Today we reinvent pool by making it much,
much worse. Let's talk about that. <i> ( music playing )</i> Good mythical morning. I couldn't agree more,
Link, because any morning
that includes guessing Russian snacks based on their mysterious
packaging is a good one. - Mm-hmm.
- And not only are we partaking
in Putin's provisions, but we're also bringing
one of our favorite meme's to life,
in a brand new game
about starter packs. Starter packs.
But first, we're gonna play
a game of pool. But not your ordinary
old, boring billiards. I'm talking about a game
that's filled with twists
and turns, and evil punishments. You might even say
it's cruel. It's time for... ( "School's Out For Summer"
melody ) ♪ Pool's cruel for us guys ♪ Joining us for
some cruel pool today, it's pro-gamer,
YouTube storyteller,
and animator and friends, Swoozie. Link: Thanks for coming, man. - Thanks for having me.
- We look like three Wiggles, if the Wiggles, uh, were... - Played pool?
- semi-professional pool players and one of them died. - What's a wiggle?
- A Wiggle's like a-- - I'll tell you later.
- You don't have children. It'll blow your mind, man. - ( laughs )
- I'm ready. All right, here's what
we're gonna do. We're gonna be playing
cut throat pool which mean we have
to eliminate the other persons balls from the board
before your own are eliminated. - I am blue, Rhett, you are red,
- Red! and Adande you are yellow. But there is a twist. As you can see there are
different punishments around each pocket. So if you hit an opponent's ball
into that pocket, they have to do
that punishment. And there's another twist. There's numbers on
the balls. So they have to do
the punishment that the pocket lands in plus the number that
is on the ball. which is a mystery, which will be explained
by our pool boy. Yes, Chase. Pool boy extraordinaire. We told you to dress
like a pool boy. Yeah, I'm a pool boy. ( laughter ) I'm just like, ooh. Link: The wrong pool, sir. And of course,
the last man with his balls
on the table wins. Does this make
sense enough? Perfect sense. Who's blue balls?
That would blue balls? - That would be you?
- That would be me, yeah. On purpose, or...
It's just the way
worked out. - It's a sore subject.
- Oh, okay. Got it, got it,
okay. I'll let it be. I'm about to hustle
y'all so hard. On some white men
can't jump stuff. - ( laughter )
- Ready? - ( groaning )
- Link: Oh, nice! - Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
- Link: And nothing. - Mm.
- I'll go easy at first. By the way, we don't
have to call the pockets. - we're not pool sharks.
- Aww. I'm gonna call it,
but if I go in
for another one - it still counts.
- Darn it. What are you going for? I'm gonna, uh, give Swoozie
the mouth open. Are you sure you want
to do that? ( all groan and shout ) I'm gonna need you
to relax. You're at a seven,
I need you at a two. Oh, gosh. Rhett, I'm gonna give
you the wet noodle
punishment. Oh, gosh. - Number nine ball.
- Ooh! That may be a six. This is looking promising. Gotta really get
the angles, this is like geometry. Yeah, or like MySpace days
with the-- ( shouting )
Yeah! All right, so pool boy,
let us know, what is
number six. His shirt is still on. Number six. - ( laughter )
- While twerking. Wet noodles down
your pants while twerking. Bring me the noodles,
pool boy. Now I think that
the noodles should
go down the back of the pants for
optimal twerking
and noodling. Yeah, you can't
noodle twerk without some, like, back action
going on. It's like mandatory.
There you go. No hesitation,
he's going right in. Link:
Pool boy, you can help him. My hands are full. Swoozie:
Are they, though? I don't really want
to be involved. He was just holding that
with one hand just a few
minutes ago. Link: You sure you don't
want to scrape the bottom
of his pool? Do we have any music
for me? Twerk, man, twerk! I can give you a beat,
like a... ( beat ) Swoozie: Hey! Link:
Shake all those noodles loose. - ( laughter )
- ( applause ) It's Swoozie time. All right, let's do it, I'm gonna go with
the blue ball in... Wait, we already did that,
the wet noodles, right? You want more wet noodles?
That could be boring. Listen, I mean, that's-- I mean, but his ball's
right there just waiting... just waiting to fall. Uh. Well, I think if
I miss this the internet and the comments
section will have a blast. ( screaming and laughing ) Okay, I'm gonna
try to get that blue ball down there to the mouth opener. - Okay, let's see.
- But as we've already
established, there's no guarantee
it's gonna happen. I believe in you. Oh! - We are not good at pool.
- No, we're not. So close. ♪ Peanut butter armpit time,
peanut butter armpit time ♪ Swoozie: I think you got this. - Nailed it!
- Boom, Rhett! - Game over!
- I can't help my balls
are in weird positions. - ( laughs )
- So you have to... Ask for three wishes
from a genie. Rub the peanut butter
on the armpits and ask
for some wishes. I'm a little jealous
about this one. - Are you also the genie?
- I can be. ( laughter ) How are you gonna do... oh. Yeah, lift it up,
lift the... Yeah, as to how this
is gonna go down. I wish that for the rest
of this game, I don't have to put
any more food onto my body. - ( laughs )
- Mmm. I don't like that wish. - Wish number two.
- I wish that this peanut butter
was warm. ( laughter ) It's cold? And I wish that I would win
but I don't think I'm going to. - ( whimpers )
- Link: Aw! - You're up again.
- This the blue balls Number three, right there. I mean, yeah,
if you miss that... - That's--
- I mean, that would
just be... All right, let me,
let me-- you smell really good,
by the way. Yeah,
noodles and peanut butter. Noodles and peanut butter
all the way. Trying to wet noodle me,
huh? Swoozie: Okay. - Yeah!
- Oh! All right. All right, Chase,
number three for me. Number three. While getting an atomic wedgie. - ( laughter )
- Swoozie: Wow. Okay, who's gonna give me
the wedgie? - Who do you think?
- Um, I could do that. - Rhett: The pool boy.
- I can. Yeah, I'm a full service
pool boy. ( laughter ) I'm going deep with this
for wedgie protection. - Swoozie: Ooh.
- Because actually it's really
nice to combine - these two things.
- You don't want a noodle
up your sphincter though. - That's true.
- Hold on! I didn't put it
in my underwear. You want it in your
underwear? Might as well. - Yeah.
- I thought you were
wedgie'ing my pants, - but that's not how
a wedgie works.
- ( laughter ) - 'Cause like--
- Swoozie: Double layer, man. - Rhett: The ol' pants wedgie.
- Swoozie: There you go. These noodles are gonna
be great... later. Rhett: Oh, gosh! Swoozie: It's a good thing
he wore underwear today. Ooh! My... Now I've go it inside
my underwear, and outside my underwear
for no reason. - Perfect.
- You are doing great. - On three, ready?
- Rhett/Swoozie : One, two,
three. ( screams )
Oh, yeah! The tables
have turned. - ( Rhett laughs )
- Swoozie: Tippy toes. - Oh.
- You earned it, Chase. Rhett:
I'm just gonna hit it
really hard. I'm really going for it,
you may want to watch out. - What do you mean?
- I'm just going-- He's Leeroy Jenkins just
trying to make some
action happen. Come on, yellow. Link: What something can go in. Swoozie: Okay, stay back.
All right, great, great. - Okay.
- I'm going to go
for your number seven - ( squeals )
- so you can lick a shoe. Do you really want
to go for that? That seems very ambitious. - Look at Link, look at Link!
- ( shouting ) - Oh, no!
- He's a pool shark! All right, number seven. - What does Swoozie
have to do-zie?
- I think I'm being hustled now. You gotta lick a shoe
while nursing a baby. - What?
- Oh, gosh. That sounds kind of fun,
actually. Okay, so I'm nursing
the baby, right?... Yeah, you nurse the baby. Do we have a name
for the baby? Uh, Polita. - Oh, wow.
- Oh, wow, yeah. Leave a blanket
for privacy, bro. Yeah, I mean, a baby
can't nurse through the shirt. - I guess.
- Link: Apparently you've done
that before. - I have to lick it,
like...
- Yeah. - Yeah, just, you know...
- It's nice. - ( groaning )
- ( laughter ) What does the baby think? It tastes like
peanut butter. Were you dipping it
in that? ( laughs ) They get into a lot stuff. Yeah, I'ma hope it's
peanut butter, 'cause it could be
other stuff. Okay, here we go. This is
probably not gonna go well. - That ain't gonna work.
- ( laughter ) - Oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa!
- It's set up. I know that I can't
make that shot. - I believe in you.
- I'm gonna try to make you
tweeze nose hairs, but I can't do
these long shots. There's not a chance,
but I'm gonna try. "Eye of the Tiger." ( shouting ) - I made it! Whoo!
- Dang, all right. And what is number two? All right. - Bro is tweezing nose hairs...
- Link: While? while being tickled by Chase. - Coochie coochie coo,
coochie coochie coo.
- ( Rhett laughs ) I recently trimmed my nose hair
so there's not much in there. - Coochie coochie coo
- Oh. - Coochie coo..
- Swoozie: Does he need
a mirror? I love that he's actually
saying cochie coo. ( laughter ) The place I am most
ticklish is in the noodle. Nope, just kidding. ( laughter ) Take this-- Take these
tweezers and get out of here. Uh-oh, see that form now? When I bend over like this,
the noodles really - kiss the tanks.
- Oh, gosh. ( laughter ) All right, so I'm just
gonna kiss the edge
of the eight-ball. - And get you Swoozie...
- Me? To don a mouth opener. - Le moi?
- This is a tough shot. Swoozie: I will... I'm impressed
he's even attempting it. - Rhett: Oh.
- Link: Nope! Again, you guys are
at eight, nines. I need you at like
ones and twos. Oh! Blue into the cheese mask? - Oh, yeah, try that.
- Mm. That'll knock him
right out of the game. - Okay. I'm not nervous,
have you seen him hit a ball?
- ( laughs ) - ( shouting )
- Rhett: Oh, oh, oh... - What?
- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! - Aw.
- Okay, Rhett... I'll tell you that
wet noodle really wants to come - but, uh, this is not
gonna happen.
- Low hanging fruit. I didn't use the right
words there. - It's okay.
- Okay, okay, uh. I'm gonna put--
I'm gonna put Swoozie
into the mouth breather. He's gonna attempt eight. Whoa! What a shot! - I'm back!
- Nice. - And what's eight?
- Swoozie: What? - Mouth opener.
- Swoozie: I don't know if
I want to... while singing happy birthday
sadly to yourself. ( laughs ) - Here you go.
- I've never used one of these. How does it-- is it like? Link: Yeah. Is this right? - Yeah.
- That is so right. ( laughter ) ♪ Happy birthday... ♪ ♪ to me ♪ ( laughter ) ( feigns crying ) ♪ Happy birthday to me ♪ Is that good enough? Do I look crazy enough
right now? That's pretty great. Just a bit of a prayer,
but... I believe. - Swoozie: Ooh! Ooh!
- Rhett: Oh, oh, oh! - Link: What's happening?
- Rhett: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh... - With authority though. - Oh, oh, oh!
- Nothing happened. Uh, let's go here, here. - Oh, what?
- Yee! - Peanut butter armpit again?
- Yee! - You're gonna give him
double P's?
- Three, two, one, ha-ya! - Link: Oh! That was close!
- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, you almost scratched! Oh, doggie! - I think you gotta lick
a shoe, bro.
- Uh-oh. And then I'm eliminated
from the match if you
make this. Swoozie: Oh, no. - He's pretty--
- Miss it! - Uh! ( shouting )
- Oh no! It went in? - I Tiger Wood's you, man!
- No way! - Number one.
- No way. - You gotta lick a shoe
while breakdancing.
- Rhett: Oh! - Okay, hit it.
- ( Swoozie vocalizes beat ) Oh, there's no music.
Not for you either. - There we go.
- Whoa. - Rhett: Whoa, the old reverse.
- Swoozie: Directions there. - Is that even--
- Rhett: This is the slowest
breakdancing I've ever seen in my life.
He did it. And then there
were two. All right, so,
I think I'm gonna go - for the cheese mask in.
- Link: Go for the cheese mask. Cheese mask and the win. - Just cut it hard.
- Swoozie: Yeah. - You know what I'm saying?
- Nice and hard. Cut it hard like cheese. No more blue balls. Link: Oh, you almost hit
wet noodles. - Swoozie: Oh.
- Link: And PB. Aww! Okay, Rhett. - Ooh.
- Ooh! ( shouting ) We'll do corner, corner,
cheese mask. - Ready?
- ( laughter ) You better.
You better strike it. If you pull that off,
you deserve everything that goes along with it. Aww. Nothing that you said
that was gonna happen, happened. Swoozie: Come on, baby!
Come on! - Oh!
- ( grunts ) You really set him up
for mouth opener though. Swoozie: I believe in you. It's impossible,
you've got to go for tweezed nose hairs. Don't tell me
I can't do something. ( laughs ) Block his ball,
block my ball! Ooh! ( light saber sound,
"Star Wars" score ) - ( Swoozie gasps )
- Link: Oh, oh, whoa! Swoozie: Good job, good job,
back this way. There you go. Have you guys played pool
on the iPhone? I'm envisioning like
the blue lines and all that. Yeah. I'm much better at that. Yeah, all right so let's get
right... into the noon. ( screaming ) - ( laughs )
- You did it! He came through!
Cheese mask Rhett! Okay, cheese mask,
what do I have to do? - While yodeling.
- Mm-mm-mm. - It's nice and cheesy.
- Aww. - Swoozie: Oh, no.
- How do you want me to-- you want it to go
over my ears. This goes over your,
like, neck. - ( laughs )
- All the way over. Down and that part
goes over here. - Oh, what does it smell like?
- Mm, it doesn't smell good. Swoozie: Not good? ( Rhett yodeling ) I'm a loser. - Swoozie: You're doing great.
- ( applause ) So we will never know
what's behind that big
number nine, because Swoozie,
the most important player, - has pulled it off.
- Good game. - Congratulations.
- Thanks, man. Thanks for playing with us. Now, check out Swoozie's
YouTube channel guys, and stick around because
he'll be joining us later when we play a new game
about starter packs. ( Russian accent )
But up next,
in Soviet Russia, package food eats you. Snackaging,
Russian food edition
is next. Link:<i> Keep your drinks
as cool as you feel</i> <i> with our mythical beverage
cooler.</i> <i> Available at mythical.store.</i>
