh, uh. Does a lot of the uh,
and walking with heels, which is just a move that
young actresses know to make when they're doing a
scene like this, I guess. The prom queen is announced and twa-la! It's Rosie the new girl. Oh, but before that can happen, the bad guy General Kane
shows up to the dance, and walks right up to Carter and is like, I know it's you Rosie, 'cause of your Caribbean blue dress. I'm like, oh, somehow
Carter knew that that dress would give away that it's
Rosie, even though it's not. I'm like, hmm, the color
thing never really made sense. Maybe if it was the same color, or the same dress that she was
gonna wear to the coronation it would make more sense, but God forbid. So Rosie's up on stage, like,
doing her acceptance speech. And she's like, I want
Carter to come up here, but Carter is fully being kidnapped onto the roof of the school. And they're about to shove
her into a helicopter thinking that it's Rosie, when she pulls off the mask and is like, you'll never get her. I'm like, you should have waited until they've left or something 'cause now they're just
gonna kill you on this roof, but Rosie, of course, is super
selfless and runs upstairs. She's like, don't take
Carter, it's me you want. I'm ready to go with you. And just when she's about
to get on the plane, that helicopter door opens and twa-la! Why do I keep saying twa-la? Anyway, the door opens
and it's Major Mason, and the Russian woman
played by Molly Hagan. They're like, we got you sucker. - We're turning you over to
the international authorities. Get him. - No, let me, I'm gonna enjoy this. - He then shot the suspect
14 times in the back. The Princess Protection Program loves to recruit American police officers who are forced to resign
due to public pressure. The good guys being hidden
in this escape helicopter was apparently unknown to Carter who was seemingly prepared
to just give up her life to an overseas kidnapper. How did the dad find out 'cause he's like, you should have told me about this Carter. I'm like, someone must
have told you, right? What? I wish she could have been like if the dad stopped her at
the dance and was like, what are you trying to pull with this? And she's like, listen,
you have to trust me. This is the only way that I
can save you and the family, and your job and Rosie. I'm not just a little kid anymore. I know I'll always be your pal, but you have to treat me like
I know what I'm doing here. That would've been cute, but just plot holes, just plot holes, and the girls are safe, so
everyone's a princess, I guess, is the message of the story. - You rightfully deserve this. - Yep, just stick it anywhere you want to. It's kind of like pin
the tail on the donkey, but put the crown on the (beep) hairstyle. Between those actively
working helicopters, and the Puerto Rican winds, Selena's pop-punk beehive
is getting a little more goth rock wasp's nest, but that's okay, the movie is almost over. Rosie has her coronation, and she's never looked more stunning. Ah, she looks so beautiful
in that brown T-shirt, and then we flash
forward to one year later when we find out that the two girls actually did accomplish their goal of dropping out of school to make a difference
in the world, I guess. - Can we go somewhere a little bit warmer? My feet are still frozen from
that walk through Helsinki. - Carter, you can be such a princess. - They finally did it. They both got cast as the Pink Ladies in a production of "Grease." I just love seeing two gal pals
take on an abandoned beach. They really do go together like shama lama lama lama
dippity dip dip dip dip. Oh, also, they both got love interests. Like Carter tells off Donny by being like, you don't know my name and
I'm a princess without you. And then the guy with the camcorder who she's always kind of
brushed off, she's like, turns out I want his (beep) So it's like, I don't need a man, but I still need one by
the end of the movie, so. Otherwise how do we know? Is it even high school
if a kid with long hair, isn't eating this (beep) on prom night. (laughing) And that's it, the girls
are secret agents now. They join the Princess Protection Program in a sort of unspoken way
that definitely seems like an added scene they did with reshoots mainly because, otherwise, I wish that, like, some agents
came up to them on the roof, and were like, you did really
great undercover work here. Would you ladies be interested in joining as part-time protection
agencies like your dad? And she's like, now I can finally make a
difference in the world. Then it's closing the loop for
me and not just being like, all right, it's over, it's over. Play "The Smart House" music. Buried underneath a lot of bad writing is the story of every woman
finding their inner princess, regardless of what they look like, and finding value in helping others. If that's the main storyline, then it needed to be
hammered home way harder than just, like,
superficial acts of service, but you let me know what you think of Princess Protection Agency Program. Do you feel glad that we
have this time capsule of the Demi-Selena friendship
that was sold to us as the coolest thing on Earth at the time? Let me know in the comments below. Also, tell me what other DCOM originals we need to cover on "Clip Breakdown." I've officially, I think, covered all the ones that I've seen. That's not true. I mentioned "Stepsister from Planet Weird" and I need to do that one. Also, "Cheetah Girls 3." I hear it, I hear it, I hate those movies. Maybe I'll like the third
one though, who knows? Let me know in the comments below. Also give this video a big
thumbs up if you wanna see even more "Clip Breakdowns"
on movies just like this, but most importantly, if
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first to know when I'm coming to the Princess Protection
Agency to save you. You guys are all the greatest. Thank you for being one
and the same with me today. I will see you next time.
